You Can't Teach a New Dog Old Tricks Are You Being Served?


You Can't Teach a New Dog Old Tricks

The classic British sitcom returns for a celebratory special. It is 1988, and Young Mr Grace wants to drag Grace Brothers into, well, 1988.


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Transcript


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# Ground floor perfumery stationary, and leather goods, wigs

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# and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. Going up...

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# First floor telephones, gents' ready-made suits, shirts, socks

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# ties, hats, underwear, and shoes Going up... #

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Don't move.

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It is a thing of beauty.

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-You reckon?

-Oh, yes, a generous cut can hide a multitude of sins.

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Not that you look as though you need that. Do you mind?

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Oh, yes, very impressive.

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You're like me, aren't you?

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I very much doubt it.

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Narrow waist.

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See, I'm lucky because the women on my mother's side

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have always been very hippy,

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whereas I can get away with a bolero jacket and low riders.

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But as Captain Peacock says,

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"Snake hips are for the dance floor, not for the shop floor."

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I have no idea what you're talking about.

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And don't worry about the sleeves, they'll ride up with wear.

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Mr Humphries, are you free?

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Not at the moment, Captain Peacock,

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I'm just negotiating an indigo double-breasted.

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Oh, yes, good morning, sir.

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Some people find the double-breasted old-fashioned

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but I prefer the word "classic".

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I was just about to say that.

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This is my jacket.

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It certainly is, sir.

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Mr Humphries, I believe you have a sale.

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Oh, well, you can't wrestle with fate,

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although goodness knows I've tried.

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-Would you like to walk this way?

-No, you don't understand.

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This is my jacket.

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It belongs to me.

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I'm Richard. I'm supposed to start work today.

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-Which department?

-Menswear.

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Oh, no, quite impossible. I'm head of Menswear.

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And as you would be under myself I would know about that.

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Strictly speaking, he'd be under me and I'd definitely know about that.

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Strictly speaking, he would be under Mr Grainger,

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so perhaps he should be our next port of call.

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Mr Grainger, are you free?

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At the moment, Captain Peacock,

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but I've just heard there's an under-21s Italian football team

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on the ground floor.

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So I'm just rearranging my underwear.

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It's always the quiet ones.

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I was given a job by Mr Rumbold.

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Mr Rumbold, yes, that would explain matters.

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What is your full name?

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-Richard Conway.

-Now, Mr Humphries,

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would you supply Mr Conway with a new suit.

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Mr Grainger, take his inside leg measurement, would you?

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Mr Humphries tends to make a meal of such things.

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Miss Brahms, your attention to the job in hand, if you please.

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Sorry, Mrs Slocum, but did you just see that?

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-See what?

-That boy.

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Just gave me a wink.

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Somebody call the police!

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No, I'm just saying, he can't be more than 21, 22.

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Oh, it gets worse.

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I'm looking for a man, not a boy.

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Quite right, Miss Brahms.

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Mind you, he was fit.

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What?

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Fit?

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Daley Thompson is fit, Jimmy Connors is fit.

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If it's a young man's appearance you're commenting on,

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please try and use the correct vernacular.

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The correct what?

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I like the word "dishy".

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Who's Jimmy Connors?

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Who's Jimmy...? Who's Jimmy Connors?

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Only the greatest tennis player that ever breathed.

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I don't like tennis.

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I like Jim Kerr, do you know Simple Minds?

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No, but I work with a few.

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So, did you fancy him, then?

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Back in the day, this Jimmy Connor?

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Connors.

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Not half.

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Centre Court, Wimbledon, 1977.

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I thought all my birthdays had come at once

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when I caught one of his balls.

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You were lucky.

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All the security they have these days I don't think you can get that close to them.

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Oh, no... Ooh.

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Give all this a wipe down with a cloth, will you?

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-What do you think you're doing?

-You told me to wipe everything down.

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Not with those.

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-Why not, they're cloths, ain't they?

-Certainly not.

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They're my perfumed intimate lady wipes.

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I bring them from home.

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Intimate? They're like dishcloths.

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Put them away and go and get a can of Pledge from Mr Harman and mind your own business.

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Where did Stephen go?

