Episode 4 Frankie Boyle's New World Order


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Episode 4

In a time where Donald Trump can be president, who better to dissect the news than Frankie Boyle. Frankie is joined by Sara Pascoe and Katherine Ryan.


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This programme contains very strong language and adult humour.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Frankie Boyle!

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Hello and welcome to the final show in this cautious for Mike episode

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commission from the BBC. We are now under a Conservative government. We

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have become normalised to it, haven't we? Theresa May keeps going

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on TV and doing that weird smiling thing that she does, that thing

:00:46.:00:49.

halfway between having a stroke and screaming forever. I often wonder

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what she's doing. Is she doing her pelvic floor exercises on national

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television? By this stage she must be able to snap a cricket stump in

:01:02.:01:07.

half. Michael Gove is in her Cabinet. Put-in Michael Gove in

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charge of the environment is like putting an orangutan in charge of

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the foreign office. Something which she's also done. David Davis, the

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Brexit negotiator, he is the favourite to be the next Tory

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leader. He is 68. Jeremy Corbyn is 68. And Vince Cable is dying. Be

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good to have one party leader who wasn't conceived by gas light in an

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air raid shelter. I don't trust our Brexit negotiating team, and the

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incidentally. I think they are the sort of people who would end up

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paying full price on a DFS sofa. The Labour Party are leading in the

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polls. Jeremy Corbyn is leading in the polls and if there was an

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election tomorrow, Labour would win and yet Jeremy Corbyn still doesn't

:02:02.:02:06.

have the support of his own MPs. He might be ahead in the polls but

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here's the worst person at controlling a party since Michael

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Barrymore. On with the show. Joining me to discuss week's big topic is,

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Sara Pascoe and Katherine Ryan! Hello, it's been a couple of weeks,

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but have you been up to? I've invented a drinking game. The

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trumped reason drinking game. Basically when you watch the news if

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there's a sentence that has Trump and trees and together you take a

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drink. I'd play the game without even knowing about the game. Donal

:02:53.:02:58.

Trump Jr is working at making that game happening. He's admitted to

:02:59.:03:07.

collusion with Russia via a tweet. He is innocent and transparent, says

:03:08.:03:11.

Donald Trump seniors so it is sort of like he went to a drug deal but

:03:12.:03:16.

then they sold him oregano so he's cool. Takes some work to be the

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black sheep of the Trump family. We don't need to worry about the

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environment because we are all about to disappear in a ball of nuclear

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light. I suppose there is every part of everyone of us that hopes that at

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some point soon politics will go back to normal, Twitter will go back

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to being what it is supposed to be- a platform for sending death threats

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to X Factor finalists. We live in a bold worst foreign policy norms lack

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any kind of morality, when neocolonial policies make our

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military adventures abroad little more than licensed murder, where

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Britain thinks of itself as having a special relationship with America

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but America thinks of Britain as somewhere where it stores its

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missiles. Somewhere like a shared. The North Korean leader is firing

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missiles into the Sea of Japan and is at risk of waking Godzilla. The

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US President is so deranged that you conform a better president from the

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meat in his colon. One of the main obstacles to world peace is Donald

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Trump. Say what you like about him, he has proved a lot of people wrong.

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Sadly, not George Orwell, Margaret Atwood or whoever wrote the book of

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Revelation. One of our main problems is we don't understand the moral

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problems of how we act in other countries. We think we target

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militant people with a missiles, we have precision targeting. You can't

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do that! You can't target something specifically if you're going to blow

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it up with high explosives. There is no point finding the clear choice if

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what you find it with is an uppercut. Joining us to discuss our

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impending doom, please welcome Romesh Ranganathan and Desiree

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Burch! Welcome. Are you worried about

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disappearing in a curtain of flame? I'm not, no. I don't think

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disappearing in a ball of light sounds that bad. In the past, we had

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bullets. This, you go, it sounds nice. If anything, I wouldn't want

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to be a survivor. That is the absolute worst. If there was a

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danger of us getting nuked, I'm jumping in the car and heading

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towards the blast point with my wife. That would be a great movie.

