Bag Girl Stepping Up

DOG BARKS

HORN BEEPS

BELL RINGS

Come on! Go, Rock Rebel Rollers!

Go, Rollers!

That was awesome! Ruby knocked 'em to bits, she's a ledge.

We're top of the League cos of her!

Not a real league though, is it? Not like...

Men's hockey(!) Boys with sticks and bricks for brains.

It's faster, more exciting.

THIS is exciting!

You left them on the windowsill to dry.

The High Elf Sword Masters are OK,

-but Mum hoovered up two Rat Ogres by mistake.

-You're kidding?!

Sorry. Painting plastic armies is such a dangerous boy thing(!)

Death by Hoover.

Oi! It's all about tactics.

I've battled Ghazghkull Thraka!

Like to see you do it on wheels, mate!

MUSIC: "Wreckin' Crew" by The Meteors

# Well, it's night time in the city

# We're all going out to play

# There ain't no-one could catch us

# Couldn't stop us anyway

# Gonna do just what we wanna do

# Get out of the way We're the wreckin' crew... #

Where were you? I've been waiting here ages.

You could have bought it. Mum gave you the money, didn't she?

I didn't know what size you were. Well, where's the list?

Right, OK. Cardigan, 34, blazer, skirt...

Trousers.

No. You know St Albertine's don't allow it.

Why? I'm not a nun.

-TILL RINGS

-£89.48.

Ha!

Get off! What took you so long?

I already got my uniform.

Becks, Mum's not given us enough. You got any cash?

As if.

Erm, we'll leave the blazer, thanks.

You can wear my old one. I get to wear what I like in Year 12.

-Why not give the skirt back?

-No!

We'll say they ran out.

Hi, Gerome, you all sorted for next week?

Bet all the girls are going to miss you.

I'll miss putting penalties past him.

I'll miss beating you at maths.

Hm! Try trigonometry. And chemistry, physics, German, French, economics.

Welcome to the real world.

At least primary let us wear trousers.

Go on, then.

Does the blazer look OK?

Always did on me.

Says you.

Excuse me, I make an effort.

I don't look like something the cat's just dragged in.

-Wait for me.

-Dorks' entrance is through there.

Oh, my days. Becky, it's awesome!

'St Albertine's Catholic School for Girls will be enjoyable

'and fulfilling.

'We welcome you to this excellent sports and technology college.

'And we hope this new year will surpass all our previous achievements.

'Presenting your head,

'Miss Hopkins.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's Miss Hopkins the headmistress.

Think's she's the first lady.

And especially welcome, new faces.

That's O'Brien - head of PE. Ready for her cross country torture?

-Her what?

-Duh!

Miss O'Brien makes all year sevens run around the school

in the rain to test how fit they are.

..knows the meaning of hard work and applies herself to her studies...

Of course,

our standards are high.

That's how we achieve such enviable results.

It starts with a rigorous approach to timekeeping and presentation.

Remember, girls, you represent the school!

Whether walking from home or gathering at a bus stop.

Becky, it's for you!

And on a more practical note,

a school bag must be able to accommodate an A4 pad,

a pencil case

and bottle of water.

Not be so microscopic as to only hold a phone

and some chewing gum, which appears to be the fashion these days.

"Do you know Gerome Clark?"

Need I remind you, once in a kneeling position in the chapel,

your skirt hem must touch the floor?

This is a correct length for a St Albertine's skirt.

You had lunch?

Erm...laters.

What is up with you?

It's my bra - the straps keep coming down.

It's driving me nuts!

You're wearing a bra?

Ssh! Look it's Kelly Wilson, from St Michael's.

She's been mad on Gerome all summer.

Wow, how boring was that assembly? You two had maths yet?

Mr Green's a complete babe.

Aw, I know!

So, Becky, tell us all about Gerome.

Well, he thinks he's great at footy, but he's not.

He has ketchup with everything.

Ah, me, too! Go on!

