Fast-turnaround comedy series voiced by Ruth Jones. A cast of real British people, chosen for their sharp wit and humorous take on life, all discuss the news of the week.
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what size are you, sweetheart? Mother of the
what size are you, sweetheart? Donald Trump's top team. He might be
a bit but Donald Trump's top team. He might be
and views. Have a look at this. Of every day folk collide. A
you think he'd say about it, Phyllis? Turning in his grave.
you think he'd say about it, people, just like you... And quite
possibly like Britain yakking. President Obama has
called for Americans to other since school. They're still
good friends, and both share a love of dominoes. And the occasional
lager. Tony Blair was back in the news this
week, after announcing he would be handing over more than ?9 million of
his own money to a project that promotes globalisation. And LBC's
Nigel Farage couldn't wait to tell us more. He said those of us on the
Brexit side of argument and from macro side of the argument have a
close minded approach to globalisation. What he does want to
do is he wants to oppose the new populism.
Popular is, what is it? I don't have a clue, do you know what it is? I
don't know. I'll have to have a look on Google. I've never heard of
populism, I don't know what it means, must be a new word. I've
never heard of it. No. These intelligent people, when they speak
they should use everyday words that when they speak people can
understand. I don't want to think OK, I'll go home and look up the
meaning for it. I think they're just making words up, because they come
out don't they? And you think to yourself, what does that mean? Yeah.
Populism is a word used by people who hate democracy is functioning
effectively. I like Tony Blair, I don't care what you think. I wanted
to be a politician. Have you got seven? No. The nice thing is we
thought we'd got rid of Tony Blair. Yes, and now he's back again. He
wasn't a very good Prime Minister, I feel. The worst, Lord Liverpool was
bad, and he was only bad because he was so right wing. Those years of
97-2005, Alastair Campbell... Things can only get better. He isn't coming
back. I like that song! Where has he been all this time? We don't know,
we haven't heard anything from him. Is he trying to worm his way back
into British politics? To make up for Iraq? Strange on that one, very
strange. What's strange about it? Wants to put up ?9 million of his
own money. There's something in it for him, something in it for him. He
wants to come back and get new friends and I think he wants to rule
the country again. He wants to rule the world. Rule the world.
Interesting, what does his wife say about that? She wants to buy another
house. He wanted to be president of the union. I think if he can block
us leaving the EU, Denny may think he can somehow smarmy his way into
some position that. Wants to be president of the European Union.
Yes. Among other things. If not he wants to be God. I can't wait to see
what he does. Stop butting in, you've had your time, your old news!
I like Cherie. Cherie Blair? I think she's great. She's got an awful
smile, like the Joker. Like she's been given one of those Chelsea
grins. Married for 30 years, Mick and Dawn run a butchers shop in
Birmingham. Specialising in cooked meats, bacon and pies. Both the news
on social media marvelled at the sheer scale of the devastating
developments near the South Pole this week. Scientists at the BBC a
giant iceberg is ready to break off from the ice shelf in Antarctica --
Antarctica. Maybe the biggest on record, 3000 square miles. It's a
big one, isn't it? A quarter the size of Wales. Actually it has
broken off yet, it's fractured, yeah? But what happens when it does
fracture, where is going to float? Where's it going to go? As long as
it doesn't come at us, we all right. Antarctica is a bit of a. Floating
floating north is what it means. Will it or will it go south? It has
to float north because it's the most southerly point on the planet. So if
it breaks off from that it can only go one way, North. But it could go
east. Will it hit Ireland's first? No, heading north. But Ireland is in
the North Sea, isn't it? No! LAUGHTER
Is it? You are never any good at geography. If something is that the
most southerly point and it moves it can only go up, can't it? If it went
east it would go around a circle and swap back in. The world is round so
if it was at the bottom, it could just go that way or that way. It's
still north, up is North, because it's heading that way. The South
Pole, North, heading north, going further up. Wales is there. Where we
are is roundabout there. For heavens sake, love. The fecking country,
they just use it as an analogy. The size of the iceberg is the quarter
the size of Wales. I understand that. It's not heading for us. Don't
patronise me. You said it was heading for as. No. It's going to
take months to melt, months. Yeah. That sick, the climate is changing
around the world, isn't it? Getting warmer. People have been moaning for
donkeys years about it. Yeah. We had the ice age and as you said the
prehistoric age on all the other ages and we got through it. I think
we're too... What's the name, very adaptable, the animals are
adaptable. Someone will think of something. We've managed since the
ice age, haven't we? Things are happening that are abnormal, I'm
telling you. These are warning signs, these things, telling us...
We've got to start taking care of our planet. We've got icebergs
floating all over the place now you know? Hello babe comedy won that
one? Global warming. Would you wear that if it was cold out there? Don't
ask, should my not buy it. What's wrong with you! Alice, Sheila and
Phyllis are all in their 80s. On Tuesdays and Fridays they work out
together at Heather's keep fit club in Hull.
On Thursday, the newspapers were awash with the story that the Queen
nearly came a cropper. When one of her guards nearly shot her. Oh my
gosh, the Queen was lucky there! During a late-night stroll through
Buckingham Palace gardens. Somebody said the other day that she
nearly got shot and I thought it was a joke. No, it's right. Imagines
that! He was going to shoot her? He didn't know it was her, he thought
it was an intruder. How can he not tell, she has a pretty unique
silhouette, doesn't she? He actually said to the Queen, do know what he
said? I don't know, but he didn't shoot her! He said good grief, I
nearly shot U mamma. He didn't realise it was the Queen. What I
think was unbelievable, she said to the guard, I do apologise young man,
I'm so sorry, I have phoned down to tell you I was coming for a walk.
What a load of bullocks. If he had have shot her... There are loads of
cameras. Can you imagine what it would have been like? Yeah... What
about Port Phillip? I wonder what he was thinking. That would be the end
of him. -- Prince Philip. That would be the end of him. He's been naughty
over the years but he loves her. We haven't seen the Queen for donkeys
since New Year, missed loads of services. I thought, she is dead. I
thought it was breaking News. It would break our heart. So that's
what I thought. It wouldn't have broken my heart. It would have broke
my heart. To be honest, to see her again like that... Brought a smile
to my face, you know? Who do you think will take over from her? Do
you think Prince Charles? No, no. I think William might take over. You
think William? I don't think Charles will because people don't like him.
She's been there for donkeys, hasn't she? Exactly. She looks safe as
houses, her. You only have to look at her, she's not snotty, is she?
She's beautiful. Walls, was. Still beautiful, a beautiful lady. Don't
be dissing the Queen. I've gone out for walks in the early hours of the
morning, I'm not ashamed to admit it and there's a good reason. Why's
that? I can't put up with her snoring. Oh God, if you could use
the Richter scale it would be a .7, I've got to get out. The walls move.
I put a plug for my year, I put a towel around my head, it don't mean
anything. The noise is unbearable. That's why I've gone for a walk, to
get some serenity at 3am. I imagine how Her Majesty the Queen feels.
Stan and Billy have been friends since their days at Bootle Boys'
Brigade, when they were 11. Whatever the weather they spend two days a
week swinging back clubs at Formby golf centre.
The papers and Internet reported on a recent survey carried out in the
UK that found that the average Brit spends more than a year and a half
of their lives in a rotten mood. You are in a good mood? Or have you got
the hump? Do I look like I'm in a good mood? You can't beat what's his
name, you can't be happy 24-7. I am. You are? That's not what your wife
told me. She doesn't have a close. Do think I'm an average Brit? Not at
all. Why not? It an average Brit is in a bad mood for one year and eight
months and you have exceeded that by ten years already! When you don't
win at bingo does that upset you? Yeah, it's the same people that
always win. That's generally the case. I've never been. I do, I go on
a Saturday. I've heard people say... The same people that win all the
time. Yes. Some people are luckier than others, you know? They once did
a survey on it. Not worried about it. They said some people are
naturally more lucky. The thing is, I have a little theory about this. I
think it's all generated from down London way. You're giving me the
hump, you've got a Tottenham Hotspur top for your lady. You know you take
all the figures and do an average. If they generated nine hours of
grumpiness, they generated half an hour and they take that factor over
different cities, that's properly where they get one hour and 40 from.
I'll give you 10% discount because I like you. Give me ?20, lovely.
Listen, if you wear it more than once we don't guarantee it, thanks a
lot. That will never fit is bird. Medium!
Christine and Winnifred work at the West Indian community Centre in
Leeds. Both are devout Christians. Winnifred is a bishop's daughter. As
well as upsetting Mexicans, Muslims and even Meryl Streep, this week, it
was Donald Trump's owned security chiefs who were left reeling. The
winner of the US presidential election has refused to believe that
Russia tried to put him in the White House. When he tweeted his doubts
about whether the Russians tried to sabotage the election. Do you know
what happened to American presidents in the past that have interfered
with the intelligence services? They don't last long. They don't. Mr
Nixon will tell you all about that. You cannot mess with the Secret
Service. He's connecting, isn't he? He's connecting. Do you know how
many he is getting? It is unbelievable. They have got to stop
him. They have got to stop the twittering. When he is president, he
cannot do it. Do you think he will take any notice? He will have to.
What do you think when he is tweeting all the time? Do you think
they say anything to him? He will say, who do you think you are
talking to? I tell you what to do. You don't tell me what to do. They
are probably scared to say anything to him. A fiver. The American people
voted him in. They knew what he was like. But everybody's got to suffer.
They knew what he was like, and they chose to vote him in, irrespective
of what they had against Hillary. Everyone is saying you can't be
friends with Russia. Why not? Why are they worried about Q10. I know
Putin likes horse riding. Maybe Trump likes to go horse riding as
well. Proper bareback? I do not trust Putin. He is very sly. Who can
you trust? You can't trust no one, Frank. Do you think I trust you?
Putin and Donald Trump together. That is a disaster, to me. Sounds
good to me. Frank is Jewish and supports West Ham. Amy was born in
Cyprus and is Muslim. They have been pals for 25 years. This week, the
papers reported on the plans being made for fracking to take place in
the Sherwood Foresters. The first part of the operation involves...
What the hell is fracking? The aim is to reach the tiny fissures in the
shale rock. Sherwood Foresters of all places. Look at all the wildlife
in there! They should keep places like that free. But then again, the
people that live near the areas, they do not want it there either.
There's been a lot of demonstrations. What is fracking? I
am not familiar with that phrase? Just tell me what it is. The Mac
gas. Oilrig. The Mac gas. It is like Dallas, Texas. You see these
machines going up and down, digging for oil. That's what it is, to see
if there's any natural gases underneath the... Basically, the
floor. They drill into the ground, and they drill quite a way down, and
then they find something. What is it they find? I can't remember. And
they drill. They drill? That's what I just said. Why are you repeating
what I said? But how do they collect the gas? You can't see gas. They
know what to do with it. So what the hell do you think they do with it?
They must put it somewhere. They must... To get it into the
container, that's what they must use, a container. They've got to do
something with it, otherwise it will escape. Unless it's a colour. There
might be a colour to it. How do they know when they've got it? Do you
really know how it works, or are you guessing? I haven't got a clue
whatsoever. Now it's fracking. Where does it end. What's next? Where does
it end? It's all right now, but what about generations after us? That's
what worries me. That's what you worry about, your grandkids. Of
course you do, and what kind of the world they will live in. It doesn't
bear thinking about, does it? Sorry, Sheila. Best mates Brandon and Tony
are Vietnamese nail technicians. They have a passion for dancing,
girls and well gelled nails. On Sunday there was an unusual
exclusive in the Sun newspaper that also went viral. They found a sperm
donor on Facebook. About the first British man to reveal he was four
months pregnant. So he's got two parts now. Boys bits and girls bits.
I don't think so, I don't know. Are the girl's bits still there? He will
not have both genitals. He will only have one or the other. You are male
or female, not both. He's a fella and he is four months pregnant. Are
you listening? He's a bloke. This is the headline. Four months pregnant
bloke. He must have a flipping tally... In the eyes of the law, he
is referred to as a man. But is the law always right? You know that a
man can't get pregnant. It doesn't matter what they say. I know she
found a sperm donor on Facebook. He came to the house, right? Used his
sperm in a tube. And then injected it into her. So she hasn't seen him
face-to-face? I can't understand why, if he wants to get pregnant,
if... She'd? It is a he. Is there anything wrong with men having
babies? Forget about how it came about. Men having babies, though? It
doesn't sound right. It doesn't. What is the world coming to? It is
all equality. You can't say nothing, or they will make you for equality.
This is the time we are in, Frank. This is the modern day. Genetically,
the biological fact is only women can give birth. Simple as that. Do
you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Best of luck to him. To her. To him. To
her. Francis and father David met as vicars in church in 76. Now they
meet once a week for port and pontification.
Theresa May has had a difficult start... On Thursday, the media went
into overdrive, revealing that Theresa May planned to make a speech
at the end of the month. The mail takes aim at the Economist for what
it calls a sneering hatchet job... She intends to outline her plans for
Britain outside of Europe. So she's going to let us know what it's all
about now. She's finally going to say something about Brexit. I don't
know what took so long? Stopped looking! She has got a plan. Have
you read it? I saw it. Theresa May planned speech. Why is she waiting
for weeks? If she could do it now, she do it now. Obviously, she needs
to get her act together, sought her shit out. Why does it take four
weeks? If she is planning it, what is she planning? What is going on?
Silence. She wants to be, like... That speech. Shock and awe. Written
is going to rise up behind her. Camera was strike on it. Straight on
it. -- Cameron. Lost the Brexit vote, a day later, he was out. This
woman is messing about. For weeks before she talks of her intentions.
We want to know what's going on. Everyone's got to know. The Germans
know, the French know. They know what they're going to say, but we
don't know what we're going to say. The speech has got to be, Brexit is
Brexit. I'm sick of hearing that. Why don't they say, all Brexit means
is we are leaving. Not tomorrow, but the next day. We're leaving. That's
it. We will stop paying you. You will stop paying us, allegedly, and
then that's it. Go our separate ways. It's a hard thing to say,
because it is her job. You've got to stop and think about it. I would let
the public know how far I was going to go, what I would do. I wouldn't
just sit and write a speech. I would have to tell them, we're going to do
this, this is how it's going to go, keep in touch with the public. I'm
not going to say anything about it, because I don't know enough about
it. I know she bought a pair of trousers for ?900. I know she did. A
pair of trousers, ?900. I'm not happy with Theresa May at all.
People said she was going to be another Margaret Thatcher. That's
because she's a woman. After Churchill, Thatcher was probably the
best Prime Minister we've had. She's not going to be another Margaret
Thatcher. She is sitting on the fence, then taking over as Prime
Minister. She must have something about her. Of course she has. Where
did that one go? I think I would like to work for her. She's a late
riser. She prefers to work late and get up late. You are always crack of
dawn. You said late riser. She likes to get things done. Thanks, to
reason, as long as we get out of Brexit.
Returning soon to BBC Two - Insert Name Here, the comedy...
Ladies and gentlemen, apologies on behalf of Southern
Fast-turnaround comedy series voiced by Gavin & Stacey's Ruth Jones. It features a regular cast of real British people, chosen for their sharp wit and humorous take on life, all discussing the news from that week - from major breaking stories to the most bizarre headlines.
Amongst the cast are a couple of East End market traders, dinner ladies from Leeds, Mancunian male nail technicians, Brummie butchers, Scottish launderette owners, supermarket co-workers and three great grandmothers from Hull.
This week's stories include:
Blair v Populism Giant Iceberg Queen Nearly Shot Bad-Mood Brits Fracking Trump Supports Assange Pregnant Man Theresa May Plans Speech.