Episode 6 Gavin and Stacey


Episode 6

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Tea. I got some bacon on, d'you want a sandwich or will you have your fag first?

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Oh, I'll take the sandwich.

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Tidy.

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-So how you feelin', all right?

-Yeah.

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-Excited, I am. I can't wait to be honest.

-You're going through with it then?

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-No more rows on the doorstep or nothin'?

-Mum! Tell him!

-What?!

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Jason, stop winding her up, you know we're not to talk about the row.

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-It was a little blip.

-MOBILE RINGS

-Didn't sound like a blip to me.

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Hola Jose, Como estas?

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I hope people aren't going to go on about it, Mum.

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We made up and that's all that matters.

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I know I've been engaged a lot but this is my first actual wedding day, isn't it?

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I remember my first wedding day.

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I woke up in Vegas. Didn't know where I was.

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-Looked round, I was in bed with two of Gladys Knight's Pips.

-Where was your husband?

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I don't know. I still don't know to this day, that annulment cost me a fortune.

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DOOR OPENS # I'm getting married in the morning

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# Ding dong the bells are going to chime

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# Pull out the stopper

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# Let's have a whopper

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-# But get me to the

-Church on time. #

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-Morning.

-Good morning.

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Aw, Mum, these are SO lush, look at the little bridesmaids' ones!

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You don't have to do anything to them, they've been treated.

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Well, I'll just put them upstairs out the way.

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Right, I'm going to jump in the shower.

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Yeah, come on, Ness, I've gotta put my veil on.

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-Yeah, me too.

-You're not wearing a veil.

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What?!

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LAUGHTER

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-What you doin'?

-Ey, ey, ey, ey!

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This ain't for you. You're not seeing any of this till the speech.

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About the speech, it's not too long, is it?

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If it's half as good as I know it is, it won't be long enough, they'll be calling for more.

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I did it for Gary and Simon. Absolutely rinsed themselves. I'm going to bang this in the car.

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Mate, it's going to be all right, innit?

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-What?

-She's going to turn up, isn't she, after the row and that?

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Come on, get sat down. What's this?

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Pre-match nerves, eh?

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Silly sausage.

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Now look, no-one wants this marriage to fail more than I do.

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But I look at you, I look at her, you're like two peas in a bag.

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Stop your nonsense, all right?

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Here, I know what'll cheer you up.

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KNOCKING

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Pamelar! Good moaning.

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-What's all this?

-Just a bag full of comedy gold.

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I'll be back in a minute, mate.

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You look lovely, Mum.

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House of Fraser.

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Hat cost more than the suit.

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Come here, sweetheart, let me do that.

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It only seems like yesterday I was putting your school tie straight!

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Thanks, Mum.

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I'll be getting through these today.

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-Oh, Gwen. You got my sling?

-Yeah. It's all in here.

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-You're looking lovely, Ness, very nice.

-Don't start, Bryn.

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You had your chance, you never took it.

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Come on, we gotta get going. See you down there.

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-You ready?

-Yeah.

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Give us a drag of that.

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You're fine.

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SHOUTING AND CHEERING

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THEY GREET EACH OTHER NOISILY

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Er, this is Smithy.

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Smithy, this is Jase, Stacey's brother.

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-And this is his partner, Jose.

-Hello, how are you?

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-Right, have a good one!

-Cheers, cheers.

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-If I was gay, I think I'd like to be like him.

-Yeah, me too.

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You?!

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-Well, you'd have to lose a bit of weight.

-Why?

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-Well, fat gays are like outcasts.

-No, they're not!

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Dale Winton, Graham Norton, George Michael, who's not in their gang?

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-Russell Grant.

-Russell Grant's not gay!

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-He is fat though.

-Don't do it, Gav!

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You'll regret it for the rest of your life! Look at me!

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He regrets it! I bloody regret it!

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See what I have to put up with? It ain't worth it.

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-Stay single.

-Do you know what, Pete?

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If it's so bad, why don't you just leave?

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I had me bag packed three weeks ago but it wasn't me

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on the doorstep shouting, "Come back, come back, what about the kids!"

