Episode 6 Common Sense

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Great Britain. MPs have voted by a large majority to allow the


government to start formal divorce talks with the EU. The 52 Labour MPs


rebelled in the vote. Jeremy Corbyn remains defiant despite the


rebellion. Tell you what is really worrying for Corbyn, the fact that


four whips rebelled against his whip, and they are the whips, who


control the party. He controls the whips. So he can't control the


party, know what I mean? That really happen? Disgusting. The best talent


gathered at the Albert Hall for the Bafta awards. Acting royalty, like


Meryl Streep and Eddie Redmayne, and actual royalty. I'd like to go to


the Baftas. Don't go to try Mark -- Primark, you'd have to go to


Debenhams. US President Donald Trump could hold a rally in Birmingham.


Because of what's gone on in Parliament, they've moved it away


from Parliament and out of London as well, we think. Can't happen, he has


to come to London. He won't. It's like saying that Theresa May can


have a state visit but not go to White House, they must go to Alaska.


Bring your snow boots. Seems strange. A small problem that the


American people don't like you, Theresa so we thought we would send


you to the freezing cold and hope you don't come again.


My next visit will be to Florence. Oh, I love Florence, the cradle of


the Renaissance. They became friends while training in the Anglican


priesthood. Seeing life through the prism of luxury hotels. Francis has


a gimlet at 5 degrees and is well travelled, and enjoys the finer


things in life. At my age, if I go into a restaurant and I can't see


breakfast, perhaps a future force with the omelette, what is life


worth? What's the point that I grow a few truffles. I have porridge in


the mornings. Two Strongbows, please. The bill to authorise the


start of our withdrawal from the EU may have sailed easily through


parliament but it seems the process highlighted how unsettled things


were in the Labour camp. NEWSREADER More than 50 Labour MPs defined the


-- defied the three line whip and voted against the legislation. It's


a disaster, isn't it? Not a disaster. The knives are out for


him. Labour MPs who defied Jeremy Corbyn will be sent a written


warning but they will not be sacked. Humiliated Corbyn forced to let off


his rebels. Sign of weakness. That's bad. By not firing the MPs, Corbyn


has saved himself a potential human resources challenge. If he sacks


them, there will be no one left and he will be on himself, he could lay


down on the front bench. There was extensive coverage in the press


speculating as to Corbyn's future as leader. So, your future as Labour


leader is in fact, you haven't considered whether you as leader are


damaging the party? I'm surprised the BBC is reporting fake news. Fake


news, where have we heard that before? Trump. Do you think that


Corbyn will go? I hope so but the answer is no. No. He looks like


yesterday's man but unfortunately he is man for tomorrow and tomorrow.


Certainly the Labour Party. Should he resign? Yes. Do the honourable


thing. I don't know if it is honourable because he was voted in,


he has been voted in, know what I mean? I think he'd like to resign.


He won't resign. No. He cannot have ever imagined in his entire lifetime


that he would be the leader of the Labour Party. No one else could


imagine it either! Unita walked in and put your arm around him and say


Jeremy, a bit of a device -- you need to walk in. I'm going to be


your friend, the BNP needs to go, it needs to go. -- the B Let him get


on with it, listen to what he's got to say. Not what he looks like.


Amazing how he stands up to the criticism, really. He gets plenty of


it, poor man. That's what his life has been about. About trudging from


empty church hall to empty church hall, talking to his three hard left


supporters and now he has 600,000 members and he thinks all of his


Christmases have come at once. When it comes to the general election


when there are 40 million people eligible to vote, 600,000 isn't


many. A lot of MPs like him. Give me an example. Diane Abbott. Diane


Abbott! What's wrong with her? Had a romp in a field, with Diane Abbott,


the female MP. Oh, God. There you are, you see. They have romps all


over now, don't they? Must have been some kind of an attraction. They


said it was magnetic. Yeah. Everyone is blaming Corbyn and asking him to


leave but Corbyn is in a no-win situation, he has said he was to


represent the party. Members have said they want him to represent the


party but MPs have said it's impossible, we are losing elections


left right and centre across the country because he's no good to


represent the party. You've got a dilemma. The members have decided,


it is their decision. Challenge your energy into trying to support


Corbyn, rebrand him, influence him to sell the party. He's not going


anywhere and you need to get your head around that. Don't come up in


two years' time and say we lost because of Corbyn, you lost because


you were unable to get your head around the fact that he is the


leader. I'm going to ask you a question that a lot of MPs are


asking Corbyn. Yeah. Can you go? I can't, I actually can't go. Yeah,


very good, bass, what you looking for? Something for the wife? Reports


as to where to store your source had the nation divided. Ketchup, are you


a fridge or cupboard man? The cupboard, and when open, put them in


the fridge. A branch of Asda has decided that customers don't like to


take it off the shelves so they have started putting ketchup in the


chilled section. Have you seen the ketchup in a fridge in the


supermarket? Never. I haven't, it's always on the shelves. Fridge,


fridge! Also fridge. Cupboard. I put mine in the fridge when it is open


but I'm not really a ketchup girl. I like it hot. I believe you!


I must confess immediately, there is no tomato ketchup in my larder, and


to be honest, I can't remember ever having tomato ketchup although I


have seen it on the tables and various greasy spoon cafes. You'll


ketchup has never seen a fridge, ever? No, I keep it in the cupboard


because it doesn't need to be in the fridge. If you read the bottle, it


says, after so many days, refrigerate. No, it don't. There you


go, it has a thing at the bottom, best results, refrigerate after


opening. If it's coming out the fridge, it's going to be cold. That


makes your bacon cold. We've never complained about the bacon sandwich.


It's never been cold. You said you took it out of the fridge. The


source, not the sandwich! On talking about the source. If you've done the


sandwich and bacon and you put the source on from the fridge, I never


said... Divided the nation, hasn't it, half the nation wants to put it


in the cupboard and half the nation in the fridge. So what? You put


tomato ketchup... Oh, disgusting! What do you put on your fish and


chips? Vinegar, salt. Lemon! I've been to places where they say they


don't do ketchup. They frowned upon you when you ask for ketchup. Yeah.


I say, what you got? Hollandaise sauce. Whatever it's called. What's


the other one, peppercorn? Sauce, yeah. Do you keep your eggs in the


fridge? I do, yeah. And butter and margarine, things like that. I keep


my salad stuff in the salad drawer. Yes. Greens.


This week, President Trump played host to the Japanese Prime Minister


Shinzo Abe. NEWSREADER The two leaders travelled to the


President's estate in Florida. Mr Trump said he is committed to the


security of Japan and that its alliance with Washington is the


cornerstone of peace and stability in the Asia-Pacific region. That's a


handshake and a half! The two leaders will discuss the


transpacific trade deal which Mr Trump has said the United States


will abandon. Look at Trump there. Best friends. I don't think! It


looks like he's the student and he is shaking the headmaster's hand.


Yeah. And they don't like each other. Give me your hand, go on.


Don't be shy. And look at me. And you're going, Shinzo Abe, he's


looking for his watch. I thought he was going to break his hand. Thank


you, thank you. And people are man, every time he tried to pull away, I


thought he's going to rip it off his wrist. For someone who is a


germophobe, why would he be touching everybody's hands? There must be


protocol before you shake the President's hands, like the NHS, you


need to clean. His handshake is nearly as long as his signature,


have you seen his signature? Signature? I'll be Lynch I could


write an essay while he does that, it's incredible. Apparently you


can't looked Japanese people in the eye for too long because it's


offensive, seriously. So many people would look at me for ten seconds too


long and it's uncomfortable. People who make eye contact, I like them, I


make eye contact but people who just do that, I will make eye contact and


then I'll look over there, but some people look at you while they're


talking to you. I find it uncomfortable. The expression, going


like that, "I get that, yeah." He hasn't done his homework. He should


have watched karate kid before he shook hands, know what I mean? What


happens when he meets India's by Minister? From Hollywood, isn't it.


-- Prime Minister. The South Africans. Mugabe. Him. Don't shake


his hand. You know my biggest worry is when he meets the Queen. I'm sure


that if he doesn't... I'm afraid that he might get hold of it and


give it a big kiss. Instead of, nice to meet you. That's one of the big


worries. You're not allowed to touch, are you? Not even to put her


hand -- your hand on her back. I imagine him, it would be marvellous!


VOICEOVER The NHS once again dominated the


headlines this week. NEWSREADER Record numbers of patients spent


more than four hours in accident and emergency units in England in


January. It's a joke. VOICEOVER The mirror use a stark black and


white image to illustrate that funding for the service was no


better than it was 60 years ago. A lot of them laying on trolleys in


the corridor. NEWSREADER Jeremy Hunt has acknowledged that


the NHS is facing what he called completely unacceptable problems.


He's acknowledging what's going on. We know is not accessible, we want


to know what he will do. In an exclusive interview with the BBC, Mr


Hunt said that the government has a plan but it will take time to


deliver. It's just a shame that they're running it down. Too many


people coming in. Yeah. And not enough money.


It's much better for him to say we acknowledge the terrible things,


rather than just to go and say everything is all right. Isn't it?


Sometimes, problems cannot be cured. What cannot be cured must be


insured. Who said that? I did. -- must be endured it's not him that


delivering it. It's the chief operating officer of the NHS that is


not delivering it. You're missing the point. If the NHS isn't working


it's his fault because he is the secretary of state, he is the most


senior person. You can't blame the chief executive. He can blame the


chief executive that we can't. People are living longer, people


come from abroad. Not enough money. The NHS is being squeezed from all


sides. It's on the verge of collapse. It's not on the verge of


collapse, Frank, it has collapsed. What's the answer? The answer is, I


don't know. They are saying to raise the more money for the NHS and 1p to


everybody's tax. It will raise ?1.5 billion. Do you know how money we


raise last year on the NHS? ?116 billion on the NHS. If it's not


working with 116 billion, there's something going seriously wrong.


Until we've been doctors and nurses, we won't know how hard it is. No,


that's right. Do you know what I was saying? I don't think taking the


money off us isn't the way it works. But it is. You've had a lot of


experience with the birth of your children. I was there. Yes. When all


the mess and nastiness was going on? Yes. Did you find at all? No. I kept


on looking at the election results. You looked at the election results?


"Excuse Media, could you hang on a moment, what to see whether Bedford


west has gone to Labour?" LAUGHTER Look at the time I got Lauren to the


hospital and I got stuck in the lift with Lauren and Corey. And Eleanor


when she was in her pushchair. Yeah. Four hours in a lift with two...


Kids, a baby... Four hours playing I Spy in a lift! When you came out,


were you treated for stress? No. But they were good to me, Mick, they


gave me a chair for stop and remember when I was admitted to


hospital. He got a proper English breakfast. Proper, you know, bacon,


sausage, beans, the lot, brought to you. By the time I had my second


child... LAUGHTER Which was 22 years ago, you had to


get up and make yourself some toast. When it's working properly, Frank,


the NHS is unbeatable. Second to none. Without a shadow of a doubt. I


would rather be in this country than someone else in another country at


the end of the day. Yeah. Even with it being as bad as it is. I thought


you played the fifth very well, the best you played. You got your par on


that hole. Yeah, wanted a birdie but got a squirrel. Stan and Billy had


been friends for 60 years and they meet up twice a week for a round of


golf. I tell you, if it as cold as this, stand, I won't be playing for


a while. We'll tell the Mrs that were going to play golf. And we will


go on the pale! Go on the pale! The 59th annual Grammy awards took


place in LA this week and for one of our own it was an eventful evening.


NEWSREADER: Adele made history to become the first person to win the


top three awards twice. For the second year in a row she had


performance problems. I know it's live TV, I'm sorry, I need to start


again. I meet to start again. I'm sorry for swearing, please start it


again. She fluffed it and killed it at the same time. She slowed it


down. Slowing down fast enough. Slow love. NEWSREADER: She was the


night's big winner but Adele looked far from comfortable at that and


dedicated album of the year to Beyonce. I can't possibly accept


this award. My artist of my life is Beyonce. This album, for me, the


Lemonade album was just so monumental. "My Artist of my life".


Sorry, I shouldn't be taking the Mickey. Not really. I don't like


Beyonce, I think the music is shite. What is this Lemonade? I haven't


heard it. Next thing you know, once you've had those twins, they will be


performing together. The twins? I don't know anyone who would be big


enough apart from Adele to go, "Hold on, let's just start again." There


is an instinct of me to say, like, it was just genuine. But there is


part of me that says, you know what, I think she's just testing


boundaries. She's at the peak, who would even bat an eyelid? She's at


that level where she can say, I know I'm live, but I wasn't happy. Let's


do it again, put in a C minor, go from the top. She was in the wrong


key. Was that a George Michael song? No, she wasn't fecking... Singing in


June. Her speech was funny, though. What artist do you know? Or do you


ever see it going, listen, guys, I don't deserve this. It's very rare


will stop very rare. They are meant to be competing with


each other for this award. You're saying she's been modest? It's


either that or Kanye West feedback is loitering about. I tell you what,


it was a bit funny for me. -- Kanye loitering about. It went straight


from Adele to Beyonce and Beyonce already had tears in her eyes.


Emotion doesn't kick in that quick. It is too two great artists. -- it


is two great. It was to cringey for me. It gave me goose bumps. Adele is


great on her own. She's brilliant. The only thing that lets her down is


when she talks. She could fecking talk the way she sings, she would be


fantastic. I just think she went a bit too far when she yanked the top


of the trophy off and passed it to her. I think it's bad taste. I don't


think its lands right. How many did you put down at once? I've got five


left. You must have been knocking. No. You are a cheater. Have half of


this domino. I won that you can have half of this domino! -- but you can.


Did you get anything done today? You must be joking, is the bane of my


life. I've got every Tom, Dick and Harry parking in my street.


VOICEOVER: Noreen wakes up at 4am everyday to open up the family


newsagent in Edinburgh. I'll have to get that spray paint, that black


spray paint and just paint over it and say, I'm sorry, I didn't...


There's no yellow lines in my street. How will you do that? If


there is no yellow line, they can't do anything. You can't just spray


the floor! I'll do it at night. What are you looking at? David Davis and


these texts. Cheers. That was nice of you getting that in, Goodlad.


Exit Minister David Davis was at the centre of a sexism row this week.


David Davis texting about Diane Abbott. VOICEOVER: The mail on


Sunday exclusively reported that leaked texts between a minister and


a Tory associates discussed how Davis did not hug Diane Abbott


because he "Wasn't blind". Politicians and banter. No, no, no.


In the paper and online they showed a convincing mock-up of the


messages. I can't believe he made an attempt to give DA a hug. Didn't. I


whispered in her ear, thanks for your vote, hence the "F" off. I'm


not blind. Slightly offensive, David. Slightly offensive. Dead


arrogant, isn't he? It would be a good optical express advert... Yes,


a reasonable success. The sooner rather means Specsavers, to start


with. I would have loved to have been in that Commons bar. When it's


all kicked off. She's effing and blinding. She was, big time. All he


did was go up to her and said, thanks for the vote. You would have


been ranging, wouldn't you? Boiling! -- raging. He said in his text it


would make a good advert for optical express. Who is optical express?


What he is saying is she's ugly and he needs glasses. Exactly. He ought


to be ashamed of himself. Who is optical express? I've never heard of


them. Where does that come from? You meant to say Specsavers, didn't he?


That shows you what these politicians are like, Frank, they


ain't got a clue what they are saying. They don't know what they


are talking about and they don't know what they are saying, Frank.


Who does he think he is? Talking about her looks? He must think he's


Erroll Flynn! The thought that he could do that to


a woman and a colleague at that. Someone who is well respected and


has been in Parliament. Long. You have the cheek at the audacity to


make those comments? -- been in Parliament so long. It's so out of


order. She's a bit sensitive because she's been under the weather, she


had that migraine! But you have to believe her, that's what she's


saying, you have to believe her. You could tell these guys are old.


Because they put exclamation marks. That is too harsh.


They missed the a out. Just old texting, this is. It all new to me,


these emojis. Sending a happy face and a lump of shite at the end of a


sentence. She is rising above it, I hope. She


ought to demand something out of it. How has he got time to go for a bevy


when he's supposed to be negotiating Brexit? How has he got all this


time? It shouldn't be in the bar, he should be focusing. It's been an


important week. Who is better looking? George Clooney or Mac Brad


Pitt? George Clooney. George Clooney. Silver Fox. Will Smith or


Jamie Foxx? Clint Eastwood or Morgan Freeman? I don't know what Clint


Eastwood looks like. Think about this one. Me or him? LAUGHTER


VOICEOVER: This week, the papers revealed some playful looking


pictures of a relaxed looking Barack Obama, freed from high office. He is


having a good time, isn't he? He's having the time of his life. He has


been enjoying some downtime, kite surfing with Richard Branson. You


see the headline here? Branson accused of publicity stunt over


Obama trip. Surely Richard Branson would never do anything publicity!


He was never sink so low. Absolutely not. No, what an outrageous calumny


that is. Did you see how the two of them were


play fighting? Like he's choking Obama and Obama is... Good friends.


He looks so relaxed. Looked good, didn't he, Obama? Really good. Yeah.


Nice looking fella, isn't he? He has a nice, masculine figure, hasn't he?


Yeah. I can't get my head around how this relationship between Richard


Branson and Barack Obama has come into fruition? On this beautiful


island they've managed to get the two people I'd most detested in all


the world. I really, really detest both of them. They are so


self-satisfied and anxious and ghastly. It is not very presidential


is it? He's not a president any more, he's a human, he's not been


able to... The Secret Service stopped hindering his favourite


activities. Do you think they play Tiddlywinks? -- stopped him doing


his favourite. Dominoes? Well... Do you know... If we went... If he


asked me to go on this trip with him, I would leave you behind. I


would, fecking Tiddlywinks and dominoes! We do that anyway.


Tiddlywinks! It would come bit of a shock when Richard gave him the bill


at the end. That would be good, wouldn't it? Wouldn't you like to


see his face? I'm off, now Richard, "O, just a moment, it's just the


bill". That's it. We just need your American Express card for a moment.


Everyone that has been relevant wants to stay relevant. This is how


he stays relevant, hanging out with a billionaire in a secluded


privately owned island. I think you're wrong. I think to Barack it


was genuinely a holiday. Why did they take photos? That was Branson.


To Branson, he wants to stay relevant because he wants to earn


more money. Before you know it, we will have Barack Obama on the side


of the virgin East Coast Trains. Hanging off a train? Yeah. Virgin, a


face you can believe in. # I knew you were trouble


when you walked in # Now I'm lying


on the cold, hard ground


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