Episode 3 Angry Boys

It's official that Nath's going to deaf school in three months,

and he's gonna be gone for two years.

So I was thinking we could have, like, a massive farewell party in the backyard.

-Like, the biggest party we've ever had.

-Nathan!

I was talking to Nath about it and I was going, like,

if you could invite any guests in the world to your farewell party,

who would you invite?

He goes, the legends - Blake, Smouse and Emily.

And, like, you were there. Like, at first I was like, get fucked, cos I thought,

I dunno, it's a bit weird having people you don't know.

But it's the legends. Like, it'd actually be fuckin' cool.

It'd be really fun havin' 'em there.

What about Emily Chase? Think she'll fit in?

Yeah, like she'd go to heaps of parties and that.

She'll be really fun, I reckon.

Oh, yeah, it's gonna be sick as, man.

-Smouse is like one of the top, man. I mean...

-Yeah, singing with Smouse too.

-He'll teach us raps and shit.

-Yeah, like do some freestyle shit.

Like, if Nath has lost his humour, get him right up next to the speakers and that,

-so he just really feels it.

-For sure.

-Oh, Nath, you're gonna go nuts.

-Fucking wicked.

Nath, Smouse. When Smouse is performing at your party, man.

You're gonna go fuckin' mental. I reckon Blake Oakfield, right?

We'll go down the dam, get him to do some surfing and that for us.

-He is such a mad surfer.

-Oh, fuck, man. Legendary.

-Oh, yeah.

And Emily, mate, just...whatever. Just fuck, whatever she wants to do.

If she wants to get with Nath or something, you know. If she wants to get on with me,

fine, like as gratitude for the invitation and that, I'm up for that.

I'm getting my gran to help out with the invitations and that.

Well, it sounds like a wonderful idea. I'll get on to those managers and email them then.

-She's gonna contact all the legends and, like, their managers and shit.

-All right, Daniel.

Daniel, really, it's a nice idea but, really, it's a bit far fetched.

-Do you really think it's likely?

-I don't give a shit what you think. I'm inviting them anyway.

Why don't we just have a family get together

and we can have a few friends over.

Having friends over? I wanna make it good. I wanna make it memorable.

Do you think these Hollywood celebrities are going to come to Dunt, do you?

-Why would they?

-Who asked you, dickhead? I'm fuckin' inviting them.

I don't give a shit what you two think.

We're a town of about 2,300 people.

A popular tourist destination for a small town, we're most famously known as being the home of

surfing legend, Blake Oakfield.

Blake is an absolute legend.

In my book, you could not meet a nicer bloke.

He's won world titles in surfing. He's put the town on the map.

He's got his surf school, looks after the young blokes.

I couldn't speak highly enough of him.

I wouldn't say he's my favourite person.

Yeah, bit of a smart alec. In love with himself.

He thinks he's this major hero in the local township, and he's actually a dickhead.

Hey, Blakey boy!

Him and his gang come into town,

cause a lot of trouble amongst the locals.

I'm not a fan of him at all. He's, ah, he's... I reckon he's trouble.

Everyone pretty much got the wrong idea.

They didn't realise that we weren't violent,

we were about protecting Narmucca Bay.

This is our home. We've been here for generations.

There's history. Why would we not stand up for our rights?

Like, yeah, I was world champ, but I was also primarily a Mucca Mad Boy.

As a kid here, it was old time, good family environment.

We got to about that age, like year four, five, six at Narmucca West Primary

when we first picked up boards and we were just mad for it.

All the boys from Narmucca Bay, we knew 'em. Like, if you were in Narmucca Bay, we knew ya.

If we were hanging down the milk bar and stuff, you're from Narmucca Bay, gidday, you know.

You just didn't get along with the Fennel Heads guys.

It was just kinda how it was.

I guess, at the end of the day, we had shit surf conditions.

I mean, our break was nowhere near as good as theirs.

The way we saw it, just because we came from Fennel Heads,

you know, didn't mean that we couldn't surf Narmucca Bay.

Blake and his boys thought otherwise, but you know, that's just the way it was.

You know, a bunch of dickheads from day one. Like, I remember, they just come over the headland,

-just with their boards.

-Mucca Mad Boys!

