We the Jury

This programme contains some strong language

Happy birthday, William!

Thanks, Mum.

Ta-dah! Aw...

I've got a very special present for you this year, William.

Really? What's the one thing you've always wanted more than

anything else, ever since you were a little boy?

That putty where you put your finger into it and it makes a fart noise.

No. Oh, the little megaphone where you speak into it and it makes your voice go high like a little alien.

No. Trainers that light up when you walk.

No. Oh, one of those little rubber things and when you turn it

inside out, you pop it on a table and it pops up into the air. No.

Marble maze, a great big marble maze.

No. Not a gift, I mean in life.

What's your biggest ambition, William?

Well, that's easy - it's to do jury service.

To answer the call and perform one of the most important tasks

known to humankind - the task...

BOTH: ..of justice.

That's right.

My little juror, just like your father.

Yeah. Thanks to Dad and his fellow noble jurors,

Melvin Baish is right where he belongs.

At home with his wife and kids.

Your father once stopped an innocent man from going to prison.

Now it's your turn.

Happy 30th, my angel.

Oh, my God!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh!

THEY LAUGH AND CHEER

I can't believe it's finally happened.

Years of sifting through the post and finding nothing but disappointment.

Is everything OK? Yeah.

It just... It just says here that I need to be there today.

That can't be right, can it? They're meant to tell you weeks in advance.

Oh, yes, I wanted to save it for your birthday, you see.

What? It came ages ago,

but I thought it'd be nice for you to have it on your actual birthday.

You thought...?

This says I need to be there in half an hour.

Oh, well, you can be a bit late - it is your special day.

Late for justice? Never in my life.

Good luck, William.

# Ooh-ooh-ooh, won't you tell me the truth now... #

Hi there.

SCANNER BLEEPS

# Don't wanna hear an excuse now....

# Just give me, give me the truth

# Gotta give me, give me the truth... #

Hi. William Cryer.

# Gotta give me, give me the truth

# Gotta give me, give me the truth

# All you gotta do is...

# Ooh, ooh, ooh, won't you tell me the truth now

# Ooh, ooh, ooh

# Don't wanna hear an ex... #

Jennifer Aschenbach...

Don Cooley...

Lucas Crawford... Oh, God. ..William Cryer.

Yes! ..and Hugh Ruben-Jackson have been selected

as members of the jury.

I can't believe we made it.

12 angry men.

And women. There's plenty of angry women here, too.

It's, er... It's a film. 12 Angry Men - it's about a jury.

None of you look angry. Don't we?

DOOR OPENS

Hello, the jury.

I'm Judge Henman, just giving you a heads-up -

this case is probably going to be a long one, a proper slog.

Which one of us will be the foreman?

The defendant is one Darren Levinson, a croupier at

a local casino, accused of murdering a work colleague.

Yes, folks, it's a murder trial.

Yes! Get in! Yes! Yeah!

Congratulations. Murder is the dream.

Oh, hey, hey, we should show some restraint, surely.

Hey, this is my final case, baby. New rules!

Rule number one is, be cool.

What's your name, moody? Jen. No way!

That's my name! Two people with the same name. That's crazy! No.

No, you can't both be called Jen - it's too confusing.

This is murder, remember? Let's not make it harder than it already is.

Well, fine, I can be called Jen One and you can be called...

Wolf! Wolf!

Like the animal! That's so cool.

Great nickname, Wolf. Who do you think the foreman will be?

Now, Jen One, rule number two in my courtroom is,

don't be a party-pooper, OK?

Well, surely if she's called Wolf, I could go back to being Jen.

That would work if your name wasn't already Jen One, but it is,

so... OK, great chat.

See you in court for the super-cool murder trial we're all doing later.

This guy's the foreman.

Lucas. Commiserations to the rest of you. No-one wants to be foreman, mate.

Most of us don't even want to be here.

Congratulations, mate. Well played.

I don't mind being deputy foreman, if no-one else wants it.

No-one else wants it because deputy foreman isn't a thing.

Sorry about that, William.

How do you know my name's William?

Oh, boy. You're going to be an excellent juror, aren't you?

I know your name's William because you're the only one wearing a name badge, birthday boy.

How could you possibly know that it's...? Oh, don't say what you're about to ask him.

Figure it out in your head first.

Hey, if Wolf had a name badge, you know what it would say?

