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This programme contains strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
-Eh, Rocket... -Hm? | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
Look at that. Goat-on-goat action. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
Brilliant! | 0:00:22 | 0:00:23 | |
Rocket, Mac - focus! | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
Leave doesn't start for... | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
43 hours. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:28 | |
Stay sharp. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
The enemy wants us to be distracted. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
Are you saying the Taliban dress up as goats and shag each other? | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
-Now, that's commitment. -ROCKET SNORTS | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Enough! Eyes on. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
MAN SPEAKS IN PASHTO | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
TRANSLATION FROM PASHTO | 0:00:43 | 0:00:46 | |
What's he saying about his goats, Faruq? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
He does not want to... | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
Hang on... You speak Pashto? | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
-HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO -Er, since when? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
Check it out, everyone - Millsy is learning my language! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
-Nice one, Millsy. -Yeah, well... | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
I was thinking of learning Pashto too, as it goes. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
A woman cannot learn two languages. It is impossible. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
I beg your pardon? | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
And FYI, I already speak French. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
SHE SPEAKS IN FRENCH | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
Is she making that up? | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
Very nice, Millsy. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Bumlick. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:29 | |
JET SCREAMS OVERHEAD | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Bet they goats give you a few ideas for your wedding night, eh, Skip? | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
-BOTH: -Baaaa! -No. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
A few ideas for the stag do? | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
-BOTH: -Baaa! Baa! | 0:02:09 | 0:02:10 | |
-Well, my... -Baaa! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
My brother's promised me a wild night. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
I'm not sure that involves goats, though. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
-What's he got planned, then? -All I know is that I've got to meet him | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
at Southend Pier next Friday night. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
Next week? But we're up in Scotland. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
Like the wedding, you're not invited. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Oh, shite, Skip - what about morale? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
-This the stag do? -Aye. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:30 | |
-It's next week. -Southend! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
Oh, thanks a bunch, Simon. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:34 | |
We haven't all got a week's leave. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
-Everything all right with the device, boss? -Yeah, piece of piss. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Obviously I'm going to tell Mary it was a nightmare. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
She's off on leave as well in a couple of days. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Got to seize the moment, find something to impress her. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
Having another go while she's weak, tired, ready to go home. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
You make me sound like... | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Do you really think she's going to be weak at the moment? | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
-I was joking. -So was I. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
But you do think she's weak? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:00 | |
I joined the Army so I didn't have to have girly chats, | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
but hey, let's plait each other's hair | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
and stick on Dirty Dancing, shall we? | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
-Knock, knock. -Come in. Oh, you have. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
So, Nick - what can I do for you? | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
In my professional capacity, that is. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Just had a tough day, you know. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
-Uh-huh. -A really tough device. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
Two switches on the main charge, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
one was a pressure plate, the other was... | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
Millsy said it was a nice easy one. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
Don't listen to everything that Millsy says. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Millsy, the pathologically truthful one, I should watch out for him! | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
I think it's my expert assessment that... | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
Apparently, you said it was "a piece of piss". | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
No such thing as a straightforward IED, Mary. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
They're all different, improvised. That's what the "I" stands for. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
What does the "E" stand for? Oh, yeah - explosive. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
-Yeah. -And the "D"... | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
Well, that just stands for device, doesn't matter. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Anyway, I basically totally fucking nailed it. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Good. Well done, you. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
Now, these won't pack themselves... I'm not Mary Poppins. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
CLICKS FINGERS: No! | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
-Was this toucan a present from Will? -What? | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
Did your ex-fiance get it for you when he was posted to Belize? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
How could you possibly know...? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
A lot of soldiers pick 'em up out there. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
Along with an STD. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Well, luckily it was just the toucan. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
You split up with him years ago, yet you still have this love token... | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
Love toucan! ..on your desk. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
It's not a love tok... Toucan! What...?! | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
Just seems an odd way to remember someone who left you over a car. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
"Hello. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:41 | |
"I left you over a car. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
"You should forget about me." | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
And move on. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
It was a bit more complicated than that. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
Tell me I'm wrong. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:52 | |
Why are you still here? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
-Tell me I'm wrong. -Bye. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
Bye. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:57 | |
TRANSLATION FROM PASHTO | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
-Starting without me? -Without...? | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
Oh, you know... You don't need to bother. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
-I've got it covered. -Wow. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
Next, you'll tell me it's impossible for women to speak two languages. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
No! I mean... | 0:05:21 | 0:05:22 | |
I guess it would be handy if you could listen to Taliban traffic | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
-out in the field. -S'pose. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:26 | |
But mainly, I want to show Faruq how much of a dick he's being. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
I can speak Pashto just as well as you can. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
-It's not a competition. -Correct. It isn't. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
-Come on, then. -OK. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Um, repeat after me. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
-Ho. -Ho. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
-Yes. -Yes. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
-No... -No. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
No, no - you don't need to repeat the English bit. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
I'm just telling you what it means, understand? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Yes. Ho! | 0:05:47 | 0:05:48 | |
OK... | 0:05:48 | 0:05:49 | |
-Na. -Na. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
-No. -No? | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
-Yes, no. -What? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:53 | |
Look, would you stop messing, please, Bird? | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
All right. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
OK. | 0:05:58 | 0:05:59 | |
Um... Let's do numbers. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
-OK. -All right. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:02 | |
After me... | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Yaw. One. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
Yaw, one. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
-Dwah, two. -Dwah, two. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
-Dwah. -What, three's the same as two? | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
No, Bird - I'm correcting your pronunciation. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
-Dwah. -That's what I said. -Do you want to learn this properly? | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
Ho. That means yes. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
I knew this was a mistake! | 0:06:18 | 0:06:19 | |
Cos thick chick Bird can't learn the language? | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
Do you know what, I'm going to my bunk. Or, as they say | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
in French, je suis... | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
..going to my bunk. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:27 | |
Je vais a ma chambre. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:29 | |
Oh, tu es un grand dick! | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
You all right, son? | 0:06:45 | 0:06:46 | |
Charlotte's really pissed off about the stag night. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Cos we're no' invited? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
No surprises there. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:51 | |
No, knob cheese. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
She's found out what we're planning and she is not happy. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
-She wants to cancel the stripper? -We're not having a stripper! | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
Oh, we... We are having a stripper. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
And she's cancelled it. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:03 | |
-Is that a list of rules? -Kind of. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
No strippers, no public nudity, no getting arrested... | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
-That is out of order! -That's ridiculous! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
-I am allowed to play crazy golf, so...that's something. -Skip... | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
I know you usually ignore my advice | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
and usually, you're right to do so. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
But you need to tell her you're not putting up with this sort of thing. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
-Aye. -Guys, this is Charlotte. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
This is the woman who had 200 invites reprinted | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
cos they were the wrong shade of ivory. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
Aye, so you need to be firm wi' her. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
If you are, she'll find that more attractive than if you're a pussy. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:33 | |
-I can't just ring her up... -What's the first rule of stag nights? | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
-There are no rules. -Yes, sir. -Balls, Simon. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
I beg your pardon, sir? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Balls. Keep up. Where are your balls? Are they attached, | 0:07:41 | 0:07:45 | |
or has your fiancee plucked them from your perineum | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
and placed them in an ice box, in Chelmsford? | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
-We live in Braintree. -Simon! | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Balls. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
You heard him. Balls! | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
We should do you a proper stag here. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
-Um... -Aye! | 0:08:01 | 0:08:02 | |
Nudity. Strippers! | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
We'll get the MPs to arrest you! | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
We could all dress up in the same clothes! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
Genius. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:10 | |
We'll take him into the village and tie him naked to a lamppost... | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
Oh, Mac! | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
The security concerns alone would mean that we... | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
We could lock down the area with an infantry platoon first. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
Anyway, there's no beer and there's no strippers, means there's... | 0:08:19 | 0:08:23 | |
Boss, get Mary to gie us some of her communion wine. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
I don't fancy my chances. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
Tell her the last Padre would leave the odd bottle lying, eh? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:31 | |
I'll try, but I think you'll have to ask Faruq for some beer. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
You want beer? I get you beer. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
My cousin, he makes lentil beer, shall we say 50? It is agreed. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:39 | |
You know the rules. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
-No alcohol in theatre. -What's the first rule? | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
No rules. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
Are you saying we can have alcohol, sir? | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
Sir! | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Sir?! | 0:08:51 | 0:08:52 | |
Faruq... | 0:08:52 | 0:08:53 | |
Do you know how to make really hot curry? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
Of course. Goat, chicken, cat... | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
Ooh, never had cat! | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
Hello, love. Yeah, I know it's early, sorry. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
I just wanted to get you before you went to the gym. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:07 | |
Sorry, it's Thursday... I forgot. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
These... These rules that you sent through... | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
Not acceptable, Charlotte. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
Yeah. I'm not going to put up with this shit any more. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
Yes, I did just say "shit". | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
Yeah. Shit. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Shit, shit, shitty shit. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
Shit, shit. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Charlotte? | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Hello? Hello? | 0:09:29 | 0:09:30 | |
(Oh, shit.) | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
Hi, Mary. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
Nick Medhurst in the chapel? SHE GASPS | 0:09:37 | 0:09:41 | |
-What do you want? -I've come to confess my sins. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
I'm not sure I have that long. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
Seriously, I want to apologise for winding you up earlier. It was... | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
-uncalled for. -It's fine. I know you're tired. -Thanks. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
Anyway, I don't know how much you knew about your predecessor, | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
but he was very big on morale. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
I'm not giving you communion wine. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
Well, it's not for me, it's for Simon's stag do. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
Thing is, Nick, that wine is for, um... | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
What was it again? | 0:10:03 | 0:10:04 | |
Oh, yeah! Communion. And yes, | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
the occasional glass for somebody who's had some genuine trauma. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
If I was marrying Charlotte, I'd be having genuine trauma. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
-You know very well it isn't allowed. -OK, look - here's a new idea, OK? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
So how about we turn the stag night into a sort of communion service, | 0:10:15 | 0:10:20 | |
only with a lot more wine, and curry instead of wafers? | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
For heaven's sake, Nick. Look, I know you don't believe what I believe, | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
but do you have to take the piss the whole time? | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Yeah. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:29 | |
Yeah, actually I do. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
Because my ridiculously dangerous job means that | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
I don't approach life the same way that you do. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
This is one sodding bottle of wine, Mary. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
And it's not even for me. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:39 | |
Fine, you think I'm a twat, but don't take that out on a bunch | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
of guys who've made it halfway through a tour | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
without getting shot, mortared or blown to pieces by an IED. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
Just get a sense of fucking perspective. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
Listen, Faruq, I need your help. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Teach me Pashto. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
I will help as much as I can, but... | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
probably a lost cause. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:02 | |
Let's just give it a go, shall we? Not going to let Millsy win. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
-Win what? -Can we start? | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
OK, OK. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
Very useful phrase for you. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
SHE REPEATS | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
Hm... And what does that mean? | 0:11:17 | 0:11:18 | |
Please clean up my room. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
And you would say, "Ho!" | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Not to you, I wouldn't. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:23 | |
Na! | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
You're always making the jokes, Corporal Bird. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
Very funny! | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
OK, say this. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO | 0:11:31 | 0:11:32 | |
SHE REPEATS | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
That means? | 0:11:37 | 0:11:38 | |
-When are you going to clean the windows? -Right. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
And what's Pashto for, "It's your turn to clean the fucking windows"? | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
Ooh! A zinger. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
I am just trying to focus on the most useful phrases for women. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
Oh... | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
-Please clean up the vomit. -You know what, Faruq? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
I was right all along. You're a bigger dick than Millsy. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:01 | |
Oh, hi, Millsy. You big dick. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
We've got a shout on. Suspected car bomb outside a health clinic - now. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:11 | |
You could've said, you dick. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:12 | |
And Mac's invented a game called Hunt the Simon. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:29 | |
Genius! | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
Don't know how he comes up with 'em! | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
It's gonna be the best stag ever! | 0:12:32 | 0:12:34 | |
-I'm...not sure it is. -Faruq's curry is going to be awesome! | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
I'm...not sure it is. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
There isn't going to be a stag night anyway. The wedding's off. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
-Oh, dear. -Fuck! | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
Yes, I took your advice, Mac. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:46 | |
I stood up to her and I said, "This is the way things are going to be," | 0:12:46 | 0:12:50 | |
and she said that wasn't the way things are going to be, | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
so that isn't the way things are going to be. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
Fair play. I thought she wanted a real man. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
Turns out she wanted you. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
We can still have a stag night, though, right? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
Obviously not. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Right, till I know if there's a device in the car or not, | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
we're treating this as a Cat A, so we need to get a shift on. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
Hogg, Millsy, Bird - sitrep, now. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
-Number one - evacuation of the clinic. -In progress, boss. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
A dozen people in there, they've got to cut bars out the back window. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
-They're saying 40 minutes. -Oh, good. By which I mean, "Oh, shit." | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
I need to get to that car. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
Hogg, how much longer on the search for command wires? | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
Can I interest you in an hour? | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
-50 minutes, boss? -Quite shit, but thank you. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
-How long has the area been secure? -90 minutes. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
OK, so it's unlikely it's on a timer. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
And I see a fair amount of dickers have chosen to join us | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
for today's antics. Bird, what are your thoughts on RCs? | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
-Low risk, boss. And we can mitigate. -OK... | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
So let's assume that it's victim-operated. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
And let's hope by victim, I don't mean me. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
-Right, let's get this ICP set up, then. -Troopie! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Oh, good. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:11 | |
An IED basically...right there. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
Handy. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
OK, mark and avoid... | 0:14:15 | 0:14:16 | |
-Troopie! -OK, nobody fucking move! | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
Two IEDs. Yay! | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
So, Hogg - I want you to complete the search, and here and here. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
I want to mitigate the possibility of command devices. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
We'll deal with them later. I can get to the car as soon as possible. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
Bring the vehicle round here, we'll work on the safe side of it. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
-All OK? -ALL: Yes, boss. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
OK, crack on. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:36 | |
Right, team - let's start again. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
Millsy. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
So, staff and patients are out, but there's a woman in labour. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
What? | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
And her midwife. Can't get them out the window. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
Oh, Fuckton-on-Thames. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
OK, just get her into the back room and make sure she stays there. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
-I'll radio the platoon sergeant. -All right. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Now, the 6 million question... | 0:15:06 | 0:15:11 | |
Er, it's the million-dollar question, boss. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
6 million man... Million-dollar question. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
What a great time to bring up a guy who was rebuilt | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
after a horrific accident. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
-Oh, yeah. -My question was, | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
is there a device in the car, | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
or is this whole thing just a come-on to get us on top | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
of these two IEDs? Hogg, what's the situation with command wires? | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
-Nothing yet. Ten minutes. -Cheers, Sergeant. Thank you, Millsy. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
Boss. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:34 | |
You should call Charlotte when you get back. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
It's not worth losing the wedding for a stag do. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
It's not just the stag do, though, is it, boss? The whole thing... | 0:15:49 | 0:15:53 | |
Yeah, yeah. I know. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Surely it's better to back down than to die alone? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
Bloody hell, boss, that's a bit steep. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Tell her you had a near-miss. Stepped very close to a device. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
Been thinking about your mortality. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
Kiss... | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
make up... | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
and then get back to whatever freaky dominatrix shit | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
I'm presuming Charlotte's into. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
We're done, boss. Haven't found anything. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
-Not a sausage. -Right, I'm going to put my balls on the table... | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
Urgh. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
I'll bet that I could spend the next two hours searching that car | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
-and there's not even a bomb in it. -There isnae a bomb? | 0:16:39 | 0:16:43 | |
So you could just leap in it and drive off? | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
Yeah, great idea, Rocket. Why don't you leap in it and drive off? | 0:16:45 | 0:16:49 | |
-I cannae drive. -Ah. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
The only flaw in an otherwise brilliant plan. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
-Faruq's found an eyewitness. -Excellent. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO | 0:16:59 | 0:17:01 | |
He saw someone park the car three hours ago, | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
-climb out and walk away. -Three hours ago? | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
That timeline can't be right... | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
He said "khirke" - that's "window", isn't it? | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
-Why did he say window? -I don't know. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
Fucking ask him again, knobchops! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
He climbed out of the window and walked away. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
So there is a device in the car. I am impressed, Bird. Always thought | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
-there was a device in there. -Thanks. No, you didn't, you said... | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
-Right, better get down there. -Thanks. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
-Bird. -Hm? | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
I'm sorry about...you know? | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
Being the shittest teacher ever? | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
OK, yes, I was a bit of a dick, I admit. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
That's all right. You weren't the absolute shittest. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:23 | |
Faruq was. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:24 | |
Hey! | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
Skip! | 0:18:28 | 0:18:29 | |
I was thinking... | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
Now you're single... | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
and a lance corporal on leave fae Afghan, | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
you could shag your way from John O'Groats to Land's End. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
Well... | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
John O'Groats to... | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Inverness. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:44 | |
No. I'm going to call Charlotte | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
and explain the pressure I've been put under | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
by my team members. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
-It's no' my fault! -You told me to stand up to her. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
Shit, aye... | 0:18:52 | 0:18:53 | |
Aye. It is my fault. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
Then we can get married like she always wanted... | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
Like we always wanted. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
Stag night... | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
back on! | 0:19:03 | 0:19:04 | |
-ROCKET OVER RADIO: -Gleaming! | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:09 | |
OK, Millsy - I'm pretty sure the main device is in the boot | 0:19:20 | 0:19:24 | |
and I'm fairly sure it's going to be heavily booby-trapped, so... | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
I think I'm going to go in through the window. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
-OVER RADIO: -OK, boss. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
-Be careful. -Ah, being careful. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
Good plan. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:34 | |
Hello. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
OK. He can tow the car. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
That is unless Rocket wants to practise his three-point turns? | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Nice job, boss. Want the last of the water? | 0:20:58 | 0:21:01 | |
Yes. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:02 | |
Fucking chinstrapped. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:03 | |
Aah. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Seriously... | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
Thank you, guys. I couldn't have done it without you. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Well... Could have done most of it, | 0:21:20 | 0:21:22 | |
just, you know, not all of it. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
The baby is born and praise to God, it's a boy! | 0:21:26 | 0:21:30 | |
Dick. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:31 | |
The new mother is very grateful | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
and she will name her son in our honour. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
She's called him Nick? | 0:21:36 | 0:21:37 | |
No. No! | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
-She has named her son Faruq! -Oh... | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
-So, are we done? -Yep. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
Apart from those two other IEDs. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
Just give me a minute. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Um, we don't want to lose the light, boss. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
Yep. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:57 | |
These things will kill me, anyway. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
Are you all right, boss? | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
Nowhere in the world I'd rather be. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
Let's crack on. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:11 | |
-BOTH: -Stag ni-i-i-ight! | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
-I'll get the kerosene! -Whoa, we don't want to overdo this, guys! | 0:22:27 | 0:22:30 | |
I don't want to get hospitalised | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
when we're less than 12 hours away from R&R. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
Hey, Nick. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
Oh... Hello. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:39 | |
Boss, boss! Come on! We've got to flame-grill 100 poppadoms! | 0:22:39 | 0:22:43 | |
You took so long on that car bomb, we're way behind on the stag do! | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
OK, guys, I might need... | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
Look, will you two leave him alone for one flipping minute, OK? | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
Can't you see he's too tired? | 0:22:50 | 0:22:52 | |
He needs a rest before your stupid stag night! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
He's just defused two IEDs and a car bomb, | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
and saved the lives of a mother, midwife and a newborn baby. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
Aye. We saw. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Well, sorry... | 0:23:01 | 0:23:02 | |
I'm sorry, Nick. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Tell you what, come and find me later | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
and we'll have a little snifter. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Yeah. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
OK. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:13 | |
OK. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:14 | |
-Do you know what, Bird? -Hm? | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
I think I am finally in there. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
At fucking last. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:25 | |
My cousin called. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
He says the lentil curry and beer is doing very nicely. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:35 | |
It's lentil beer, innit? | 0:23:35 | 0:23:36 | |
No' lentil curry. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Oh, yes! | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
The two are very much separate! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
Yes! | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Excuse me while I make a call. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:45 | |
Ah! I've had worse. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:09 | |
But only in Dundee! | 0:24:09 | 0:24:10 | |
-Is that the booze? -Technically. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
Be nice if we had some pitta bread to dip in it. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
Of course, I am forbidden from drinking alcohol. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
Which is a relief, I mean... look at it. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
Well, the last Padre would have had some communion wine | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
for times like this, but the new one... | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
Nah. Not so much. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:26 | |
Well, I'll just put this away, then. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
ALL: No! | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
-CHEERING -Yes! | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
Thank you, thank you, thank you. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
Thank you! | 0:24:35 | 0:24:36 | |
-Here's to freedom. -Hey! | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
To freedom! | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
ALL: Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oah! | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
ALL CHEER | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
Bloody hell, that is rank! | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
Wait a minute, wait a minute - what do you mean, freedom? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
I was going to tell Charlotte I had a near-miss, get her back, | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
then I thought, "Fuck that!" I don't want to be with someone | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
who makes up rules for my fucking stag night... | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
-Are you sure about that? -If she doesn't want to be with a real man, | 0:24:58 | 0:25:02 | |
like me, then she can jog on. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
Good decision, Skip. Now, where's that communion wine? | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
There's communion wine? Shit, you could've said. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
Good. All right. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
I'm going to go and find Nick. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:12 | |
ALL LAUGH | 0:25:14 | 0:25:15 | |
I'm king of the world! | 0:25:15 | 0:25:18 | |
ALL CHEER | 0:25:18 | 0:25:19 | |
Nick, sorry I'm late, I was just... | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
Hello, you. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:50 | |
Hey, hey, Padre. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
Want to try some of this goat curry? | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
Mm, it's fucking blinding. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:00 | |
Watch out. I think that may be literally true. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
Mm, I might hold off. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
-Oh. -It's just some old trinket | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
I've been meaning to get rid of. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
Nah, it's that wee toucan your ex gave you. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
AWKWARDLY: Ha-ha! Where's the stag? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
Just over there. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
-Oh... -Mm. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:18 | |
SIMON SOBS | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
God, I love her! | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
HE HYPERVENTILATES | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
Her hair... | 0:26:25 | 0:26:26 | |
Her hair! | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
Tiny nose! | 0:26:29 | 0:26:30 | |
# And I miss you! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
# Like the deserts miss the rain. # | 0:26:34 | 0:26:37 | |
Karaoke! Brilliant. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
Simon, do you want to talk? | 0:26:39 | 0:26:40 | |
Thank fuck. You take over, Padre. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:43 | |
I should... I should've said sorry. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
She was right, she's always right! | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
I miss her so much! | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
Wait! | 0:26:51 | 0:26:52 | |
ALL GROAN | 0:26:52 | 0:26:53 | |
Oh, Skip! | 0:26:53 | 0:26:54 | |
-Fuck's sake. -What's going on here? | 0:26:54 | 0:26:57 | |
Some sort of stomach bug, I presume? | 0:26:57 | 0:27:00 | |
Let's hope those of you not on R&R tomorrow don't contract this... | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
surprising disease. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:05 | |
Fingers crossed, sir. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
Carry on. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:08 | |
SIMON VOMITS | 0:27:08 | 0:27:09 | |
Eurgh! | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
Hey, Faruq. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:12 | |
TRANSLATION FROM PASHTO | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
Boom! | 0:27:15 | 0:27:16 | |
Seriously, guys - I thought this was meant to be a fucking party? | 0:27:16 | 0:27:20 | |
-Come on! -Yes, more curry! | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
I mean beer! | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
So you really thought I was asleep just then? | 0:28:00 | 0:28:03 | |
Bloody hell, Nick! | 0:28:03 | 0:28:05 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:21 | 0:28:24 |