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-No way, you and Mark finally broke up? -Yeah, last week. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
-Well, now you're single, you can have some fun. -I've already started! | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
-You little minx! -Come on who was it? Was he fit? | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
Kind of, yeah. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:12 | |
He's about five-eleven, good teeth, slightly wonky eyes, thin hair. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:17 | |
He sounds vile. How drunk were you? | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
I was pretty pissed, actually. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
I just recall waking up in his weird house | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
and meeting his freaky friends. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
This programme contains adult behaviour and some strong language | 0:00:28 | 0:00:34 | |
Morning. Can I get you some breakfast? | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
-Argh! -No, I won't suck you off, Louis Walsh! | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
What's going on? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
There's a strange man in your room. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
No, he's all right. He's just here to take our breakfast order, eh, Eddie? | 0:00:43 | 0:00:48 | |
That's right, Don. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:49 | |
Plus, I just gave him a quick bed bath. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:51 | |
He does tend to get a bit pongy after intercourse. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
-Argh! -Argh! | 0:00:54 | 0:00:55 | |
'And if that wasn't bad enough, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
'I was getting out of his shower when suddenly...' | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
Argh! | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
All right? | 0:01:01 | 0:01:02 | |
The toilet's blocked. Dickhead won't pay to get it fixed. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:07 | |
Oh, get me out of here. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
'And then the strangest thing...' | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
Oh. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:12 | |
Ah, let me guess, you slept with Don, woke up to find an overgrown baby sat on the edge of the bed | 0:01:12 | 0:01:18 | |
offering you some breakfast and then met an old lady who looks surprisingly similar to Gollum, | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
probably doing something incredibly vile? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Urgh. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
SHE GIGGLES | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
No doubt she'll be ringing me up soon, requesting another session with the quim ninja. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
Erm, she didn't look like a returner, to me. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Wait... | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
-Has there ever been a returner? -Oh, you're so evil, Samantha. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:46 | |
Oh, poor Donald. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
If it's any consolation, I think I'm just as bad with relationships as you are. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:52 | |
Right, I'm going to go for a bath, before uni. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
-Is the hot water back on, Eddie? -Oh, you betsy. Fixed the boiler last night. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
Must tackle the loo next. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Eddie, what have I told you about coming into my bedroom when I've got a chicklet in there? | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
Try to wash you very, very quietly? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:08 | |
Exactly. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:09 | |
There is a massive shit in the bathtub! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Gollum went poo-poo! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:18 | |
Ah, Christmas. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:39 | |
The time for the sharing and giving. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
Families together. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
And, of course, Santa. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Well, two Santas... | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
..beating the crap out of each other. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:54 | |
Yep, that's me. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
You probably want to know what's going on. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
Let me take you back a few weeks, to the beginning of December. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:10 | |
Guess what I've just got a job as? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
Erm... | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
-Elvis impersonator? -No. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
-A lap dancer? -God, no. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
-Roller skating waitress in a 1950s themed restaurant? -That's a good one! | 0:03:19 | 0:03:24 | |
No! I'm the local community centre's new Santa Claus. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:28 | |
No, I don't see it. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
What happened to Greg Pitcher? He's been doing Santa for years. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
-Oh no, poor Mr Pitcher can't do it this year. -How come? | 0:03:34 | 0:03:38 | |
I can't remember. I think he's got a cold or something. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:42 | |
Oh no, that's it! He was caught having sexual intercourse with a child. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
Hang on, what about Gollum? | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
I thought you were meant to be looking after her. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Oh no, that's the great thing, I get to bring her along. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
All right? | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
The kids adore her! | 0:04:02 | 0:04:07 | |
Argh! It's a massive rat! | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
-They give her all kind of pet names. -Eddie I'm hungry, make me dinner. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:17 | |
Now, Dot, that's not really the way to ask, now is it? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:21 | |
Oh, BLEEP off, you BLEEPing BLEEPing BLEEP. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
I'm telling you, she is getting worse. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:26 | |
I have never met an old person like her. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:30 | |
-You know, the other day she asked me if I used a vibrator. -Eugh! | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
Do you? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:34 | |
-That is not the point. -What is the point? | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
-She asked if she could borrow it. -Oh! | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
-And did she? -Oh you! | 0:04:41 | 0:04:41 | |
'I'm still crazy about Sam. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
'I'm starting to think I've missed my opportunity.' | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
I don't know what's wrong with me. I use to be so confident. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
But with Sam, I'm just nervous she's going to knock me back. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
What do you think? | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
I think they're too small, can I try the size 9s? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
Certainly, sir. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
'I started working in a shoe shop about a month ago. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:05 | |
'The art galley closed down, so I had to get a proper job. And it sucks.' | 0:05:05 | 0:05:09 | |
Urgh! You couldn't just have worn some socks? | 0:05:12 | 0:05:13 | |
But I hate wearing foot shoes. I like to let my toes breathe. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
'I hate everything about this job, especially my boss.' | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
Don. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Can I have a word, please? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
'Oh no, Jason's not my boss, not any more, anyway.' | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
-Do you want to grab some lunch? -Oh, yes, please. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
Hello, where do you think you're going, Pops? | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
'This is my boss.' | 0:05:33 | 0:05:34 | |
