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Pantomime Horse Nuzzle and Scratch: Frock and Roll

Pantomime Horse

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# Here we are, Nuzzle and Scratch

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# Best by far

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# Nuzzle and Scratch

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# We're alpacas from the Andes

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# With hooves instead of handies

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# No two others can match Nuzzle and Scratch

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# Nuzzle and Scratch! #

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Right, gentlemen.

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I require one rubber chicken.

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One rubber chicken, OK.

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Two bow ties.

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Two bow ties, there you go.

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And wigs. Lots and lots of wigs.

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-Oh, no!

-OK!

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Oh, sorry Captain, but that's all we could find.

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Yeah, we're fresh out of wigs.

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Yes, well, I'm sure it'll be enough.

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Do the twins want to dress up as a wig?

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No. Today, they want to dress up as a pantomime horse.

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-Oh, no they don't!

-Oh, yes, they do!

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BOTH: Oh, no they don't!

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You two have no idea what a pantomime horse looks like, do you?

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BOTH: Oh, yes, we do.

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Actually, no we don't.

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Thought so.

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There we go. Right, pantomime horse.

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Ooh!

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-I wish we were a pantomime horse.

-Me too.

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Pantomime horse?

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-A horse for pantomime.

-Oh.

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I'm the fancy dress genie. Your wish is my command!

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Yes! We'll need the costume of a horse's head, tail, and legs, please.

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OK, get ready!

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Come on!

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You've given us frog's legs, Mr Genie! Ribbit, ribbit!

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Oh, dear, had a bit of a genie jam there. Let's try again.

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One pantomime horse coming right up.

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That's better. Thanks!

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Clippety-cloppety!

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Neigh!

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Now you're a pantomime horse.

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Let's go this way.

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Hold up!

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Neigh!

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Funny looking horse.

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The twins will love being a pantomime horse.

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Yes, they will!

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You two go and find the costume, and I'll open up the shop.

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-OK, Captain!

-Clippety-Clop.

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# Dressing up is fun you could be anyone

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# A monkey or a queen Every costume you can dream

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# Everybody knows that wearing different clothes is fun

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# Dressing up is fun. #

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Ah.

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-Boo!

-Oh!

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-Boo!

-Oh!

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-# Dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up

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-#

-Just pass them to me Dressing up,

-dressing up

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-#

-Dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up is very groovy

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-# Dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up,

-dressing up

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# So raise your hoovie If you know what you'll wear today

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# What do you wear today?

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BOTH: We're the pantomime horse!

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Clippety-clop, clippety-clop!

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Oh, this horse is heavy.

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Neigh!

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Have you found those costumes yet?

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BOTH: We have, Captain!

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Good. The twins will be here soon.

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Oh, crumbs!

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-Problem, Captain?

-I'll say there is.

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The hold's empty, lads. We're fresh out of sponge fingers.

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BOTH: No sponge fingers?

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Yes. You know how I like my sponge fingers with my tea.

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Oh, tell you what, why don't you two sail out to the sponge finger shop?

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-Get some fresh supplies.

-OK, Captain. Right, come on, Scratch.

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Get back in.

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Right, giddy-up, Scratch!

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Neigh!

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Oh, I say!

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Ah well.

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Two alpacas dressed as a pantomime horse gone

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to buy some sponge fingers... what could possibly go wrong?

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Giddy-up, giddy-up! We're a pantomime horse!

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I'm at the back.

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-And I'm at the front, of course.

-Giddy-up with a clippety-clop.

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On our way to the sponge finger shop.

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OK, Nuzz, forward march.

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-OK, Scratch.

-Aargh! Nuzzle!

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What are you doing?

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I told you Nuzz, I'm the front and you're the back.

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-Really? But I'm sure that this is the head end.

-Beep, beep.

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Beep beep. This horse is reversing.

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This horse is reversing.

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Oh, what was that?

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Oh, wow, it's a rosette!

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A what?

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Wow, a rosette!

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Whoa!

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It's so shiny. And golden.

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Do you think we can take it?

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You have to win it.

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-What did you say, Scratch?

-It wasn't me.

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It's the horse of the year prize. It's simple.

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-The best horse and jockey of the day wins that trophy and rosette.

-Oh.

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Jockey, you say?

