Blue Ears Old Jack's Boat

Good day to you.

# This is the place to be For Salty Dog and me

# Down by the harbour we'll be there

# Round every corner there's something to share

# Give us a cheer Our friends are here

# Just Salty Dog and me. #

Ha-ha, come on, Salty!

# This is the place to meet

# Down at the end of the street

# Seagulls flying up in the blue

# There's always a cup of tea waiting for you

# Out in the sun, heavens above Just Salty Dog and me

# Haul away, haul away Sing the song of the sea

# Hoist the sail, I'll tell you a tale of Salty Dog and me

# This is the place to go

# And these are the people we know

# The village is busy with things to see

# And there's the Rainbow down by the quay

# There's stories to tell, join us as well, just Salty Dog and me. #

MOBILE PHONE BLEEPS

Ah, greetings, Sam! Have you seen Jack around today?

Not today, Captain. I think he's on his way to the Rainbow.

Right, then.

Well, if you see him, tell him about Operation Friendly Chat.

There's a cup of tea waiting for him at The Mermaid!

Ah! Don't worry, Captain Periwinkle. I'll let him know.

I'll give him a call right now!

There's no signal on the Rainbow. That phone won't work!

Oh, you're right.

You could just pop over and tell him.

No, I won't be defeated.

There has to be a way of communicating with Jack from here!

I'll work it out!

See you later then, Sam! Good luck!

There she is, the Rainbow!

Well, what have you got for us today, me dear?

STEAM WHISTLE

Hey-hey!

Come on, Salty.

JACK HUMS TO HIMSELF

There we are.

STEAM WHISTLE

Oh, good girl. Go on. Go in your bed, that's it.

Yep, ha-ha!

Hello?

That looks like Sam, Salty.

What's she doing on the beach today, eh?

Oh! Looks like she's busy.

She's got a stick. She's writing.

No, wait a minute, she's drawing something on the sand.

That's odd. She's drawing an enormous ear.

SALTY WHINES QUIZZICALLY

Why would Sam do a thing like that?

Perhaps it's a message for me.

I can't think why she'd draw an ear, though.

Although that does remind me

of the time I almost got into a lot of trouble over an ear.

Do you remember?

Well, it was a pair of ears, actually.

Yeah. Why don't you make yourself nice and comfy

and I'll tell you a story.

This'll make your whiskers whiffle, Salty, my girl! Hoo-hoo!

Once upon a twinkly time,

the Rainbow set off from Staithes, waved goodbye to Whitby,

and disappeared over the horizon.

# Yes, Salty Dog and me

# Upon the briny sea

# We washed our hands and we brushed our hair

# We're sailing here, we're sailing there

# We take it steady, we're always ready

# A Salty Dog and me! Ha-ha! #

Over the waves we sailed until, suddenly, I heard

a roaring and a raging.

"Huhh! I want my hair cut!"

I dashed to the side of the boat and I looked out.

It was coming from below.

"Come on," I said to Salty, "let's go and investigate."

Soon, we were under the water.

Up ahead of us, we saw a little barber shop

and sitting in the barber's chair

was Derek, the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke.

We were all a-shiver and a-shake at the sight of him.

One wrong move and Derek splashes the waves

so high, you'll end up in the day after tomorrow.

And if you say something he doesn't like, he might shout so loud

that it feels like your ears are changing sides.

And if you look at him the wrong way, he whirls round and round

so fast, it feels like your nose is falling off!

"I want my hair cut!" he roared.

I looked at Salty, Salty looked at me.

"I haven't got any scissors," I said to Salty.

Just then, who should turn up but Charlie Squid?

And, amazing! In each arm, he had a mirror, some scissors,

a towel and some shampoo.

He had the full gear to cut the hair

of Derek, the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke.

"I need you to help me," says Charlie.

"Come on, Salty," I said, "there's a job to be done."

Well, Derek gathered us round about him.

"I'm getting married," he said.

"And I want the world's best haircut,

"but this has to be a secret haircut."

"Do you promise not to tell anyone what you see here today?" he said.

"We promise," I said.

"Remember," said Derek. "Secrets are slippery, there's not a doubt.

"You may keep them in but they'll want to slip out.

"Now, get cutting."

So Charlie got to work. Snip-snip here, snip-snip there.

Back short, sides short, in and out the dusty bluebells.

Salty rushed to and fro, fetching and carrying,

till she got tired and she lay down, she went to sleep.

But then, just then, I noticed THE most amazing thing ever.

Derek, the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke had bright blue ears!

They were peeping out from under his hair!

Charlie didn't see them. He just went on snipping.

And Salty didn't notice because Salty was asleep

but, oh, dear me. Oh!

Derek saw me looking at his bright blue ears, and he said,

"Remember, not a word to a single person. Sh!"

