A Midsummer Night's Dream

CROWD CHANT: Theseus! Theseus!

Now, fair Hippolyta.

SQUEAKING

SQUEAKING

SQUEAKING

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

Our nuptial hour

Draws on apace. Four happy days bring in

Another moon, But, O, methinks, how slow

This old moon wanes.

Four days will quickly steep themselves in night,

Four nights will quickly dream away the time,

And then the moon, like to a silver bow

New-bent in heaven, shall behold the night

Of our solemnities.

Hippolyta...

I woo'd thee with my sword,

And won thy love, doing thee injuries...

TROLLEY RATTLES

GUNS CLICK

But I will wed thee in another key,

With pomp, with triumph and with revelling.

Happy be Theseus, our renowned Duke!

Thanks, good Egeus, What's the news with thee?

Full of vexation come I, with complaint

Against my child, my daughter Hermia.

Stand forth, Demetrius. My noble lord,

This man hath my consent to marry her.

Stand forth, Lysander,

And, my gracious Duke,

This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child.

He hath by moonlight at her window sung

With feigning voice verses of feigning love.

# Tomorrow is St Valentine's Day

# All in the morning betime

# And I a maid at your window

# To be your valentine. #

With cunning hast thou filch'd my daughter's heart,

Turn'd her obedience, which is due to me,

To stubborn harshness. So, my gracious Duke,

I beg the ancient privilege of Athens.

As she is mine, I may dispose of her,

Which shall be either to this gentleman

Or to her death!

What say you, Hermia?

Be advised, fair maid,

To you your father should be as a god.

-Demetrius is a worthy gentleman...

-So is Lysander!

SHE CLEARS THROAT

I do entreat your grace to pardon me.

I know not by what power I am made bold,

But I beseech your grace that I may know

The worst that may befall me in this case

If I refuse to wed Demetrius.

To die the death.

Relent, sweet Hermia,

and, Lysander, yield

Thy crazed title to my certain right.

You have her father's love, Demetrius,

Let me have Hermia's. Do you marry him!

HE CHUCKLES

For you, fair Hermia, look you arm yourself

To fit your fancies to your father's will,

Or else the law of Athens yields you up.

To death!

Ay me! For aught that I could ever read,

The course of true love never did run smooth.

Hear me, Hermia!

I have a widow aunt, a dowager,

Of great revenue, and she hath no child.

From Athens is her house remote seven leagues,

And she respects me as her only son.

There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee,

And to that place the sharp Athenian law

Cannot pursue us.

If thou lovest me, then

Steal forth thy father's house later tonight,

And in the wood, two leagues without the town

There will I stay for thee.

My good Lysander,

Come midnight truly will I meet with thee.

Keep promise, love. Oh, look - here comes Helena.

God speed, fair Helena! Whither away?

Call you me fair?

That "fair" again unsay.

Demetrius loves your fair. O happy fair!

Sickness is catching.

O, were favour so,

Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go.

My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye,

My tongue should catch your tongue's sweet melody.

O, teach me how you look, and with what art

You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart.

I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!

The more I hate, the more he follows me.

The more I love, the more he hateth me.

His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine.

None but your beauty.

Would that fault were mine!

Take comfort. He no more shall see my face.

Lysander and myself will fly this place.

Helen, to you our minds we will reveal.

Through Athens' gates have we devised to steal.

And thence from Athens turn away our eyes

To seek new friends and stranger companies.

Farewell, sweet playfellow.

Pray thou for us,

And good luck grant thee thy Demetrius.

Keep word, Lysander. We must starve our sight

From lovers' food till later, deep midnight.

I will, my Hermia.

Helena, adieu!

As you on him, Demetrius dote on you.

"As you on him, Demetrius dote on you."

Through Athens I am thought as fair as she!

But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

For ere Demetrius looked on Hermia's eyne

He hailed down oaths that he was only mine.

I will go tell him of fair Hermia's flight!

Then to the wood will he this very night

Pursue her, and for this intelligence

If I have thanks it is a dear expense.

But herein mean I to enrich my pain,

To have his sight thither, and back again.

THESEUS: Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity

In least speak most, to my capacity.

-ALL:

-Bottom!

Good evening!

God you good even, William!

Good even and twenty, good Master Page!

Mistress, what cheer!

Fix thy resolution!

Help from Athens calls!

Trust me, now,

Out of this silence yet I picked a welcome,

And in the modesty... THEY BOO

YOU'VE BEEN FRAMED THEME TUNE

CHEERING

Is all our company here?

You were best to call them generally, man by man,

according to the script.

Here is the scroll of every man's name,

which is thought fit, through all Athens,

to play in our interlude before the Duke and Duchess on his

wedding day at night.

Our play is the most

lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus

and Thisbe.

-Now! Answer as I call you.

-I don't know that one.

Nick Bottom, the weaver?

Ready!

You, Nick Bottom, are set down for Pyramus.

What is Pyramus? A lover or a tyrant?

A lover that kills himself, most gallant, for love.

That will ask some tears in the true performing of it.

If I do it, let the audience look to their eyes!

Yeah, yeah - I shall move storms.

I will condole, in some measure.

Oh, oh... To the rest.

Francis Flute, you...

Yet my chief humour is for a tyrant.

I could play Ercles rarely, or a part to tear a cat in,

to make all split -

"The raging rocks And

"shivering shocks

"Shall break the locks

"Of prison gates."

