Episode 4 Angry Boys

This programme contains very strong language and adult humour

Nathan, ya fag!

You used up all the download space, you dickhead! Now the computer's slow as fuck!

Daniel, it's not your computer, it's the family's, and he can't hear you.

Well, I'm the boss of it. And he's using it to download porn, anyway.

'I'm sick of him and his fuckin' porn. He's addicted to it.

'It's like he does'

these little things, right, he makes these little secret files where he keeps his porn stash,

and he thinks I can't find 'em.

But look at this. "Skate stats." Porn. See?

"Nathan's Schoolwork"? Porn.

"Deaf Information". Porn.

And he wanks like four times a day, minimum, seriously.

Like something's got to be done about it.

Like I reckon if you're going to wank, do it one or two times a week, max, you know?

Don't let it rule your life. Keep it clean. Do it in the shower.

Oh, disgusting. Fuck! Nathan!

The thing with me and Hunter is we're competitive,

we're competitive...

but we balance each other out, in that he's good at shit, I'm good at shit. So we sort of...

We... We do heaps of good shit together.

I am a little bit not as smart as you.

-I'm a little bit dumber than you.

-Yeah.

But with your brain and my brain together, we would be the ultimate dude.

Remember at the servo? I went to the servo and filled up petrol.

This is fuckin' years ago. I thought there was 60 cents in a dollar.

I got pissed off with that bloke at the servo cos I thought he was trying to rip me off,

and I got the mates over to beat the fuckin' shit out of him, cos I thought he was trying to rip me off.

-We were going to.

-I had three 20 cent coins. Like, it's a dollar. Add it up.

I thought chicks didn't fart, too.

When we were like in Year 10 at school, I was like...

I thought biologically, chicks could not fart, and we had that massive fight.

-We had a fucking punch up about that.

-Yeah.

-I believe it now, cos Kareena farts.

-Have you heard Kareena fart?

-Yeah, she farts heaps.

-Phew.

-Yeah, man, she lets it rip.

-So have you got surfing classes today?

-No, I did two yesterday.

Whoa, knock yourself out, babe.

'Being married to someone like, you know,'

"surfing legend" Blake Oakfield's got its challenges.

'Just incredibly vague and unorganised.

'It's like you've got to micromanage him.' What's this mean?

-Yeah, what's it mean?

-Get groceries.

-And don't forget.

-What are you two doing today, anyway?

-Initiations.

-What, for the gang?

-Yeah.

That sounds like a productive way for two 38-year-old men to spend the day.

-Ah, yeah it is.

-Don't work too hard, will ya?

-Get the groceries!

-Bye!

The brakes, Jamie. The brakes!

Rewind it. Rewind.

Hey, the patient has arrived, everybody!

-Oh, Ja-Rule!

-Here he is.

Ja-Rule! What happened to him?

Hey? Oh, the vet did it.

-What happened, Ja-Rule?

-He's got a skin condition from the fleas.

-He looks like a dickhead.

-He keeps licking his testicles. With that on, he can't reach.

-He's licking around his nuts?

-Yeah.

-Can't lick now, Ja.

If I could lick my nuts, imagine. I'd be lickin' 'em.

-Imagine if Nath could lick round...

-Don't be so bloody disgusting!

-Oi!

-Don't you reckon, Nath'd be like, "Oh, yum."

-Daniel!

'Oh, it's been a fully hectic week.

'The plans for Nath's party are coming along pretty well.

'We haven't heard back from Blake Oakfield and Smouse,

'and cos Emily Chase dropped out, we have to invite another one,

'cos it's three wishes.'

We could invite another hot chick.

If you want another model to replace Emily,

-I'm happy to invite another hot chick.

-No, Tim.

-You want Tim, do ya?

'Nath's really keen to invite Tim Okazaki, who's this like skater

'who he's real into.'

And I'm not that into him cos he's a bit of a fag,

but Nath really loves him cos he loves his skating.

All right, well we'll get Gran to send out some invites and see if we can get him to come, OK?

Yep.

You got to talk to him. He's Japanese so he might be weird.

That's cool.

I reckon having Tim there is good cos it makes it a little bit...

Cos you got a white guy,

a black guy and a Chinese guy.

Well, he's Japanese. So, I reckon it's a good mix.