Would it say Wolf?

Yeah.

Crazy.

HE MOUTHS

Don't wave.

Guilty. Very guilty.

This won't take long. You're not supposed to say that - we haven't even started yet.

He looks guilty. Big time. Yeah, but does he only look guilty because he's in court?

I'm in court, I don't look guilty. Guilty of being cool, maybe.

Hey, we should sit next to each other. I don't mind swapping. Nice.

Coming through. Oi!

Sam. Wolf.

You're so cool. I think the defendant looks quite nice.

Yeah, he seems like a good bloke. You can't really say that either.

PC brigade over here, censoring everybody.

No, I just think we should be professional, you know,

sort of focus, focus.

Hello! Where's that chap off to?

Oh, that's the, er... That's the courtroom artist.

What a lot of people don't know about courtroom artists

is they're not actually allowed to draw in court,

so what they have to do is memorise what somebody looks like, then nip out and draw it somewhere else.

How's he meant to do good drawings of us if he's not looking at us?

I think he just remembers. Well, that sounds terrible.

Sh-sh-sh-sh. The opening statements are starting!

Who cares? That guy's going to draw ugly pictures of us and show them to everyone. Is he?

Is he going to show them to EVERYONE?

The Oxford English Dictionary describes murder as the...

Yes, Wolf. Who gets to see that artist guy's drawings?

It depends how bad they are.

If he makes you look like a pack of mingers,

then we'll probably pass them round chambers once or twice.

She's called Wolf. Short for Jen.

Carry on.

The Oxford English Dictionary describes murder as

"the unlawful, premeditated killing of one human being by another".

I describe murder as despicable.

Darren Levinson would probably describe murder as

his favourite thing - a bit of a laugh, maybe even a hobby.

I would describe Darren Levinson as a naughty man.

(A naughty man.)

And all I ask of you, the jury, is to agree with me,

not just about this point,

but about every point I raise throughout this entire trial,

because only then can justice be served,

and only then can we put a stop to murder forever.

Should they be clapping?

You a bit of a drawer? Sorry?

You a bit of a drawer?

Oh, my God, what a day!

I could just keep on going and going, couldn't you?

This is everything I always dreamed it would be.

I agree. This is everything I've always dreamed it would be.

Glad to see someone else taking this seriously.

What, maintaining the balance of right and wrong? Hell, yeah!

Me too. I'm a primary school teacher, so it comes with the territory.

What's your excuse? Oh, it runs in the family.

May dad was a juror back in '91. Oh, wow! What was the case?

Embezzlement. The accused was an auctioneer named Melvin Baish.

It was actually one of the quickest cases in the history of all court cases,

because my father's jury made the right decision and they made it fast.

Plus most of the witnesses were auctioneers. They speak incredibly quickly,

so it was over in a couple of days. Golly-gosh! What was the verdict?

Oh, innocent. Dad knows an innocent man when he sees one - I can tell you that for free.

And what's your daddy doing now? He's in prison.

Ah.

OK.

HE CLAPS Foreman speaking.

Let's get down to business.

I don't like this courtroom artist situation any more than the rest of you,

so I propose we run a little experiment.

One of you goes outside and does a drawing from memory of another juror.

If it's good, we can all relax.

If it's bad, then we know we've got a problem on our hands.

I can draw. I love drawing -

I've got my own art kit and I doodle in my downtime.

Well, very well, let's pick someone for you to draw.

Jen One should be OK - she's not got a complex face.

Great. I love drawing people with funny hair.

But I have to go home now - I can't stay for drawing.

You can't go home! We've just finished our first day of jury duty -

we need to hit the town and celebrate.

I'd be up for hitting the town.

Very well. We'll all go for a drink as a jury and while we're there,

Hugh can try and draw Jen One. Everyone wins. I'm not sure I win.

I've got my art kit - I'm all set.

Well, maybe just a quick one, but I can't stay late.

LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

I own a building supply company.

That's great. Er...

Mr Martin, but friends call me Mr Martin.

Sorry, did you say you're called Martin? Ha-ha!

No, MR Martin. If my first name was Martin, I'd be called Martin Martin.

HE LAUGHS

And what do you do?

I'm a juror. Oh, wow! I did jury duty once.

What's your actual job, though?

I'm a juror. I thought you worked in a cinema.

That is not who I am. I'm a juror and I always have been.

