At the BBC Brian Pern


At the BBC

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1980S SYNTH-ROCK PLAYS

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# Daddy always told me

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# Check the oil in your car every week

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# That way you can sustain a healthy engine

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# From which you'll benefit in the long run

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# Papa always told me

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# That AIDS came from contaminated pigs

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# I don't really agree with that

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# But it's definitely thought-provoking

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# Daddy, I still miss you

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# I suppose you were quite a decent bloke

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# The smell of your socks in the morning

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# And your semi-racist jokes

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-# Oh Papa

-I went to see my papa

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-# Anyhow

-But the traffic was quite bad

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-# I got stuck in Richmond Parkway

-I wish that you were still here

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# And then spat on by a lad

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-# Oh Papa

-I miss my daddy rotten

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-# Anyhow

-Now he's at the bottom of the sea

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-# I wish that you were still here

-And when I call on Tuesday

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# Reverse the charges, they're not free

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# I wish that you were still here

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-# Oh Papa

-Daddy, I still miss you

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-# Anyhow

-Papa

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-# Sorry, I didn't see you there

-I wish that you were still here

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# Clumsy of me

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# Come on, up you get Come on, up you get

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# Come on, let's get a move on

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# Come on, let's get a move on

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# Come on, come on

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# Come on, let's get a move on

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# You've got your socks on back to front

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# Come on, come on

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# Come on, up you get

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# Come on. #

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DARK INDUSTRIAL ROCK PLAYS

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# Waiting in the garden, by the shed

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# I saw you washing and making up your bed

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# Creeping through the bushes, over the fence

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# Looked through the window in the bathroom instead

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# I'm taking off my smalls

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# Do you mind if I have a bath?

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# I like it very hot, so my skin goes red

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# Where's your flannel? Where's your flannel?

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# Let me wash and I'll use up your flannel

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# Aaaaah

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# Looking through your condiments and soaps

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# Trying on your bathrobe, checking all the pockets

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# I found a packet of honey and lemon Lockets

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# There's only two left

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-# You must have a cold, you

-BLEEP

-cow

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# Was ist das? Wer ist da?

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# Aaaaah! #

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APPLAUSE

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SLICKLY PRODUCED BALLAD PLAYS

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# You try so hard

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# In your life

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# To make something of yourself

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# For your wife

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# Working every hour

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# That God has sent you

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# To be dumped in the end, like an oily rag

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# Keep trying

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# That is all you need to do

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# Keep trying

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# I got me and I got you

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# Keep trying

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# When the bastards get you down

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# Keep trying

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# Make a smile from that frown

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# Oooooooh

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# I spent so long

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# With my plans

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# Breaking new ground

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# And turning time

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# I was mocked at every turn

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# And now it's time

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# The world must learn

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# Keep trying

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# That is all you need to do

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# Keep trying

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# You got me and I got you

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# Keep trying

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# There's no need to end it all

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# Keep trying

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# Head up high and standing tall

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# Standing tall. #

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HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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# City centre in Portland, Maine

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# April 8th's gonna be insane

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# There's no time, no time to loiter

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# We're off there, then back to Detroit-uh

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# Michigan home, the home of cars

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# In NWC, we'll see you on Mars

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# Rock this nation from station to station

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# Raising Cain all over creation

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# We'll rock you, Philly, Tennessee

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# Ohio, Atlanta and Washington DC

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# Gonna meet ya

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# The Moroccan grill in Forest Hill

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# Rock the night

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# At Spud-U-Like

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# Brian on mic and Mike on drums

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# Pebble on keys and Barry on thumbs

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# Don't forget Quiddy, the king of guitar

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# We'll rock and roll you, wherever you are

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# Aaaah! #

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GRANDIOSE PROG ROCK PLAYS

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BRIAN EMITS A HIGH-PITCHED MOAN

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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HE WAILS AND MOANS

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest.

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Have a look at the headlock here.

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What is the charge?

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Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

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-Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir.

-MOODY ROCK PLAYS

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# John Bartlett ate a Chinese meal

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# A succulent Chinese meal... #

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Get your hand off my penis!

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# Crispy duck and egg fried rice

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# Pretty soon he'd have to pay the price

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# The waiter said, "You must sling your hook"

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# Mistaking John for a common crook

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# The police responded to the waiter

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# Turning up seconds later

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# In a headlock, they compressed his nuts

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# Drove him off with no ifs or buts

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# All John wanted was a Chinese meal

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# Now his cock and his balls go squeal

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# Now his cock and his balls

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# Go squeal... #

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Kenny G.

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Ah, I see you know your Judo well.

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Listen, people, this is democracy manifest.

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Get your hand off my penis!

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Enough! Get your hand off my penis!

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People, look, this is democracy manifest.

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Now, sling your hook.

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JAUNTY SYNTHPOP PLAYS

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# It's minus ten in no man's land

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# I've got trench foot and I haven't got a hand

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# But I don't care because it's Christmas

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# We don't care because it's Christmas... #

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HE SINGS IN GERMAN

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# So put down your guns, shove on your shorts

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# Put out the smokes, have a glass of port

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# And let's all have a game of football

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# Let's all have a game of football

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# Bum-bum ba-ba-ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum-bum-bum

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# Ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum

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# But oh how I wish I was at home with my missus

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# Bum, ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-bum, bum-bum, ba-ba-bum

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum-bum

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba-bum-bum-bum-bum

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba-bum

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# Put down your guns, shove on your shorts

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# Put out the smokes, have a glass of port

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# And let's all have a game of football

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# Let's all have a game of football

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# Ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum, ba-ba-bum-bum-bum, ba-ba-ba-bum-bum

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# But oh how I wish I was at home with my missus

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# Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-ba-ba-bum, bum-bum, ba-ba-bum. #

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BRITPOP ROCK PLAYS

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# Her name was Poundland Polly

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# She was really off her trolley

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# I killed her goose with my brolly

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# You know her mum was a wally

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# She knew a bloke called Chester

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# He drove a blue Fiesta

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# She wore dirty knickers

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# Scoffing on fun-size Snickers

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# I took her to the cemetery

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# I felt her up by a willow tree

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# Her mum was pretty mad at me, so she sacked me from the factory

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# I took her to the cemetery

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# I felt her up by a willow tree

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# Her mum was pretty mad at me, so she sacked me from the factory

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# I'm on the dole again

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# I've blown my tyre in my chariot of fire

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# I've blown my rotten tyre

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# In my chariot of fire

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# I've blown my blooming tyre

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# In my chariot of fire

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# I've blown my rotten tyre

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# In my chariot of fire

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# With Poundland Polly. #

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APPLAUSE

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-# Desmond Tutu

-Desmond Tutu, Archbishop

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-# Desmond Tutu

-Desmond Tutu, Archbishop

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# In walked a global activist on issues

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# Pertaining to democracy, freedom and human rights

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# He launched the global campaign

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# To ensure that all children were registered at birth. #

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