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We'll have our work cut out with them two today!

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Now, there's something I gotta give you.

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But I won't give it to you if you don't want it.

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What? What is it?

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It's from your father it is.

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Now what it is, he wrote it three weeks before he died with

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strict instructions to give it to you on your wedding day.

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I can't.

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Do you want me to read it to you?

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"Dear Stacey..."

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You want me to do it in your father's voice? With the lisp and everything?

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Right. OK.

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"Dear Stacey, if you are reading this it must be your wedding day,

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"but if it is not and Bryn has just left it lying around, then tell him

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"he's a waste of space and could never be trusted to do anything properly.

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"When I think back to the day you were born,

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"I was the happiest man on the planet.

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"I won't lie to you, Stace, and I'm not ashamed to say it but I cried.

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"Buckets.

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"And I never imagined in a million years

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"that I wouldn't be with you on your wedding day,

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"walking you down the aisle and

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"giving you away.

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"I tell you what, whoever he is, he's the luckiest man alive!

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"I'm so sorry I'm not there for you today, Stace,

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"not in body anyway, but I'll be there in spirit.

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"And please remember,

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"that whenever you need me,

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"I'll be listening...

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"..cos you'll never stop being my beautiful baby girl.

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"Have a wonderful day, my darling.

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"I love you always. Dad."

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# If I lay here

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# If I just lay here

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# Would you lie with me and just forget the world? #

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-You all right?

-Yeah.

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-You're absolutely sure about this because...

-Yeah.

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# Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

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# Let's waste time

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# Chasing cars

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# Around our heads

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# If I lay here

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# If I just lay here

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# Would you lie with me and just forget the world

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# Forget what we're told

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# Before we get too old

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# Show me a garden that's bursting into life. #

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CHEERING AND MUSIC

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-Oh, my God! "Mrs Shipman"!

-I know! I am!

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Well done. My beautiful "daughter-in-law"!

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Congratulations. Tidy.

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-Come here.

-Oh.

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You just got married. That is disgusting.

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Are we all right to follow you, Mick?

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Yeah, yeah... hang on a minute. Smithy!

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-Michael!

-You got those maps?

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-Shit!

-Are you kiddin' me?

-You pube!

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They're at Lucy's. She was colouring them in.

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-What's the matter?

-He's forgotten the maps! How will we get there?

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-We're supposed to sit down at three!

-Right, right! Not a problem.

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Two words, sat nav. Everybody, follow me!

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Fantastic. That's the spirit, Bryn-o.

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Come on, baby!

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That is cracking.

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The thing is, Griff, I feel a fool. I bought that sat nav in good faith.

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But it plainly doesn't work. That journey should be ten minutes, it took us well over an hour.

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Those hors d'oeuvres were supposed to be hot.

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Where did you get it, the sat nav?

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-Dic Powell.

-Ah, well, you've only got yourself to blame.

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I know, I know, he's tricky.

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Smile!

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He gets away with it because of the language barrier.

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OK, friends of the groom.

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Friends of the groom! Friends of the groom, guys.

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And hold it!

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That is cracking. OK, now we just need one of the best man and the maid of honour.

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ALL: Wahey!

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All right, leave it out.

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Come on, you two, get a bit closer together.

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-Put your arm round her, Smithy.

-No, you're all right.

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Bear with me.

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-How's it going?

-OK, I'm glad you brought it up.

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I've got a girlfriend people here know.

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-I'd appreciate...

-Where to's she now then?

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-What?

-Where to's she now?

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Right. Either speak English or learn Welsh.

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-"Where to's she"... D'you mean where is she now?

-Yeah.

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-Say that, then.

-Where is she now?

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Sixth formers' netball tournament in Southend.

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-She's wing attack.

-All right, guys, here we go.

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Big smiles.

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Cracking.

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Now, don't go drinking too much tonight, Stace.

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There's nothing worse than a pissed-up bride at her own wedding.

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-What's that supposed to mean?

-You know what I mean.