He picks his nose a lot.

Eurgh, that's disgusting!

I'll save you a bogey next time I see him.

Come along, girls! BELL RINGS

Remember where your form rooms are?

-I think so.

-Rebecca Tyler, isn't it?

Quite the sportswoman, I hear.

Really? Who said?

Melanie's mentioned you.

400 metres medal winner.

Mel? My sister?

You must try out for the basketball team.

In fact, you all should, girls.

Basketball, miss?

I could use you. Who else?

Sorry, miss, but I've got to finish reading Breaking Dawn.

Just Rebecca then.

Did Mel really big me up?

Wednesday lunchtime, Friday after school.

I skate on Fridays at the sports centre.

There's a league I'm hoping to join when I'm 18,

-Rock Rebel Rollers.

-You won a skate roller derby? Wow.

Tough cookie.

Wednesday lunchtime it is.

-So, Melanie Tyler's your sister?

-Yes.

That her old blazer, then?

-Can you tell?

-Oh, Becky, that's so lame.

Just tell your mum to get lost. I would. I mean,

no-one wants to look like a bag lady on their first day.

I'm not a bag lady.

ROCK MUSIC

You used my lip brushes to paint your toy soldiers!

-Gerome wanted tiny ones.

-I don't care! Don't touch my make-up!

-Need a paint roller for that face.

-Oh, shut up!

-What is it now?

-They're ruined! Look!

She's used all my make-up removal pads to clean her skates!

-There's grit in there. Want me to crash?

-Yes!

-Give it a rest!

Would it hurt to try and get on when I'm home?

-She started it.

-Put your skates away, get your homework done.

-Tomorrow, get more cotton wool and replace Mel's brushes.

-Finally.

Stop winding your sister up.

-Don't leave stuff lying around for her to take.

-Borrow.

She's a total loser and she's too thick to notice.

Even your so called mates call you the bag lady!

Urgh!

How are things, love?

-Is the homework too much for you?

-No.

You haven't mentioned any new friends, are the other girls OK?

They're fine.

Why not call in on Gerome on your way to skating, eh?

Thought you were best friends.

I rang him. Too much homework.

Aw, it's tough at first, I know, but it'll get easier, love. Promise.

PANTING

Come on, one more lap.

Well done, Becky. That's your best time yet.

-Thanks, miss.

-Go and dry off.

Er, Kelly!

Thank you. Not in my lesson.

Did you see it though, Narina?

Did I? Has to be the best ever!

-Really?

-Best in year seven at least. I'm so jealous.

Can't beat that.

-Underwired?

-No.

-Fillets?

-Don't need 'em.

-Plunge?

-Balconette. Three-quarter cup.

-Crossovers?

-Fixed.

-I'd have gone for a halter myself. And the size?

-32.

-Cup?

-A.

-Impressive.

-Sorry!

Kelly thinks my bra is the best ever.

It's...epic.

Now SHE'S got to be a 28AA!

THEY LAUGH

THEY SPEAK INAUDIBLY

Mum!

THUNDER AND CHILDREN'S VOICES

My foot's gone green.

-I've got foot rot!

-Oh, give it here.

Purgh!

Poison gas attack. It'll set the alarm off.

SHE LAUGHS

Why won't my dad give me a lift ever?

What's that smell? Smells like a bag lady.

THEY GIGGLE

So, you got Miss Murray's coursework?

She'll go mad if you haven't got it.

I heard she kept the whole of 7M in for an hour,

because one girl forgot.

No! It's all run.

We've got to get across the field. It is tipping down.

-Oh!

-SHE LAUGHS

Stick it in here if you like. I'll take it across for you.

-Who's Ruby Rampage?

-A skater.

Donna Deathrow. Mindy Mayhem.

Why is your bag signed by girls? Don't you like boys?

Of course I do!

That's the Roller Derby team, wickedest girls on four wheels.

Oh, I get it.