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Or a great travelogue series. I just wouldn't want to survive it. You've

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got to then repopulate the Earth. Boring! Not just boring, you have

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your kid and then you've got to give them the most twisted birds and bees

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talk all the time. When a man loves a woman, and by that I mean you

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two... I have to agree. Unfortunately, I think we're going

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to be a 68 it by Cal Fat far before we die in the nuclear winter so if

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nuclear winter comes, I am super for it because not only do you have to

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have your brother and sister make babies but then they have to

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recreate the world, figure out the language we're going to speak,

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figure out who we are going to have to press to make an economy. It is a

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lot of work. You have to reinvent Netflix. Fucked that. First up,

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Donald Trump's image among his supporters is built around his

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proclaimed love of America. Take a look at this peculiar behaviour.

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# Stand up next to you # And defend her still today

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# God bless the USA! There is an element of Stockholm

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syndrome. I've started to find some things about him genuinely inspiring

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and I think he is cool. I'm going to do that on my Edinburgh show. I

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agree, that's good for him. Not good for the world. And our descent

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towards the apocalypse but in terms of what he is doing, he is trading

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on Patriots, right? That is a killer move, he is going up and hugging the

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flack-mac disease-mac flag. Is he being presidential? The first room,

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he has torn the living room apart and done a shit in the microwave.

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He's going to learn from this. No, he is a bare! When analysing the

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danger he poses, let's look at the people advising him. He prevails his

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most trusted adviser in this alarming phone interview. So,

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Donald, who were you talking to consistently since we have some

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foreign policy issues around the world right now. Who are you

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consulting with consistently so that you are ready on day one? I am

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speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and

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I've said a lot of things. I have a very good brain? It is a

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good brain, don't tell me it is a good brain. It is a good brain! He's

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incredible, he is a demagogue in the purest sense. Listen to anybody

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else, they'll say, we will take money from here and put it there. He

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says, I'm going to make health care so great. How? It's going to be

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amazing, trust me. Isis, we're going to kick the shit out of them, trust

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me. And you say, yes, I want that to happen! He must be thinking about

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assassinating Trump, mustn't he? The assassinated as are on his side.

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You're not going to have AV can shoot the face. His broadcasting

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allies, Fox News, were keen to investigate who students see as a

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threat to world peace and they were not too happy with their downbeat

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responses. They are supposed to be some of the smarter students in the

:10:01.:10:05.

world but one question got some pretty shocking answers at Harvard.

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What is a bigger threat to world peace- America or Isis? To world

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peace? Oh, America. No one would argue we didn't create the problem

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of Isis ourselves. At some level we are because of its. They are

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claiming to be intellectual when they claim that America is a threat

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to world peace. I guess they are smarter than us which is why they

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say that. You know, of course they're going to

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see that. They are at Harvard, they are at college, their first time as

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Americans they have open the real history books to go, we are pieces

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of shit. Everyone gets very liberal when they go to college because it

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is the first time the Wallace taken off their eyes. They're saying, I

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guess they're smarter. People don't sit there and go, Usain Bolt, he's

:11:07.:11:11.

running 100 metres in 9.58 seconds, I suppose he thinks he's faster than

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me! Arguably, under Barack Obama, they were a greater threat to the

:11:17.:11:22.

world than Isis. The assumption is he wasn't a violent president so

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Trump has highlighted by his idiocy and madness is how dangerous the

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times are be living so that is a positive thing about him. That is

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one thing better about him than Obama. A balm created the apparatus

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and handed it over to Trump. It is the worst of all. You have to be

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careful about the next ownership. I did a gig in Chilton one time and

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there is a BAE Systems or weapons manufacturer near Cheltenham. I

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started giving the audience a hard time about developing weapons. And

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the guy said I don't work on weapons, I just designed tail fins

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for missiles, nothing to do with me. That is his way of dealing with it,

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creating the disconnect. I just work on the temperature that flesh melts

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at. There's a page on BAE Systems explaining that they are carbon

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neutral. They are a carbon neutral company worried about the people's

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future. For every civilian killed, they plant a new one. Now, the main

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customer for the British arms is Saudi Arabia. The truth is everyone

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knows that many Western democratic beliefs are not compatible with the

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Saudi regime and it's becoming harder and harder for politicians to

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defend our relationship with them as this up close and uncomfortable

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footage demonstrate. The secretary criticise the Iranian elections. He

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did stand next to Saudi Arabian officials. Does the administration

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believed democracy is a buffer or barrier against extremism?

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I think what I would say is that the one terrorist threat is coming from

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Iran. And that is coming from a part of the Iranian apparatus that is not

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at all responsive to its electorate. It is so rare you see a human being

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buffering. He's quite interesting. Eventually when he thinks of it,

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what we say is. He knows there is an answer to this, he's looking the

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logical half of his brain for it. Why would we do that? What we say

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is... I think when we complain about our

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country dealing with Saudi Arabia, we don't even change our lifestyle

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based on the ethics of things, and we are so obsessed with the origin

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of things. I brought this thing from Lush, and it said, this was made by

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Tom from Surrey. It didn't have anything on the T-shirt I bought

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saying, sewing, sewing, sewing... They stand up in the South -- House

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of Commons and say, this will make us safer from terrorism. They are

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safe from terrorism. Tony Blair has armed guards outside his house! You

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doesn't even live in a rough area! You know what I mean? Who's going to

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assassinate him? The guy that wrote fucking Love Actually?! With The End

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Of The World On The Horizon, You Might Be Wondering If People

:15:22.:15:25.

Actually Pay Attention To The Scaremongering Spread By The Media.

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And, well, by me. Taylor could -- take a look at these terrifying

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scenes. Across the country, ordinary Americans are taking measures to

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prepare... I'm preparing my family for the total destruction. The

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financial collapse... Go, go, go! From what they see as the fast

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approaching end of the world as we know it...

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APPLAUSE I like the way it said, these people

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come from all walks of life. They seemed to come from one walk of life

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- not! That massive plate of pasta make no sense! I think it's

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narcissistic to be going, it's going to be us! It's not going to be

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asked! That contradicts your statement. These proposed hope they

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are not going to and then those people will reproduce and that's

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what the human race will be. That's more terrifying than your

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proposition. If they left behind, dear God help us all! So in

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conclusion, we humans are doing our shit best to ruin the planet. We are

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about three rhinos away from killing the rhinos. But we do have one

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success story to our name. Super gonorrhoea. We have created a whole

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load of medicine-resistant fucked use. We have fucked hoping to a

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dying world. Super gonorrhoea will be the one enduring legacy of human

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civilisation. It will be a Sistine Chapel, our King Lear, and we must

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ensure our presses -- precious creation will survive the coming

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nuclear Holocaust. It is our duty to transfer bacteria resistant

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gonorrhoea to cockroaches. This is how we must spend our last -- last

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days on earth. Having unprotected sex with cockroaches. Even now, I'm

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speaking to you as a live cockroach cellar taped to the tip -- as there

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is a live cockroach cellar taped to the tip of my cock. Because that is

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the right thing to do. This is the circle of life.

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Next up, our lives are being ruined by technology. This is the idea that

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technology has consumed what happiness we once had, and I was

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sitting in the park the other day on my phone, everyone else was on their

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phones, and a guy came along, and do you know what he did? He stood

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around looking at the trees like a fucking serial killer. And this was

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before we get to the exploitation involved in most of our technology.

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Why adults get to live in a permanent childhood because black

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children have to live as adults. Technology could be a good thing

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that exists within the contract -- constructed capitalism. YouTube

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could be good but it is ruined by adverts. What is there about me

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spending five hours watching pensioners falling over that

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suggests I'm in the market for a brand-new Lexus? Guys, are you

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worried by technology? I couldn't disagree more. I think our lives

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have been enhanced by technology and if you want proof of that, go trying

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to take a shit without your phone. You can sit on the toilet and

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received death threats... That's part of the joy of life. For every

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death threat you get, you also get some long-distance flirt from

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somebody you're never going to meet, and it is like it balances out. It

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is a kind of game that, you want to kill me, you want to fucked me, a

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bit of everything! I'm very lazy. Sometimes I ignore my own child to

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look at photos of my own child. There is a threat to jobs and the

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dangers of artificial intelligence, but as always, the only thing people

:20:14.:20:19.

want to know is, can we fucked them? Something Kirsty Wark has

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investigated in this chilling and uncomfortable Newsnight

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investigation. Is it except -- acceptable to use so-called sex

:20:29.:20:33.

robots? These dolls are coming and what would you say? They can be

:20:34.:20:38.

programmed to make verbal responses? We have to make a decision whether

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we use that for good or bad, which we always have to do with

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technology, so there's something to be said about working with these

:20:47.:20:52.

dolls to rehabilitate people who committed rape. But there could be

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the idea that once they have done this many times with an inanimate

:20:57.:21:02.

object and no push back, they might go out and rape humans. Did she say

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absolutely no pushback from a raped?! Those seem to be questions

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that have only ever occurred to her. I think it seems definite that

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people well fuck robots. There might be an intermediary stage where

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people just wrapped them in BacoFoil... But, I mean, men are

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definitely going to fuck robots. Bill Cosby won't even bother

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charging his up. Will they take our jobs and replace us, that's a

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question. I think humans are turning more robotic, because we are always

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on our phones, a lot of things are done for us, we have sex love. I'm

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essentially a robot now. How does the rounds he were? Because at some

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point, when robots evolve, because they are evolving to be like humans,

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then we're just slave owners for robots. The thing you are forgetting

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is that they are fucking robots! As machines take on more human

:22:11.:22:14.

attributes, they become a threat to jobs, especially manual labour.

:22:15.:22:18.

There is this footage with the robustness of robots being assessed

:22:19.:22:21.

with cutting-edge scientific techniques.

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APPLAUSE When he was going out the door at

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the end I thought he was going off to kill that guy's family! Basically

:22:59.:23:04.

a ?10 million robot that burns the minimum wage. You know that his

:23:05.:23:09.

final destination is to wear a crown of gunge as he runs through some

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village playing Donald Trump's tweets through a tannoy on his face?

:23:15.:23:22.

Picking children who are 10 lbs or less. You survive! Anyway, drones

:23:23.:23:29.

are becoming part of our daily lives as their ability to perform multiple

:23:30.:23:34.

tasks increases. This shaky footage shows just what they are capable

:23:35.:23:35.

of... Good luck fucking that!

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LAUGHTER Now, the advance in technology also

:23:53.:23:56.

raises questions about human life itself, and if we are in fact real

:23:57.:23:59.

or part of a complex computer simulation.

:24:00.:24:02.

Billionaire founder of Tesla and real Bond villain Mr Musk has

:24:03.:24:08.

suggested we are real and are in fact living in a computer

:24:09.:24:14.

simulation. His ex-wife discusses this complex topic with Tim Lovejoy

:24:15.:24:19.

on Sunday brunch. I think if you look at the way video games have

:24:20.:24:23.

developed from when I was a kid, when it was blocks around the

:24:24.:24:28.

screen, to now when you have realistic player games where

:24:29.:24:31.

everyone can contribute, the direction we are moving in with

:24:32.:24:35.

virtual reality, soon you are not going to be able to tell reality

:24:36.:24:39.

from non-reality, and so once that hits, the likelihood that we already

:24:40.:24:44.

exist in a simulation becomes statistically much more likely

:24:45.:24:47.

because the odds of us being in reality is released slim. Tim? It

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makes you think, if I want to level up in the game, I should do

:24:57.:25:01.

something really outrageous and entertaining to impress our

:25:02.:25:06.

simulating overlords. What should we be doing to further ourselves? No

:25:07.:25:14.

idea. Speaking of which, you've no idea what I've been doing for the

:25:15.:25:15.

last five minutes! Is it alien? It's more like a base

:25:16.:25:32.

reality where they could create a simulated universe, and from that,

:25:33.:25:37.

the simulated universe would create another simulated universe, so if

:25:38.:25:40.

you accept that, the chances of us being the base reality get less.

:25:41.:25:50.

They created a computer game called Sim, and they started designing a

:25:51.:25:56.

game within the game who looked like Saints, and then another game inside

:25:57.:26:00.

it, whether people inside were living lives just like there's... I

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think I'm getting it. The screwed up thing about this is that all of

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these scientists who have been browbeating all of these

:26:10.:26:18.

fundamentalists, it's, like, yes, actually, intelligent design. We've

:26:19.:26:29.

been yelling at these people saying, somebody made it, just not a dude

:26:30.:26:37.

with a beard. The problem is when somebody mentally unsound things, I

:26:38.:26:44.

don't have to obey reality. Or somebody who lives like they are in

:26:45.:26:49.

Grand Theft Auto just because they've been watching Sunday Brunch.

:26:50.:26:57.

Do you not watch it?! That's we've got time for. That's the end of the

:26:58.:27:01.

series. We might all be dead in a week. Thanks to my guests, Sara

:27:02.:27:06.

Pascoe, Katherine Ryan, Romesh Ranganathan and Desiree Burch!

:27:07.:27:13.

But before I go, I'd like to leave you with this thought. The Russian

:27:14.:27:18.

hacking scandal continues to dominate the news, so let's have a

:27:19.:27:22.

think about Vladimir Putin. Vladimir Putin is a very clever man. In fact,

:27:23.:27:27.

he is so clever, I think the guy we see on TV, I don't think that's him.

:27:28.:27:32.

That's the front guy, the guy they put there to take the assassination

:27:33.:27:37.

attempts. Why would Putin, if he is so clever, be there himself? I think

:27:38.:27:42.

a Putin is a very old cobbler in St Petersburg, and once a week the

:27:43.:27:45.

Russians go down there and ask him what they should do, and he always

:27:46.:27:51.

insists on finishing the shoe he's working on...

:27:52.:27:59.

Invade Turkey. That's always kind of an awkward

:28:00.:28:09.

moment for me, because if no one laughs at the first shoe, I have to

:28:10.:28:12.

start making a second one... LAUGHTER

:28:13.:28:17.

But the second shoe is a real moment of crisis, because if nobody laughs

:28:18.:28:24.

there, why would they make a third? Art have to pretend he's kind of

:28:25.:28:28.

messed one of them up and had to start again, and that's beyond my

:28:29.:28:34.

abilities as a mime artist. -- I would have to pretend. Maybe in

:28:35.:28:37.

Siberia somewhere there is a lumberjack living in the middle of

:28:38.:28:41.

nowhere with a big white wolf, and that Wolf is Vladimir Putin. Or,

:28:42.:28:47.

what is the photo you always see Vladimir Putin? He is naked from the

:28:48.:28:51.

waist up riding a horse. Perhaps he is trying to prepare us for the fact

:28:52.:28:56.

that he is a centaur. One day you will switch on the news and there

:28:57.:28:59.

will be Vladimir Putin galloping into the United Nations and taking a

:29:00.:29:08.

two-minute long kiss. He tapped out a message with his hoof until

:29:09.:29:11.

somebody points out that he has a mouth that can speak. He says he

:29:12.:29:15.

doesn't care and this is what the message is -- the message will say

:29:16.:29:26.

when he finishes it. An advisor will say, Vladimir, you are not a

:29:27.:29:29.

centaur, you are an old cobbler, a cobbler who is losing his mind and

:29:30.:29:34.

happens to be running the world. The old cobbler doesn't answer because

:29:35.:29:37.

he is flirting with the woman's torso that he has stitched onto a

:29:38.:29:43.

dead horse that. Of course the old man doesn't have the strength to

:29:44.:29:51.

stitch anything onto a debt horse so here's actually flicking with a

:29:52.:29:58.

Pella that his advisor has left on a labrador. So his advisor goes back

:29:59.:30:03.

to try to make sense of the orders he has received, unaware that he is

:30:04.:30:07.

and has always been Vladimir Putin. Good night.

:30:08.:30:15.

Following the successful Scottish Referendum, Election and American Autopsy specials for BBC iPlayer, Frankie Boyle returns to BBC2 with his New World Order to help make sense of the bewildering world we live in.

In a time where Donald Trump can be president, who better to dissect the week's news than Frankie Boyle. The show features Frankie at his brilliant best doing stand-up, review, discussion and audience interaction - all in an attempt to make sense of what's going on around us.