On Stage: Live from Television Centre

This programme contains strong language.

Welcome to On Stage: Live from Television Centre.

Tonight we're broadcasting a giant theatrical event live

from the place that was the home of much of BBC Television

It's from this historic site that the majority of the BBC's best loved

live drama on TV - shows like Dixon of Dock Green and Play for Today.

Tonight we are celebrating that tradition

by returning to live performance - but with new works commissioned

It is a huge experiment. Who knows what might ha. But whatever it is,

it is going to be exciting. Shows like the ones we are about to

see can be experienced in theatres all over the country every night,

but never before on television. Next up, and also next to them

in Studio 1, is Watford based moments from Television Centre's

history as he recreates the scenes Well, it will be back, kind of.

the peeing baby elephant on Our third show is set

in the old Drama Block. No Guts, No Heart, No Glory from

Common Wealth, a theatre company whose members come from Bradford

and Cardiff, and whose show is based on the real life testimonies

of young, female Muslim boxers. And finally

in the old prop store we have Also known as Jess Thom, we've asked

her to organise the grand finale, And just wait and see how her

Tourette's Syndrome which means she says "biscuit "16,000 times a day,

will be a positive advantage. Gecko started out life at Battersea

Arts Centre more than ten years ago. Their shows have toured to more than

20 countries all over the world, and they are now based at the New Wolsey

Theatre in Ipswich, where you will The company is made up

of an international group of performers who tell stories with

physical gestures and dance. This evening's show has been created

especially for Live From Television Centre and is

called The Time of Your Life! . Hi. You got me, you got me. Are

you surprised sweetie? Yes, I was sweetie. Did you, did you really?

Amazing, incredible. OK. Hey, you. Hey. Buddy. Was it good? It was

really, really, a big surprise. No, well, I can't, I haven't got a lot

to say but, you know, really, in the end, thank you is really all I can

say, thank you so much. Yeah, OK, OK. LAUGHS

It is a really special feeling, you know, emotional as well, you know.

Do you? Really? It's incredible, friendship, you know. Faces! I can't

believe it. I can't believe what you said.

LAUGHTER Thank you so much. That's a very special thing.

Budge up. No way!

I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to go to bed.

. Beautiful. In the presence of your friends. Love and behold.

All of these people. They were standing around.

I am so proud of you. She always laughed her way through life. She

was one of the most incredibly amazing human beings... We will miss

her terribly. She was so generous to us over the years.

We are here together in the presence of God.

APPLAUSE Wonderful!

A friend, a soul mate, I hope you are resting peacefully, my love. I

Will always love you. I'm scared, I'm scared. Don't be

scared. APPLAUSE

Well done, Peter, congratulations. We trust you had The Time Of Your

Life. Peter, we have captured images of your life and there are some

great moments. Great friends, a loving upbringing and also the

harder times that make you are more what you are. That is all available

to you. Rest assured, we have a strict privacy policy. We have

another opportunity... I cannot speak at the moment. Perhaps another

time. We think this is the right direction for you. The exit is in

front of you. Please do recommend us to all your friends. Thank you.

Surprise! I just wanted to talk to you. You

moved me so much, what you did... I just need to speak to you for one

moment. Please sign this. Listen, you cannot

be here. You will get me in trouble. Something incredible happened today

and I think there is something going on between us. No. Peter, you have

no idea how difficult this is for us. Every day we are giving

everything. I feel nothing. I need to know... I have no feelings any

more. What is going on here? Just tell me

what is going on? I need to speak to you! I just

needed to say, you don't need to do this. There are choices. You can

make a choice! Come, out, out of this building now! You need to get

out. You don't understand! Get out! right.

HE BREATHS HEAVILY Surprise!

SHOUTING One of you sort this out before I do it myself.

This is going to be fantastic. THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE. They are

together. Come, come. # THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE. They are

going to have a great day together. Altogether. Do you understand what

I'm saying? What an astonishing feature. And

wherever you are watching, from Shetland to Southampton, I hope you

were blown away by that performance. We're live from Television Centre,

which was sold by the BBC in 2012 to developers

and right now is a building site. It's the live television

which was once created here in this huge atmospheric space which has

inspired the next show, The Redux It's probably best that he explains

things to you himself - oh, and by the way,

expect some strong language. Richard.

recreating some beloved moments Richard.

TV centre's illustrious past. Richard.

explain why in a minute. Christ, no, don't help me!

Italian and is therefore very apt. It's important that I do this

on my own. Yes,

this is the Redux Project. You can tweet us at #TheReduxProject

We're live at TV Centre and over the next 29 minutes we'll attempt

to recreate some classic clips from the BBC Archives, in the exact

locations where the originals took The redux project started two years

ago. I tried another redux in Glasgow and the same thing happened.

Since then I've made than 40 reduxes all around the world with the

ultimate intention of destabilising Hollywood by making cheap versions

of derivative blockbusters. My redux is attention to dale and perfection

within limited means. Although people like the bits that aren't

accurate best. This is a reproduction. My reduxes

have been getting more and more ambitious and popular to the extent

now they are on TV. Am I being absorbed into the mainstream or

subbers having a national institution? Mind out over the next

25 minutes. And by 10:00 tonight we'll have

hopefully made another 10 Reduxes. I've never tried to Redux live

before, You might still recognise this car

park though as the location And here's the camera that's going

to film it, in precisely This is quite an easy one,

so let's put the original clip on the left of the screen,

and let's put us on the right. Good, that was quite good. Can I see

what it looks like? Yeah, not bad. Do you mind trying a couple of more

times. Faster and come around further. OK.