"Finished!" said Charlie.

And Derek, delighted, He was so delighted,

he said that Charlie, Salty and I were invited to his wedding feast,

that very evening.

And off he went in his special underwater Derek Dive-o-mobile.

"Come on, Salty, me old girl, we've got a bit of a walk ahead of us,

"if we want to go to this feast," I said. So off we went.

But, all the time, I was thinking, "Whatever I do, I must never,

"never tell a single person about Derek's bright blue ears."

HE LAUGHS

But it wasn't long before we came across George the swordfish.

"Hello," says I.

"It's amazing. Derek the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke's got bright blue..."

Boosh! I stopped myself.

"He's got bright blue trousers."

That was close!

Salty looked at me very strangely. Well, we walked on a bit further

and came across the Cod Twins, playing at being Derek.

And I said, "Hang on a minute.

"If you two are being Derek, your ears should be..."

Oosh! I stopped myself.

"Your ears should be listening out

"for anything that might be coming past, like sharks, or crocodiles."

(That was close!)

Salty looked at me very, very strangely.

We walked on a bit further and came across a little painter fish.

He was painting a picture of Derek for his wedding.

I looked at the picture and I said, "The ears. Derek's ears are...

Sh!

Just managed to stop myself.

"Derek's ears are beautiful," I said.

"Thank you," says the painter.

Oh, that was close.

Well, Salty looked at me very strangely.

But secrets are slippery, there's not a doubt.

You may keep them in, but they want to slip out.

Ho-ho-ho! Well, I just had to tell someone about Derek's blue ears.

So who could I tell?

I looked at Salty. Salty looked at me.

"Salty," I said, "I know you can keep a secret, and you really must,

"must, must keep this secret. But, you see, I've got to tell someone!

"Derek the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke has got bright blue ears!"

HE CACKLES

And Salty smiled. And nodded.

Yeah. She could keep a secret, all right.

"Oh, that felt better," I thought.

And then, we got to Derek's wedding feast.

Oh, ho-ho! It was a huge wedding.

Everyone who was anyone was there, including a beautiful bride,

who was now Mrs Derek, and of course me and Charlie and Salty.

And the band was playing and, oh, it was wonderful!

Everyone was dancing, even Salty! You should have seen her!

It all got so exciting that, all of a sudden,

Salty just burst out, singing,

# Derek's got bright blue ears

# Derek's got blue ears

# Do you know what? I know what! Derek's got bright blue ears! #

"Stop right there!" shouted Derek.

And the room went silent.

I was horrified.

Derek looked angry.

"I heard that, every word of it."

"Who said that?"

Everyone looked round and - yes, it was you -

and everyone looked at Salty.

"This is your dog, isn't it?" Derek said to me.

"You must have told your dog about my bright blue ears," said Derek.

"Yes," I said. And I did some quick thinking.

Well, you said I mustn't tell a single person.

I didn't tell a single person.

I told a dog.

Salty Dog! My lovely old Salty Dog!

For a moment, there was another silence and then...

HE LAUGHS

"Oh, yes," said Derek.

"Yes, you're right. You didn't tell a single person.

"You told your dog! Ha-ha-ha! Very funny!

"Oh, you make me laugh, Jack! Ha-ha! What am I making a fuss about?

"So I've got bright blue ears. My wife's got bright yellow ears!"

Well, we looked at the lovely bride,

and she did indeed have bright yellow ears.

"That's why I love her," said Derek. "We're all different!"

And then Derek announced, "Everybody at the wedding,

"let's all sing a new song."

# Derek's got bright blue ears

# Derek's got blue ears

# Do you know what? I know what! Derek's got bright blue ears! #

Oh, everyone joined in. It was fantastic!

And later, as everyone sang and danced away in the moonlight,

we returned to the Rainbow, tired and happy.

Ha! We set our course for the horizon

and chug-chug-chugged away under a sky full of stars.

RAINBOW WHISTLES

Back to Staithes and home.

We had a lovely time.

HE LAUGHS

RAINBOW WHISTLES

Here, Salty, I wonder if Sam's finished that drawing on the beach.

Shall we take a look? Go on, then.

HE GRUNTS

There we are. Ha-ha!

JACK HUMS TO HIMSELF

Oh?

I think she wants something, Salty!

Maybe it's something to do with that ear she drew on the sand! Ha!

Ooh, wait a minute.

That's not an ear.

That's the handle of a teacup!

Ha, I think I know what she's trying to tell me, Salty!

Ha-ha! There's a cup of tea waiting for me.

We're coming, Sam! We're coming!

Come on, girl. I think there's a cup of tea waiting for me

at the Mermaid Cafe.

Oh, and yeah, we've got to go now, but we'll see you again, very soon.

All right? Yeah. Bye-bye for now. Come on, girl.