The Champion is...

..Tim Okazaki!

Tim Okazaki... Oh, he's a real star.

Without a doubt the king of skateboarding today,

and huge in Japan.

He can land the gnarliest tricks with very little effort.

Tim Okazaki!

He can make skateboarding look effortless

without even trying, you know?

He's just an amazing talent.

The kid's got abilities you can only dream of.

Tim Okazaki!

Yeah, he's one in a million.

I'd have to say he's the most sought after talent

in the sports world today.

'How do you create a skateboarding superstar?

'How do you create a superstar?'

Well, in the case of Tim Okazaki, I am the one to answer that.

I'm his mother and manager.

So, if I don't know then no-one does.

Tim was born in America.

My husband, Yuki, and I moved over to America from Japan

for a new life for the children.

Tim was not that into skateboarding as a young boy.

He wasn't all that keen on it,

but I made him do it.

You're skateboarding!

I bought Tim a skateboard and he was very uncoordinated as a young boy.

There's other boys your age much better than you.

'I found that, through my own demonstration,

'I was able to teach him balance.'

Whee! Whee!

'I basically taught Tim how to skate.'

Trick!

I would drive Tim to the skate park and supervise his training.

It take a lot of work for you to become a champion skateboarder.

Tim started to win competition for one reason alone.

Because of my hard work and commitment,

and because I never gave up.

I just love skateboarding.

I like nailing tricks.

I like grinding on rails.

I like landing them. It just feels great.

But if I didn't win a competition, I'd sort of get, like, depressed,

and my mum would sort of lose it.

But it was sort of good in a way,

because it made me want to get better. I wanted to be the best.

I told Tim if he did not succeed at skateboarding,

then I would kill myself.

That's... Lucky for me, Tim did succeed,

or else he would have a dead mother on his hands.

I've met him a few times, you know,

and he just seemed like a regular American little kid, you know?

Then, for some reason, he started to sound more and more Japanese.

'I wanted to get the media on side, and to get their attention.

'I thought if he sound more like a little Japanese boy,'

that they would find him more interesting, more cute, you know?

And, I have to say, after a little bit of training vocally,

Tim really picked it up.

Thank you velly much.

And the media, they fell for it hook, line and sinker.

My mum trained me to speak more Japanese.

It worked because then I got really big in Japan.

Before Tim, I'd say skating wasn't even that big in Japan, you know?

He sort of exploded onto the Japanese scene.

They don't know he's American, but he's huge over there.

I moved my family from Santa Barbara to Tokyo for Tim.

For Tim alone.

The money was not... not in the equation,

although I have to admit,

that having the money now is...

is not such a bad thing.

'I wouldn't say I love it here in Japan.

'I miss my friends,'

and having to pretend to be Japanese when you're not is a little weird.

Hello to all my fans!

But if I get to skate, then the rest I can handle.

How do you feel?

-(Say konichiwa.)

-Konichiwa!

HORN BEEPS

Well, initiations are a pretty big deal.

They're not to be taken lightly.

Me and Hunter, as founding members of the Mucca Mad Boys,

we conduct all initiations.

So, you get your new blokes that want to be involved in the gang.

They have to prove themselves. It's not an open invitation.

We're going to try you out in some random conditions.

See how gnarly you are in that sort of situation.

This process is a way of weeding out the fakers,

separating the boys from the men.

Three options today. One, the titty cap. You wear that on your head.

You're going to be streaking up and down every aisle in the supermarket.

And we have the meat.

We're going to tie that to your ball sack.

You'll go out for a swim. This is option two.

We had sharks here recently, so that could end badly.

Option three's the cliff.

Hunter will hold you, monkey-grip style,

over the cliff for 40 seconds. I've done it.

It's... You shit yourself for the first ten seconds,

then you ease into it by the end. That's the third option.

I urge you guys, don't choose the easy option, OK?

-Any questions?

-Um, when can we get the tatt?

The tatt comes when you pass initiation, OK?

-So you've got to chill out on that.

-Blake!

-What?

-There's been Fennel Hell Men up at Blakey's all morning.

-You're fucking kidding me?

-Fuck.

-Spooner was out there at dawn.

-Oh, shit.

-There's graff on the dunnies too.