LAUGHTER

-I-I...

-"And Phibbus' car

"Shall shine from far

"And make and mar The

"foolish Fates."

CHEERING

This was lofty!

Yeah, now name the rest of the players.

Francis Flute, the bellows-mender?

Here, Mistress Quince.

Flute, you must take Thisbe on you.

What is Thisbe? A wandering knight?

It is the lady that Pyramus must love.

LAUGHTER

To thine own self be true.

You're a good man.

Oh, oh, an I may hide my face, let me play Thisbe too.

I'll speak in a monstrous little voice,

HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: "Ah, Pyramus, my lover dear."

-DEEPER VOICE:

-"My Thisbe dear!"

"I am a lady, dear."

No, you must play Pyramus, and, Flute, you Thisbe.

Well, proceed.

Robin Starveling, the tailor?

Tom Snout, the tinker?

BOTH: Here, Mistress Quince.

Robin Starveling, you must play Thisbe's mother.

Tom Snout, Pyramus' father.

Myself, Pyramus' mother. And, er...

..Snug, you join us, you the lion's part.

And here I hope is a play fitted.

Have you the lion's part written?

Pray you, if it be, give it me.

For I am slow of study.

Oh, you may do it Extempal for it is nothing but roaring.

Oh!

Let me play the lion too!

I will roar that I will do any man's heart good to hear me.

I will roar that I will make the Duke say,

SCOTTISH ACCENT: "Let him roar again, let him roar again!"

An you should do it too terribly you would fright

the Duchess and the ladies that they would shriek!

An that were enough to slay us all.

That would slay us.

Yeah, every mother's son.

No, I will aggravate my voice

so that I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove.

Yeah, yeah - I will roar you an 'twere any nightingale.

Listen to this. Listen to this.

QUIETLY: Roar.

LAUGHTER

See, told you!

You must play no part but Pyramus!

Yeah, well, I will undertake it, yeah.

Oh - what beard were I best to play it in?

Why, what you will.

I will discharge it in either your straw-colour beard,

your orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain beard,

or your French-crown-colour beard, your perfect yellow.

Some of your French crowns have no hair at all.

And then you will play it barefaced!

SHE LAUGHS

But, masters, here are your parts,

and I entreat you,

request you, desire you, to con them

and meet me in the palace wood a mile without the town by moonlight.

There will we rehearse,

for if we meet in the city we will be dogged with company,

and our devices known.

I pray you, fail me not.

At the Duke's Oak we meet!

We will, and there we may rehearse most obscenely and courageously.

-Take pains, be perfect. Adieu! ALL:

-Adieu!

-Adieu. Adieu.

-Adieu.

-Adieu.

-Adieu.

-Shut the door.

SHE PANTS

SHE SCREAMS

SHE SCREAMS

SNARLING

SHE SHRIEKS

Cobweb.

THEY SNARL

Never harm, nor spell, nor charm, Come our lovely lady nigh.

THEY SCREAM

Never harm, nor spell, nor charm, Come our lovely lady nigh.

Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania!

SHE CHUCKLES

My jealous Oberon!

Fairies, skip hence.

I have forsworn his bed and company.

Tarry, rash wanton! Am not I thy lord?

Oh, then I must be thy lady!

THEY LAUGH

But I know

When thou hast stolen away from Fairyland

And in the shape of Corin sat all day

Playing on pipes of corn, and versing love

To amorous Phillida.

How canst thou thus, for shame, Titania,

Glance at my credit with fair Phillida,

Knowing I know thy love to Hippolyta?

These are the forgeries of jealousy!

The bouncing Amazon!

Your buskinned mistress and your warrior love to Theseus

must be wedded!

And now with thy brawls thou hast disturbed our sport.

Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,

As in revenge have sucked up from the sea

Contagious fogs which, falling on the land,

Hath every pelting river made so proud

That they have overborne their continents.

Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,

Pale in her anger, washes all the air,

That rheumatic diseases do abound.

And through this distemperature, we see

The seasons alter - the spring, the summer,

The childing autumn, angry winter, change

Their wonted liveries, and the mazed world

By their increase now knows not which is which.

And this same progeny of evils

Comes from our debate, from our dissension.

We are their parents and original.

The King doth keep his revels here tonight.

Take heed, and you might join him in this sight.

Either I mistake your shape and making quite,

Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Goodfellow.

Are not you he?

Thou speakest aright.

I am that merry wanderer of the night.

I jest to Oberon and make him smile.

Your Oberon is passing fell and wrath!

Do you amend it, then.

It lies in you.

Why should Titania cross her Oberon?

How long within this wood intend you stay?

Perchance till after Theseus' wedding day.

RUMBLING THUD

Give me your hand and I will go with thee.

Not for all thy fairy kingdom!

SHE LAUGHS

FAIRIES HISS AND SNARL

Fairies, away!

We shall chide downright if I longer stay!

Well, go thy way!

Thou shalt not from this grove

Till I torment thee for this injury!

My gentle Puck, come hither.

Thou rememberest

Since once I sat upon a promontory

And heard a mermaid on a dolphin's back

Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath

That the rude sea grew civil at her song?

I remember.

That very time I saw - but thou couldst not -

Flying between the cold moon and the Earth

Cupid all arm'd.

A certain aim he took,

And marked I where the bolt of Cupid fell.