Now all the other clips we'll be Reduxing tonight are

from live non-scripted non-dramatic television, this is partially so we

don't have to pay repeat fees to the actors and scriptwriters - if we did

that we wouldn't be able to afford our big finale in....

18 minutes everybody - but also because live, unscripted

television is more exciting, because things can go wrong.

Like the artist studio that I've just been evicted from,

Television Centre is currently being turned into luxury properties.

The BBC sold it for ?200 million and an Anglo Canadian Japanese

consortium is currently busy transforming it into 950 apartments,

townhouses and penthouses, starting at ?650,000

for a one bedroom flat and rising to ?7 million

About 15% of these will be affordable homes,

in a separate building to be constructed later on, and priced

It's the the the artists' fault. They move into dilapidated areas.

Then rents go up. Artists have to move up and before you know it, you

are surrounded by exotic three-syllable restaurant

franchises. I'm trying to count they are problem by raising a record to

raise awareness about the plight of British performance artists.

Please help. And also, with be an aggressive programme of creative

degentification. This may look like an unassuming street utility Cabane

net, the kind we pass unnoticed every day but it is a flat pack

micro-studio, capable of a workspace for artists and Syrian refugees.

And I've already distributed hundreds of these around London.

It may not look like much now but in 1963 TV Centre was the white heat

of technology - the largest, most modern and well-equipped

TV studio complex in the world, and to show it off to all the BBC

The UK didn't win the previous year, France did but were unable to host

in 1963, due to financial short comings. The BBC hired a helicopter

to show off the soon to be iconic architecture of it. V centre. -- TV

centre. Here are a classic of BBC moments

that we are unable to redux tonight due to ongoing constructive work.

And also, an insufficient quantity of red hoodies.

We're now approaching the King Doors of Studio One of the former

And as you can see it's a hive

Excuse me, Richard, what do you think with this Dobby

It's here in TC1 where the winning song of Eurovision 1963

It's against BBC guidelines to broadcast in monochrome, so we've

painted our performers black and white - but not in a racist way.

I had to send an English translation of those lyrics to

Tonight we'll be focusing on Reduxing pivotal TV moments - from

my youth - that changed the way I look

The first Song For Europe I can remember was won

by the UK's most famous Eurovision act Bucks Fizz.

Making Your Mind Up, famous for its skirt-ripping gimmick.

# If you want to see some more... Force

Sorry about that ladies and genitalmen,

we seem to have been infiltrated by some radical feminists.

And we're back with the Redux Project!

Our attempt to restage 10 classic moments of BBC

It's organised chaos behind me. I hope you like this set. It is

designed to resolve but also evolve. That's a very expensive

Alan Partridge joke there. Following the success of Bucks Fizz,

other Eurovision acts introduced prop-based gimmicks

into their performances. Such as 1983 UK finalists

Sweet Dreams, who during a stool high-kick got rather tangled

up in their microphone cables, but made an excellent recovery and

endeared themselves to the nation. Well, tonight we're going to avoid

such calamity by using Ladies and gentlemen,

introducing Sweet Dreams. # But I keep holding on until I know

the chance has gone # I'm never givin'

up, not givin' in # If there's the slightest chance

that I could win, # And get your lovin'

back the way it was before # Three 12s. Amazing, that's great. We

have changed history, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, boss! it for the original tape

I haven't always made Reduxes you know.

I haven't always made unp wanted baggage.

I haven't always made the US Embassy in

I haven't always made performance caused so much

uncertainty that the police confiscated my torch. I'm also the

uncertainty that the police inventor of a new sport called the

swivel Olympics. The current World Record is 48-and-a-half spins in

12 minutes until the grand finale everybody!

# We couldn't be more than friends # I'm still in love you know.

And it was here in 1981 - nine months after Bucks Fizz

that I first realised that people mimed on Top of the Pops.

The realisation that some elements of TV were artificial was initially

upsetting and confusing, but ultimately liberating.

Eight years after the Human League, I realised that these institutional

facades, even celebrity itself, could be skewered

In April 1989, platinum selling pop group five star made an infamous

appearance on Going Live. During a phone in with Sarah Green, a young

man called Eliot 's at them live on television. What is your question?

After their appearance on Going Live, everything went downhill for

five star. It peaked at a lowly number 53 and amid reports of

bankruptcy, the family were forced to move from Berkshire to

Hertfordshire. You cannot fall from grace much further than having to

move from dark shape to Hertfordshire.

No, I'm allowed to say that, I live there.

Eight months later, Romanian dictator Nicolau try just do was

making a televised speech in Bucharest. -- Nicolau try just goo.

A disturbance calls to him backtrack a disturbance calls

-- a disturbance caused him to abandon his speech. There was a

report that a young man called Leon started the chance saying and other

people joined in. He stood there on his balcony, frozen with

uncertainty. Even the official camera shook. Within a week, he was

dead. Leon, my theory is that you were

motivated to act after hearing about what happened to Five Star on Going

Live months earlier, is this true? Sorry if I've just blown your mind.

