Episode 1 Frankie Boyle's New World Order


Episode 1

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Episode 1. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.

:00:00.:00:13.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Frankie Boyle!

:00:14.:00:27.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Hello and welcome to this

:00:28.:00:34.

election night New World Order Special. I should say that the polls

:00:35.:00:38.

haven't closed at the point of filming. We haven't seen an exit

:00:39.:00:43.

poll. We don't know what's going to happen but I suspect the Tories are

:00:44.:00:47.

going to win... It's been such a long election campaign, I don't

:00:48.:00:53.

think that they should show election night coverage but Die Hard on each

:00:54.:00:58.

Channel. Show Die Hard and dub over the occasional surprising result.

:00:59.:01:05.

John McLean, Labour have lost Norwich South. It's been a chaotic

:01:06.:01:11.

election for the Conservative Parties. Starting with the NHS

:01:12.:01:19.

computer system going down but the good news is, I'm HIV negative

:01:20.:01:28.

again, ladies. The Tory manifesto with some incredibly unpopular

:01:29.:01:32.

policies, if you get dementia, you could lose your house. That is the

:01:33.:01:41.

most terrible policy. For pensioners it's like putting VAT on racism. And

:01:42.:01:48.

pensioners won't aqueous into a Conservative Government, they will

:01:49.:01:53.

vote for it. These people will crawl along the pavement to vote

:01:54.:01:58.

themselves out of their own house! Theresa May has looked incredibly

:01:59.:02:05.

uncomfortable. She always looks like she is about to cough up a pellet

:02:06.:02:13.

but rest assured no matter how uncomfortable in the election, the

:02:14.:02:18.

victory parade will be like Mad Max Fury Road. Jeremy Corbyn has not

:02:19.:02:22.

done so well in Scotland. Scottish people don't trust anyone who looks

:02:23.:02:28.

old but still has teeth! I think it's going to be sad watching Corbyn

:02:29.:02:34.

getting beaten, not like watching Ed Miliband lose. More like watching

:02:35.:02:41.

Aslan dying in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The perfect result

:02:42.:02:47.

for me is if Jeremy Corbyn get enough seats to fill in the election

:02:48.:02:53.

and then Sinn Fein have to take those seats. You may not think I

:02:54.:02:58.

don't have enough votes to pass the Budget but, ladies and gentlemen,

:02:59.:03:03.

the IRA! The Queen's speech is written by the IRA and she has to

:03:04.:03:10.

deliver it through a balaclava! Ukip have tried to reposition themselves.

:03:11.:03:15.

They got what they wanted. They got out of the EU. Nobody cares about

:03:16.:03:21.

the other positions. Like hearing Isis' position on wheelie bins. Ukip

:03:22.:03:27.

are worried about low skilled migrant workers, they don't want low

:03:28.:03:32.

skilled migrants coming to Britain. Wait until after Brexit, the British

:03:33.:03:35.

people living in Europe who is to come back here. Wait until you see

:03:36.:03:42.

what they are bringing to the table! My skills include being able to ask

:03:43.:03:46.

for the bill in Spanish. And armed robbery! Tim Farron's a trendy vicar

:03:47.:03:56.

character, isn't he? OK, everybody let's meet at the youth club

:03:57.:04:00.

tomorrow, we're having a workshop on how to act normal around gays.

:04:01.:04:09.

Tim Farron said he didn't think gay sex was a sin. He had to say that,

:04:10.:04:13.

he was being asked about it every day. It was getting to the stage

:04:14.:04:19.

when he was to be asked about specific acts of gay sex: The Daily

:04:20.:04:26.

Express, Mr Farron, what are your views on rimming? Felching, farron?

:04:27.:04:35.

The public want answers! OK! Let's get on with the show! So, here's how

:04:36.:04:45.

the show works, I give an opinion about the news, we decide if I'm

:04:46.:04:53.

right or wrong. Joining me to discuss the issues, please welcome,

:04:54.:05:12.