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You know, someone who rides a horse? Like me. I'm Jock, the jockey.

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-Oh. I like your costume, Jock the jockey.

-Thank you.

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I was going to enter the race,

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but my horse hurt his hoof this morning and has to rest all day.

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No horse, no trophy.

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And no rosette.

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Hold on a minute, Nuzz. We're a pantomime horse.

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Oh, yeah! We can be your horse, Jock. And win that...rosette.

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BOTH: Rosette! Rosette! Rosette! Rosette!

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Hang on. I'm not sure a pantomime horse is allowed to enter the race.

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It's OK, Jockeroo. I'll check the rules.

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Hang on a minute. Here we are.

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It says you can't enter as a hobby horse, a rocking horse,

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a sea horse, or a clothes horse.

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But there's nothing in here that says you can't be a pantomime horse.

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Well, I guess...we're a team!

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Well, I'm Nuzzle, and he's Scratch.

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'Would all teams head to the main arena

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'for the Mayor's Parade, please.'

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-The Mayor?

-Sounds posh.

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Yeah, the Mayor. She's the judge.

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-The judge?

-Yes.

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The judge is the person who decides who wins the competition.

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And the rosette.

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-Let's go.

-OK, let's go.

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-What is this?

-What's this?

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This is a real pantomime horse.

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Scratch, quick! Have you got that rule book?

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Oh, I put it down somewhere. Hang on a second.

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There we go.

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Oh, no, that's a dictionary.

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Oh, A History of Alpacas... a very good read. Ah, here we go.

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Excuse me! Wait a minute!

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Come back here. Have you got your library card, little boy?

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-Oh, here it is.

-There we go.

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Oh, excuse me! Your books! There we go.

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It says due back a week Tuesday, OK?

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OK, thank you.

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Oh, yes! OK then.

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We did it, boys! We're in!

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Hooray!

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Well, I knew it would work out all along.

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I mean, two alpacas dressed as

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a pantomime horse, what could possibly go wrong?

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That's the sort of thing the Captain would say.

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Oh, yes! I wonder how he's getting on back at the shop.

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Talking bottom, ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Right, I'll be with you in two seconds.

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Thanks, sir. Would you like a bag for this?

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Have a lovely party, everybody.

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Oh, peace at last.

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Ah... Oh!

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-Hello, Captain.

-Hello, twins.

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We've come for our costumes.

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Yeah, where are they?

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Good question. Nuzzle? Scratch?

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Where are you?

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If we're going to win that rosette, we need to start your training.

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-Training?

-You're going to have to learn how to walk nicely,

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jump jumps, and walk through posts without knocking them over.

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Oh, that sounds like hard work, Scratch.

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-First up is the jump.

-Jump?

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Well, surely you know how to jump?

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No.

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It's easy!

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What's he doing?

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First, you run up to the jump as fast as you can, lift your legs,

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-and jump over.

-Got it!

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Then, you trot nicely to the slalom.

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-Trot?

-Slalom?

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And you carefully run in and out of the posts as fast as you can,

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without knocking them over.

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BOTH: Got it!

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And the last...

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the water jump.

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All done.

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Oh, great. That's training over.

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Come on, Nuzz, let's go get a snack.

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-Yeah, OK.

-Have you got it?

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Yeah, I've got it.

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Where are we going? Stop it, Nuzz!

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Too fast, Nuzz! Where are you going?

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-Whoa!

-OK, Nuzz, this way.

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-Sorry.

-That's OK.

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Oh, cakeys!

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-This is the life, Nuzz!

-Yeah,

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it's really nice of them to put this food on for us, isn't it, Scratch?

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Yes, it is. I like the creamy thing with the... uh-oh!

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Oh, really!

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Nuzz, I think this is the Mayor's lunch!

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-Oh!

-Run!

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Come on!

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Clippy-cloppy, clippy-cloppy. Careful, Jock.

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Mayor! Sorry about this.

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I'll just pop and get your lovely tablecloth back.

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Nuzzle! Scratch!

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Hey!

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Look, Nuzz. Jock's playing chase.

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Oh, yeah!

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And he's waving too!

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Stop!

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Coo-ee!

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# Here we are!

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# And this is how we're dressed

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# Here we are!

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# We're smarter than the rest

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# When a task needs doing, these are the costumes that are best

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# Here we are!

