Backchat Looks Back Backchat with Jack Whitehall and His Dad


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Backchat Looks Back

Jack Whitehall and his father Michael review 2015. Joining them are a whole host of celeb guests to help them pick apart the highs and lows of 2015.


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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CHEERING

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Good evening and welcome to Backchat Looks Back,

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a chance for me and my father to take a look back

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over some of the big talking points of 2015.

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You won't be surprised to hear it has not been an easy thing to do

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with my father.

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We had a few differences of opinion as to what people were

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talking about in 2015.

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I felt that it was all about Kim and Kanye's new baby

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and Arsenal winning the cup.

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Daddy reckoned that everyone had been talking about

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the rising cost of vintage cognac.

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But what a year it has been.

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We had the election, where the British public decided

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we didn't want Ed Miliband because he couldn't eat a bacon sandwich.

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Yeah, 2015 was very much the year we decided that what

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we want in a leader is a man who knows his way around a bit of pig.

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LAUGHTER

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Over Easter, we had genuine drama with

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the Hatton Garden jewellery raid.

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What I love most about the Hatton Garden jewellery raid

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is that the gang were in their 70s.

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They spent ages drilling through the wall to get inside and then they

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couldn't remember why they had gone in there in the first place.

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To be honest, when I heard people had drilled through concrete

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to get their hands on £200 million worth of jewellery,

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I assumed they'd attacked Jimmy Savile's grave.

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GROANING, LAUGHTER

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Good - that joke is what we call an audience tester.

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It's good that we have worked out where the line is nice and early.

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It was a big year for TV.

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The world was shocked to hear that someone had been punched on Top Gear,

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and even more amazed to find out that it wasn't Richard Hammond.

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The X Factor had a big shake-up.

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They decided to get rid of Dermot O'Leary, Mel B, Louis Walsh

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and 60% of their viewers.

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The Voice managed to produce yet another winner who has

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never been seen again.

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Seriously, that show has made more people disappear than North Korea.

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LAUGHTER

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And it's official, ladies and gentlemen, the biggest show on TV

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once again this year was The Great British Bake Off. Oh, yes!

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I love that that's the biggest show on UK TV. I think it's fantastic.

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You can have all the drugs and violence and sex on TV.

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This nation would rather have a cheeky reference to a soggy bottom.

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No-one gets bullied or humiliated or told that their life will

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change in any way once the competition is over.

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There are no conspiracy theories or bloody Westlife music every time

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a cake doesn't rise. There's no sob stories, either, on the Bake Off.

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There's no time for sob stories. People don't have time to whinge about their aunt with

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a glass eye when they're trying to construct a scale model

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of Peterborough Town Hall out of bloody meringue.

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But the best thing about Bake Off...

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Genuinely, the best thing about the Bake Off is if you have ever tried to explain it to an American,

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they simply cannot get their heads around it.

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Ten people in a tent making custard.

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IN AMERICAN ACCENT: "But how much money do you win?

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"How much money does the winner get?"

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Nothing! Absolutely bugger all!

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That's the beauty of it. No massive cheque, no TV show, no book deal.

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At the end of ten weeks of blood, sweat and pastry, the only prize

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that the winner gets is the praise of a pensioner, and a cake stand.

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LAUGHTER

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At the cinema, we had a new Bond, Star Wars, Mad Max,

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and another Steve Jobs film.

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Can I just say, on behalf of everyone, we're done

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with the Steve Jobs films now? They only had one out the other day.

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Then, like, five minutes later, they bring out a new one that's

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a bit better, but basically does exactly the same thing.

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To be fair, it's what he would have wanted.

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LAUGHTER

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2015 saw technology cross new frontiers.

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You could stay in a robot hotel, drive a driverless car

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if you dared, or travel by Swegway

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if you didn't mind looking like an absolute swanker.

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It also saw Apple launch a watch that you can talk to.

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To be fair, long before Apple launched that product,

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I had told my father that his new digital watch was voice-activated.

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To be honest, I do it with all technology that my parents now buy.

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Printer, new microwave - I just tell

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my dad that it's voice-activated, then sit back and enjoy the show.

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Trust me, you have not known true joy until you have seen a 75-year-old man

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tell an electric blanket to go fuck itself.

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LAUGHTER

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Anyway, let's welcome out the old dear.

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Yes, he is Britain's answer to Donald Trump,

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if the question America was asking was,

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"I wonder what Donald Trump would be like if he was even more right wing?"

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's my co-host, Michael Whitehall.

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CHEERING

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LAUGHTER

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-Not in a good mood... Hello, Father.

-I'm fine. I'm fine.

-How are you?

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-I brought my diary. That's all right, isn't it?

-Your diary.

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-What is it, a review of the year? Are we going to go through your diary day by day, are we?

-No.

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A lot of doctor's appointments, I imagine.

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I've just jotted down a few things.

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So, Father, we're going to be taking a look back over the year.

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We are reviewing the year. What you can remember of it.

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To be honest, I imagine I will be doing most of the stories from January to November

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and then you can pick up somewhere around...this morning.

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LAUGHTER

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Depending on whether you had that glass of wine at lunch.

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-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-It's going to be a very fun and frivolous show.

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We're going to be looking back, having fun with the big stories.

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These people haven't come to listen to you wittering on.

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-Let's do some serious stuff.

-Like what?

-How about immigration?

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-Can we get into that?

-Yeah, let's start with immigration(!)

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That's a really fun place to start for this entertainment show.

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No, we're going to look at things like music, TV, film.

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But it's going to be fun. We don't want to be talking about immigration.

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Let's start with films. What was your favourite film of 2015, Father?

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I think the reprint of Brief Encounter...

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-That's not your favourite film of 2015.

-Yeah.

-When was that film made?

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-1948, 1949.

-It wasn't your favourite film of 2015, it was made in 1948.

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It was in special high definition.

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Celia Johnson's face looked amazing.

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Well, good on Celia Johnson, whoever she is.

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I'm talking about a film that was made this year.

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It has to be a film from this year. What films did you like this year?

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I saw that horror film.

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And you know I don't really like horror films,

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but I have to say, I did actually think it was quite good.

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But it was really, really scary.

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-Insidious?

-No.

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Paranormal Activity?

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Suffragette.

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LAUGHTER

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Right. 2015 is too big a year for us to deal with on our own.

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So we've got some guests to help with the heavy lifting

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and to balance out the opinions of a ranting pensioner.

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What an all-rounder my first guest is.

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He's a comedian, impressionist, singer, actor, game-show host,

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lover, dancer, and possibly cage fighter.

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It's the brilliant Rob Brydon.

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And with him is the host of Only Connect,

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the show so smart it makes QI look like Celebrity Juice.

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Would you please welcome Victoria Coren Mitchell!

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Lovely to see you.

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Victoria, Rob, thank you so much for coming on the show.

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So, 2015. Victoria - presumably your personal highlight was having a baby?

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-Well...

-APPLAUSE

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Well, I also got a wireless printer.

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It's amazing.

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Is that as amazing as having a human?

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Created by you?

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I feel like more people have had a baby than have used a wireless printer.

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-Just technologically...

-That is true.

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Yes, no, look, it's lovely to have a baby. And I worry about...

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Not everyone has them. Some people want them.

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They don't to hear me wanging on about how it's great.

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It's also important to emphasise it is brilliant NOT to have a baby.

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And you had a baby girl, which is wonderful.

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Father, you've had girls and boys.

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What would you say is easier, in your opinion?

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Girls.

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My daughter Molly, she was just beautiful and no trouble. He...

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Nightmare.

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Let me tell you, he used to poo in his nappy...

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-Why? What...?

-..three, four, five,

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six times a day. But it wasn't just a straight poo. He would arrive...

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-Let me put this down.

-Why... Why?

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He would arrive in the room, usually when we had guests,

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because coming from a showbiz family, we had

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quite a lot of famous people.

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He would come in with a nappy hanging off him,

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with the poo in it.

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And then in this department, it was all caked in.

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LAUGHTER

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-Which you don't get with girls.

-I had a settling-in question.

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This is what you call, in a chat show, a settler question.

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You bring guests out and you settle them by talking about stuff.

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That is the least settling thing to ever talk about.

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Well, it made a big change to my life.

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Judi Dench has never spoken to me since that night. You know what you did with her.

