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LineFromTo

Myles, turn it off and get ready for school -

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I'm not going to tell you again!

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Hi. My name's Kazim Adedayo,

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and I am the founder and co-owner of Speedi-Kazz.

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"What's that?"

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Speedi-Kazz is an errand service that picks up whatever you need

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and delivers it straight to your front door.

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Where are you lot hiding the cameras?

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-PHONE RINGS Sorry what?

-Look, hold on.

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-HE WHISTLES

-Psst, big man. Big man!

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-Where is she, then?

-What?

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Stop being dumb, man! Where's Kazzandra?

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HE IMITATES MOANING

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Look, I haven't got time for your games, yeah?

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So if you and your reality TV show don't get away from my door,

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I'm going to call the mandem down here and...

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Oh, no, no! Look, um... Look.

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I received a message from this address requesting for the service.

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Ahh, this boy! Myles!

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-Why you always shouting my...?

-Shut your mouth and explain this!

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Basically, one of my bredrens told me about

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this new delivery service, Speedi-Kazz, and I thought I'd

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do something nice and get one of your jackets dry cleaned.

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I swear you lot already paid for it.

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Yeah, he's right, madam.

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As you're Speedi-Kazz's fourth customer, on behalf of the company,

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we have already covered the cost of your dry cleaning.

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Erm... OK, well...get yourself ready for school, then, Myles.

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Are you blind? Can't you see I'm going?

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SHE GIGGLES

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All right, then. Well, have a nice day.

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Mum, I don't need a kiss. I'm...

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Stop! All right...!

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HE SPITS

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He thinks I'm his mate.

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Yeah, but I don't know if I'm coming back for third year.

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Yeah, but surely you understand that I don't want to pay

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nine grand for something I might not even be doing.

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Yeah, but I thought the student finance deadline was months away.

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-I...I didn't get the e-mail.

-PHONE RINGS

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Look, I'm going to have to call you back. Yeah.

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Yep, I'll call you back.

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Hi Speedi-Kazz services, Jeremiah speaking.

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What have I told you?

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-What?

-Let the business phone ring out longer. All right?

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-People will think we ain't busy, you know?

-But we aren't.

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But your mum.

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-What you saying?

-You good? How'd the delivery go?

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Yeah, it was calm, man. Proper.

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Our name's getting out there, you know?

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-How are you late, man?

-Oh, just family stuff, innit?

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Brother, you've got to separate family and business, you know?

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-Professionalism, yeah?

-Kaz! I'm sorry.

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I got something for you.

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Read it with an open mind, all right?

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MUSIC: Eko Ile by Fela Kutia

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STALLHOLDER SHOUTS

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Kaz, we're just recording a two-minute video.

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We explain who we are, what the business is about

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and then we're done - we don't need a script, bruv.

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Hey, the deadline for the application is today.

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We need some sort of structure!

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Listen, brother, we smash this application,

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we make it through to the interview stages.

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We make it through to the interview stages,

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we smash that - how much do they give us, J?

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-Nah, you're just going to...

-How much do they give us, J?

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Go on...

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-HE SIGHS

-£50,000.

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# Money, money, money, money! Eh!

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# Money!

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# Money, money, money, money! Eh! #

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Laugh, laugh. Laugh for once in your life.

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Look, just remember, we ain't the only business

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applying for funding, yeah?

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I hear dat, I hear dat, brother.

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Anyway, look man, I've got to bounce.

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-Got a quick Skype meeting to attend to.

-With who?

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-Your mum.

-Of course.

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Meet me at the printing shop for 2:30. All right?

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-We need to hand out some more flyers.

-All right, OK.

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And don't forget your debit card, bro.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why am I bringing my debit card?

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-I asked for 200 extra flyers to be printed out.

-Kaz!

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Bro, bro, bro, I would have got this one, yeah?

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-But, like, all my money's gone.

-So why didn't you ask me first?