It fell upon a little western flower,

Before, milk-white, now purple with love's wound.

The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid

Will make or man or woman madly dote

Upon the next live creature that it sees.

PUCK CHUCKLES

I'll watch Titania when she is asleep,

And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.

The next thing then she, waking, looks upon -

Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull,

On meddling monkey or on busy ape -

She shall pursue it with the soul of love.

PUCK CHUCKLES

Fetch me this herb, and be thou here again

Ere the leviathan can swim a league.

I'll put a girdle round about the Earth...

..in forty minutes!

But who comes here?

I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.

Where is Lysander and fair Hermia?

The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me.

Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more!

You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant!

But yet you draw not iron, for my heart

Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw,

And I shall have no power to follow you.

Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair?

Or rather do I not in plainest truth

Tell you I do not nor I cannot love you?

And even for that do I love you the more!

But I am sick when I do look on thee!

And I am sick when I look not on you!

I will not stay thy questions. Let me go.

Or if thou follow me, do not believe

But I shall do thee mischief in the wood.

Aye - in the temple, in the town, the field,

You do me mischief.

Fie, Demetrius!

I'll follow thee, and make a heaven of hell!

Ohh!

Oh, sorry.

The dove pursues the griffin!

The mild hind makes speed to catch the tiger!

Fare thee well, nymph.

I pray thee, give it me.

I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,

Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,

Quite overcanopied with luscious woodbine,

With sweet muskroses and with eglantine.

There sleeps Titania some time of the night.

Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight.

And there the snake throws her enamelled skin,

Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in.

FAIRIES SNARL

FAIRIES CHOKE

FAIRIES SCREAM

TITANIA MURMURS IN SLEEP

What thou seest when thou dost wake,

Do it for thy true love take.

TWIG SNAPS

Take thou some of it, and seek thou through this grove.

A sweet Athenian lady is in love

With a disdainful youth - anoint his eyes,

But do it when the next thing he espies

May be the lady. Thou shalt know the man

By the Athenian garments he hath on.

Effect it with some care, that he may prove

More fond on her than she upon her love.

And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow.

Fear not, my lord, your servant shall do so.

When thou wakest, it is thy dear.

Wake when some vile thing is near.

Fair love, I faint with wandering in the wood,

And to speak truth, I have forgot our way.

Ahh! Be it so, Lysander! Find you out a bed,

For I upon this bank will rest my head.

One turf shall serve as pillow for us both,

One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one troth.

Two bosoms interchained with an oath,

So then two bosoms and a single troth.

Lysander riddles very prettily.

Lie further off yet,

Do not lie so near!

Amen, amen, to that fair prayer say I,

And then end life when I end loyalty.

Night and silence, who is here?

Weeds of Athens he doth wear.

Here is my bed - sleep give thee all his rest.

With half that wish, the wisher's eyes be pressed.

Churl, upon thy eyes I throw

All the power this charm doth owe.

Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius!

I charge thee, hence - and do not haunt me thus.

O, wilt thou, darling, leave me? Do not so!

Stay, on thy peril. I alone will go.

O, I am out of breath in this fond chase.

The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.

Happy is Hermia, wheresoe'er she lies,

For she hath blessed and attractive eyes.

How came her eyes so bright? Well, not with salt tears -

If so, mine are oftener washed than hers.

No, no - I am as ugly as a bear,

For beasts that meet me run away for fear!

But who is here?

Lysander on the ground?

Dead, or asleep?

I see no blood, no wound.

Lysander, if you live, good sir, awake!

And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake!

Transparent Helena, nature shows her art

That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart.

Where is Demetrius? O, how fit a word

Is that vile name to perish on my sword!

Do not say so, Lysander, say not so.

What though he love your Hermia, lord, what though?

Yet Hermia still loves you. Then be content.

Content with Hermia? No, I do repent

The tedious minutes I with her have spent.

Not Hermia, but Helena I love.

Who will not change a raven for a dove?

Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?

When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?

Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man,

That I did never - no, nor never can -

Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye

But you must flout my insufficiency?!

Now fare you well! Perforce I must confess

I thought you, lord, of more true gentleness.

Things growing are not ripe until their season.

So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason!

O, that a lady of one man refused

Should of another therefore be abused!

And touching now the point of human skill,

Reason becomes the marshal to my will.

Help me, Lysander, help me!

Ay me, for pity!

What a dream was here. Lysander, look...

Lysander - what, removed?

Lysander, lord!

LYSANDER SPEAKS IN THE DISTANCE

Lysander? Lysander?

Lysander! Lysander!

Here's a marvellous convenient place for our rehearsal.

What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here

So near to the cradle of the Fairy Queen?

Now, Mistress Quince!

There are things in this comedy of Pyramus and Thisbe

that will never please.

First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill himself,

which you ladies cannot abide. How answer you that?

By'r lakin, a parlous fear!

I believe we must leave the killing out, when all is done.

Not a whit. I have a device to make all well.

Write me a prologue, and let the prologue seem to say

we will do no harm with our swords,

and that Pyramus is not killed indeed,

and for the more better assurance,

tell them that I, Pyramus, am not Pyramus,

but Bottom the weaver. This will put them out of fear.

Will not you ladies be afeard of the lion?

I fear it, I promise you!

Masters, you ought to consider with yourself, to bring in -

God shield us - a lion among ladies

is a most dreadful thing, for there is not a more fearful

wildfowl than your lion living, and we ought to look to't.