That's impossible.

Thank you.

Hugh's been gone for a while now.

It doesn't matter how long he's gone for.

The point is, he leaves the nightclub and does a drawing

of Jen One, a fair test.

If the drawing's rubbish,

then we know we've got a problem with this courtroom artist.

But how does this test prove anything?

I mean, Hugh isn't even a courtroom artist - he's a member of the jury.

I don't even know what his job is.

Didn't he say he does something really snooty,

like run a members-only club? No, that's me.

I run a members-only club,

and you just blew what little chance you had of ever becoming a member.

Yeah?

Well, you just got yourself banned from Ballard's amusement arcade,

mate. We can all play that game.

Blam! Banned from the arcade.

During my shifts, Monday to Thursday daytimes.

You can go ahead and ban me, too, man.

Members' clubs are sad - too many rules.

Oh, yeah, not like this place, where people are allowed to piss wherever

they like. Yeah, I agree - you definitely belong here, both of you.

You don't know me. You think I'm not sophisticated?

Why don't you ask me what my job is?

What's your job? I'm a poet, and you didn't even know it.

Ooh. Are you really a poet?

Because you just rhymed "poet" with "know it", you know?

Like a child does?

You just got yourself banned from Stanza Bonanza.

Tuesday nights at the Wheatsheaf, yeah? Oh.

MUSIC: On The Regular by Shamir

We don't like to pigeonhole ourselves. It's pretty alternative.

Wow! I wish I could play the guitar.

What's your band called?

Trudge. What? T-R-U-D-G-E.

Trudge. Ugh. Can you spell "depressing" as well?

I like country or western music.

Who wants to see my drawing?

Oh, finally. Thank you, Hugh.

Right, he's been hanging out with you all day -

he thinks you look like...

that. That's really good, actually, Hugh. I like it. It's like you've drawn a photograph.

It's not like he's drawn a photograph! We're in deep shit.

He was gone longer than the courtroom artist as well, wasn't he?

That's because you made him go outside. He would've had to queue to get back in again.

No worries. I love queuing.

Hugh, what is it that you do?

I'm a supervisor at the bureau de change. What? Bureau de change.

It means bureau...of change.

We change your money into other money at the Post Office. We have our own window.

Is that why you said you like queues earlier?

You tell me. Yes?

Yeah! So, are you rich, then?

Nah, I just love currency.

Do you know Australian money is waterproof and in America they don't call it money,

they call it "Benjamins" - what?!

That guy is so cool.

Listen. We all need to keep an eye on this bastard courtroom artist.

At this point, it's priority number one.

It's no good solving a murder case if you're forever remembered as a munter.

Even though you don't wear glasses,

I can see why he's given you glasses. Do you know what I mean?

You've got a glasses vibe. So, what's this case about, then?

Oh, no way. It's a big secret.

We can't tell a single person outside the courtroom.

He doesn't have an alibi and the murder weapon was found in his own

bedroom, so it's already looking pretty bad.

Wow! Do you think you're going to crack the case?

Pardon? Do you think you're going to crack the case?

What case? The court case you're on jury for.

I don't know what you're on about, mate.

You were just telling me how you're...

He told her what?! I'm so, so sorry.

Save it, William. Blabbing's the one thing everyone knows you shouldn't do, and you did it immediately.

You're fired. Oh, you can't fire people.

Yes, I can, because I'm the foreman,

and now you're fired and your name's Jen Two.

Demoted. So, is she fired or demoted, mate?

Both. And I'd do the same to you if it wasn't exactly what you wanted.

Does this mean I won't get a pay rise or a company car?

How will this affect my pension, boss?

I'm not so sure she'll blab. She says she done jury service herself in the past.

Oh! So she's industry! That's fine, man.

Once a juror, always a juror.

No. Not once a juror, always a juror.

Just once a juror.

Wolf's right. All William did was tell another juror -

that's like telling one of us.

Totally. It's like if a butcher told another butcher

about a murder.

I'm a butcher, and I didn't tell anyone about the murder.

No-one's accusing you of anything, Don.

I can't believe I've messed up so soon -

it's day two and I've already let my father down. Oh, please.

I heard what you said to Jen Two.

Your father's in prison, William.

For a crime he didn't commit.

And if he'd had a good jury instead of a bad jury,

he'd be a free man by now. OK, OK, William, William,

did you get this lady's number?