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Just use the money from your savings.

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-No, bruv, you should have asked me...

-Hey! Hey!

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Look, five or six years down the line, yeah,

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these investments will be nothing.

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We're just starting out, so chill out. You get me?

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All right?

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All right! You get me!

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-All right. Meet me at 2:30, all right?

-All right.

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Keep it speedy, brother. Cool.

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CALL TONE

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-Hey, Dad!

-Kazo, Kazo! How are you?

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Mo wa OK. Bawo ni tings in Nigeria?

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-HE LAUGHS

-My son can speak Yoruba now?!

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How are things with me? I am fine.

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Kazim, where's your mum?

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She's gone to yoga with Aunt Bola.

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Kazim, can you wire me some money?

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Just for a few investments, you know?

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Erm, Dad, remember? I don't do the kid entertainment stuff any more.

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I'm running Speedi-Kazz full time now.

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What is speed...? Who is speeding, boy?

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No, Speedi-Kazz - the name of my business.

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Ah...

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HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE

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Dad, are you OK?

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Kazim? Just tell your mother to wire £80 into my account, hmm?

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I have to go. I have a few meetings. Just £80, please.

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Yeah. I'll speak to you soon. HANGING UP TONE

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I love you.

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MUSIC: Kontrol by Maleek Berry

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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You all right, brother? You good? This for you. I'll see you soon.

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All right, take care. Hello! Put that...

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Hi. Hi.

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-I recognise you - Andre? Jermaine?

-Kaz...

-Leon?

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-Kaz. Kaz!

-Yeah?

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I don't think we should be standing outside the school gates like this.

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Yeah? It doesn't feel right.

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After today's delivery, yeah, I deeped it. Yeah?

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Young people - that's our targeted audience!

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Hey, hey, all they have to do is put us on Snapchat, all right?

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We go viral - boom!

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Speedi-Kazzy makin' moneyz.

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Yeah, but it still doesn't feel right, bruv.

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Hey, giving birth - would that feel right?

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I wouldn't know.

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I heard it feels like you're taking a poo.

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But it's still got to happen, brother.

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Part of human cycle and all that.

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But that's not the same thing.

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That's what they want you to think.

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-What?!

-What?!

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Excuse me, do you have a girlfriend?

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Um... No.

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You're really peng.

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OK.

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So, what do you do?

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We're entrepreneurs. Yeah? That's what we do. Take this, gyaldem.

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All right? Speedi-Kazz will pick up whatever you need.

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It could be clothes, it could be food, pregnancy tests!

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HE CHUCKLES I won't tell your mum! Yeah...

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-Yeah?

-So is this your number, yeah?

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It's the business number. Yeah? You're going to call.

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You're going to call, aren't you? Go on. I'll hear from you later.

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Bye, peng ting!

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Keep it Speedi.

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-Keep it Speedi, yeah?

-What's wrong with you?

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Brother... Brother...

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Bro...you know what I clocked, yeah?

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Hot wings are actually not hot.

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They're just warm.

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Doesn't... Doesn't make sense, to be honest.

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-Why would you do that?

-Come now, bad man.

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What happened to you earlier, man, with dem girls?

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You should have got them to use the service, bro.

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You were just standing there like "Err...".

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Look, I don't like girls that compliment me like that, all right?

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-It weirds me out.

-Shut up. You're a liar. OK?

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Cos in college you was always with a girl.

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Yeah, but I didn't do nothing.

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They just come up to me, put their number in my phone,

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the next thing you know it's like,

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"Oh, will you come over tonight? Dot, dot, dot, dot..."

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I just want a girl for me. You know what I'm saying?

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I just want her to want me for me and not just...for my body.

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Yeah, yeah... Yeah, yeah, defo relate. Defo, man.

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I relate, like...

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# I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

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# I need a girl to make my wife

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# I need a girl who's...# HE MUMBLES

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Yeah something like that.

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Sorry... We wanted to inquire about, um...