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I was not that drunk, was I, Pammy?

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Well, no, but you'd had a few.

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Any wonder, knowing I was going to spend the rest of my life married to that!

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I could've brought the waiter in to consummate the marriage. She wouldn't have known!

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You've been a right nasty bastard today, Pete, you know?

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Mr and Mrs Shipman.

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-I mean, that's bad luck by anyone's standards.

-What now?

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Well, she lives for the day she can change her name from West, what

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with all the connotations and what have you, and what does she become?

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A Shipman.

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Oh, that's very unfortunate.

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-I don't know which is worse.

-Surely Shipman!

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Well, it's six of one, and half a dozen of the other.

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It was more than half a dozen, Griff! It was in the hundreds!

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Hiya, I'm Louise.

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Craig. People call me Fingers.

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What should I call you?

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Call me what you like.

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CHEERING AND CLAPPING

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-Oh, be quiet, will ya?

-Oh, shut up, don't drink too much.

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I'm feeling bad enough as it is, now you...

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Shut up. Shut up!

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-Where's your boyfriend today, then?

-I wouldn't let him come.

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-Why not?

-He refused to go to the church service.

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I said, "You can't just turn up at the reception without seeing the actual wedding."

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And d'you know what he said?

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He said, "The only church you'll ever get me inside is Charlotte."

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THEY LAUGH

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It is out of order, though, innit?

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Unforgivable.

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Drink your drink.

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-Pam, I'm going to have to go.

-What?

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It's Pete. He has been eyein' up every girl in this room.

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And young girls. I mean really young, really, really young.

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Oh, come on! He's only human.

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I catch my Mick doin' that all the time. We're all animals, Dawn.

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I know. But I just feel like I'm not enough for him any more, Pam.

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I mean, sex-wise, we're at an all-time low.

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We were in a car park in Basildon last week, flashing the headlights,

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no-one come over. I just want to be involved.

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I feel like he's looking at these girls, he's not thinking "menage," he's thinking "hello."

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Can I suggest something?

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Have you thought about role-play?

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Cos when my Trevor was alive, it did us wonders. Saved our marriage, if truth be told.

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Oh, tell me about it.

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I mean, I'm lucky, I am.

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My Mick, he's open to anything. I mean, really mucky stuff.

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Even when we do Charles and Camilla, he's first on with the ears.

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TAPPING ON GLASS

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Can I have your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen!

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Calm down, we'll get to my speech in a minute.

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First you got to listen to these borin' bastards!

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I'm only dickin' around.

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Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my best mate, who lost his virginity

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between two wheelie bins at my mum's house in 1993... Mr Gavin Shipman!

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CHEERING

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Thanks, Smith, for that glowing character reference.

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Well, I'll keep this short.

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Like your knob!

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Sorry.

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If someone had told me three months ago that I'd be standing

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here today a married man, I'd have thought they were mad.

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Or really, really drunk.

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But nine weeks ago, I met Stacey for the first time

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and it's changed everything.

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Cos I remember people saying to me,

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"You'll know when you meet the one."

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And I'd always think "how?"

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And I just didn't believe them.

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But the minute I met you, Stacey, I did know.

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And I suddenly understood what they were on about.

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And it's something I can't even put into words, how I feel right now.

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All I can say is you're beautiful

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and you're funny

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and you're kind

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and there's just something in me that tells me I'm going to be with you and look after you forever.

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Cos I love you, baby.

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And that's just the way it is.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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please raise a glass to my beautiful wife. Stacey.

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ALL: Stacey!

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Now, I'll hand you over to my best friend and best man, Smithy,

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who has apparently prepared a blinder of a speech...

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Smithy.

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CLAPPING AND CHEERING

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(Mate.)

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Right. Sorry.

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First of all, I'd like to raise a toast...

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All right!

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I'll never forget...

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I'll never forget when me and Gav was at the football and we was eating these hot dogs...

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Smithy, it's all right, darling. Smithy, come on.

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Gavin and Stacey, ladies and gentlemen!

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ALL: Gavin and Stacey!

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How's he doing, all right?

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He's all right. He's stopped crying.

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-It's such a shame. Cos that meal was gorgeous, and the starter...

-Beautiful.

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Yeah! And I've got to be honest, I wasn't expecting it to be so good.

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But that woman, the widow, what's her name?

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-Gwen.

-I mean, she's obviously spent a fortune.

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-And you can't fault that.

-Well, actually...

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-What?

-No...

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-Go on.

-No.

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Pam?

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Well, we paid for everything.

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-I said that!

-Everything except for the dress.

-Oh, here we go.

0:18:410:18:45

Why didn't you just announce it?

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It's only when she's getting all the credit.

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-Everyone all right?

-Hey.

-Hiya.

-Hi.

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Testing. One, two. One, two. Testing.

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-Ever seen one of these?

-What?

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No film in there. Digital.

0:19:100:19:13

You're going to turn my little sister into an Essex girl, are you, Gav?

0:19:130:19:16

Well, hopefully not, but yeah, we're going to live at Mum and Dad's

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for a bit, save some money, then try and get a place.

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I never thought I'd see the day when you moved out of Barry.

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-Oh, it's not going to be that bad, we'll be coming home every weekend.

-What?

0:19:240:19:29

No, maybe like once a month or something.

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Well, I'm coming back every weekend.

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There he is! Best man.

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Don't start, mate. I messed up, all right? Let's move on.

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-I'm having a nightmare.

-What?

0:19:430:19:44

Getting people to sign this wedding book.

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It's like an albatross round my neck.

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When people were eating it was fine, but now they're up and about, there's no cohesion.

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-Griff's signed it three times.

-I've signed it twice.

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I've got night mode,

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black and white, use that later, probably, for effect.

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Uh, sepia, sepia, sepia?

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I don't know how you say it.

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I've got a feeling it's faulty.

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Just makes everything go brown.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please gather round. The bride and groom are now going to take their first dance.

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CHEERING

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# Put your head against my life What do you hear?

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# A million words just trying to make the love song of the year

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# Close your eyes but don't forget what you have heard

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# A man who's trying to say three words, words that make me scared.

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# A million love songs later

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# Here I am trying to tell you that I care

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# A million love songs later... #

0:21:120:21:17

Uncle Bryn?

0:21:200:21:22

You all right?

0:21:220:21:24

Yes, thank you.

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Oh, great day, isn't it?

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Best day of my life.

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Look...

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-Can we talk about what happened?

-I'd rather not.

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On the fishing trip...

0:21:390:21:42

I never told anyone, y'know.

0:21:420:21:45

And besides, it wasn't a big deal,

0:21:450:21:47

lots of people do it. It's not against the law.

0:21:470:21:50

Jason, please. How can I ever forget that look on your face?

0:21:500:21:54

You gotta let it go, Uncle Bryn!

0:21:540:21:56

You are a great man.

0:21:580:22:00

You are. And you're a fantastic uncle.

0:22:000:22:04

And you did us all proud today.

0:22:040:22:07

Thank you very much.

0:22:070:22:10

-You coming in?

-In a bit.

0:22:110:22:14

Right, we got a special treat for you now, ladies and gentlemen, from the mother of the groom.

0:22:250:22:30

So big hand for...Pat!

0:22:300:22:32

It's Pam, actually.

0:22:330:22:34

All right, chill out, love. It's Pam.

0:22:340:22:37

Go on, Pammy!

0:22:370:22:39

# You're just too good to be true

0:22:420:22:46

# Can't take my eyes off you

0:22:460:22:49

# You feel like heaven to touch

0:22:490:22:53

# I want to hold you so much

0:22:530:22:57

# At long last love has arrived... #

0:22:580:23:01

Hi.

0:23:010:23:03

I'm Captain Mark...Overmars.

0:23:030:23:08

I've just flown in on the red-eye.

0:23:080:23:10

I got an eight-hour turnaround,

0:23:100:23:13

I'm here for one night and one night only.

0:23:130:23:16

Ooh...God.

0:23:170:23:20

It must be...very...hard up there?