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I know, but I wouldn't be complaining about changing my nappies,

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because I'm going to be doing it for you soon.

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LAUGHTER

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So hurtful.

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-You don't have children, do you, Jack?

-I don't.

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No, I think that's for the best.

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LAUGHTER

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The words Social Services...

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The thought of this man responsible for a child.

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Rob, your personal highlight? Maybe turning 50? You turned 50 this year.

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I did, yes. I was 50. So that was... I already have children.

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I have done all that. So turning 50 was a big deal.

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You know, it's quite a milestone.

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-Have you had any midlife crisis stuff?

-You start...

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Things definitely start to change.

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You start to feel the aches and pains a bit more.

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You don't get up quite so quickly.

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You make the noise when you sit down.

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-GROANING:

-Oh, here we go!

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You do that quite involuntarily. So it's not great, you know.

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But I'm taking it in my stride.

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So that is Rob and Victoria's personal highlights of 2015.

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But what did Herr Father find most interesting this year?

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We decided to take him to an edit suite so he could pick

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video clips of what he considered to be the year's biggest events.

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After I had explained to him what an edit suite was

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and videos were, it looked something like this.

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The year's most notable event was the glorious return to power of

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the Conservative Party, who defeated the socialists by a landslide.

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Was it?!

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Right, those people are not celebrating David Cameron's

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-election victory.

-Of course they are.

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That one's in black and white.

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Anyway, surely the bigger story from the election is the SNP's

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incredible performance?

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The less said about that Jimmy Krankie lookalike, the better.

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-Right, you cannot say that about Nicola Sturgeon.

-Well, I have.

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A new Labour leader. The great Jeremy Corbyn.

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What's Jeremy Corbyn doing in your highlights package?

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I'm a huge fan of Corbyn's. I think he's an amazing man.

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Princess Charlotte's arrival was a highlight of everyone's year.

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-Slightly less surprising choice.

-Your mother loves a royal baby.

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Got her a bit broody.

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I won't go into too much detail, but let's say

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we pushed the beds together.

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LAUGHTER

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You have gone into too much detail.

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Ah, so what's this story?

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Let me guess. The Queen giving the old...

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-Nazi salute.

-Oh, don't be ridiculous.

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This is about her being the longest-reigning monarch

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-of all time.

-I mean, they do last a lot longer

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-when they don't have to ride into battle.

-Shh!

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I wanted this whole show to be about this story.

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The Backchat Royal Special.

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Oh, my hero!

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THAT'S who I wanted as our studio guest.

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What a wonderful achievement. 63 years on the throne.

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Right, I think we've heard enough of this. Can we move on to another story, please?

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Right, this is the Queen's new portrait on the £1 coin.

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-An amazing likeness.

-Right, no more royal stories, please.

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-We've heard enough of the Royals.

-This is your monarch.

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-Do you have no respect for her?

-I... She's great. Good on her.

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But can we have a story that isn't related to the Royals?

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All right, all right. No more royal stories.

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You must have one highlight from this year that's a little bit more exciting?

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OK. If you are talking about exciting, look at this.

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Now, this was the completion of the restoration work on

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Lye and Wollescote Chapel.

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I mean...you've got to be kidding me.

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Amazing, isn't it? They did a beautiful job.

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-This is one of your highlights of the year?

-Yeah.

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The restoration work to some random chapel.

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-You've never heard of that chapel?

-No!

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Anyway, I know why you're doing this. You've just brought this up

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because you want the bloke that did the restoration work to do you.

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-Give the scaffolder a shout out.

-Very funny.

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Give you 25% off a touch-up.

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LAUGHTER

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The only person I allow to touch me up is your mother.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, this was the highlight and the lowlight of

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the wonderful Downton Abbey coming to an end.

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It was such a fantastic show.

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And you know me, I don't usually like reality television.

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It's not a reality show.

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Why do they have to show this bit?

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-Oh, I didn't like this bit at all.

-Really?

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This is probably my favourite scene ever.

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HE CHOKES

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It reminded me a bit of that dinner party we had

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when Mummy told you she had bought in the food from Lidl.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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OK. So there we have some items.

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I think we'll skip over Lye and Wollescote Chapel

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and go to the election first.

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So, Victoria, how did the opinion polls get it so wrong?

0:14:460:14:49

I don't know.

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-I bet on an outright Tory win and made quite a lot of money.

-Did you?

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-Yeah.

-Because all the polls said it would be the other way.

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They said it was because... Did they say ashamed Tories?

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-Shy Tories.

-Or was it shy Tories? Shy Tories.

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People who are too embarrassed to say they were going to

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vote for Cameron, but when it came to it, actually went and did it.

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As opposed to a proud Tory?

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Father, were you excited about the prospect of Ed Miliband getting in?

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-I imagine you were.

-No, you know I wasn't. You know what I would do.

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I had made... I mean, not final plans,

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but I had pretty much worked out how I could live in Sydney, Australia.

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My friend Diana Fisher had found a really nice house. Four bedrooms.

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-You were going to emigrate?

-Looking out at Sydney Harbour Bridge.

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-Absolute rubbish.

-What do you mean?

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The only way you're going to Australia is if

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I'm A Celebrity drop the need for a medical.

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LAUGHTER

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Do you think one of the things that is going to haunt Ed is this?

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Ed's decision to get the old policies up on a stone.

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How can you get it so wrong?

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This man - and there's a fair chance you might lose -

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let's have something that looks like a tombstone?

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Daddy, you paid to have your political manifesto carved into a stone.

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-No.

-You did! We have a picture of it. There it was.

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LAUGHTER

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There is going to be someone at home, a member of the Ukip Party

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that's watching this and going, "That's a bloody good idea."

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I like Ed Miliband. I like him. I think he's rather attractive.

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-I could see him on Only Connect.

-He's quite Only Connect.

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-He's very Only Connect.

-He is. He's one of our kinds of person.

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If the world is ready to have a quizzer Prime Minister,

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they need to come and have a chat with me first.

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I have a theory that the British people -

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regardless of all the democracy that there is now, by social media,

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everybody has a voice - there's a part of us,

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deeply ingrained, that wants to be governed by posh people.

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-Something in us responds. That's why Downton Abbey is so popular.

-Yeah.

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-We like people who talk like this.

-POSH VOICE:

-And now we've got

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a Prime Minister who talks like that, we've got

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a Chancellor who talks like that.

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You like a pilot that talks like that, as well.

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That's why I always go British Airways.

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They do sound very, very posh.

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-POSH VOICE:

-"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard

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"this British Airways flight to Bahrain. My name is

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"Captain Fotherington-Smythe. I went to Cambridge.

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"You're safe." Whereas on easyJet,

0:17:270:17:30

it's more like a local radio DJ.

0:17:300:17:33

-LADDISH VOICE:

-"A very good morning to you, ladies.

0:17:330:17:37

"And, gentlemen, thanks for bringing them onboard."

0:17:370:17:40

I like that educated voice.

0:17:420:17:45

I was on a German airline once and it had the best pilot ever.

0:17:450:17:47

Again, it was exactly the same thing.

0:17:470:17:49

You just felt like you were totally safe in his hands.

0:17:490:17:52

I'm a really nervous flyer.

0:17:520:17:53

We went through this pocket of turbulence

0:17:530:17:55

and he came onto the PA system and he was like...

0:17:550:17:57

SHOUTING IN A GERMAN ACCENT: "Ladies and gentlemen, please do not be alarmed!"

0:17:570:18:00

Cue everyone shitting themselves.

0:18:000:18:04

And the best thing I ever heard...

0:18:040:18:05

He went, "We are experiencing some turbulence problems,

0:18:050:18:09

"but do not worry, I will find solution to the weather!"

0:18:090:18:12

LAUGHTER

0:18:120:18:15

What has gone is statesmanship.

0:18:150:18:17

People used to like to have a statesman running the country.

0:18:170:18:21

Anthony Eden, Harold Macmillan.

0:18:210:18:23

You're going back quite a long way, aren't you?

0:18:230:18:26

Winston Churchill.

0:18:260:18:28

I can do even better than that. But now, what you get is that man.

0:18:280:18:33

-Jeremy Corbyn?

-Jeremy Corbyn. In those sandals.

