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This programme contains some strong language and adult humour. | :00:00. | :00:13. | |
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Frankie Boyle! | :00:14. | :00:27. | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Hello and welcome to this | :00:28. | :00:34. | |
election night New World Order Special. I should say that the polls | :00:35. | :00:38. | |
haven't closed at the point of filming. We haven't seen an exit | :00:39. | :00:43. | |
poll. We don't know what's going to happen but I suspect the Tories are | :00:44. | :00:47. | |
going to win... It's been such a long election campaign, I don't | :00:48. | :00:53. | |
think that they should show election night coverage but Die Hard on each | :00:54. | :00:58. | |
Channel. Show Die Hard and dub over the occasional surprising result. | :00:59. | :01:05. | |
John McLean, Labour have lost Norwich South. It's been a chaotic | :01:06. | :01:11. | |
election for the Conservative Parties. Starting with the NHS | :01:12. | :01:19. | |
computer system going down but the good news is, I'm HIV negative | :01:20. | :01:28. | |
again, ladies. The Tory manifesto with some incredibly unpopular | :01:29. | :01:32. | |
policies, if you get dementia, you could lose your house. That is the | :01:33. | :01:41. | |
most terrible policy. For pensioners it's like putting VAT on racism. And | :01:42. | :01:48. | |
pensioners won't aqueous into a Conservative Government, they will | :01:49. | :01:53. | |
vote for it. These people will crawl along the pavement to vote | :01:54. | :01:58. | |
themselves out of their own house! Theresa May has looked incredibly | :01:59. | :02:05. | |
uncomfortable. She always looks like she is about to cough up a pellet | :02:06. | :02:13. | |
but rest assured no matter how uncomfortable in the election, the | :02:14. | :02:18. | |
victory parade will be like Mad Max Fury Road. Jeremy Corbyn has not | :02:19. | :02:22. | |
done so well in Scotland. Scottish people don't trust anyone who looks | :02:23. | :02:28. | |
old but still has teeth! I think it's going to be sad watching Corbyn | :02:29. | :02:34. | |
getting beaten, not like watching Ed Miliband lose. More like watching | :02:35. | :02:41. | |
Aslan dying in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The perfect result | :02:42. | :02:47. | |
for me is if Jeremy Corbyn get enough seats to fill in the election | :02:48. | :02:53. | |
and then Sinn Fein have to take those seats. You may not think I | :02:54. | :02:58. | |
don't have enough votes to pass the Budget but, ladies and gentlemen, | :02:59. | :03:03. | |
the IRA! The Queen's speech is written by the IRA and she has to | :03:04. | :03:10. | |
deliver it through a balaclava! Ukip have tried to reposition themselves. | :03:11. | :03:15. | |
They got what they wanted. They got out of the EU. Nobody cares about | :03:16. | :03:21. | |
the other positions. Like hearing Isis' position on wheelie bins. Ukip | :03:22. | :03:27. | |
are worried about low skilled migrant workers, they don't want low | :03:28. | :03:32. | |
skilled migrants coming to Britain. Wait until after Brexit, the British | :03:33. | :03:35. | |
people living in Europe who is to come back here. Wait until you see | :03:36. | :03:42. | |
what they are bringing to the table! My skills include being able to ask | :03:43. | :03:46. | |
for the bill in Spanish. And armed robbery! Tim Farron's a trendy vicar | :03:47. | :03:56. | |
character, isn't he? OK, everybody let's meet at the youth club | :03:57. | :04:00. | |
tomorrow, we're having a workshop on how to act normal around gays. | :04:01. | :04:09. | |
Tim Farron said he didn't think gay sex was a sin. He had to say that, | :04:10. | :04:13. | |
he was being asked about it every day. It was getting to the stage | :04:14. | :04:19. | |
when he was to be asked about specific acts of gay sex: The Daily | :04:20. | :04:26. | |
Express, Mr Farron, what are your views on rimming? Felching, farron? | :04:27. | :04:35. | |
The public want answers! OK! Let's get on with the show! So, here's how | :04:36. | :04:45. | |
the show works, I give an opinion about the news, we decide if I'm | :04:46. | :04:53. | |
right or wrong. Joining me to discuss the issues, please welcome, | :04:54. | :05:12. | |