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# A groovy looking pair

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# Here we are!

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# We're working here and there

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# When a task needs doing

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# These are the costumes that we wear. #

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Oh! This is so much fun, Nuzz.

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The twins are going to love being a pantomime horse.

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Yeah, and I bet they're having fun

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with Captain Cauliflower back at the shop too.

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Where are our costumes?

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Yes, of course. Your costumes.

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I'll just check with Jim.

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Ha-harr, me lads! I be Bosun Jim.

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Stand by to hoist the topsail and splice the main brace.

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Jump to it, me lads, and look sharp for the captain.

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We want our costumes.

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Of course you do.

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Terribly sorry. I'll just go and...

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Stay there.

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'Welcome everyone to the Grand Final.'

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'Next up is Jock riding a, um...

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'pantomime horse?'

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PHONE RINGS

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What was that? Let's get out of here.

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Not so fast!

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It's your phone, Nuzz. Answer it, quickly!

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PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

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It's in here somewhere. Let me see.

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I'm getting dizzy!

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THEY SCREAM

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One?

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We've got to score more than one if we're ever going to win that trophy!

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I found it!

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-Hello?

-Hello?

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Oh, hi, Captain Curry Paste!

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Where on earth are you? The twins are here waiting for their costume.

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Well, we're at the horse show, trying to win a rosette, you see.

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-But Jock's fallen off.

-Yes, the judge has given us a very low score.

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I need that costume, and fast!

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Well, no problem. We'll be back soon.

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I don't think we can win now.

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Well, just hurry up. And don't forget the sponge fingers.

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OK, yeah. Bye. Bye!

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Horse show?

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Come on, Scratch. We better get this costume back.

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You can't leave! There's time to score more points.

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Well, we really should...

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This morning, after my horse hurt his hoof,

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I didn't think I had any chance of winning that trophy.

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But then you two showed up, dressed as a pantomime horse.

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Oh, I remember that bit.

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-I still have time, but I can't do it without you. Who's with me?

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-Well, my legs are awfully tired.

-Nuzzle!

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Well, I'll be the back legs, then.

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Let's get that rosette.

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-Shall we?

-Yeah!

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Very good speech, Jock. You really turned that situation around, man.

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Hey, coo-ee! Mayor!

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Giddy-up!

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'Amazing. It's an alpaca on the back of a horse.'

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Horse riding is difficult.

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-Slow down, Scratch!

-Sorry, Nuzz.

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-We've got to hurry up and finish in time.

-Oh!

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'Here comes the slalom.'

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'Wow, a better score for our new jockey, Nuzzle.

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'But he'll need more than six points to win that trophy.'

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And the rosette!

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Go, Nuzzle!

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Here comes the final jump, Nuzz,

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-it's our last chance to win it!

-OK, Scratch.

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One two three jump!

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'What a jump! What a horse!

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'And what a final score!'

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My knees hurt!

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Oh, we did it! We won the rosette!

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Well, done, team!

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Can I have a rosette now? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?

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Of course. Here you go, Nuzz.

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-Wow!

-Thank you.

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Oh, and Jock, you can have this.

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Here, catch!

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Oh, well, I think we better get back to the sponge finger shop.

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-Come on, giddy-up, Scratch!

-Giddy-up, Nuzzle! Laters, Jock.

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Laters, Mrs Mayor Lady.

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Clip clop, clip clop.

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Time's up, Captain.

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-But...

-Nuzzle! Scratch!

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BOTH: Twins!

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Here are your costumes.

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Thank you, Scratch! Thank you, Nuzzle!

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-Toodle-oodles!

-Bye!

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Bye!

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Phew!

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Now, I've got a joke for you two.

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Oh, I love jokes.

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You'll like this one. What do you get if you give a horse...

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-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-No, no, no. That's not it.

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What do you get if you give a horse an electric guitar?

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I don't know. What do you get if you give a horse an electric guitar?

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A rocking horse!

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Do you get it?

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A horse, and then an electric guitar?

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-Oh, oh, oh!

-See?

-I get it.

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-A rocking horse.

-Yes, a horse with a guitar...

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A rocking horse! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-Boo!

-Oh, Captain!

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He fell down.

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Nuzzle and Scratch!

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