Here are some kittens. And we're back with the

Redux Project! TV is disappearing up its own arse,

but in an enjoyable One Star,

would it be cathartic for you to If we've failed to entertain you,

Elliot, it's not because we're crap - but because we

don't care, not about you. You're not part

of Five Star's core demographic, so while you may not like us,

the fact is, this doesn't matter. Neither I nor my siblings believe

you were genuinely curious as to why, in your consideration, we

were "so crap", but in case you're wondering Elliot, it's because pop

is a debased medium, structured and fed by the fickle sycophancy of the

young and intellectually inert. So Elliot Fletcher causing

a revolution in Romania was the first time I realised

the ability of the individual to And these individuals don't even

necessarily have to be human. Let's address the elephant

in the room. But one thing we must do - one very

important thing before we leave and that is to make sure our animals are

going to be as happy as we're. Well, our animals are going to be

happy in fact because they're going on holiday too. They're going

to spend it out in the country. And there she goes,

out of the studio! Ooh dear,

I've trodden right in it. Well, let's have a saying

about our animals. Well they say it's lucky, don't

they, and we're having a lucky Obviously, we weren't allowed

allowed a real elephant impressed by our real-time fully CGI

rendered animal body there. The Six O'Clock News from the BBC

With Sue Lawley Good evening, the headlines at 6

O'Clock. In the House of Lords a vote is

taking place now on a challenge We'll be going over to the

House of Lords for the result. And repairing the roads,

why the codes - cones - And I do apologise if you're hearing

rather a lot of noise I'm afraid that, um, we have rather

been invaded by some people, who we hope to be removing very

shortly. if you could possibly

ignore the background noise, we will bring you

the news as best we can. I also have an as yet unproven

theory that this same elephant, Lulu, vandalised the

Blue Peter Garden in November 1983. Possibly with Sweet Dreams are upset

about the failure of their follow-up single to chart three months

earlier. We hope to repair the damage but it is very sad to think

that a few people take such pleasure from harming their fellow human

beings and from hurting animals as well.

That's an interesting metaphor for what's happening to TVC, isn't it?

Why would Lulu have done this Mr Zookeeper?

Well, elephants are often painted with oil

to protect their skin from cracking in winter.

In the same way that 3D printers in every home promise to replace

centralised factories, I propose The Redux Project as a method to

A simple way for people to make their own versions of BBC clips.

The Redux app uses geolocation to alert you to when you are close to

the location where a BBC Click was shot. These clips are uploaded onto

the BBC server. There's no better way to learn how

to do something than by copying, and The Redux App can quickly

teach you how to use a camera for your important

role in the post-TV Centred I've recently been writing lyrics to

popular instrumental TV theme tunes, '60s to legally relieve the composer

out of half of his repeat fees. I am sure you will agree that shows

off my great vocal range. Here is a cheque for all the

Casualty back-royalties you're owed. Sorry for the delay in processing

this payment. Good evening and welcome to

Strictly Come Dancing, The Results! Now, some people have been tweeting

that they don't believe Richard's show is still actually live because

it's far too technically audacious. So to prove that it's not

pre-recorded we're going to end with the opening number from tonight's

Strictly results show that was just broadcast

on BBC One less than 90 minutes ago. MUSIC: King

by Years Years A big thank you to everyone that's

already downloaded and tested out the Redux App that we

launched earlier in the show. The switchboards have been inundated

with your remakes of old Our favourite

so far is this one, but if you could please stop

sending them in, they rather do seem to be

overloading our systems. Can everyone quickly

and quietly exit the studio, the muster point

is behind the drama block. No, not that quickly! Sorry about

this, ladies and gentlemen, we will have to evacuate studio one. I hope

this has been visible. We are going to have to leave now.

which means we'll no longer be able to bring you these Reduxes tonight

but we hope to see you again soon, in the meantime keep Reduxing,

the future of television is in your capable hands!

The hinterland between the edge of London and the M25 please!

Next up is Common Wealth, who make site-specific theatre.

This show would usually be performed in a boxing gym,

but we've turned the derelict Drama Block into one instead.

The show is called No Guts No Heart No Glory and was originally

commissioned and co-produced by Contact Manchester,

The show you are about to see is based on interviews with

young female Muslim boxers in Bradford, and performed by a cast

of five who were all new to theatre when the show was first made.

They have since gone on to tour across the UK and internationally.

Four of the original cast are performing tonight.

You, the viewers, are being joined here in the studio

by an audience from Morpeth School from Tower Hamlets in London.

This is a show that deals with strong emotions,

and there's some strong language in there as well.

Snap it out. Go. One more. Yes, yes. One more, go, go, go. Jab. Let's go.

One, two. Focus, everyone, focus. Mum, I'm

thinking of taking up a new sport. Something new. Something exciting.

I'm thinking of... Boxing. No, I won't get hurt. No I won't get hurt.

It's amateur boxing. And there are all smaller than me. OK, they're not

smaller than me but I'm a lightweight. I am not a lightweight.

It's a lightweight group, because we are all small. So, no-one really

gets hurt. OK, there might be some small injuries. Like a broken nose

or a splintered wrist. Nothing major. Nothing to worry about. I

live. When you look at the earth, it's just rock. But how these rocks

change over time, it captures our history, who we are and where we

come from. All that information and in the rock, they are not even

living things but they are solid. And they will always be there. If

nothing else will. We can learn about anything, anything at all. The

star, the moon, the sky, space, or underwater. We can look the a fish

and fossils, we can learn things, make things better. It's trying to

tell us, the Earth, it is seeing things, it's trying to tell us how

we change, be better. It wants us to listen. I'm listening. Whos is

listening to me. Yeah, I got on the bus and getting the bus. I wasn't

sure if I wanted to G the bus took the same route, down the same

street. The same street, street, the same people, fucking hell. Have I?