Scrambling down onto our beach and just take over our waves.

We just told 'em to fuck off, and that's when I formed Mucca Mad Boys.

It's a gang, it's a society of young surfers, just young blokes,

who wanted to surf their own waves, with the motto being, "Protect our Bay".

-They ripped off our idea and formed the Fennel Hell Men.

-We had big fights and stuff,

just full fist fights. Like boys getting hammered and that, and all the tourists and stuff,

they'd get scared and they'd pack up their towels and shit and run away.

What they didn't realise was we were just protecting it from the Fennel Heads fuckwits.

We were making it a safer place for 'em.

The headland became the divider that defined the gangs, so if you were a young guy into surfing,

then you were either with the Fennel Hell Men or the Mucca Mad Boys.

It became more about the fighting rather than surfing and protecting the beach,

and like, for a lot of young blokes in Narmucca Bay,

if you wanted protection from the Fennel Heads guys, you needed to be part of the Mucca Mad Boys.

You needed to be in the gang.

Him and his gang would come into town, cause trouble amongst the locals.

They've caused trouble at the bowling club, so if they're around,

people prefer to stay indoors out of their way.

"Play Hard, Muc Hard" is the motto.

And it means play hard.

If you're gonna surf, if you're gonna party,

if you're gonna do anything, play it hard.

If you're gonna...and Muc, Mucca, Narmucca, it's short for that.

"Muc Hard", meaning "muc hard".

This tat has a lot of value,

and if you try to copy it or you try to get something similar,

then we'll beat the shit outta you.

Then there's the salute. This represents the headland,

the headland between Fennel Heads and Narmucca Bay.

This is the bay. So you've got your bay there.

This is where you would go surfing if you were in Narmucca Bay. So you got headland, headland,

this is hang loose, represents surfing, cross the heart. Cross the heart and make that firm,

so you go "Oi, oi, oi!"

"Mucca, Mucca, Mucca, oi, oi, oi!"

Then there's the secret neck greeting. Like, if you see another Narmucca bloke,

"Hey, how're you going", down the street, you give him a bit of this.

The secret neck greeting, which is actually hang loose fingers around the neck. So do that.

Mucca Mad Boys, to us, they're like a bunch of spoilt brats

that never learnt to share their toys.

All we wanted to do was share the ocean with them.

We're keeping the Fennel Heads fuckwits out of here. Out of our beach, out of our town.

Yeah, if it wasn't for us, Narmucca Bay'd be a really different place.

-Go home.

-Are you serious right there?

-I'm fuckin' serious, motherfucker.

Go home to your own house.

-Hey, yo, chill out.

-Too bad, motherfucker.

-Hey!

-You're locked out. You're not comin' back in.

-Wanna come back in?

-Yeah.

-I got a task for you. Rap my biggest selling single.

-Nah, bro.

-Rap my single, motherfucker.

-I gotta slap my elbow.

-Yeah, yeah, motherfucker.

-Slap my elbow.

Listen, motherfucker. You got that wrong. I said my biggest selling single in Japan which is Animal Zoo.

It's Animal Zoo, motherfucker. Rap that shit!

Yeah, well when I first heard I was gonna be incarcerated for two months,

at my parents' house, I thought, that's gonna be boring.

-I'm gonna get you a record deal for that, motherfucker.

-Yeah?

-No. Kiddin'.

So I brought some shit from my mansion. I got my plasma, I got my DVDs.

I got my PS3, yeah. High speed wireless internet.

We got all the shit that you need to keep yourself entertained while you're on house arrest.

Yeah, this is some shit that my fans sent me, wishing me well while I'm doing my time on the inside.

They make these dolls of me. There's a little mini Smouse there.

They knit shit. I think this might be made by a retarded fan, possibly.

-That shit is kinda fly, though.

-Yeah, you can have that shit.

"I Love Smouse", yeah. We know that motherfucker.

"Good luck doin' time, Smouse. You're hot. Love Ashlee, 14 years old."

-Well, you pretty hot too, there.

-What the fuck?

We got a lot of bad press on online still,

about me taking a dump on the hood of the police car, but you know,

my label, Jump Roc, they supportin' me through this whole ordeal,

and they almost glad I'm doin' time, you know what I'm sayin, yeah?