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Now, Mr Grainger, you'll get shot.

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It may be Stephen at the golf club,

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but on the shop floor it's Captain Peacock.

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I don't play golf.

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Don't play any sports.

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You surprise me.

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I don't know why we have to call each other Mr This and Mr That.

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Grace Brothers should move with the times.

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It's 1980...

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Eight!

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Thank you. Yes, I was saying,

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I'm all for showing respect but after all it is 1980...

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-What was it?

-Eight!

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It's 1988!

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There's no need to shout.

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It's 1988!

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Grace Brothers should have a much more relaxed approach.

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Yes, well, if you were any more relaxed you'd need a defibrillator.

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-I'm sorry?

-Nothing.

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Don't be facetious, Mr Humphries.

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I'll have you know that at my bridge club my nickname is Flash.

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Yes, I dread to think why.

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Well, I'm sorry, Captain Peacock, but Mr Conway was hired in your absence.

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What do you mean, absence?

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I haven't had a day off since 1972.

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No, no, not your absence from Grace Brothers,

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I mean your absence from my sister's barbecue.

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What on earth are you talking about? I've never met your sister.

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Are you sure you haven't had a day off since 1972?

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I could have sworn you were on the staff Spanish jolly in '77.

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Clearly, I meant apart from scheduled holidays.

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Look, I'm sorry, Stephen,

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but a couple of weeks ago my wife and I were at my sister's barbecue when

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Mrs Rumbold shared a whole pork tenderloin with Lulu, her Chihuahua.

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Honestly, eyes bigger than her belly.

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I wouldn't say that, I've always thought Mrs Rumbold had rather beautiful eyes.

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I was talking about the dog.

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-Oh, I beg your pardon.

-Anyway, she started to choke and couldn't breathe.

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Well, we tried everything until young Richard dashed over and put

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his finger up her bottom.

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Good lord, I hope Mrs Rumbold is recovered.

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I was talking about the dog.

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Yes, I see.

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Rather an extreme action but an old veterinary trick, apparently.

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Loosens the jaws.

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Handy to know if you're ever bitten.

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You mean by a dog?

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Well, I don't mean by Mrs Rumbold.

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Anyway, poor Lulu would probably have choked to death so we asked young Richard if there was any way

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we could thank him.

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He said he'd been looking for a job for almost a year and, well, you can work out the rest.

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But not in Menswear, Mr Rumbold.

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We are a finely balanced team.

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Couldn't you put him in Ladies Shoes and let him climb his way up?

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Young Mr Grace is very keen to drag the first floor into the '80s.

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A reasonable request considering we're almost in the '90s.

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-Now, was there anything else?

-Not at present, Mr Rumbold.

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Well, very good, enjoy the rest of your day.

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Well, let's start with the basics.

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Do you have any experience working on a shop floor?

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Do you want the short answer or the long answer?

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The short one, the days here are long enough.

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-I have.

-Oh, well, that's a good start.

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What was the long answer?

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I have...no experience working on a shop floor.

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Oh, dear.

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You're not going to say anything, are you?

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-I need this job.

-Oh, don't worry, I'm very good at keeping secrets.

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I was in the Wobbly Wand Club.

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-Excuse me?

-It was for younger boys who weren't old enough to join the Magic Circle.

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I used to have this floating ball which used to leave the

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other boys in my class open mouthed.

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-There's no answer to that.

-Exactly, so my advice would be,

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don't let on you don't have any previous experience

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and any questions, just come to me.

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Do you have any questions?

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Yeah, the one by the counter, is she married?

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Which one do you mean?

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Which one do you think I mean?

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Well, they're both a fair bit older than you.

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One's older than me, the other one's older than everyone.

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I don't know, rumour has it Mr Grainger once shared a party wall with King Herod.

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But if you mean Miss Brahms, you'll have to ask her yourself.

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Is she into younger guys?

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I've no idea, but she's no easy pickings.

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We had a Mr Lucas work here once and he was forever trying to stamp her

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receipt, if you know what I mean.

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-I don't get it.

-No, neither did Mr Lucas.

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I've seen bigger bristols on a middle-aged man.

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Mr Harman, do you mind?