Sara Pascoe and Miles -- good to see you both. Enjoying the election? I

:05:13.:05:20.

feel sick. My granddad died last week, so I had to spend time with my

:05:21.:05:29.

family... What is awful, it was that an old person would die, you said

:05:30.:05:35.

they had good innings, and when a younger person died it is sadder.

:05:36.:05:39.

Now when an older person dies it is worse as they don't see the Brexit

:05:40.:05:44.

they wanted so desperately. Miles, is this the last moment of

:05:45.:05:51.

hope? This election or this?! What we're doing now?! This moment in the

:05:52.:05:56.

show! I think it could be. Labour Party supporters have been swept

:05:57.:06:00.

along by optimism in the last two weeks. If it doesn't go their way,

:06:01.:06:06.

there will be heartbreak, I suppose. Whereas if the Conservatives win

:06:07.:06:11.

they will be gleeful and they will not have costed it but smashing hope

:06:12.:06:15.

is one of their manifesto policies. So either way, that will happen.

:06:16.:06:22.

OK! So I'll make two propositions based on the election, first, the

:06:23.:06:27.

political system hates us. Joining us to discuss all of this please

:06:28.:06:33.

welcome playwright, Lucy Prebble. Lucy, you look like you might have

:06:34.:06:50.

hope. Do you still have hope? Oh, no. No. I'm suffering from

:06:51.:06:59.

democratic fatigue. The democracy is making he understand the rise of

:07:00.:07:05.

fascism, a little. If we are to have right-wing authoritarians in charge,

:07:06.:07:09.

I would rather it imposed on us a bit, rather than knowing that

:07:10.:07:14.

everyone had voted for it. For the old people that voted in the

:07:15.:07:17.

election, this is the last opportunity to vote. For the young

:07:18.:07:20.

who voted this will be the last opportunity to vote.

:07:21.:07:27.

Politics is a sort of class warfare. The political class engaged in arms

:07:28.:07:35.

deals, profit yearing and corruption, against the public that

:07:36.:07:43.

are not able to understand this. And Theresa May, the first in

:07:44.:07:46.

history not to get the trains to run on time. She is an authoritarian at

:07:47.:07:52.

heart. This is the key. Why she wants rid of the human rights

:07:53.:07:57.

legislation, why she wants in the surveillance bill. That is the key

:07:58.:08:05.

to her permanently appalled expression, like she has just seen

:08:06.:08:10.

my internet history. So the election focussed on the leaders rather than

:08:11.:08:15.

the parties. Theresa May became an MP in 1997 a few weeks after the

:08:16.:08:19.

death by shooting of the notorious BIG. Some comfort to the family of

:08:20.:08:25.

Biggie that he never knew that Theresa May existed.

:08:26.:08:34.

Throughout the campaign, Theresa May managed her terrible public image,

:08:35.:08:38.

here she is stumbling and buying time whilst thinking of an answer

:08:39.:08:42.

that will do her career the last amount of damage.

:08:43.:08:47.

What's the naughtest thing you ever did Goodness me. Gosh, do you know

:08:48.:08:52.

I'm not quite sure. There must have been a moment. Well,

:08:53.:08:59.

nobody is perfectly behaved. I have to confess, when me and my friends

:09:00.:09:04.

used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren't too

:09:05.:09:10.

pleased about that! If you are going to answer that question, just say

:09:11.:09:14.

the real worst thing you've ever done. I killed a tramp with hammer!

:09:15.:09:23.

What of it?! I think that is what is so great about asking that question.

:09:24.:09:30.

A normal person would say that they cheated at Monopoly, she is think

:09:31.:09:37.

being how she wants to ban human rights, or selling arms to the

:09:38.:09:42.

Saudis, I know, I will talk about Peter Rabbit.

:09:43.:09:46.

I think she is trying to conjure up an idea of Britain from the past

:09:47.:09:50.

that is rural, idyllic. That is what it is about.

:09:51.:09:54.

She feels empathy but only for the wheat.