-Oh, lunch. -It's 12.59. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
-Yeah, lunch is at one. -It's not one, though, is it? It's 12.59. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:41 | |
I think someone's overdue to know the difference. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
Right. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Off you scoot. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
And I'd try avoiding the carbs. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
I know what people your age are like for napping in the afternoon. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
Why do you keep calling me old? We're practically the same age. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
I don't think so, Gramps. I'm 24, what are you, 40? | 0:06:00 | 0:06:04 | |
I'm 29! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
Ha! | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
-All right I'm 30...something. -Yeah. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
'Jason also got a job in the shopping centre. He is the manager of a posh supermarket.' | 0:06:15 | 0:06:20 | |
I miss the art gallery. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
We used to have such a laugh, didn't we? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Don, you were the bane of my life. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
Oh, thanks, Jace! | 0:06:26 | 0:06:27 | |
'I never would have predicted it, but we've become good friends.' | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
Where are you going to be this Christmas? | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
-Just at home on my own, I guess. -That's depressing. -Yeah. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
-Do you always spend it alone? -No, not always. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Merry Christmas, Mr Homeless Man. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
Merry Christmas, Don. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
Ooh, somebody's had too much! | 0:06:48 | 0:06:49 | |
No, no turkey this year, but I've got a lovely big ham. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
I'm afraid you are just for Christmas. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
-So you still not made a move on Sam yet? -No. -Why? | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
Her and Brian broke up ages ago. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
Oh, we're getting on really well at the moment. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
I don't want to balls it up...again. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
I'm waiting for the right moment. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
A little advice - don't dilly-dally too long. Sam's a beautiful woman. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
Someone else will get in there if you don't hurry up. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
'So, life was pretty shit - 30-something, single, terrible job and I live with this.' | 0:07:15 | 0:07:22 | |
This cup of tea tastes of BLEEPing BLEEP! | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
Dorothy Treacher, if you continue acting like a child, I shall put you across my knee. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:30 | |
Oh BLEEP this BLEEP, I'm going for a bath. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
What the hell? | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
Eddie, don't you think it's time we put Treacher in a home? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
No, you can't do that, they're awful. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Hey, you're insulting one of the places Eddie works, Missy. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
Sorry, Eddie. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
No, that's all right, I agree with you. That's why I mainly do home visits. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:48 | |
It upsets me to see the elderly being thrown out by their families, like they're being tossed in a bin. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:52 | |
Come on, Eddie, she's getting out of hand. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
-Try and get her in an old people's bin. -Don! -Sorry. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:59 | |
-Try and get her in an old people's bin, please. -That's better. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
-There's no hot water. -Oh, not again. I've only just fixed the boiler. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:07 | |
-How am I meant to have a bath? -I'm sorry, Dot, you will have to... | 0:08:07 | 0:08:11 | |
Oh, dear God! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
Dorothy, put some clothes on immediately. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
Why? Too arousing for you? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
BLEEP. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:23 | |
I can't believe I just saw Gollum's ning-ning. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
I can't believe she's got a Brazilian! | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
I think it might be time to get rid of the old boiler. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
That's what I have been saying, she's nuts in the mind. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
What? No, I'm talking about the boiler - the pressure vessel for heating water. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:36 | |
-Oh, right. -Yeah, come on, landlord, step up to your responsibilities. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:41 | |
Excuse me, but do you know how much a boiler costs these days? | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
No, how much? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:45 | |
No I'm asking, do you know how much? Because I've already got to fork out for the toilet, | 0:08:45 | 0:08:50 | |
the roof's leaking, the whole place is falling apart and I'm skint. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
I'm telling you, I'm going to need a miracle. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
-What's that? -This morning's post. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
Oh, will you please put some clothes on? | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
It's like a large pale raisin's walking about the place. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
Oh God. I think it's from my solicitors, Smith and Bitchman. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
How can you tell? | 0:09:12 | 0:09:13 | |
-Well, it says it's from my solicitors, Smith and Bitchman. -Oh. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:18 | |
Great just what I need. More bad news about the house. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:22 | |
John Bon Jesus! | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
-What is it? -Is it bad? | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
It says I'm up-to-date on all payments and if I so wish, I can sell the house. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
Woo-hoo! | 0:09:38 | 0:09:39 | |
I'm rich! | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
I'm stinking filthy rich. Woo-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha! | 0:09:41 | 0:09:46 | |
See you later, you rotting, falling apart, pathetic excuse of a house. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:50 | |
I'm off. I'm out of here. Woo-hoo! | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
# Baby, you're a rich man | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
# Baby you're a rich man | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
# Baby, you're a rich man, too! | 0:09:57 | 0:10:02 | |
# Be a rich man, baby You're a rich man, baby... # | 0:10:02 | 0:10:07 | |
-What? -Enjoying yourself? | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
You're not really going to sell, are you, Don? | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
No, you're right, Eddie, what was I thinking? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
Why would I want to make thousands of pounds, | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
when I could just stay here and live in this shithole? | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
Congratulations, Don, I'm really happy for you. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
This is it, Eddie. Next year's going to be my year, I can feel it. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Getting rid of the dead wood - the house, Treacher... | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
This bit of dead wood. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Right, remember to speak to the old people's home, yeah? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
# Baby, you're a rich man Baby, you're a rich man. # | 0:10:38 | 0:10:43 | |
We are pretty full now, but there is a space coming up on Christmas Eve for Dorothy. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
Not normally a great time for people. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
No. No, that's great. Thank you, Belinda. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:54 | |