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Not at all.

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She seems to be missing her raspberry ripples.

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I'll keep an eye out for them if you want.

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Disgusting. State your business on the shop floor or leave immediately.

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I need a few of them Grace Brothers bags,

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the big shiny ones with the string.

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Certainly not.

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Grace Brothers bags are for bone fide purchases only.

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They have had a buffet in Perfume.

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They've launched a new ladies fragrance this morning called Belly!

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We had a right laugh at that down in Maintenance.

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I wonder what the next one'll be called.

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Bingo Wings?

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B-E-L-L-E.

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It's French for "beautiful woman".

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Not that an ignoramus like you would know of such things.

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I may be an ig-ro-namus but this afternoon

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I'll be an ign-ro-namus with a load of posh leftovers.

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Topside of beef, lobster, caviar, the lot.

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-Lobster?

-Yeah.

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-And caviar?

-That's what I said.

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So, do I get some of them bags or not?

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Miss Brahms, two large Grace Brothers bags for Mr Harman.

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I've not had lobster since Mr Akbar's flat warming.

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and then it was covered in so many spices my pussy had a sneezing fit.

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Two large Grace Brothers bags.

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-Thank you.

-So you're going to bring some of that buffet here?

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After all the names you've called me?

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You've got to be joking.

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And it's ig-NO-ramus.

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Do you ever go to the cinema?

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Excuse me.

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I could take you up the Regal one night.

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'Ere, are you chatting me up?

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I'm old enough to be your...

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..big sister.

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I'm just trying to make friends.

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What about Mr Humphries?

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Bet you haven't offered to take him up the Regal.

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So what do you say, Shirley?

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No, thank you.

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And you're supposed to call me Miss Brahms on the shop floor.

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All this Miss Brahms, Mr Conway...

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This place is stuck in a time warp.

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My sentiments exactly, Mr Conway.

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Sorry, Mr Grainger.

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We are here to work, Miss Brahms.

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Yes, Mr Grainger.

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I run a tight ship.

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But I'm not without compassion when it comes to affairs of the heart.

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After all, it was on this very shop floor I met Mrs Grainger.

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Really?

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Oh, yes. I was waiting for the lift to go up to Soft Furnishings.

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The doors opened and she stepped out.

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I remember it like it was yesterday.

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Aw!

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I wish it were tomorrow, I'd take the bloody stairs.

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Young Mr Grace to see you, Mr Rumbold.

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Send him in, Miss Lloyd. This might be a good time for you to take your

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optional ten minute recess, Miss Croft.

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Thank you, Mr Rumbold.

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I'm going to get a cheese and pickle roll from the canteen, do you want anything?

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Oh, no, thank you, Miss Croft.

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Well, if you change your mind and fancy a roll, I'll be upstairs.

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Well, if he doesn't fancy it I might.

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Bertie, you old devil!

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Mr Grace, a pleasure as always.

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Now, come on, Bert, what have I told you about calling me Mr Grace?

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Old habits die hard.

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At least it's not Young Mr Grace, remember when people used to call me that?

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An affectionate term for your grandfather, I'm sure you're thought of in the same manner.

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Now, can I get you some tea, biscuits?

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No, thank you, I've just had a cappuccino,

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followed by a massive brownie.

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Well, I hope you flushed it twice, that cistern has a mind of its own.

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How are you getting on with the new Amstrad?

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Amstrad?

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Oh, oh, that Amstrad.

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I thought you meant a different...Amstrad. Oh, you know,

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slowly, slowly, catchy monkey.

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I don't know what that means,

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but it might all go a little less slowly if you were to plug it in.

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We've had it plugged in, it's got all the bells and whistles.

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It's a desktop computer, it's not Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

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Yes, no, what I mean was it's very impressive.

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399 quid's worth of kit, should be.

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Yes, yes, quite. Really?

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Now, I'll get straight to the point.

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I've spent the last three years bringing Grace Brothers back from the brink.

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I've just fended off a huge takeover bid which would have put three

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million quid in one pocket and three million in shares in the other pocket.

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And you know what I need now?

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Bigger pockets?

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I need to drag the first floor into the 20th century and we can start by

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getting the filing system computerised.