:09:55.:10:00.

She loves repeating little phrases, strong and stable and the other one

:10:01.:10:04.

is the coalition of chaos that came up in the debate. You think, OK, so

:10:05.:10:09.

she's saying if you elect anyone else there will be a coalition of

:10:10.:10:14.

chaos. It sounds amazing. Like a Marvel film you want to see. That

:10:15.:10:20.

sort of thing, most people engage with politics for a brief way,

:10:21.:10:26.

myself included, so those phrases work well. Winston Churchill used to

:10:27.:10:30.

say, we will fight them on the beaches but once it made sense.

:10:31.:10:39.

All the other times, shall we give back the Elgin Marbles... We'll

:10:40.:10:45.

fight them on the beeches! Some of the dreams that Martin Luther King

:10:46.:10:51.

have told were disgusting. My father was naked and riding on

:10:52.:10:57.

the back of a lab door. She panics halfway through a sentence. She is

:10:58.:11:01.

not good suppressing what she thinks. You can see the fear in her

:11:02.:11:07.

eyes or sometimes thinking that the correct thing to do when being

:11:08.:11:11.

criticised is to laugh. And then see has one of these things, so, strong

:11:12.:11:17.

and stable... Coalition of chaos or us?! A bunch of BAssards?! Many

:11:18.:11:25.

politicians found themselves hounded by the same question over and over

:11:26.:11:32.

again, here is Jeremy Corbyn refusing to answer an incredibly

:11:33.:11:36.

persistent audience. Would you allow North Korea or some

:11:37.:11:41.

idiot in Iran to bomb us and then say, oh, we better start talking.

:11:42.:11:47.

You would be too late. Of course not. Of course I would not do that.

:11:48.:11:55.

. You would allow them to do it? Of course not. That is why I made the

:11:56.:12:00.

point a short time ago about the need for President Obama's agreement

:12:01.:12:04.

with Iran to be upheld it is important, actually. And also to

:12:05.:12:10.

promote disarmament in North Korea. That is difficult I appreciate.

:12:11.:12:17.

Impossible. Impossible. You up there? You are asking a

:12:18.:12:23.

massive wish with one of the biggest Arsenals by your side. I would

:12:24.:12:33.

rather have it and not use it in today's age? You want to comment on

:12:34.:12:43.

that? No. It was a frustrating show, that. The

:12:44.:12:49.

people of York were obsessed with having an nuclear exchange with

:12:50.:12:52.

Iran, which does not have nuclear weapons. I was proud of him for

:12:53.:12:58.

sticking to his guns but he could have gone, I would use Trident and

:12:59.:13:05.

then just winked. And when they said did you wink there, he would have

:13:06.:13:12.

gone, "no". Of course not! I have sympathy for the men in that

:13:13.:13:16.

audience who key. With Jeremy Corbyn, he does want you to know

:13:17.:13:21.

that he has such integrity. I do think that is the problem with him.

:13:22.:13:27.

That people think he is putting his sense of integrity above national

:13:28.:13:32.

security. He could just lie. Or we could go, we don't know. Anything

:13:33.:13:37.

could happen. Aliens come, we have to fire it into space, so he doesn't

:13:38.:13:42.

know but he wants to impose his morality.

:13:43.:13:45.

I think they should keep Trident but not output date it. What is more

:13:46.:13:52.

threatening than a rusty nuke? This is not a session guided thing, we

:13:53.:13:57.

have pulled this from the shed. It may go off at face height. It's a

:13:58.:14:02.

bank holiday and we've been drinking! But the British people are

:14:03.:14:09.

obsessed with this. If you remember one of the first things Theresa May

:14:10.:14:13.

did as a Prime Minister, she stood up in the House of Commons and said

:14:14.:14:18.

that thing that she was prepared to kill 100,000 men, women and children

:14:19.:14:23.

if need's be. Maybe the question was about school lunches... She was

:14:24.:14:29.

trying to get sponsored for Comic Relief! Whatever you think about the

:14:30.:14:33.

Lib Dem leader, Tim Farron, you cannot say he did not embrace the

:14:34.:14:40.

election foow a even when desperate or awed. Let's look at the

:14:41.:14:45.

highlights. Drifting along aimlessly, not making

:14:46.:14:52.

impression on the ground... On a bus powered by shame... He has a key

:14:53.:14:59.

skill for a top politicians, to be able to bake tarts... We are getting

:15:00.:15:04.

you to do speed chess and answer the questions? Not well.

:15:05.:15:10.

No-one will judge you on that! Is this about Brexit? Look at that.

:15:11.:15:18.

Oh, you are check mate! I'm good at pop quizzes!

:15:19.:15:23.

APPLAUSE The lady on the buses in a rear

:15:24.:15:34.

facing seat. I'd no idea where where going! All I can see is the chaos

:15:35.:15:42.

and havoc we leave behind. He doesn't seem like he wants to win

:15:43.:15:45.

the election, he seems like he wants to get all of his Cub Scout badges.

:15:46.:15:52.

Grafting, the badge for saying gay sex is a sin, saying it isn't a

:15:53.:15:59.

thin. All of the badges. Like the Duke of Edinburgh award. It's

:16:00.:16:02.

probably why the Duke of Edinburgh retired, so he didn't have to meet

:16:03.:16:13.

the locker. Here's some unrelenting footage of Jeremy Hunt on a hospital

:16:14.:16:16.

visit. reporter-macro: How does it feel,

:16:17.:16:20.

all of those people dying because of your actions? You are closing our

:16:21.:16:24.

hospital. How have you got the cheek to come here, when you are closing

:16:25.:16:31.

our hospital? I think the names they call you are right, Mr Hunt. The

:16:32.:16:39.

name is clearly this spells. -- misspelled. Let's hope you never

:16:40.:16:47.

need an A, Mr Hunt. Any other person in the world, I'd help with

:16:48.:16:49.

that. APPLAUSE

:16:50.:16:57.

I'd like to think that was the voice of his conscience. He was in

:16:58.:17:07.

hospital, having it removed. He was pretending to be normal, that thing

:17:08.:17:10.

off like, you just keep chatting and you try and keep that demean up, but

:17:11.:17:14.

then I thought maybe he just thinks that's what the world is like, maybe

:17:15.:17:18.

he thinks that everywhere, a bit like wherever the Queen goes she

:17:19.:17:23.

thinks it smells of fresh paint, baby Jeremy Hunt thinks everyone in

:17:24.:17:28.

the world walks around saying, Cuenca. This new thing people are

:17:29.:17:38.

saying, resign, ... I think it's the last election campaign whether

:17:39.:17:40.

politicians will even go and campaign. I think it will be like

:17:41.:17:44.

digital avatars in the next election. They'll send a digital

:17:45.:17:49.

avatar around the country and dub over the occasional local reference.

:17:50.:17:52.

It's a pleasure to be here in Doncaster. I sympathise with your

:17:53.:17:58.

local concerns about unemployment. I enjoy your local cuisine of pie and

:17:59.:18:10.

chips. And methadone. OK, so in conclusion, the political system may

:18:11.:18:14.

hate is more than we hate it, but let's look on the bright side. We

:18:15.:18:18.

need to take a moment to forget politics, look into our partner's

:18:19.:18:21.

eyes and take solace, take solace from the fact that the daily bases

:18:22.:18:25.

we managed to suppress the hate we have for the person we have two

:18:26.:18:30.

spent the rest of our lives with. We hate the way they laughed, the way

:18:31.:18:33.

they blink, the way they eat, the way they sleep, the way they breeze,

:18:34.:18:38.

the way they exist. And if we can live with that hate, day in, day

:18:39.:18:42.

out, how hard can it be to stifle the hate we have for our political

:18:43.:18:47.

system. So, chin up, everybody. Thanks to Lucy Prebble.