Hey, don't be so down, she'll be fine here. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
Oh no, I'm fine, honestly. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
'But I wasn't fine, I felt like I was losing everyone. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
'Darn it, Eddie, you forgot the first rule of caring - | 0:11:03 | 0:11:07 | |
'never get too close to them - and, boy, did I get too close.' | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
SILENCE | 0:11:11 | 0:11:15 | |
What are you doing? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
SILENCE | 0:11:16 | 0:11:17 | |
Oh, am I doing the mouth thing again? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
Sorry, that's just a bad habit I picked up from my friend, Don. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
'While Eddie was sorting out Treacher's new home, I went to see a property developer. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:30 | |
'My solicitors told me it would be more profitable | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
'than if I just sold it through an estate agent.' | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
SILENCE | 0:11:34 | 0:11:39 | |
Eh, you do realise you're just mouthing words, right? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:43 | |
Oh, sorry, yeah I do that sometimes. I find it hard to think and speak at the same time. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
Right. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:50 | |
So let me tell you exactly what we do here, Don. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:54 | |
'Eddie wasn't too happy about this, though. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:55 | |
'He's worried about what they might do to the house.' | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
He told me to be... | 0:11:58 | 0:11:59 | |
easily won over by whatever they are going to offer you. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
Find out what they are going to do with it, first. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
It's a beautiful building. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
Please don't forget that. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Let me cut to the chase, Don. We're willing to pay twice what you'd get. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:12 | |
-I'm in, where do I sign? -What? Really? | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
God, I'm good. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
That was easy. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:18 | |
I mean, normally people get a bit put off when they hear we're knocking down their beautiful home | 0:12:18 | 0:12:24 | |
and replacing it with an ugly-looking block of ugly-looking flats. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:28 | |
You are doing what now? | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
Nothing. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
So let's wrap this deal up ASAP and then we can get you that lovely large sum of money. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:41 | |
-How does that sound, Don? -Oh, yes, please. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
SILENCE | 0:12:43 | 0:12:47 | |
You know you're doing it now? | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
Am I? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
Shit. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:53 | |
Right, do you want the good news or the bad news first? | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
Always best to end on a positive. Let's have the bad news first. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
The good news is, on January 2, I'm going to have lots of gorgeous money entering my bank account. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:07 | |
Oh! And the bad news? | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
Well, the bad news is, they're grrldddtt the house. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
Sorry? What? | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
They're going to ock down the house. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
No, didn't catch that. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:18 | |
They're going to ock down the house. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
Don, for some reason I can't seem to understand what you're saying. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
-They're going to knock down the house! -Oh, Don. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
It turns out Costner was wrong all along. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
It is, "If you knock it down, they will come." | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
You BLEEPing idiot. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
-Look, it's my house, OK? -She's talking to the telly, Don, not you. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
It's Deal Or No Deal, it always gets her in a tizzle. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
Oh, yeah, look, he's saying no to a seven grand offer. Idiot! | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
Not him. The other one. There! | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
That's Noel Edmonds, the presenter. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
I know, look at him. BLEEPing idiot! | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
Don, seeing as Dorothy's going to be leaving us on Christmas Eve, | 0:13:54 | 0:13:59 | |
what do you about us all going out for a farewell dinner tonight? | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 | |
I've heard about this fantastic new steak house, called Meat Freaks. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
-You know, for people who are freaks for meat. -OK. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:11 | |
'I could tell Sam was annoyed with me. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
'I thought I'd better smooth things over.' | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Do you hate me? | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
Of course I don't. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:19 | |
I just think you could have looked at other options first, but it's your house. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
-They've offered me a lot of money. -I know and I am happy for you. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:28 | |
I guess I'm just sad to see the old place go. I'm going to miss it. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
Hey, Zeus! I never thought I'd say that! | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
-You could move in with me to my next place. -What? | 0:14:38 | 0:14:42 | |
Yeah, why not, until you finish your last term? | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
We wouldn't have to put up with the Krankies any more. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
Oh, I'm going to be miss being part of the Addams Family. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:52 | |
Do you think that we'd get on, though? I mean, just the two of us? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:57 | |
-Get IT on, more like. -Don! -What? | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
-I thought you were being serious, then. -I was. I am. I'm sorry! Oh. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:06 | |
'Smooth, eh?' | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
Oh, that's won-tabulous! We'll see you at 2000 hours, then. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:14 | |
Toodle-pip! | 0:15:14 | 0:15:15 | |
That's great. Table for five booked at Meat Freaks. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:19 | |
I'd better get you into some gladrags, Dorothy - excited? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:23 | |
Good. Thought you'd appreciate that. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:29 | |
'That night, we all went out for Treacher's farewell dinner.' | 0:15:29 | 0:15:33 | |
-Hi, we have a reservation? -Name? | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
-Edward Janet Singh. -Ah, yes, follow me, sir. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
Was she just wearing stockings? | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
This is a strange restaurant. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
-Hi, guys, what can I get you? -Erm... | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Steaks all round? | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
-I'm afraid we don't do food. -This is Meat Freaks, isn't it? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:09 | |
Certainly is! What is it, are we not all freaky enough for you? | 0:16:09 | 0:16:14 | |
Hang on, do you mean meat freaks, as in, | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
-let's go and meet some freaks? -You've got it. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
We're the number one nightspot for celebrating the weird and wonderful. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:26 | |
