I, Monster Lockie Leonard


I, Monster

Live action comedy series. When Lockie and Josh both wake up covered in green pustules, Mum orders them into quarantine - in Lockie's bedroom.


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Transcript


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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# There was just enough to get that far away

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# Ooh... #

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Yup. You're right.

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It's a tent.

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And this is Philip, my younger brother,

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and his friend, Joe.

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And if you look really, really closely,

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you might just notice they're both totally petrified.

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Can you...pass the... monster repellent, please, Joe?

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That's right, fright fans.

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Philip and Joe are staking out the monster from the swamp. Again.

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Snowy?

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What are you doing here?

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Meeting Constable Wattle to play Battleships.

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If you're here, then who is...

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Argh!

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It's me! Sarge!

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BOTH: It's Sarge!

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OK, so we'd all thought the whole swamp monster thing

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had just been one big, fat false alarm.

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Oh, so you see, boys? There was nothing to worry about after all.

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Yeah, I see that now.

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What a relief!

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Yes, that's right. What a relief, eh?

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I think it's time you went off to bed. Maybe with a good book?

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I'll say!

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Even so, Philip still had this one, niggling doubt.

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There was still one piece of the puzzle that didn't fit.

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The cheese sandwich!

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How can we have been so blind?

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So, if this cheese sandwich disappears,

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just like all the others,

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then...

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It means whatever hideous alien creature

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that we disturbed from its rest

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is still out there.

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And when they return the first thing next morning...

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BOTH: It's back!

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Philip, look over here!

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Goodness!

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Another ghastly footprint!

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You know what this means?

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If Angelus is going to survive this nightmare,

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we're going to have to put aside all aspects of personal safety

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and enter the swamp again!

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What are you doing tomorrow?

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Of course.

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Some people have encountered monsters before,

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and lived to tell the tale.

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Then again, you wouldn't expect to hear from the people who hadn't.

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Philip, look!

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Argh!

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Oh, sorry! Just a rabbit.

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Meanwhile, something was in the air at Angelus High

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because tomorrow was the start of the mid-year break.

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But for once, I wasn't looking forward to the holidays.

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If I wasn't at school, I wouldn't have any excuse

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to avoid running into Vicki and Josh.

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My ex-girlfriend Vicki, that is,

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and her mega-rich new boyfriend, Josh,

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who was staying with the Streeton's over the break.

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So rather than thinking of good things to do for the holidays,

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I was thinking about places to hide.

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Then we can go for a 12-day trek into the wilderness region,

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to test our survival skills!

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-Yeah, right...

-Or, instead, we could do something fun!

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Did someone say, "Fun"?

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What better way to celebrate the mid-year break than a fun-packed

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1960s disco beach party at the bowling alley tomorrow night?

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Yeah...maybe.

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That wasn't an invite, it was an order.

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It'll also give us a chance to celebrate my promotion

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to acting supervising assistant manager!

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But enough of my achievements.

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Tomorrow we'll be bowling in teams of two.

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-Lockie, you're with Mel, Egg...

-I'm with you.

-Obviously.

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And of course, Vicki and Josh will be coming as well.

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Anything wrong with that? Anybody? Anybody?

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Anybody?

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Joining the workforce had obviously unleashed the monster in Sasha,

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but Sasha wasn't the only monster on the loose in Angelus that day.

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I rushed her to the health centre

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and they said it was nothing more than an unsightly allergic reaction.

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I've never seen anything like it!

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It might be contagious.

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You wouldn't want to spend your entire holiday

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shut up in a darkened room with no visitors, would you?

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All of a sudden, getting up close and infectious with Blob

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sounded like the answer to my prayers.

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-Lockie.

-Oh.

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What did I just say?

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But I needn't have worried, because first thing next morning...

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Morning.

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Lockie! I thought I told you to keep right away from Blob!

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I did!

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I've been avoiding her since she threw up that cucumber goo over me.

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Shot, Blob!

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Oh, no.

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Oh, what have I done?

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Lockie, you weren't the only one Blob threw up over the other day.

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Hi there!

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What? Nothing to see here!

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Haven't done anything wrong, have we, Barry?

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That wouldn't be young Josh under that, would it, by any chance?

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Morning.

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Josh didn't wake this morning

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with a slight case of the bright green pustules?

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Oh, Joy! No one must ever find out!

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The shame!

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The humiliation!

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The possibilities for cross-infection are...