Have I been here? Have I been here before? The bus goes round and then

I'm back. Back to BG 3, where I live. This is where I live and this

is my street and this is my door. My door is white and my curtains are

black. Well, they are not black, just a bit - grey, because, well, my

mum, well, she just hasn't changed them in since like, forever. I'm

just sick of staring at those same old curtains and sometimes,

sometimes I just wish, I just wish she'd get some fucking new ones.

Mum, mum, get some fucking new curtains, will you? Do you know how

old these are? Do you know how long I've been staring at these same old,

same old curtains, oh my God. And they are polyester. Polyester! Let's

open the windows. Maybe. Open a bloody window. Will you go and open

it? Will you? Maybe I will. bloody window. Will you go and open

I'll do it myself. Jab, straut punch. ALL TALK AT ONCE Feet

shoulder width apart. One in front of the other.

ALL TALK AT ONCE Moving around. Using your feet. Use your head. It's

more like Using your feet. Use your head. It's

mine had to keep looking behind her Using your feet. Use your head. It's

back to make sure her Using your feet. Use your head. It's

wasn't following the taxi we were in because Because he wasn't supposed

to know she was out. And if he found out he would make her life shit.

Another close friend of mine had out he would make her life shit.

to her dad she was getting close to a guy friend. They chose to believe

the others and not her Another was kicked out of her house because

someone posted photos of her through the letterbox. Snoos that he That's

family. Everyone is watching you. Community, know everything about

you. Friends. A friend that works at the local shop where your mum gets

the grossries. Or the taxi driver that lives at the top of your road.

He goes - I know your dad. This and, that you know, I know your dad. So

He goes - I know your dad. This and, what you know my dad? We stay clear

of places around town. We watch where we eat, where we meet. We

watch where he hang out. where we eat, where we meet. We

we've evolved into this, into this being, like this collective

consciousness of beings that react We talk, we wear what we want. We

eat how we likes when we want, how we want! We watch. We watch

everything we do and we can do It we can do it better, faster and

stronger. It is not like we are even can do it better, faster and

doing anything wrong. Sometimes we are just being ourselves And you

talk behind our backs, you talk down at us. We can't even speak. We can't

speak truth. Who's truth? Mine, yours, theirs? I get confused How

can we be truthful if we are yours, theirs? I get confused How

How can we be honest if you can't see our minds? How can we be

truthful if we have to hide out of shame. Get in your car after a night

out. It is not true. Watching your back because you think someone might

be following you. Someone might be following you, trying to catch you

out. Trying to watch you being used so they can report back, report back

home, tell your mum, tell your dad that you have been up to no good,

you have been sneaking around having a good time Having a good time. Yeah

had a good time. I had a bloody good time. It's a night out. It's just A

night. Fwrends. Don't discuss it. I was with the girls. With the girls

My girls. I'm having a good time with my girls. I'm in the going to

hide from you. Did I tell you about the good time I had? What will her

parents think? I don't know, I had a good time will her dad say I don't

care I'll tell her dad. Go on Tell my dad. My dad doesn't care and mum

doesn't mind. What has it to do with you Make her feel insignificant? Who

do you think you are. Who do they think they are? Is that a new car.

Who do they think they are? Shame on your family. Did you see the car?

Are they new carpets. Shame How often do you pray? Why don't you

care a headscarf? Did you cut your toenails today. Tell you what...

Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll put on my shoes, tracky bottoms and hooded

top and I won't mind. At 6.00am I'll go for a jog, a run, I'll mean t

harder than I have ever meant anything before because... It means

more to me. When I'm a fighter, I'm fit and no-one can touch me. Yes,

I'm in my gym kit. This is what I have to wear. Is it embarrassing

you? Are you embarrassed? Am I? Embarsing you? Well, I'm in the

embarrassed. I'm just being me. My mum doesn't mind. My dad doesn't

care. They are cool with it. Why why aren't you? Who are you anyway? Who

cares what you say? Talking behind your windscreen, behind my back,

telling people I'm no good. I'm good. I'm bloody good. I'm the best

and I can be. I can be better. I'll show you. I'm here. Aren't I? Still

here. Standing. Well, come on then. What have you got? What have you

got? The aggression in bags. You can hit him if you want. Get some power

behind the shocks. Get the kicks into it. Come on, get a little bit

busy girls. You are not busy enough. That's it. Girls, you have got to

remember to keep the hands up. That bag is not hitting you back. Don't

drop them. And time. HEAVY BREATHING

I love my mum. And I love my dad. I want them to be happy. I'm happy

because they are happy. That's it. I've met someone. Mum says I should

meet someone. He is not that old. He's got a good job, they say. His

mum is nice. His dad's nice, too. And it'll be fun. We'll do stick

dancing and henna the night before party. My cousin also come and my

grandmother from Pakistan. She's old but she'll come. And - then what?

We'll go away. And stay somewhere nice. Together. Husband and wife.

