Episode 12 Angry Boys

This programme contains very strong language.

Yeah, it's weird. Like, I had this idea of shit that's going to happen,

and it's going to be, like, all good, an' that,

and then...

like, it doesn't happen.

If you think about it, it's kinda weird that

I actually thought that they were going to come to Dunt.

And Mum and Steve kept telling me they weren't going to come.

I didn't believe them.

Yeah, it's shit when adults are right and kids are wrong.

It's fucking heavy!

-Well, fucking get Nathan.

-We're stuck.

-Oi, Nathan!

'Nate's going to deaf school tomorrow. He's fully deaf now, so he's got to go.'

Someone wave their hands in front of Nathan and get him to help us!

Have you got another lettuce there?

Cos I think we'll churn through those two.

Nathan, get out here!

Nathan? Nathan! Daniel wants you to go and help him out with the bunks.

Yes.

'And we're going to be moving my gran

'into Jamie and Tyson's bedroom.'

Yeah, good one(!)

So this'll be a three-boy room, and Gran's going to get her own room,

cos when you're an old lady you kinda need your own room.

Two, four, six, eight, ten...

'It's fun having Gran here, though, just having her round the house,

'cos I get along with her heaps.

'I thought she was going to be heaps more sick, right?

'I thought she'd be...'

kinda dribbling and, erm...

shaking and stuff.

'But she's all right so far.'

We should keep that covered. The flies are getting in.

'I've been settling in quite well, yes.'

The family thought I was going to be

much more of an invalid than I actually am.

I'm, er, I'm forgetful, but I'm certainly no invalid.

'Kerry's been great. She's been fantastic. No tension there.'

Are those Jamie's cargoes there?

'And I've got along quite well with Steve, too, her new husband.

'He's a lovely bloke.'

Get it round the other side of the ute.

'So, all in all, so far so good.'

No, it's nice. I've put photos up.

'When you are lost,'

family is where you turn, and this is my family.

This is all the family I've got.

And, er...

it's... I feel like I'm in a safe place.

So, how are you?

'Well, Daniel's hooked me up with the computer,

so I've been keeping in touch with Garingal.'

He's loving the country.

Daniel said he'd build a run for him out the back, so that's good.

'Penny and I are very close.'

So...

Not an easy separation, that one.

So I like to, y'know...

..chat with her as much as I can.

Hello! Hello, Penny!

'I do feel terrible about Daniel's party plans for Nathan

and forgetting to invite those special guests.'

Get on the end of that.

'Daniel's trying not to make me feel guilty.'

But I do feel quite responsible.

It's not a good situation there at all.

That'll blow out.

'We're still going ahead with Nathan's farewell party.'

Just doing it this arvo, y'know, with me mates, keeping it low-key.

'Mum's invited the Lovells, our neighbours, over,

'just people that know Nath

'and care about him.

'Nath's been such a little shit lately, though.'

He's been naughtier than ever before just cos he knows he's going.

'He's been a dickhead to me.'

Just come over here.

-Stand there.

-Why's he want a fucking photo of me?

For deaf school. Let me take the photo. Go back further.

-It's fucking weird.

-There!

-'He's showing off heaps for Gran.'

-Ready?

You fucking little faggot!

I got it on the camera!

Fucking arsehole! You fucking dirty faggot!

Piss funny! Piss funny!

-He's just having fun.

-You try getting pissed on!

I got it on camera!

Piss funny!

'Well, he's out there in the big ol' world again, he's on his own.'

Go down here.

'Has Shwayne learned his lesson after being in jail?'

'I don't think that Shwayne has the ability to learn.'

I was talking to Clarice,

and we were talking about the fact that Shwayne may be retarded...

and we just didn't get the tests.

Life on the outside, y'know, is cool.

It's different to how I remember it, though.

-That's cos you ain't as famous any more, nigga.

-Shut the fuck up.

D'you know what? We finished my new track, Squashed Nigga.

We finished all that up. Full production on that.

-We got that... Where's that CD? You got that CD?

-Uh-huh.

Rockin' it with my glasses.

And we got this shit out to the radio stations,

to the record companies.

We got, y'know, we got no bites yet, but...

it's a new sound, it's a new song,

and I firmly believe it's going to take a while

for that shit to...

to get into the brains of the people, y'know what I'm saying?

# Squashed nigga, squashed nigga... #

'Am I happy to have said goodbye to S.mouse? Yeah.

'I'm happy about that.'

He is over. He is gone. There ain't no more S.mouse.

Y'know? He is a memory in my head,

because I'm moving on from that shit.

'Y'know? I don't miss being him. You want to know why?

'Because that's not who I am. I'm Shwayne Junior.

'Being adored by fans, having people, y'know, hysterical

'and chasing you round the shopping malls,

'all that shit, I don't miss that. No way!

