Zig Zag Hill Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away

# Ooh... #

'Sometimes in life, you can do some really stupid things,

'when your brain screams out it's wrong, but you do it anyway.'

He's gonna do it!

Nobody's ever ridden the Zig Zag before!

Don't be an idiot, you'll never survive!

-Have fun breaking your neck!

-Loser!

-THEY LAUGH

'Like the day I decided to impersonate a crash test dummy

'on top of Zig Zag Hill.

'325 metres of bone-breaking, skin-scraping bitumen.

'Yep. Stupid.

'Cos things had been normal enough lately.'

Given the current temperature,

we've got 11 minutes and 30 seconds

before the chocolate-chip ice cream turns into chocolate mousse.

Right you are, son. With you in a jiffy.

'Meanwhile, I was being all mature and responsible

'and stayed home to do the housework.

'I vacuumed with a machine that blew more dust than it sucked.

'I did the ironing, being extra careful with Sarge's police shirts.

'I managed to feed Blob

'while dodging projectiles of vomit...

'..most of the time.'

SHE GIGGLES

'I changed Blob's nappy and ten minutes later, changed her again.

'I even tried to make Mum's all-time favourite breakfast.

'Strange how pancakes defy gravity.

'Yep. I was busier than I'd ever been.

'All on account of Mum not feeling too well.

'She was having one of her polka-dot days.'

Oh...

Extra crispy toast -

my all-time favourite breakfast.

I scraped most of the burnt bits off.

Thank you, sweetheart.

'Mum called them her polka-dot days

'because they were the days she felt a bit dotty.

'OK, bad joke. But it was her way of trying to stop us from worrying.

'But she'd had more polka-dot days than usual

'since arriving in Angelus.

'Like the day she tried to kill the big pine tree

'by belting it with a hammer.'

I read if you threaten them, they die.

'And then there was the phone call to the Easter Bunny.'

I'm ringing to let you know that the Leonards

will be cancelling Easter until they sort out

the problem with their broken down,

useless washing machine!

'They way I figured it, Mum was a bit like Freda the Volvo.

'Every now and then, Mum didn't fire on all cylinders.

-'And she needed a bit of a tune-up to get back on the road.'

-Hello...

ENGINE BACKFIRES

Beautiful day for it.

'A day's rest in bed usually did the trick.

'But this time, something was different.'

Special treat time.

Your favourite story!

I'm 13. I haven't read Pelican Dan since I was 5.

13. And all grown-up with a lovely girlfriend.

Vicki and I broke up. I told you that, remember?

These are the things that make us stronger.

CLUNKING

That'll be the spin-dryer. Better hang the laundry out.

We can read this later.

'As it turned out, I wasn't the only one concerned about Mum.

'Phillip had wet the bed during the night.

'A sure sign he was worried, too.'

-There you go, Sarge - home sweet home.

-Oh, thank you!

Had a bit of trouble with the Volvo.

Mr Streeton gave us a lift home with the groceries.

-Where's Freda now?

-At the car yard, in the capable hands of my mechanic.

How's Vicki, Mr Streeton?

'Even though Vicki and I had broken up,

'the question was out before I could stop it.'

Vicki? Couldn't be better. Powering on all cylinders.

Great. All cylinders. Excellent.

Is breakfast ready? I'm starving.

-Phillip, you're leaking.

-It used to be chocolate chip.

-I've just cleaned the kitchen floor.

-I hope we're having pancakes.

We're having toast.

Extra crispy.

'Turned out, Mum and I weren't the only ones

'having a bad start to the day. Mr Streeton had decided it was time

'for Vicki to learn the meaning of hard work.'

Chocolate chip, I'd say. Courtesy of the Leonards.

If there wasn't a new car in it, I would've let 'em walk.

You're all heart, Dad.

After school, you can start cleaning the new models down at the car yard.

I've got homework to do after school.

Which should've been finished this morning. It's time you realised,

money does not grow on a money tree.

It grows on a hard work tree,

which grows right alongside the tree of responsibility.

And you can wipe that expression off your face.

'Meanwhile, I was busy getting Blob ready.

'Sarge was taking her to work on account of Mum being sick.

'Clean nappies, baby formula, Wet Ones, baby powder, rash cream

'skin cream, teething ring, Rusks...'

Phillip, hurry up!

'..and some yummy creamed corn.

'That ought to do it!'

There. Soon as Snowy's over his flu,

I'll be able to spend a bit more time with you.

I'm gonna be fine, Sarge. It's not gonna beat me.

OK, well you just... just get all the rest you need.

Bye, love.

You boys be all right?

Fine, Sarge. Phillip, will you hurry up?

We have to get to school!

It's for my science project.

At school. Mould and fungus.

What's wrong with Mum?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong with her.

Don't forget your sandwiches.

Right, have I got everything? Uh, baby bag,

lunch, files I haven't read yet, files I don't intend to read,

miscellaneous files... Yes, good, OK. Bye, champions.

Sarge.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yes. Constable Blob.