Sara Pascoe and Miles -- good to see you both. Enjoying the election? I | :05:13. | :05:20. | |
feel sick. My granddad died last week, so I had to spend time with my | :05:21. | :05:29. | |
family... What is awful, it was that an old person would die, you said | :05:30. | :05:35. | |
they had good innings, and when a younger person died it is sadder. | :05:36. | :05:39. | |
Now when an older person dies it is worse as they don't see the Brexit | :05:40. | :05:44. | |
they wanted so desperately. Miles, is this the last moment of | :05:45. | :05:51. | |
hope? This election or this?! What we're doing now?! This moment in the | :05:52. | :05:56. | |
show! I think it could be. Labour Party supporters have been swept | :05:57. | :06:00. | |
along by optimism in the last two weeks. If it doesn't go their way, | :06:01. | :06:06. | |
there will be heartbreak, I suppose. Whereas if the Conservatives win | :06:07. | :06:11. | |
they will be gleeful and they will not have costed it but smashing hope | :06:12. | :06:15. | |
is one of their manifesto policies. So either way, that will happen. | :06:16. | :06:22. | |
OK! So I'll make two propositions based on the election, first, the | :06:23. | :06:27. | |
political system hates us. Joining us to discuss all of this please | :06:28. | :06:33. | |
welcome playwright, Lucy Prebble. Lucy, you look like you might have | :06:34. | :06:50. | |
hope. Do you still have hope? Oh, no. No. I'm suffering from | :06:51. | :06:59. | |
democratic fatigue. The democracy is making he understand the rise of | :07:00. | :07:05. | |
fascism, a little. If we are to have right-wing authoritarians in charge, | :07:06. | :07:09. | |
I would rather it imposed on us a bit, rather than knowing that | :07:10. | :07:14. | |
everyone had voted for it. For the old people that voted in the | :07:15. | :07:17. | |
election, this is the last opportunity to vote. For the young | :07:18. | :07:20. | |
who voted this will be the last opportunity to vote. | :07:21. | :07:27. | |
Politics is a sort of class warfare. The political class engaged in arms | :07:28. | :07:35. | |
deals, profit yearing and corruption, against the public that | :07:36. | :07:43. | |
are not able to understand this. And Theresa May, the first in | :07:44. | :07:46. | |
history not to get the trains to run on time. She is an authoritarian at | :07:47. | :07:52. | |
heart. This is the key. Why she wants rid of the human rights | :07:53. | :07:57. | |
legislation, why she wants in the surveillance bill. That is the key | :07:58. | :08:05. | |
to her permanently appalled expression, like she has just seen | :08:06. | :08:10. | |
my internet history. So the election focussed on the leaders rather than | :08:11. | :08:15. | |
the parties. Theresa May became an MP in 1997 a few weeks after the | :08:16. | :08:19. | |
death by shooting of the notorious BIG. Some comfort to the family of | :08:20. | :08:25. | |
Biggie that he never knew that Theresa May existed. | :08:26. | :08:34. | |
Throughout the campaign, Theresa May managed her terrible public image, | :08:35. | :08:38. | |
here she is stumbling and buying time whilst thinking of an answer | :08:39. | :08:42. | |
that will do her career the last amount of damage. | :08:43. | :08:47. | |
What's the naughtest thing you ever did Goodness me. Gosh, do you know | :08:48. | :08:52. | |
I'm not quite sure. There must have been a moment. Well, | :08:53. | :08:59. | |
nobody is perfectly behaved. I have to confess, when me and my friends | :09:00. | :09:04. | |
used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren't too | :09:05. | :09:10. | |
pleased about that! If you are going to answer that question, just say | :09:11. | :09:14. | |
the real worst thing you've ever done. I killed a tramp with hammer! | :09:15. | :09:23. | |
What of it?! I think that is what is so great about asking that question. | :09:24. | :09:30. | |
A normal person would say that they cheated at Monopoly, she is think | :09:31. | :09:37. | |
being how she wants to ban human rights, or selling arms to the | :09:38. | :09:42. | |
Saudis, I know, I will talk about Peter Rabbit. | :09:43. | :09:46. | |
I think she is trying to conjure up an idea of Britain from the past | :09:47. | :09:50. | |
that is rural, idyllic. That is what it is about. | :09:51. | :09:54. | |