:18:48.:18:58.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK come the next proposition. The

:18:59.:19:05.

media is a huge obstacle to meaningful democracy. Joining us to

:19:06.:19:10.

discuss this, please welcome Mr Nish Kumar.

:19:11.:19:13.

APPLAUSE How are you doing, Nish? Have you

:19:14.:19:31.

been following this election? I'm having the best time of my life,

:19:32.:19:36.

Frankie. I love elections. I hope we have one every year, which I think

:19:37.:19:41.

we will. This is what we do at this time of year, indirect, Brexit,

:19:42.:19:45.

election, indirect and the Temple of doom. It will keep on rolling. I

:19:46.:19:50.

like your positivity, mass Rob -- Nish. Yes, I'm here to be a ray of

:19:51.:19:59.

sunshine, democracy! Elections are an exchange of rhetorical artillery

:20:00.:20:02.

and the lack of engagement from voters is something the media is

:20:03.:20:06.

implicit in. Theresa May can be interviewed by Paxman in the week of

:20:07.:20:11.

the Manchester on and not be asked about how he got to Libya, while she

:20:12.:20:16.

was Home Secretary. Instead, we got questions about bombs and Yemen. The

:20:17.:20:21.

media is complicit about the whole thing, from cropping shots to

:20:22.:20:26.

printing coverage which is sometimes little more than a party press

:20:27.:20:28.

release. This is what we've been talking about the whole kind of

:20:29.:20:34.

catchphrase nature of the election. Saying strong and stable all the

:20:35.:20:37.

time isn't a strong and stable thing to do. If someone just had the words

:20:38.:20:44.

strong and stable as their tinder bio, that someone who is teetering

:20:45.:20:48.

on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That's someone who will hide a rifle

:20:49.:20:56.

in a stationary cupboard and face a disciplinary at work. That somebody

:20:57.:21:01.

who's dropped back carpets fat cash converter, because they need money

:21:02.:21:05.

to buy heroin for their dog. As they are cooking up shot for the baffled

:21:06.:21:12.

labrador, they see their own face reflected in the spoon and it's

:21:13.:21:17.

mouthing the words, strong and stable. With the support of the

:21:18.:21:21.

entire media, how could Theresa May have lost this election? Theresa May

:21:22.:21:27.

could have taken a shit on the Cenotaph through a wreath of poppies

:21:28.:21:31.

and then dragged her arse like a dog with worms down the length of Pall

:21:32.:21:36.

mall and the worst that could have happened is she'd have to form a

:21:37.:21:37.

coalition. LAUGHTER

:21:38.:21:44.

Nish, do you find this? The campaign coverage, I find it very false and

:21:45.:21:48.

stultifying. Yes, it feels like more than ever the media has not... It's

:21:49.:21:53.

been very passive, it's been observing the process rather than

:21:54.:21:57.

interrogating, and then we have this kind of spectacle of these debates

:21:58.:22:00.

that weren't really debates, because they weren't in the same room, and

:22:01.:22:04.

it was quite a hollow experience. It's a bit like watching a porn

:22:05.:22:08.

movie where instead of Tube people having sex, they just stand in

:22:09.:22:15.

separate rooms and masturbate consecutively. At the end I've still

:22:16.:22:17.

got an erection but nothing has really been saltier. It's like you

:22:18.:22:27.

need to come convey more convexity, you have messages like coalition of

:22:28.:22:30.

chaos, strong and stable, and it's not as simple as that and give

:22:31.:22:34.

people a more informed view, but the minute you do that you are in a

:22:35.:22:38.

medium where it's impossible to go, well, it's more sophisticated than

:22:39.:22:41.

that because you have it to cut straight to the next one. I don't

:22:42.:22:45.

think people want that much information. Most people just want

:22:46.:22:50.

to grab a couple of things and talk about them angrily after a large

:22:51.:22:54.

white wine. Everyone in my family is Tory. The reasons are interesting.

:22:55.:22:59.