'Sarge was doing his best to stay calm,

-'but I could tell he was worried.'

-Oh, and Lockie?

Nice work ironing my shirt.

Top job.

THEY PANT

Is your mum gonna be OK? Phillip said she's having a dotty day.

-HE WHISPERS:

-Phillip!

-What?

A snotty day. Not dotty.

Bit of a cold.

You know - cough, full of phlegm.

'I don't know why I lied.

'Probably because I didn't want anyone knowing

'Mum was only firing on two and a half cylinders.'

I was gonna ask you a favour, but maybe it's not a good time.

-You're worried about your mum.

-I'm not worried.

-You look worried.

-Well, I'm not, OK?

-OK!

You still cut over Vicki?

I'm gonna hit you with my skateboard in a minute.

It's gotta be something.

You're right. I am still cut up about Vicki.

-But not a word to anyone, OK?

-Man...women.

-HE SIGHS

-So, what's the favour?

-There's this rumour going around that Dot likes me.

-So?

I mean, really likes me.

It's more than a rumour. I've heard it from several reliable sources.

Oh, man! I just wanna hang out. Be mates.

Now I'm gonna have to talk to her! And I dunno know what to say.

What if I do say something?

And the rumours are...wrong.

OMINOUS MUSIC

-Anyone ever skate here?

-Are you nuts?!

No-one's ever skated Zig Zag Hill without needing an ambulance.

What do you reckon? About Dot?

So, Mr Leonard. No late note? And my guess is no homework.

Who ate it this time? Cyril The Clever Sheep?

The washing machine? Errant Baby Blob?

Come on, son! Surprise me.

I couldn't do my homework, Sir, because...

..I was doing housework.

Cos... 'I couldn't say it. Because my mum is sick.

'I just couldn't, because then everyone would know.

'Only two and a half cylinders, not the full engine.'

You and Miss Streeton make an excellent pair.

Right. Detention.

Both of you.

'I hadn't seen Vicki much since our disaster at school camp...

'..but I decided to be mature and responsible about our break-up.'

Are you OK?

Yeah, you?

-HE SIGHS

-Haven't seen you around.

I've been working at the car yard.

Sometimes I wish my parents would crawl into a hole and disappear.

HE SNORES

You don't mean that.

-Yeah, I do.

-No you don't.

-What if something really did happen to them?

-I'd celebrate, probably.

You don't know anything.

So, you know everything about me now, do you?

HE CONTINUES SNORING

Mum's gonna get better, isn't she?

Of course she will. She's a Leonard.

And like Sarge says - us Leonards - tough as nails.

Lockie, did you know there's 206 bones in the human body?

And they're all breakable.

Don't worry. We'll be OK.

'And while I was busy reassuring Phillip,

'Sarge was doing his best to look after Blob.'

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa! Boys, the reason this piece of concrete

is called a footpath is because it is for the feet.

Feet being the plural of foot.

If it were for bicycles, it would be called a bicycle path.

What if you'd hit Mrs Jones here and broken a bone or ten?

..Mrs Jones.

Sorry, Mrs Jones.

What do you think, Constable Blob,

should we let them off with a warning?

BLOB RETCHES

Oh, yuck!

Oh, gross!

'Blob had become a real good shot

'and she loved to practise every chance she got.

'Later that night, after Doctor Wallace came to visit Mum,

'Sarge sat us down for a chat.'

The doctor says Mum's got this illness called depression.

Which is where you're sad and worried and worn out

all cooked up together.

And no matter how hard you try, you just...you just can't be happy.

She will get better through, won't she?

Oh yeah, yeah. Of course she will.

She's a Leonard.

Tough as nails.

But, um, she's going to need all our love and understanding. OK?

OK.

'It was Sarge's way of asking me to keep being mature and responsible.'

Phillip, your bag goes in your room.

And you didn't eat your sandwich!

The idea of a sandwich is that you're supposed to

shove something between the bread.

Maybe if you'd done the shopping properly...

Yucky nappy coming through, make way! Big jobs. Uh!

Do not give Blob creamed corn, OK? Big mistake.

Ugh!

Lockie, what's for dinner?

It was gonna be corn.

'The next day, Mr Streeton delivered the bad news to Sarge.'

Sergeant, you got a minute?

Gearbox, head gasket, carburettor, points, distributor, diff,

radiator and thermostat - all dodgy.

-Not good, then.

-Not good, there's not much we can do for her.

The good news is,

I've got plenty of tempting specials and an arm that's easy to twist.

HE CHUCKLES

'But Sarge wasn't about to give up on Freda just yet.'

Ugh!

HORN TOOTS

Goodo! Freda's home!

Oh, well, thanks for that.

No problem, Sarge.

I owe it to the old girl to give it one last try.

If you don't have any luck, we've got some terrific new arrivals...

'Remember, mature and responsible.'

How's your mum?

Phillip said she's sick.

Phillip's got a big mouth, she's fine.

What else did he tell you?

'Please, not about being cut up over our bust-up.'

Nothing important.

'What does that mean? Did he tell her or didn't he?'

-I've gotta get dinner started.

-You can't cook.

I know.

I could write you a recipe if you'd like.

'Oh, man! Phillip did tell her! He is going to be sorry.

'And while Vicki scribbled down her recipe for spaghetti marinara

'and Mr Streeton tried to change Sarge's mind,

'Egg was gearing up for his big talk with Dot.'

Geoffrey! Ha-ha.

What's all this?

A surprise for Dot.

No harm in making a good impression.

Dad, wrong! This says everything I don't want to say.

Oh, man!

I've stuffed up, haven't I?

No, Dad, you haven't, truly. It's nothing to do.

I'm stressing about what to say to Dot.

Ah, well, the great thing

about food - never speak with your mouth full.

So, if you run out of things to say,

all you gotta do is eat and smile.

Thanks, Dad.

That's a great help.

KNOCKING

Hi!

Hi...

Dot!

Hey, welcome.

I'm Geoff's Dad, but you can call me Rev.

Come on in.

Geoff's been cooking up a storm, haven't you?

DOT MOUTHS

There's plain prawns, satay sauce, rice and salad.

Impressive, eh?

Dad!

Right, sorry. Time to make myself scarce.

Big sermon to finish.

Hungry?

Starving, but there's something I've got to tell you first.

There is?

I'm allergic.

What?

To prawns...

and peanuts.

They make me blow up like a balloon.

You're allergic to the food?

Sorry.

Is that all?

There's nothing else you want to tell me?

Coming through.

Sorry, my sermon.

Everything OK? Good?

Well, I'll just, uh, I'll go.

Is your dad all right?

Been a bit weird since Mum left.

That sucks.

Are you OK?

I reckon I'm going to stay single forever.

That way, no complications.

Can you eat pizza?

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

'Egg had been worrying about nothing.

'Dot wasn't interested in him.

'His music collection though, that was another story.'

You're lucky I'm being mature and responsible otherwise

-you'd be headfirst into the washing machine.

-What did I do?

You told Vicki I was cut up over her.

-You...

-I said that because I didn't want everyone to know Mum's sick.

-Why not?

-Because they wouldn't understand.

They'd think she's...

..Dotty, I'm going completely dotty.

I can't find my overnight bag anywhere.

I need it for hospital.

Hospital?

I had a word to Doctor Wallace and we've decided it's for the best.

Well, I've got to get on top of this thing before it gets on top of me.

Oh, sweethearts.

Oh, it's OK.

Hospital is the best place for me, right now.

'Mum tried to explain how she needed help

'and they'd take good care of her and that she'd get better sooner

'and we'd be able to visit her every day

'and that we had to look after one another.

'And this is where we began,

'me being everything but mature and responsible.

'The crash test dummy on top of Zig Zag Hill.'

We never talked you into this, right?

And it's not our fault if you end up with 15 broken bones.

Make sure your father knows that.

Yeah, and Constable Blob.

Idiot!

'I'm not sure why I did it.

'Maybe because I wanted things to be back the way they were,

'to be a kid again, Lockie Leonard, human torpedo.

'I wanted Mum to be well again.

'It's probably better you don't see the next bit.

'Not on the bone-breaking bitumen.

'So, here's something else to look at.

'Argh!'

ALL: Owww!

'And that's when I realised, right then and there,

'that we all need a helping hand, now and then.'

Argh!

'And there's no shame in asking for it.' Help!

That was the stupidest act you've ever pulled.

Mum's going into hospital, she's got depression.

'There, I'd said it

'I yelled it from the treetops and it felt good.'

You could've broken your neck.

Can you please help me down?

'The future didn't look so worrying any more.'

ENGINE SPLUTTERS OUT

CAR ENGINE REVS

Ho-ho!

-Yes!

-Woo-hoo!

-SARGE LAUGHS

-Yes! Woo-hoo!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Woo-hoo!

'And that night, us Leonards all had dinner together.

'Egg had brought round leftovers that Dot couldn't eat.

'So, we had Rev's satay prawns and my spaghetti marinara.

-'Even Mum joined in.'

-BLOB GURGLES

Oh, what's that, Constable Blob?

If you catch anyone skateboarding down Zig Zag Hill again,

you'll throw the book at them? Oh!

'And just then, the weirdest thing happened.'

Oh!

It's raining pancakes!

THEY LAUGH

'And that night, Mum kept her promise

'and read me my favourite story.'

"And so Peli-can Dan slowly opened

"the squeaky, creaky cupboard door.

"Errr! But the cupboard was so dusty

"Peli-can Dan let out his biggest, dustiest sneeze!"

A-a-a-a-a-choo!

'I didn't want Mum to go to hospital

'but if it meant she'd get better faster, then I guess it was OK.'

# Boy, it's breaking

# Underneath the weight of strain

# A-hey-hey!

# A-hey-hey!

# Worlds away from anyone... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]