'If you don't recognise me'

cos I'm being me, then that's fine by me. Y'know what I'm saying?

-Pull over here.

-There?

'I'm very much willing to put the past in the past

'and focus on the future.'

Wind the window down. See if they recognise me.

Yeah, here they come.

He knows me. He knows me.

No, no, no, no.

What the fuck?

'Cos I am a creative being, y'know what I'm saying?'

I got to create shit,

no matter what goes down, no matter who kicks me in the ass

and says, "Your shit is shit." Y'know?

I turn round to them and I say, "I'm going to create shit forever."

'I got so much going on I don't know where to start.'

So, what you want to do now, nigga?

I don't know.

'I don't think I've ever had a more eventful month in my life.

'It's been unreal. So much shit's happened.'

I had my court case over the Packo shooting.

Lucky for me Packo told the truth,

said I wasn't there, so I ended up getting off.

Yeah, Ashleigh's got nailed for that, so he's gone back inside.

Straight after the court case, I decided to go for my surgery.

So yeah, I had my artificial-balls operation. Got my balls again!

It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

And the results are amazing. Looks pretty realistic, don't you reckon?

-My balls?

-Yeah, they're totally realistic, yeah.

-Yeah!

'I don't know, I feel like I've got this new confidence.'

I think I just love having balls again.

'I've restarted the Fat Boys Surf School.

'I worked out that if I got the Mucca Mad Boys involved as instructors,

then it was going to be way easier.'

How you boys going?

'Yeah, so I've got a ratio of two Mad Boys'

to each Fat Boy, so yeah, it's been going unreal so far.

-Here comes a big one.

-Waiting for that tide to come in.

'It's good for the town, too -

'it's keeping the Mad Boys off the streets,

'keeping them busy, giving them a purpose,

'stopping them from scaring the tourists off.'

Yay, guys!

'But the biggest news is Kareena's back,

'and she's had a baby!'

Go slow, you two.

'We had our ups and down and downs leading up to the birth of Tyrone,

'y'know, a lot of arguments.'

I put it down to hormones,

cos apparently, in the last trimester,

the chicks go a little bit weird.

Here he is, little Tyrone!

Say hi to the cameras, little fella.

-He's cute, isn't he?

-Little man!

-Yeah, Tyrone.

We were going to call him Blake, but I thought that might be a bit lovo,

mini-Blake.

So we went with Tyrone. It's so good, though. I highly recommend it.

If you ever get the chance to have a baby, have one.

-It's awesome.

-It's really changed him. Like, he's been really...

We had a really good chat

about Blake pulling back on his gang commitments

and just focus on being a good dad.

Like me and Hunter was saying,

when Tyrone grows up - well, not even when he grows up, NOW -

he's got instant membership into Mucca Mad Boys.

-Even if he's a shit surfer, he's in.

-He's in, no matter what.

Yeah, we'll get him the tattoo when he's about ten or something.

-What? Only when he's about 18.

-No, ten. Like, it doesn't hurt.

-Doesn't hurt.

-Are you serious?

-You want a tattoo?

-You want a tattoo, do you?

-No, Blake.

All I'm saying is that you'll run out of money eventually.

-No, I'm not.

-You can't sustain this lifestyle, man.

You got to get you a real job.

I don't need no real job.

You said you liked my new track, anyway. Why you lose faith in me?

Look, you are not getting it.

-Your fans have deserted you, man.

-Tch!

I mean, look, I'm not trying to be harsh or nothing,

-but nobody likes your ass no more.

-No-one likes YOUR ass, motherfucker!

You got no friends.

That's why you're here sitting on my steps,

-cos you got no friends.

-Shut up, boy.

-Everyone likes me.

-Listen to me, Son. I've been studying this.

-Bobby McFerrin - you remember, Don't Worry Be Happy?

-No.

He's a IT consultant in Seattle right now.

-Bullshit.

-And the little short girl on Family Ties,

she's working the streets.

-That's all I'm saying.

-You're making shit up.

-OK...

OK, I made that shit up. But this shit is true! This is true, man.

People who used to be famous, they have to get themselves a real job.

I ain't going to be one of those people!

-That's what you don't understand.

-Shwayne, get a real job.

Get a real job. Let me help you get a real job.

Get a real friend!

Get someone your own age to hang out with

instead of hanging out with me and Danthony, y'know?

-Go home!

-I'm not hanging out with you.

-I don't want to hang out with you.

-Why you here, then?

What's wrong with you? Ain't you got no respect? I took care of your ass.

I respect you, motherfucker.

I respect you more when you back your car out of my driveway and go home.

Tim is much happier these days. We left Japan.

He bought his very own place back in Santa Barbara.

And, um, the great thing is that now he's back with all his old friend.