0:18:330:18:36

-Technically, Jeremy Corbyn is not running the country.

-No.

0:18:360:18:39

He's not running the Labour Party. Let's be honest.

0:18:390:18:43

The Corbyn appeal is very clearly that he is the antimatter to

0:18:430:18:47

-Cameron, isn't he?

-Yeah.

-He is the exact opposite. Cameron is polished.

0:18:470:18:52

Cameron looks like he could really efficiently run

0:18:520:18:56

a big branch of Foxtons.

0:18:560:18:57

LAUGHTER

0:18:570:18:59

And he would run it like a dream. I mean...

0:18:590:19:03

And you would get to know him in the community.

0:19:030:19:05

And you'd say, "I really hope Dave shows us around the house,

0:19:050:19:09

"because he's lovely. And I think he's going to get us a good deal."

0:19:090:19:11

And I think that's it.

0:19:110:19:13

Now, HE looks like he would struggle to run a Greggs.

0:19:130:19:17

-Doesn't he? But I feel he is telling the truth.

-Yeah!

0:19:170:19:21

-That's the big difference. Oh...

-Ah, here he is.

0:19:210:19:25

He looks like someone that's had his luggage lost on a flight.

0:19:250:19:29

You asked me why I picked Corbyn in that little thing we did.

0:19:290:19:33

You're a fan of his? Because he's an older gentleman like you?

0:19:330:19:36

I said I was a fan of his because he has ensured that

0:19:360:19:40

there will certainly never be another socialist government

0:19:400:19:43

in my lifetime.

0:19:430:19:44

And probably not in yours. So, for me, he is a hero.

0:19:440:19:48

He's done a wonderful job.

0:19:480:19:50

Nicola Sturgeon, again,

0:19:500:19:52

a very different voice to have in politics now.

0:19:520:19:55

Do we remember how The Sun celebrated having

0:19:550:19:57

a strong female presence on the political...?

0:19:570:20:00

LAUGHTER

0:20:000:20:03

Um... Father, were you happy about the SNP,

0:20:030:20:06

and how well they did in the election?

0:20:060:20:08

Why am I even asking that question?

0:20:080:20:09

No. I mean, I'm all in favour of them...

0:20:090:20:11

I think everyone should go where they want to go.

0:20:110:20:15

I think we should get rid of the Scots,

0:20:150:20:18

SNP and all that.

0:20:180:20:19

Get rid of them?

0:20:190:20:20

-Just move them up to Scotland.

-They're already in Scotland.

0:20:200:20:24

Technically, Scotland is already in Scotland.

0:20:240:20:27

To make it a kind of independent Scotland,

0:20:270:20:29

I think, is a very good idea.

0:20:290:20:31

-Right.

-And gradually move some of the other... I mean, I love Wales.

0:20:310:20:35

-I go to Wales a lot.

-Oh, here we go. Here we go!

0:20:350:20:38

-I have a lot of friends in Wales.

-Have you?

0:20:380:20:40

I mean, they're all English, but, I mean, I know...

0:20:400:20:42

LAUGHTER

0:20:420:20:44

.. a big circle of Welsh friends and I'm very fond of Wales,

0:20:440:20:47

but if Wales wanted to go off...

0:20:470:20:50

Where?!

0:20:500:20:52

-Well, their own country.

-Into the sea!

0:20:520:20:54

They want their own country.

0:20:540:20:55

Then in East Anglia, with all that interbreeding.

0:20:570:21:00

STOP!

0:21:000:21:01

LAUGHTER

0:21:010:21:02

So, what's left?

0:21:020:21:03

Then we just have one country, a sort of smaller country,

0:21:030:21:07

which would have London at its centre

0:21:070:21:10

and the sort of Home Counties.

0:21:100:21:13

-So you'd have Surrey, Sussex, that area...

-Essex?

0:21:130:21:18

-No, not Essex.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:180:21:20

It would be the Southern Home Counties and London

0:21:200:21:24

and then you'd call it whatever you wanted.

0:21:240:21:26

Londonshire or London something and then you get...

0:21:260:21:30

Then Boris would be perfect to organise it all.

0:21:300:21:34

You are aware this show doesn't just go out in London as well.

0:21:340:21:37

-It will be shown in Scotland.

-Is it?

0:21:370:21:40

LAUGHTER

0:21:400:21:41

-I thought that was separate. BBC Scotland. No?

-No.

0:21:410:21:44

Because, when you watch television, they say,

0:21:440:21:47

"We welcome viewers from BBC Scotland" sometimes, don't they?

0:21:470:21:50

Yes.

0:21:500:21:51

On this, they say, "If you're watching this on BBC Scotland,

0:21:510:21:54

"it's probably best you switch off now."

0:21:540:21:56

When I grew up in Wales, they'd have some fantastic show coming up

0:21:560:21:59

on BBC One and then they would say, "except for viewers in Wales."

0:21:590:22:03

And then we would get the farming news or...

0:22:030:22:06

-Pobly Cym.

-Or Pobly Cym, yeah.

0:22:060:22:09

In Wales, yes, we've got an Assembly,

0:22:090:22:12

but that's an excuse for a chat.

0:22:120:22:14

That's what that is. We don't have a...

0:22:140:22:16

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-"You can take our land,

0:22:160:22:18

"but you'll never take our freedom." We're more...

0:22:180:22:21

-HIGH-PITCHED WELSH ACCENT:

-"You can take our land!"

0:22:210:22:24

LAUGHTER

0:22:240:22:27

It's just very, very different personalities.

0:22:270:22:29

"Don't forget our freedom before you go!"

0:22:290:22:32

LAUGHTER

0:22:320:22:34

"Thanks for coming! Give us a ring when you get back."

0:22:340:22:37

Before this turns into Newsnight, we're going to move on from politics.

0:22:380:22:41

We're going to turn our attention to some of the salacious scandals

0:22:410:22:45

that we had this year.

0:22:450:22:46

First up, we're going to be talking about

0:22:460:22:49

the hacking of the Ashley Madison database.

0:22:490:22:51

Oh!

0:22:510:22:52

This was a story from earlier in the year, when 33 million people

0:22:520:22:56

who were looking for affairs online

0:22:560:22:58

had their details released to the world.

0:22:580:23:00

Rob, were you sweating?

0:23:000:23:01

-Well, I feel...

-LAUGHTER

0:23:010:23:03

I feel strongly about this.

0:23:030:23:05

If you... And I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it.

0:23:050:23:07

If you are going to cheat on your partner, on your spouse,

0:23:070:23:12

and you're doing it through a website, there has to be trust.

0:23:120:23:17

LAUGTHER

0:23:200:23:22

I mean, there was a complete breakdown of that trust.

0:23:220:23:26

That's no way to run an affair!

0:23:270:23:29

LAUGHTER

0:23:290:23:30

Well, what everyone said, which I found hilarious, people always said,

0:23:300:23:34

"My e-mail address was used."

0:23:340:23:35

And the site, I think, tried to help their customers by saying,

0:23:350:23:38

"Oh, no. We never check the e-mail address."

0:23:380:23:41

As if you would register for a sex site

0:23:410:23:42

-with someone else's e-mail address.

-I know.

0:23:420:23:44

What is the point of that? Or the sex offers.

0:23:440:23:46

I don't really know how it works. Is that how it works?

0:23:460:23:49

The sex offers would be posted to the other...

0:23:490:23:51

No, not one person ever used someone else... A friend of theirs.

0:23:510:23:55

Yeah, and then the sex can just be sent to them.

0:23:550:23:58

Father, did you hear about Ashley Madison?

0:23:580:24:01

-I did, yes.

-Are you aware of it?

0:24:010:24:03

Yes, only...only vaguely.

0:24:030:24:05

But a successful man like you,

0:24:050:24:08

-an alpha male, if I can use...

-Oh, thank you.

-Well, I have!

0:24:080:24:11

..use that expression, surely will have had opportunities

0:24:110:24:15

over the years on business trips into the Home Counties...

0:24:150:24:19

-LAUGHTER

-..and sometimes beyond.

-Yes.

0:24:190:24:22

Did you ever succumb, on a dark night, in the Winchester Travelodge?

0:24:220:24:26

LAUGHTER

0:24:260:24:27

Thinking of Mrs Whitehall back home, struggling,

0:24:270:24:30

as he was flinging his faeces around the room,

0:24:300:24:33

pelting, pebble dashing Judi Dench.