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S-Speedi-Kazz.

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Come, come! "Targeted audience."

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All right, what can I get you lot?

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If we, erm, if we make an order, will Kazzandra, er...

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actually be there? And then will she, erm...

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..will she do...stuff?

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Who's Kazzandra?

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We're good, yeah?

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-MAN ON PHONE:

-Welcome to Speedi-Kazz.

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That's our name...

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Kazzandra, 12 guys today, 12 minutes - can you do it?

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-WOMAN ON PHONE:

-Don't ask silly questions, Jaime!

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International. Guy number one, take your place. Time starts now.

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PANTING AND MOANING Oh!

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No, no, no, what's this? Oh, nah, man.

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-HE SCREAMS VIOLENTLY

-Ka...

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I can't... That's our name, bruv!

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-Who sent you that video, brother? Brother...

-Kaz...

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..come, come, where you get the video from?

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Yo, yo, it's fine.

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You registered the name, yeah?

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So it's calm, we'll sort it. Yeah?

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-Yeah, yeah, yeah...

-Relax, man.

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KAZ BREATHES DEEPLY

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You registered our name, right?

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Yes.

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You registered our name, right?

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# I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

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-# I need a girl to make my wife... #

-Oh, come on!

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All right, real safe, yeah? In a bit. Cool.

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All right, good news.

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My boy Raz told me about this lawyer, yeah?

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He said that's she buss 82% of mandem on ends, yeah?

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She's the one for us, let's go.

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All right, so how much does she cost an hour?

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Yeah.

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How much does she cost an hour, Kaz?

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-£90.

-No, bruv! We can't afford that! What's wrong with you?

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-Hey, hey, hey...

-Why you do this to me, bruv?!

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Brother, brother, just trust me, all right? Yeah?

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The number one rule to a successful business - trust.

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I know what I'm doing. This lawyer's what we need.

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Stop crying, yeah?

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It's hay fever, fam.

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Come man, let's roll, let's roll. Come on.

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Fix up your face, man. Come on... Hey, J, hey.

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# Fix up, look sharp!

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# Gonna...yeah... Get dark! #

0:11:290:11:31

If you knew the song, that joke would've banged.

0:11:340:11:36

-I know the song.

-Who sang it?

0:11:360:11:38

-Tinchy.

-Yeah, sure...

0:11:380:11:39

No, no! Skepta obviously.

0:11:390:11:42

-Now you're just being racist.

-How is that...?

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That's you confusing me, you know? I know Kano sung the song!

0:11:440:11:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Anyone for Uber?

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No Uber?

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OK. Fine.

0:12:050:12:08

-Speedi-Kazz?

-Hey! Let's go, come on.

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-Now, listen you call me when you get there, OK?

-Yes, I will.

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And can you take some photos - I'd like to know what she looks like.

0:12:160:12:18

Mum, you're both moving on, remember? That's what we agreed.

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-I'll tell Dad you said hi.

-Thank you.

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Sorry, I just need to get my coat.

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Oh...

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Thanks.

0:12:300:12:31

You've got a really nice face.

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Hey, hey. HE WHISTLES

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Speedi-Kazz - name of our new business.

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We're entrepreneurs.

0:12:410:12:42

-Oh, cool, thanks.

-You're welcome.

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-Bye, Mum.

-Bye, darling.

0:12:450:12:47

-Right...

-Focus. Come on, man.

0:12:490:12:50

..before we start, I have to ask...

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..have either of you ever been to jail,

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or are you currently on the run?

0:12:560:12:59

No.

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No.

0:13:020:13:03

Great.

0:13:050:13:06

So, it would appear you gentlemen forgot to register your trademark?

0:13:090:13:13

-COUGHS:

-Kazim!

-COUGHS: Your mum.

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I've got to be honest with you -

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it would be entirely pointless to raise any kind of legal action

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against a porn site for using a name that you haven't even registered.