They glad cos it's given me a little bit of time to rest my vocal chords,

you know what I'm sayin'? And my real fans,

they is lovin' my ass still, yeah.

We got the paparazzi out the front there waitin' to take a photo of me every time I leave the house.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-I ain't seen nobody out there.

Well, you ain't lookin' hard enough, nigger. They out there.

-They must be camouflaged like a bitch.

-They got the long lens, they got the zoom lens.

-Oh, OK.

They can zoom right in. They lay ten kilometres away and you not seein' 'em.

They a long, long way away, nigger.

Where the fuck you been?

Hey, this is my Lasquisha, my girl. Say hey.

Me and Smouse is somewhat of a relationship of convenience.

-I mean, I love him but I don't really "love" him, you know?

-Yeah.

-It's whatever.

-I gotta agree with that.

We make love but we ain't in love, if you know what I'm sayin'.

I gotta say, this girl ain't, I wouldn't say a slut,

but she gets around a bit.

-We have...

-This dude is a joke.

-Well, why you with me right now?

-Why are you with me?

-Why you text me this afternoon and say,

"I gonna see in ten minutes, babe.

"I can't wait for tonight." You be lyin' to him...

-Shut the fuck up!

-..if you telling me you didn't send it,

that you said you wanted to come here, because you love my ass. You love me, that's it.

The great thing about Lasquisha and the thing I love about her

is we can talk like this to each other. You see the way we vibin' together.

We can cuss at each other.

I can say, "You're a fuckin' bitch", you know, and she say more shit back to me, and we OK.

We have big fights, and you know the best thing about the fights

is after the fights, we get it on.

-He says I'm a bitch, I say, "You can suck a dick".

-Yeah.

-So you reckon have seating on that side?

-Just have them sittin' over there or something.

-Yeah, have like a VIP section there.

-Yeah.

-Nath! Nathan!

This is what we're thinking, mate, for Blake Oakfield's surf demo, right?

We build like a surf stadium down on the dam, right?

And he's got like a run up here, so he can do like a full surf demo for us.

What do you reckon, Nath? Nod if you like it.

-You happy?

-Yeah.

Daniel, did Steve mention the bricklayer's apprenticeship

-that's coming up at his work next year?

-No.

-It could be a good idea.

-I'm not...I'll be working on the farm, anyway.

-I'm not going to need jobs.

-I think it'd be good for you to do some work.

-I'm not gonna be a fuckin' bricklayer.

-Anyway, can you clean up that stuff when you finish?

-Yes!

Now, Nath, Smouse, right?

-We're thinkin' of having a stage out the back, you know, the shed?

-Yeah.

-And have massive speakers.

-Like, how high do you wanna go with them?

-Yeah, pretty big man.

Just like really fuckin' loud.

Nathan! Best thing, we're thinking of calling the whole night...

Nathan's Legendary Farewell Party.

Cos it's legendary, cos all the legends are coming.

What do you think, Nath? Good? You like it? Happy?

-Yep.

-Heaps a plenty to do, mate. We should go...you should talk to Loki's dad about getting that, like,

some of his woodwork shit.

All right, listen up.

Y'all gotta listen to some new tracks here.

Jump Roc sent through some new shit for my new album.

Demo CD.

# It's that gingerbread, gingerbread...

What the fuck?

What the fuck is that shit?

# Gingerbread Smouse, gingerbread Smouse... #

-What the fuck! That is gay off the hook. That is shit!

-That shit's bullshit, brother.

Turn that shit off. Get that shit outta my face.

If you release more of that shit, I'm gonna dump your ass.

"Larry, gay. Try again."

You ought to listen to the man. He's been good to you.

What the fuck?

Don't "what the fuck" me. Listen to your manager.

-Let him make decisions about your career.

-He don't know shit.

That man is the reason I get dissed in the industry. He choose kid's tracks for me.

You wanna be a goddam loser all your fuckin' life? You got a monitor on your fuckin' ankle.

You got a criminal record. You can't be too choosy, motherfucker.

I know about my career, and my career tells me that I need to do my own music, not this shit.

-I don't need no songwriters.

-Bitch.

-I don't need no motherfuckin' jump rock demo CDs.

Throw that shit out, nigga. Mother Gingerbread fuckin' Smouse, what the fuck is that, anyway?

We were about 23, 24, and you know, life was pretty good,

and, well, we just wanted to have a fun night with the boys. You know, see in the new year.

But what happened that night changed Blake's life forever, yeah?

Well, initially, like, the Fennel Heads blokes

stormed into the bar, as you can see through that front door there.

And there's probably like 15, no, no, 20,

20 to 30 of the Fennel Heads guys, Packo in amongst them.

And he's all like, shitty, and, like, pissed off cos he reckons

I'd done something which I, to this day, don't even remember doing.

I pashed that chick which, you know maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

I don't think I did. You know, we were out the front of the pub, right,

we push those blokes out, so that the brawl's happening here, right.

And there's like full fist fighting and shit.

Like, some of the Fennel Heads blokes had bought bats with 'em. They had bats.

I'm tryin' to like keep out of it, cos I know that Packo was after me, right,

so I'm tryin' to like back off, sort of, be a little bit protected.

All of a sudden, gun goes off and I'm like in shock,

just cos of hearing a gun, you know what I mean? Like you hear a gun, you're like, fuck.

And then I felt this weird thing, cos I couldn't feel it at first.

And then I looked down and saw blood on my shorts,

and that's when I knew I'd been shot in the balls.

Yeah, I went to hospital and the doctor said my balls

were so shattered by the bullet that he had no choice but to amputate.

You couldn't recognise them, and they reckon like at the time,

cos the bullet hit here, right, then it went through my legs

and they reckon they found it like near a tree on the other side,

but it'd, you know, done the damage.

They reckon my dick shaft

was swinging over to one side at the time,

-and that's why it didn't get it.

-It saved him.

I do have no balls after that incident.

I mean, they stitched it up and my sack's just, like,

there's something left but it's nothing, there's no balls in there.

When I got out, I guess I wanted to get back into surfing

after I'd recovered, and it felt different.

Like I knew that everyone knew that I had no balls, and that's...

not that that made me, like, embarrassed or anything,

but it just kinda changed things a little bit.

I remember they had this comp down at Bells Beach

and this weird thing happened. I was out surfing and I got wiped out, and when I was under the water,

I felt this like snap on my legs, like this really tight squeeze.

And what had happened was a dolphin had bitten my leg.

Like a really hardcore bite, and it doesn't happen that often,

but when it happens, it's fuckin' gnarly.

Let me tell you, having lived through it, it fuckin' kills.

But basically I came out of the water, and it just hit me.

Surfing doesn't feel right any more. It didn't feel right.

And I basically gave up surfing that day,

and I haven't surfed since.

Gotta cut that shit quick at the end there, you see what I'm sayin'?

I'm not gonna get told what to do, you know what I'm sayin'?

I'm gonna write my own shit. You know what I been doin'?

I been writin' a track.

Yeah, we put together a track today, a new song. It's my own shit, my original music,

better than the shit that Larry sent me.

This song, it's about a young boy, that's the theme of the song.

And he been very confused, you know what I'm sayin'?

It's a psychological song, because he likes the older ladies.

And I'm not talkin' 40. I'm talkin' real old.

# Grandmother fucker, he's a grandmother fucker

# He likes to fuck the grandmas

# When he was just 11... #

That's our music video.

See that lady there, that's my actual grandma.

Yeah, she gonna love that shit.

# ..in his dick he wanted that lady

# Grandmother fucker

# Grandmother fucker... #

Fans, they want that shit. They gonna eat that shit up.

I know, but Jump Roc's gonna fuckin' flip out and you know that.

-Fuck Jump Roc. They can eat my dick. I'm too big for them to do nothin'.

-Bad, yo.

-They ain't gonna dump my ass.

-Larry's gonna go insane.

-Fuck Larry.

-I don't give a shit.

-Who gives a fuck about Larry? Just upload it.

You upload that shit, put it on my site. Get it out to the fans. That's what they want.

All right, all right.

-Yeah, uploadin'!

-You're a crazy motherfucker, B.

-I don't care.

You gotta be crazy sometimes, you know what I'm sayin'?