0:24:330:24:37

Did you ever think, "Well, look, I deserve a little break from it"?

0:24:370:24:40

-You don't have to answer that question!

-No.

0:24:400:24:43

LAUGHTER

0:24:430:24:44

Now, it was also a bad year for going to the dentist,

0:24:440:24:47

particularly if you were a Zimbabwean lion.

0:24:470:24:49

There was outrage earlier this year

0:24:490:24:52

when an American dentist paid 50,000 US dollars to have an elderly lion

0:24:520:24:57

lured out of a game reserve so he could shoot it.

0:24:570:25:00

It was a despicable act

0:25:000:25:01

and made for a very controversial episode of The Hunt.

0:25:010:25:03

Er... My favourite thing about this is there was a petition signed

0:25:030:25:08

and sent to Robert Mugabe.

0:25:080:25:10

When you're trying to get Robert Mugabe

0:25:100:25:12

to step in as the moral arbiter,

0:25:120:25:13

you know something has gone seriously wrong.

0:25:130:25:16

LAUGHTER

0:25:160:25:17

That's one of the things that was weird about the story,

0:25:170:25:20

because it's just been a year of such sort of...

0:25:200:25:22

You know, terrible mass death among people - Happy Christmas! -

0:25:220:25:25

that people can't cope, they don't know what to do about that.

0:25:250:25:28

They're absolutely flummoxed and, somehow, one lion -

0:25:280:25:30

it's terrible and tragic and the dentist is a real tosser -

0:25:300:25:34

but it doesn't ultimately matter compared to the huge numbers

0:25:340:25:36

of people that died, but we don't know what to do about that.

0:25:360:25:39

You can get your head round this more easily, can't you?

0:25:390:25:41

To be honest, I'd only just got over the death of Mufasa when this appeared.

0:25:410:25:45

LAUGHTER

0:25:450:25:46

It's also shocking how much it cost, like,

0:25:460:25:48

when you read that it's 50,000 to shoot a lion,

0:25:480:25:51

I was also worried about how much dentists are getting paid.

0:25:510:25:54

You would be so annoyed if you were one of his patients.

0:25:540:25:56

I could tell you about how much dentists cost.

0:25:560:26:00

I mean, I had his teeth...

0:26:000:26:01

I mean, you wouldn't believe his teeth.

0:26:010:26:04

-Were they bad?

-Oh, terrible

0:26:040:26:06

And his sister, Molly, really bad.

0:26:060:26:09

I just thought, we'll punt in some money.

0:26:090:26:11

You know, we were paying money in school fees.

0:26:110:26:13

-What?

-What about Barnaby, your other child's teeth?

-Barnaby.

0:26:130:26:17

No, we left those.

0:26:170:26:19

-Um...

-Do we not talk about Barnaby?

-No!

0:26:190:26:22

I spent so much money on their teeth from the age of sort of five or six,

0:26:220:26:26

right through to sort of 18 or 19.

0:26:260:26:30

And the dentist made a fortune.

0:26:300:26:32

I met him once on his way to the Isle of Man,

0:26:320:26:34

you know, stuffing away a bit of money.

0:26:340:26:37

I mean, he could have shot a pride of lions with the amount of money

0:26:370:26:40

that I paid him, Mr... erm. What was he called?

0:26:400:26:43

Don't say his name on TV!

0:26:430:26:45

LAUGHTER

0:26:450:26:46

Um, now, Daddy, being the old queen that you are,

0:26:460:26:49

we know you wanted to talk about the Royal year.

0:26:490:26:52

So, to help us do that, will you please welcome a royal biographer

0:26:520:26:55

and, more importantly, the real Queen of the Jungle, ladies and gentlemen,

0:26:550:27:00

it's Lady Colin Campbell!

0:27:000:27:02

CHEERING

0:27:060:27:09

-Hello, Lady Colin Campbell.

-Hello.

-Lovely to see you.

-Lovely to see you!

0:27:130:27:18

Lady C, thank you so much for joining us

0:27:180:27:20

and bringing Cecil the lion as well, by the looks of things.

0:27:200:27:23

Now, I loved you in I'm A Celebrity.

0:27:230:27:25

Absolutely amazing. Have you recovered from that experience yet?

0:27:250:27:29

-Oh, yes!

-You were pleased to be out of there?

0:27:290:27:32

Oh, darling! Who would want to be in my place?

0:27:330:27:36

It was a hell hole filled with two ghastly people

0:27:360:27:40

and some other reasonably nice people.

0:27:400:27:43

MUTED LAUGHTER

0:27:430:27:44

You were very clear on I'm A Celebrity that you were doing it

0:27:440:27:47

-to pay for the roof of your, um, castle.

-Yes.

0:27:470:27:50

Are the repairs going well?

0:27:500:27:52

Well... Yes, they're going all right,

0:27:520:27:55

but I could do with a lot more money.

0:27:550:27:58

-A lot more money.

-A lot more money, yes.

0:27:580:28:01

Is that why you're here this evening?

0:28:010:28:03

Yes, that's why I was in the jungle. You know, a roof is

0:28:030:28:07

a very expensive proposition and the rest of it needs to be done as well.

0:28:070:28:12

So...

0:28:120:28:13

I'm sorry, the fee you will have got for tonight

0:28:130:28:15

wouldn't pay for a chimney pot, would it?!

0:28:150:28:17

LAUGHTER

0:28:170:28:18

Unless you've got a special deal.

0:28:180:28:21

I think it would pay for two chimney pots.

0:28:210:28:23

LAUGHTER

0:28:230:28:24

-Obviously, in the jungle, you lost your temper.

-No!

0:28:240:28:28

-A little bit!

-No!

0:28:280:28:30

You had quite...

0:28:300:28:31

I was a model of restraint, let me tell you.

0:28:310:28:34

If you had known what was going on, if you had been there,

0:28:340:28:37

I was an absolute model of restraint.

0:28:370:28:40

I should have lost my temper a lot sooner and a lot more.

0:28:400:28:44

You're the only person who made my dad look like the Dalai llama.

0:28:440:28:47

LAUGHTER

0:28:470:28:49

You were firing on all cylinders!

0:28:490:28:51

Anyone who didn't see it, we have to, now, have a little reminder

0:28:510:28:54

of Lady Colin Campbell in action in the jungle.

0:28:540:28:57

This is what happens when a member of the aristocracy

0:28:570:29:00

is forced to live for seven days on a diet of crocodile dick.

0:29:000:29:05

You can all bugger off! I'm going back to camp.

0:29:050:29:08

There is nothing anybody can say to me

0:29:080:29:11

that is going to induce me to change my mind.

0:29:110:29:14

-You won't even give it a go?

-Absolutely not a chance.

0:29:140:29:17

Are you sure?

0:29:170:29:19

Do I look as if I'm not sure?

0:29:190:29:20

-I just think you might as well give it a go.

-Why should I?

0:29:200:29:23

-Well, I'm just...

-Absolutely not!

-We...

0:29:230:29:25

I think the whole thing is an impertinence and an outrage.

0:29:250:29:28

-I know, but...

-No is the answer!

0:29:280:29:30

-There's a...

-No, no, no!

-There's a...

0:29:300:29:34

-LAUGHTER

-Somebody needs to take me back!

0:29:340:29:39

LAUGHTER

0:29:390:29:41

The question on everyone's lips, have you bought a Christmas present

0:29:450:29:49

for Tony Hadley or Duncan Bannatyne?

0:29:490:29:51

Who are those people?

0:29:510:29:53

LAUGHTER Can I say, the other thing about you

0:29:530:29:56

-that I absolutely adore is your voice.

-Thank you.

0:29:560:29:58

Your voice is what every accent I try to do ends up sounding like.

0:29:580:30:03

LAUGHTER

0:30:030:30:04

-Really?

-Yeah. Posh Jamaican, everything.

0:30:040:30:07

Geordie - Posh Jamaican. Everything.

0:30:070:30:10

-Did you grow up in Jamaica?

-Yes, of course.

0:30:100:30:12

Well, you say "of course". I don't know!

0:30:120:30:15

Everyone grew up in Jamaica except you!

0:30:150:30:17

-Oh, OK.