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You know how mega-rich Josh is.

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What are his parents going to say

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when they discover that we've exposed him to some

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horrendous and disfiguring disease?

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And you can't be too careful these days,

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Joy, I've been feeling a bit iffy myself lately,

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so we've decided to isolate Josh in a motel room.

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Just to be sure he doesn't take out the rest of us.

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-No offence, Josh.

-None taken.

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Listen, rather than hiding Josh away in a motel room,

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why doesn't he come back to our place?

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Lockie's been feeling a bit under the weather, too.

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That way I can keep an eye on all three...

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on both of them at the same time.

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You'd do that, Joy? For us? Well, why?

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Oh, well...

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whatever silly little lurgy it is that's brought Josh out

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in bright green pustules,

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it's not helped by people pointing the finger,

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looking for someone to blame, is it?

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No. I think...the less everybody knows about this, the better.

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Absolutely.

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Aah!

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SPLAT

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Exactly, I'll just...

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Come on, come on.

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Oh, I hope he'll be all right!

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So do I.

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I wouldn't be stepping foot into a bomb like that.

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Rust bucket!

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Why is Dad so grumpy?

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I put him on a diet, no diary.

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-Anyway, I don't think this is a good idea, either.

-Of course it is!

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Who'd think of looking for Josh at the Leonard's?

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Vicki wasn't so fussed about Josh's hideout,

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she was stressing about whether Josh and I

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were going to be talking about her behind her back.

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SCREAMING

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It had all started out so well.

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But they couldn't know what they were getting into.

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And now, it was way too late.

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Man, why didn't you tell me what Vicki was really like?

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-You'd never have believed me!

-Argh!

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BOTH: ARGH!

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OK, guys. The truth.

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Tell me, what do you hate more?

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This dress or my shoes?!

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Tell me the truth! I'm not going to mind!

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Vicki Streeton stars in...

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-You're not scared, are you?

-Me? No, no, of course not.

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It's just that...

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I usually do my best work in the lab rather than out here in the field

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with a monster from the swamp.

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Don't worry, as long as we arm ourselveswith my monster repellent,

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there's a fair chance we'll get out of this alive.

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What exactly is in your monster repellent?

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The two things I hate most in the world. Mustard...

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..and custard.

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One thing is certain. This swamp monster only walks by night.

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If we're going to capture him alive and take him into captivity,

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then we're going to have to camp here overnight.

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-Have you got a tent?

-Good idea!

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But, sadly...I'm pretty sure my parents would never allow it.

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Philip! Change of plans.

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We're going to need your bed tonight.

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You and Joe could camp out by the swamp. You can share the tent.

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There you go, Josh. Hop into bed.

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Both of you, chop-chop.

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I prescribe an entire day of bed rest.

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So much for avoiding Josh.

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OK, this was weird.

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The last thing I'd wanted was to spend any time at all with Josh.

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But at the same time, another part of me wanted to know

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everything there was to know about him.

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As in, what's the big attraction with this guy for Vicki?

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What does Josh have that Lockie Leonard doesn't?

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Can I help you with anything there?

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No, I was just thinking.

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-It's weird, I don't get sick very often.

-Me neither.

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Last time was in the South of France.

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I spent too long in a sauna and dehydrated.

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Thankfully, Jeanette got me back on my feet.

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-You call your mum Jeanette?

-No.

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Sarah. Jeanette is my nanny.

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Mum was in New York closing the Colorado deal.

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You been to France?

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No.

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-New York?

-No.

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Or Colorado, either.

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'You didn't need to be a genius to see what Josh had over me.'

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Money, travel, nannies.

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We were worlds apart.

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Must have been a no-brainer for Vicki.

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Vicki, what are we going to do?

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Lockie was supposed to be Mel's bowling partner,

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but there's a rumour that he woke up this morning and he's turned green.

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Yeah, Josh isn't very well, either.

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-There's probably no point in me coming tonight.

-I think so, too.

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-That's fantastic! What a relief.

-What?

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Didn't you want us to come?

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You two can be my new team. Then I'll only be one down.

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Hi, guys.

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It's going to be great tonight, eh?

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If I last that long.

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Come on, Egg. No time to sit around chatting. Work to do.

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Decorate.

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Are you sure you're OK, us being in the same team?

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Yeah. Sure. If you are.

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Why not?

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Actually, Mel had a pretty good reason why not.