She feels empathy but only for the wheat. | :09:55. | :10:00. | |
She loves repeating little phrases, strong and stable and the other one | :10:01. | :10:04. | |
is the coalition of chaos that came up in the debate. You think, OK, so | :10:05. | :10:09. | |
she's saying if you elect anyone else there will be a coalition of | :10:10. | :10:14. | |
chaos. It sounds amazing. Like a Marvel film you want to see. That | :10:15. | :10:20. | |
sort of thing, most people engage with politics for a brief way, | :10:21. | :10:26. | |
myself included, so those phrases work well. Winston Churchill used to | :10:27. | :10:30. | |
say, we will fight them on the beaches but once it made sense. | :10:31. | :10:39. | |
All the other times, shall we give back the Elgin Marbles... We'll | :10:40. | :10:45. | |
fight them on the beeches! Some of the dreams that Martin Luther King | :10:46. | :10:51. | |
have told were disgusting. My father was naked and riding on | :10:52. | :10:57. | |
the back of a lab door. She panics halfway through a sentence. She is | :10:58. | :11:01. | |
not good suppressing what she thinks. You can see the fear in her | :11:02. | :11:07. | |
eyes or sometimes thinking that the correct thing to do when being | :11:08. | :11:11. | |
criticised is to laugh. And then see has one of these things, so, strong | :11:12. | :11:17. | |
and stable... Coalition of chaos or us?! A bunch of BAssards?! Many | :11:18. | :11:25. | |
politicians found themselves hounded by the same question over and over | :11:26. | :11:32. | |
again, here is Jeremy Corbyn refusing to answer an incredibly | :11:33. | :11:36. | |
persistent audience. Would you allow North Korea or some | :11:37. | :11:41. | |
idiot in Iran to bomb us and then say, oh, we better start talking. | :11:42. | :11:47. | |
You would be too late. Of course not. Of course I would not do that. | :11:48. | :11:55. | |
. You would allow them to do it? Of course not. That is why I made the | :11:56. | :12:00. | |
point a short time ago about the need for President Obama's agreement | :12:01. | :12:04. | |
with Iran to be upheld it is important, actually. And also to | :12:05. | :12:10. | |
promote disarmament in North Korea. That is difficult I appreciate. | :12:11. | :12:17. | |
Impossible. Impossible. You up there? You are asking a | :12:18. | :12:23. | |
massive wish with one of the biggest Arsenals by your side. I would | :12:24. | :12:33. | |
rather have it and not use it in today's age? You want to comment on | :12:34. | :12:43. | |
that? No. It was a frustrating show, that. The | :12:44. | :12:49. | |
people of York were obsessed with having an nuclear exchange with | :12:50. | :12:52. | |
Iran, which does not have nuclear weapons. I was proud of him for | :12:53. | :12:58. | |
sticking to his guns but he could have gone, I would use Trident and | :12:59. | :13:05. | |
then just winked. And when they said did you wink there, he would have | :13:06. | :13:12. | |
gone, "no". Of course not! I have sympathy for the men in that | :13:13. | :13:16. | |
audience who key. With Jeremy Corbyn, he does want you to know | :13:17. | :13:21. | |
that he has such integrity. I do think that is the problem with him. | :13:22. | :13:27. | |
That people think he is putting his sense of integrity above national | :13:28. | :13:32. | |
security. He could just lie. Or we could go, we don't know. Anything | :13:33. | :13:37. | |
could happen. Aliens come, we have to fire it into space, so he doesn't | :13:38. | :13:42. | |
know but he wants to impose his morality. | :13:43. | :13:45. | |
I think they should keep Trident but not output date it. What is more | :13:46. | :13:52. | |
threatening than a rusty nuke? This is not a session guided thing, we | :13:53. | :13:57. | |
have pulled this from the shed. It may go off at face height. It's a | :13:58. | :14:02. | |
bank holiday and we've been drinking! But the British people are | :14:03. | :14:09. | |
obsessed with this. If you remember one of the first things Theresa May | :14:10. | :14:13. | |
did as a Prime Minister, she stood up in the House of Commons and said | :14:14. | :14:18. | |
that thing that she was prepared to kill 100,000 men, women and children | :14:19. | :14:23. | |
if need's be. Maybe the question was about school lunches... She was | :14:24. | :14:29. | |
trying to get sponsored for Comic Relief! Whatever you think about the | :14:30. | :14:33. | |
Lib Dem leader, Tim Farron, you cannot say he did not embrace the | :14:34. | :14:40. | |
election foow a even when desperate or awed. Let's look at the | :14:41. | :14:45. | |
highlights. Drifting along aimlessly, not making | :14:46. | :14:52. | |
impression on the ground... On a bus powered by shame... He has a key | :14:53. | :14:59. | |
skill for a top politicians, to be able to bake tarts... We are getting | :15:00. | :15:04. | |
you to do speed chess and answer the questions? Not well. | :15:05. | :15:10. | |
No-one will judge you on that! Is this about Brexit? Look at that. | :15:11. | :15:18. | |
Oh, you are check mate! I'm good at pop quizzes! | :15:19. | :15:23. | |
APPLAUSE The lady on the buses in a rear | :15:24. | :15:34. | |
facing seat. I'd no idea where where going! All I can see is the chaos | :15:35. | :15:42. | |
and havoc we leave behind. He doesn't seem like he wants to win | :15:43. | :15:45. | |
the election, he seems like he wants to get all of his Cub Scout badges. | :15:46. | :15:52. | |
Grafting, the badge for saying gay sex is a sin, saying it isn't a | :15:53. | :15:59. | |
thin. All of the badges. Like the Duke of Edinburgh award. It's | :16:00. | :16:02. | |
probably why the Duke of Edinburgh retired, so he didn't have to meet | :16:03. | :16:13. | |
the locker. Here's some unrelenting footage of Jeremy Hunt on a hospital | :16:14. | :16:16. | |
visit. reporter-macro: How does it feel, | :16:17. | :16:20. | |
all of those people dying because of your actions? You are closing our | :16:21. | :16:24. | |
hospital. How have you got the cheek to come here, when you are closing | :16:25. | :16:31. | |
our hospital? I think the names they call you are right, Mr Hunt. The | :16:32. | :16:39. | |
name is clearly this spells. -- misspelled. Let's hope you never | :16:40. | :16:47. | |
need an A, Mr Hunt. Any other person in the world, I'd help with | :16:48. | :16:49. | |
that. APPLAUSE | :16:50. | :16:57. | |
I'd like to think that was the voice of his conscience. He was in | :16:58. | :17:07. | |
hospital, having it removed. He was pretending to be normal, that thing | :17:08. | :17:10. | |
off like, you just keep chatting and you try and keep that demean up, but | :17:11. | :17:14. | |
then I thought maybe he just thinks that's what the world is like, maybe | :17:15. | :17:18. | |
he thinks that everywhere, a bit like wherever the Queen goes she | :17:19. | :17:23. | |
thinks it smells of fresh paint, baby Jeremy Hunt thinks everyone in | :17:24. | :17:28. | |
the world walks around saying, Cuenca. This new thing people are | :17:29. | :17:38. | |
saying, resign, ... I think it's the last election campaign whether | :17:39. | :17:40. | |
politicians will even go and campaign. I think it will be like | :17:41. | :17:44. | |
digital avatars in the next election. They'll send a digital | :17:45. | :17:49. | |
avatar around the country and dub over the occasional local reference. | :17:50. | :17:52. | |
It's a pleasure to be here in Doncaster. I sympathise with your | :17:53. | :17:58. | |
local concerns about unemployment. I enjoy your local cuisine of pie and | :17:59. | :18:10. | |
chips. And methadone. OK, so in conclusion, the political system may | :18:11. | :18:14. | |
hate is more than we hate it, but let's look on the bright side. We | :18:15. | :18:18. | |
need to take a moment to forget politics, look into our partner's | :18:19. | :18:21. | |
eyes and take solace, take solace from the fact that the daily bases | :18:22. | :18:25. | |
we managed to suppress the hate we have for the person we have two | :18:26. | :18:30. | |
spent the rest of our lives with. We hate the way they laughed, the way | :18:31. | :18:33. | |
they blink, the way they eat, the way they sleep, the way they breeze, | :18:34. | :18:38. | |
the way they exist. And if we can live with that hate, day in, day | :18:39. | :18:42. | |
out, how hard can it be to stifle the hate we have for our political | :18:43. | :18:47. | |
system. So, chin up, everybody. Thanks to Lucy Prebble. | :18:48. | :18:58. | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK come the next proposition. The | :18:59. | :19:05. | |