-What does it say?

Blakey's is this break and it's about 200 metres off

from the Narmucca headland.

It's really close to the rocks. Hell dangerous.

You need the biggest balls to go out there.

It's one of the scariest, gnarliest, most fucked-up breaks ever.

Blake's the only one who's gone out there - so it's called Blakey's.

We own... Mucca Mad Boys sort of own it.

So, don't go out there when you know that it's not yours,

do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's our turf.

-Shit.

-They're going to regret this.

-He's done that last night. That's fresh.

-Yeah.

-That's Packo's handwriting.

-Yeah.

-That's him. He's done it.

-You've got no balls, not cock!

-Yeah.

He's obviously trying to get my attention.

You know what we've got to do?

-Let's go to the headland.

-Let's go.

I think you need to concentrate a little more.

'From an early age, I started to notice'

little strange things about Tim.

Probably before he even knew himself

that he was gay.

Little things only a mother pick up on.

And Tim and I have a little discussion

and it turn out my inkling was right.

He was gay.

It coincided with the time when I was not too happy

with the sponsorship that we had for Tim, with DC and Globe.

And it was a time when I wanted to change Tim's career,

so I decided that we should come out to the public,

let everyone know that Tim is the world's first gay skateboarder.

My friends know that I'm not gay, and I'm not really gay.

But my mum was so keen on the whole gay angle

and the whole "gay style" thing.

But...to the general public and all my fans, I'm gay.

SPEAKS IN JAPANESE

Tim Okazaki, the boy who brought skateboarding

into mainstream popular culture in Japan...

SPEAKS JAPANESE

And he's gay and proud of it.

You know, I was really surprised.

Like, I met with him a bunch of times.

He didn't really seem all that gay, you know, but apparently he was.

Being gay, I have to pretend I like guys,

pretend I don't like girls,

and I can't talk to girls or else my mum will get mad.

She says, you can only talk to guys and stuff, which is weird.

It worked so well. I came up with my catchphrase, "I'm gay",

which was what I got Tim to say at any skateboard competition,

or to the media.

I'm gay!

Tim really got into it.

I also came up with "skateboarding gay-style".

Skateboarding gay-style!

ALL: Skateboarding gay-style!

That was more of a business decision.

I wanted the kids to get familiar with the phrase "gay-style",

because that's when I started my company, GayStyle Enterprises.

And we made skateboard decks and streetwear clothing.

We also made some merchandise.

And this is a GayStyle ice cube maker in the cock shape.

This is for the Parmesan cheese.

Take it off, shake it on your pasta.

This is the GayStyle cock-shaped whistle.

WHISTLE BLOWS

The GayStyle drink bottle. Fill it up with whatever drink you like.

The GayStyle scrubbing brush, and it's good for the bath time,

shower time, with the cock on the end.

It's going so well.

The kids are loving it, and are willing to spend the dollars.

A dick whistle for you...

I'm not totally comfortable with the whole GayStyle enterprise thing.

All the dudes on dudes, and the whole hot pink stuff.

But the way I see it is I get to keep skating

and the whole GayStyle thing sort of keeps everybody happy, so I guess...

GayStyles are go!

To be honest, I like some of that GayStyle shit.

I wear this GayStyle ring.

It's two cocks together.

-ALL:

-GayStyle!

You could say it sweep the nation. Everyone was saying, "I'm gay!"

-BOTH:

-It's skateboarding GayStyle!

Take something like Tim being gay,

and you can see that as a negative thing.

But I turn it around into a positive thing.

I told Tim I would make him huge. So in future,

always listen to your mother.

-Everyone say, "Skateboarding GayStyle"! ALL:

-Skateboarding GayStyle!

-Tim, say what you love.

-Skateboarding GayStyle!

CHEERING

Oi, stop it! Something's got to be done about Nathan's wanking.

Fuck, get off my chair, you dirty prick!

Like, he's just obsessed with it. Stop wanking, for fuck's sake!

It's embarrassing for me and it's embarrassing for the whole family.

We're all... We're all living with it.

I don't know how his dick lasts the day.

You know what I'm saying? Cos he has... Yeah.

And, like, he's a full weirdo around chicks. Like, my mate Loki,

his mum, if she's breastfeeding, like, Nath's always, like, checking her out

and, like, trying to look at her tits and that.

