Chinese Burn
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
This programme contains strong language and adult humour | 0:00:02 | 0:00:11 | |
SHE SCREAMS Jackie. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
Angry, offensive, alpha female. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
We're taking over the world! | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
Elizabeth - desperate, self-loathing, | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
failed Chinese daughter. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
I'm from Taiwan, delicious bitch! | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
Fufu, kooky, random, fresh off the plane. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:31 | |
We're Chinese girls in London, bitches. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
-ALL: -And you're going to love us long time! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
SHE MOANS | 0:00:40 | 0:00:41 | |
Nice Thai prostitute. Scream like a Korean prostitute. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
LOW MOAN Scream like a Saudi prostitute. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
SHE SQUEAKS | 0:00:47 | 0:00:48 | |
-Are you really auditioning for a prostitute again? -I hope not. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
If I have to be a hooker, an illegal immigrant or | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
-take a white girl again, I'm going to kill somebody. -Well, we're broke. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
-Maybe you should get a real job. -Fuck that shit! | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
-I just won't eat. -OK, scream like a Japanese prostitute. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
SHE STIFLES FAKE LAUGHTER | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Konichiwa, you look delicious, bitch! | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
I'm from Taiwan, delicious bitch! | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
Just warning you, going to Acton's going to cost you a pretty penny. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:20 | |
Oh, no, let me check. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
-This one's pretty. -No, no, no. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
-I mean, it's going to cost you a lot of money. -Oh, no! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:30 | |
In Buddhism, we say that genuine wealth comes not from money | 0:01:30 | 0:01:34 | |
but through friendship. I'm happy to be your friend. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
Yeah... | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
-No, I'm going with the actual money. -Oh. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
-Hi. -Who the...? -Fufu? | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
You're...here? | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
Hi, Elizabeth. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
My suitcase are outside. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
What are you doing here? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
I'm here to fulfil my dream as a fashion designer in London. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
Who's Downton Abbey? | 0:02:09 | 0:02:10 | |
We're childhood friends. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:11 | |
It's very kind to meet you. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
-I'm also your flatmate. -What?! -Your parents said it was OK. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:19 | |
Fucking Chinese parents. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:20 | |
They said you are a wine expert, a sommelier. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
Are you? | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
Your apartment is so small! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
OK, Nanny McPhee needs to go. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
-It's an apartment for poor people? -Yes. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:36 | |
I heard you work in Michelin-starred restaurant | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
and your boyfriend's a banker. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
Ollie dumped her on WhatsApp, and now she just sleeps with randoms. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
And, no, she's not a sommeli... | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
-Thanks. Bye, Lynn. -Liz. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
He was sweet. Maybe he's the one. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
Oh, hi, darling. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
Yeah, sorry, had to get a hotel last night. How are the kids? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
Right, you need to stop having self-destructive one night stands. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
You've been standing all night? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
Yeah, up against a wall. She's a lan guan. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
-KNOCK ON FRONT DOOR WOMAN: -Jackie! | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
-Hello, Jackie. -I'm not Jackie. -Oh, you look so much like Jackie. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:23 | |
You know...with the eyes? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
-Erm... Who are you? -My name is Fufu. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:31 | |
-I'm Elizabeth friend from Taiwan. -Welcome to London. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
By the way, have you seen Elizabeth or Jackie? They owe me rent. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:42 | |
Yes, this is their home. They're here. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Oh, great. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
-They said they are not here. -Not here as in not here right now or...? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:53 | |
Oh! I love your dog! It's so cute. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:57 | |
Is it a boy or girl? | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
-Fluffy is a bitch. -Mm! What a delicious bitch. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:04 | |
-What? -Oh, I can just eat her up. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
Right, I think it's best if I come back tomorrow | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
and meet the relevant parties. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Bye! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
FLUFFY BARKS | 0:04:13 | 0:04:14 | |
I can't believe she's here. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Just tell her you're not a sommelier. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Yeah, and she'll tell my parents. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
I'm already the biggest disappointment in their lives. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Well, my mum always said life is like a box of biscuits... | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
It's chocolates. Look, I'm serious. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Don't say anything to Fufu about me, she won't get it. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
-Fufu! We need to get to work. -OK. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:34 | |
I'm going to explore London's closet. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
Like Camden, Brick Lane, and Covent Garden. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:42 | |
Is this enough for shopping? | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Maybe you shouldn't carry so much cash on you. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
-I have more in my suitcases. -In our house? -Uh-huh. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
Kerching. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
-Maybe she COULD stay with us. -No. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
Wagwan. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
No? | 0:05:00 | 0:05:01 | |
Thanks for coming in. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 | |
We can't reveal much yet but it's a very exciting project. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:10 | |
This is Dominic, our director. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
-Hi. -Hey. So... | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
It will be highly stylised. Much like a Wong Kar-Wai film. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:20 | |
It's about the internal struggle of humanity. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
A woman faced with adversity triumphs against all odds. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:28 | |
It speaks to our sense of connection with the world around us. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:33 | |