My sister, I said to her about the cuts on things that are happening,

:23:00.:23:03.

in terms of the rape crisis centres that don't have funding anymore,

:23:04.:23:07.

women's refuges don't have funding, and she said actually 75% of the

:23:08.:23:11.

women in those refugees are pretending their boyfriends are

:23:12.:23:14.

hitting them so they have a second place to live. That is what happens

:23:15.:23:18.

if you don't fund education. She's a teacher!

:23:19.:23:23.

LAUGHTER Who's having a second home in a rape

:23:24.:23:36.

shelter? Maybe it's near a beach. During the campaign the media

:23:37.:23:44.

accidentally gave an insight into its true priorities. Take a look at

:23:45.:23:49.

Nicola Sturgeon being interviewed by Sky News. Whilst you can blame the

:23:50.:23:53.

Conservatives, why not raise taxation of the most rich? As you

:23:54.:23:56.

just indicated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, we have to interrupt,

:23:57.:23:59.

Theresa May has started speaking. Perhaps you can hang on for us and

:24:00.:24:04.

we can get your reaction. I'm taking nothing for granted. I'm going to be

:24:05.:24:06.

continuing to campaign across the whole of the country.

:24:07.:24:12.

APPLAUSE That's the whole media thing for me,

:24:13.:24:19.

it's all about symbolism. He's gone from an actual conversation took a

:24:20.:24:24.

symbolic event, where Theresa May has stood outside a bus. There's

:24:25.:24:28.

nobody even there, so this just photographers. They are in a lay-by

:24:29.:24:33.

somewhere. She's shouting nothing into a hedge and you've cut away to

:24:34.:24:41.

do it. You can watch what happens at the end of the shot. They could

:24:42.:24:45.

easily lead in a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn, she said was a

:24:46.:24:50.

real possibility. They must take anything for granted. She urged

:24:51.:24:55.

people to vote for her and her team, and a vote for her and her team is a

:24:56.:24:59.

vote for economic security. I wish they'd carried on filming, behind

:25:00.:25:06.

the bus was a wheat field. Happy as Larry. The peak of Cosa Nostra

:25:07.:25:10.

between politicians in the campaign was this embarrassing appearance by

:25:11.:25:16.

Theresa May and Philip on the one show. When you've experienced so

:25:17.:25:19.

much of each other's lives, you were when you were young, you must feel

:25:20.:25:25.

like you are almost one, as opposed individuals? Yes, I suppose... We

:25:26.:25:30.

are still individuals, we know each other really well. It's sort of like

:25:31.:25:35.

they don't understand normal conversations. When he goes, it's

:25:36.:25:40.

sort of like you are one person, it's like, how does the human know?

:25:41.:25:46.

I like the way they chorus, we are individuals. He's an electoral

:25:47.:25:50.

asset. You know when you see a baby bird that's fallen out of the nest,

:25:51.:25:56.

you need to stamp on it before a cat gets it?

:25:57.:25:57.

LAUGHTER You don't have to! I didn't hate

:25:58.:26:03.

them in this interview, but I did hate the stuff about the boy jobs

:26:04.:26:07.

and girl jobs, the idea that a woman can't take the bins out and as a

:26:08.:26:12.

woman who lives alone in a house full of rubbish... Will someone come

:26:13.:26:18.

and take my bins out? The thing is, the one show, that's the format of

:26:19.:26:22.

it but it was more of a problem that certain newspapers and places you

:26:23.:26:26.

expect some actual analysis to happen had such a unquestioning view

:26:27.:26:29.

of Theresa May. The Daily Mail described her as like finally a

:26:30.:26:32.

Prime Minister who will be honest, but she lied about the fact there

:26:33.:26:38.

was going to be an election and she campaigned for Remain and now she's

:26:39.:26:42.

pushing for a Brexit so aggressive that Pret a Manger will have to

:26:43.:26:48.

change its name to Lunch, in it? Of all the things you could praise her

:26:49.:26:52.

for, honesty is baffling. Most of that interview is them talking about

:26:53.:26:56.

going for a walking holiday in Snowdonia. I think possibly they go

:26:57.:27:01.

there because she mates with a tethered dragon. It's at the top of

:27:02.:27:09.