And, like, at home, Nath always lies next to the dog on the couch

cos it feels good against his dick.

Yeah, he's a full sicko.

Like, I even caught him looking at our own mum in the shower.

Like, seriously, he is fucked in the head.

Nathan!

What are you doing? Fuck!

Something's got to be done about his wanking too, cos we share

a bedroom and cos he's deaf he can't hear himself in the night.

So he's going for it, wakes me up.

It's disgusting to hear, and then you fucking see it.

And, so, I've got some shoes that I lined up above my bed,

so if I catch him, I can peg a shoe at his dick, right?

But seriously, not even that stops him.

He can't... He cannot help himself.

I've got to come up with some sort of solution,

cos something's got to be done.

Can't go on like this.

Well, when shit like this happens, and it's always those fuckers

causing it, then we come straight to the wall.

The wall actually marks the divider between Narmucca Bay and Fennel Heads.

All right, get on the wall, boys. Yeah, it's the exact point there.

One side we're in our territory, the other side we're in their territory.

Look what he's wearing. Must be going to work. What a loser.

And Packo definitely would have known about Spooner being out at Blakey's this morning.

He's the founder of the Fennel Hell Men so he pretty much knows any shit going on.

I don't know if he's responsible for the graff.

Regardless of that, he would be aware of it

and he would know that I will want to retaliate.

All right, boys, let's show them we mean business!

'Whenever us boys are really pissed off about something, we come up to the wall and...

'if we want to let them know we're going to take it to the streets,

'then we piss off the edge of the wall onto their territory.'

You know, that's our way of saying, "We are ready to go to war."

Drink this, Packo!

They don't always notice you up here so you need to get their attention.

We use mirrors, reflection in the eyes...

That's sort of an old-school trick that we did in the '80s.

And these days, I usually just send a text message. There we go.

-He's looking up.

-Yep, yep. Guys, get up.

If you've got any more piss left, then piss. He's looking up!

Nuh. All right, he's sent me a message, guys.

"Empty sack. See you at Bi-Lo at 3."

-We're going into battle, boys.

-Come on, guys. This is how we roll.

Hope you told your mums you're going to be late home.

Bi-Lo at three.

Let's go, fellas.

The skateboarding industry has certainly afforded me some luxuries.

This is my penthouse in the heart of Tokyo city. Three levels.

As you can see, it's a very nice place to unwind, after a hard day of skateboarding.

Some of my furs here.

It's a long way from the poor struggling days in America.

This is the headquarters for GayStyle Enterprises.

So we ah...you know, it's a lot of work to do here.

'But it's also my family home.' I told you I don't like pork!

'For my husband Yuki, my second son, Luke, and of course Tim.'

Take Cindy. She annoying me. And then there's my youngest, Cindy.

I never wanted a third child, so when Cindy was born I was a little disappointed, but what can you do?

And this is Tim's room.

-Say hi, Tim.

-Hey. Hi.

This is the bedroom of a typical gay boy.

As you can see, all the gay things he has, oh, yeah.

Tim, where you keep your gay porno magazine?

-You keep it under here, Tim?

-Yeah, come on, Tim.

Where you keep it, Tim?

-I don't have any.

-Don't be shy.

-Don't be shy, Tim.

Please, don't be shy. Come on.

Don't be shy for the camera. We know you like cock. It's OK.

'This is Bruce Woo, my business manager.'

Bruce look after the GayStyle merchandise, the product line.

Well, I love working for the company, you know.

Tim is adorable and Jen is divine.

-I think you're trying to suck up to me.

-No, I mean it.

Well, you're sucking up because he here.

No, you're the best boss I ever, ever had.

You're not getting a cut of the profits like you ask for.

-No, but I...

-I'm not joking.

-But, Jen, you're the best boss I ever had.

-You don't say stuff like this normally.

You're saying it cos he's here.

-Yes, you are.

-Go to another room!

I don't want another headache tonight, please.

I'll show ya how we deal with these situations.

-Packo.

-Empty sack.

-Packo.

-Good to see ya.

-You too, mate.

What can we do for you, eh?

Why was Spooner at Blakey's this morning?

You know it's Mucca turf.

Hey, why would he bother? The surf's shit over there.

We saw your handiwork on the dunnies, too. Nice graff.

-What graff?

-As if you don't know.

Mate, it was probably one of your fuckin' nobs from over there.

-I haven't done any graffiti since '95. I mean...

-You fuckin' wrote it.

It's your handwriting.

-I don't know why we're gettin' the blame for your graffiti issues.

-Do you want us...?

Do you want us to come beat the shit out of you, cos we will.

I don't wanna have to do it, but I'm happy to do it.

Is that what you want? HORN BEEPS

-Get in the car.

-It's gang business, babe.

-Get in the car, Blake.

This is gang business.

What the fuck are you doing? For God's sake, get in.

Jeff, go home to your wife and leave my husband alone.

-Idiots.

-Hey, he called it.

He issued the challenge. We just turned up.

Whatever. Do I look like I give a shit?

Yeah, go home to your wife, you pussy motherfucker.

-Shut up.

-I'm not fighting.

Jeff Packard's wife is a friend of mine. So did you get the groceries?

-No.

-Nuh!

Nuh. Knew you wouldn't.

I am so annoyed with you right now.

-Well, things get out of hand sometimes.

-I don't care.

What have you got for me, Bruce? 'My company, GayStyle Enterprise, is an ever-growing business.'

GayStyle! Nintendo DS.

I want it to grow and grow to the point...where it's the biggest company in the world.

Bigger than Microsoft, bigger than anything ever in the world.

It's so cute.

It's so Tim. It's so gay.

-Yes!

-All right.

-The Tim Okazaki Gay Experience Ride at Tokyo Disneyland.

-Oh, good.

-Yes.

I love it. A ride at Disneyland.

Oh, yes, good Tim.

'There's a good and bad side to it all.

'The bad side is I have to live in Japan, and I'm away from all my friends.

'But the good side is I get to skate a lot, and that's really what I want to do, to be the best.'

And Mum says that this whole thing's a game, and if you want to win, you have to play the game.

-I'm gay! I'm gay! I'm gay! I'm gay!

-'Yeah, without a doubt,

'he's changed the sporting culture in Japan, do you know.'

-I'm gay!

-'His style, the GayStyle's, just rockin' really hard and he's'

a loud and proud homo, you know? So good on you, Tim.

'Tim, of course, is my number one priority.

'He... Genetically I have given him a wonderful thing, but I

'need to, you know, nurture that talent.'

I am his manager, yes, but number one, I am his mother.

I'm gay!

-Right, so how's that feel?

-It's good.

It's all right?

Not too loose around there?

Not too bad? 'Well, I come up with a solution.

'Um, I made Nath some wank prevention guards.'

Basically, you know, it stops him from reaching his cock,

so therefore he can't wank. Yep, show me the other one.

Yeah, you gotta think outside the square when you want to come up with a solution to your problems.

Oi, Steve, check this out.

Same principle as Ja-Rule.

Means he can't...

'Nath hasn't tried yet, but I don't think he fully knows what they're for.'

What are you boys up to?

Yeah, he's gonna get a shock when he does.

He won't be able to get any traction on his dick.

Gives his cock a break at least.

I built myself a motherfucking home recording studio. Can you hear me?

Fuck yeah, fuck you, fuck. Play some beats, motherfucker.

Obama, Obama, what you gonna do?

What I hear coming from that living room, it is a bunch of bullshit.

Well, what do you call this then?

-I call that shit.

-A celebrity endorsement for Ushi Cola!

At the moment, GayStyle is on the incline. First ever flavoured shoe.

-Mm, caramel. Sushi.

-Breakfast.

In this household, it's OK to be gay.

Oh, my God, look at the balls on that guy.

I have a very strict training schedule for Tim.

-And fart. Fart!

-Fuck off!

Oh, Nathan's been a little shit lately. He's fuckin' doin' it now!

It'll be really good for him to see another family using sign language.

-Nathan could take you for a ride around on the back of his motorbike.

-BFFs with the Daimster.

-Fuck off.

Daniel, Nath wants to see you at the tank.

Nathan, you fag!

Have sex with your fuckin' three legged dog, bitch!

-You gay. You don't go getting confused, OK?

-Mum, Nath's just pissed on me!