Therefore another prologue must tell that he is not a lion.

Nay, you must name his name,

and half his face must be seen through the lion's neck,

and he himself must speak through, saying thus, or to the same defect -

"Ladies," or "Fair ladies, I would wish you,"

or, "I would request you..." Ooh, no.

No, "I would entreat you," yes, entreat, entreat, entreat,

"I would entreat you not to fear, not to tremble.

"My life for yours.

"If you think I come hither as a lion, it were pity of my life.

"No. I am no such thing. I am a man, as other men are."

And there indeed let him name his name,

and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner.

THEY CHEER

If that may be, then all is well.

Come, sit down, every mother's son, and rehearse your parts.

Pyramus, you begin.

Now, when you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake,

and so everyone according to his cue.

Speak, Pyramus!

-Thisbe, stand forth!

-Oh, yes... Yes.

No, just a little bit... No, a little bit...

Ooh, no. No, no. A little bit... Little bit. There.

Thisbe, the flowers of odious savours sweet...

-Odours!

-What?

-Odours!

-Odours?

-Odours.

Odours. Odours, odours.

Oh! Odours. Odours.

Odours.

Oh, yeah! Odours.

Ha-ha! Odours.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

The flowers of odious savours sweet.

So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe, dear.

But hark, a voice!

Stay thou but here awhile,

And by and by I will to thee appear.

And then I go...

PUCK LAUGHS

Oh, a stranger Pyramus than e'er played here.

-Must I speak now?

-Ay, marry, must you,

for you must understand he goes but to see a noise that he heard,

and is to come again.

Of colour like the red rose on triumphant briar,

Most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew,

As true as truest horse that yet would never tire,

I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb...

Ninus' tomb, man! Why, you must not speak that yet.

That, you answer to Pyramus.

Sweet moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams,

I thank thee, moon, for shining now so bright,

For, by thy gracious, golden, glittering...

gleams,

I trust to take of truest Thisbe sight.

But stay - O spite! But mark, poor knight,

What dreadful dole is here?

Eyes, do you see? How can it be?

O dainty duck, O dear!

Pyramus, enter!

Your cue is past.

It is "never tire".

As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.

He said, "never tire".

As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.

RUSTLING IN BUSHES

If I were fair, fair Thisbe, I were only thine.

O monstrous!

O strange!

We are haunted!

Bless thee, Bottom! Thou art translated!

O Bottom, thou art changed. What do I see on thee?

What do you see? You see an ass head of your own, do you?

HE BRAYS THEY SCREAM

PANICKED SHOUTING PUCK CACKLES

Why do you run away?

Oh! Oh! This is a knavery of you to make me afeard!

HE CHUCKLES

I see your knavery!

This is to make an ass of me, to fright me, if you could.

But I will walk up and down here,

and I will sing, that they shall hear I am not afraid.

# The ousel cock so black of hue

# With orange-tawny bill

# The throstle with his note so true

# The wren with little quill

# The finch, the sparrow and the lark

# The plainsong cuckoo grey

# Whose note full many a man doth mark

# And dares not answer nay... #

-HE NEIGHS

-Ooh!

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

Good evening.

I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again!

Oh!

Mine ear is much enamoured of thy note.

So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape,

And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me

On the first view to say, to swear, I love thee.

Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that.

And yet, to say the truth,

reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

Not so, neither, but if I had wit enough to get out of

this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn...

Out of this wood do not desire to go!

Thou shall remain here, whether thou wilt or no.

I am a spirit of no common rate.

The summer still doth tend upon my state,

And I do love thee. Therefore go with me.

I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee.

Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, Mustardseed!

-Ready!

-And I!

-And I!

-And I!

-ALL:

-Where shall we go?

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman.

Yes, your name, I beseech you, sir?

SHE SCREAMS

Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes.

Feed him with apricocks and dewberries,

With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries.

The honey bags steal from the humble bees,

And for night-tapers crop their waxen thighs

And light them at the fiery glow-worms' eyes,

To have my love to bed and to arise.

'Ey up. Oh!

Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.

Hail, mortal.

I beseech your worship's name.

Cobweb.

I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master

Cobweb - if I cut my finger I shall make bold with you!

TITANIA AND BOTTOM GIGGLE

Your name, honest gentleman?

-Peaseblossom.

-Oh.

I pray you commend me to Mistress Squash, your mother,

and to Master Peascod, your father.

I beseech your name, sir.

Mustardseed.

Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well.

That same cowardly, giant-like oxbeef hath devoured many a

gentleman of your house, I promise you.

Tie up my lover's tongue! Bring him silently.

Oh!

No, no, no...

My mistress with a monster is in love!

THEY LAUGH

Come, come, come!

Near to her close and consecrated bower,

While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,

A crew of patches, rude mechanicals

That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,

Were met together to rehearse a play

Intended for great Theseus' nuptial day.

The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort,

Who Pyramus presented, in their sport

Forsook his scene and entered in a brake,

When I did him at this advantage take.

An ass's nole I fixed on his head.

Anon his Thisbe must be answered,

And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy...

HE WHOOPS EXCITEDLY

THEY LAUGH

So at his sight away his fellows fly!

When in that moment - so it came to pass -

Titania waked, and straightway loved an ass.

HE CACKLES

This falls out better than I could devise!

If thou hast slain Lysander in his sleep,

Being o'er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep!

It cannot be but thou hast murdered him.

So should a murderer look, so dead, so grim.

So should the murdered look, and so should I,

Pierced through the heart with your stern cruelty.

Yet you, the murderer, look as bright, as clear,

As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.

What's this to my Lysander? Where is he?

Ah, good Demetrius, wilt thou give him me?

You spend your passion on a misprised mood.

I am not guilty of Lysander's blood.

Nor is he dead, for aught that I can tell.

I pray thee, tell me then that he is well.

And if I could, what should I get therefore?

A privilege never to see me more!

Now I will follow you, in this fierce vein!

And therefore at your side I will remain.

But sorrow's heaviness...

..doth heavier grow.

Stay close. This is the same Athenian.

That was the woman, but not this the man.

What hast thou done? Thou hast mistaken quite,

And laid the love juice on some true love's sight.

About the wood go swifter than the wind,

And Helena of Athens look thou find.

By some illusion see thou bring her here.

I'll charm his eyes against she do appear.

-HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:

-I go, I go, look how I go.

Swifter than arrow from the Tartar's bow.

Flower of this purple dye,

Hit with Cupid's archery,

Sink in apple of his eye.

Captain of our fairy band,

Helena is here at hand,

And the youth mistook by me,

Pleading for a lover's fee.

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

HE CACKLES

DISTANT VOICES

Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?

Look when I vow, I weep, my vows new born!

You do advance your cunning more and more!

These vows are Hermia's. Will you give her o'er?

I had no judgment when to her I swore.

Nor none in my mind now you give me more!

Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you.

Lysander, godlike,

nymph, perfect, divine.

Nymph?!

To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?

You are unkind, Demetrius. Be not so,

For you love Hermia - this you know I know.

Crystal is muddy! O, how ripe in show

Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!

That pure congealed white, high Taurus' snow,

Fanned with the eastern wind, turns to a crow

When thou holdest up thy hand. O, let me kiss.

Kiss?!

This prince is of pure white, now seal my bliss!

O spite! O hell! I see you are all bent

To set against me for your merriment.

If you were men, as men you are in show,

You would not use a gentle lady so.

O, Lysander.

Lysander, lose thy Hermia. I will none.

If e'er I loved her all that love is gone.

My heart to her but as guestwise sojourned,

-And now to 'Sander...

-Ow!

-..is it home returned.

PUCK GIGGLES

O Helen!

Goddess, nymph, perfect, divine,

To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?

You both are rivals and love Hermia,

And now both rivals to mock Helena!

Thou art not by mine eye, Lysander, found,

Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound!

But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?

Why should he stay whom love doth press to go?

What love could press Lysander from my side?

Lysander's love, that would not let him bide.

Fair Helena, who more engilds the night

Than all yon fiery oes and eyes of light.

You speak not as you think. It cannot be.

Lo, she is one of this confederacy.

Now I perceive they have conjoined all three

To fashion this false sport in spite of me.

Injurious Hermia, most ungrateful maid,

Have you conspired, have you with these contrived

To bait me with this foul derision?

And will you rent our ancient love asunder,

To join with men in scorning your poor friend?

It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly.

I understand not what you mean by this.

Ay, do! Persever, counterfeit sad looks,

Make mouths upon me when I turn my back!

Fare ye well. 'Tis partly my own fault,

Which death or absence soon shall remedy.

Stay, gentle Helena, hear my excuse,

My love, my life, my soul, fair Helena!

O, excellent!

I say I love thee more than he can do.

If thou say so, withdraw, and prove it too.

Quick, come.

Lysander, whereto tends all this?

Hang off, thou cat, thou burr! Vile thing, let loose,

Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent.

Why are you grown so rude? What change is this,

Sweet love?

Thy love? Out, tawny Tartar, out.

Out, loathed medicine! O hated potion, hence!

Do you not jest?

Am not I Hermia? Are not you Lysander?

Be certain. Nothing truer, 'tis no jest

That I do hate thee and love Helena.

O me, you juggler, you canker-blossom,

You thief of love!

Fine, i'faith.

Have you no modesty, no maiden shame,

No touch of bashfulness? What, will you tear

Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?

Fie, fie, you counterfeit, you puppet, you!

Puppet? Why so?

Ay, that way goes the game.

Now I perceive she hath made compare

with our statures. She hath urged her height!

So are you grown this high in his esteem

Because I am so dwarfish and so low?

I pray you, though you mock me, gentlemen,

Let her not hurt me. I was never curst.

I have no gift at all in shrewishness.

I am a right maid for my cowardice!

How low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak!

How low am I? I am not yet so low

But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes.

PUCK GIGGLES

O, when she is angry she is keen and shrewd!

She was a vixen when she went to school,

And though she be but little, she is fierce.

Little again?! Nothing but low and little?

Get you gone, you dwarf!

You bead! You... Acorn!

Shall I hurt her? Strike her, kill her dead?

No, Demetrius, no!

SHE SCREAMS

Good Hermia!

Do not be so bitter with her.

I evermore did love you, Hermia,

Did ever keep your counsels, never wronged you,

Save that...

In love unto Demetrius

I told him of your stealth unto this wood.

He followed you. For love I followed him.

But he hath chid me hence, and threatened me

To strike me, spurn me, nay, to kill me too.

INHALER SQUEAKS

To Athens will I bear my folly back

And follow you no further.

You see how simple and how fond I am.

Why, get you gone. Who is't that hinders you?

A foolish heart that I leave here behind.

What, with Lysander?

With Demetrius!

Be not afraid, he shall not claim thee, Helena!

No, sir! You shall not, though you take her part!

You are too officious

In her behalf that scorns your services.

Let her alone. Speak not of Helena,

Take not her part, for if thou dost intend

Never so little show of love to her,

Thou shalt aby it.

Now she holds me not.

Follow, if thou darest, to try whose right

Of thine or mine is most in Helena.

Follow? Nay, I'll go with thee, cheek by jowl.

You, mistress - all this coil is 'long of you.

Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray.

My legs are longer, though, to run away!

I am amazed, and know not what to say!

PUCK GIGGLES

Oh, those things do best please me

That befall preposterously!

But so far, am I glad it so did sort,

As this their jangling I esteem a sport.

Thou seest these lovers seek a place to fight.

Hie therefore, Robin, overcast the night,

Till o'er their brows death-counterfeiting sleep

With leaden legs and batty wings doth creep.

Then crush this herb into Lysander's eye,

Whose liquor hath this virtuous property,

To take from thence all error with his might,

And make his eyeballs roll with wonted sight.

When they next wake, all this derision

Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision.

Whiles I in this affair do thee employ

I'll to my queen and find her sleeping, boy,

And then I will her charmed eye release

From monster's view, and all things shall be peace.

-DEMETRIUS:

-Thou runaway! Thou coward! Art thou fled?

Speak! In some bush? Where dost thou hide thy head?

Oh! Faintness...constraineth me.

PUCK: Constraineth me.

Fallen am I, in dark uneven way.

O weary night! O long and tedious night...

Sleep, that sometimes shuts up.

Never so weary, never so in woe...

Cupid is a knavish lad

Thus to make poor females mad.

I have one. Come three more,

Two of both kinds make up four.

When thou wakest,

Thou takest

True delight

In the sight

Of thy former lady's eye.

Jack shall have Jill,

Nought shall go ill.

The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.

-BOTTOM:

-Ohh!

TITANIA: I will purge thy mortal grossness so.

TITANIA AND BOTTOM GIGGLE

Ahh...

Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed

While I thy amiable cheeks do coy,

And stick muskroses in thy sleek, smooth head,

And kiss thy fair large...ears...

..my gentle joy.

Ugh...

Ah.

Where's Peaseblossom?

Ready.

Scratch my head, Peaseblossom.

Where's Monsieur Cobweb?

Ready.

Good Monsieur, bring me a honey bag, signior.

Where's Monsieur Mustardseed?

What's your will?

Nothing, good Monsieur, but to help Peaseblossom

to scratch.

I must to the barber's, Monsieur, for methinks

I am marvellous hairy about the face.

Now say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat.

Truly, a peck of provender. I could munch your good dry oats.

Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle of hay.

Good hay, sweet hay hath no fellow.

I have a venturous fairy shall seek

The squirrel's hoard, and fetch thee new nuts.

I had rather have a handful or two of dried pease.

But, I pray you, let none of your people stir me.

I have an exposition of sleep come upon me.

HE YAWNS

Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.

Fairies, be gone, and be all ways away.

So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle

Gently entwist, the female ivy so

Enrings the barky fingers of the elm.

O, how I love thee!

How I dote on thee!

FLATULENCE

Her dotage now I do begin to pity.

THEY CHUCKLE

Be as thou wast wont to be,

See as thou wast wont to see.

Now, my Titania,

wake you, my sweet queen!

Oh!

My Oberon, what visions have I seen!

Methought I was enamoured of an ass.

There lies your love.

How came these things to pass?

O, how mine eyes do loathe your visage now!

But thou and I are new in amity,

And will tomorrow midnight solemnly

Dance in Duke Theseus's house triumphantly,

And bring to that lord his true destiny.

Fairy king, attend, and mark, I do hear the morning lark.

Then, my queen, in silence sad,

Trip we after the night's shade.

We the globe can compass soon,

Swifter than the wandering moon.

We are spirits of another sort.

And I with the morning's love have oft made sport,

And like a forester the groves may tread

Even till the eastern gate all fiery red

Opening on Neptune with fair blessed beams

Turns into yellow gold his salt green streams...

But soft, what nymphs are these?

Pardon, my lord!

No doubt you rose up early to observe

The rite of May, and hearing our intent

Came here in grace of our solemnity.

But speak, Egeus. Is not this the day

That Hermia should give answer of her choice?

It is, my lord.

I pray you all, stand up.

I know you two are rival enemies.

How comes this gentle concord in the world?

My lord, I shall reply amazedly, Half sleep, half waking.

But as yet, I swear...

Enough, enough. My lord, you have enough!

I beg the law, the law upon his head!

They would have stolen away,

-But...

-They would, Demetrius,

Thereby to have defeated you and me.

My good lord - I wot not by what power,

But by some power it is - my love to Hermia,

Melted as the snow, seems to me now

As the remembrance of an idle gaud

Which in my childhood I did dote upon.

And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,

The object and the pleasure of mine eye,

Is only...Helena.

Egeus, I will overbear your will.

For in the temple by and by with us

These couples shall eternally be knit.

And - for the morning now is something worn -

Our purposed hunting shall be set aside.

Away with us to Athens. Three and three,

We'll hold a feast in great solemnity.

Uncouple in the western valley! Let them go!

These things seem small and undistinguishable,

Like far-off mountains turned into clouds.

It seems to me, that yet we sleep, we dream...

HE GROANS

Heigh ho!

Mistress Quince!

Flute...?

Er...

God's my life - stolen hence and left me asleep!

I've had a most rare vision.

I have had a dream past the wit of man to say what dream it was...

Methought I was...

there is no man can tell what.

No, methought I was...

methought I...

Oh! Man is but a patched fool if he will offer to say

what my dream was...

and I...and she...

Oooh...

I will get Mistress Quince to write the ballad of this dream. Yes, yes.

It shall be called Bottom's Dream,

for it hath no bottom.

And I will sing it in the latter end of the play! Before the Duke!

THE PLAY! THE DUKE!

Oh! Oooh!

CROWD CHANT: Theseus! Theseus!

Where are these lads?!

Bottom!

Where are these hearts?!

O most courageous day!

We are transported!

CROWD CHEER

O most happy hour!

The old mechanicals!

Get your apparel! Good strings! New ribbons!

The Duke hath dined! The Duke hath dined!!

FIREWORKS CRACKLE

Here come the lovers, full of joy...

..and mirth!

APPLAUSE CONTINUES

Methinks I see these things with parted eye,

When everything seems double.

So methinks,

Now I have found Demetrius, like a jewel,

Mine own but not mine own.

Are you sure, that we are...?

'Tis strange, O Theseus, that these lovers speak of.

More strange than true.

I never may believe

These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.

Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,

Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend

More than cool reason ever comprehends.

So in the night, imagining some fear,

How easy is a bush supposed a bear?

But all the story of the night told over.

GUNS CLICK

What revels are in hand?

Is there no play To ease the anguish of a torturing hour?

There's a brief how many sports are ripe.

What masques,

what...what dances shall we have?

HE SIGHS AND LAUGHS SCATHINGLY

"A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus

"And his love Thisbe - very tragical mirth."

Ha!

Merry and tragical?

HE LAUGHS SCATHINGLY

Tedious and brief? Ha!

N-No, no, my noble lord, It's... It's not for you.

We will hear it.

Ha!

Hard-handed folk that work in Athens here,

Which never laboured in their minds till now.

APPLAUSE

Oh...

HE SCOFFS

If we offend it is with our good will.

That you should think we come not to offend

But with good will

To show our simple skill,

That is the true beginning of our end.

Consider then we come... but in despite.

We do not come as minding to content you,

Our true intent is.

All for your delight We are not here.

That you should here repent you.

The actors are at hand,

and by their show

You shall know all that you are like to know.

She hath rid her prologue like a rough colt, she knows not the stop.

SOME LAUGHTER

Her speech was like a tangled chain -

Nothing impaired, but all disordered.

SOME LAUGHTER

Who is next?

GRUNTING AND GROANING

HE GRUNTS AND GROANS

GROANING SLOWLY DIES DOWN

HE SCOFFS

In this same interlude it doth befall

That I - one Snout by name - present a wall.

And such a wall as I would have you think

That had in it a crannied hole or chink,

Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisbe,

Did whisper often, very secretly.

This loam, this roughcast, and this stone doth show

That I am that same wall - the truth is so.

BOTTOM MURMURS APPRECIATIVELY

Very good.

O grim-looked night, O night with hue so black,

O night which ever art when day is not!

O night, O night, alack, alack, alack,

I fear my Thisbe's promise is forgot!

And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,

Which standest between her father's ground and mine,

Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,

Show me thy chink to blink through with mine eyne.

GRUNTING

THESEUS SCOFFS Thanks, courteous wall.

Jove shield thee well for this.

What see I? No Thisbe do I see.

O wicked wall, through whom I see no bliss,

Cursed be thy stones for thus deceiving me!

The wall, methinks, being sensible, should curse again.

OUT OF CHARACTER: No, in truth, sir, he should not.

MURMURING

"Deceiving me" is Thisbe's cue. She is to enter now,

-and I am to spy her through the wall.

-(Bottom!)

-You shall see - it will fall pat as I told you.

-(No, no, Bottom...)

Yonder she comes.

(Bottom, Bottom!)

IN CHARACTER: Yonder she comes!

-FLUTE:

-Oh, where is Pyramus, most lilywhite of hue?

O, wall, full often hast thou heard my moans

For parting my fair Pyramus and me.

My cherry lips have often kiss'd thy stones,

Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee.

I see a voice. Now will I to the chink

To spy an I can hear my Thisbe's face.

Thisbe!

-FLUTE GASPS

-My love!

Thou art my love, II think?

-O, kiss me through the hole of this vile wall!

-All right.

OUT OF CHARACTER: Nah, I can't really do it. I can't do it, I can't do it.

I-I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all.

-IN CHARACTER: Wilt thou at Ninny's Tomb...

-"Ninus'."

..Ninus' Tomb meet me straight way?

Tide life, tide death, I come without delay.

OUT OF CHARACTER: Ninus' tomb, I know. I always get... I know.

Thus have I, wall, my part discharged so,

And being done, thus wall away doth go.

-HE GRUNTS

-Right...

GRUNTING AND GROANING

Thank you...thank you...

Argh, argh! Ooh! Ooh, me finger...

This is the silliest stuff that I have ever heard!