Snowdonia. Suddenly needs to say it. Maybe when you see her uncomfortable

:27:10.:27:13.

in interviews, someone is attacking the dragon. Her soul is in the

:27:14.:27:18.

Dragon and she's trying... Or run through fields of wheat, but really,

:27:19.:27:23.

she's thinking, save the Dragon. I'd love it if you'd been in the

:27:24.:27:27.

audience for one of the leader's debate, they'd be like, this is all

:27:28.:27:30.

very well, what's happening with the Dragon? In North Korea, attacked by

:27:31.:27:37.

a dragon... What would you do then, Mr Corbyn? Would you protect our

:27:38.:27:46.

Dragon? Anyway, it's important candidates catch voters' attention.

:27:47.:27:50.

Here's one Conservative candidate's creative method of getting there

:27:51.:27:54.

across with a shifting gear towards the end. -- getting their message

:27:55.:28:00.

across. hello, I'm the Conservative candidate in East Yorkshire. There's

:28:01.:28:03.

a general election on the 8th of June and I hope if you live in East

:28:04.:28:08.

Yorkshire that you will vote for me. When you vote in an election, you

:28:09.:28:12.

are doing two things. You are choosing who is your local

:28:13.:28:15.

representatives, but you are also choosing a Prime Minister. I hope

:28:16.:28:20.

you vote for me and support Theresa May. We want a strong and stable

:28:21.:28:26.

government, not a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn. # you get

:28:27.:28:34.

accountability with Conservative delivery

:28:35.:28:38.

# Make sure this time you get it right

:28:39.:28:43.

# Vote for Greg Knight #. APPLAUSE

:28:44.:28:52.

What were the words of the song? Was the first word, cutting disability?

:28:53.:28:56.

It's hard not to watch that and understand those mothers in the

:28:57.:29:01.

1950s who looked at Elvis and saw him as such a threat to their

:29:02.:29:05.

daughters. That guy, he's just locking sex!

:29:06.:29:08.

LAUGHTER I think it's dangerous. I think what

:29:09.:29:14.

he's doing there is provocative and deliberately provocative. He could

:29:15.:29:18.

start and he'd be there but, oh, who's going to come in the office? I

:29:19.:29:22.

don't know who is going to be. It's Greg Knight, it's Greg Knight.

:29:23.:29:28.

That's a surprise. Other DHS made of that and sent to every young person

:29:29.:29:35.

in the constituency. The media are allowed to be properly difficult

:29:36.:29:39.

with major parties and far right wing nuts. Have a look when Ukip's

:29:40.:29:43.

Paul Nuttall said he was standing in a town he had no prior links to.

:29:44.:29:47.

We're going to do a little game to test how well you know the see

:29:48.:29:54.

you're going to stand in. Boston, or Lost in. Look at the picture on the

:29:55.:29:58.

screen and say whether it's a picture of Boston, or somewhere else

:29:59.:30:01.

in the country. Here's the first one. What do you reckon? Boston, or

:30:02.:30:04.

not? Boston. Is that correct? Sorry,

:30:05.:30:16.

that's Aylesbury town centre. What about the next one. Are you looking

:30:17.:30:21.

at Boston or another place in the country? I would say Boston.

:30:22.:30:29.

I'm sorry that's not Bostonment Hang on, Sophie... How about this one?

:30:30.:30:34.

That is Boston. That is Boston, correct! At least

:30:35.:30:47.

there is a critical appraisal of the leader of the UK Independence Party.

:30:48.:30:52.

If that was Farage it would have been a picture of you being a

:30:53.:30:58.

complete legend or a partial legend. They had a boner for him for years.

:30:59.:31:03.