-Can you please read the lines? -Sure. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT | 0:05:37 | 0:05:38 | |
Just to be clear... | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
if you want anal, it will cost you extra. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
Could you make it...a bit more... | 0:05:45 | 0:05:50 | |
You know how in China you speak with... Like, a tonal lint? | 0:05:50 | 0:05:57 | |
A what? | 0:05:58 | 0:05:59 | |
Never mind. Can you do martial arts? | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
-I don't ask you if you can rap, do I, Denzel? -OK. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
Can you please read the next lines as it's written in a Chinese accent? | 0:06:07 | 0:06:13 | |
Herro, herro, my father, I sink he dead. I sink he missing. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:19 | |
Help me. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:22 | |
Are you fucking kidding me? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
I mean, if you want me to be racist, at least get it right. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
Chinese people don't say "herro" with Rs, | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
that's a Japanese stereotype. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
And for fuck's sake we don't all talk like Bruce Lee! | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES | 0:06:37 | 0:06:38 | |
So, she can do martial arts. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
SHE SINGS TO MUSIC UNENTHUSIASTICALLY | 0:06:42 | 0:06:46 | |
-She is a fucking -BLEEP! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:56 | |
All right, all right, mei-mei? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
I'm not your mei-mei, and I'm sweating like a pig. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Yeah, a sexy pig! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
You look hot. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:29 | |
That's because I'm boiling, you idiot. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
I'm sorry. I shouldn't speak to my manager like that. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
It's just that nobody's taking any leaflets, and... | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
Do you have a boner? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Oh, yeah! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
Have you heard about my one-inch dick? | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
That doesn't sound very healthy. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
No, no, my dick... | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
can penetrate your whole body. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
OK, I'm just going to take my break. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:56 | |
Right. Cool. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
# Hey Fatty Boom Boom | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
# Hit me with the Ching-ching | 0:08:00 | 0:08:01 | |
# Fat pocket clinking, dollar eye twinkling | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
# Jeez da beats so chunky # Me'sa getting funky | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
# Oh-oh oh-oh | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
# Hey Fatty Boom Boom | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
Hit me with the Ching-ching | 0:08:10 | 0:08:11 | |
# Fat pocket clinking. # | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
For the wine, I have also the cabernet... | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
Choose the 2009! | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
-Um... -The health of Burgundian grapes... -Other wines... | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
..in 2009 was exceptional! | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
Excusez-moi. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
No! | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
I told you before, stop coming here! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Ow! BUBBLE TEA JINGLE PLAYS | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
Did you see that? He kicked me! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
You know, one day, I'm going to be a famous sommelier. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
Don't you know that Chinese people are the best at everything? | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
We're taking over the world! | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
Argh! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:47 | |
MUSIC: Love This Town by Dizzee Rascal ft Teddy Sky | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
# New York, LA | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
# Tokyo, Berlin | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
# Miami, Rio, Milan... # | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
Watch it, you twat. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:58 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:09:02 | 0:09:03 | |
I love your handbag, you twat! | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
# I get a lot of love, all smiles when I step in the function | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
# I'm a local boy, I'm from the east side | 0:09:08 | 0:09:09 | |
# Now I'm jet settin, I'm reppin, I'll do it worldwide | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
# When I was a kid there was a rough ride | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
# Barely had the money for a bus ride, now I'm on the upside | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
# Having a ball with all the bredders I grew up with | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
# A couple of women I'm in the club with | 0:09:17 | 0:09:18 | |
# Bottle of bubbly, feeling lovely, women are hugging me | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
# Nobody can tell me nothing and nobody can never trouble me | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
# It's all good, pure positive vibes | 0:09:23 | 0:09:24 | |
# For the most part everybody's just tryna live their lives | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
# We're not afraid to die, only the strong survive | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
# You don't know if you don't try, the stakes are high | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
# And it's the city where I earned my crown | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
# God knows that I love this town | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
# The city lights are extra bright | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
# They shine for us. # | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:09:38 | 0:09:39 | |
There you go. Fucking racists. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Good audition, eh? | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
They want a Chinese prostitute who does martial arts | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
and says shit like, "Herro". | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
All right, sweetheart? | 0:09:57 | 0:09:58 | |
This is my manager, Huang Lo. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
Actually, it's Hung Lo. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
My friends call me Hung, | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
for a large reason. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
You're Chinese, so I doubt it, Hung. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
SHE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
Wait, she's kidding! | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
That's my boss. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:17 | |
What are you wearing, Elizabeth? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
Says the Chinese Jew. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:23 | |
How come you're here? | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
What do you want? | 0:10:27 | 0:10:28 | |
It's my agent. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Stop putting me up for two-cent hookers. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
Hookers only get paid two cents? | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
What? | 0:10:35 | 0:10:36 | |
Oh, OK, OK. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
So, apparently, the director loved my boldness | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
and wants me back for a recall this afternoon. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
You said the audition was racist. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:45 | |
Who cares? I got the recall! | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
Get back to work! | 0:10:47 | 0:10:48 | |