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After a recent incident with a giant cucumber,

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she was certain Vicki had decided exactly what she was.

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SCREAMING

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Melanie Lamb stars in...

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Did you want to come back to my place?

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We could check out some clothes for tonight.

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Sure.

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Finally, Josh and I found something we had in common to talk about.

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You know the best thing about Vicki? She's always so easy-going

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and happy and uncomplicated.

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Vicki is just so easy to hang out with.

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Can we have that again?

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TAPE REWINDING

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Vicki is just so easy to hang out with.

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Are we talking about the same girl?

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I've never known Vicki not to be complicated and confusing,

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not from the day we met.

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Ah, Josh, you know Vicki only too well.

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HE LAUGHS

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'OK, so what are we getting here?

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'That any time Vicki's with Josh, he's full-on deliriously cheerful.'

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So what does that mean?

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Maybe it's me who's been complicated and confusing all along.

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Hi, Lockie.

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Josh and I are going for a walk.

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You might want to come. Might be fun.

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That's OK, isn't it? Having fun?

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-Fun? How can

-I

-have fun

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when nobody understands my pain?

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-VICKI AND JOSH SCREAM

-'Lockie Leonard stars in...'

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1960s beach party.

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No.

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-Girly.

-No.

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What do you think?

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No.

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-Wow. Is there something wrong with all of them?

-They're dresses.

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Oh, I see.

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-Silly me...

-If it's a beach party, shouldn't we turn up in our wetsuits?

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I don't have one.

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I don't...surf.

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You don't surf?

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Wow, that's so weird.

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How did you two used to spend your time?

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I don't know.

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We used to talk.

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About everything.

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Sometimes we'd just talk all day.

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-Non-stop.

-Really?

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Wow.

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Do you feel like a milkshake?

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I'm sorry I couldn't rustle up any five-star facilities.

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Place must be a bit less Ritz-y than you're used to.

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-Hey, don't knock it. Today's been fun.

-Sure it has.

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-Are you being serious?

-Listen,

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I'm loving everything about Angelus.

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If we're talking five stars, how can you go past Mr and Mrs Streeton?

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-They're seriously the best.

-Mr and Mrs Streeton?

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Warm, nurturing. They're funny. And they're always there for you.

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Mr and Mrs Streeton?

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'OK, here's the thing.'

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If Josh thinks the Streetons are warm and fuzzy,

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what must his family be like?

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OK, so we have a business empire and we're mega rich,

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but it's full-on. I only see Mum once in a blue moon,

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and Dad just about never.

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How do you think I ended up here for the holidays?

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Mum and Dad couldn't schedule me in.

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So finally I understood why Josh and Vicki had got on so well.

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It's because they were able to share something I've never had -

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dodgy parents.

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Mind you, at least while I'm sick, Dad's minders

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won't be calling me every five minutes... What are you staring at?

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Your green pustules.

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You too! They've gone!

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-BLOB GURGLES

-Blob, as well.

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We're cured!

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-Mum!

-Mrs Leonard!

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Tell me if it's none of my business,

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but what's boarding school got that you haven't already got here?

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Two parents, a milkshake maker, a bedroom the size of a footy field.

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-Why would you ever want to leave?

-My perfect life?

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I guess it depends on whether you're on the outside, looking in

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or on the inside, looking out.

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Seems pretty perfect compared to mine.

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-At least you have a home that stays in one place.

-Maybe.

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At least you get to choose what to do with your own life.

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-Hi, guys, it's only us!

-We're in the kitchen.

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Oh, who's your little friend, Vicki? Someone we know?

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Hi, I'm Mel.

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She hasn't been near Josh, has she?

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-Can't be too careful with these bright green pustule-y things.

-Barry!

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I'm sure Mel's delightful, but we wouldn't want Josh meeting anyone

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he might find more... appealing now, would we?

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Barry, I don't think so!

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-No dairy, remember?

-Crikey, Sal! A man could starve around here!

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Barry, nobody's going to buy a car from someone with flabby jowls.

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No. You are both to remain under observation until morning.

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That's my final word on the subject.

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I mean, if it were up to me, I'd probably say,

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"Fair enough, up you get." (LAUGHS)

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It's not like I enjoy being mean. Or horrible.

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-DOOR OPENS

-I'm not a monster.

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-I'm just being responsible. Do I make myself clear?

-Yes, Mum.

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I'm so sorry.