Tahlia, can you go and get your stuff, please?

I was separated with my two kids when I first got together with Blake.

He was actually at his lowest point when we got together.

He'd given up surfing after the dolphin bite.

Made a lot of money out of surfing, but he had lost most of it.

You know, gambling and bailing out his gang mates.

It was around about that time that he stacked on a heap of weight.

You know, he just used to sit around all day eating junk food.

I got a bit porky. I'd been dumped by Billabong.

No more pay checks coming in.

They got the shits with me once I stopped competing.

I had my mates, but without surfing in my life,

I didn't really have much else and, yeah,

Kareena and the kids came along, pretty much changed everything.

All right, careful, Mum. She's in a fragile condition.

And we've got a new one. Show 'em your stomach there, babe. New one due soon here. Um, yep.

Had to get a sperm donor in for that one cos I got no nuts, so...

-You don't have nuts!

-Oi, you!

-Jake!

Don't tell 'em my secrets, eh?

But no, it's all good. Life's pretty good at the moment.

Me and the Mucca Mad Boys tend to chill out at my place a fair bit.

This is a sort of games area underneath the house.

They can chill in hammocks and stuff. Say gidday, guys.

Got ping pong, if you're into ping pong.

This is the clubhouse here where we just like chill again.

-There's heaps of stuff to do. Gidday, Simo.

-Hey, Blakey.

I got my 2:30 injections.

Got to...do my hormones twice a day, actually.

Testosterone, cos I got no balls.

You can get artificial balls.

I sorta looked into it, did some research. You can get these artificial ones.

Kareena's pretty keen for me to get 'em. It's just this twice a day.

One of the good things about having no balls is, like,

you can get kicked in the nuts and it doesn't hurt.

Didn't hurt. Do it again.

Didn't hurt. Can't feel a thing. Can't feel it. Do it again.

Didn't hurt. Didn't hurt.

-Hard as you want.

-Do it. Do it really hard. Do it hard... Oh!

Didn't hurt. Didn't hurt.

-They specifically told you not...

-I know!

-..to put shit on the internet.

What you gonna do when Larry calls? He's gonna be pissed off

for you writing these dirty ass songs again. These are the people that work for you!

You know how many hits I got online with that song?

That thing's gone off the hook on the internet.

I don't give a fuck how many songs and how much hits it has.

You can't always do what you're told. Great artists,

like me, they do shit they not told to do.

You put a...you dress up like an old woman, you get on the internet,

-you put a picture of your own grandmother...

-You don't understand.

-..on the fuckin' internet!

-Just shut up and mind your own business. Really.

-Yeah.

-Who is this bitch?

-Who the fuck are you?

-My girlfriend.

-My business? This is my motherfuckin' son!

-She no bitch, she my girl!

Who the fuck are you? You act like you fuckin' 15. Why don't you grow up?

I got money, I can take lawyers out on you. If you try to kick my ass, you know what's gonna happen.

-You're gonna end up in jail.

-You think I'd give a fuck, motherfucker.

I brought you into this world.

-I'll take you out.

-Listen, Dad, one question.

-How many multi-platinum singles you got?

-I'm not playin' this game with you.

-Answer my question!

-None!

-How many singles?

-None.

None! How many I got? One more than you, motherfucker.

So eat a dick, keep out of my business, I'm not your kid any more.

I've flown the coop.

Blake's been offered this unbelievable opportunity to return to surfing.

It's the Billabong Legends of Surfing World Tour.

And he said no.

Don't put your arse near me.

He reckons he doesn't want to surf again.

-People say Blake's dumb.

-Let's do knee up.

-They're always saying to me how dumb he is

for giving up surfing, but I reckon he's borderline genius.

Blake's not scared to go back to surfing. You know, the guy's not scared of anything.

He's got the biggest balls of anyone I know.

Well, not actual balls, but...you know what I mean.

Nah, my life's not about surfing any more.

It's just not where I'm at at the moment.

I got too much to do with the gang and that.

Like, the Mucca Mad Boys takes up a fair bit of time.

Like, our presence around town is pretty important.

You know, the life guards and that appreciate us

just keeping an eye on the beach and that. How's it all going?

God, I love him to death, but he's thrown away heaps of opportunities.

