Episode 6 Lee Mack's All Star Cast

Hi, homies! Welcome to the totally sick Lee Mack's All Star Cast,

the fly joint that pimps up everyday home-girls like me.

Fo shizzle, mother.

See? Who says this show doesn't appeal to the young ones?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

GOSPEL SINGING

Oh, I'm regretting that! Ladies and gentlemen,

let's hear it for my house choir, The Gospel Honest Truth!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So called because they always tell the truth.

Have you enjoyed this series? Don't answer that.

Good evening and welcome to the show. In my all star cast tonight,

she's the star of Extras and Ugly Betty, it's Ashley Jensen.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Joining us on the sofa and debuting their new single, it's JLS!

SCREAMING

We've also got stand-up from the fantastic Tommy Tiernan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Sadly, there were some people we weren't able to cast for the show this week.

We couldn't cast Daniel Radcliffe as he's celebrating breaking box office records

with the final Harry Potter.

What a position to be in. Just 21 years old and he still has his whole life behind him.

Daniel should be well-prepared for his future after the Harry Potter series.

He's done a levitating spell, he's done a transforming spell,

now he can get to grips with his dry spell.

Don't worry - just cos you're a child star doesn't mean you haven't got a future, Daniel.

If you don't believe me, pop along to Macaulay Culkin's key-cutting and trophy emporium.

Now the Harry Potter films are over, Draco Malfoy actor, Tom Felton, has said he wants to be a rapper.

I can only think of one rap song about Harry Potter.

I've Got 99 Problems, But Quidditch Ain't One.

Robbie Williams couldn't be here tonight as he's recovering after falling ill with food poisoning.

There he is. With Mark Owen.

Sorry, his drip.

Robbie suffered food poisoning after eating dodgy lobsters in Copenhagen,

which meant Take That had to cancel a concert. It was awful. They were clearly past their best,

said one fan who went to see the band the night before.

He hung on till the last minute, hoping he would get better,

but finally had no choice but to cancel it. There's no way he could hold back the flood.

We also couldn't cast Simon Cowell tonight. Apparently he's too busy

drinking these anti-aging smoothies. Did you hear about this?

Let's be honest, at 51, he doesn't look a day over 30.

No, he looks a year over 50.

Actually, I start the day with a miracle drink of my own. It takes

years off your life. Vodka.

To be fair, he's had a close eye on his waistline for ages.

Of course he has, it's up to here.

Take your time.

Someone's just going, "Oh, I get it, yeah - drip!"

But luckily, we have been able to cast you, the studio audience!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Once again, I'm looking for one of you to join me in my sketch later in the show. Tonight, I'm after someone

who oozes sex appeal. Think of the last time you tried to look sexy.

In my case, it's when me and the wife do a bit of role-playing.

Less doctors and nurses, more patient and carer.

Hey, those bed sores don't lance themselves.

So, everyone - hi, girls.

So, everyone, prepare your sexy faces - three, two, one...

HE WHISTLES

This was a huge mistake.

Some great pictures there. Right, let's have a closer look at some of you.

LAUGHTER

You know what?

I don't know about the sex appeal, but you're certainly oozing something.

-What's your name?

-Tracy.

-Tell me, have you got a sexy story to go with that face?

-We were in the woods one evening doing our courting...

-You were in the woods doing your courting?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Are you a badger?

-No. LAUGHTER

-Who's we?

-My husband and I, Graham.

-Right. Did you find him in the woods,

-or were you with him before you went in?

-A motocross cyclist

came along at the crucial point, you know...

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

-Rewind a little bit there. When you say, the crucial point...

-Well, you know.

-So basically, at the moment of joy, shall we call it?

-Yeah. Ecstasy.

Ecstasy. That's another way of putting it. At that point...

A motocross cyclist came along with his headlights on full, Graham's backside was in the full beam and...

-Was there a full moon?

-Yeah!

And when I went to work the next day, this young lad, we were

staff training and he said, "Guess what I saw last night?

"This couple in the woods really going for it", and I just spat my coffee out. It was us!

-OK, thanks, Tracy!

-APPLAUSE

Right, let's have a look at another one.

LAUGHTER

When I said sex face, I didn't say you should grow a beard and look like a '70s porn star.

-What's your name?

-Pete.

-What's your story, