I, Monster Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away

# Ooh... #

Yup. You're right.

It's a tent.

And this is Philip, my younger brother,

and his friend, Joe.

And if you look really, really closely,

you might just notice they're both totally petrified.

Can you...pass the... monster repellent, please, Joe?

That's right, fright fans.

Philip and Joe are staking out the monster from the swamp. Again.

Snowy?

What are you doing here?

Meeting Constable Wattle to play Battleships.

If you're here, then who is...

Argh!

It's me! Sarge!

BOTH: It's Sarge!

OK, so we'd all thought the whole swamp monster thing

had just been one big, fat false alarm.

Oh, so you see, boys? There was nothing to worry about after all.

Yeah, I see that now.

What a relief!

Yes, that's right. What a relief, eh?

I think it's time you went off to bed. Maybe with a good book?

I'll say!

Even so, Philip still had this one, niggling doubt.

There was still one piece of the puzzle that didn't fit.

The cheese sandwich!

How can we have been so blind?

So, if this cheese sandwich disappears,

just like all the others,

then...

It means whatever hideous alien creature

that we disturbed from its rest

is still out there.

And when they return the first thing next morning...

BOTH: It's back!

Philip, look over here!

Goodness!

Another ghastly footprint!

You know what this means?

If Angelus is going to survive this nightmare,

we're going to have to put aside all aspects of personal safety

and enter the swamp again!

What are you doing tomorrow?

Of course.

Some people have encountered monsters before,

and lived to tell the tale.

Then again, you wouldn't expect to hear from the people who hadn't.

Philip, look!

Argh!

Oh, sorry! Just a rabbit.

Meanwhile, something was in the air at Angelus High

because tomorrow was the start of the mid-year break.

But for once, I wasn't looking forward to the holidays.

If I wasn't at school, I wouldn't have any excuse

to avoid running into Vicki and Josh.

My ex-girlfriend Vicki, that is,

and her mega-rich new boyfriend, Josh,

who was staying with the Streeton's over the break.

So rather than thinking of good things to do for the holidays,

I was thinking about places to hide.

Then we can go for a 12-day trek into the wilderness region,

to test our survival skills!

-Yeah, right...

-Or, instead, we could do something fun!

Did someone say, "Fun"?

What better way to celebrate the mid-year break than a fun-packed

1960s disco beach party at the bowling alley tomorrow night?

Yeah...maybe.

That wasn't an invite, it was an order.

It'll also give us a chance to celebrate my promotion

to acting supervising assistant manager!

But enough of my achievements.

Tomorrow we'll be bowling in teams of two.

-Lockie, you're with Mel, Egg...

-I'm with you.

-Obviously.

And of course, Vicki and Josh will be coming as well.

Anything wrong with that? Anybody? Anybody?

Anybody?

Joining the workforce had obviously unleashed the monster in Sasha,

but Sasha wasn't the only monster on the loose in Angelus that day.

I rushed her to the health centre

and they said it was nothing more than an unsightly allergic reaction.

I've never seen anything like it!

It might be contagious.

You wouldn't want to spend your entire holiday

shut up in a darkened room with no visitors, would you?

All of a sudden, getting up close and infectious with Blob

sounded like the answer to my prayers.

-Lockie.

-Oh.

What did I just say?

But I needn't have worried, because first thing next morning...

Morning.

Lockie! I thought I told you to keep right away from Blob!

I did!

I've been avoiding her since she threw up that cucumber goo over me.

Shot, Blob!

Oh, no.

Oh, what have I done?

Lockie, you weren't the only one Blob threw up over the other day.

Hi there!

What? Nothing to see here!

Haven't done anything wrong, have we, Barry?

That wouldn't be young Josh under that, would it, by any chance?

Morning.

Josh didn't wake this morning

with a slight case of the bright green pustules?

Oh, Joy! No one must ever find out!

The shame!

The humiliation!

The possibilities for cross-infection are...

You know how mega-rich Josh is.

What are his parents going to say

when they discover that we've exposed him to some

horrendous and disfiguring disease?

And you can't be too careful these days,

Joy, I've been feeling a bit iffy myself lately,

so we've decided to isolate Josh in a motel room.

Just to be sure he doesn't take out the rest of us.

-No offence, Josh.

-None taken.

Listen, rather than hiding Josh away in a motel room,

why doesn't he come back to our place?

Lockie's been feeling a bit under the weather, too.

That way I can keep an eye on all three...

on both of them at the same time.

You'd do that, Joy? For us? Well, why?

Oh, well...

whatever silly little lurgy it is that's brought Josh out

in bright green pustules,

it's not helped by people pointing the finger,

looking for someone to blame, is it?

No. I think...the less everybody knows about this, the better.

Absolutely.

Aah!

SPLAT

Exactly, I'll just...

Come on, come on.

Oh, I hope he'll be all right!

So do I.

I wouldn't be stepping foot into a bomb like that.

Rust bucket!

Why is Dad so grumpy?

I put him on a diet, no diary.

-Anyway, I don't think this is a good idea, either.

-Of course it is!

Who'd think of looking for Josh at the Leonard's?

Vicki wasn't so fussed about Josh's hideout,

she was stressing about whether Josh and I

were going to be talking about her behind her back.

SCREAMING

It had all started out so well.

But they couldn't know what they were getting into.

And now, it was way too late.

Man, why didn't you tell me what Vicki was really like?

-You'd never have believed me!

-Argh!

BOTH: ARGH!

OK, guys. The truth.

Tell me, what do you hate more?

This dress or my shoes?!

Tell me the truth! I'm not going to mind!

Vicki Streeton stars in...

-You're not scared, are you?

-Me? No, no, of course not.

It's just that...

I usually do my best work in the lab rather than out here in the field

with a monster from the swamp.

Don't worry, as long as we arm ourselveswith my monster repellent,

there's a fair chance we'll get out of this alive.

What exactly is in your monster repellent?

The two things I hate most in the world. Mustard...

..and custard.

One thing is certain. This swamp monster only walks by night.

If we're going to capture him alive and take him into captivity,

then we're going to have to camp here overnight.

-Have you got a tent?

-Good idea!

But, sadly...I'm pretty sure my parents would never allow it.

Philip! Change of plans.

We're going to need your bed tonight.

You and Joe could camp out by the swamp. You can share the tent.

There you go, Josh. Hop into bed.

Both of you, chop-chop.

I prescribe an entire day of bed rest.

So much for avoiding Josh.

OK, this was weird.

The last thing I'd wanted was to spend any time at all with Josh.

But at the same time, another part of me wanted to know

everything there was to know about him.

As in, what's the big attraction with this guy for Vicki?

What does Josh have that Lockie Leonard doesn't?

Can I help you with anything there?

No, I was just thinking.

-It's weird, I don't get sick very often.

-Me neither.

Last time was in the South of France.

I spent too long in a sauna and dehydrated.

Thankfully, Jeanette got me back on my feet.

-You call your mum Jeanette?

-No.

Sarah. Jeanette is my nanny.

Mum was in New York closing the Colorado deal.

You been to France?

No.

-New York?

-No.

Or Colorado, either.

'You didn't need to be a genius to see what Josh had over me.'

Money, travel, nannies.

We were worlds apart.

Must have been a no-brainer for Vicki.

Vicki, what are we going to do?

Lockie was supposed to be Mel's bowling partner,

but there's a rumour that he woke up this morning and he's turned green.

Yeah, Josh isn't very well, either.

-There's probably no point in me coming tonight.

-I think so, too.

-That's fantastic! What a relief.

-What?

Didn't you want us to come?

You two can be my new team. Then I'll only be one down.

Hi, guys.

It's going to be great tonight, eh?

If I last that long.

Come on, Egg. No time to sit around chatting. Work to do.

Decorate.

Are you sure you're OK, us being in the same team?

Yeah. Sure. If you are.

Why not?

Actually, Mel had a pretty good reason why not.

After a recent incident with a giant cucumber,

she was certain Vicki had decided exactly what she was.

SCREAMING

Melanie Lamb stars in...

Did you want to come back to my place?

We could check out some clothes for tonight.

Sure.

Finally, Josh and I found something we had in common to talk about.

You know the best thing about Vicki? She's always so easy-going

and happy and uncomplicated.

Vicki is just so easy to hang out with.

Can we have that again?

TAPE REWINDING

Vicki is just so easy to hang out with.

Are we talking about the same girl?

I've never known Vicki not to be complicated and confusing,

not from the day we met.

Ah, Josh, you know Vicki only too well.

HE LAUGHS

'OK, so what are we getting here?

'That any time Vicki's with Josh, he's full-on deliriously cheerful.'

So what does that mean?

Maybe it's me who's been complicated and confusing all along.

Hi, Lockie.

Josh and I are going for a walk.

You might want to come. Might be fun.

That's OK, isn't it? Having fun?

-Fun? How can

-I

-have fun

when nobody understands my pain?

-VICKI AND JOSH SCREAM

-'Lockie Leonard stars in...'

1960s beach party.

No.

-Girly.

-No.

What do you think?

No.

-Wow. Is there something wrong with all of them?

-They're dresses.

Oh, I see.

-Silly me...

-If it's a beach party, shouldn't we turn up in our wetsuits?

I don't have one.

I don't...surf.

You don't surf?

Wow, that's so weird.

How did you two used to spend your time?

I don't know.

We used to talk.

About everything.

Sometimes we'd just talk all day.

-Non-stop.

-Really?

Wow.

Do you feel like a milkshake?

I'm sorry I couldn't rustle up any five-star facilities.

Place must be a bit less Ritz-y than you're used to.

-Hey, don't knock it. Today's been fun.

-Sure it has.

-Are you being serious?

-Listen,

I'm loving everything about Angelus.

If we're talking five stars, how can you go past Mr and Mrs Streeton?

-They're seriously the best.

-Mr and Mrs Streeton?

Warm, nurturing. They're funny. And they're always there for you.

Mr and Mrs Streeton?

'OK, here's the thing.'

If Josh thinks the Streetons are warm and fuzzy,

what must his family be like?

OK, so we have a business empire and we're mega rich,

but it's full-on. I only see Mum once in a blue moon,

and Dad just about never.

How do you think I ended up here for the holidays?

Mum and Dad couldn't schedule me in.

So finally I understood why Josh and Vicki had got on so well.

It's because they were able to share something I've never had -

dodgy parents.

Mind you, at least while I'm sick, Dad's minders

won't be calling me every five minutes... What are you staring at?

Your green pustules.

You too! They've gone!

-BLOB GURGLES

-Blob, as well.

We're cured!

-Mum!

-Mrs Leonard!

Tell me if it's none of my business,

but what's boarding school got that you haven't already got here?

Two parents, a milkshake maker, a bedroom the size of a footy field.

-Why would you ever want to leave?

-My perfect life?

I guess it depends on whether you're on the outside, looking in

or on the inside, looking out.

Seems pretty perfect compared to mine.

-At least you have a home that stays in one place.

-Maybe.

At least you get to choose what to do with your own life.

-Hi, guys, it's only us!

-We're in the kitchen.

Oh, who's your little friend, Vicki? Someone we know?

Hi, I'm Mel.

She hasn't been near Josh, has she?

-Can't be too careful with these bright green pustule-y things.

-Barry!

I'm sure Mel's delightful, but we wouldn't want Josh meeting anyone

he might find more... appealing now, would we?

Barry, I don't think so!

-No dairy, remember?

-Crikey, Sal! A man could starve around here!

Barry, nobody's going to buy a car from someone with flabby jowls.

No. You are both to remain under observation until morning.

That's my final word on the subject.

I mean, if it were up to me, I'd probably say,

"Fair enough, up you get." (LAUGHS)

It's not like I enjoy being mean. Or horrible.

-DOOR OPENS

-I'm not a monster.

-I'm just being responsible. Do I make myself clear?

-Yes, Mum.

I'm so sorry.

Remember, we should only use the monster repellent as a last resort,

if our lives are at risk.

-Maybe not even then.

-Exactly.

We're trying to attract the swamp monster, not frighten it away.

Boys!

Here's the cheese sandwiches you asked for.

Are you sure this is enough for the both of you?

When you hear the frogs croaking in the deepest night,

think of me, Mummy,

for that will be me calling.

Hm. FEELS normal enough.

Egg.

-What are you doing?

-What does it look like? I'm busting you out.

you can't leave me with Sasha any longer. I've never worked so hard!

-Lockie's mum says we've to stay here.

-I can't last!

Guys, I'm BEGGING you. Put those on.

-Stop right there!

-You're not going anywhere.

Not without your mobile phone, Josh.

It's OK, he won't be needing it.

That's right. Tell them I'm taking the night off.

So I discovered Josh wasn't as much of a monster as I'd thought.

Mind you,

that's not to say that monsters don't exist.

Somewhere.

THEY SHIVER

Once it's dark, it actually gets a tiny bit more scary, don't you find?

A little bit.

-Deployed the cheese sandwich.

-Cheese sandwich, deployed.

Then all you have to do is wait.

Good.

GROWLING

Look!

I'm looking.

-He's found the cheese sandwich!

-The monster repellent! Quickly!

THEY SCREAM

GROWLING

Mr Streeton?

Gee, that mustard smarts!

-That went right in my eye!

-What are you doing here?

And why are you wearing all that stuff?

I could ask the same thing.

I'd also like to know what's in that sack.

FROG CROAKS

What was in my sack?

Just a couple of frogs.

I'm thinking of putting in an eco-friendly ornamental pond.

But surely, one man couldn't inflict that much damage

on a cheese sandwich.

Couldn't he just! Have you tried Mrs Streeton's dairy-free diets?

I've never been so hungry.

I could eat my own leg!

Sarge, is this all that amounts to?

An ornamental pond...and a diet?

So, if it's all the same to you, Sarge,

I think I'll be heading off home.

All right.

On your way.

But I don't think we're heard the whole story, as yet.

So there wasn't a monster from the swamp, after all.

I couldn't be more disappointed.

MUSIC PLAYS

So here it is, fright fans. Lockie Leonard's

patented theory about monsters.

You might think you have a good reason to worry about

or be scared of other people and what they might think,

but mostly, the only monsters you need to stress about

are the stupid, pointless ones you make up yourself in your head.

And trust me, there's only one thing you'd ever want to do with those.

THEY CHEER

Subtitles by Stephen Sutherland and Zoe Short Red Bee Media Ltd

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