Blue Ears Old Jack's Boat


Blue Ears

Children's series. Jack tells the tale of a haircut that does not go according to plan!


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Transcript


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Good day to you.

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# This is the place to be For Salty Dog and me

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# Down by the harbour we'll be there

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# Round every corner there's something to share

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# Give us a cheer Our friends are here

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# Just Salty Dog and me. #

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Ha-ha, come on, Salty!

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# This is the place to meet

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# Down at the end of the street

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# Seagulls flying up in the blue

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# There's always a cup of tea waiting for you

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# Out in the sun, heavens above Just Salty Dog and me

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# Haul away, haul away Sing the song of the sea

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# Hoist the sail, I'll tell you a tale of Salty Dog and me

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# This is the place to go

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# And these are the people we know

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# The village is busy with things to see

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# And there's the Rainbow down by the quay

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# There's stories to tell, join us as well, just Salty Dog and me. #

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MOBILE PHONE BLEEPS

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Ah, greetings, Sam! Have you seen Jack around today?

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Not today, Captain. I think he's on his way to the Rainbow.

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Right, then.

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Well, if you see him, tell him about Operation Friendly Chat.

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There's a cup of tea waiting for him at The Mermaid!

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Ah! Don't worry, Captain Periwinkle. I'll let him know.

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I'll give him a call right now!

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There's no signal on the Rainbow. That phone won't work!

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Oh, you're right.

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You could just pop over and tell him.

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No, I won't be defeated.

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There has to be a way of communicating with Jack from here!

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I'll work it out!

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See you later then, Sam! Good luck!

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There she is, the Rainbow!

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Well, what have you got for us today, me dear?

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STEAM WHISTLE

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Hey-hey!

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Come on, Salty.

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JACK HUMS TO HIMSELF

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There we are.

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STEAM WHISTLE

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Oh, good girl. Go on. Go in your bed, that's it.

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Yep, ha-ha!

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Hello?

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That looks like Sam, Salty.

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What's she doing on the beach today, eh?

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Oh! Looks like she's busy.

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She's got a stick. She's writing.

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No, wait a minute, she's drawing something on the sand.

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That's odd. She's drawing an enormous ear.

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SALTY WHINES QUIZZICALLY

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Why would Sam do a thing like that?

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Perhaps it's a message for me.

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I can't think why she'd draw an ear, though.

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Although that does remind me

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of the time I almost got into a lot of trouble over an ear.

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Do you remember?

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Well, it was a pair of ears, actually.

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Yeah. Why don't you make yourself nice and comfy

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and I'll tell you a story.

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This'll make your whiskers whiffle, Salty, my girl! Hoo-hoo!

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Once upon a twinkly time,

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the Rainbow set off from Staithes, waved goodbye to Whitby,

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and disappeared over the horizon.

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# Yes, Salty Dog and me

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# Upon the briny sea

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# We washed our hands and we brushed our hair

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# We're sailing here, we're sailing there

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# We take it steady, we're always ready

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# A Salty Dog and me! Ha-ha! #

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Over the waves we sailed until, suddenly, I heard

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a roaring and a raging.

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"Huhh! I want my hair cut!"

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I dashed to the side of the boat and I looked out.

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It was coming from below.

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"Come on," I said to Salty, "let's go and investigate."

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Soon, we were under the water.

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Up ahead of us, we saw a little barber shop

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and sitting in the barber's chair

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was Derek, the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke.

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We were all a-shiver and a-shake at the sight of him.

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One wrong move and Derek splashes the waves

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so high, you'll end up in the day after tomorrow.

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And if you say something he doesn't like, he might shout so loud

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that it feels like your ears are changing sides.

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And if you look at him the wrong way, he whirls round and round

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so fast, it feels like your nose is falling off!

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"I want my hair cut!" he roared.

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I looked at Salty, Salty looked at me.

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"I haven't got any scissors," I said to Salty.

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Just then, who should turn up but Charlie Squid?

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And, amazing! In each arm, he had a mirror, some scissors,

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a towel and some shampoo.

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He had the full gear to cut the hair

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of Derek, the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke.

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"I need you to help me," says Charlie.

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"Come on, Salty," I said, "there's a job to be done."

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Well, Derek gathered us round about him.

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"I'm getting married," he said.

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"And I want the world's best haircut,

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"but this has to be a secret haircut."

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"Do you promise not to tell anyone what you see here today?" he said.

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"We promise," I said.

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"Remember," said Derek. "Secrets are slippery, there's not a doubt.

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"You may keep them in but they'll want to slip out.

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"Now, get cutting."

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So Charlie got to work. Snip-snip here, snip-snip there.

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Back short, sides short, in and out the dusty bluebells.

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Salty rushed to and fro, fetching and carrying,

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till she got tired and she lay down, she went to sleep.

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But then, just then, I noticed THE most amazing thing ever.

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Derek, the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke had bright blue ears!

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They were peeping out from under his hair!

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Charlie didn't see them. He just went on snipping.

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And Salty didn't notice because Salty was asleep

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but, oh, dear me. Oh!

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Derek saw me looking at his bright blue ears, and he said,

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"Remember, not a word to a single person. Sh!"

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"Finished!" said Charlie.

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And Derek, delighted, He was so delighted,

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he said that Charlie, Salty and I were invited to his wedding feast,

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that very evening.

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And off he went in his special underwater Derek Dive-o-mobile.

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"Come on, Salty, me old girl, we've got a bit of a walk ahead of us,

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"if we want to go to this feast," I said. So off we went.

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But, all the time, I was thinking, "Whatever I do, I must never,

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"never tell a single person about Derek's bright blue ears."

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HE LAUGHS

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But it wasn't long before we came across George the swordfish.

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"Hello," says I.

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"It's amazing. Derek the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke's got bright blue..."

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Boosh! I stopped myself.

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"He's got bright blue trousers."

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That was close!

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Salty looked at me very strangely. Well, we walked on a bit further

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and came across the Cod Twins, playing at being Derek.

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And I said, "Hang on a minute.

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"If you two are being Derek, your ears should be..."

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Oosh! I stopped myself.

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"Your ears should be listening out

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"for anything that might be coming past, like sharks, or crocodiles."

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(That was close!)

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Salty looked at me very, very strangely.

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We walked on a bit further and came across a little painter fish.

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He was painting a picture of Derek for his wedding.

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I looked at the picture and I said, "The ears. Derek's ears are...

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Sh!

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Just managed to stop myself.

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"Derek's ears are beautiful," I said.

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"Thank you," says the painter.

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Oh, that was close.

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Well, Salty looked at me very strangely.

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But secrets are slippery, there's not a doubt.

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You may keep them in, but they want to slip out.

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Ho-ho-ho! Well, I just had to tell someone about Derek's blue ears.

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So who could I tell?

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I looked at Salty. Salty looked at me.

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"Salty," I said, "I know you can keep a secret, and you really must,

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"must, must keep this secret. But, you see, I've got to tell someone!

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"Derek the Deep Sea Dastardly Duke has got bright blue ears!"

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HE CACKLES

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And Salty smiled. And nodded.

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Yeah. She could keep a secret, all right.

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"Oh, that felt better," I thought.

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And then, we got to Derek's wedding feast.

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Oh, ho-ho! It was a huge wedding.

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Everyone who was anyone was there, including a beautiful bride,

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who was now Mrs Derek, and of course me and Charlie and Salty.

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And the band was playing and, oh, it was wonderful!

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Everyone was dancing, even Salty! You should have seen her!

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It all got so exciting that, all of a sudden,

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Salty just burst out, singing,

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# Derek's got bright blue ears

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# Derek's got blue ears

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# Do you know what? I know what! Derek's got bright blue ears! #

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"Stop right there!" shouted Derek.

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And the room went silent.

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I was horrified.

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Derek looked angry.

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"I heard that, every word of it."

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"Who said that?"

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Everyone looked round and - yes, it was you -

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and everyone looked at Salty.

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"This is your dog, isn't it?" Derek said to me.

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"You must have told your dog about my bright blue ears," said Derek.

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"Yes," I said. And I did some quick thinking.

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Well, you said I mustn't tell a single person.

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I didn't tell a single person.

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I told a dog.

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Salty Dog! My lovely old Salty Dog!

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For a moment, there was another silence and then...

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HE LAUGHS

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"Oh, yes," said Derek.

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"Yes, you're right. You didn't tell a single person.

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"You told your dog! Ha-ha-ha! Very funny!

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"Oh, you make me laugh, Jack! Ha-ha! What am I making a fuss about?

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"So I've got bright blue ears. My wife's got bright yellow ears!"

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Well, we looked at the lovely bride,

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and she did indeed have bright yellow ears.

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"That's why I love her," said Derek. "We're all different!"

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And then Derek announced, "Everybody at the wedding,

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"let's all sing a new song."

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# Derek's got bright blue ears

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# Derek's got blue ears

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# Do you know what? I know what! Derek's got bright blue ears! #

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Oh, everyone joined in. It was fantastic!

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And later, as everyone sang and danced away in the moonlight,

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we returned to the Rainbow, tired and happy.

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Ha! We set our course for the horizon

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and chug-chug-chugged away under a sky full of stars.

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RAINBOW WHISTLES

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Back to Staithes and home.

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We had a lovely time.

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HE LAUGHS

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RAINBOW WHISTLES

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Here, Salty, I wonder if Sam's finished that drawing on the beach.

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Shall we take a look? Go on, then.

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HE GRUNTS

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There we are. Ha-ha!

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JACK HUMS TO HIMSELF

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Oh?

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I think she wants something, Salty!

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Maybe it's something to do with that ear she drew on the sand! Ha!

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Ooh, wait a minute.

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That's not an ear.

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That's the handle of a teacup!

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Ha, I think I know what she's trying to tell me, Salty!

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Ha-ha! There's a cup of tea waiting for me.

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We're coming, Sam! We're coming!

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Come on, girl. I think there's a cup of tea waiting for me

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at the Mermaid Cafe.

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Oh, and yeah, we've got to go now, but we'll see you again, very soon.

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All right? Yeah. Bye-bye for now. Come on, girl.

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