-You thought this was a steakhouse! -I'll let you decide on your ord-... | 0:16:26 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh! Where did you get the massive rat? | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
Freaky! (I like it!) | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
I should have known, he's done this sort of thing before. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:42 | |
The other week, it was Chicks With Dicks. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
-Surely that was obvious? -Turns out it was a nightclub where women | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
are only allowed in with someone called Richard. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
Hang on, you actually wanted it to be chicks with dicks? | 0:16:51 | 0:16:55 | |
Right, so I'm assuming we all want to go somewhere else, right? | 0:16:55 | 0:16:59 | |
Hang on a minute. I didn't say I wanted to go, did I? | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
-It is Dorothy's farewell. -OK. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:08 | |
Hey, what's the worst that could happen? | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
UPBEAT TRUMPET WITH MUTE PLAYS | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
It's weird, being in a club and not being hit on by any dickheads. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:37 | |
It's a compliment. People come here to meet someone strange. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:41 | |
Exhibit A. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:42 | |
-You didn't come out hoping to meet someone, did you? -Of course not. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:47 | |
But it's Christmas! It's a bit shit being single this time of year. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:52 | |
Anyway, I'm going to go for a Francis of Apee-pee. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
Oh, and yes, Don, I would love another drink, thank you(!) | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
Well? Surely now's your moment? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
-Really? -She's practically begging for a boyfriend. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:06 | |
-I didn't get that. -Are you an idiot? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
No, Jason, and it hurts my feelings you even asking. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
That's it, I give up. Clearly you don't like her as much as you say. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:16 | |
You not pulled yet, Gollum? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:19 | |
I would have thought they'd love you! | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
You may be surprised, but I prefer the conventional type. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:25 | |
-You know - handsome, debonaire. -That IS surprising. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
And a massive cock. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
Right, great. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
-Hey. -Hey. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
-You all right? -Yeah, great. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
Well, maybe not great. I'm dreading tomorrow, to be honest. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
Why? It's Christmas Eve! | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
Yeah, and I'm spending it with my mum this year. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
I feel bad, but we just argue all the time, | 0:18:55 | 0:19:00 | |
so I think, what's the point in going? | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
And she always gives me such a hard time about men. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
I'm only 26 and she says I'm wasting my life by being single. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
-That's ridiculous. -Isn't it?! Having said that, | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
I do wish that I had someone to take with me, just to shut her up. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:18 | |
I think I know someone who might do that for you. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:22 | |
Really? Who? | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
-Hey, what's everyone drinking? -Wow, you've perked up. -Yeah. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:32 | |
I don't feel so bad about going down to my mum's now. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
-Cool. -Yeah, Jason said he'd come with me. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
-It's really sweet of him, isn't it? -Yeah. What?! | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
I can't believe you're trying to steal Sam from me. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
She's not yours to steal. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
How could you be so evule and hurtfule and spitefule? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
-I warned you it would happen? -When? -I told you time and time again - | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
-if you don't do it soon, someone else will. -You never said it would be you! | 0:19:53 | 0:19:57 | |
You should have read between the lines. Don. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
I'm not clever enough to do that, Jason. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
Look, I like Sam. A lot. I always have. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:09 | |
So why have you never said anything, then? | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
-Because I was being a friend to you. -A friend? A friend?! A friend? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:17 | |
A friend, a friend. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
A friend? It sounds weird now, doesn't it? A friend. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
Look, I backed off for ages. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
I kept it to myself and it's been killing me. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
How long was I meant to wait? You're clearly never going to do anything. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:31 | |
TOILET FLUSHES | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
Oh, sorry, I thought this was the men's. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
Yes, it is the men's. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
'So I spent the rest of the night drowning my sorrows. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
'I woke up feeling pretty rotten.' | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
No. No, I can't have. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
-Oh fuck! -All right? | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
Listen, whatever happened last night stays between us. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:13 | |
-Jon Bon Jesus, how drunk did you get me, woman? -What you talking about? | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
This! Us! God, I can't even believe I'm saying "us". | 0:21:17 | 0:21:21 | |
-I've lowered my standards before, but this is off the scale. -Eurgh! | 0:21:21 | 0:21:25 | |
Don't be disgusting. As if I'd ever have you as a sex opponent. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:30 | |
You mean, we didn't... Course not. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
Eddie put me in here a couple of hours ago, | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
cos Gollum did poo-poo in bed. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
Then who was I...? | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
Thank God. It was just a male midget. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:49 | |
'I wasn't prepared to lose Sam. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
'I decided I needed to do something - and quickly.' | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
Do you not want to say toodle-pip to Jason and Samantha? | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
-They just left. -Why would I want to say goodbye to Jason? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
He stabbed me in the back. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:05 | |
-What do you mean? -He's trying to steal Sam from me. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
I don't understand how he could be so evule. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
He's the first proper, normal friend I've ever had. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
-What about me? -I said normal. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
Sometimes I just get the feeling people don't care about me, Eddie. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
-Maybe it's something to do with the way you behave. -Go on. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:26 | |
I know that deep down you're a good person, | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
but maybe if you were a bit nicer to people - a bit more likeable - | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
then you'd be more popular. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
Morning, Don! | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
-How was your date last night? -Not great. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
I was sat there for almost an hour, thinking | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
she must have gotten cold feet. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:49 | |
ALL: Aah. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
Turns out I was at the wrong place! | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:22:54 | 0:22:55 | |
You see, we were meant to meet at Ricky's Diner, | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
but I went to Mickey's Diner! | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Donald, you are sweet. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
CHEERING | 0:23:07 | 0:23:10 | |
-Morning, Dorothy. -Good morning, lovely boy. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:14 | |
-Did you sleep well? -Actually, no. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:18 | |
I was up all night tossing and turning. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
Same here. Well, more tossing than turning, if you know what I mean! | 0:23:21 | 0:23:26 | |
SILENCE | 0:23:26 | 0:23:27 | |
I am trying to be a better person, Eddie. Look, | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
-I'm writing a song for Samantha, for her Christmas present. -Lovely! | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
I want to seduce her with my melodies. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
I figure it's the only way I can genuinely express myself without messing it up. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:43 | |
Lovely! | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
Then, when she realises she should be with me, | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
Jason can go fuck himself, deep in his own asshole. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
Oh, lovely(!) | 0:23:50 | 0:23:53 | |
Could you drive me down to her mum's tonight, to drop it off? | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
I can't, Don. I'm meant to be dropping Dot off at the elderly centre later. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
Please, Eddie. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:00 | |
We'll just drive down, drop off the present | 0:24:00 | 0:24:03 | |
and drive back before the old fogey home closes. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
Please? Come on, when do I ever ask for anything from you? | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
All right, silly question. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
All right, Don. If it helps you get the girl, then you can count on me. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
-Why do you keep...? -I don't know. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
# It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas | 0:24:17 | 0:24:21 | |
-# Everywhere you go. -# | 0:24:21 | 0:24:27 | |
-Merry Chrimble, Samantha! -Hello. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:33 | |
-You back home for the holly-bubs, are you? -Yeah. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
-Jason, these are our neighbours - Anne and Derek Yeaman. -Hi. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:40 | |
-Yes, we are. High on life. -Poppets, come and say greetings. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:45 | |
-Hello, do you remember me? -What's your name, little fella? -Billy. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:49 | |
-My name's Samantha. -Jason. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
No, Samantha. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
She is a beacon of light in a world of darkness. | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
They chose her name because of me. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
And I pray every night that she grows up to look just like you. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:07 | |
Oh, thanks. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
Now, now, poppet, behave, | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
otherwise Santa won't visit us tonight. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
(Highly unlikely.) | 0:25:14 | 0:25:17 | |
Yes, Dalek has hired a Santa Claus to visit this evening. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
Can't wait to see the little mites' faces. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
-Dalek? -It's just a silly nickname for Derek. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:27 | |
Exterminate! Exterminate! | 0:25:27 | 0:25:30 | |
Hello! Mum? | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
THEY WHISPER | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
Yes, can I help? | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
-Merry Christmas. -I'm sorry, you are...? | 0:25:42 | 0:25:46 | |
I mean, you resemble my daughter, but it's been so long | 0:25:46 | 0:25:51 | |
since she visited, I barely remember what she looks like. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:55 | |
Mother, let's not cause a scene. We have company, see? | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
-You didn't tell me you were bringing a boy. -Yes, this is Jason. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:05 | |
-Jeanette Parker, nee Whittle. -Nice to meet you. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
-What do you do for a living? -Mum! -What? I'm getting to know the man. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:14 | |
I'm a manager of a shop. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
Oh, so, what is it? | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
Is he great in the bedroom? | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
-Mum! -Drink, Jason? | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
It's two o'clock. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
-No, it's Christmas. -Yeah, why not? I'll have a... | 0:26:26 | 0:26:30 | |
You'll have what you're given. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
-I warned you she can be a total nightmare. -No, she seems fine. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:39 | |
< Jason? | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
I'm assuming you'll probably want Malibu. Am I right? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:47 | |
-It stinks in here. -Sorry. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:53 | |
-That was you? -Don't know. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
Happens without me knowing these days. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
Smells like one of mine, though. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:02 | |
What are we doing? | 0:27:02 | 0:27:04 | |
We need to get some snacks. Dorothy, would you like a refrigerated scotch egg from the petrol shop? | 0:27:04 | 0:27:09 | |
-Yeah, all right. -You're getting out? | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
You actually want people to know you're the driver of this thing? | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
Why? What's wrong with it? | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
# Away in a manger... # | 0:27:20 | 0:27:25 | |
Ah. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:26 | |
Oh, the tree is beautiful, isn't she? | 0:27:28 | 0:27:33 | |
Look at me, I'm weeping like a small girl's blouse. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:38 | |
-I just love Christmas so much. -Oh, darling. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:44 | |
Listen, why don't you pop yourself upstairs and have | 0:27:44 | 0:27:49 | |
a nice, hot, creamy, bubble bath, | 0:27:49 | 0:27:51 | |
before (you-know-who arrives)? | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
Good idea, Booby. I'm a bit of a Sweaty Betty, aren't I? | 0:27:54 | 0:27:59 | |
-Which one is it? -Not sure. It's one of these. | 0:27:59 | 0:28:02 | |
OK, well, good luck. | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
Hmmm. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:07 | |
What's up? | 0:28:07 | 0:28:08 | |
It seems a shame to come all this way just to drop off a present. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:12 | |
Don, I told you, I have to get back to drop Dorothy off. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:14 | |
No, no, no, it's fine. We won't stay. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:17 | |
I just want to make a big entrance, win Sam's affections, | 0:28:17 | 0:28:21 | |
emotionally seduce her. | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
So when I leave, she's all like, | 0:28:23 | 0:28:25 | |
"Oh, I miss Don, I wish he was still here." | 0:28:25 | 0:28:27 | |
And then Jason can go fuck himself deep in his own asshole! | 0:28:27 | 0:28:30 | |
I saw a man do that once on the internet. | 0:28:30 | 0:28:34 | |
Not as arousing as it sounds. | 0:28:34 | 0:28:37 | |
Yeah, I'm really going to miss you, Dobbo(!) | 0:28:37 | 0:28:41 | |
Ooh, why don't you wear my Santa suit? | 0:28:41 | 0:28:44 | |
No-one can resist Father Christmas. Works every time. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:48 | |
