At the BBC Brian Pern


At the BBC

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1980S SYNTH-ROCK PLAYS

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# Daddy always told me

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# Check the oil in your car every week

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# That way you can sustain a healthy engine

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# From which you'll benefit in the long run

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# Papa always told me

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# That AIDS came from contaminated pigs

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# I don't really agree with that

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# But it's definitely thought-provoking

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# Daddy, I still miss you

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# I suppose you were quite a decent bloke

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# The smell of your socks in the morning

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# And your semi-racist jokes

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-# Oh Papa

-I went to see my papa

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-# Anyhow

-But the traffic was quite bad

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-# I got stuck in Richmond Parkway

-I wish that you were still here

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# And then spat on by a lad

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-# Oh Papa

-I miss my daddy rotten

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-# Anyhow

-Now he's at the bottom of the sea

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-# I wish that you were still here

-And when I call on Tuesday

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# Reverse the charges, they're not free

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# I wish that you were still here

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-# Oh Papa

-Daddy, I still miss you

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-# Anyhow

-Papa

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-# Sorry, I didn't see you there

-I wish that you were still here

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# Clumsy of me

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# Come on, up you get Come on, up you get

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# Come on, let's get a move on

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# Come on, let's get a move on

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# Come on, come on

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# Come on, let's get a move on

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# You've got your socks on back to front

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# Come on, come on

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# Come on, up you get

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# Come on. #

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DARK INDUSTRIAL ROCK PLAYS

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# Waiting in the garden, by the shed

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# I saw you washing and making up your bed

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# Creeping through the bushes, over the fence

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# Looked through the window in the bathroom instead

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# I'm taking off my smalls

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# Do you mind if I have a bath?

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# I like it very hot, so my skin goes red

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# Where's your flannel? Where's your flannel?

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# Let me wash and I'll use up your flannel

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# Aaaaah

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# Looking through your condiments and soaps

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# Trying on your bathrobe, checking all the pockets

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# I found a packet of honey and lemon Lockets

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# There's only two left

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-# You must have a cold, you

-BLEEP

-cow

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# Was ist das? Wer ist da?

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# Aaaaah! #

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APPLAUSE

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SLICKLY PRODUCED BALLAD PLAYS

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# You try so hard

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# In your life

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# To make something of yourself

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# For your wife

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# Working every hour

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# That God has sent you

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# To be dumped in the end, like an oily rag

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# Keep trying

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# That is all you need to do

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# Keep trying

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# I got me and I got you

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# Keep trying

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# When the bastards get you down

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# Keep trying

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# Make a smile from that frown

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# Oooooooh

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# I spent so long

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# With my plans

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# Breaking new ground

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# And turning time

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# I was mocked at every turn

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# And now it's time

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# The world must learn

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# Keep trying

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# That is all you need to do

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# Keep trying

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# You got me and I got you

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# Keep trying

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# There's no need to end it all

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# Keep trying

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# Head up high and standing tall

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# Standing tall. #

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HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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# City centre in Portland, Maine

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# April 8th's gonna be insane

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# There's no time, no time to loiter

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# We're off there, then back to Detroit-uh

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# Michigan home, the home of cars

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# In NWC, we'll see you on Mars

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# Rock this nation from station to station

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# Raising Cain all over creation

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# We'll rock you, Philly, Tennessee

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# Ohio, Atlanta and Washington DC

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# Gonna meet ya

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# The Moroccan grill in Forest Hill

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# Rock the night

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# At Spud-U-Like

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# Brian on mic and Mike on drums

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# Pebble on keys and Barry on thumbs

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# Don't forget Quiddy, the king of guitar

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# We'll rock and roll you, wherever you are

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# Aaaah! #

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GRANDIOSE PROG ROCK PLAYS

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BRIAN EMITS A HIGH-PITCHED MOAN

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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HE WAILS AND MOANS

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest.

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Have a look at the headlock here.

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What is the charge?

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Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

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-Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir.

-MOODY ROCK PLAYS

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# John Bartlett ate a Chinese meal

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# A succulent Chinese meal... #

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Get your hand off my penis!

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# Crispy duck and egg fried rice

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# Pretty soon he'd have to pay the price

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# The waiter said, "You must sling your hook"

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# Mistaking John for a common crook

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# The police responded to the waiter

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# Turning up seconds later

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# In a headlock, they compressed his nuts

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# Drove him off with no ifs or buts

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# All John wanted was a Chinese meal

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# Now his cock and his balls go squeal

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# Now his cock and his balls

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# Go squeal... #

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Kenny G.

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Ah, I see you know your Judo well.

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Listen, people, this is democracy manifest.

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Get your hand off my penis!

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Enough! Get your hand off my penis!

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People, look, this is democracy manifest.

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Now, sling your hook.

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JAUNTY SYNTHPOP PLAYS

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# It's minus ten in no man's land

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# I've got trench foot and I haven't got a hand

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# But I don't care because it's Christmas

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# We don't care because it's Christmas... #

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HE SINGS IN GERMAN

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# So put down your guns, shove on your shorts

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# Put out the smokes, have a glass of port

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# And let's all have a game of football

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# Let's all have a game of football

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# Bum-bum ba-ba-ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum-bum-bum

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# Ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum

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# But oh how I wish I was at home with my missus

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# Bum, ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-bum, bum-bum, ba-ba-bum

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum-bum

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba-bum-bum-bum-bum

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba-bum

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# Put down your guns, shove on your shorts

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# Put out the smokes, have a glass of port

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# And let's all have a game of football

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# Let's all have a game of football

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# Ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum

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# But oh how I wish I was at home with my missus

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# Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-ba-ba-bum, bum-bum, ba-ba-bum. #

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BRITPOP ROCK PLAYS

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# Her name was Poundland Polly

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# She was really off her trolley

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# I killed her goose with my brolly

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# You know her mum was a wally

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# She knew a bloke called Chester

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# He drove a blue Fiesta

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# She wore dirty knickers

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# Scoffing on fun-size Snickers

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# I took her to the cemetery

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# I felt her up by a willow tree

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# Her mum was pretty mad at me, so she sacked me from the factory

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# I took her to the cemetery

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# I felt her up by a willow tree

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# Her mum was pretty mad at me, so she sacked me from the factory

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# I'm on the dole again

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# I've blown my tyre in my chariot of fire

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# I've blown my rotten tyre

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# In my chariot of fire

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# I've blown my blooming tyre

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# In my chariot of fire

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# I've blown my rotten tyre

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# In my chariot of fire

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# With Poundland Polly. #

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APPLAUSE

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-# Desmond Tutu

-Desmond Tutu, Archbishop

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-# Desmond Tutu

-Desmond Tutu, Archbishop

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# In walked a global activist on issues

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# Pertaining to democracy, freedom and human rights

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# He launched the global campaign

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# To ensure that all children were registered at birth. #

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As further tribute to Brian Pern who died last month, Brian Pern Night continues with Brian Pern at the BBC, featuring some of the musician's greatest Top of the Pops performances with some poorly written captions underneath.


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