0:13:190:13:23

That's exactly what I told him,

0:13:230:13:24

so no offence, but this is a waste of time and money, so...

0:13:240:13:27

HE WHISTLES Please proceed.

0:13:270:13:29

So this is Jaime...Tulu-lopp-eh?

0:13:290:13:34

Too... Tolu-lop... Tolu-lopp-eh?

0:13:340:13:39

Yes? Yes. He created the site Jaime's Den two years ago.

0:13:390:13:45

And I had a chance to watch the video you sent me.

0:13:450:13:48

That Kazzandra woman is something else.

0:13:480:13:50

Horrifying. Yeah.

0:13:500:13:53

Hey, sorry...um...

0:13:530:13:55

just haven't got a lot of time left, so can we just... Yeah?

0:13:550:13:58

Let's talk about our name.

0:13:580:13:59

-Well, you've got two options, darling.

-Go on.

0:13:590:14:02

Option one - change your name.

0:14:020:14:03

Not happening. Option two?

0:14:030:14:05

You could try and arrange a meeting with Jaime's team,

0:14:050:14:08

but to be honest, I think you're just wasting your time.

0:14:080:14:11

You're better off just changing your name.

0:14:110:14:13

Kaz, it's over.

0:14:130:14:14

SHE SIGHS

0:14:160:14:17

Look, when did you launch your business?

0:14:170:14:19

-Officially - three weeks ago.

-SHE CHUCKLES

0:14:190:14:20

Well, you're fine, then! Just change your name...

0:14:200:14:23

No, it's our name! I'm not having it, man!

0:14:230:14:26

No shouting in my office, please.

0:14:260:14:28

What office? This place is a shack, all right?

0:14:280:14:31

I find that very disrespectful.

0:14:310:14:34

OK, OK, time out, Don't do... No...

0:14:340:14:37

Listen, listen, yeah? It's over.

0:14:370:14:40

Let's just change the name. Yeah?

0:14:400:14:43

So many businesses don't end up with the name they start with...

0:14:430:14:45

Brother, look, look, look, we aren't "so many businesses", all right?

0:14:450:14:48

We're Speedi-Kazz, yeah?

0:14:480:14:50

Kaz, let's just change the name and keep it moving.

0:14:500:14:53

We've still got to record this video, yeah? So come on!

0:14:530:14:56

-What you doing?

-No, no. Wait. You wait.

0:14:590:15:01

Ka... Oh!

0:15:020:15:03

Yeah. Yeah? You see this, brother?

0:15:050:15:08

This is my life. All right?

0:15:080:15:10

I'm not sure about you, but I'm serious about this business.

0:15:100:15:12

I've come too far to just let it go. We can't allow this Jaime guy

0:15:120:15:16

to come and just take our name like that.

0:15:160:15:17

No, let's fight back, all right?

0:15:170:15:19

Come on, let's go to his offices today, yeah?

0:15:190:15:21

-We're going to go and see Jaime.

-Good luck, lads.

0:15:250:15:27

Just make sure you leave the money in the pot before you go.

0:15:270:15:30

-PHONE VIBRATES

-Oh, excuse me.

0:15:300:15:32

What do you want, Frank?

0:15:320:15:34

I don't care what the judge said.

0:15:340:15:36

Yeah, well, you're fat.

0:15:360:15:37

You lot brothers, yeah?

0:15:400:15:42

Nah, nah, we're business partners.

0:15:420:15:44

I had a business once...

0:15:460:15:47

The mandem snaked me!

0:15:480:15:50

Threw me under the bus.

0:15:500:15:52

Watch out for the snakes in the grass, you man, yeah?

0:15:530:15:56

Got to be like a lawnmower.

0:15:570:16:00

HE IMITATES LAWNMOWER

0:16:000:16:02

Allow.

0:16:150:16:16

Good luck with the business, you man, yeah?