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I will try harder with the...Amstrad.

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Perhaps Mr Conway can give me a few pointers.

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-Mr Conway?

-The young chap we've just taken on in Menswear.

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Oh, yeah, Richard.

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That was a great idea.

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You brought the average age of the first floor down by about 20 years

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when you took him on.

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It's just the other dinosaurs we need to shift now.

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I thought Grainger had retired?

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Oh, he had, he came back to Grace Brothers

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to spend less time with wife.

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Captain Peacock showing any signs of hanging up his hat?

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Captain Peacock? Oh, no, running the first floor is his life.

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I'm not here to support people's lifestyles,

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I'm here to run a department store.

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I can assure you a ship needs a captain at the wheel.

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Why have cabin boys running around

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when you can have a deck covered in seamen?

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PHONE RINGS

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PHONE RINGS

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PHONE RINGS

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Grace Brothers, Ladies' Fashions,

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Miss Brahms speaking, can I help you?

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Mrs Slocombe, are you free?

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It's Mr Akbar on the phone for you.

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Mr Akbar? Yeah. On the phone?

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-Yeah.

-For me?

-Yes!

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Whatever for?

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Hello? Oh, hello, Mr Akbar, what can I do for you?

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You're phoning from where?

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Oh, what on earth are you doing there?

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Why, what's happened?

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Oh, Bloody Nora. Miss Brahms, quick, me bag.

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Is everything all right?

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I've got to nip home, cover for me.

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Oh. Ooh.

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Oof.

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No, honestly, I think Sir's made the right decision.

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Deerstalkers are definitely on their way back.

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Although it's quite warm out so if you were thinking of wearing it

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today I'd keep your flaps up or you'll be in danger of overheating.

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Mr Humphries, are you free?

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I'm free!

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Could I speak with you for a moment?

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Mr Humphries, are you having problems with your feet?

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-Oh, it's these shoes, Captain Peacock.

-What's the matter with them, are they the wrong size?

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No, they're my mother's.

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I beg your pardon?

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I'm breaking them in for her.

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She's got this wedding to go to on Saturday and these are new.

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Oh, you should have seen her tottering around the conservatory like Tina Turner.

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You are wearing women's shoes on the shop floor?

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They're a very low kitten heel, Captain Peacock.

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Mr Grainger's built-up shoe is much bigger.

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Take them off.

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Yes, Captain Peacock.

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Now then, tell me, when did you last see Mrs Slocombe?

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THEY MOUTH

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-Hmm?

-Sorry, Captain Peacock.

0:18:120:18:15

I'm not sure, just a few minutes ago, I think.

0:18:150:18:18

It's hard to tell, we've had such a run on deerstalkers.

0:18:190:18:21

Oh, really, how many have you sold?

0:18:240:18:25

Just the one.

0:18:250:18:26

Hardly a run.

0:18:280:18:29

Well, a walk of a thousand miles starts with one step.

0:18:290:18:32

Not in those shoes.

0:18:340:18:35

Anything else, Captain Peacock?

0:18:370:18:39

Yes, how is Mr Conway settling in?

0:18:390:18:42

Oh, he's a natural.

0:18:420:18:43

Extremely keen, loving the work and 100% committed to the job.

0:18:430:18:48

-And where is he now?

-He's on a fag break.

0:18:480:18:50

We do not have fag breaks, Mr Humphries.

0:18:520:18:55

We have a morning and afternoon ten-minute optional recess.

0:18:550:18:59

Oh, well, I see, then he's on an afternoon ten-minute optional recess.

0:18:590:19:03

-And when is he due to return?

-Oh, he shouldn't be long, he's only nipped out for a fag.

0:19:030:19:07

PHONE RINGS

0:19:110:19:13

Grace Brothers, Menswear.

0:19:170:19:19

Mr Grainger speaking.

0:19:200:19:22

Oh.

0:19:230:19:24

Captain Peacock, are you free?

0:19:250:19:27

I have a telephone call for you.

0:19:270:19:30

Who is it, Mr Grainger?

0:19:300:19:31

I think it's Mr Rumbold.