And I'll do things. He'll work and I'll be just like doing other

things. I've met the guy. I have seen him. He's all right. My dad

knows. My mum knows, too. I know. It's the right thing to do. He's

into engineering. No, I'm not going to miss university. No, I'm not

going to miss making music. No, I'm not good, not that good, how could I

be? I failed physics. I didn't pass my other exams. They said I was

good. It's a waste of time anyway. It's a waste because I've got other

commitments, dad says. He says there are other things out there. More

important things. He says I'll understand. It'll be worth it. And I

do understand. Who needs science anyway? I don't. I'm getting

married. There's going to be a wedding. Bright lights, big music

and all the girls will be there. We'll sing. There's always singing

and colours and food. Lots of food. I love food. I love my mum. I love

my dad, too. You'll see. We just want to be. Gentleman feel

something. We just want to. Live a little. We just want to. Get out a

bi. See the world Ask some questions. Do you know what I mean.

We can't stay here We are 16. We spend our own money. We can discover

you cities, explore new people, make new connections. We want to get out

and see the world inr. Open doors and see what is there.

and see the world inr. Open doors anything. We want to... Breathe. Why

can't we? We get it. We want to be understood. Otherwise, it is not

right, is it? Who are we anyway? Not how we should be. We are sick of it

being ignored Being indoors. There are rules but... We want to do well

in our studies so we can get out. We don't want to do boring 9-5. 12450

we don't want to be cruel. We want to be ourselves. We don't want to

settle We want to be free. We could be boxers. Girl boxers. Get our

anger out, get our aggression out. Learn something, be somebody.

more. You are doing. You are thinking. It is not like ballet or

karate. Or when you wanted to be a doctor. This is real. It

karate. Or when you wanted to be a as you can get. You are brave,

you're excited, you want to leave your room, you want to go down the

street and however one, you are a fighter. You are smart, use your

brain as well as your fists. You duck and you punch and then you are

wondering, what will she do next? Will she go left or right? Is she

backing out? Is she backing out? Will she go left or right? Is she

can smell the fear. She is backing out. She is backing out! You get one

right square in the jaw. It hurts, it hurts, you pitch.

right square in the jaw. It hurts, you scream. She looks scared, she

looks terrified. You can see she is sweating. Spit hanging from her

mouth guard. It is disgusting. She blocks it. You go again, you go

again. She has fallen to the floor and she's just laying there and you

are thinking, what on earth has happened to you? And then the bell

goes and you feel sorry for her, for a minute. RU OK? You say. Then you

realise you have still got your gumshield in and she cannot

understand you. You take it out and help her up. Are you all right? You

hug it out. For a minute, you did not know your own strength. For a

minute you could have hurt someone. You think about it, you all right, I

am all right. You can take it, I can take it. Today I saw someone

fighting for what they believed in and it made me see.

Rushes from my chest into my arms. My face gets hot. My legs are

shaking. It's starting. I try to calm down. Hold her! They are

kicking still, just going mad. I want to scream as well but I don't.

I don't say a word. Get it together. I'm strong. Watch. You can't hurt

me. Kick me, punch me, go on, swear! You can't do nothing. This isn't a

real fight. There is a much bigger fight, something really worth

fighting for out there in the real world, and you, in the playground,

in the playground on my street! Kicking, punching, screaming,

swearing! What are you going to do? Identity of a fuck about you! -- I

don't give a fuck about you! Do you know what is going on? Have

you seen it on TV? Have you heard it on the news? In Gaza?

People are actually dying. Children are dying. On the streets, on

beaches, in front of our eyes, lying on the streets after explosions,

invasions. Occupations. It is our generation which is supposed to be

changing. Then why is there no one stepping up? Why is no one helping?

People should know what is going on out there. We have all got reasons

to be here. We are lucky. Girls out there running for their lives.

Overcome your challenges. They are overcoming challenges every single

day. But then you missed the point. Just missed the point sometimes. It

is hard when you don't have someone loving you, supporting you, holding

your hand. It is hard when you don't have someone who believes in you.

Even if you are not together all of the time and you cannot see them,

but you can feel they are there. It matters. It carries you. You feel

lighter. A weight off your shoulders. And you don't need to

look behind you all watch your back. You don't need to hide or steal. You

don't even need to borrow because this time is yours. You can do what

you like with it. You can make it your own and you can be free. You

don't owe anyone and no one knows you. But you are not worried any

more. It is dealt with now and your calm and your cool, and you just get

it. You're in control. You are in charge and... It is OK. It is

located just be. And I am not going to apologise. I'm going to crowd

surf now. Can you gather round? I need people to catch me.

I came here and I thought to myself, what do I want? What do I really

want? What do I need. But then I thought about it, I decided, you are

16 for fuck's fake. Take your time. Take your time. People will get it,

they will understand. Ayr I'm not going to make it up for fuck's

fake. It is my life. You will work it out. People are listening now.

Your parents understand. Understanding is important.

Your parents understand. find someone. When you are ready. In

my own time and my own space. Now it is like, I want my daughter to be

like you. Thanks, Andy, that means a lot. Thank you. And really, if you

really, really think about it, I am free. Free to be. Free to be me.

Girls! Like your life depends on it, as if there is no tomorrow. There is

no tomorrow. Tomorrow is today. It is happening now, before your eyes.

Does depend on it, your life. It does. Every time you do something.

Every time you throw a punch. Every time you go to school. This is it

now. This one punch could end it. It all. This could change your life.