Yes, as a sommelier... | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
..in a fancy restaurant. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Yo! What am I going to do with this? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
DOOR SHUTS | 0:10:57 | 0:10:58 | |
BUBBLE TEA JINGLE PLAYS | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
# Come drink me | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
# I so yummy, yummy tea | 0:11:03 | 0:11:07 | |
# Bubble, bubble. # Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
Fuck, fuck, fuck. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:11 | |
JINGLE CONTINUES PLAYING | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Liz? | 0:11:13 | 0:11:14 | |
Liz? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
-Oh, hi, Olly! -Hi. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
God, fancy seeing you here! | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
And, uh...who's this? | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
Oh, this is Molly. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
Molly! Wow. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
Olly and Molly. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
-Yeah. -That is terrific. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
You're so... | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
-white. -What? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
Oh, I think you... you called me last night. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
What? I did? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
It must have been a butt-dial. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Your butt said, "Fuck you, Olly." | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
Such a rude butt. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
It's an asshole. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:54 | |
So, you're...you're doing this now. That's great. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
Oh, yeah. This thing. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
It's just temporary. It's just... JINGLE STUTTERS | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
It's just... | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
It's a little... It's... | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
Oh, she is just the cutest thing. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Good luck with... | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
SHE SHOUTS | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
# Hey, Fatty Boom Boom Hit me with the Ching-ching | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
# Fat pocket clinking Dollar eye twinkling | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
# Jeez da beats so chunky Me'sa getting funky | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
# Oh-oh oh-oh | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
# Hey, Fatty Boom Boom... # | 0:12:27 | 0:12:28 | |
Jesus! | 0:12:28 | 0:12:29 | |
Hey! | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
What your friend said was BS. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
I don't have a small dick. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Look, I know you want to do your wine and shit. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
But, you know, if we get to know each other a bit better, | 0:12:43 | 0:12:47 | |
then I can get you a 50p raise, | 0:12:47 | 0:12:51 | |
so you can buy more Tesco fine wines. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
My agent said you want me to read for the lead? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Yes. Forget about the Chinese prostitute. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
Here are the sides for the lead. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
She was originally written as a white character, but... | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
Now, remember, your character is a humanitarian | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
trying to stop trafficking. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
She tells people what she thinks, | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
but plays her cards close to her chest. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
She's an introvert, but is fiery and passionate. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:27 | |
Right. I totally got that. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
No-o-o! | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
You do not make sense. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
Your brain's not very strong. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
I'm so sorry. Don't mind her. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:42 | |
Right. Why don't you do the lines? | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
The money these girls make is, like, nine cows | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
and one string of cow hair. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
No! | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
Is there a problem? | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
Yes. These lines are very rubbish. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:05 | |
Who is the writer? | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
I am. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
You are a very bad writer. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
I'm a what? | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Or maybe just because Jackie's a very bad actress. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
Is that why you never get a job? | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
She should not be the lead. Never. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
I'm supposed to be married by now. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
Chinese families are fucked up! | 0:14:30 | 0:14:34 | |
So much pressure on us to be number one at everything. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
I had to learn piano, ballet, | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
kung fu, badminton, | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
weightlifting, violin, | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
goddamn Chinese paper cutting! | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
I still have scars on my fingers! | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
Thanks. Thanks. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
HE SPEAKS CHINESE | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
What he's saying is... | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
You know what? She's your problem now. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:09 | |
Good recall, eh? | 0:15:09 | 0:15:10 | |
Your best friend just cost me the role of a lifetime. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
You're welcome. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:14 | |
I am not thanking you, you twat! | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
You are very welcome, you twat. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Ohhh. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
English pub. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Smell like toilet. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:27 | |
Elizabeth, how was work at your restaurant? | 0:15:27 | 0:15:31 | |
Can I visit sometime? | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
Can we go there for dinner tonight? | 0:15:32 | 0:15:36 | |
ELIZABETH SIGHS | 0:15:36 | 0:15:37 | |
OK. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
I'm not a fucking sommelier. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
Oh, Elizabeth, don't worry. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
Buddha says, | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
"One will not be punished for being a loser." | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
I never said I was a loser. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Chinese girls shouldn't drink. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
This is England. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
This is what people do here. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:00 | |
BOTH: Especially the girls. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
Plus, I've been fired. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
MUSIC: Bom Bom by Sam and the Womp | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
Shots! | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
-Yeah! -Woo! | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots! | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
Hey, mei-meis! | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
You want to play shag, marry, kill? | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
I'll start. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Shag. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:50 | |
Mm...shag. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
Shag. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:54 | |
Kill. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:55 | |
OK, babes. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
I invited him. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:58 | |
Maybe I should just sleep with him to get my job back. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
No, stop being a prostitute. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
I don't know. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:07 | |
You sympathy fucker. There's no way I can touch that thing. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
I don't do Chinese. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:11 | |
What do you mean, do? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
"Do" means "Have sex with". | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
She does not sleep with Chinese people. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
She's racist! | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
Can't control how my body feels. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
It's just, when any of them come close, it's like drylands. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
Drylands, what's drylands? | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
Dry up. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:29 | |
Downstairs. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
Little Jackie dries up. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
Oh, little Jackie, you have a daughter? | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
I got to pee. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:36 | |
Jesus! | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
Hey! Elizabeth. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
Maybe you shouldn't drink any more, | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
otherwise you might find me crazy good-looking, eh? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:53 | |
Eh? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:54 | |
Now, then, you are fired. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
Maybe you should go into wine. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
You're so good at it. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
-Fuck it. -Oh! | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Mm! Mm! | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:18:07 | 0:18:11 | |
Oh, are we doing that? | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
Fuck, yeah. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:14 | |
Cos, you know, I know you're passionate... | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
Shut up. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:19 | |
OK, OK. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:20 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
Stop, stop, stop! | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
You came already? | 0:18:29 | 0:18:30 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
Call me. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Does that mean I can have my job back? | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
I'm always going to be in "Me love you long time" films. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:41 | |
Is that because you're a very bad actress? | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
Me love you long time. You're boobilicious. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:47 | |
Cheer up, boobies! | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
Could I get a grab, too, Lucy Liu? | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Not today. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:55 | |
British culture! | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
-Whoa! -Calm down, sweetheart! | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
Don't go chicken oriental! | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
Do you know how many castings I've been to in the last six months? | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
"Too Chinese!" | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
"Not Chinese enough!" | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
OK, ladies, time to go. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
Let her go! | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
SHE RETCHES | 0:19:35 | 0:19:36 | |
Don't come back. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
# I can be the answer | 0:19:39 | 0:19:40 | |
# I'm ready to dance when the vamp up... # | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
Liz? | 0:19:42 | 0:19:43 | |
Oh. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
# And that I am that young sis the beacon... # | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
Fuck my life. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:49 | |
# I can freak a fit that pump with the peep and | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
# You know what your bitch become when her weave in. # | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
I had such a great night! | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
I'm in love with London. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
Everyone's so friendly. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
Especially the polices! | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
I got my shit job back. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
You're not going to tell my mum, right? | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
Buddha says, | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
"Nobody like a grass." | 0:20:13 | 0:20:16 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:20:18 | 0:20:19 | |
Jackie, Elizabeth? | 0:20:19 | 0:20:20 | |
Hi! | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
Where's the fluffy? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:27 | |
Oh, well, she's at home... | 0:20:27 | 0:20:31 | |
Elizabeth. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:32 | |
I'm not Elizabeth. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:33 | |
I...I don't care. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
Look... | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
tenant. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:38 | |
I... | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
do really need the rent today, | 0:20:40 | 0:20:41 | |
or I am going to have to ask you to leave. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:44 | |
Is that enough? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:50 | |
Well, I mean, I'm sure it is. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
That's what I love about you orientals. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
Cash only. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:57 | |
Sayonara. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:00 | |
You know we'll pay you back, right? | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
It's OK. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:06 | |
I'm very rich. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
OK. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
Anyway, let's do this. I've got a class thing in an hour. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
-EXAGGERATED CHINESE ACCENT: -Handjob for five, | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
blowjob for ten, happy ending guaranteed! | 0:21:18 | 0:21:22 | |
SIGHS | 0:21:22 | 0:21:23 | |
People say the Chinese | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
are taking over the world. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
Maybe not these three, | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
but we're in London to stay. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:29 | |
So get out of the way, bitches! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
# Dancing all through London town | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
# Wearing only dressing gown | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
# Turn this city upside down | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
# Girls, girls, girls | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
# Dancing all through London town | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
# Don't care if you point and frown | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
# We're taking over the world | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
THEY SING IN CHINESE | 0:21:45 | 0:21:52 | |
# Ni hao, can you hear me now? | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
# We came from the Far East. # | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 |