-With an accent like mine, where else could I have grown-up?

0:30:170:30:21

Highgrove?

0:30:210:30:23

LAUGHTER

0:30:230:30:25

Now, Lady C, you are, of course, by trade a royal biographer.

0:30:250:30:28

This year, the Queen became our longest-reigning monarch.

0:30:280:30:31

My question to you, though, is is it time she stood aside

0:30:310:30:35

-and let Harry have a go?

-Harry?

-Yeah.

0:30:350:30:37

-Darling!

-Everyone would love him to have a go.

0:30:370:30:39

Darling, with due respect, the monarchy is not a comedic exercise.

0:30:390:30:43

LAUGHTER

0:30:430:30:45

You know, he's a very good-looking guy.

0:30:450:30:48

He's great fun, but you want a head of state

0:30:480:30:51

who's wonderful as the Queen is.

0:30:510:30:53

She's the most experienced politician on earth.

0:30:530:30:57

I mean, why would she step aside for...

0:30:570:31:01

a hunky, chunky, dunky guy that really isn't even in line

0:31:010:31:05

to succeed to the throne.

0:31:050:31:07

Unless there is a very convenient plane crash that gets rid of

0:31:070:31:11

brother, nephew and niece.

0:31:110:31:14

Come on! Give me a break!

0:31:140:31:17

If anything happened to the Queen, God forbid,

0:31:170:31:20

I would like to see Prince Philip take over as Prince Regent.

0:31:200:31:25

LAUGHTER

0:31:250:31:26

He's 94!

0:31:260:31:28

He's an amazing man.

0:31:280:31:29

Actually, was an amazing man. He still is, but he's very old now.

0:31:290:31:34

But he was the father of the ecological movement.

0:31:340:31:37

I mean, Prince Philip has been sorely underrated.

0:31:370:31:41

Where has he been badly rated? On Amazon?

0:31:410:31:43

LAUGHTER

0:31:430:31:45

-You mean, just in the way people make fun of him and...

-Yes.

0:31:450:31:48

-People like him. Young comedians.

-I'm not making fun of him!

0:31:480:31:51

I think his life has had some compensations.

0:31:510:31:54

How do you mean compensations? What do you mean?

0:31:540:31:56

Well, I mean his great fleet of palaces,

0:31:560:32:00

the constant foreign travel,

0:32:000:32:02

guest of honour, the endless money, jewels, cars, boats, planes,

0:32:020:32:07

the Royal train, the fleet of servants...

0:32:070:32:10

You're talking about Lady C's rider now!

0:32:100:32:12

LAUGHTER

0:32:120:32:14

My favourite moment of the Royal year came from Michael Whitehall's

0:32:140:32:17

spirit animal, Prince Philip,

0:32:170:32:19

who took no prisoners during a royal photocall.

0:32:190:32:22

-PRESENTER:

-And at a reception with Battle of Britain pilots,

0:32:220:32:25

the Duke, perhaps momentarily, became rather too at ease

0:32:250:32:28

among other military veterans,

0:32:280:32:31

telling the photographer to get on with it in no uncertain terms.

0:32:310:32:35

BLEEP!

0:32:350:32:36

Of course, the year wasn't just jam-packed with a general election,

0:32:450:32:49

huge breaches of personal data,

0:32:490:32:50

cruelty to animals and the birth of a possible future Queen,

0:32:500:32:54

there was some important stuff, too.

0:32:540:32:55

Here's a round-up of my biggest talking points of the year.

0:32:550:32:59

The biggest story this year was the tragedy that rocked us all.

0:32:590:33:02

-No, no, he's not.

-I don't believe that.

-No, he's not.

0:33:020:33:05

It's true.

0:33:050:33:06

This will be the death of former Foreign Secretary Geoffrey Howe.

0:33:060:33:10

No, it's One Direction splitting up.

0:33:120:33:15

# Saw the mistakes of up and down

0:33:150:33:19

# Meet in the middle... #

0:33:190:33:20

-Who?

-One Direction.

0:33:200:33:22

# Nobody can drag me down... #

0:33:220:33:26

Unbelievable!

0:33:260:33:28

In happier news, my broken heart was put back together

0:33:280:33:31

when Charlie rejoined Busted.

0:33:310:33:33

Oh, joy of joys! That is what I go to school for.

0:33:330:33:36

# That's what I go to school for

0:33:360:33:39

# Even though it isn't real, boy... #

0:33:390:33:42

I spent a fortune on your education. Look what I've ended up with!

0:33:420:33:46

You talking about this drivel.

0:33:460:33:48

OK. Well, my next highlight from the year was the Queen.

0:33:480:33:53

-Good!

-Doing a Nazi salute.

0:33:530:33:55

-Nonsense!

-It wasn't.

0:33:570:33:59

No, the whole thing was rubbish.

0:33:590:34:01

We all do silly things when we are a child.

0:34:010:34:03

You were always getting your willy out in front of everybody.

0:34:030:34:07

Right, one of my favourite moments of 2015 was surely this,

0:34:070:34:11

our first female bishop.

0:34:110:34:13

Yep, just 500 short years after the formation of the Anglican Church,

0:34:130:34:17

they finally decided to let women have a go, too.

0:34:170:34:20

I think it's best if I don't comment...

0:34:220:34:25

LAUGHTER

0:34:250:34:26

..other than to say, if God wanted women to be bishops,

0:34:260:34:31

he wouldn't have given them...

0:34:310:34:33

It was also a great year for the Lionesses.

0:34:330:34:35

The England Women's team proved

0:34:350:34:37

that they are just as good as the men and that their place is on the pitch.

0:34:370:34:41

I know what you're doing and I won't rise to it.

0:34:420:34:46

-David Cameron next.

-Much better.

0:34:460:34:48

So, you agree with me, the Tory election...

0:34:480:34:51

What is that?

0:34:510:34:53

This was the big story about

0:34:530:34:54

the Government's new quota for meat and poultry imports.

0:34:540:34:57

Why, what did you think...?

0:34:570:34:59

Oh, my God, you didn't think that this was about...?

0:34:590:35:02

-So rank.

-What? No, I'm just doing a story about farming.

0:35:020:35:05

You've assumed that it's about someone putting their dick in a pig.

0:35:050:35:10

And finally, my hero of the year was Caitlyn Jenner,

0:35:100:35:13

a woman whose bravery and dignity was a lesson to us all.

0:35:130:35:17

Mmm. Very fine looking woman, I'd say.

0:35:170:35:21

I'd take her to the Ivy for a quiet supper.

0:35:220:35:26

I might even take her back to Putney for a glass of port afterwards.

0:35:260:35:31

She's become such an icon in 2015,

0:35:310:35:33

we barely even remember she used to be Bruce.

0:35:330:35:36

You go to a lot of Hollywood stuff and...

0:35:360:35:39

LAUGHTER

0:35:400:35:42

Are you... Are you OK? Father?

0:35:450:35:48

You've gone a little pale.

0:35:500:35:51

Daddy?

0:35:530:35:55

I think I'm going to have to go and get a breath of air.

0:35:550:35:58

CHEERING

0:36:010:36:03

I don't... I mean, I'm absolutely fine about her. I really am.

0:36:100:36:14

We're going to move on. I don't want to dwell on it for too long,

0:36:150:36:19

because I know everyone is still a little bit...a little bit raw.

0:36:190:36:23

One Direction splitting up -

0:36:230:36:25

Rob, are you crying into your pillow every night?

0:36:250:36:28

I took the break-up of One Direction remarkably well.

0:36:280:36:32

I said to myself when I heard, "I'm not going to let this get to me"

0:36:330:36:37

and I... It passed me by almost without notice.

0:36:370:36:40

Lady C, were you upset about One Direction?

0:36:420:36:44

I've never heard anything they've done

0:36:440:36:46

and, with a bit of luck, I never will.

0:36:460:36:49

-Wow.

-My knowledge of...

-More of a Wanted fan, methinks.

0:36:510:36:55

I really worry that, as that was the One Direction chat,

0:36:560:37:00

that this next segment may be a bit of a struggle as well.

0:37:000:37:03

It was a huge year for Justin Bieber...

0:37:030:37:06

He spent most of the time trying to redeem his image.

0:37:060:37:10

However, he found himself most talked about in 2015

0:37:100:37:13

when this picture of him on holiday appeared on the internet.