You want your life life changing. The future. You want to be

ambitious. Your future, your life. The future. You want to be

The future is today. Never be ashamed, never give up. Never let

anyone tell you you are not good enough. Because you are already good

enough. You already are. Don't change that. Feel your arms, feel

your legs. Feel your face. It is going to be hard, it is going to be

very hard. It matters, it is important. You think, am I going to

get through this? And am I going to make it? You are. Don't be afraid

because you are not giving up. Don't give up. Be brave, beyond fire.

You're thinking, feeling. Now you're feeling. That feels good. Person

hears you, believes in you. It makes the world a difference to live in.

It all makes sense now. You want to live now. You want to live. Now,

let's go, let's go now. live now. You want to live. Now,

happening. Here today. Here live now. You want to live. Now,

now. We are doing it our way in our time. Like us, breathe and B. Like

us. I am exhausted. I am tired. It hurts. My arms and my legs. I

us. I am exhausted. I am tired. It I might cry. Work harder. Try

harder. Harder than before, harder. It means... Never give up.

harder. Harder than before, harder. important. Now someone is listening.

Someone is there. important. Now someone is listening.

me. Like people, like ours. important. Now someone is listening.

like us. People like us who just... Just like... Just like me. No guts,

no heart. Sir Ayr no heart, no glory. No guts, no heart, no glory.

And how do you feel when you box? When I box I feel free like I can do

CHEERING APPLAUSE

If you've just joined us, we're in the BBC's former TV factory,

Television Centre, for an evening of live

theatre by some of today's most inventive theatre makers.

Tonight has been produced by Battersea Arts Centre,

which encourages independent theatre makers to test out new ideas.

In theatreland the process is called scratch, and aims to get

feedback from the audience, normally just sat in the theatre.

But tonight from all of you watching,

from wherever you are, and we would love to hear you.

Here's the hashtags and Twitter handles.

So we've moved deeper into the historic Television Studios.

We're heading for the old prop store.

It's from here we're going to watch the final performance tonight

and thanks to a commission from Unlimited, a funding programme

for disabled artists, she took her theatre show

Backstage in Biscuit Land to the Edinburgh Fringe where it was a hit

So here's Broadcast from Biscuit Land.

with potentially strong language from the start.

Hi, I'm Jess. I'm a writer, artist and part time superhero.

I also have Tourette's Syndrome, which means I make movements

and noises I can't control called tics.

Chopin doesn't say biscuit very much, or bite her own arm

She's here to help me out when I need it,

and she's going to do her very best to keep us both on track.

Welcome to our broadcast from Biscuit Land!

So, I've been asked to close tonight's celebration of live

theatre from Television Centre with an all singing, all dancing,

And for that to make even a bit of sense,

When I'm not showing people round Biscuit Land or

I love you lampposts. Get a job ramp posts. Get a solar panel, lampposts.

OK let's not get distracted by lampposts.

I work full time at Children's play project in London.

I live in a converted pub in Peckham affectionately known as The Castle.

And rumour has it Engelbert Humperdinck used to

There are three things you need to know straight away.

Biscuits. I love cats. Not one of them. Biscuits. I hate cats.

Biscuits. Firstly you are going to hear biscuit and cats a lot in the

next half hour. Secondly, if I say something funny

you're absolutely allowed to laugh. In fact I'll be a bit offended

if you don't! Finally, several times a day my tics

intensify to a point where I completely lose control of my body

and speech. look seizure-like

and need similar management. If Jess has a fit during the show

she'll go off set As an acrobatic dinosaur. Best of

luck with that. We don't have the costume.

You'll know something's gone wrong because you'll see this...

neurologically incapable of staying on script.

So a lot of Biscuit, hedgehog, biscuit. what

While spontaneity's great for live theatre,

it tends to make TV people very nervous.

the risk assessment for our grand finale went a bit off track.

Biscuit, hedgehog, biscuit. Thanks for doing this. It won't take long.

