Episode 6 Ja'mie: Private School Girl

This programme contains strong language and adult humour.

'After my period of depression, I came back to school with a new image.'

'Then I found out the shocking news

'that my sister had leaked a private video of me and Kwami.'

Your breasts are exposed, the young man's genitals are out.

'Dad kicked Kwami out of the house.'

Seriously, I'm legit devs about it.

I want to stay with you, in your room, in your bed.

'And then Kwami confessed that he was in love with me.

'It was seriously awks.'

-I love you so fucking much.

-Cool.

Boys!

'Muck-Up Day was the most fun day of my whole entire life.'

Hey, check your phone!

'Mitchell sent me a dick pic to prove he wanted me back.'

Yeah, that's his dick.

'And me and Madison finally became friends again.'

If I died right now, loving you would be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

'But the day ended really badly.'

It's really good news, isn't it, Ja'mie?

'I found out that Erin is winning the Hillford Medal

'and performing her dance solo at Presentation Day.'

What I'm accusing you of is awarding

the Hillford Medal to a dumb, fat lesbian.

'And I've literally never been more pissed off in my whole entire life.'

I can't put this behind me.

We're leaving in three-quarters of an hour, everyone.

Courtney, are you showered yet? Hurry up, please.

If you come into this bathroom,

I'm going to kill the hell out of your face, I'm serious!

I'm going to do more make-up. I've done basics for now.

But you can only do so much, cos it's still school rules and stuff.

-It actually looks really quiche, bebs.

-I know.

-Are you nervous?

-It's kind of... Um...

Not really, cos, like, I'm really prepared.

-Yeah, cool.

-So where are you going to be sitting?

Probs with Eddy or whatever other fags are there.

I think he's there for his sister and stuff.

Get a spot sort of in the middle.

Like, it doesn't matter how far back, but get in the middle

because that's where it's going to...

Everyone's going to see it, it's going to be so great.

I know.

Have you heard from the African yet?

No, I haven't.

I really miss him. He's so cute.

Seriously, that's why I look at this photo sometimes,

I'm, like..."Just get a phone."

Are you sure you weren't into him a little bit?

Shut up.

Maybe a little bit.

But it would never work out for obvs reasons.

-Yeah....

-Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, my fucking God.

-Who is it?

-Have a guess.

-Mitchell...?

-Yep.

It's a photo of him in his footy shorts with one of his balls out.

Hot! Is there a message?

Yeah. He says, "You know you want me back."

Seriously, get out of my life.

-Delete.

-Oh, my God, no! Send me the pic first.

I'm over you. I'll send it to you. You're disgusting.

-I'm so over him.

-Really?

-I just sent it.

-Like, fully? Like, fully over him?

Fuck him. Gone. Get out of my life.

-Sick of you. You love yourself.

-He was quiche, though.

-As if I want to see his fucking balls.

-Yeah.

SHUTTER CLICKS

What's the weather like?

Yes...?

-Oh...

-Jhyll.

How long's this thing going to go for? My plane leaves at three.

Just a second, darling.

Jamie?

Gampy wants to Skype with you. He's on now.

No fucking way! I don't want to talk to him.

I'm just about to Skype Madison, I'm not doing it.

-Jamie, do as you're told.

-Fuck off!

Jamie, talk to your grandfather, for God's sake!

Fine! I'll talk to him.

'It's definitely been a hard few months

'supporting Jamie through her schooling.'

Quite stressful, actually.

But Jamie will get her HSC, and that's the main thing.

Everything else will just blow over.

So she's not the medallist or the best dancer,

but, hey, that's life.

I'm a winner in life, I'm a very successful businessman.

But I have to remember that Jamie is half Jhyll's too.

And Jhyll hasn't exactly done a lot with her life.

So there's a little bit of that lack of drive in the genes too.

Don't you think, darling?

BABY VOICE: I want cuggle with Gampy.

Jamie miss you.

I miss you too, darling. It's hard to be so far away.

I need to visit Australia, don't I?

Pwease, Gampy.

Pwease.

Listen, darling, congratulations on your graduation.

Have a wonderful speech night. I'm really proud.

Thanks, Gampy.

But I don't want you to go.

You'll be all right, darling.

Bye, Gampy. Bye-bye.

Thank fuck that's over.

Are you for real? I can't even deal with how fucked up that was.

What?

Why were you talking like a spastic child?

I wasn't. He loves it. I was just being nice.

And he's really rich and he'll be dead soon, so...

Bebs, you're twisted. Anyway, I'd better go.

Good luck with the plan. Seriously.

-Mwah!

-Mwah!

Love you so fucking much. Good luck tonight.

-See you at Presentation Day!

-Love you so fucking much, bebs.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing? You look like a freak.

Just daydreaming, darling. Why are you not ready?

I'm putting my dress on at the last minute. I'm not risking creasing it.

-Are you wearing make-up?

-Maybe.

Get it off! I'm still School Captain.

You look like a fucking under-aged Russian prostitute.

Darling, I just want to ask you something.

Well, I'm busy, I don't want to deal with your shit right now.

I've got so much on my mind. This is the biggest day of my life.

-Please, just let me ask you something.

-What?!

Do you think it's strange

your father is bringing Mandy to Presentation Day?

No. He needs her for business trips. They're going away straight after.

He'd be lost without her.

That's what I thought. I just had a silly moment.

Mum, you do realise Dad is an idiot?

He's just really rich, and that's why we need him.

That's pretty much all guys are good for.

-There's more to life than guys, Mum.

-That's lovely, darling. Thank you.

Are you disappointed you're not dancing or getting the medal today?

-No, cos I've got a plan.

-What do you mean?

Um...you'll find out.

No-one fucks with me and gets away with it.

By the way, are you wearing that? cos you look like a cancer patient.

Good chats, Mum.

I'm ready.

And it's a great pleasure to present to you a girl who represents

all of the core values that we strive for here at Hillford.

An achiever of excellence in all aspects of her education,

a student who's shown compassion, upheld her Christian values

and cared for those around her in the community.

Please welcome to the stage in our centenary year,

the winner of the Hillford Medal,

Erin Walker.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thank you, Mrs Welham, Archbishop Collins,

distinguished guests, parents, students and teachers.

In this centenary year, I have had many opportunities

to fulfil so many of my dreams.

Hillford have welcomed me with their open arms.

-Girls, we're ready.

-I wouldn't be here today

without the support of everyone here at Hillford.

I'm very honoured to be receiving the Hillford Medal today,

to which I have to thank everyone who's helped me along the way.

To all the girls in the cricket team, well done...

All right, gather in, girls.

OK, listen up.

I've got to do my captaincy handover speech

and, Madison, that's when I want you to do it.

-OK?

-You've got the laptop.

OK. I'm freaking out.

-Are you guys freaking out?

-Yes.

..enjoy it and thank you.

-That should be you, Ja'mie.

-Tell me about it.

MUSIC: "Listening For The Weather" by Bic Runga

-It's just embarrassing for her.

-It's fucked.

I seriously feel like spewing watching her.

Ja'mie, you're so much better. It's sad.

APPLAUSE

All right. Gather in, girls.

Hold hands.

We have passed the point of no return, OK?

-Are we all in this together?

-Yeah.

Remember the prefect promise?

That we stand united, no matter what. OK?

Let's do this.

-Say, "Yes, Ja'mie."

-Yes, Ja'mie.

Hands in the middle.

Prefect promise!

OK.

Oh, my God. I love you guys so much.

I really do. Like, I fucking, fucking love you.

-Love you so much.

-OK.

Representing Hillford as School Captain in this, our centenary year,

has been incredible, to say the least.

But the time has come now for me to hand over my captaincy

to next year's Hillford Girls Grammar School Captain,

Amy Westlake.

Can you move? We're using my laptop for the choir.

Miss Duffy told me to tell you.

I'm in charge of projection for the whole night.

Shut up, Lauren. Fucking move. Stop being a bitch.

It is now time for me to perform my final duty as School Captain.

I'd like to welcome to the stage the Junior and Senior Choirs

to perform my very own composition, Learning To Be Me.

But before I do that, I have something to say.

As you saw earlier, the Hillford Medal was awarded to Erin Walker,

a grossly overweight lesbian boarder.

While the most appropriate recipient, me, was snubbed,

due to one fact alone -

I chose to expose my breasts on Skype in front of the boy that I love...

who happens to be a black African boy called Kwami.

That's right, everyone.

Because I chose to have an interracial relationship,

the leaders of this school have decided to silence me.

OK? How is that upholding Christian values?

Where in the Bible does it say

that you cannot love a boy of a different colour?

OK? And as far as getting your tits out goes...

Jamie, stop. Enough.

..Eve had her tits out in the Garden of Eden.

See, I'm trying to get my word out

and I'm getting silenced by this school administration...

-Sit down.

-..who are racist.

-Quickly, get back there.

I do apologise for that, ladies and gentlemen.

Presentation Night can be a very nervous time for our Year 12 girls,

I'm sure you'll understand.

We'll get back to the programme now.

I'll now ask Mrs Duffy to lead the Junior and Senior Choirs

in the performance of a beautiful original piece.

Thank you, Mrs Duffy.

# As I look back on my education

# And all that I have learned

# Get a glimpse of my life destination

# And fly up like a bird

# The girl that's grown in many ways

# The things that I have learned

# Hillford sets my spirit free

# A woman I will be

# Cos I'm learning to be me

# Teach and you shall... #

This is the Hillford Medallist Honour Board.

-Imagine me in this frame, guys.

-Oh...!

That, in bronze, will be fucking amazing.

-Well done.

-You did very well.

It's really good news, isn't it, Ja'mie?

I wouldn't be so sure if I was you, bitches.

# Learning to be me

# I'm learning to be me. #

This is the video that led me to be the victim of the politics

of a racist school!

You have the right, girls, guys, whoever you are,

to love anyone, no matter what colour their skin!

And as far as getting your tits out,

get your tits out, girls, whenever you like,

no matter how big they are, get them out!

Enough, enough, finish!

Madison, what are you doing? Get back in there, quickly.

Lauren, quickly, I need some help. We've got to get this off.

# Teach and you shall learn it

# Docendo Discimus

# Learning for a lifetime

# Docendo Discimus

# I'm learning to be me. #

The few weeks after Presentation Day were completely insane.

There was talk of me getting arrested for indecent exposure,

but that didn't happen.

'The videos that people shot of me topless

'became YouTube sensations

'until Hillford had them taken down.

'I did end up getting expelled from Hillford.

'So no HSC.

'All of us girls did. But we knew we would.'

-I'll probably check my Facebook, like, every day.

-Yeah.

'Some of the girls are going to repeat Year 12 next year

'at different schools. But not me.'

Oh, my God! I can't believe this is really happening.

Don't... Stop!

-Don't cry, Ja'mie.

-Oh, my God.

'Dad cancelled my schoolies week trip to Bali, but I didn't even care.'

You have the best time.

'Cos what happened this year has made me realise

'that there's more important things out there.'

I love you. Prefect promise. I love you guys so much.

'I finally realised what I need to do with my life.'

-Bye, Ja'mie.

-Bye, guys!

See you, guys! Love you.

-Love you, bebs!

-Have fun, babe!

Love you guys! I love you so much.

I fucking love you so much. ILY!

Love you!

Love you!

'I decided to spend my gap year doing aid work in Africa,

'in Uganda, where Kwami and his people come from,

'like I'd always planned.

'I want to get amongst the people who need me most,

'leave my mark in the world

'and finally do something genuinely compassionate for my fellow man.

'And you don't need your HSC or a private school education in Africa,

'just a generous spirit and a kind heart.

'But what I also learned this year

'is that there's something more powerful than anything in the world -

'more important than school, friends or helping Africans.

'And that's love.

'If you really love someone, nothing gets in the way.

'This year, I fell in love with a boy, and it changed my life.'

Kwami! Kwami! Come and help me to clean.

'I may be a simple private-school girl, but I know one thing.

'When it comes to love,

'it's important you find someone of equal looks,

'class and colour.

'And once you find them, never let them go.'

Hi, I know this sort of seems like the ending.

Well, it WAS, but in the life of a teenage girl,

six months is a really long time.

And a lot can happen.

So I thought I'd give you an update.

'Basically, I've started at a new school this year.

'I'm doing my HSC again.

'And I'm at this incredible new school

'where you don't even have to wear uniforms.

'It's really alternative and stuff.'

One more, everyone in.

'My mum and dad really wanted me to go to another private school

'and they tried to book me in,

'but I forced them to let me go to Blaxland.'

The cameras.

'I mean, it's like a public school,

'but, like, everyone's here is really good-looking so you can't even tell.