0:16:180:16:20

Hey, when you go outside,

0:16:210:16:24

if you see Abdullah,

0:16:240:16:27

tell him I said...

0:16:270:16:28

Hmm?

0:16:310:16:32

R'N'B MUSIC PLAYS

0:16:340:16:38

Too much swag, too much juice.

0:17:000:17:03

We in France, we getting loose.

0:17:030:17:06

Bars, bars, bars! Yeah, I like that! Skills.

0:17:060:17:09

Yeah, I made this one a couple months ago.

0:17:110:17:15

International.

0:17:150:17:17

-It's really good, man. Really, really good.

-Mm.

0:17:170:17:20

Anyway, tell me a little bit more about yourselves.

0:17:200:17:23

So, I started in the business alone at first.

0:17:230:17:26

Then I met Jerry at a party and we just...

0:17:260:17:28

Do you know how to twerk?

0:17:280:17:29

No.

0:17:310:17:32

No problem.

0:17:350:17:36

Anyway, was it weird, working so close together at first?

0:17:360:17:40

Um...kind of.

0:17:400:17:43

But we just got used to it in the end, I guess, right?

0:17:430:17:46

Sorry, he's not normally like this.

0:17:480:17:51

So, Jaime, the reason why we're here is to talk about our business name.

0:17:510:17:54

-It looks like we...

-Call yourselves what you like.

0:17:540:17:57

I don't care about that.

0:17:570:17:59

What I care about is how I can make you guys stars in the business.

0:17:590:18:04

So you mean...we get to keep our name?

0:18:050:18:08

I don't see why not.

0:18:080:18:10

The industry cares about you - not about your business name.

0:18:100:18:14

Exactly! You have made my day, you know, brother!

0:18:140:18:17

Thank you so much. I appreciate it, man.

0:18:170:18:20

You good? You all right? Thank you, man.

0:18:200:18:22

Let's celebrate.

0:18:230:18:25

Ah, this guy!

0:18:400:18:42

Thank you.

0:18:440:18:45

Cheers.

0:18:510:18:52

-Cheers. Keep it Speedi!

-That's right!

0:18:520:18:55

-International!

-Inter-na-tion-al!

0:18:550:18:59

Mm!

0:18:590:19:00

So...you guys all chill, right?

0:19:020:19:06

Yeah, man, cool.

0:19:060:19:07

I can't get you anything else?

0:19:080:19:10

-Um...nah.

-Contracts...

-Yeah, we're cool.

0:19:100:19:13

Jaime, I guess all we need to do is just go through the contracts,

0:19:130:19:16

paperwork, then we'll just bounce...

0:19:160:19:18

Don't worry about that. We can... We'll deal with that later.

0:19:180:19:21

Kazim, right?

0:19:210:19:23

Kazim...

0:19:230:19:24

Why don't you touch Jeremiah a little bit?

0:19:260:19:29

CAMCORDER BEEPS

0:19:300:19:31

Just... Yeah.

0:19:320:19:34

OK... Come on.

0:19:360:19:37

Smile, bro.

0:19:400:19:41

Speedi-Kazz - we outchere!

0:19:410:19:44

Get off me.

0:19:440:19:45

He thinks we're in the porn business, Kazim.

0:19:470:19:49

-Bro, what's wrong with you?

-Look at that corner of the room.

0:19:490:19:52

-Huh?

-Just look!

0:19:520:19:53

Hey. Come on, guys...

0:19:550:19:58

No... No, no, no!

0:19:590:20:01

No, no. Sorry, no. No, no, stop, please. No. No.

0:20:010:20:04

I don't understand.

0:20:040:20:05

No, no, Jaime...

0:20:050:20:07

..we're not here to do sex stuff.

0:20:080:20:09

Then why are you here?

0:20:120:20:13

Because our business name is called Speedi-Kazz,

0:20:150:20:17

and that's the name of one of your channels,

0:20:170:20:19

-so we wanted to ask you if we could have...