He really come a long way.

He's 16, and he's very own man now.

You go down, and you come back, and you flip it.

'The great thing is, being his manager

'has been an amazing experience for me.'

I'm very happy, and I think Tim is happy too.

-You want me to organise you a minivan?

-Yeah!

-OK!

-Thanks, Bruce!

-Yes!

'Everything's been great since I moved back here in Santa Barbara.

I've gotten new management. I'm back into skating'

more competitively now.

I've actually been skating more than I ever did in Japan, too.

'Me and Amaya are doing well.

'We're going to have a long-distance relationship.

'Her parents are letting her stay with me during school breaks.

'My mom's back here too.'

Um, we don't really see each other much.

She's pretty pissed off about the whole firing thing.

I bought her a house here, so I think she's doing fine.

My life has been turned upside down.

The lawyers got involved, and Tim has really fucked me up big time.

They claim that Tim is the one who get all the money,

so until we sort that out, I'm pretty much stuffed.

'Tim has bought us a family home in Santa Barbara,

'but let me tell you, this house is shit.'

Is not big enough to swing a dog's dick.

It's got four bedroom upstairs. Look at this living room.

Is not exactly living it up.

Get off the floor, please. The floor is not for sitting on!

Take the dog to do a shit.

'Well, we had a lot of excess Gay Style stock left over,

'but I've found it quite useful for decorating round the new house.'

The cock cushions just as scatter cushion, erm, like so.

We have, erm, just a cock box here where I put my remote.

Oh, and I have my lychee lickable runners. So, that's what I wear.

They're comfy for around the house, too!

'I had to sack my housekeeper, Cho,

'so now I have to take on full duties of housekeeper and home mum.'

Sit up straight, please.

'And I have to tell you,

'being a household mum is shit.

'You have to constantly look after your children.'

Drink for you.

'Cindy is a very difficult child.

'She cause a lot of trouble for me. Very naughty.'

'I give Tim everything. I give him money, success, a future.'

And what does he give me in return? A shit house in the suburbs.

Thank you very much, Tim(!)

'Luckily, my second son, Luke, is doing very well.

'I still home-schooling him so he can focus on his golf practice.'

You have to try hard if you want to be Tiger Woods.

'He wants to go pro one day, so I am doing my best to encourage that,

'and we see how we go.'

Look! Look what we got today!

'The role of a mother is a very, very hard one.

'I've learned that.

'You have to do your very best for your children.

'You have to devote your life to them.'

Hold the balls.

'I'm not perfect. No-one's perfect.'

I'm just a mother trying to do my very best.

And if you don't like that, then...that's not my fault.

Jump in.

'Me and Nath, we're going into town for final farewells.

'As a special treat, I'm letting Nath drive.

'We've been training up around the farm. He's getting pretty good.

'If we do get busted, then I'm going to tell the cops

that I'm Nath and he's Daniel, cos we look the same,

so they won't be able to tell. It won't stand up in court.

You want to do mainies for a while?

It's the last time you're going to see Dunt, mate.

Should say goodbye to Chloe.

HORN TOOTS

See you, Nathan!

What the fuck did you do that for?

Fucking knob.

She's hot!

'We're going to do the traditional shit, do all the stuff Nath loves

'just for one last time...'

YEAH!

'..visit the places Nath likes...'

Hurry up!

'..just do all the stuff that you can do in Dunt.

'Probably go to the tree where Dad died.

'Me and Nath go there a fair bit. It's weird and a little bit gay,

'but, like, I talk to Dad at the tree sometimes.

'It's just a secret thing that we do.

'Sometimes we don't even tell Mum.

Uh, g'day, Dad. Just, um, wanted to bring Nath over.

Yeah, he's leaving in the morning, and Steve's driving him,

so just wanted to bring him over to say see ya an' that.

Um...

Oh, we had this farewell party planned for him,

and we invited all these legends.

You'd have loved it. We had Blake Oakfield, your favourite surfer.

We had these other blokes - you wouldn't know them -

a rapper and a skater.

They were all going to come, right?

But Gran, your mum, she forgot to invite them,

so...they're not coming.

It's still going to be good, cos the Lovells are coming

and my mates and...

Yeah, it'll be good.

Um, Dad, seeing, like, y'know how...

I said that me and Nath...

were going to run the farm, an' that, like...

when we left school, just get it all successful and shit?

Now Nath's going to deaf school, it doesn't look like we can do that.

But I was thinking, like...

..we're not really, like, men yet, we're sort of still a bit like kids,

so when Nath comes back in, like, two years,

we'll be more like men that'll be, like, stronger and just...

know more shit, an' that,

so that's when we'll do it.

We'll definitely do it.

We'll get it all up and running and successful and...

and do all the shit we promised, so...you don't have to worry.