media is a huge obstacle to meaningful democracy. Joining us to | :19:06. | :19:10. | |
discuss this, please welcome Mr Nish Kumar. | :19:11. | :19:13. | |
APPLAUSE How are you doing, Nish? Have you | :19:14. | :19:31. | |
been following this election? I'm having the best time of my life, | :19:32. | :19:36. | |
Frankie. I love elections. I hope we have one every year, which I think | :19:37. | :19:41. | |
we will. This is what we do at this time of year, indirect, Brexit, | :19:42. | :19:45. | |
election, indirect and the Temple of doom. It will keep on rolling. I | :19:46. | :19:50. | |
like your positivity, mass Rob -- Nish. Yes, I'm here to be a ray of | :19:51. | :19:59. | |
sunshine, democracy! Elections are an exchange of rhetorical artillery | :20:00. | :20:02. | |
and the lack of engagement from voters is something the media is | :20:03. | :20:06. | |
implicit in. Theresa May can be interviewed by Paxman in the week of | :20:07. | :20:11. | |
the Manchester on and not be asked about how he got to Libya, while she | :20:12. | :20:16. | |
was Home Secretary. Instead, we got questions about bombs and Yemen. The | :20:17. | :20:21. | |
media is complicit about the whole thing, from cropping shots to | :20:22. | :20:26. | |
printing coverage which is sometimes little more than a party press | :20:27. | :20:28. | |
release. This is what we've been talking about the whole kind of | :20:29. | :20:34. | |
catchphrase nature of the election. Saying strong and stable all the | :20:35. | :20:37. | |
time isn't a strong and stable thing to do. If someone just had the words | :20:38. | :20:44. | |
strong and stable as their tinder bio, that someone who is teetering | :20:45. | :20:48. | |
on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That's someone who will hide a rifle | :20:49. | :20:56. | |
in a stationary cupboard and face a disciplinary at work. That somebody | :20:57. | :21:01. | |
who's dropped back carpets fat cash converter, because they need money | :21:02. | :21:05. | |
to buy heroin for their dog. As they are cooking up shot for the baffled | :21:06. | :21:12. | |
labrador, they see their own face reflected in the spoon and it's | :21:13. | :21:17. | |
mouthing the words, strong and stable. With the support of the | :21:18. | :21:21. | |
entire media, how could Theresa May have lost this election? Theresa May | :21:22. | :21:27. | |
could have taken a shit on the Cenotaph through a wreath of poppies | :21:28. | :21:31. | |
and then dragged her arse like a dog with worms down the length of Pall | :21:32. | :21:36. | |
mall and the worst that could have happened is she'd have to form a | :21:37. | :21:37. | |
coalition. LAUGHTER | :21:38. | :21:44. | |
Nish, do you find this? The campaign coverage, I find it very false and | :21:45. | :21:48. | |
stultifying. Yes, it feels like more than ever the media has not... It's | :21:49. | :21:53. | |
been very passive, it's been observing the process rather than | :21:54. | :21:57. | |
interrogating, and then we have this kind of spectacle of these debates | :21:58. | :22:00. | |
that weren't really debates, because they weren't in the same room, and | :22:01. | :22:04. | |
it was quite a hollow experience. It's a bit like watching a porn | :22:05. | :22:08. | |
movie where instead of Tube people having sex, they just stand in | :22:09. | :22:15. | |
separate rooms and masturbate consecutively. At the end I've still | :22:16. | :22:17. | |
got an erection but nothing has really been saltier. It's like you | :22:18. | :22:27. | |
need to come convey more convexity, you have messages like coalition of | :22:28. | :22:30. | |
chaos, strong and stable, and it's not as simple as that and give | :22:31. | :22:34. | |
people a more informed view, but the minute you do that you are in a | :22:35. | :22:38. | |
medium where it's impossible to go, well, it's more sophisticated than | :22:39. | :22:41. | |
that because you have it to cut straight to the next one. I don't | :22:42. | :22:45. | |
think people want that much information. Most people just want | :22:46. | :22:50. | |
to grab a couple of things and talk about them angrily after a large | :22:51. | :22:54. | |
white wine. Everyone in my family is Tory. The reasons are interesting. | :22:55. | :22:59. | |
My sister, I said to her about the cuts on things that are happening, | :23:00. | :23:03. | |
in terms of the rape crisis centres that don't have funding anymore, | :23:04. | :23:07. | |
women's refuges don't have funding, and she said actually 75% of the | :23:08. | :23:11. | |
women in those refugees are pretending their boyfriends are | :23:12. | :23:14. | |
hitting them so they have a second place to live. That is what happens | :23:15. | :23:18. | |
if you don't fund education. She's a teacher! | :23:19. | :23:23. | |
LAUGHTER Who's having a second home in a rape | :23:24. | :23:36. | |
shelter? Maybe it's near a beach. During the campaign the media | :23:37. | :23:44. | |
accidentally gave an insight into its true priorities. Take a look at | :23:45. | :23:49. | |
Nicola Sturgeon being interviewed by Sky News. Whilst you can blame the | :23:50. | :23:53. | |
Conservatives, why not raise taxation of the most rich? As you | :23:54. | :23:56. | |
just indicated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, we have to interrupt, | :23:57. | :23:59. | |
Theresa May has started speaking. Perhaps you can hang on for us and | :24:00. | :24:04. | |
we can get your reaction. I'm taking nothing for granted. I'm going to be | :24:05. | :24:06. | |
continuing to campaign across the whole of the country. | :24:07. | :24:12. | |
APPLAUSE That's the whole media thing for me, | :24:13. | :24:19. | |
it's all about symbolism. He's gone from an actual conversation took a | :24:20. | :24:24. | |
symbolic event, where Theresa May has stood outside a bus. There's | :24:25. | :24:28. | |
nobody even there, so this just photographers. They are in a lay-by | :24:29. | :24:33. | |
somewhere. She's shouting nothing into a hedge and you've cut away to | :24:34. | :24:41. | |
do it. You can watch what happens at the end of the shot. They could | :24:42. | :24:45. | |
easily lead in a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn, she said was a | :24:46. | :24:50. | |
real possibility. They must take anything for granted. She urged | :24:51. | :24:55. | |
people to vote for her and her team, and a vote for her and her team is a | :24:56. | :24:59. | |
vote for economic security. I wish they'd carried on filming, behind | :25:00. | :25:06. | |
the bus was a wheat field. Happy as Larry. The peak of Cosa Nostra | :25:07. | :25:10. | |
between politicians in the campaign was this embarrassing appearance by | :25:11. | :25:16. | |
Theresa May and Philip on the one show. When you've experienced so | :25:17. | :25:19. | |
much of each other's lives, you were when you were young, you must feel | :25:20. | :25:25. | |
like you are almost one, as opposed individuals? Yes, I suppose... We | :25:26. | :25:30. | |
are still individuals, we know each other really well. It's sort of like | :25:31. | :25:35. | |
they don't understand normal conversations. When he goes, it's | :25:36. | :25:40. | |
sort of like you are one person, it's like, how does the human know? | :25:41. | :25:46. | |
I like the way they chorus, we are individuals. He's an electoral | :25:47. | :25:50. | |
asset. You know when you see a baby bird that's fallen out of the nest, | :25:51. | :25:56. | |
you need to stamp on it before a cat gets it? | :25:57. | :25:57. | |
LAUGHTER You don't have to! I didn't hate | :25:58. | :26:03. | |
them in this interview, but I did hate the stuff about the boy jobs | :26:04. | :26:07. | |
and girl jobs, the idea that a woman can't take the bins out and as a | :26:08. | :26:12. | |
woman who lives alone in a house full of rubbish... Will someone come | :26:13. | :26:18. | |
and take my bins out? The thing is, the one show, that's the format of | :26:19. | :26:22. | |
it but it was more of a problem that certain newspapers and places you | :26:23. | :26:26. | |
expect some actual analysis to happen had such a unquestioning view | :26:27. | :26:29. | |
of Theresa May. The Daily Mail described her as like finally a | :26:30. | :26:32. | |
Prime Minister who will be honest, but she lied about the fact there | :26:33. | :26:38. | |
was going to be an election and she campaigned for Remain and now she's | :26:39. | :26:42. | |
pushing for a Brexit so aggressive that Pret a Manger will have to | :26:43. | :26:48. | |
change its name to Lunch, in it? Of all the things you could praise her | :26:49. | :26:52. | |
for, honesty is baffling. Most of that interview is them talking about | :26:53. | :26:56. | |
going for a walking holiday in Snowdonia. I think possibly they go | :26:57. | :27:01. | |
there because she mates with a tethered dragon. It's at the top of | :27:02. | :27:09. | |
Snowdonia. Suddenly needs to say it. Maybe when you see her uncomfortable | :27:10. | :27:13. | |
in interviews, someone is attacking the dragon. Her soul is in the | :27:14. | :27:18. | |
Dragon and she's trying... Or run through fields of wheat, but really, | :27:19. | :27:23. | |
she's thinking, save the Dragon. I'd love it if you'd been in the | :27:24. | :27:27. | |
audience for one of the leader's debate, they'd be like, this is all | :27:28. | :27:30. | |
very well, what's happening with the Dragon? In North Korea, attacked by | :27:31. | :27:37. | |
a dragon... What would you do then, Mr Corbyn? Would you protect our | :27:38. | :27:46. | |
Dragon? Anyway, it's important candidates catch voters' attention. | :27:47. | :27:50. | |
Here's one Conservative candidate's creative method of getting there | :27:51. | :27:54. | |
across with a shifting gear towards the end. -- getting their message | :27:55. | :28:00. | |
across. hello, I'm the Conservative candidate in East Yorkshire. There's | :28:01. | :28:03. | |
a general election on the 8th of June and I hope if you live in East | :28:04. | :28:08. | |
Yorkshire that you will vote for me. When you vote in an election, you | :28:09. | :28:12. | |
are doing two things. You are choosing who is your local | :28:13. | :28:15. | |
representatives, but you are also choosing a Prime Minister. I hope | :28:16. | :28:20. | |
you vote for me and support Theresa May. We want a strong and stable | :28:21. | :28:26. | |
government, not a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn. # you get | :28:27. | :28:34. | |
accountability with Conservative delivery | :28:35. | :28:38. | |
# Make sure this time you get it right | :28:39. | :28:43. | |
# Vote for Greg Knight #. APPLAUSE | :28:44. | :28:52. | |
What were the words of the song? Was the first word, cutting disability? | :28:53. | :28:56. | |
It's hard not to watch that and understand those mothers in the | :28:57. | :29:01. | |
1950s who looked at Elvis and saw him as such a threat to their | :29:02. | :29:05. | |
daughters. That guy, he's just locking sex! | :29:06. | :29:08. | |
LAUGHTER I think it's dangerous. I think what | :29:09. | :29:14. | |
he's doing there is provocative and deliberately provocative. He could | :29:15. | :29:18. | |
start and he'd be there but, oh, who's going to come in the office? I | :29:19. | :29:22. | |
don't know who is going to be. It's Greg Knight, it's Greg Knight. | :29:23. | :29:28. | |
That's a surprise. Other DHS made of that and sent to every young person | :29:29. | :29:35. | |
in the constituency. The media are allowed to be properly difficult | :29:36. | :29:39. | |
with major parties and far right wing nuts. Have a look when Ukip's | :29:40. | :29:43. | |
Paul Nuttall said he was standing in a town he had no prior links to. | :29:44. | :29:47. | |
We're going to do a little game to test how well you know the see | :29:48. | :29:54. | |
you're going to stand in. Boston, or Lost in. Look at the picture on the | :29:55. | :29:58. | |
screen and say whether it's a picture of Boston, or somewhere else | :29:59. | :30:01. | |
in the country. Here's the first one. What do you reckon? Boston, or | :30:02. | :30:04. | |
not? Boston. Is that correct? Sorry, | :30:05. | :30:16. | |
that's Aylesbury town centre. What about the next one. Are you looking | :30:17. | :30:21. | |
at Boston or another place in the country? I would say Boston. | :30:22. | :30:29. | |
I'm sorry that's not Bostonment Hang on, Sophie... How about this one? | :30:30. | :30:34. | |
That is Boston. That is Boston, correct! At least | :30:35. | :30:47. | |
there is a critical appraisal of the leader of the UK Independence Party. | :30:48. | :30:52. | |
If that was Farage it would have been a picture of you being a | :30:53. | :30:58. | |
complete legend or a partial legend. They had a boner for him for years. | :30:59. | :31:03. | |
Anyway, I have certain opinions about Ukip and they have certain | :31:04. | :31:08. | |
opinions about me! The ideal would be if you did something relevant | :31:09. | :31:15. | |
like Farage on there and deport, or not. And there may abtan but who | :31:16. | :31:26. | |
cares! I will host that game show. There is an unnecessary item. If it | :31:27. | :31:32. | |
was an item on town centres, that would be a different approach but it | :31:33. | :31:37. | |
was just a waste of everyone's locking time. | :31:38. | :31:43. | |
Media may be an obstacle to democracy but not an insurmountable | :31:44. | :31:49. | |
one. I can promise you with will change, that your children will have | :31:50. | :31:54. | |
a brighter future. I can promise you this as they are meaningless. Anyone | :31:55. | :31:59. | |
can say promises, because the days of being held to account for a | :32:00. | :32:04. | |
promise are over. This is now how it is going to be. I mean this, look at | :32:05. | :32:11. | |
it, what a locking mess. Your children's futures are locked. But I | :32:12. | :32:14. | |
promise you this, I do not care about you or your children's future, | :32:15. | :32:21. | |
that is a promise you can believe. And that's the end of the show! | :32:22. | :32:35. | |
Thanks to my guests, Sara Pascoe, Miles Jupp and Kumar. But before I | :32:36. | :32:39. | |
go, I want to leave you with some words. Tonight in the style of Ukip | :32:40. | :32:47. | |
leader, Paul Nuttall, in what I hope will be an uncannily accurate | :32:48. | :32:50. | |
impression. Hi, Paul Nuttall from Ukip. To many | :32:51. | :32:55. | |
of you I probably look like at some point in life have had to pull a | :32:56. | :33:03. | |
dangerous dog off my mum... You've made an inat that point value | :33:04. | :33:09. | |
judgment about me because my neck is the same width theth as my head and | :33:10. | :33:16. | |
I look like I could give unsolice ted advice at the fruit machine. | :33:17. | :33:21. | |
Most of the failed politicians from the election will end up with a | :33:22. | :33:29. | |
directorship. Not me. In six weeks' time, I'll be breeding staffies and | :33:30. | :33:35. | |
driving a coach. Of course people say I look like a male model, | :33:36. | :33:41. | |
fronting a campaign, urging women not to leave their drinks | :33:42. | :33:47. | |
unattended. And yet, my father was actually a | :33:48. | :33:52. | |
south American magic realist novelist. It was a tricky upbringing | :33:53. | :34:00. | |
in many ways. I'd ask him to go to a friend's birthday party and he would | :34:01. | :34:05. | |
digress about a pirate who fell in love with a seal. Dad never stopped | :34:06. | :34:13. | |
talking, other than at my bedtime story which he always read silently | :34:14. | :34:19. | |
to himself. Of course, I rebelled. I created my own fantasy life to rival | :34:20. | :34:25. | |
my father's, perhaps I wanted to stand for something simple. To stand | :34:26. | :34:30. | |
up for the sort of people who put a big St George's flag in their garden | :34:31. | :34:35. | |
during a football championship and never take it down. Until it gets so | :34:36. | :34:41. | |
dirty from petrol fumes that it looks like they support Isis. When | :34:42. | :34:46. | |
the general election was called, I called my father in excitement but | :34:47. | :34:53. | |
he was subdued. Paul, he said, he had something to tell me. In his | :34:54. | :34:58. | |
foreign accent. That I was not a real man but a character in a story | :34:59. | :35:06. | |
he was writing. Conceived on ironic comedy on British masculinity. | :35:07. | :35:14. | |
He said there was nothing more thoroughly British than going on | :35:15. | :35:17. | |
holiday and come back with a damaged vagina. | :35:18. | :35:26. | |
I started to worry that I was indeed simply some kind of racist | :35:27. | :35:33. | |
Pinocchio. So am I real or not? Who knows? I have the strangest dreams | :35:34. | :35:40. | |
sometimes. Sometimes, I dream I'm a teenager who's suffocating in a | :35:41. | :35:47. | |
shipping container, I feel complete empathy, a oneness with the | :35:48. | :35:51. | |
universe. I fight that feeling with everything I've got. I wake up and | :35:52. | :35:58. | |
with a full English breakfast and some strong aftershave, I'll feel as | :35:59. | :36:03. | |
real as I ever need to. Good night, everybody. | :36:04. | :36:14. |