Fast turnaround comedy series voiced by Ruth Jones. A cast of real British people, chosen for their sharp wit and humorous take on life, all discuss the news of the week.
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Great Britain. Struggling to cope, a major alert in
almost half of all NHS trusts in England. People in corridors on
trolleys, in queues. Land of Hope and Glory.
Freezing weather is causing disruption across much of the UK
with snow showers and strong winds. Last night we had our first bit of
snow in the winter, all over the place, it's snowing in Britain, it's
snowing in Croydon. If we never had the weather British
people wouldn't have anything to talk about. Where change is afoot.
If it doesn't suit them they're going to blame Brexit. If it's
raining, it's because we're in Brexit, got a cold, that's it,
because we're in Brexit. The news and views of everyday folk collide.
Americans are in the incredible position nine days before the
inauguration of having to decide whether their President elect is a
Russian agent of influence. It's all fake news, it's only stuff, it
didn't happen. They say he's very charismatic. Quiet! Quiet! Go ahead,
she is asking a question, don't be rude. But then again, Hitler was,
wasn't he? What I'm proposing cannot mean membership of the Single
Market. That speech, she is not so maybe anymore, is she? I don't think
she would call that hard, that is hard, hard, isn't it? Now the voices
of reason get their say. Labour is falling apart under Corbyn. He wants
us to get rid of Trident, he wants us to get rid of all that and sit
round a big baby table and sing come by our. And bring some common sense
to what's happened this week. Good friends Jonathan and Jonny are
from Darlington. They both work in a supermarket and love a pint and a
game of dominoes. If you look down here they have a step they have to
put their foot against to get a good grip because you can't pull these
down, you've got to properly yank it down. Alice, Sheila and Phyllis go
twice a week to keep fit in pole. They love nothing more than a slice
of cake and a cup of tea. Do you put your milk in first or after? I
always put the milk in first. I often put evaporated milk in. I love
that. I maybe shouldn't. I think at my age it doesn't really matter.
Exactly. This week has been a very busy one
for President-elect Donald Trump. The media coverage has been
extensive. Mr Trump always has his hands like that. Like that, yes.
Whether sharing his thoughts on Anglo-American relations post the
referendum. Donald Trump has proposed a quick trade deal with
Britain after becomes President. Or defending himself against explosive
allegations. Donald Trump has gone on the attack against his own
intelligence agencies. He responds with anger to claims that Russia has
obtained compromising information about him and his links to President
Putin. Documents appear to claim Russia had secretly filmed him for
later use as blackmail. Released by maybe the intelligence agencies. Who
knows? One makes salacious claims about Trump's salacious Dimeck
alleged use of prostitutes and the FSB had arranged to monitor them.
Does anybody really believe that story? I'm also very much a
germophobe, by the way,. The ludicrous accusation in this
document is that Donald Trump in the grand suite of a Moscow hotel which
he must have known was bugged would pay prostitutes to urinate on him.
That is the measure of this filthy little document. Even if this is
true, it's just embarrassing for him. He's not bothered, is he? They
could release the footage on CNN and all Trump's organisation would say
is... It's fake news, it's phoney. He likes that word. That really does
look like you. And I would like to congratulate these... It's very
good. It's very good, it looks like me. The Russians say it is nothing
to do with them. What do you think? They don't admit to anything, they
deny everything. I think as long as they can get something on somebody.
I think I know what you mean, yes. Yes.
If there was a video do you think the Russians would have absolute
control? Totally. That's if Trump plays the game right. So it's going
to be literally, Trump would be his biatch. Putin's biatch. That is what
they do, they get people into compromising situations and then
blackmail them, don't they? Yes. It's been going on for years. I
think it's going to be another Nixon and he will step down. Do you think
he will? He will get his presidency and he will step down. Whereas they
had the Watergate, this could be the water bed. He could get impeached
for this. He could make Nixon... They could make Watergate look like
a tea party. The only grounds could be. If it was criminal activity.
Only if he was under the influence of the Russians, but there is no
evidence of that at all, they are just wild accusations from his
enemies. What they have got to do is show us more evidence. They can't
just say he has done this. If they have no proof, look what they did to
Cliff Richard. It doesn't matter what comes out. He could be in bed
with anything or everything. Is it going to make any difference? He is
President-elect. Anything that's come out, do you think it's going to
make any difference? He's Donald Trump. Granted, a twit but...
Somebody is trying to bring him down with these sex romps. Year.
Definitely, I think they are. And before he's even President. Nobody
has given him a chance. Not even a sniff. He's not even been in office
and people are chatting shit about him already, he's had a bad week,
hasn't he? He's had a bad week. Dawn and Mick got married 30 years
ago. They work side-by-side as butchers in their family business in
Birmingham. You have me working hard, Mick. The blessings of God.
Noreen and hurt son hourly work in a family run newsagent in Edinburgh.
Ali is the eldest of her three children. What is this headline
about? Do we actually sell this? -- headlight. We have sold three. Have
we? This week the papers and Internet
reported the terrible news that another of our favourite sweet
treats was to be downsized due to the falling pound. Check this out,
mum. Brexit is after our French Fancies. Mr Kipling is to replace
its box of nine cake slices with a smaller pack of eight. Everything's
getting smaller, isn't it? There will be nothing left. Will you
suffer? Of course I will suffer, if I've got nine cakes and I will go
down to eight, I'm going to suffer. Imagine if you have ten kids and
there is only nine cakes in the box, it means you have to buy two boxes
to please the kids. That's OK. Of course it isn't, what do you do with
the rest? You either rest and put on weight. I hope they don't cut down
on the Viennese waltz. The fall in the value of the pound following the
vote for independence. Another reason we should stay, Mr Kipling
makes exceedingly small cakes. I quite like the chocolate fancies.
With Brexit and all these other excuses, sugar has never been so
cheap, bags of sugar for 39p. You cannot tell me he is putting sugar
in his cakes. He might use agave. Do you remember buying 1p sweets and
now they are 5p and 10p and that is not Brexit's fault. Do you remember
Fred ons and Chump, they used to be massive and now they are tiny and in
sheep packaging. It is just inflation. It cannot be Brexit's
fault. It feels like they are blaming Brexit for everything. If I
could put my price up I would do, you look for any excuse. They have
given them a great excuse with Brexit. Yes. Let's see how far you
can get the ball Bill. Not a bad shot, Sunshine. If it doesn't suit
them they will blame Brexit. If it's raining, it's because we are in
Brexit. Look, look at that, it's because of Brexit, I've got a cold,
that's it, because of Brexit. I thought it was raining heavily the
other day and I thought this lasted Brexit, why couldn't we have voted
to stay in and it would be sunshine all the time. Wall-to-wall sunshine,
Scott Shearer. What about the toilet roll? What about them? They have
gone from 220 down to 200 sheets. How many people do you know have
looked at a toilet roll, stuck them in the toilet and realised they are
20 sheets short. But I've noticed. You have? Yes I have. Unless they
told you I wouldn't have a clue, if you stuck that toilet roll in the
toilet roll holder and told me there where 20 sheets less I wouldn't have
a fecking clue. That's because you used 20 in one go. If you have an
entirely pink bathroom and green toilet roll. It makes me laugh,
saying I will have to leave it, you can only leave it for so long,
Cardew? How long were you planning on leaving it? Wait a minute.
Toblerone is Swiss. Why are Toblerone is reduced? They are not
in the European Union. Never mind leaving, they didn't join. The gap
between the triangles is getting bigger and bigger. Why would that be
Brexit's fault? This was just follow suit, don't they? Frank and Davie
run market stalls in the East End of London. They've been friends for 25
years. The blue top, it is for a child, 5-6 years. I do apologise.
What do you want? Just a side. It yesterday in Theresa May's much
anticipated Brexit speech is made her stance on future trade with
Europe. What I am proposing cannot mean membership of this and will
market. On taking control of our borders. We will get control of the
number of people coming to Britain from the EU. And on making our own
laws. Leaving the European Union will mean that our laws will be made
at Westminster, Edinburgh, Cardiff and Belfast.
She said, you know, we will leave the Single Market and we will be
able to put a curb on immigration. What a mistake. If we come out of
the Single Market, the cost of import is going to go sky high, and
who is going to suffer? Us. When she talks in Prime Minister's Question
Time she can be a little patronising, there is an undertone.
She is very much like Thatcher but she reminds me of Gordon Brown. She
pulls faces like Gordon Brown, Gordon Brown used to say something
and then go like that... She does the same, she pulls a face but I
love it when she focuses on an issue. Do you remember the first one
and she went, remind you of anyone and she looked about. I was
intimidated and I was only watching on telly. She's got a job she
probably doesn't even want to do so she must be finding it hard. I'm not
defending her. In a sense I probably am. But she must find it difficult.
Of course she's going to find it hard because she wanted to remain.
She seems to be determined now, don't you think? Well, there are
some people who believe in what they're doing, if they take a job on
they do the job. Yes. They don't try and scupper it. No, she will not try
and fudge it them? No, I think she will do her job. She wants to be
remembered for doing the job. Only time will tell, it will be the test
of time if she has negotiated the best deal. Three years from now we
will see. Nobody can forecast what will happen. Three years from now
everyone will be sorry they voted for Brexit, trust me on that. The
thing is, the public, including us, are frustrated because we can't
criticise ourselves. Even though we're not happy about leading the
Single Market and we're not completely happy about leaving
Europe we can't blame anyone, it's us. We like to blame the
politicians, we like to save look what they've done, we want to be up
in arms but we can't. I tell you what Theresa may need more than
anything else. Mandelson. We are all believers really when we think about
it -- Leavers. We have been forced into it. We haven't been forced into
it. We voted. Yes, and everybody that wanted to remain. We haven't
been forced into it. We have. The vote didn't go our way. For feck's
sake, the vote went wrong. Who would have thought it would be so
difficult to leave. Things are difficult. That's life, though,
isn't it. I'm picking another domino. I've got loads.
Christine and Winnifred had been friends for 30 years. They live in
Leeds. They share a passion for the church and cooking West Indian food.
There are only three things I would not eat. A dog, cat and a monkey.
No. Go on them. Look at that. This week, Joseph Fiennes was at the
centre of a Twitter storm that sparked a press frenzy. A
controversial TV show where he portrayed Michael Jackson was pulled
at outrage from the singer's family. Paris Jackson is curious that her
dad, who is definitely black, is being played by Joseph wines, who is
definitely right. -- Joseph Fiennes. It is about a rumoured road trip
that Michael Jackson is alleged to have taken with Marlon Brando and
Elizabeth Taylor. That would have been a great film, that. It's a
shame. She said that she was so incredibly offended by it, and it
honestly makes me want to vomit. Is that what Paris said? It makes want
to vomit? She is obviously upset about it all. Michael Jackson almost
looks as white as that man that is playing him, so what is the problem?
It is only because we know that he started off black. You cannot argue
with Paris because that is his daughter and she says she is
offended, but you have to think, well, we all know Michael Jackson
was white. Michael Jackson is black. He started out black. Didn't see?
But he wasn't born white. He was born black. So she has every right
to kick up a fuss. Off the wall, he was black. But by Thriller, he was
Ashley Cole. Then by Bad, he was like... Ben Affleck. Even whiter.
Casper? Yeah. I saw the picture of Joseph Fiennes, who is going to play
the part. I don't think he looks a bit like Michael Jackson. I don't
think so. He must've been good to get that part, when he did that
audition. Probably dancing, because Michael Jackson could move. I think
he must have been a good mover and a good singer. If you want to play
someone that is dead, pretty much the most iconic entertainer that has
ever lived, bar none... Elvis Presley? I think Michael Jackson
beaten, to be honest. Maybe. You have got to be sensitive,
considering the controversy around him, you have to be sensitive to you
portrayed. Did you like Michael Jackson, Phyllis? I did. I used to
watch him on television. He certainly could move, couldn't see?
I thought he was talented. I remember him when he first came
here, he was only a little boy. He was Bonnie. He is a legend, isn't
he? We will never see another Michael Jackson again, will we?
Never, ever again. Ed Sheeran, in four years, he will be gone. Who is
that ging. Brandon and Tony are Vietnamese nail technicians. They
work in their brother's nail salon. I look good for 30. I look smashing.
I have got a good head of hair. Some people would die for this. There was
an extraordinary story reported by the mirror this week about a
100-year-old woman who had never the Isle of Man. I wouldn't like to live
to 100 years, would you? Yeah. Me 101 and you 100. That's impossible
because you're too and years older than me anyway. Imagine not seeing
anything, like she wouldn't have seen Buckingham Palace, the Tower of
London, the NEC in Birmingham, the big wheels. The German market. She
would have experienced nothing like that. But how often do you go down
to the NEC? No, but I've been there. And I'm not a hundred, by the way. I
might look it, but I'm not. Well, you haven't been there that often
and it's on your doorstep. So for her to think, I'm going to the NEC,
big deal. Have you travelled around England? I've seen a fair bit of
England. I've seen a lot of it. Have you been to Scotland? I've never
been to Scotland, have you? No. I've never been to the Isle of Man. I've
never been to the Isle of Man, but I've been to the Isle of Wight.
That's where they have the TT races. I don't suppose there's much else
there. Do they have their own currency? I think they do. I've seen
one. Someone paid. In the Isle of Man? It's the same value. It's got
the Queen's head but it's the Isle of Man. It's got three legs, hasn't
it? Let's talk about the cats. The cats? The cats have no tales. Are
you talking about legs? Legs? Is it the Isle of Man that has the Manx
cats? It is, isn't it? Without a tail? That's right. My dad had one
of them for years. A cat with no tail. If you cut a tale of any cat,
you will have one. If you cut a tale of a cat, you don't get a Manx cat,
it is specially bred. Are they still part of the UK? I swear they are.
It's like Jersey, isn't it? They have their own thing but whenever
they need us, yeah, yeah we still got the Queen. Francis and father
David met in the 70s when they were both ordnance in the Anglican free
stood. Although Frances left to pursue a career in journalism, they
catch up regularly over a glass of claret. This week, the BBC reported
more bad news for Labour. Tristram Hunt is resigning. With the
departure of one of the party's high-profile shadow ministers.
Triggering a by-election in his Stoke constituency, an area that
voted for Brexit and for Ukip came second in the election. The papers
ran with headlines that suggested Ukip may try to capitalise on the
opportunity. Tristram Hunt has left, fundamentally, because he feels he
has are brighter future away from Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party.
We are confident that there is a large number of voters that will
feel exactly the same way in the constituency. Labour must be
petrified. To right they are. Did you see he tweeted his resignation
letter, which seems to be the trend now. He tweeted it and said, he's
going to follow his passion for history and the arts. He just
changed his mind and decided he wants to work in a museum? That's
mad, isn't it? From an MP to working in a museum. That's like us quitting
this job here and working in a zoo. All these politicians, they are bit
arty 40 anyway. If the Victoria and Albert Museum has offered this guy a
job, he thinks, well, what is named? Tristram Hunt? Tristram Hunt. He
sounds like ponds anyway, doesn't he? It's a posh name. Tristram Hunt
and the Victoria and Albert Museum, they go hand-in-hand. Tristram Hunt,
I never liked the name Tristram. It's not Tristram, it's Tristram.
You have to make an effort to say it. Does the Ukip party connector
you? I bloody hope not. Obviously they have some good points. You
can't deny that, can you? You can't be the first Oriental Ukip
supporter. Why do they have a by-election, why does it not just go
to the next highest result? Which is Ukip, only by 33 votes over the
Tories, by the way, so it would go to Ukip, as a Ukip seat. Why do they
have to have a by-election because technically they voted for that
person second. But politics is progressive so that might not be how
people feel now. It would save a lot of money. Maybe put that money into
the NHS, the money we spend on by-elections. They do not need any
more money. All right, chorizo. -- all right, Theresa May. Stan and
Billy have known each other since they were 11. Twice a week, they
meet for a round of golf. What are they shot that was. Just when I said
I was improving a bit. -- what a rubbish shot that was. There was an
interesting article in the Observer and online this week. Nipples.
Highlighting recent 30% rise in request for nipple reduction
surgery. Have you got little nibbles? You've got little nothing.
A lot of women are thinking their nipples are too big so they want
them reduced. I thought it was their breasts they wanted reducing. They
are happy with the breasts, but now they want DDs to be like Cs. I can
see the benefit of having your nipples reduced. What benefit is it?
They must be short of work. Everyone has had everything done, their eyes,
their ears, their knees. And then all of a sudden you need small
nipples. Extraordinary, isn't it. Not really, because there is no
accounting for taste these days. But it has always been the same. There
was a time when big nipples seemed to be the thing. But for ladies with
big nipples, that stick out through their clothes, and it is
embarrassing. They can't get it to go down. And when it is cold, it is
even worse. How do you know? Because you can see it. It is even worse
when you are called. The nipples are an erogenous zone, so if you cut it
down, or do surgery on it, they lose sensitivity. They might do. I bet it
is painful. I wouldn't have nothing done. Have you had any plastic
surgery? Do you know what, don't laugh. But I have. Where have you
had plastic surgery? Being of my faith, I used to have a very hooked
nose. Don't laugh. And my ears stuck out, so I went into the London
clinic in the West End, bless my father, his dear soul, and I had my
nose reshaped. Is that the best they could come up with? Why are women
doing all of this? Insecurity, isn't it? But why are they so insecure? I
would go, listen, babe, I love you, don't change for me. And that's the
God untruth. -- the God dam truth. I think they should do a survey with
men because men know what they want in a Lady's body, more than anybody
else. If they approach the men, there are some men that will like
them and some men that will not. I would like to find out who started
this craze and who has had this nipple reduction. It will come out
in the wash, want it? Hello, lovely. Two work, coming up. It has been cut
this morning. -- two pork.
Fast turnaround comedy series voiced by Gavin & Stacey's Ruth Jones. It features a regular cast of real British people, chosen for their sharp wit and humorous take on life, all discussing the news from that week - from major breaking stories to the most bizarre headlines.
Amongst the cast are a couple of East End market traders, dinner ladies from Leeds, Mancunian male nail technicians, Brummie butchers, Scottish launderette owners, supermarket co-workers and three great-grandmothers from Hull.
This week's stories include:
Trump's dirty dossier Mr Kipling (cakes getting smaller) Theresa May's speech Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson 100-year-old woman Tristram Hunt's resignation/The rise of UKIP Nipple reduction surgery.