And he's got real family responsibilities now.

You know, I just feel like he just needs to adjust his priorities a little bit.

Go your hardest. Didn't feel it.

He spends a lot of time hanging out with his gang mates.

He's not 15 any more.

I think in life, you're pretty much nothing without your mates.

And I know it's not the '80s any more and heaps of the founding blokes have moved on and that,

but I think the legend of the Mucca Mad Boys still lives on.

It's still very much alive today.

Ready, boys?

And I want to make it my mission to carry that legacy on into a new generation,

and to keep the Fennel Heads fuckwits out of Narmucca Bay forever.

-Mucca, Mucca, Mucca!

-ALL:

-Oi, oi, oi!

Yeah.

Yeah, I get it.

If you're a rap artist, or you're any kind of artist,

you gotta be true to yourself.

You gotta make yourself proud.

OK, bye.

I got dumped.

You dumb motherfucker. I told you!

Man, they gotta give you another chance.

They said they got a lot of complaints from grandmas about my video.

A lot of complaints from a lot of people,

and they don't think I'm a viable artist for their label no more.

You gone and fucked up your life again, man. Well, done.

Good job(!)

When you have a talent as big as mine, a lot of niggers,

they don't understand you and you can feel alienated.

What you gonna do, yo?

I don't know.

You know, we could do like a video apology, man.

You're apologising to your grandmother. That's for goddamn sure.

Smouse, if you don't get another record deal,

I'm not gonna stick around.

-What the fuck?

-Hope you know that.

What, you think that's the thing to tell me right now? Thank you, Lasquisha.

You can't be boxed in to what they want you to be, you hear me?

You gotta stand up for yourself.

You gotta do what you believe in.

I got dumped from my label today.

But that don't mean shit, mother-fuckers.

To all my fans out there, watch this space.

What this space, niggers.

Yeah.

-Go forward.

-Keep coming!

Ah, we haven't heard any word yet.

Gran sent out all the invites to the managers and shit of all the legends.

-Fuck.

-So hopefully we'll hear soon.

Oh, fuck dude, you're bogged.

And, like, we went down the dam and cleared out some trees and bushes and shit

just to make sure the bloke's got a good run up for when he hits the dam.

-Daniel!

-You are so fucking bogged.

-Daniel, Steve's coming.

Yeah, Nate's pumped. He's pretty happy so far with what I've come up with.

Daniel!

Hey, I thought I told you not to use that in the paddocks.

Hey, look, your Mum's getting dinner on.

Hey, and some bloke rang from a modelling agency.

He said thanks for the invite, but Emily someone won't be coming to your party.

Bullshit. Are you serious?

-Yeah. Look, ask your Mum about it.

-Emily Chase?

Your grandmother must have given them our number. Yeah, looks like your party really is happening.

And as I predicted, celebrities aren't going to want to come here.

Fuck, man. Now you're gonna have to invite another one,

-cos there was three wishes, wasn't there?

-Yeah. Oh, fuck, can't believe she got the invitation.

-Sick as, man.

-Good on you, Gran. She got it out.

-Nice.

-It's really happening, mate.

-Let's try and unbog this shit, man.

I'm hungry.

Initiations are a pretty big deal. Seperates the boys from the men.

Tie that to your ball sack. As you know, we had the shark sighting a couple of weeks ago.

That's Packo's handwriting, too. Right, get on the wall boys.

-If you've got any more piss left, then piss.

-Why are we getting blamed for your graffiti issues?

Do you want us to come beat the shit out of you, because we will.

The king of skateboarding today.

I am his mother and manager.

There's other boys your age much better than you.

I started to notice that he was gay.

-He's gay!

-Gay-no skate-o-board-ah.

I'm not really gay, but my mum was so keen on the whole gay-ing.

Skateboarding gay style!

Skateboarding gay style!

-ALL:

-Skateboarding gay style!

Skate stats, porn. Nathan's schoolwork, porn.

He wanks like four times a day.

Oh! I don't know his dick lasts the day. Oi, stop it!

I even caught him lookin' at Mum in the shower.

With your brain and my brain together,

we will be the ultimate dude.

-Where you keep your gay porno magazine?

-Nathan! What are you doin'?

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