0:23:210:23:28

All that,

0:23:280:23:30

you know, pressure.

0:23:300:23:32

You must really need to unwind.

0:23:320:23:37

So, shall we go somewhere

0:23:370:23:41

and have it off?

0:23:410:23:43

No!

0:23:430:23:45

Pete, he wouldn't say that.

0:23:450:23:49

He'd woo me, you idiot. He'd at least buy me a ... drink.

0:23:490:23:53

I'm trying my best! Dawn!!

0:23:550:23:57

# I love you baby

0:24:090:24:12

# And if it's quite all right I want you baby

0:24:120:24:15

# To warm my lonely night

0:24:150:24:17

# I love you baby Trust in me when I say

0:24:170:24:24

# Oh pretty baby Don't bring me down I pray

0:24:240:24:30

# Oh pretty baby Now that I've found you stay

0:24:300:24:34

# Oh pretty baby... #

0:24:340:24:35

Nessa?

0:24:350:24:37

-What?

-How comes you're not smoking?

-Oh, I just put one out.

0:24:370:24:41

No, you never. I haven't seen you smoking all day.

0:24:410:24:44

And there's no Bacardi in there. What's going on?

0:24:460:24:49

Leave it, Stace.

0:24:490:24:51

-Nessa!

-I said leave it.

0:24:540:24:56

That was fabulous.

0:25:020:25:03

Yep.

0:25:030:25:05

Whoa! High five.

0:25:090:25:13

Ness!

0:25:130:25:14

You're pregnant, aren't you?

0:25:170:25:18

-But you told me you wasn't.

-I know.

0:25:200:25:23

You said you went to the doctor and he said it was all clear.

0:25:230:25:26

-Why didn't you tell me?

-Cos I didn't want to spoil your day.

0:25:280:25:31

Oh, come 'ere...

0:25:310:25:33

-What you going to do?

-I dunno.

0:25:390:25:41

Well, you've gotta to tell Smithy.

0:25:410:25:43

I just can't believe it, Stace.

0:25:430:25:45

Of all the people I've slept with, it's him gets me pregnant.

0:25:450:25:49

Not Nigel Havers, not John Prescott, not any of Goldie Lookin' Chain.

0:25:490:25:53

No, some knob-head from Essex.

0:25:530:25:54

You've still gotta tell him.

0:25:540:25:56

Nessa?

0:25:580:25:59

All right.

0:25:590:26:01

Promise?

0:26:010:26:03

Promise you'll tell him tonight? Cos you don't know when you'll see him next.

0:26:030:26:07

All right.

0:26:070:26:09

Come on.

0:26:110:26:13

We're missing the Grease Medley.

0:26:130:26:15

# Those su-u-mmer

0:26:190:26:25

# Ni-ights!

0:26:250:26:29

# Tell me more, tell me mo-re. #

0:26:290:26:37

-You ready, babe? Car's here.

-OK.

0:26:440:26:48

I'll always be here for you, y'know?

0:26:500:26:53

Cheers, Stace.

0:26:530:26:55

Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin and Tracey are about to leave, so let's give 'em a good Welsh send off.

0:26:570:27:03

# Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away... #

0:27:030:27:07

CHEERING

0:27:070:27:10

# If you can use some exotic booze there's a bar in far Bombay

0:27:100:27:17

# Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away

0:27:170:27:23

# Come fly with me Let's float down to Peru

0:27:240:27:30

# In llama land there's a one-man band

0:27:300:27:35

# And he'll toot his flute for you

0:27:350:27:38

# Come fly with me Let's take off in the blue... #

0:27:380:27:42

-We did it then.

-I know. It's brilliant.

0:27:420:27:46

Come here, Mrs Shipman.

0:27:470:27:50

# ..We'll just glide starry-eyed

0:27:530:27:59

# Once I get you up there I'll be holding you... #

0:27:590:28:04

Smithy?

0:28:060:28:07

Yeah?

0:28:080:28:09

What?

0:28:150:28:17

Don't matter.

0:28:180:28:20

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