Yes. My man! Thanks, Mr Martin. Right.

Ring her up, find out what she knows.

No, you can't ring her the very next morning.

You have to wait three days at least.

I rang my Tina the very next morning. Didn't do me no harm.

Good point, Don. Tell William what you did, Don.

I pretended it was a wrong number and that I meant to ring the fire brigade. Neat little trick.

Oh, hi, Doctor, it's me.

Sorry? Who is this? Fiona?

I'm so sorry, Fiona,

I've rung you by mistake when I was meant to ring my doctor.

I wasn't going to ring you for another three days.

It's William.

William from last night.

William the juror.

There's the murder trial, the croupier who killed his work colleague?

He doesn't have an alibi. They found the body next to his blackjack table.

They found the murder weapon in his own bedroom.

Yes, William, yes! Hello, hi. How are you doing?

Oh, hey, while I've got you on the phone, I wanted to know how much you remember about the case.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but a casino -

that's chock-full of security cameras, am I right?

Yes. And it's your job to watch those screens, yes?

Most people don't realise, sometimes poems don't even need to rhyme -

you can just use cool words. Yeah, man. I love cool words.

I've got a cool word for you - shut up.

Ugh. Son of a bitch.

I'm hung over - he can't draw me today.

I hate him so much.

You should. You'll come out of this the worst - you look like shit.

Oi, watch your mouth, jumper-shoulders! This is court.

It's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I was just being honest.

You're just being rude, actually, mate.

That's what being honest is.

He's right.

I don't want to get kicked off the jury, Mr Martin.

I've worked my whole life for this.

Relax, buddy. I've been in some sticky situations during my rise to the top.

I know just how to handle this sort of thing.

Arrange a meet-up. It's time to bribe this young lady.

Hey, guys.

Are you openly discussing bribing people while we're in court?

Just being honest. The truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

You can't just say, "The truth..."

Relax. We're jurors.

Excuse me?

He means we've got immunity when it comes to illegal stuff.

Chill out, Jen One.

Oh, hey. I'm going to rob a shop after this,

if you fancy robbing a shop. Don't wind me up.

I know you're not robbing a shop.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I like to say that as well.

He's back! Everyone look as fit as you can!

Hey, um, I just wanted to say, I thought it was really cool that you

didn't wait ages to ask me out on a date.

It's so refreshing. Yeah, I'm not that guy.

I'm looking forward to seeing this film - I love John Cusack.

Me too! Ever since Runaway Jury.

Wow, I've never met anyone who loves Cusack as much as me.

Do you think he'll be a juror in this film, too? Um, I think it's set in the jungle.

Jungle jury.

Say, Fiona, would you... Would you care for some popcorn?

No, thanks.

Are you sure? It's... It's mighty tasty.

Well, sure, why not?

What's this? Why don't you open it up and find out?

More cinema tickets?

You don't even know how well this date's gone yet.

They're not for us - they're just for you. I don't understand.

No, just keep them, it's cool.

These are tickets for the film we're about to see.

Yeah, it's a different screening, though, so you can bring a friend who hasn't seen it before. Why?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you're not going to tell

anyone about all of the murder trial stuff I said the other night.

Are you trying to bribe me?

Yes. With cinema tickets?

And... Ooh.

I'm going to report you to the police.

Oh, come on. I'm a juror - who do you think they're going to believe?

Well, when you're on trial, maybe I'll be on the jury.

That'd be a huge coincidence, wouldn't it? Anyway, you're not a juror, I am,

so it's more likely that I will be on the jury and then I'll be very nice to myself and I'll say,

"Not guilty." I wasn't going to tell anyone about your boring trial but now I am, because this is

probably the worst date I've ever been on! Don't leave! You're going to miss the film - John Cusack!

I've got two tickets to a different screening, so I'd rather wait and see it with someone else.

Not another guy, though? Yeah, actually. Probably my friend Jake from art class.

Oh, cool, how long have you been doing art class?

This isn't a date any more, William!

Can you move, please? All right.

Fiona. No!

Fiona... Sorry about this. No!

He's out of control. I mean, if he can make me look this bad,

imagine what he's going to do with the rest of you.

He'll have a field day. That wasn't by the courtroom artist.

That was another drawing that Hugh did of you.

If anything, I think you should be worried about whether Hugh even likes you or not. Who cares?