Ha!

I wonder if the lion be to speak.

One lion may, when many asses do!

You, ladies - you whose gentle hearts do fear

The smallest monstrous mouse that creeps on floor

May now, perchance, both quake and tremble here,

When lion rough in wildest rage doth ROAR!

Then know that I as Snug the joiner am.

OUT OF CHARACTER: It's me, I'm...I'm Snug. I'm Sn...

(Get on with it!)

IN CHARACTER: A-A lion fell, nor else no lion's dam,

For if I should as lion come in strife

Into this place, 'twere pity on my life.

This lanthorn doth the horned moon present...

He should have worn the horns on his head.

This lanthorn doth the horned moon present...

He is no crescent! And his horns are invisible within the circumference.

This lanthorn doth the horned moon present -

Myself the man in the moon do seem to be.

Ah, this is the greatest error of all the rest.

The man should be IN the lantern. How is it else the man in the moon?

All I have to say is to tell you this lantern is the moon,

I am the man in the moon, this thorn bush my thorn bush,

-and this dog my dog.

-PUPPET SQUEAKS

MURMURING

-This is old Ninny's Tomb.

-(Ninus'! Ugh!)

But-But where is my love?

O!

FLUTE SHRIEKS

Rarrrrrr!

Ha! Well roared, lion! Well run, Thisbe!

Well shone, moon!

Well moused, lion!

Ha!

Ah - and then came Pyramus. And so the lion vanished!

HE LAUGHS

Sweet moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams.

I thank thee, moon, for shining now so bright.

For, by thy gracious, golden, glittering gleams,

I trust to take of truest Thisbe sight.

But stay - O, spite! But mark, poor knight,

What dreadful dole is here?

Eyes, do you see?

How can it be? O, dainty duck, O, dear!

Thy mantle good - What, stained with blood!

Approach, ye Furies fell!

SOME LAUGHTER

O, Fates, come, come,

Cut thread and thrum,

Quail, crush, conclude, and quell.

HE LAUGHS

Beshrew my heart, but I pity the man!

Come, tears, confound.

Out sword, and wound The pap of Pyramus.

Ay, that left pap,

Where heart doth hop.

Thus die I -

thus!

LAUGHTER Thus!

HE LAUGHS HEARTILY Thus!

Thus! Thus!

HE LAUGHS, THEN GRUNTS

Thus!

Now am I dead,

Now am I fled.

My soul is in the sky.

Tongue, lose thy light.

Moon, take thy flight.

OUT OF CHARACTER: Take thy flight.

LAUGHTER

Now die!

LAUGHTER

Die!

THESEUS LAUGHS HEARTILY Die!

Die!

Dieeee!

Die!

Die! Die!

Die!

APPLAUSE

CHEERING

SHOUTING AND APPLAUSE ECHOES

-APPLAUSE CONTINUES

-Bravo!

No die, but an ace for him!

Oh, here she comes, and her passion ends the play.

She hath spied him already, with those sweet eyes.

Asleep, my love?

What, dead, my dove?

O, Pyramus, arise.

Speak, speak.

Quite dumb?

Dead, dead?

A tomb Must cover thy sweet eyes.

These lily lips,

This cherry nose,

These yellow cowslip cheeks Are gone, are gone.

THUNDERCLAP

Lovers, make moan -

His eyes were green as leeks.

O, sisters three, Come, come to me With hands as pale as milk...

Lay them in gore Since you have shore With shears his thread of silk.

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

THUNDERCLAP

THUNDER SUBSIDES

Tongue, not a word.

Come, trusty sword,

Come, blade, my breast imbrue.

And farewell, friends.

Thus Thisbe ends.

Adieu,

adieu...

..adieu.

ONE PERSON CLAPS SLOWLY

Hoorah!

CHEERING

But-But-But come, your-your Bergomask! Bergomask!

AUDIENCE CHANT: Bergomask! Bergomask! Bergomask!

THEY PLAY FOLK MUSIC

# It was a lover and his lass

# With a hey and a ho and a hey nonino

# That over the green cornfield did pass

# In the springtime

# The only pretty ring time

# When birds do sing

# Ding-a-ding-ding-ding

# Sweet lovers love the spring... #

Let your epilogue alone.

# Sweet lovers love the spring

# Between the acres and the rye

# With a hey and a ho and a hey nonino

# Those pretty country folks would lie

# In the springtime

# The only pretty ring time

# When birds do sing

# Ding-a-ding-ding-ding

# Sweet lovers love the spring

# Sweet lovers love the spring... #

Now until the break of day

Through this house each fairy stray.

Never harm, nor spell, nor charm,

Come our lovely lady nigh.

Hand in hand with fairy grace,

Will we sing and bless this place.

Hey, hey, hey!

# This carol they began that hour

# With a hey and a ho and a hey nonino

# How that a life was but a flower

# In the springtime

# The only pretty ring time... #

Now the people of it blessed

Ever shall in safety rest.

# And therefore take the present time

# With a hey and a ho and a hey nonino

# For love is crowned with the prime

# In the springtime

# The only pretty ring time

# When birds do sing

# Ding-a-ding-ding-ding

# Sweet lovers love the spring

# Sweet lovers love the spring. #

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended -

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear.

And this weak and idle theme

No more yielding but a dream,

Gentles, do not reprehend.

If you pardon, we will mend,