Gerome said you were a tomboy. Climb trees, eat worms.

I was five! He ate one too!

My Gerome would never.

Since when has he been YOUR Gerome?

Since he signed my bag. He's my boyfriend now.

-Didn't you know?

-Course.

Hello, Becky.

HE LAUGHS

Got you.

My blazer. Look what you've done.

I've gotta get clean.

Just leave it off, we'll use it for a goal.

I didn't bring a ball.

We'll go into the model shop, then, for wizards and monsters.

I'm not into that any more.

Don't go telling anyone I was either.

-Who would I tell?

-I dunno.

Who? Who?

-Who?

-You an owl or something?

Get this, yeah?

Kelly Wilson has got your name on her bag.

She thinks you're her boyfriend.

All that stuff about too much homework.

I've got loads of essays to write.

Do you write them with Kelly?

Sometimes. No big deal.

Why didn't you tell me? We're supposed to be best mates.

I thought SHE'D tell you. Girls together and all that.

Well, you two obviously talked about me.

Now she thinks she's got one over.

She says I'm a worm-eating tomboy. A bag lady.

-She'd never say that.

-Got you fooled.

Just cos Kelly's got style and she's dead popular,

-what's wrong with that? She's cool.

-Cool.

Does she know about the X-Men posters in your room?

Actually, Kelly's well into Wolverine.

And yeah, I wrote my name on her bag. Her wicked bag.

I'm off. See you around.

-How could I have not noticed?

-Mum, it's fine. It's all sorted now.

She'll think I was too busy to care.

No, she won't.

We think you're the best mum in the world.

Hi, love. We've been out shopping.

-Mum, I need a new bag.

-What's wrong with your old one?

I lost it.

You lost your skate bag?

-But you've still got all your books.

-I mean, it was confiscated.

-Confiscated? Why?

-It broke the rules?

-What?

Oh, no. That's typical, that is.

I mean, how dare they let her walk home carrying those books.

-I'm going to phone the school

-No. It wasn't the school.

I was mugged.

Mugged?

Becks, were you hurt?

-No, I'm fine.

-Who'd mug you for that tatty old bag?

Some boy, at the bus stop.

But I got my books out first.

He wasn't at any school I know, but,

the bus sped off and my bag was gone.

Just as well buses have cameras then, isn't it??

-I'll call the police.

-No.

-Mum, please...

-She's scared. It's all right, love. We'll sort it.

Mel, make some tea.

I've got something might cheer you up.

Can't we just get a new bag? I need a smaller one, though.

We went out especially.

Mel guessed the size, but I've got the receipt if it's wrong.

Becks.

I don't want a bra.

We all had our first one, love.

You can choose some others.

-Isn't it about time you stopped dressing like a boy?

-No.

I want a bag.

To replace the one the mugger took before giving your books back?

-Right.

-Mugged, were you?

Think I was born yesterday?

-Stashed in the back of her wardrobe, more like.

-Mum, I need a bag.

A smaller one with ears.

You can get them down the high street.

If it's a new bag you're after, here, use this.

Think I'm made of money?

This is not a canteen.

Any girls not involved in this lunchtime's match, please go away.

NOW.

Becca. Quick, quick.

Hold on, you.

I knew it!

SHE LAUGHS

Dol, it's driving me mad.

I feel all tied up, but bits keep falling down.

Just tighten the straps, you'll be fine.

-Nice bag, by the way.

-Thanks.

Do you like mine?

St Helga's are here!

Six foot and hairy.

I've got cramps, tummy ache. Tell miss.

Kelly, she's just winding you up.

-You sorted your bra straps yet?

-I took it off, it felt too weird.

-Where is it?

-Girls, please, keep the noise down.

St Helga's are waiting quietly on the court.

Let's show them WE can be disciplined. Where's my captain?

She's lost her new bra, miss.

It doesn't matter, miss. Honest.

-Have a quick look. It can't have gone far.

-I don't need it, miss.

-Can say that again.

-If it's lost, my mum will go mad, OK?

Becky, don't worry. Someone will have picked it up by mistake.

We'll have a good look after the match.

No-one's looking at MY bra, miss.

That's not what I meant, Kelly.

-Becky would look at my bra if she could.

-No, I wouldn't!

She's done it before, ask Dol.

She's not like other girls, Just ask MY Gerome.

Gerome was playing with elves and goblins

before he signed your bag and became your zombie.

-Girls, enough.

-She's just jealous.

She copies everything I do, even her new bag,

which in case you haven't noticed, Becky Tyler, is so last year.

I'd rather be last year than lug a pink suitcase to school.

I wouldn't look at your bra if it was the last one on the planet!

Right, that's enough.

-Becky. Rebecca.

-I've got cramps.

-You've got a match to play.

-I'll visit the nurse, miss.

Melanie.

-Becky didn't come back from the nurse.

-The nurse?

I doubt she went at all.

There was an upset between her and another girl

just as she was about to play a match.

We phoned home, there's no-one there.

I'm free now, I'll go

I'll call you guys later.

(Buddy, what have you found? What have you got, boy?)

DOG BARKS Oh.

Becks?

Becky?

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Little skive forgot her key.

Hello, Mel. I've just found this.

Hello.

You skated 25 in less than five minutes 42.

That's epic.

Thanks. I can do better, though.

I've watched you all season.

Your jammers bounce through the blockers like pinballs.

-That's why you keep winning.

-Do you skate?

Not any more. I'm rubbish at things.

Why would you say that?

I walked out on my basketball team.

I lost my temper with some girl

after loosing something my mum bought me.

And after, I lost my best friend.

I'm useless.

Sounds like you just need to work on your tactics.

Really?

I just thought I'd just go away.

I've got an aunty in Sheffield.

What, and miss our roller disco?

-I'll need you to bring some friends.

-I would.

Becks. Ah, thank goodness you're safe.

-I was talking to Ruby.

-Oh.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Why are you not skating?

-Can't, can I?

You can have a go.

I sold my skates to buy a stupid bag after I drowned my old one.

Swing by whenever. I always need someone to help time my laps.

So, that's the famous Ruby Rampage.

She doesn't take it from anyone.

A lot like you, then.

How was the basketball match?

Things were so much easier last year.

It was just football,

fantasy war games,

-skating.

-Gerome.

I wish we'd stayed down in primary.

Gerome's still a mate.

it's just you've got different things going on

in secondary school, that's all. It'll all work out.

Kelly Wilson hates me.

Today.

Tomorrow, it'll be somebody else.

Miss O'Brien told me about the argument and the bra.

I had tons of arguments in year seven and eight.

Why didn't you tell me about it?

How could I?

You think I'm just as much a dork as Kelly does.

You're not a dork.

You rock.

-Who did you sell your skates to?

-The Money Shop on the High Street.

What? They've got a nerve taking stuff from kids.

I used your make-up. I looked 18.

I bet you looked a right sight.

You go back to them and say Trading Standards will be onto them.

-Can you come with me?

-Sure.

Look here, look, I've got three quid.

We'll have them, thanks.

-Mel?

-Hmm?

Can we not tell Mum?

I mean, we can sort it out ourselves, yeah?

There's a stinking bag of slime in the kitchen sink. Quick!

No way. That's going in the bin.

MUSIC

Idiot.

Well, this is lovely.

Yes. Nice dinner, Mel. Thanks.

Geography OK?

I need a hand with the graph.

You can use my felt pens if you want.

Have I come in to the right house?

Quite an excellent start to the year, ladies.

This half term has been full of potential and promise.

If only some of my girls did not fall victim to the latest fad

sweeping the lower school.

Need I remind you that a St Albertine's shoe is black,

-or blue, with a sensible sole and matching laces?

-That's you.

And you.

THEY GIGGLE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd