Episode 8 Election Spy

This programme contains some strong language.

Shame they didn't go with Corbyn in the suicide vest. If we win this, we

must learn lessons. We've got to invest in the NHS, social care, new

treatment, early diagnosis, stem cell research, transplants. To win

back the centre vote? No, to keep old people alive. Our support is

dying out, literally. I think now that campaigning is over, we could

allow ourselves a little drink. Our third bottle of gin this week. A

toast to what Paul Nuttall calls Ukip 2.0. About the percentage of

votes we will get. And when Jeremy ended

with that quote... Why does he sound like he's

talking to tourists at Ye Oldie Medieval Banquet

Experience? Well, at least we've got the votes

of the English Lit students. So, ideally, votes wise,

we want many of the many. But if we don't get many

of the many, we might be OK with a few of the many,

as long as they don't Absolutely. One of our strengths is

that we can say the unsayable. But some things are unsayable because

they are illegal. Yes, in the sense that they are against the law. Yes,

even if she is a. -- Green. Comey and Trump have called each

other liars. Who to believe? Tough. Ed Balls and Osborne as election

analysts! For the last time, she is not a foreigner telling us how to

run our lives. She is Laura Kuenssberg. Two clippings, one about

him, one about his spaniel. I will guess which one is bigger. I am

going to have to start a new folder. We might have done better with the

spaniel as leader. Boris looked like a leader today, and if he thought of

running after the election, I would be right behind him. JK Rowling is

retweeting someone who is Lib Dem. Harry Potter and the deathly

silence. At least that is one vote. Tim is voting. Two votes, unless he

is voting to one vote. I'm ringing to ask you

to vote Labour and... You know she's going to take your

house away if you get ill. Well, I'm sure they give

a shit about you. Oh, you're watching

Game Of Thrones and... If Amber did feel like a tilt at the

leadership, I would be behind her. I am not looking forward to tonight. I

seem to have spent hours of my life waiting for the Sunderland result.

Why do they bother being first? It is not like tourists flock to the

Sunderland ballot counting museum. Is it just to give the unemployed

something to do every five years? It might be a hung parliament, we could

be kingmakers. What a choice, Kelly or nearer? If it was, we would

probably have another election. Another election! We have got this

in the bike. More tweets than the Tories, 43 to 35%. So we are talking

to ourselves more than they are? That's right. Don't you think we are

going to win? I can't answer that in an open setting. I am behind Theresa

so if you can tell her. Oh, you can't find her either. Yes, a lot of

Ukip voters can't walk. You can get more than four crumbly ease into

your taxi. You've got a roof frack. There is no law against people with

dementia voting. At her into the polling booth.