In fact we don't have long but everyone always says no to anything

here? Will there be any use of dust? Dung re's fart. Will anyone be

falling? Willows will fall in the woods but no-one will hear them

screen. If anyone would fall, what on to? Poisoned arrows. Lasers. No

lasers. Battery acid. Any use thereof of the No batteries, except

the Darrel he can. There is a Darrel he can? No, yes, it is very

dangerous. Biscuit. It has a sports bra. Biscuit. We have looked it it,

it is fine. It is a pretend Darlek I love cats, Alan. Can we move on to

balloons? Bang. If I can ask to you sign off there. OK. No. I love T we

have never considered a pen one of the hazardous objects before. Fuck

it. Biscuit. While Tourette's is the only

superpower I'll ever need, it's also one of the most

frequently misunderstood but most of what they know is

based on myths and stereotypes. Let's get some of these

out of the way now. In fact only 10% of people with

Tourette's have obscene tics. I am one of them,

but even so, I'm as likely to shout about domestic appliances,

dinosaurs or B-list celebrities, It's estimated to

affect 300,000 people in the UK. Biscuit. And eight penguins. Not

strictly true. But it's on a spectrum so it affects

each person differently. Some people's tics are barely

noticeable, like mine! While others behave in a way that

makes them stand out. It isn't simply

"saying what's on your mind." I don't think about biscuits

nearly as much as I talk about them. It's a neurological condition not

a mental health disorder bad parenting,

nervousness or demonic possession. occasionally obscene verbal

ejaculations and gestures. There may a be witty, innovatory,

phantasmagoric picture, with mimicry, antics,

and playfulness." As a child they were much less

noticeable. The earliest thing

I can identify was a simple squeak. The observant amongst you will've

noticed two types of tic: vocal, involuntary noises,

and motor, involuntary movements. Tics will feel slightly different to

each person with Tourette's. Mine create a whole

range of sensations. Like a moose massaging a pea. Not

exactly like that. Hedgehog, biscuit. I remember a lovely

conversation with a child at work. We were sitting in the garden

near the pond. patches of sunlight made their way

through the leaves. Together we were

looking at the water, discussing what might

live beneath the surface. I'd explained Tourette's to

her before, so I asked what her body did

all the time without her noticing. She couldn't think of anything

so I pointed out how she blinked. She laughed and said,

"If I don't blink it hurts! I said, "That's a bit like how

it feels for me She suggested we had a

"no blinking competition", carefully pointing out that

biscuits were OK. We sat on the grass next to the pond

and stared at each other. By my early Biscuit. twenties,

my tics had become harder to ignore. Other people didn't mention it

though, and I found it difficult to

talk about without tears. But five years ago

they increased to the point where I had to move home and start using

a wheelchair just to stay safe. And when my "fits" became

an everyday reality I realised it was time to stop ignoring my tics,

and turn my problem into my power. Because I can have a fit any time,

including when I'm asleep, a different support worker stays

with me every night. There are a lot of toothbrushes

in my bathroom! This idea took root and transformed

how I thought about my life. The first time he supported me

I had a fit in the bathroom. Because my head was

next to the toilet I love you, u-bend, I hate you

u-bend. You don't have to take that shit, u-bend. Hedgehog, oh,

lactating. Not a breast pump. I could tell from how

much this made him I'm a backwards Darlek. At least

that's appropriate. Bloody breast pump Biscuit, hedgehog.

If I have a fit on her watch she gets into bed

She's the first person I spoke to about Tourette's in detail.

thinks she's won a prize every time she hears my emergency buzzer.

She's my real sister but she's not really fat.

That's a ticced name that stuck years ago when she was on a diet.

I'm particularly fond of Fat Sister's laidback,

occasionally haphazard, approach to my care.

She says because she's my sister she's not bound by the usual

conventions of good support work practice.

She's the first other person with Tourette's I ever met.

Meeting Ruth made me much more accepting of myself.

I realised I'd never expect her to hold her tics in

But none of this support would be possible without

That's the NHS, my Disability Living Allowance, Access to Work

Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness,

it's a sign of openness and knowing what I need.

Talking of need Chopin, I need a wee!

Er, you do know this is live, don't you?

Hedgehog. Cats. Be bloody kick, OK. I always leave it to late. There is

somebody in there. I really need to go Who is in the accessible toilet

today. Sharon Stone. Nicholas hind Hurst. Aladdin.

# I can show you the world# Fore Amos. The whole of a marching

band. The semen of a antelope. Let's in the talk about semen again. David

Cameron. Definitely not. Come on, come on. Oh, hello. Oh, sorry, there

was no-one in there, so I thought it was all right to go in. Very

accessible in there. I have seen a lot of accessible toilets. This is

one of the most accessible I have been N don't go in there for a

couple of minutes. It wasn't me, it was the previous person. All right

see, see you, bye. Oh, please, not you as well. Yikes!

Weird. Why does everyone think it is OK to use the accessible toilet. I'm

afraid there is someone in there. Exterminate, exterminate.

Exterminate. Evacuate. Yes, that's right,

she just said "piss". But we did a warning

before the programme We're allowed seven "wankers,"

two "bastards" and a "shit". Jess, Jess, can I come in? You

didn't mention at any point about getting a Darlek, did you? Bloody

hell, that was strange. OK. Get into your monologue

position. I'm going to talk about an

experience at the theatre from 2011. I'd heard Mark Thomas was

doing a show called Extreme Rambling

at the Tricycle Theatre in London. Loads of friends had talked about it

so I was really keen to see it. At that point I hadn't been to the

theatre for several years. I'd had some upsetting conversations

about my right to see stuff over other people's right not

to be interrupted. But it felt right to see

Extreme Rambling because it was about something I was interested

in - Mark Thomas walking the Loads of thought

and planning went into our trip. I got in touch with Mark by email,

I spoke to the theatre, and I went with two people I know

very well, Leftwing Idiot and Poppy. so he had a chance to see

what my tics were like. I was still walking at the time

but was very wobbly and needed help. At the start of the show Mark

introduced me and let the audience know I'd

be making noise. The first half was fantastic

and completely absorbing. Then in the interval the Biscuit.

front of house manager came and "We've had some complaints

about the noises you've been making and people are threatening not

to come back unless you move, so you know, would you move to the sound

booth at the side of the stage?" He was careful to point out

I didn't have to, but at that point I felt if people are complaining

about me they don't want I knew I wouldn't be able to

concentrate because I'd know I was unwelcome

and being judged. My only option, having had that

conversation, was to move. So Poppy, Leftwing Idiot

and I got up. We were taken backstage through a

narrow corridor to the sound booth. Mark was getting ready to do

the second half and was clearly uncomfortable with

what was happening. Because it was visible

from the stalls it had slatted blinds like the type you

get in offices. I could see Leftwing Idiot was

really tense. We'd paid for the tickets

and the view well we couldn't really see

what was happening. We were surrounded by equipment

and I thought, 'Oh God, I could really muck things

up if I press anything!' The sound technician, who must've

seen the show 100 times, She moved up and we sat

on an assortment of computer chairs. We were watching something

about segregation, about separation, and I wasn't welcome to watch it

with other people. The show started again and I sobbed.