'And, like, there's no Asians here, which is really good.'

I was so over the whole private-school thing,

do you know what I mean? It's such a fake world.

I was just, like, sick of having to prove myself

to, like, this outdated institution run by corrupt people.

I'm all about expressing my true self, you know, like, being me.

How good's the Greeky?

'And, like, here at Blaxland, I make my own rules,

'I can wear what I want, I can do what I want 24/7.'

I found this cockatoo feather, it's so random.

-It's so pretty.

-Yeah.

And, guys, I'm thinking of doing, like, a feather art major thing.

'Like, I'm really expressive and creative here.

'Like, my new friends are really cool.

'They're such genuine, cool people.

'And, you know, there's a lot of love here.'

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, sorry.

'Basically, I ended up dumping Mitchell.'

He just kind of...he kept sort of, like, grinding against me

with this, like, full boner and stuff and like...

I just wanted to gag every time I thought about his dick.

He kept sending me a dick pic every day.

I was, like...I couldn't even deal. So I dumped.

-Mmm.

-Good?

'Then the weirdest thing happened.'

So, I have decided to go through my bisexual phase.

'So I'm gay at the moment, and I'm dating a girl.

'Her name's Astrid. And we're really in love.

'Yeah, she's amazing.'

Do, like, a tonguey.

This is my girlfriend, Astrid.

-Say hi.

-Hi.

As you can see, she's really quiche.

Um, yeah. Show 'em the tattoo.

This is a tattoo that I made her get.

Oh, my God, it's so cute.

It killed to get, she said, but...

-You know, we're so in love.

-It's love.

Yeah, it was worth it.

I love that you're wearing the ring that I got you.

'It's so great being in, like, a committed relaysh with Astrid.

'Like, we're just so into each other.'

I just love feeling what I feel at the moment, do you know what I mean?

I fucking love these. I'm so glad

-you're wearing all the stuff I got you.

-I know.

'But, like, it's not all roses. Like...

'Me and Astrid, we have, like, issues just like straight couples.'

Do you want to get dumped, is that what you want?

Cos I'll fucking dump you.

OK, babes, I will go back to the cock at any fucking point.

I can, all right? If that's what you want, I fucking will.

-No, no.

-I fucking hate you. Forget it.

Don't even fucking text me for, like, two days.

'It's really cool being the hottest bi girl in the school,

'cos all the other girls are really into me for obvs reasons.'

We should totes go op-shopping and stuff together.

-Mm.

-Hey, Ja'mie.

-Hey!

-Hi, Ja'mie!

Hi, guys!

'All of the prefects got into Blaxland as well.

'They're all going here, so it's really good.

'We're all back together again.'

Oh, my God, have you guys seen that new app?

It turns your face into an Asian person.

-Yeah!

-It's so good.

I know, I look so ugly as an Asian.

I'm really disgusting.

Ja'mie, I forgot to tell you, so apparently Erin's got a boyfriend

and because she's, like, all Christian,

she's going to get married so they can have sex.

That's disgusting! I fucking hate Christians.

Imagine rooting that fucking fat bitch.

-Seriously!

-So gross.

He would, like, suffocate on her flabby twat.

ALL: Ew! No, he would!

One, two, three, four.

Me and the girls, we've really matured a lot since Hillford.

Like we're really different now.

We've learned a lot.

Um, can you stop staring at me, Asian guy?

Seriously, are you right?

Ja'mie, I think he's, like, Eurasian. He's kinda hot.

-Oh, my God, he's actually quiche.

-Yeah.

Um, sorry, I didn't mean you. Sorry.

Asian guy, sorry for calling you Asian. You can watch if you want.

OK. Let's do it again, he's watching.

So it's five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four.

'And me personally, I've come a long way since Hillford.'

I'm sitting in the middle.

'Like, I just learned so much about life.'

Move! Astrid's sitting here.

It's Astrid's seat. I fucking told you, I changed my mind.

Sit here.

'I'll never forget Hillford Girls Grammar.'

Everyone, legs together on a slight angle here.

'It was my home, it was my everything.'

Can we get some other girls on either side of us, please?

'And you know what? No matter what happens, no matter who I become,

'and how I change over the years as I grow into a woman...'

Hold my hand.

Actually, don't.

'..deep down inside, I'll always be a private school girl.'

SHUTTER CLICKS REPEATEDLY