Bon Jovi, Eddie, you might be on to something there. Clever balls. | 0:28:48 | 0:28:53 | |
# Oh, come all ye faithful... # | 0:28:53 | 0:28:57 | |
Mummy, look! | 0:28:57 | 0:28:59 | |
Oh! | 0:28:59 | 0:29:02 | |
Dalek! Dalek! | 0:29:02 | 0:29:05 | |
Our guest has arrived. | 0:29:05 | 0:29:08 | |
# To Be-ethlehem | 0:29:08 | 0:29:11 | |
-# Come and behold him Born the King of Angels. -# | 0:29:11 | 0:29:15 | |
I can't wait to see their faces when I bowl in dressed like this. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:19 | |
What an entrance. Jesus, Eddie, these are massive. | 0:29:19 | 0:29:23 | |
What size are you, you fatty, bum-bum? | 0:29:23 | 0:29:25 | |
I like to be very method when I'm playing Santa, Don. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:28 | |
I want it to be authentic. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:30 | |
I suppose you could call my approach "Santaslavski"! | 0:29:30 | 0:29:35 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:29:35 | 0:29:36 | |
-Psst! -Over here. | 0:29:38 | 0:29:41 | |
-That must be Sam's mum. Wish me luck. -Good luck. | 0:29:41 | 0:29:45 | |
-Hey. -Hi? | 0:29:45 | 0:29:47 | |
-Are you Sam's mum? -Indeed, I am. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:50 | |
She is going to be so excited to see you. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:52 | |
-Really? She mentions me? -She talks about nothing else. | 0:29:52 | 0:29:55 | |
Oh, wow. I have to say, you're much younger than I imagined. | 0:29:55 | 0:30:00 | |
Stop that immediately, St Nicholas. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:03 | |
Come on. | 0:30:03 | 0:30:06 | |
# Ding-dong merrily on high.. # | 0:30:06 | 0:30:08 | |
-Look who I've just found. -Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas... | 0:30:08 | 0:30:12 | |
-Every...body. -Santa! | 0:30:12 | 0:30:15 | |
Oh, er...hello, children, have you been good this year? | 0:30:15 | 0:30:20 | |
-I have, I have. -Yes, yes, yes. | 0:30:20 | 0:30:22 | |
FARTING | 0:30:24 | 0:30:26 | |
Did I do it again? | 0:30:29 | 0:30:30 | |
SINGS HYMN LUSTILY | 0:30:30 | 0:30:33 | |
-He's here. -Who's here? -The Santa you booked. -He said he wouldn't be here until 8.30? | 0:30:46 | 0:30:51 | |
-Is it? -Is that your beard? -All right, chill your boots. | 0:30:51 | 0:30:55 | |
-I love you, Santa. -That's a bit gay. -Where are our presents, Santa? | 0:30:55 | 0:31:01 | |
-Yeah, we want our presents. -I don't have any presents. | 0:31:01 | 0:31:04 | |
Maybe she's upstairs. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:05 | |
CHANTING: Presents, presents, presents, presents, presents... | 0:31:05 | 0:31:09 | |
All right, shush your mouths. I'll give you a present. | 0:31:09 | 0:31:13 | |
There you go. Now, shut up. | 0:31:15 | 0:31:17 | |
What? Screwdriver. | 0:31:22 | 0:31:25 | |
Anyway, you're throwing me in the old biddies' bin on Monday. | 0:31:25 | 0:31:29 | |
-My windy backside will be someone else's problem. -Strange. | 0:31:29 | 0:31:36 | |
-Nights, holy night... Merry Christmas. -Who's...? | 0:31:43 | 0:31:49 | |
-Keep quiet about this, yeah? -Who are you? And what are you doing here? | 0:31:53 | 0:31:57 | |
I thought you knew. I'm here for Samantha. | 0:31:57 | 0:32:00 | |
-Oh, Jesus, our Lord and saviour. -What do you want with her? -Well... | 0:32:00 | 0:32:06 | |
-I'll be honest, I'm here to seduce her. -Why would you do that? | 0:32:06 | 0:32:11 | |
-Well, cos she's sexy. -God, you are sick. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:17 | |
I think you should leave, before we call the policeman. | 0:32:17 | 0:32:21 | |
Whoa, no, wait, wait. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. | 0:32:21 | 0:32:25 | |
You see I'm fairly certain she feels the same way about me. | 0:32:25 | 0:32:28 | |
-We almost made love once. -Oh! | 0:32:28 | 0:32:31 | |
-Please, come on. -Oh. | 0:32:35 | 0:32:39 | |
# Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus... # | 0:32:43 | 0:32:50 | |
Which one's Dickhead? I can't tell. | 0:32:54 | 0:32:56 | |
Stop! | 0:32:58 | 0:32:59 | |
I'm not sure, but I think he's the one being hit. | 0:33:00 | 0:33:04 | |
Please. | 0:33:16 | 0:33:17 | |
I'm sorry. | 0:33:19 | 0:33:20 | |
Maybe they didn't like his present. | 0:33:22 | 0:33:24 | |
What's going on? Is everything all right? | 0:33:26 | 0:33:28 | |
-A paedophile has intruded our home. -Hey, Sam. | 0:33:28 | 0:33:33 | |
-Merry Christmas! -Don? | 0:33:33 | 0:33:37 | |
Well, that went well. | 0:33:39 | 0:33:42 | |
Right, I've calmed the Yeamans' down, | 0:33:47 | 0:33:49 | |
they're not going to call the police now. | 0:33:49 | 0:33:51 | |
I should be the one calls them, after what that Santa did to me. | 0:33:51 | 0:33:54 | |
That's what Greg Pitcher's victim said. | 0:33:54 | 0:33:56 | |
You completely ruined their Christmas. You're such a fuckwit. | 0:33:56 | 0:34:00 | |
I'm sorry. I was trying to do something nice for you. | 0:34:00 | 0:34:03 | |
Look, I've brought you your present, see? | 0:34:03 | 0:34:07 | |
You could have just given this when I got back. | 0:34:07 | 0:34:08 | |
But I wanted you to open it on Christmas Day. | 0:34:08 | 0:34:12 | |
It's a...very personal present. | 0:34:12 | 0:34:16 | |
Right. Well, thanks. | 0:34:16 | 0:34:21 | |
Merry Christmas? | 0:34:21 | 0:34:24 | |
Don, are you all right? | 0:34:27 | 0:34:29 | |
It's probably time to hit the hay. Big day tomorrow. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:37 | |
-Oh, you're probably right. Jamal, will you help me up? -It's Jason. | 0:34:37 | 0:34:43 | |
It's what? | 0:34:43 | 0:34:45 | |
Ooh, haven't you got lovely, long fingers! | 0:34:47 | 0:34:50 | |
I wonder what you get up to with those? | 0:34:50 | 0:34:54 | |
Right, here you go. | 0:34:58 | 0:34:59 | |
Oh, I thought...you know, we... | 0:34:59 | 0:35:05 | |
-We might be sharing. -Oh! | 0:35:05 | 0:35:08 | |
Um, Jason, I... | 0:35:08 | 0:35:10 | |
Look, I really appreciate you coming here with me, | 0:35:10 | 0:35:14 | |
but it was never like that. | 0:35:14 | 0:35:15 | |
-I thought you knew. Sorry! -No, it's fine. | 0:35:15 | 0:35:20 | |
I didn't have any plans this year, anyway, so, eh... | 0:35:20 | 0:35:23 | |
-Cool. -Yeah. | 0:35:23 | 0:35:27 | |
OK... All right. I'll see you in the morning. OK. | 0:35:27 | 0:35:32 | |
Not so fast, young man. | 0:35:47 | 0:35:49 | |
If she's not interested, | 0:35:49 | 0:35:51 | |
I certainly want to see what you can do with those fingers. | 0:35:51 | 0:35:55 | |
# MUSIC: "Mrs Robinson" by Simon and Garfunkel | 0:35:55 | 0:35:58 | |
Well, it's too late to drop Dot off now. | 0:36:07 | 0:36:10 | |
I just hope they don't mind us arriving on Christmas morning. | 0:36:10 | 0:36:13 | |
Ah, Dot, are you sure you should be drinking that now? | 0:36:13 | 0:36:16 | |
Don't be such a poof! | 0:36:16 | 0:36:18 | |
Eddie, I've been thinking. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:21 | |
After she's moved out, there's no real reason for you to be here? | 0:36:21 | 0:36:25 | |
I'd still like to come over and help out around the house. | 0:36:25 | 0:36:28 | |
-Nothing's changed there. -But I'm moving out soon. | 0:36:28 | 0:36:31 | |
It's time I got used to doing things on my own - | 0:36:31 | 0:36:33 | |
without you and Treacher. | 0:36:33 | 0:36:35 | |
And...Sam. | 0:36:35 | 0:36:37 | |
-But I... -I' ve already thought about this. -What if... -Sorry. | 0:36:39 | 0:36:42 | |
-But I... -No. -Maybe... -I can't. -Don... -No. | 0:36:42 | 0:36:46 | |
-What if... -I'm sorry. -Don... -Please. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:48 | |
-Don't. -Please... . -No. I can't... Stop this madness! | 0:36:48 | 0:36:52 | |
Look, it's been great having you around, but I just think | 0:36:54 | 0:36:59 | |
we all have to accept it's the end of an era. | 0:36:59 | 0:37:03 | |
OK? | 0:37:03 | 0:37:04 | |
Absolutely. | 0:37:05 | 0:37:06 | |
-What are you doing? -Come on. | 0:37:12 | 0:37:15 | |
-No, no, no. -Come on. | 0:37:15 | 0:37:18 | |
Ow. | 0:37:18 | 0:37:19 | |
What have I told you about hugging me? | 0:37:30 | 0:37:33 | |
-If I ever do it again, you'll kick me the penis? -Yes. | 0:37:33 | 0:37:37 | |
Now, if you don't mind, I'm feeling depressed and horny, | 0:37:37 | 0:37:41 | |
so I'm going to go upstairs and masturcry. | 0:37:41 | 0:37:44 | |
Goodnight. | 0:37:44 | 0:37:45 | |
Masturcry? Mastur... Oh! Oh. | 0:37:48 | 0:37:52 | |
'So on Christmas Day 2011, Eddie took Dorothy Treacher to her new home.' | 0:37:56 | 0:38:02 | |
So, welcome to your new home, Dorothy. | 0:38:02 | 0:38:05 | |
Not very attractive, are they? | 0:38:05 | 0:38:08 | |
Oh, it's a companion you're after, is it? | 0:38:08 | 0:38:11 | |
Companion, fuck-buddy, sex opponent - whatever you want to call it. | 0:38:11 | 0:38:15 | |
-Could we just have a moment, please? -Of course. | 0:38:16 | 0:38:20 | |
-Dot. -What? -What did I tell you about how to behave in this place? | 0:38:22 | 0:38:26 | |
Behave as badly as possible? | 0:38:26 | 0:38:29 | |
'Meanwhile, I was spending Christmas Day all on my lonesome. | 0:38:30 | 0:38:35 | |
'At least next year, I'll have loads of money and a new bachelor pad. | 0:38:35 | 0:38:40 | |
'# Tra la la la la, la la la la. #' | 0:38:40 | 0:38:43 | |
So, hello, Samantha. Welcome to your Christmas present. | 0:39:01 | 0:39:05 | |
I've never been very good at expressing myself, | 0:39:05 | 0:39:08 | |
always seem to say the wrong thing, so I've decided to write you a song. | 0:39:08 | 0:39:12 | |
I hope you like it. | 0:39:12 | 0:39:14 | |
# Christmas time is for giving | 0:39:19 | 0:39:25 | |
# And for living out your fantasies | 0:39:26 | 0:39:32 | |
# So I would like to get naked | 0:39:34 | 0:39:39 | |
# And by naked, I mean, emotionally | 0:39:41 | 0:39:46 | |
# I want to tell you what's on my mind | 0:39:51 | 0:39:54 | |
# I think about you every day and night | 0:39:54 | 0:39:58 | |
# I just wish you'd spend Christmas time with me | 0:39:58 | 0:40:03 | |
# That's my fantasy | 0:40:04 | 0:40:07 | |
# I know I've done some things that are stupid | 0:40:09 | 0:40:14 | |
# But I hope that one day you will forgive me | 0:40:18 | 0:40:22 | |
# I want to tell you what's on my mind | 0:40:25 | 0:40:29 | |
# I think about you every day and night | 0:40:29 | 0:40:33 | |
# I just wish you'd spend Christmas time with me | 0:40:33 | 0:40:37 | |
# That's my fantasy | 0:40:39 | 0:40:43 | |
# You and me | 0:40:43 | 0:40:46 | |
# That's my fantasy | 0:40:46 | 0:40:49 | |
# Let's make this a bit more Christmassy, come on | 0:40:49 | 0:40:52 | |
# Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time | 0:40:52 | 0:41:00 | |
# Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time | 0:41:00 | 0:41:06 | |
# Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time | 0:41:08 | 0:41:13 | |
# Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time. # | 0:41:16 | 0:41:18 | |
What are you doing? | 0:41:18 | 0:41:20 | |
I want to spend Christmas with Don. | 0:41:20 | 0:41:23 | |
# Christmas time. # | 0:41:23 | 0:41:25 | |
And mum? | 0:41:25 | 0:41:26 | |
Please try and stop hating everyone all the time. | 0:41:26 | 0:41:30 | |
# Christmas time | 0:41:31 | 0:41:33 | |
I don't hate everyone, do I? | 0:41:33 | 0:41:37 | |
# Christmas time | 0:41:38 | 0:41:41 | |
# Christmas time | 0:41:42 | 0:41:44 | |
# With you, me and you. # | 0:41:47 | 0:41:52 | |
Is there any pudding, Eddie? | 0:41:57 | 0:41:59 | |
Christmas isn't Christmas without Christmas pudding. | 0:41:59 | 0:42:02 | |
I don't care, I want it now. | 0:42:02 | 0:42:04 | |
You want Christmas pudding, don't you, Samantha? | 0:42:04 | 0:42:07 | |
What's that, Gollum? You want to pull a cracker? Yeah, sure, OK. | 0:42:07 | 0:42:13 | |
Grab hold of it. I win. You're all right, aren't you? | 0:42:13 | 0:42:16 | |
You haven't had a heart attack. | 0:42:16 | 0:42:18 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 0:42:18 | 0:42:20 | |
Oh, I suppose I've got to get that, have I? | 0:42:20 | 0:42:23 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 0:42:23 | 0:42:25 | |
Is the doorbell actually ringing or is that part | 0:42:25 | 0:42:27 | |
of this strangely vivid hallucination I'm having? | 0:42:27 | 0:42:30 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 0:42:30 | 0:42:32 | |
All right, I'll get it. | 0:42:32 | 0:42:33 | |
Hey. What are you doing back? | 0:42:39 | 0:42:41 | |
Surprise! | 0:42:41 | 0:42:43 | |
'I couldn't believe it. Abby Jones, the girl I used to have | 0:42:44 | 0:42:47 | |
'a big thing for, sitting in my living room again. | 0:42:47 | 0:42:49 | |
'I hadn't seen her in over two years. We spent ages catching up.' | 0:42:49 | 0:42:54 | |
Let me get this straight, you flew to New Zealand, met a guy, | 0:42:54 | 0:42:57 | |
you came back, got married, flew back to New Zealand, got divorced | 0:42:57 | 0:43:01 | |
and now you're back again. | 0:43:01 | 0:43:03 | |
You make it sound like we were barely married. | 0:43:03 | 0:43:05 | |
-How long were you together for? -Six months. | 0:43:05 | 0:43:09 | |
-Yeah. All right. -Sorry. | 0:43:11 | 0:43:15 | |
-So, I was hoping that there might be room at the inn. -Which inn? | 0:43:15 | 0:43:19 | |
-Can I crash here for a few days? -Oh, right, yes. Of course you can. | 0:43:20 | 0:43:25 | |
It's just until I get the courage to go home and face the music. | 0:43:25 | 0:43:29 | |
You can stay as long as you like. You can have my bed if you want. | 0:43:29 | 0:43:33 | |
-Don't be daft, I'm fine on the sofa. -Are you insane in the mind? | 0:43:33 | 0:43:36 | |
It's freezing down here and we've only got one heater. | 0:43:36 | 0:43:39 | |
I don't mind sharing, that will keep us warm. | 0:43:39 | 0:43:42 | |
-Head to toe, like a sleepover? -Hmm, sleepover. | 0:43:43 | 0:43:46 | |
-Don Danbury, you have not changed. -You mean I haven't aged? | 0:43:47 | 0:43:51 | |
-Thank you very much. -I wasn't saying that. -Oi! | 0:43:51 | 0:43:54 | |
I'm just going to go and check to see what state my room's in. | 0:44:03 | 0:44:07 | |
Don! | 0:44:15 | 0:44:16 | |
Oh. Sorry, I didn't know that Don had company. | 0:44:16 | 0:44:21 | |
I'm Abby. | 0:44:21 | 0:44:22 | |
Abby. Yeah, right, Don's mentioned you. | 0:44:25 | 0:44:27 | |
Sorry, you are? | 0:44:27 | 0:44:30 | |
-Sam, Don's...flatmate. -He didn't mention he had a flatmate. | 0:44:30 | 0:44:35 | |
He didn't? | 0:44:35 | 0:44:37 | |
No, of course he didn't. I mean, why would he? | 0:44:37 | 0:44:41 | |
Abigail, are you coming up or what? | 0:44:42 | 0:44:45 | |
It was really lovely to meet you, Sam. | 0:44:45 | 0:44:47 | |
No, no, they're a bit tight. They're pinching me. | 0:45:10 | 0:45:14 | |
-Can I have a word? -You can have two if you like. | 0:45:16 | 0:45:20 | |
One of them's "off". | 0:45:20 | 0:45:22 | |
-Don, I've come to apologise. -It's a bit late, innit? | 0:45:22 | 0:45:25 | |
-Please, can we talk in private? -Lover's tiff? | 0:45:25 | 0:45:29 | |
-Look, Don, I'm sorry, OK? -Are you? Are you sorry? | 0:45:35 | 0:45:38 | |
-Are you actually sorry? -You know, I have feelings too. | 0:45:38 | 0:45:43 | |
I've been besotted with Sam for ages. | 0:45:43 | 0:45:44 | |
I've had to sit here and listen to you go on and on about it. | 0:45:44 | 0:45:47 | |
How about you listen to how I feel? | 0:45:47 | 0:45:49 | |
I listen. I'm a great listener. People call me "The Listener". | 0:45:49 | 0:45:55 | |
Look, I thought about what I did to you and, yeah, | 0:45:55 | 0:45:58 | |
I could have handled it better. | 0:45:58 | 0:46:01 | |
I'm sorry. | 0:46:01 | 0:46:02 | |
I'm actually quite ashamed. | 0:46:02 | 0:46:04 | |
Look, if I'm being honest, I'm just a bit lonely, Don, | 0:46:05 | 0:46:09 | |
and I just want to be... You think we could complete in two days? | 0:46:09 | 0:46:12 | |
-Don! -I'll call you back. Sorry, what? | 0:46:12 | 0:46:17 | |
Never mind. | 0:46:17 | 0:46:18 | |
So, anyway, I hear Abby's back in town, right? | 0:46:18 | 0:46:22 | |
-How did you hear about that? -Well, Sam told me. | 0:46:22 | 0:46:24 | |
You've seen Sam? Where is she? She hasn't been to the house. | 0:46:24 | 0:46:28 | |
Well, you're shacked up with Abby, aren't you? | 0:46:28 | 0:46:30 | |
I'm not shacked up with Abby! | 0:46:30 | 0:46:33 | |
-That's what Sam seems to think. -What? No! No! | 0:46:33 | 0:46:37 | |
I don't get it. Why does she think you are, then? | 0:46:37 | 0:46:40 | |
Oi, Abigail, are you coming up or what? | 0:46:40 | 0:46:42 | |
It was really lovely to meet you, Sam. | 0:46:42 | 0:46:45 | |
-Hey. -Hey. -You didn't tell me you had a gorgeous new flatmate! | 0:46:47 | 0:46:51 | |
Oh, what, Sam? Yeah. She's been here a while now. | 0:46:51 | 0:46:54 | |
-She seems really nice. -How would you know? -I just met her. Downstairs. | 0:46:54 | 0:47:00 | |
Sam! Sam? | 0:47:00 | 0:47:03 | |
Are you sure it was her? | 0:47:08 | 0:47:09 | |
No, you're right, I must have imagined talking to her. | 0:47:09 | 0:47:13 | |
I don't get it. | 0:47:13 | 0:47:14 | |
Don, what is going on? | 0:47:14 | 0:47:16 | |
This may be the most grown-up thing I've ever said, | 0:47:16 | 0:47:19 | |
but I don't think I can sleep with you tonight. | 0:47:19 | 0:47:21 | |
-We were only sharing a bed. -Yeah, but it might have led to something. | 0:47:21 | 0:47:25 | |
-It wouldn't. -It might, you know what it's like. | 0:47:25 | 0:47:28 | |
-It wouldn't have. -Cuddling, spooning. -It really wouldn't have. | 0:47:28 | 0:47:31 | |
Don't get me wrong, I used to have a crush on you. | 0:47:31 | 0:47:34 | |
I can't believe I finally admitted that! | 0:47:34 | 0:47:37 | |
See? I can express myself. I'm growing up. | 0:47:37 | 0:47:40 | |
But I love Sam. She's the first person I've ever developed a proper connection with. | 0:47:42 | 0:47:49 | |
'I waited up all night for Sam to return. | 0:47:57 | 0:48:00 | |
'But she never did.' | 0:48:04 | 0:48:05 | |
So now, she won't even return my calls. | 0:48:07 | 0:48:10 | |
SOBBING | 0:48:10 | 0:48:12 | |
Dude, are you crying? | 0:48:15 | 0:48:16 | |
You really love her, don't you? And she doesn't even know it. | 0:48:16 | 0:48:21 | |
Hey. Hey, there, there. | 0:48:23 | 0:48:26 | |
I'm sorry. I'm just an old romantic at heart. | 0:48:26 | 0:48:30 | |
You're telling me! | 0:48:30 | 0:48:32 | |
Hey, listen, | 0:48:32 | 0:48:33 | |
if the Bridges of Madison County ever comes on your telly, switch it over. | 0:48:33 | 0:48:38 | |
-That would floor you! -Yeah! | 0:48:38 | 0:48:41 | |
People can see us! | 0:48:44 | 0:48:46 | |
-Come on, Jase, tell me where Sam is, please. -She's staying at mine. | 0:48:47 | 0:48:52 | |
-What are you doing? -I'm going to see her. | 0:48:52 | 0:48:56 | |
-She's out. She knew you'd be out, so she went to get her stuff from your place. -Donald! | 0:48:56 | 0:49:00 | |