I absolutely sobbed. I couldn't concentrate on what

Mark was saying because I felt utterly, utterly

humiliated, embarrassed and alone. I wanted to leave straight away

and never come back. It felt like an experience

I could not or should not access It didn't just

speak about the theatre - it was about everything, like,

"You don't have the right to be in public space

in the same way as anyone else - your experiences can only happen if

they don't impact on other people." Later that evening

I looked on Twitter, and I found a really nasty

Tweet by a woman who'd been there. "Went to political comedy thing

tonight, might have learnt something but for Tourette's person shouting,

Fuck you, Merry Christmas." Jess, look what's turned

up in our dressing room! It's a giant

biscuit for our grand finale! Oh yeah,

we'd better start getting ready. Hello, biscuits. I guess we have

done the bit about the... Bears? We like bears. Allen during? We have

done the cantilever bridge mass debating scene? The horrible Tory

government? Salad dressing? That is always nice to get a shout out to

salad dressing. I love peas. We have done the cantilever bridge scene?

The milk of magnesia Yassin? We have done the toothbrush seen for

definite. We have just grown a whole forest. That is nice. The thought

police forest. That is nice. The thought

better than a sandy dog. Why? Because it is edible. You know

Fred? Yes. I love him. How long has it been going on with Fred? Nine

days and four weeks. Let's not bring my mum into this. Mummy's tips. We

have not mentioned how we first met. You should go and get ready. I will

see you out there. Biscuit! A few years ago I was in an X-rated

version of Beauty the Beast at the Young Vic

theatre in London. Towards the end of the run

we had a relaxed performance. "Especially for audience members who

find it difficult to observe the regular rules of theatre

etiquette, those with a learning difficulty, Autism

or for people who may make noises." This was the show Jess

and Leftwing Idiot came to see. I knew Jess was coming

but this was before I'd met her. As we waited in the wings

we could hear her tics; During the show I remember hearing

"duck egg" There's a bit where Beast is lying,

possibly dead, on the floor and the two puppeteers -

myself and Jonny - are looking at each other, it's a

very tender, suspended moment. Then Jess tics

"Keith Chegwin is dead!" I just looked dead. This is so

surreal! Afterwards we all agreed it was

probably one of the best performances we'd done because we

had to really listen to each other. And the whole audience was having

a totally different experience too. If they found something funny

they really laughed, and we got all this clapping and cheering

in places we'd never had it before. After the show I met Jess

and Leftwing Idiot for a drink. While we were getting to know

each other a woman made a beeline for Jess and said, "I have

to thank you, I have to thank you. Throughout the show you were saying

'Alan'." She said a few years back she'd

fallen in love with a man called Alan and shortly afterwards

he was diagnosed with terminal cancer

and he didn't live much longer. This was the love of her life,

in later life, and that night she'd come

out to the theatre to see a story about love, and all the

while Jess was saying, "Alan, Alan". And to her it was almost as

if he was there, giving her permission to go out

and fall in love again. It was such a profound and beautiful

thing she shared with us - and in stark contrast to the reactions

you might expect of an audience. It was a demonstration

of the unexpected things that can come from a performance where

everyone's welcome. Hello, my friends,

this is it, we've made it. Welcome to the grand finale,

our big ending, the crescendo! and hold tight as we go fast and

loose into the mind of a mongoose. I'm Touretteshero, the world's first

fully-fledged Tourette's superhero. And these guys?

They're Jonny and the Baptists. I love snowflakes on the back

of your hands, I love info-graphics,

I love diagrams, I love fiends, I love, bears,

I love Alan in socks, Shape-shifting robots, I love

scattered stars! It's almost sickening how much

she loves... So we know what you love,

you love cats. That's easy Jonny,

cats love biscuits! Bring on the biscuits, bring on the

biscuits, bring on the biscuits! Bring on the biscuits, bring on the

biscuits, bring on the biscuits now! Bring on the biscuits, bring on the

biscuits, bring on the biscuits! Bring on the biscuits, bring on the

biscuits, bring on the biscuits now! Bring on the biscuits,

bring on the biscuits, Bring on the biscuits, bring on the

biscuits, bring on the biscuits now! That's it my friends.

We're out of time. I hope you've enjoyed being

in Biscuit Land as much but if this show has one take

home message it's... Love cats more than you love

doorways! Never think about courage in a different universe. Art should

be invested in with every fibre of your energy beam.

We love Fountain pens in different hues!

CHEERING This has been On Stage: Live

from Television Centre - I hope you had as much fun as I did,

watching Gecko, Richard DeDedomenici, Common

Wealth and Touretteshero. You can catch all of these

artists live on tour. meet some of the actors

from Islington Community Theatre. They made a show here

at Television Centre earlier called Brainstorm, and so if you've enjoyed

this evening go straight to It's a group of teenagers

exploring exactly what it's like inside an adolescent

brain. From all of us here

at Television Centre - good night.