I doubt that idiot likes anything as much as he likes change.

Who the hell does? I've solved it!

I've got the answer to both our problems!

Have you really(?) And the answer is...?

Are you telling me this lady knows the Wi-Fi code

and what happened to my birthday cake?

No, Don, I'm telling you that she is an artist, and what happens when you put an artist into the courtroom?

They will catch enough fish to feed themselves for a lifetime.

You guys want rid of the courtroom artist

and I told this lady about the murder when I shouldn't have, OK?

So what if we get the courtroom artist fired

and replace him with her? She's allowed to know everything if she's the courtroom artist.

Plus she's way better than the old artist, look. Show them.

That's Michael Jackson. Correct.

Now, all we need to do is convince the judge.

Well, in all my years,

I've never had a jury ask me to fire a courtroom artist.

And hire a new one - she's very good.

She's taking fine art evening classes,

her teacher says that her work is "groovy".

And what's wrong with this chap? He's a fucking prick.

Have you ever seen his drawings?

No. Oh, come on, show them a sketch, mate.

I'm sure this will put all your worries to rest.

Who's that meant to be? It's Darren. Who's Darren?

Darren is the name of the defendant.

Oh, yeah. The guilty fella. Right. This is no better than one of Hugh's drawings.

Thank you. It's god-awful. You've not made him look guilty enough.

Was I meant to make him look guilty?

Yeah, because guilty is what he looks like,

so if you've not made him look guilty, you've not captured him, have you?

He's already been captured, Sam.

That's why he's in court. Poetry. Oh, nice.

See? Even they're better artists than you are.

They didn't draw anything - she just made a joke and they fist-bumped.

And then she said the word "poetry" for some reason. Right, you aren't allowed to draw me, mate.

If you do a drawing of me, then I'll do a drawing of you,

and I'll draw a speech bubble coming out of your mouth,

and I'll write "wanker" in the speech bubble and show it to everyone.

Right, so you're going to do a drawing of me saying the word "wanker".

Let me see it.

Is this a hand or a paw?

OK, look, I don't tell you how to judge, so don't tell me how to draw, OK?

But she's judging your drawing, so you are telling her how to judge,

aren't you, pal? Oh! Un-come-back-able! Right, that's it, I don't need this.

I quit. I mean, sketching from memory in the corridors?

Dealing with obnoxious jurors?

Getting hassled by undercover cops?

A true artist can't be expected to work under these conditions.

You're not really a true artist, though, are you? Not like a Picasso and stuff.

Oh, no? Well, you'll do well to remember that you cannot spell

"courtroom artist" without "artist"!

HUGH GASPS He's right!

I knew we'd be the best jury.

Bad juries send innocent men to prison,

but good juries work as a team,

and today we pulled together and forced a man to quit his job.

Quite so. Welcome aboard, young lady.

Hold on, I didn't know I had to go out in the corridor and draw from memory - that's way too hard.

Sorry, I think you're going to have to find somebody else. No, wait... Maybe...

Maybe we could make an exception.

I beg your pardon? Well, I mean, she's going to be drawing you, too,

Judge. You want her to make you look nice, don't you? Hmm.

I like where this is going.

If I could just clarify, do you mean to tell me...? Stay still!

Do you mean to tell me...? Both of you.

Do you mean to tell me you...?

Hey, it's important you guys are looking at me during all this.

Over here, maybe?

Do you mean to tell me you had no idea he'd actually

left the building?

Oh, I'm going to prison.

Evening, William.

Hey. Oh, you look shattered, love.

Long day? Yeah, you can say that again.

I blabbed to someone when I shouldn't have.

I told them that the defendant didn't have an alibi,

that the body was found next to the blackjack table, that the murder weapon was found in their bedroom,

and we had to fire the courtroom artist and he got very cross.

Funny thing, actually - when he was scolding us, he mentioned undercover cops and I thought,

"If this is a straightforward murder case, there shouldn't BE any undercover cops."

I think this is part of something bigger. I think they've been investigating this guy for some time

and that the murder is just the tip of the iceberg.

Surprise!

Congratulations on becoming a juror, William!

Can I interest you guys in some cinema tickets?

# Ooh, ooh, ooh

# Won't you tell me the truth now?

# Ooh, ooh, ooh

# Don't wanna hear an excuse now

# Tell me the truth. #