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Remember, we should only use the monster repellent as a last resort,

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if our lives are at risk.

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-Maybe not even then.

-Exactly.

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We're trying to attract the swamp monster, not frighten it away.

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Boys!

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Here's the cheese sandwiches you asked for.

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Are you sure this is enough for the both of you?

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When you hear the frogs croaking in the deepest night,

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think of me, Mummy,

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for that will be me calling.

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Hm. FEELS normal enough.

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Egg.

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-What are you doing?

-What does it look like? I'm busting you out.

0:18:350:18:40

you can't leave me with Sasha any longer. I've never worked so hard!

0:18:400:18:43

-Lockie's mum says we've to stay here.

-I can't last!

0:18:430:18:46

Guys, I'm BEGGING you. Put those on.

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-Stop right there!

-You're not going anywhere.

0:19:000:19:03

Not without your mobile phone, Josh.

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It's OK, he won't be needing it.

0:19:060:19:09

That's right. Tell them I'm taking the night off.

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So I discovered Josh wasn't as much of a monster as I'd thought.

0:19:130:19:17

Mind you,

0:19:200:19:21

that's not to say that monsters don't exist.

0:19:210:19:23

Somewhere.

0:19:230:19:24

THEY SHIVER

0:19:240:19:26

Once it's dark, it actually gets a tiny bit more scary, don't you find?

0:19:260:19:32

A little bit.

0:19:340:19:36

-Deployed the cheese sandwich.

-Cheese sandwich, deployed.

0:19:360:19:41

Then all you have to do is wait.

0:19:410:19:45

Good.

0:19:450:19:47

GROWLING

0:19:470:19:49

Look!

0:19:580:19:59

I'm looking.

0:20:010:20:03

-He's found the cheese sandwich!

-The monster repellent! Quickly!

0:20:150:20:20

THEY SCREAM

0:20:220:20:24

GROWLING

0:20:290:20:31

Mr Streeton?

0:20:350:20:37

Gee, that mustard smarts!

0:20:370:20:39

-That went right in my eye!

-What are you doing here?

0:20:390:20:41

And why are you wearing all that stuff?

0:20:410:20:43

I could ask the same thing.

0:20:430:20:45

I'd also like to know what's in that sack.

0:20:450:20:49

FROG CROAKS

0:20:510:20:54

What was in my sack?

0:21:010:21:04

Just a couple of frogs.

0:21:040:21:05

I'm thinking of putting in an eco-friendly ornamental pond.

0:21:050:21:10

But surely, one man couldn't inflict that much damage

0:21:100:21:14

on a cheese sandwich.

0:21:140:21:15

Couldn't he just! Have you tried Mrs Streeton's dairy-free diets?

0:21:150:21:21

I've never been so hungry.

0:21:210:21:23

I could eat my own leg!

0:21:240:21:26

Sarge, is this all that amounts to?

0:21:260:21:30

An ornamental pond...and a diet?

0:21:300:21:34

So, if it's all the same to you, Sarge,

0:21:340:21:37

I think I'll be heading off home.

0:21:370:21:40

All right.

0:21:400:21:41

On your way.

0:21:410:21:42

But I don't think we're heard the whole story, as yet.

0:21:420:21:46

So there wasn't a monster from the swamp, after all.

0:22:010:22:04

I couldn't be more disappointed.

0:22:070:22:10

MUSIC PLAYS

0:22:100:22:11

So here it is, fright fans. Lockie Leonard's

0:22:110:22:14

patented theory about monsters.

0:22:140:22:17

You might think you have a good reason to worry about

0:22:170:22:20

or be scared of other people and what they might think,

0:22:200:22:22

but mostly, the only monsters you need to stress about

0:22:220:22:26

are the stupid, pointless ones you make up yourself in your head.

0:22:260:22:29

And trust me, there's only one thing you'd ever want to do with those.

0:22:290:22:33

THEY CHEER

0:22:350:22:36

Subtitles by Stephen Sutherland and Zoe Short Red Bee Media Ltd

0:22:440:22:48

E-mail [email protected]

0:22:480:22:53

When Lockie and Josh both wake up covered in green pustules, Mum orders them into quarantine - in Lockie's bedroom. So much for avoiding Josh. Together alone for the first time, Mel and Vicki battle their insecurities before arriving at a new understanding. Meanwhile, Phillip and Joe stake out the swamp for a suspected monster.


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