Anyway, I have certain opinions about Ukip and they have certain

:31:04.:31:08.

opinions about me! The ideal would be if you did something relevant

:31:09.:31:15.

like Farage on there and deport, or not. And there may abtan but who

:31:16.:31:26.

cares! I will host that game show. There is an unnecessary item. If it

:31:27.:31:32.

was an item on town centres, that would be a different approach but it

:31:33.:31:37.

was just a waste of everyone's locking time.

:31:38.:31:43.

Media may be an obstacle to democracy but not an insurmountable

:31:44.:31:49.

one. I can promise you with will change, that your children will have

:31:50.:31:54.

a brighter future. I can promise you this as they are meaningless. Anyone

:31:55.:31:59.

can say promises, because the days of being held to account for a

:32:00.:32:04.

promise are over. This is now how it is going to be. I mean this, look at

:32:05.:32:11.

it, what a locking mess. Your children's futures are locked. But I

:32:12.:32:14.

promise you this, I do not care about you or your children's future,

:32:15.:32:21.

that is a promise you can believe. And that's the end of the show!

:32:22.:32:35.

Thanks to my guests, Sara Pascoe, Miles Jupp and Kumar. But before I

:32:36.:32:39.

go, I want to leave you with some words. Tonight in the style of Ukip

:32:40.:32:47.

leader, Paul Nuttall, in what I hope will be an uncannily accurate

:32:48.:32:50.

impression. Hi, Paul Nuttall from Ukip. To many

:32:51.:32:55.

of you I probably look like at some point in life have had to pull a

:32:56.:33:03.

dangerous dog off my mum... You've made an inat that point value

:33:04.:33:09.

judgment about me because my neck is the same width theth as my head and

:33:10.:33:16.

I look like I could give unsolice ted advice at the fruit machine.

:33:17.:33:21.

Most of the failed politicians from the election will end up with a

:33:22.:33:29.

directorship. Not me. In six weeks' time, I'll be breeding staffies and

:33:30.:33:35.

driving a coach. Of course people say I look like a male model,

:33:36.:33:41.

fronting a campaign, urging women not to leave their drinks

:33:42.:33:47.

unattended. And yet, my father was actually a

:33:48.:33:52.

south American magic realist novelist. It was a tricky upbringing

:33:53.:34:00.

in many ways. I'd ask him to go to a friend's birthday party and he would

:34:01.:34:05.

digress about a pirate who fell in love with a seal. Dad never stopped

:34:06.:34:13.

talking, other than at my bedtime story which he always read silently

:34:14.:34:19.

to himself. Of course, I rebelled. I created my own fantasy life to rival

:34:20.:34:25.

my father's, perhaps I wanted to stand for something simple. To stand

:34:26.:34:30.

up for the sort of people who put a big St George's flag in their garden

:34:31.:34:35.

during a football championship and never take it down. Until it gets so

:34:36.:34:41.

dirty from petrol fumes that it looks like they support Isis. When

:34:42.:34:46.

the general election was called, I called my father in excitement but

:34:47.:34:53.

he was subdued. Paul, he said, he had something to tell me. In his

:34:54.:34:58.

foreign accent. That I was not a real man but a character in a story

:34:59.:35:06.

he was writing. Conceived on ironic comedy on British masculinity.

:35:07.:35:14.

He said there was nothing more thoroughly British than going on

:35:15.:35:17.

holiday and come back with a damaged vagina.

:35:18.:35:26.

I started to worry that I was indeed simply some kind of racist

:35:27.:35:33.

Pinocchio. So am I real or not? Who knows? I have the strangest dreams

:35:34.:35:40.

sometimes. Sometimes, I dream I'm a teenager who's suffocating in a

:35:41.:35:47.

shipping container, I feel complete empathy, a oneness with the

:35:48.:35:51.

universe. I fight that feeling with everything I've got. I wake up and

:35:52.:35:58.

with a full English breakfast and some strong aftershave, I'll feel as

:35:59.:36:03.

real as I ever need to. Good night, everybody.

:36:04.:36:14.

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS