Episode 5 Ja'mie: Private School Girl

This programme contains very strong language.

'I'm pretty much guaranteed to win this year's Hillford Medal...'

The homeless. The retarded. The black

'..because I've demonstrated Christian values like crazy

'and I've excelled in all areas of school life.'

I would now like to introduce to you my latest project, Kwami.

APPLAUSE

They haven't announced it yet, but it's also pretty likely

'I'm going to be performing my dance solo at Presentation Day.

'My dad's been a total freak about me and Kwami spending time together.

Kwami, get to your own room. No more visiting each other's rooms.

No offence, Dad, but you're a massive bastard.

'And last week was the worst week of my whole entire life.'

-Have you kissed him?

-Yeah.

-Bitch! Hit her, Ja'mie!

-Fucking hit her.

SHOUTING

'My best friend stole my boyfriend from me

'and I slumped into a deep depression.'

Can you pass me my Marie Claire?

'But I'm back at school today with a whole new image.'

Oh, my God, this is going to be good!

'And everyone's going to lose it when they see me.'

I can't wait till Monday.

She's back and she's a motherfucking rebel!

-Yay!

-Oh, Kwami, it's going to be so good.

# Have you seen that girl Have you seen her

# She's the freakiest thing You gotta meet her

# You do whatever it takes to get her by your side

# Ooh-whoa

#She can't sing, she can't dance

# But who cares She walks like Rihanna!

# She can't sing, she can't dance

# But who cares She walks like Rihanna!

# Have you seen that girl Have you seen her

# With the way she moves... #

Oh, my God, Ja'mie. You look incredible!

GIRLS SQUEAL

I missed you guys so much. Seriously...

-Oh, we missed you too.

-I love you so much.

ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY

Seriously. Seriously, I fucking missed you.

How fucking hot do I look? Seriously.

I can't even deal with how short your dress is!

I know. How good is it? Check out the earrings.

OK, your tan is legit the hottest thing I've ever seen.

-You're so dark. You look like a Latino person.

-How good is it?

-It's amazing...

-It's so cool.

Your hair extensions are so hot, I... Oh, my goodness.

I know, check 'em out. They seem really real.

-They match my real hair so much.

-Yeah.

I'm feeling really sort of indie, you know.

-I felt this is like... It's more me.

-It's such a good look on you.

-You look so hot.

-You look amazing.

I know. How good are the wristbands?

Oh, my God, Mr Hayes is going to kill you for them.

Um, do I look like I care?

GIRLS LAUGH

I know. It's so cool.

Girls, Jamie! Can you pop that rubbish into the bin, please?

Yes, Miss.

Actually, maybe I will, maybe I won't.

-ALL LAUGH

-Don't even do it.

-Ja'mie, this new you is great.

-We're not her slaves.

We told Madison she can't hang out with us any more

with the Mitchell thing.

-Oh, my God, that's so cool.

-She started crying, but we didn't care.

-Who's she hanging out with?

-Brianna's group over there.

-It's so tragic.

-Oh, my God. That is ridic.

I saw her this morning at the front gate

macking on with him in front of everyone.

Yeah, she's a slut. Seriously, she's a slut.

And you know what? I don't even care about Mitchell any more.

-He can, like, do whatever.

-Yeah, fair enough.

Seriously, that guy has, like, the smallest dick I've ever seen.

-Did you actually see it?

-How small?

-Yeah.

Oh, my God, so, like, what did you guys do while I wasn't here?

-Like, what did you talk about?

-Um, nothing...

Just been talking about how much we missed you.

How much is everyone looking at me now? It's so obvious.

-Yeah, there's...

-Hi, Ellie.

-Ellie!

-Oh, my God.

-GIRLS LAUGH

Anyway, I just love being a rebel.

-It's really good.

-Yeah.

It's good to just be able to, like, express myself.

It's like I feel that this is, like, my true self.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, private school girls are such sheep.

Be original for once in your lives. Well, not you guys but, like...

-Yeah.

-Oh, my God, Ja'mie, you look amazing!

-I fucking missed you so much!

-Oh, my God!

-How fucking good do I look, seriously?

-You look ridiculous.

You know you're going to get caught out, though?

Care factor.

So why is your dad here? I saw him before. He was near the office.

-My dad's here?

-Yeah. Literally just saw him before.

-He was near the office.

-Seriously, it was definitely my dad?

-Yeah.

-That's weird.

-Did he tell you he was coming?

-No. What's he doing here?

I don't know...

-What are you doing here?

-Don't act all innocent, Jamie.

-You know what you've done.

-What?

I've seen the video.

What video? I don't know what you're talking about.

-What video?

-You know.

I don't.

Jamie, you exposed yourself in front of a black boy on Skype.

Then you've gone and posted it on Facebook!

I did not post anything on Facebook, seriously.

I have not posted anything on Facebook.

You have got your chest out on Facebook, Jamie.

I'm so ashamed, man. I can't even look at you right now.

I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, my God.

I kicked out the black guy. He's gone.

No! Dad! You can't kick him out. Why did you kick him out?

-You're an idiot.

-I don't have time for your shenanigans, OK? He's gone.

If you seriously kicked him out, I fucking hate you forever.

Sir, if you just let me explain...

Courtney hacked into my Facebook

and posted the video without my permission.

Like, it was a private video. No-one was supposed to see it.

And I didn't even know the African had filmed me doing it.

It's, like, her fault for doing it.

It's down now. I took it straight down.

-It better be.

-It was only up for, like, two minutes.

-Courtney...

-Bitch.

Where did the video come from? Both of you, please.

Where did the video come from and how did you get hold of it?

-Stole it off me.

-It was on my computer, in my room.

And the African must have recorded it while Ja'mie was flashing him.

So I thought it might be funny to pretend I was her

and post it on her page.

How did you get into my page anyway?

I worked out your password - Mitchell.

-Little bitch.

-Jamie, control the language.

She's breaking the law. You can't hack into people's pages.

This is a serious issue.

I haven't seen this video, and I'm not sure I really want to.

Ms Welham, I understand you've seen it, though?

Yes, it was forwarded to me.

Now, from what I've heard, this is a recording of a Skype conversation

in which your breasts are exposed, the young man's genitals are out,

he's playing with himself, you are in your full school uniform

and you're singing the school song. Is that correct?

Well, I haven't seen the video, as I said so...

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, don't muck me around.

Did you partake in an activity with that young man?

-Yes, I did.

-Thank you.

After everything I've done to bring you up well.

-I'm appalled at this.

-Of course you are.

You know, the two of you are just as bad as each other!

-I'm disgusted, man.

-Good.

Do you understand, Jamie, how damaging this is

to the school reputation if this video leaked any further?

Yes, I know, Miss. That's why I would never have posted it.

Such a stupid, dumb fuckin' little bitch.

-Hey, Jamie...!

-Stop using this disgusting language!

We're only here because she broke into my Facebook and posted it.

We at Hillford have an impeccable track record and reputation

as one of the state's leading girls' education facilities.

This sort of thing can be catastrophic to a school like ours,

not to mention the spin-off effect to the Anglican Church.

And not only have you jeopardised your reputation

and your entire future, you've put Hillford Girls Grammar

at serious risk in making this video.

The press would have an absolute field day with this.

So I think it's really important that we're clear

and sure that this video goes no further, that no-one else sees it.

I took it straight down

and it was only up for a couple of minutes, and...

-Yeah, heaps of people saw it.

-No, it only got, like, three views.

-Both of you.

-She saw it.

-Both of you...

I want the video destroyed. I want every copy deleted.

-Are we clear? BOTH:

-Yes, sir.

Thank you.

You can be assured I will be taking action to discipline them.

-Thank you.

-No more computers.

-As if.

-No more friends over.

Grounded for the rest of the year.

You're not grounding me. Seriously, I'm not two.

And also no more schoolies week to Bali.

No. There's no fuckin' way you're cancelling Bali.

-It's off, Jamie.

-Dad, no way!

I would stop with the attitude right now, Jamie.

You are in serious, serious trouble.

And get those ridiculous earrings off.

All jewellery off. You're the School Captain.

Jamie, you could have destroyed all your dreams.

Your plans to do well in HSC,

your plan to do aid work in Africa during your gap year,

and right now, your chances of winning the Hillford Medal.

So is this going to affect my HSC?

Due to your impeccable track record up until now,

I am willing to overlook this incident with no further punishment,

so long as we're guaranteed that the video is gone.

It's definitely gone, Miss. I'll definitely get rid of it.

-I just feel really bad doing it.

-SHE SOBS

Jamie, tears are not going to change anything or help any of us.

Sorry, sir.

SHE SNIFFS

sorry.

# Do, do-do, do, do, do, do-do

# Oh, baby

# Do, do-do, do, do, do, do-do

# Oh, honey. #

So hang on. Your tits are out, in school uniform,

-and you're singing the school song on Skype?

-Yeah.

That couldn't be a worse list of things, Ja'mie.

Why didn't you just go into his room and suck him off or something?

Yuck! As if I would do that.

And why the hell were you singing the school song?

Because he sang me this like Ugandan traditional song.

It was really cute.

So I wanted to sing him something of mine, so I sang him the school song.

With your tits out, while he was jerking off over you.

-Yes...

-I love you, bebs, but you're a freak.

-Shut up.

-And you have to show me this video.

Not for your tits, but I want to see him doing his thing.

Oh, my God, here's our driver.

That's our car?

How the hell are you paying for this, Ja'mie?

Dad's AmEx. Bye, everyone.

-Bye!

-Bye, Ja'mie. Text me, OK?

-I love you so much.

-Seriously, ILY.

I love you. I love you so fucking much. Seriously.

-ALL:

-Bye!

-There he is.

-Yeah.

-Do I look good?

-Yeah, you look hot. Good luck, bebs.

All right, you wait over there.

Hi.

Kwami, hi.

I can't believe my dad kicked you out. Come talk.

Seriously, I'm legit devs about it.

How are you feeling about it? Are you sui?

Like, suicidal or what?

I want to stay.

Um... Well, you can't. Like, did you hear what happened?

Like, do you know how, like, we did that Skype sesh

where, like, I had my tits out and you had your dick out?

Well, you must have recorded it because my bitch of a sister

put it up on my fucking Facebook and then, like, my whole school

finds out about it, my dad finds out about it

and, like, it seriously almost ruined my whole future.

I love you.

Yeah, cool. I love you too.

Um, anyway, so it's...

OK, awkies. That was really weird.

Um... yeah. Obviously I love you too, but it's not, like, love love.

I love you, Ja'mie.

Thank you. Um...

Obviously I think you're cute, but I'm not...

Like, are you seriously in love with me or what?

Yes.

Um... OK.

Like, you're cute but obviously, like,

we're different in some ways so...

-Oh, my God.

-I want to stay with you.

In your room, in your bed.

OK, well, that's not going to happen.

Um, you realise I just came here to, like, tell you why you got

kicked out, that's all.

Um... OK, whoa. It's getting a bit rapey.

Um, I'm going to just be really clear with you.

No offence, but you are really povo,

you live in the Western suburbs and you're black.

And I am...this.

So, obs, it's never going to work out between us.

Like, I just reckon you should stick with your own people.

Like, there must be some hot girls, like, your style around here.

And to be really honest,

the only reason I let you stay with me

is because I wanted to win the Hillford Medal.

So...soz.

I love you so fucking much.

Um, cool.

I probably should go.

Um, and... Yep, cool.

Can you...

Codes, can you please come over?

Um, yeah, that's cool.

I probs won't be on Skype for a while

cos I'm banned from using it cos my dad's banned me so...

Chats whenevs, or not for a while. OK, catch you later. Um...

Fucking hell.

That was the most awkward thing in my whole fucking life.

-He was all, like, touchy with you.

-I know. I think he gets it, though.

I'm sick of the drama, you know?

Like, I just want to, like, enjoy my last week at school.

Enjoy Muck-Up Day.

Muck-Up Day's going to be so much fun.

-I know.

-When do you find out about the Hillford Medal again?

Um, the Hillford Medal's announced on Muck-Up Day. Friday.

Seeing the African really makes me want to see that dick shot again.

-Is it on your phone?

-It's in my dick pic album.

# Was crying all night I slept until noon

# I just wanna lie in my living room

# I know in my heart that you're not the one

# So I'll just stay home, watch VH1... #

And so your time at our college has come to an end

and may the Father, Son and Holy Spirit be with us all ever more.

-Amen. ALL:

-Amen.

That concludes this morning's Valedictory service.

I would now like to ask all Year 12s to please be upstanding

and to file out of the chapel for the very last time.

And, guys, if you're planning on signing your leaving jersey today,

remember not to get any ink or pen marks on your dress

because you'll need it for Presentation Day. Thank you.

ORGAN PLAYS

I'm so emoshi!

Let Muck-Up Day begin!

ALL SCREAM

# I'm on vacation tonight

# I'm gonna leave you behind

# I'm on vacation tonight

# I'm gonna lose my mind

# With someone new-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# With someone... #

Oh, my God. OK, wait till I say. Wait till I say. Wait till I say.

-OK, go. Go.

-Oh, my God!

Boys, come here!

-Shoot, shoot, shoot!

-Oh, my God!

Quick! Get them! They're hiding behind the tree.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Don't! Don't!

Oh, my God! THE GIRLS SQUEAL

-Retreat, retreat, get back.

-Oh, my God!

We need to get more toilet paper.

Oh, my God. Get more eggs. Are there more eggs?

Guys, there's Mitchell.

Oh, my God. I don't want him to see me. I don't. Don't let him see me.

Seriously, I don't want Mitchell to see me.

-Hi, Mitchell!

-I don't want him to see me. Please.

This is embarrassing.

-Is Ja'mie there?

-Yeah. She's hiding from you.

-Hi, Ja'mie.

-Ja'mie.

Hi.

Hey, check your phone.

-What?

-Why?

Show us, show us. What is it? What did he say?

Oh, my God. It's a dick pic.

-Oh, my God!

-GIRLS SQUEAL

Yeah. That's his dick. Oh, my God.

Hold on, let me see, let me see, let me see.

Yeah, it is, but like

he just thinks he can send me a photo of his dick...

He probably wants you back.

-Yeah, like I'm going to want him back.

-Oh, my God...

That's why he's doing it. He wants me back.

-Yeah, that's true.

-It's disgusting.

Like, he's trying to cheat on Madison

in the same way that he cheated on me It's, like, gross.

That's so wrong.

Seriously, I couldn't get back with him anyway cos I'm grounded.

Do you reckon Madison knows he's being such a slut

and sending you that?

Um, I don't know. I should probably tell her but...

-Yeah, you should tell her.

-Yeah.

-It's the decent thing to do.

-Better than what she did for you.

Like she should know what her boyfriend's doing.

Yeah, exactly. You gotta be the better person.

-Hi, Madison. How are you?

-Hi.

Um... Sorry to be the one to tell you

but I just thought I'd let you know

that your boyfriend just sent me a dick pic

and he said that he wants me back as his girlfriend.

So... Just letting you know.

What the fuck?

I'm serious.

Are you fucking serious? Are you telling me the truth?

-Yeah. I'll show you the picture.

-What the fuck?

Oh, my God. Yep, that's definitely his dick.

Show me the message saying he wants you back. Show me that.

I wouldn't want to put you through it.

Anyway, he said some really bad stuff about you too.

-What did he say?

-He said you're a really bad kisser.

And he said that, um...

you've got a really annoying voice.

-Really? My voice is annoying?

-Yeah. It's really annoying.

Um, and he also said that...

you were really flat and that you tell bad jokes

and that you've got this back acne

that makes him want to gag every time he touches it.

Are you fucking serious? What a fucking arsehole!

-I can't believe he said that.

-I know.

You should probably dump him.

Yeah, of course I'm going to dump him.

What a dickhead. I can't believe he said all of that stuff!

-I know...

-I'm so fucking embarrassed.

-Are you OK, Madison?

Um, he also said that you smelt too,

which I wasn't going to say but... he did.

God, I'm so mortified right now. Oh, my God.

I know. You would be.

I just think we should

forget about boys and, like, put friendship first.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, if you're willing to, I'd like to put the past behind us

and just, like, get on with being friends again

cos we're really good friends.

Like, we're both really hot and we're both...

You know, we've been BFFLs for the whole of Year 12

so why would we throw it all away?

Would you have Ja'mie back as your bestie?

Come on. Be my best friend again.

-Yeah, OK. Oh, my God, I've missed you!

-I fucking love you so much.

Oh, my God, it's been so bad not being your friend

and Brianna's group is so fucking boring.

-I know.

-I fucking hate those bitches.

Seriously, the love I have for you is so fucking big.

I know. I feel it too. Oh, my God. I love you so much, Ja'mie.

I fucking love you. Seriously.

Like, if I died right now,

loving you would be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

-Oh, my fucking God.

-Prefect promise!

Prefect promise! I fucking love you. Let's just go and enjoy Muck-Up Day.

-Yeah.

-It's the last day at school of our whole lives.

-Let's go and do some crazy shit.

-Oh, my God! This is going to be so good.

I'm so glad we're friends again. Oh, my God!

We'll go to the lockers and we'll tell everyone.

It's going to be the best day ever.

There's, like, toilet paper, eggs and shit.

# It's my party

# I do, do what I want

# Do, do what I want

# So while you sit and watch me

# I keep dancing alone,

# Da-dancing alone

# So put this record on and keep it going till I say, stop!

# If you were wondering if I give a damn, well, I do not

# Cos it's my party I do, do what I want... #

Sucked in, Year 7s!

SCREAMING

Little bitches!

-Stupid little bitches!

-ALL LAUGH

ALL SOB

This is for being a bastard to us for six years.

Let's go! Oh, my God!

ALL SOB

How fucking good was today? Oh, my God, it was so good.

I'm so emoshi about today. What did you write, bebs?

I wrote you're the quichest girl at school.

Oh, my God, I love you so fucking much. Mwah!

Oh, my God. I know...

Today's been so good.

ALL CHATTER

Oh, my God, girls! It's, like, five minutes till the final bell!

ALL: Oh, my God!

Guys, it's the final bell of our whole lives!

-I'm going to cry so badly!

-Same!

-Oh, my God.

-Ja'mie. Shut up. Look.

Oh, my God, isn't he doing the sculpture for the Centenary Centre?

-Why is he talking to Erin?

-I don't know.

Um, Erin? Who's the guy that you were talking to?

Um, he's the sculptor for the Centenary Centre sculpture.

Yeah, and why were you talking to him?

I found out I'm going to be the recipient for the Hillford Medal

and they want to do a cast this afternoon for me.

-Did you tell Ja'mie about the dance?

-No...

I get to do my dance solo at Presentation Day as well.

They just told me.

It's really good news, isn't it, Ja'mie?

Presentation Day's going to be so awesome.

Dancing AND the Hillford Medal. I'm so excited.

It's a shame it's not going to be you, Ja'mie.

I wouldn't be so sure if I was you, bitches.

Let's go.

What the fuck...?

-I currently want to kill myself.

-GIRLS: No, Ja'mie...

After everything I've done for you two as School Captain,

this is a massive slap in the face.

It came down to that essential criteria

and you did not fulfil what was required.

Your behaviour lately has been less than desirable, Jamie.

We did try to warn you about this, but you chose not to listen.

I don't know how you could even think we could consider you

for the Hillford Medal after that terrible video.

To be quite frank, you're very lucky we didn't ask you

to leave Hillford altogether.

I'm going to suggest something to you two

and you might want to listen very carefully

cos this is a very serious threat.

OK, if you two don't give me the Hillford Medal,

I might be forced to put that video online for everyone to see.

The video of me with my tits out,

singing the school song, in my school uniform,

in my Hillford uniform with my Hillford logo

-all over the internet...

-So you're prepared to put your

-reputation out there?

-..media's going to see it.

What are you going to do?

Seriously, what are you going to do about it?

If that's your attitude,

we can bring your relationship with Hillford to a close now.

We'll sign the papers and you can walk out the door.

My parents are paying school fees, so good luck trying to do it.

That means no exams, no HSC,

-no ATAR...

-You can't do that.

-..no university,

changing your future enormously.

-Is that a risk you really want to take?

-You can't do it.

-Oh, yes, we can.

-You can't, cos my parents pay the school fees.

My parents are your bosses.

I do not appreciate being bribed by a student, Jamie.

I'm not bribing you. I'm just telling you.

Understand, the Hillford Medallist is chosen. Done deal.

And I don't appreciate you accusing us of being unjust.

What I'm accusing you of

is awarding the Hillford Medal to a dumb fat lesbian,

when the most incredible student to grace your fucking playground

is being completely ignored

and treated like she's the scum of the earth.

The language is not going to change the deal.

And do you know why? It's because I'm having a relationship

with an African. I'm choosing to have an interracial relationship

and you guys can't handle it because you're so fucking racist.

You don't even realise how fucking racist you are.

-It's so fucked up.

-That's such an immature thing to say, Jamie.

Seriously, I should be reporting you guys to the newspapers.

I should tell the fucking Sydney Morning Herald.

Everyone should know that you're a fucking...

-You're a racist institution.

-Ja'mie, you are very...

Seriously, I'm sorry I don't go out with a white guy.

-You are clearly very upset.

-I'm not.

What we're doing here with the Hillford Medal

has nothing to do with your private life at all.

I think what you need to do is get over it.

-Face things like an adult.

-Get over yourselves.

Things don't always work the way you want them to. That's life.

What you need to do is act like an adult,

focus on the things that you really have achieved here at Hillford,

doing well in your exams and leaving all this ridiculous nonsense

behind you.

Sir, Miss...

I'm a winner.

I can't put this behind me.

Next time on Ja'mie: Private School Girl.

Welcome to the stage the winner of the Hillford Medal - Erin Walker.

Are you disappointed you're not getting the medal?

-No, cos I've got a plan.

-What do you mean?

-It's going to be fucked up.

-Bebs, you're twisted.

-OK, this is it.

-Breathe. Just breathe. You'll be fine.

ALL: Prefect promise.

I'm trying to get my word out

and I'm getting silenced by the school administration.

No-one fucks with me and gets away with it.