Erm...

Yeah, that's it. So...

Nath wants to, um, have a word,

and he's got a photo that he wants to leave with you

so you don't forget him while he's gone. So...cool. See ya.

Oi, Nathan! Not there, dickhead!

Get in the car.

Fuck's sake!

Hey, nigga, after you've finished vacuuming my car,

I'm going to get you to polish my balls.

You can shut the fuck up, man.

I wouldn't let you do that even if you wanted to, nigga.

How'd you like to be locked in?

You locked in there?

What's happened here? Is it some kind of malfunction with the door there?

-Open the fucking door, man!

-What's going on? Can't get out?

You know what? I'll let you out of there

if you rap my biggest-selling...

my second-biggest-selling single in the United States. Rap that.

-Then I'll let you out.

-# You at the animal zoo... #

I can't believe you did that shit, motherfucker.

You still do that shit, motherfucker?

-You crying? Are you crying?

-You can do the rest yourself.

There's no need to cry about that, motherfucker!

Don't fucking do that shit. Don't fucking hit me with that shit.

Don't fucking do that. You want to fucking...

Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.

RADIO: '..is actually S.mouse. All right? That's his real name.

-Nigga!

-'Now he's got this new song.

'You let me know what you think.

'Crazy record. I hear new records all the time.'

-They're talking about the track.

-'Let me know what you think about this.'

'This is new music from Shwayne Junior.

Motherfuck!

# What's really me? Yeah What do I want to be?... #

I fucking told you! I fucking told you! I told you!

-Motherfucker, they playing your song!

-Yeah, yeah!

Yeah! I said that. They got my fucking demo. Motherfuck!

# Then a truck smashed through his door, brother

# No, nigga, it's true... #

I'm going to be rich, Dad! I'm going to be fucking rich!

A recording motherfucking artist!

# Squashed nigga, squashed nigga

# I feel like a squashed nigga

# Squashed nigga... #

'The Fat Boys Surf School, it's going off. I'm stoked with the progress.

'Yeah, we've had way less broken boards,

'and we're getting a few of the young blokes up and standing.'

APPLAUSE

Well done, mate!

Standing! Did you see him surfing?

'It's good to do something for the community, to be giving back.'

Who would've thought?

I've decided recently to give surfing a go again.

'I'm going to come out of retirement and, er, make a comeback.

'I've agreed to do the Billabong Legends of Surfing tour.

'So yeah, I've been in training for that.'

There goes my dad!

I think it's the new balls.

I think my new balls have given me a sort of confidence.

Oi, Packo's up there.

He must have heard.

What a dickhead.

'Today's a big day, actually,

'cos I've decided that I'm going to surf Blakey's.

'It's probably the first time in about ten years I've done that.'

All right, boys, let's go!

Oi, Packo! This'll teach you for shooting my balls off! I'm back!

'I'm shitting myself a little bit,

'but it's going to be good to reclaim it.'

-Mucca-Mucca-Mucca!

-Oi-oi-oi!

-Mucca-Mucca-Mucca!

-Oi-oi-oi!

-Mucca!

-Oi!

-Mucca!

-Oi!

-Mucca-Mucca-Mucca!

-Oi-oi-oi!

Daniel, the Lovells just called.

They're not going to be able to make it to the party, so it's just us.

-Did you hear what I said, Daniel?

-Yeah.

Grub's up, fellas. Chips and sambos.

Did you want to chuck this on the fire, man?

Yeah, might as well burn it.

'Er, Steve and Nathan are leaving first thing in the morning

'to go to Adelaide, getting up real early, an' that.

'I don't know if I can be fucked getting up for it.'

I just hate the big, gay farewell shit, an' that.

So probably won't get up.

It's going to be weird not having Nathan round, though.

Like, I'm not going to miss him, but...it's just going to be weird.

Oi, Nathan!

Get over here! We're all here for you, you dickhead.

-Oh, it'd be nice to get a photo of the boys.

-Yes, like a group shot.

-Yeah.

-Yes, that's a good idea.

Oh, it's lovely out here.

Penny would have loved it.

-Is that your mate from jail?

-Mm. Yeah, she loved the country.

Well, perhaps you should ask her to come out and visit.

That'd be lovely, Kerry, thanks for that.

'It would have been good if the legends did come, but...

'It's still good, like,

'having my mates and friends and family and shit around.

-Boys, are you going to light that fire or what?

-Yeah. You got the firelighters?

-I don't know where they are, man.

-They're in the back of Steve's car.

Oi, Nathan!

Nath! Go and get the firelighters out of the back of Steve's ute.

'But having those blokes here - Blake, Tim, S.mouse -

'that would have been legendary. It would have been an awesome send-off for Nathan.

'Yeah, Nath would have remembered that forever.'

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