0:19:310:19:34

But I'm afraid I need syringing again.

0:19:340:19:38

I could open a candle factory with the amount of wax in my ears.

0:19:380:19:43

Grace Brothers, Menswear, Captain Peacock speaking.

0:19:490:19:52

Peacock, Rumbold here.

0:19:520:19:53

Just to let you know, young Mr Grace has called a meeting

0:19:530:19:56

in my office in 20 minutes.

0:19:560:19:58

No, Miss Croft, it's not long enough to go in there.

0:19:580:20:00

Don't keep tugging at it so hard, you'll end up pulling it off.

0:20:020:20:04

Is everything all right, Captain Peacock?

0:20:060:20:09

It's no use sitting there with your mouth open,

0:20:090:20:11

I need to get the thing up and running.

0:20:110:20:13

Mr Rumbold, shall I call you back?

0:20:130:20:16

Sorry, Stephen, Miss Croft and I are just struggling with my hardware.

0:20:160:20:19

I gathered that much.

0:20:210:20:23

So, that's all key members of first floor staff

0:20:230:20:26

in my office in 20 minutes.

0:20:260:20:27

Very good, sir.

0:20:270:20:28

Let's leave it there, Miss Croft.

0:20:320:20:35

Why don't you have a fiddle with it this afternoon when I have my nap?

0:20:350:20:38

Oh!

0:20:400:20:42

Glass of water for Mr Grainger.

0:20:440:20:46

Finally, I know some of you think I spend my days playing golf and my

0:20:510:20:56

nights frequenting West End strip clubs.

0:20:560:20:58

And can I just say, I highly recommend it.

0:20:580:21:01

But that aside, I do like to keep an eye on my family's department store

0:21:030:21:06

from time to time, you know?

0:21:060:21:08

Just to prevent it from being run into the ground after nearly 100

0:21:080:21:11

years of successful trading.

0:21:110:21:13

To do that we need to move with the times.

0:21:130:21:15

And of all the departments the first floor is stuck somewhere between the

0:21:150:21:18

Roman Empire and the Black Death.

0:21:180:21:20

-HE LAUGHS

-That's very good.

0:21:220:21:24

I'm going to bring Men's and Ladies' Fashions kicking and screaming into

0:21:280:21:32

1988 if it kills me.

0:21:320:21:34

Or you, I don't mind which.

0:21:340:21:36

And that's all for now.

0:21:360:21:37

Any questions, I'll be spending the rest of the day

0:21:370:21:39

working my way around the store. Thank you very much.

0:21:390:21:42

I don't know about you but I found that hugely inspirational.

0:21:470:21:49

Did he say he was going to kill one of us?

0:21:500:21:53

Just one thing, Miss Brahms, I can't see your HoD.

0:21:560:21:59

I'm not wearing one.

0:21:590:22:01

No, I mean your Head of Department, Mrs Slocombe.

0:22:030:22:05

-Erm...

-I believe Mrs Slocombe is on an afternoon ten-minute optional recess.

0:22:050:22:11

Either that or she's just nipped out for a fag.

0:22:110:22:13

Oh, OK, jolly good.

0:22:150:22:17

Back to work, everyone.

0:22:170:22:19

Stephen, would you mind chumming me back down to the first floor?

0:22:190:22:25

I'm a bag of nerves since that death threat from young Mr Grace.

0:22:250:22:29

You did what with Mrs Rumbold's dog?

0:22:330:22:36

I wouldn't recommend it, but it did the trick.

0:22:360:22:39

It stopped the poor little thing from choking to death.

0:22:390:22:41

And it stopped my old man nagging at me

0:22:410:22:43

to make more effort in trying to find a job.

0:22:430:22:45

Well, I've heard of pulling your finger out, but that's ridiculous.

0:22:450:22:49

Yeah, they're wicked. I'll take them.

0:22:510:22:54

I've got two pairs left in your size.

0:22:540:22:56

You want to take them both?

0:22:560:22:57

-I'm not sure.

-You're losing him.

0:22:590:23:02

I know. I'm trying to close the sale but I'm running out of options.

0:23:020:23:06

Wait there, I'll call for backup.

0:23:060:23:07

Ooh, great jeans.

0:23:120:23:15

-Thanks.

-They're a really good...

0:23:150:23:17

What's the word I'm looking for?

0:23:170:23:19

Fit.

0:23:190:23:20

Yeah, I'll take both pairs.

0:23:220:23:23

No problem.

0:23:240:23:26

Here we go. How do you like them apples?

0:23:260:23:30

Oh, what's this?

0:23:300:23:31

It's all the grub from the ground floor, innit?

0:23:310:23:34

-Is that caviar?

-It certainly is, my son.

0:23:340:23:37

It's not all seafood, is it?

0:23:370:23:40

We had a very nasty accident in Yarmouth with a tray of whelks,

0:23:400:23:43

a bottle of vinegar and a pair of crotchless tights.

0:23:430:23:46

Mother's never been able to look a crustacean square in the face again.

0:23:490:23:52

Where has all this food come from?

0:23:540:23:56

-Ground floor.

-Well, I'm afraid it will all have to be returned.

0:23:560:23:59

Oh, Captain Peacock, please can we have some?

0:23:590:24:02

Out of the question.

0:24:020:24:03

Food can only be consumed on the shop floor

0:24:030:24:05

if part of a recognised promotion.

0:24:050:24:08

Well, it's no skin off my nose.

0:24:080:24:10

If you don't want it,

0:24:100:24:11

I'll be very happy to leave my leftovers

0:24:110:24:14

to the overnight security boys.

0:24:140:24:16

Just one moment.

0:24:160:24:17

Were you asked to throw all this food out, Mr Harman?

0:24:170:24:21

Technically, but is there really a difference between throwing it down

0:24:210:24:26

the waste chute and throwing it down my gullet?

0:24:260:24:30

What a delightful turn of phrase he has.

0:24:300:24:33

I must say, Captain Peacock,

0:24:330:24:35

it does seem a terrible waste to throw good food away in here.

0:24:350:24:39

Oh, please, Captain Peacock.

0:24:390:24:41

And anyway, there is a promotion in the store.

0:24:410:24:44

Bazooka Brassieres.

0:24:440:24:46

And it's dead quiet on the floor.

0:24:460:24:47

Very well, I shall allow it.

0:24:490:24:51

Nice one.

0:24:510:24:52

Mmm, this is lovely, what a treat.

0:24:540:24:57

Where's old frosty knickers, then?

0:24:590:25:01

She'll be kicking herself if she misses all this.

0:25:010:25:06

-HE CHOKES

-Oh!

0:25:060:25:08

What is it, Miss Brahms?

0:25:080:25:10

It's Captain Peacock, he's choking.

0:25:100:25:12

Don't worry, I know what to do!

0:25:130:25:15

Miss Brahms, avert your eyes!

0:25:170:25:21

Don't be so stupid!

0:25:210:25:23

HE GRUNTS

0:25:230:25:26

Oh, Captain Peacock, are you all right?

0:25:350:25:37

Mr Harman, get all this food off the shop floor immediately,

0:25:370:25:40

-do you understand?

-Yes, Captain Peacock.

0:25:400:25:44

Oh, Lord, will this day never end?

0:25:440:25:48

Mr Grace.

0:25:480:25:49

Having a late lunch, Stephen?

0:25:510:25:53

Far from it, Mr Grace.

0:25:530:25:55

A short first aid demonstration for the younger and less experienced

0:25:550:26:01

member of staff.

0:26:010:26:03

Less experienced in choking on a whole lobster tail?

0:26:030:26:06

I would never doubt the enthusiasm of youth,

0:26:060:26:09

but with a senior member of staff on the shop floor one can always

0:26:090:26:13

guarantee the three Ds.

0:26:130:26:15

Diligence, Duty and Dignity.

0:26:150:26:19

Bloody hell!

0:26:320:26:34

It's the creature from the Black Lagoon.

0:26:340:26:37

What have you done with Mrs Slocombe, you beast?

0:26:380:26:41

Mrs Slocombe, where have you been?

0:26:430:26:44

Sorry, Captain Peacock, I had a call from Mr Akbar.

0:26:440:26:47

He said it was an emergency. The main waste outlet to all the flats

0:26:470:26:51

had been bunged up with a build-up of my intimate lady wipes.

0:26:510:26:55

There'd been some sort of explosion of waste.

0:27:000:27:04

My flat's knee-deep in sewage.

0:27:040:27:06

Couldn't you just call a plumber and come back to work?

0:27:070:27:10

It's a disaster area, everything is caked in muck.

0:27:100:27:13

It'll take a whole bottle of Vosene to clean my pussy.

0:27:130:27:16

What did she just say?

0:27:200:27:21

Be quiet, Mr Conway.

0:27:220:27:24

Mrs Slocombe's cat, Tiddles.

0:27:240:27:26

Tiddles? Oh, my God.

0:27:260:27:28

Mr Conway, please, a modicum of respect.

0:27:300:27:34

Mrs Slocombe wins prizes every time she shows her pussy.

0:27:340:27:38

Mrs Slocombe, go and clean yourself up in the staffroom immediately.

0:27:420:27:46

I was going to do that,

0:27:460:27:48

but I'd been ages and I knew Miss Brahms would be busting for the loo.

0:27:480:27:51

She wasn't the only one, by the look of things.

0:27:510:27:53

BOTH: Mr Conway!

0:27:530:27:55

Miss Brahms, go with Mrs Slocombe, will you?

0:27:570:28:00

And when you have fulfilled your ablutions I shall see you upstairs

0:28:000:28:03

in Mr Rumbold's office and I can assure you heads are going to roll for this.

0:28:030:28:08

And I'll see you in Rumbold's office as well.

0:28:100:28:13

Heads are going to roll.

0:28:130:28:14

Maybe one more than you think.

0:28:140:28:17

Poor Mrs Slocombe.

0:28:190:28:22

What a terrible mess.

0:28:220:28:24

I can only imagine what an appalling state her pussy is in.

0:28:240:28:28

Oh, pull yourself together!

0:28:320:28:34

Sorry, Captain Peacock, I hope this isn't a bad time,

0:28:410:28:43

but would it be possible for me

0:28:430:28:45

to take my ten-minute afternoon optional recess?

0:28:450:28:47

I could do with giving my mother's shoes one last stretch.

0:28:490:28:52

Oh, just go!

0:28:530:28:55

It's like rats leaving a sinking ship.

0:28:550:28:58

Thank you, Captain Peacock.

0:28:580:29:00

Oh, good afternoon, young man.

0:29:110:29:12

-Can I help you?

-Yeah, my mate was in here earlier,

0:29:120:29:14

bought some really cool 501s.

0:29:140:29:17

-501s?

-Yeah, 501s.

0:29:170:29:21

Oh.

0:29:210:29:23

Mr Conway, are you free?

0:29:230:29:24

Yeah, I am, as it goes.

0:29:260:29:28

Hello, mate. Are you being served?

0:29:310:29:32

# Ground floor perfumery stationary, and leather goods, wigs

0:29:360:29:39

# and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. Going up...

0:29:390:29:42

# First floor telephones, gents' ready-made suits, shirts, socks

0:29:470:29:51

# ties, hats, underwear, and shoes Going up...

0:29:510:29:54

# Second floor carpets, travel goods, and bedding, materials, soft

0:29:590:30:02

# furnishings, restaurant and teas Going down...

0:30:020:30:06

# First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits, shirts, socks

0:30:110:30:14

# ties, hats, underwear and shoes Going up...

0:30:140:30:17

# Second floor carpets, travel goods and bedding, material, soft

0:30:220:30:26

# furnishings, restaurant and teas Going down! #

0:30:260:30:29

The classic British sitcom returns for a celebratory special. Picking up where Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft's classic comedy left off, the show brings some of the nation's all-time favourite sitcom characters back to life with an all-star cast.

It is 1988, and Young Mr Grace is determined to drag Grace Brothers into, well, 1988. But he has a problem on his hands. Mr Humphries, Captain Peacock, Mr Rumbold and Mrs Slocombe all seem to be stuck in another era. A new member of staff, Mr Conway, joins the team. But will he help shake things up, or will he just put a pussy among the pigeons?


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