0:37:130:37:16

We've had to censor it out.

0:37:180:37:19

-That's horrible.

-This was a photo that was released online this year

0:37:190:37:23

of Justin Bieber. What was most incredible, though, about this

0:37:230:37:26

picture coming out was the response of Justin Bieber's estranged father,

0:37:260:37:30

who used this opportunity to get in touch with his son via Twitter

0:37:300:37:34

with this genuine message to his son...

0:37:340:37:36

Well, I can tell you, I know that he's no relation of somebody

0:37:430:37:49

who was in the jungle with me.

0:37:490:37:51

Oh. Wow. What, really?

0:37:510:37:54

There's someone that wasn't feeding it enough?

0:37:540:37:57

Well, I don't think it ever got fed at all.

0:37:570:37:59

Just narrow it down. Is it either Ant or Dec?

0:38:030:38:06

Neither Ant nor Dec.

0:38:080:38:10

Ant and Dec are very sexy.

0:38:100:38:13

You don't have to tell me, Lady C.

0:38:130:38:16

-His father tweeted...

-I know!

0:38:180:38:20

.."What do you feed that thing? #Prouddaddy"?!

0:38:200:38:24

-It's wrong, it's inappropriate.

-What's inappropriate about it?

0:38:240:38:27

-One should be proud of one's children.

-Up to a point!

0:38:270:38:31

If they do well in the sack race on sports day, yes.

0:38:310:38:35

If they don't drop the egg...

0:38:350:38:37

-Let's stop at sack.

-Well, yes, not a sack race the way you're thinking.

0:38:370:38:41

But there's something, you've got to have boundaries, Lady C. Boundaries.

0:38:420:38:46

-Why?

-Why? Otherwise you get the breakdown of society

0:38:460:38:49

-and we don't want that, do we?

-No.

0:38:490:38:50

Let me tell you this. I've been a parent for about six months.

0:38:500:38:53

I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm kind of klutzy.

0:38:530:38:55

I don't know how much she's meant to eat, when she's meant to sleep, what's too hot or too cold.

0:38:550:38:59

I can tell you, there will be no time in that child's life

0:38:590:39:02

when I'm telling the world what I think ABOUT HER GENITALS!

0:39:020:39:05

I wouldn't tell about my children either.

0:39:050:39:08

However, if parents want to be proud of their children,

0:39:080:39:11

I think good on them, why not?

0:39:110:39:13

I think I'm with Lady C on this.

0:39:140:39:16

I mean, if Jack was well hung, I would...

0:39:160:39:19

Sorry, I said "if".

0:39:230:39:26

If Jack was well hung, I think I would probably tell people about it,

0:39:260:39:30

-but obviously I don't talk about it.

-You've never had cause to, no.

0:39:300:39:33

Justin wasn't the only man causing pulses to race in 2015.

0:39:360:39:40

The undisputed hunk of the year was this man, Poldark.

0:39:400:39:44

Now, Victoria, is that your idea of the ideal man?

0:39:440:39:47

Not really. It might be if I had a field.

0:39:470:39:50

LAUGHTER

0:39:500:39:53

-Rob, same question?

-I would have thought... I didn't see Poldark,

0:39:530:39:56

but I would have thought most women, that's what...

0:39:560:39:59

We are led to believe, are we not, that most women would go,

0:39:590:40:03

-"Well, yeah, that's... That ticks all the boxes."

-No.

0:40:030:40:06

-I tell you what most women think looking at that.

-What?

0:40:060:40:08

"He wouldn't try."

0:40:080:40:10

Is that right? Does everybody think that? Really? Lady C?

0:40:100:40:14

I've had many like that and I can tell you something,

0:40:140:40:16

-they're worth having.

-JACK SNORTS

0:40:160:40:18

To be honest, my favourite moment of the TV year was this.

0:40:240:40:28

It was when Coronation Street's Liz McDonald got spooked

0:40:280:40:31

by a sign language interpreter.

0:40:310:40:33

Now, I have got another guest to bring out.

0:40:450:40:47

-Father, do you know what a YouTuber is?

-No.

0:40:470:40:50

It was a long shot.

0:40:500:40:51

Our next guest is a YouTube personality,

0:40:510:40:54

vlogger and rapper from Watford.

0:40:540:40:56

I've got an inkling him and Lady C are going to get on famously.

0:40:560:40:59

He has 11 million subscribers

0:40:590:41:01

and his videos have been watched by over a billion people.

0:41:010:41:04

Variety magazine recently voted him

0:41:040:41:06

the number one most influential person among teenagers.

0:41:060:41:10

This is a little taste of him in action.

0:41:100:41:12

I had heard about one British gamer

0:41:120:41:14

who had amassed a fortune through gaming and video blogging.

0:41:140:41:18

And his success story was a long way away from the stoic work ethic

0:41:180:41:22

of his Korean counterparts.

0:41:220:41:24

His name was KSI.

0:41:240:41:26

This'll be fun! Ladies and gentlemen, it's KSI.

0:41:350:41:38

CHEERING

0:41:380:41:41

-Yo.

-Hi, buddy. How are you?

0:41:440:41:46

This is going to be like the weirdest dinner party ever.

0:41:510:41:56

And KSI doesn't have any, um...

0:41:560:41:58

-Do I call you KSI?

-Yeah, you can call me KSI.

0:41:580:42:01

-What does KSI stand for?

-Knowledge, strength and integrity.

-Really?

0:42:010:42:05

I have none of them, but...

0:42:050:42:09

What it is, like, I aspire to that.

0:42:090:42:11

I really like that. It's an inspirational name.

0:42:110:42:14

-Thanks, man.

-For my father and maybe some people watching at home...

0:42:140:42:19

-Yes...

-So what is it exactly you do?

0:42:190:42:22

OK, so pretty much, a load of random things,

0:42:220:42:27

like obviously I rap. I do pranks. I play games.

0:42:270:42:33

And pretty much, it just started from me in my bedroom

0:42:330:42:37

just playing games.

0:42:370:42:38

-You filmed yourself playing Fifa, wasn't it?

-Yeah, Fifa.

0:42:380:42:41

And then I started doing a bit more, like, entertainment side,

0:42:410:42:45

and then I was just like,

0:42:450:42:47

I do like music, so I'd do a bit more of the music side

0:42:470:42:50

and then I did a bit of the acting side as well

0:42:500:42:53

and yeah, YouTube just allows me to do all these things,

0:42:530:42:56

which I'm just really interested in.

0:42:560:42:58

-Can I come in here?

-Yeah.

-When you say,

0:42:580:43:00

"I do a bit of music side and I do a bit of the acting side",

0:43:000:43:04

what does that mean?

0:43:040:43:06

So, I mean, so I'm currently signed by a label,

0:43:060:43:11

so I just rap and...

0:43:110:43:13

HE LAUGHS

0:43:130:43:15

I don't know, just rap!

0:43:150:43:17

-You had a single out this year.

-Yeah, yeah, it's called Lamborghini.

0:43:170:43:21

Lamborghini. I love it. Do you know about this song already, Lady C?

0:43:210:43:25

LAUGHTER

0:43:250:43:27

You must have heard Lamborghini.

0:43:270:43:29

I do know somebody who has a Lamborghini,

0:43:290:43:31

but he's a member of the Qatari royal family.

0:43:310:43:34

I'm sorry, that's the full extent of my Lamborghini knowledge.

0:43:340:43:39

What do you actually do for your main job? Because...

0:43:390:43:43

I mean, Jack used to do his stuff in his bedroom.

0:43:430:43:46

We don't want to go into that with Lady C here, but, um...

0:43:460:43:50

-Do you have a sort of main job during the day...?

-That is not what being a YouTuber is!

0:43:500:43:55

..when you're not doing all those things you were telling about?

0:43:550:43:58

YouTube is literally all I do, believe it or not, yeah.

0:43:580:44:02

-So you do that all day and all night?

-It's just 24/7.

0:44:020:44:05

And he's like the most... He's not overselling himself,

0:44:050:44:08

he's the most successful YouTuber there is.

0:44:080:44:10

He's doing a lot better... He could have several castles

0:44:100:44:13

-with the amount of YouTubing...

-Oh, darling!

0:44:130:44:16

Let's take a look at your rap music video.

0:44:230:44:27

"Rap music video"! I just sounded so old there.

0:44:270:44:30

The vid to your music rap!

0:44:300:44:32

-I've turned into Rob.

-Yeah!

0:44:330:44:35

-# Ride with more peers than Morgan

-What's up?

0:44:360:44:39

# Drive past bloggers that are walking

0:44:390:44:41

# I taunt them Matt Lees, can you see me?

0:44:410:44:44

# Wiling in my Lamborghini

0:44:440:44:47

# La-Lamborghini, La-Lamborghini

0:44:470:44:49

# Bitch, I know you see me in my Lamborghini

0:44:490:44:52

# La-Lamborghini, La-Lamborghini

0:44:520:44:55

# Ride so quick You would think I'm Houdini... #

0:44:550:44:58

CHEERING

0:44:580:45:00

You sounded... I loved it, but you sounded quite angry.

0:45:030:45:09

Had the Lamborghini broken down? Was there...

0:45:090:45:12

Is there a problem with the transmission?

0:45:120:45:14

The after sales care, were you not happy?

0:45:140:45:17

No, I was extremely happy,

0:45:170:45:19

but I guess that was just my way of showing it in a really angry manner.

0:45:190:45:23

That's fine, that's great, but this starts with

0:45:230:45:26

-people watching you playing video football...

-Yeah, yeah.

0:45:260:45:30

I mean, it's kind of like, I guess, watching football, essentially...

0:45:300:45:34

I don't understand that either!

0:45:340:45:36

Well, there's a lot of people who love watching

0:45:360:45:39

-just people play football.

-OK.

0:45:390:45:40

So it's kind of like people just playing games,

0:45:400:45:43

people just love watching that,

0:45:430:45:44

and it's like there's a lot of entertaining people who play games

0:45:440:45:47

and then they just love to see that.

0:45:470:45:50

I've never seen four people look more confused!

0:45:500:45:53

I feel like there's a huge contrast right now.

0:45:540:45:57

Yeah, I'm getting contrast!

0:45:570:45:59

I want your secret,

0:46:020:46:03

because I'd like to make some of that money for my castle.

0:46:030:46:08

-Yeah, do you think Lady C could become a YouTuber?

-Um...

0:46:080:46:12

Her playing Fifa?

0:46:120:46:14

Yeah...

0:46:140:46:15

You could write a song for Lady C

0:46:150:46:18

and she could be outside the castle going...

0:46:180:46:20

"CASTLE, CASTLE, CASTLE!"

0:46:200:46:22

You're obviously very charismatic.

0:46:240:46:27

-I get why people would watch you do stuff...

-Yes.

0:46:270:46:29

And the music was great, that's all fine. The video football -

0:46:290:46:32

they're watching you playing cartoon Subbuteo!

0:46:320:46:36

Watching Subbuteo!

0:46:360:46:38

I don't even know what Subbuteo is, but...

0:46:380:46:40

This is the end of civilisation as we know it!

0:46:500:46:54

KSI, you've come out not to be interrogated,

0:46:570:47:01

although that's how it started.

0:47:010:47:03

You've come to talk about some of the biggest stories from the internet.

0:47:030:47:07

-Yes, yes.

-So what have the internet crazes of 2015 been?

0:47:070:47:10

Well, I guess, one that has just swept the whole world by storm

0:47:100:47:16

is the condom challenge.

0:47:160:47:18

I'm aware of this.

0:47:180:47:19

-I know what this is.

-The condom challenge?

-Yep.

0:47:190:47:22

I'm putting my glasses on for it.

0:47:220:47:24

LAUGHTER

0:47:240:47:26

-Shall we take a look at the condom challenge?

-Yeah, sure.

0:47:260:47:29

HE SHOUTS

0:47:290:47:30

LAUGHTER

0:47:340:47:37

That was a bit of fun.

0:47:420:47:43

I should say, for anybody watching,

0:47:470:47:49

if you do it that way, you can still get pregnant.

0:47:490:47:52

Lady C, could you see that, you know, taking on in your circles?

0:47:540:47:58

At the end of a dinner party, instead of bringing out the After Eights

0:47:580:48:02

you get a condom full of water and try and drop it on someone's head?

0:48:020:48:05

-I don't think so.

-No.

0:48:050:48:07

-Cos you film everything. When I say you, I mean your generation.

-Yes.

0:48:070:48:12

-You film everything, don't you?

-Yes.

0:48:120:48:15

Yes. It's stupid.

0:48:150:48:16

LAUGHTER

0:48:160:48:18

Well, I mean, obviously, like, Kim Kardashian succeeded with it.

0:48:180:48:23

Oh, well, let's all look up to her(!)

0:48:230:48:26

I mean, Hitler was very good with the organisation. I mean...

0:48:290:48:33

I'm not comparing Kim Kardashian to Hitler, but I'm just saying...

0:48:330:48:37

-But you are.

-I suppose I am, yes.

0:48:370:48:40

Hitler did have a fantastic arse, to be fair.

0:48:410:48:45

How would you know that?

0:48:450:48:46

Yeah, cos I was worried this conversation wasn't weird enough(!)

0:48:460:48:51

How would Victoria know that?

0:48:510:48:53

That literally is the only thing I know about Kim Kardashian, so...

0:48:530:48:56

-Oh, it was about her.

-I'm assuming...

0:48:560:48:58

I thought it was about Hitler, cos we were talking about Hitler.

0:48:580:49:01

-Always trying to get it back to Hitler.

-Sorry.

-What else?

0:49:010:49:03

Other than the condom prank, what have people been doing?

0:49:030:49:06

Um... OK, so, there's this thing

0:49:060:49:09

where, if you put, like, a cucumber next to a cat, it just freaks out.

0:49:090:49:15

Someone's seen it.

0:49:150:49:16

And obviously someone's done it. Someone's done it.

0:49:160:49:19

If you put a cucumber next to a cat...

0:49:190:49:20

Yeah, for some reason, it doesn't know what's going on,

0:49:200:49:23

-and just runs away.

-Let's see.

0:49:230:49:24

LAUGHTER

0:49:300:49:31

Would that work with any cat?

0:49:370:49:39

Um... I don't know. I don't know!

0:49:390:49:42

"No!" A guy over there was like, "No, no, trust me."

0:49:420:49:45

You try it with a tiger, you'll get your face ripped off.

0:49:450:49:49

It can go wrong. Don't do it near a busy road with the cucumber.

0:49:490:49:54

Cat could jump, it can end up in tears and, before you know it,

0:49:540:49:58

you've taken the cat onto a chat show and you're wearing it round your arm.

0:49:580:50:03

LAUGHTER

0:50:040:50:06

Now, one thing that is often led by the internet is new words and phrases

0:50:090:50:13

and a few new words and phrases have emerged from 2015.

0:50:130:50:17

-KSI can help talk our other guests through them.

-OK.

0:50:170:50:22

Everywhere on Twitter...

0:50:220:50:23

Do you feel like you're visiting a remedial home for the elderly?

0:50:230:50:26

I mean, is that what's happening? You're doing charity work?

0:50:260:50:29

Just helping everyone out, just...

0:50:290:50:31

He's doing this to complete his Duke of Edinburgh Award.

0:50:310:50:35

-Talk us through the phrases.

-OK...

0:50:350:50:37

-Netflix and chill. That has been all over Twitter.

-Yes.

0:50:370:50:40

So, do you guys know what Netflix and chill is?

0:50:400:50:43

I know what Netflix is.

0:50:430:50:45

And I know the concept of chilling.

0:50:450:50:47

Although hitherto I had not been aware of an association

0:50:480:50:51

between the two activities.

0:50:510:50:53

Netflix and binge, I could go with that. Binge viewing.

0:50:530:50:56

Word.

0:50:560:50:58

Netflix... What do you mean?

0:50:590:51:01

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean...

0:51:010:51:04

I'm doing that!

0:51:060:51:08

What are you doing?

0:51:080:51:10

You're far too young to know about Thunderbirds. What's going on?

0:51:120:51:16

I actually don't know what that is.

0:51:190:51:21

-You don't know what Thunderbirds is?

-No.

-Oh, fuck off.

0:51:210:51:24

The other stuff I'll give you. I'll give you...

0:51:270:51:31

-I'll let you have Subbuteo, but you don't know what Thunderbirds is?

-No.

0:51:310:51:34

It's the best thing ever! Tracy Island? Scott Tracy?

0:51:340:51:38

-He's still got his Tracy Island.

-No, I don't.

-I bet he has.

-He has.

0:51:380:51:42

Um... Netflix and chill? Netflix and chill is...

0:51:420:51:45

Well, Netflix and chill is where you watch Netflix with your companion

0:51:450:51:50

and you just get a...a bit frisky,

0:51:500:51:55

you know, look into the other girl's eyes, or guy,

0:51:550:51:59

and then just be like, "Hey..."

0:51:590:52:01

That's the chill bit.

0:52:040:52:05

-It's what?

-This is where we chill.

0:52:050:52:07

-This is where we chill?

-This is where we...

0:52:070:52:09

Aren't we already chilling, just watching Netflix?

0:52:090:52:12

We're loving House of Cards.

0:52:120:52:15

You say, "Let's chill"?

0:52:150:52:17

Let's chill, and then...

0:52:170:52:18

And then, boom, before you know it, your castle's got a new roof.

0:52:180:52:21

I don't understand it. You're watching...

0:52:240:52:27

You're watching House of Cards...

0:52:270:52:29

Is it having sex in front of a video?

0:52:290:52:31

-Uh, yes. Pretty much.

-We've been doing that for years.

0:52:310:52:35

It's called Friday night in Wales.

0:52:370:52:39

I understand the concept.

0:52:460:52:48

On that note, we're coming to the end of the show,

0:52:480:52:50

so we thought we'd take time to celebrate who we consider to be

0:52:500:52:54

the real heroes of 2015, the people who got us most excited.

0:52:540:52:58

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

0:52:580:53:00

it's time for the inaugural Backchat Awards 2015.

0:53:000:53:03

APPLAUSE

0:53:030:53:05

Yes...

0:53:130:53:14

It's time for the Chatties, the Chaftas.

0:53:150:53:17

Ladies and gentlemen, that's where the budget went.

0:53:170:53:21

It certainly didn't go on me.

0:53:210:53:22

LAUGHTER

0:53:260:53:28

Am I going to have to take that off? OK, right.

0:53:280:53:31

KSI, would you please present us with the first award?

0:53:310:53:34

OK. Well, it's been a great year for music. Adele broke records.

0:53:410:53:46

Justin Bieber bounced back.

0:53:460:53:48

And my single Lamborghini was released and is available on iTunes.

0:53:480:53:53

But the award for outstanding contribution to the music goes to...

0:53:550:54:00

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:54:030:54:04

..Madonna's cape!

0:54:040:54:06

# You made me strong

0:54:060:54:09

# Built me up and I could do no wrong

0:54:090:54:12

# I let down my guard... #

0:54:120:54:14

LAUGHTER

0:54:160:54:18

APPLAUSE

0:54:200:54:22

Doesn't get any easier to watch. What I love about that is,

0:54:240:54:27

although she's nearly killed, she bravely carried on singing.

0:54:270:54:30

Victoria, please take to the podium.

0:54:310:54:34

This award is for broadcaster of the year.

0:54:400:54:42

A lot has been said about cuts to the BBC.

0:54:420:54:44

They can't even afford iPads any more.

0:54:440:54:47

But that didn't stop the ever-resourceful Chris Mitchell

0:54:470:54:49

from BBC Sport covering it beautifully.

0:54:490:54:52

..look at the morning's papers, but for now, goodbye.

0:54:520:54:55

LAUGHTER

0:54:580:55:00

-That's funny.

-That's so good.

0:55:020:55:05

Lady C, would you please present us with the next award?

0:55:060:55:09

Lady C, you actually look like you're dressed for an awards show.

0:55:150:55:18

Thank you.

0:55:180:55:19

The winner of this diplomacy price is my hero...Ronnie Pickering!

0:55:190:55:25

Who's Ronnie Pickering?

0:55:260:55:28

Is a very good question. Who is Ronnie Pickering?

0:55:280:55:32

Well, Lady C, I figured that you and him are kindred spirits.

0:55:330:55:36

Ronnie Pickering was just this random guy from Hull

0:55:360:55:39

who, earlier on in the year, got into a little bit of a dispute

0:55:390:55:43

with a man on a scooter, lost his temper a little and didn't realise

0:55:430:55:46

that the man on the scooter had a camera attached to his helmet.

0:55:460:55:50

He told him in no uncertain terms who Ronnie Pickering was.

0:55:500:55:54

Let's enjoy the wit and wisdom of Ronnie fucking Pickering.

0:55:540:55:58

BLEEPED SHOUTING

0:55:580:55:59

-Yeah?

-Yeah?

0:55:590:56:01

What's your problem? You want to go?

0:56:010:56:03

-You got a problem, ain't you?

-With you, yeah.

-Yeah, you have.

0:56:030:56:06

-Take your

-BLEEP

-helmet off, then.

-Oh, grow up, you

-BLEEP.

0:56:060:56:09

-You know who I am? You know who I am?

-You what?

0:56:090:56:12

-You know who I am?

-Your car?

0:56:120:56:14

-You wouldn't

-BLEEP

-when you pull up.

-Well, who are you, then?

0:56:140:56:17

-Ronnie Pickering.

-Who?

0:56:170:56:19

-Ronnie Pickering?

-Who?

-RONNIE PICKERING!

0:56:190:56:21

-Who the

-BLEEP

-is that?

-Yeah, me.

0:56:210:56:23

APPLAUSE

0:56:230:56:25

Who is Ronnie Pickering?

0:56:270:56:29

Do you know who Ronnie Pickering is now?

0:56:290:56:32

I still don't know.

0:56:320:56:33

Rob, your turn.

0:56:330:56:35

Hello, everybody. It's lovely to be here.

0:56:410:56:43

As a proud Welshman,

0:56:430:56:45

it has to be a proud exponent of the fine art of rugby.

0:56:450:56:48

It could have been any of the mighty Welsh dragons -

0:56:480:56:51

Sam Warburton, Dan Biggar, George North -

0:56:510:56:53

but controversially, I've picked an Englishman.

0:56:530:56:57

LAUGHTER AND BOOING

0:56:570:56:59

Here is my Sports Personality Of The Year.

0:56:590:57:02

But he wasn't going to let a small child stand in his way.

0:57:020:57:06

Ten-year-old Toki with the tackle,

0:57:120:57:15

whether he wanted to make it or not.

0:57:150:57:17

Boris!

0:57:230:57:25

So there we have it. It's the end of the show.

0:57:270:57:29

Thank you to all of our wonderful guests. They were Lady C...

0:57:290:57:32

KSI...

0:57:320:57:33

Rob Brydon...

0:57:330:57:35

and Victorian Coren Mitchell.

0:57:350:57:37

And thank you to you for watching at home,

0:57:370:57:41

and we will see you all in 2016.

0:57:410:57:43

# Got rocks on my wrist That shit you can't resist

0:57:590:58:01

# Cash flow greater than the haters hating on my gist

0:58:010:58:04

# Riding in your face, looking like I found a damn genie... #

0:58:040:58:08

Riding in my R-Type Bentley.

0:58:080:58:10

B-B-B-Bentley. B-B-B-Bentley.

0:58:100:58:13

Bitch, I know you see me in my R-Type Bentley.

0:58:130:58:16

B-B-B-Bentley. B-B-B-Bentley.

0:58:160:58:18

Ride so quick you think I'm Houdini.

0:58:180:58:21

HE MOUTHS: What the fuck?

0:58:210:58:23

# B-b-been in the game since Namco

0:58:230:58:26

# Bring it back, I'm fully gassed, yo

0:58:260:58:29

# Vroom, vroom, in my brand-new Lambo

0:58:290:58:31

# Juiced up And I don't give a damn, yo

0:58:310:58:34

# Going 120, and that's my slowest

0:58:340:58:37

# On a one-way lane, like Lois

0:58:370:58:40

# Who's that? Superman's bitch

0:58:400:58:42

# Wanna see what happens when I touch the Superman switch? #

0:58:420:58:46

Join Jack Whitehall and his father Michael as Backchat reviews the year. Joining them are a whole host of celeb guests to help them pick apart the highs and lows of 2015.