-We need to have words. -Look, I'm sorry, but I've got to go. | 0:49:00 | 0:49:04 | |
I don't think so, Mister, come here, immediately. | 0:49:04 | 0:49:06 | |
I'll deal with this. | 0:49:06 | 0:49:09 | |
Go! | 0:49:12 | 0:49:13 | |
Get out of the way. | 0:49:15 | 0:49:18 | |
Get out! | 0:49:18 | 0:49:19 | |
I will step over you. | 0:49:19 | 0:49:21 | |
Sam! Sam? | 0:49:23 | 0:49:26 | |
-Has Sam been back here? -Yes, she left about 20 minutes ago. She was in a bit of a panic. | 0:49:26 | 0:49:31 | |
-What do you mean? -She mentioned a message on the answer machine. | 0:49:31 | 0:49:35 | |
She was a bit frosty with me, to be honest, | 0:49:35 | 0:49:38 | |
so I just kept out of her way. | 0:49:38 | 0:49:39 | |
'Hi, there, this is Belinda Myers from the Elderly Centre. | 0:49:41 | 0:49:45 | |
'We're having a bit of an emergency with Dorothy Treacher and wondered | 0:49:45 | 0:49:47 | |
'if you could pop down as soon as possible.' | 0:49:47 | 0:49:49 | |
-I didn't know people still had an answering machines! -I didn't know WE had one. | 0:49:49 | 0:49:54 | |
Listen, Abby, I need your help. I've got to try and win Sam back. | 0:49:54 | 0:49:57 | |
-I'm all yours. What do you need? -KNOCK AT DOOR | 0:49:57 | 0:50:00 | |
Please open the door, Dorothy. | 0:50:00 | 0:50:03 | |
Treach, it's me, Sam. | 0:50:03 | 0:50:05 | |
I just swung by for a visit. | 0:50:05 | 0:50:08 | |
-Hey, is everything OK? -Thanks for coming. | 0:50:08 | 0:50:10 | |
It's all right, I'm here for her. | 0:50:10 | 0:50:12 | |
Right, she's locked herself in her room... | 0:50:12 | 0:50:14 | |
No, no, no, I'm here for HER. We need to talk. | 0:50:14 | 0:50:18 | |
Don, we're worried about Treacher. | 0:50:18 | 0:50:21 | |
She's been in there for ages. | 0:50:21 | 0:50:22 | |
I'm not with Abby. I never was. | 0:50:22 | 0:50:24 | |
Well, what's she doing here, then? | 0:50:24 | 0:50:27 | |
She just gave me a lift. | 0:50:27 | 0:50:28 | |
I wanted to help him get to you. | 0:50:28 | 0:50:30 | |
What's going on? | 0:50:30 | 0:50:31 | |
I'm trying to win Sam back. | 0:50:31 | 0:50:33 | |
Actually, we're trying to help Dorothy. | 0:50:33 | 0:50:35 | |
We're trying to help Dorothy, | 0:50:35 | 0:50:36 | |
but while they're doing that, I'm trying to win Sam back. | 0:50:36 | 0:50:39 | |
I'll go for the door. | 0:50:39 | 0:50:40 | |
I saw her go up to you. | 0:50:40 | 0:50:42 | |
Then I came back down, but you were gone. | 0:50:42 | 0:50:45 | |
Sam, you have always been the one for me. | 0:50:45 | 0:50:49 | |
We're the same. | 0:50:49 | 0:50:51 | |
Do you really think this can work? | 0:50:52 | 0:50:54 | |
I mean, we are both terrible at relationships. | 0:50:54 | 0:50:58 | |
Exactly, we're the same. | 0:50:58 | 0:51:00 | |
Please open the door, Dorothy. | 0:51:00 | 0:51:03 | |
I listened to that song you wrote. | 0:51:03 | 0:51:06 | |
And? | 0:51:07 | 0:51:08 | |
I loved it. | 0:51:10 | 0:51:11 | |
Holy Costner. | 0:51:21 | 0:51:23 | |
For BLEEP sake, Henry, will you just get it in me. | 0:51:23 | 0:51:27 | |
It's no use, Dorothy. | 0:51:27 | 0:51:29 | |
Too many creases and wrinkles and I can't tell which one's your muffin. | 0:51:29 | 0:51:32 | |
I'm sorry, but in all the time I've worked here, | 0:51:36 | 0:51:39 | |
I've never seen such disgusting things. | 0:51:39 | 0:51:41 | |
And I've worked here for three weeks. | 0:51:41 | 0:51:44 | |
She's a bad influence. | 0:51:44 | 0:51:46 | |
She's been here for six days and she's created chaos. | 0:51:46 | 0:51:48 | |
She steals medication, she crushes her pills and snorts them, | 0:51:48 | 0:51:52 | |
uses profanities at the top of her voice, | 0:51:52 | 0:51:54 | |
she walks around in the nude, | 0:51:54 | 0:51:56 | |
she sexually dominates the weaker gentleman. | 0:51:56 | 0:51:58 | |
ALL: Aw! | 0:51:58 | 0:52:00 | |
Classic Treacher. | 0:52:00 | 0:52:02 | |
It pains me to say this, | 0:52:02 | 0:52:03 | |
but we're going to have to let her go, I'm sorry. | 0:52:03 | 0:52:06 | |
-No! -What? You can't do that. | 0:52:06 | 0:52:08 | |
She's got nowhere else to go. | 0:52:08 | 0:52:10 | |
-I got here as quick as I could. -Why? | 0:52:12 | 0:52:15 | |
I don't know. | 0:52:17 | 0:52:19 | |
Eddie, can you look after her for a while, | 0:52:20 | 0:52:22 | |
just till we find another place to go? | 0:52:22 | 0:52:24 | |
I'd love to, but I'm sleeping in the Santa van at the moment. | 0:52:24 | 0:52:27 | |
-Living the American dream. -Stop it. -Sorry. | 0:52:27 | 0:52:30 | |
-Could you do it? -Me? No, I can't. | 0:52:30 | 0:52:34 | |
-I don't know where I'm going to be. -I'll take her. -What? | 0:52:34 | 0:52:38 | |
No, she'll just have to find another place again when you move out. | 0:52:38 | 0:52:42 | |
Not if I don't sell. | 0:52:42 | 0:52:44 | |
Guys, I spent one day in that house on my own | 0:52:44 | 0:52:46 | |
and I almost went insane. | 0:52:46 | 0:52:49 | |
All right, I went insane. | 0:52:49 | 0:52:51 | |
Look, you're my family and I missed you. | 0:52:51 | 0:52:56 | |
Yes, even Gollum, believe it or not. | 0:52:56 | 0:52:59 | |
That will be a lot of money you are turning down. | 0:53:01 | 0:53:03 | |
I don't care. I'm willing to make that sacrifice. | 0:53:03 | 0:53:07 | |
You see, I'm growing up and taking some responsibility. | 0:53:07 | 0:53:10 | |
And now that I've grown up and become a man, | 0:53:10 | 0:53:13 | |
there's just one last thing I need to say to you. | 0:53:13 | 0:53:15 | |
What's that? | 0:53:15 | 0:53:17 | |
Will you come out with me? | 0:53:17 | 0:53:19 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:53:19 | 0:53:21 | |
Oh... | 0:53:25 | 0:53:26 | |
-Yes! -Oh, why did you wait that long?! | 0:53:35 | 0:53:37 | |
That was like an X Factor result pause! That was horrible! | 0:53:37 | 0:53:41 | |
Come here. | 0:53:43 | 0:53:44 | |
I told you it would work, didn't I? | 0:53:51 | 0:53:53 | |
-Dot? -What? | 0:53:54 | 0:53:56 | |
What did I tell you about how to behave in this place? | 0:53:56 | 0:53:59 | |
Behave as badly as possible? | 0:53:59 | 0:54:02 | |
Exactly. | 0:54:06 | 0:54:07 | |
Hey, you're not going to grow up too much, are you? | 0:54:12 | 0:54:16 | |
Because I quite like the fact that you're a bit of a fuckwit. | 0:54:16 | 0:54:19 | |
Hmm. "Cool-smart". | 0:54:19 | 0:54:22 | |
-Come on, everybody! -Ten... | 0:54:23 | 0:54:26 | |
ALL: Nine...eight... | 0:54:26 | 0:54:28 | |
Wait, is it the time already? | 0:54:28 | 0:54:30 | |
ALL: ..six... | 0:54:30 | 0:54:31 | |
No, it's just gone six. They need to be in bed, so we're pretending it's 12 already. | 0:54:31 | 0:54:35 | |
ALL: ..two...one... | 0:54:35 | 0:54:37 | |
ALL: Happy New Year! | 0:54:37 | 0:54:40 | |
CHEERING | 0:54:40 | 0:54:43 | |
# Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind... # | 0:54:43 | 0:54:50 | |
# Walking through the doors to somewhere else | 0:54:52 | 0:54:55 | |
# Turning the handle I watched it melt - all over me | 0:54:55 | 0:55:00 | |
# Picking up the ways I couldn't be | 0:55:00 | 0:55:02 | |
# Picking up the things I never see | 0:55:02 | 0:55:04 | |
# In front of my eyes | 0:55:04 | 0:55:08 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:55:08 | 0:55:11 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:55:13 | 0:55:16 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:55:17 | 0:55:22 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be | 0:55:22 | 0:55:23 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:55:23 | 0:55:27 | |
# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa | 0:55:27 | 0:55:29 | |
# Took a little time but now he's changed | 0:55:29 | 0:55:32 | |
# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa | 0:55:32 | 0:55:34 | |
# Took a little time but now he's changed | 0:55:34 | 0:55:36 | |
# Whoa, whoa | 0:55:36 | 0:55:37 | |
# Whoa, whoa | 0:55:37 | 0:55:38 | |
# Took a little time but now he's changed | 0:55:38 | 0:55:41 | |
# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! | 0:55:41 | 0:55:45 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:55:48 | 0:55:51 | |
Is it going to be all right now? | 0:55:51 | 0:55:53 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:55:53 | 0:55:56 | |
# Is it going to be? Is it going to be? | 0:55:56 | 0:55:57 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:55:57 | 0:56:00 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:56:00 | 0:56:02 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:56:02 | 0:56:05 | |
# It's not going to be all right | 0:56:05 | 0:56:07 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:56:07 | 0:56:09 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:56:11 | 0:56:16 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:56:16 | 0:56:19 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:56:21 | 0:56:26 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:56:26 | 0:56:28 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:56:30 | 0:56:35 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:56:35 | 0:56:39 | |
# Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right | 0:56:39 | 0:56:44 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? | 0:56:44 | 0:56:48 | |
# Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? # | 0:56:48 | 0:56:52 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:56:52 | 0:56:53 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:56:53 | 0:56:56 |