-No, thank you.

0:20:190:20:23

Please leave.

0:20:230:20:24

Garry! Hey.

0:20:260:20:28

Yeah, send the next couple.

0:20:280:20:30

-Jaime, Jaime. Jaime, look! Show him.

-Huh?

-Show him.

0:20:300:20:34

What? Show. Him.

0:20:340:20:36

Oh! Oh! OK.

0:20:360:20:37

-You're mad.

-Yes. Absolutely.

0:20:450:20:47

Look, Jaime, clearly getting a permanent tattoo before

0:20:470:20:51

registering our name wasn't the best idea, but...this is his dream.

0:20:510:20:55

-It's my dream, man.

-It's...

0:20:550:20:57

It's our dream. And, look, it's just us, OK?

0:20:570:21:03

No support, not from our family, not from our parents.

0:21:030:21:06

My parents did the same.

0:21:060:21:08

They refused to let me record them having sex for my website.

0:21:080:21:11

No support.

0:21:130:21:14

OK! Look, Jaime, all we're asking, yeah, is, could you please

0:21:160:21:21

change the name of your Speedi-Kazz channel on the site?

0:21:210:21:24

Just give us the rights and then we'll go, you never have to...

0:21:240:21:27

Boy-boy-girl, I think. Hi, Jaime, can I have a word outside?

0:21:270:21:31

No problem.

0:21:310:21:33

I've got work to do. You've got to go.

0:21:330:21:36

-Jaime...

-Please. Please.

0:21:360:21:38

Please, please. Please.

0:21:380:21:39

-What do you mean "no"?

-Jaime, calm down.

0:21:420:21:45

No! I will not calm down!

0:21:450:21:47

You can't come here and tell me Kazzandra is about to be deported

0:21:470:21:50

and expect me to be calm.

0:21:500:21:52

-Didn't the lawyers sort out her papers?

-Yes!

0:21:540:21:56

I mean, they tried but...

0:21:560:21:58

Maybe we can go to the Home Office and give them a little...

0:21:580:22:00

How about that?

0:22:000:22:02

This is England, not Senegal, Jaime.

0:22:030:22:05

Look, boys...

0:22:140:22:17

..with business I need to crack on.

0:22:170:22:19

So, as Simon's cow would say, "It's a no from me."

0:22:210:22:24

-Please....

-Don't beg, don't cry...

0:22:240:22:28

..just leave.

0:22:280:22:29

However...

0:22:390:22:41

..if you do me a small, small favours,

0:22:440:22:48

I will personally sign over the name Speedi-Kazz to you.

0:22:480:22:53

No. No. Kaz, he's lying. Yeah? Come on.

0:22:530:22:56

I've got the documents right here.

0:22:560:22:59

Just a small, small favours.

0:22:590:23:01

Your call.

0:23:050:23:06

MUSIC: For The Love Of Money by The O'Jays

0:23:060:23:08

We good? All right, recording.

0:23:160:23:19

-Ready, bro?

-Don't touch me.

-Sorry, sorry.

0:23:190:23:21

-Hi!

-Hi.

-My name is Kazim Adedayo.

-Jeremiah.

0:23:210:23:25

-And we are, together, Speedi-Kazz.

-S-Speedi-Kazz.

0:23:250:23:28

Who we are - first of all, our name belongs to us and no-one else,

0:23:280:23:31

if anyone is wondering.

0:23:310:23:32

Judges, we want this £50,000 because we believe we deserve it.

0:23:320:23:35

-I can't do this.

-And when we go to...

0:23:350:23:36

-Jerry sit down.

-I can't do it.

-Jerry sit down.

0:23:360:23:38

-We worked very hard for this.

-Why's your bed like that, bruv?

0:23:380:23:41

Hey, judges, as you're watching... Just sit down.

0:23:410:23:43

Bro, come on, man, you don't need to do this right now.

0:23:430:23:45

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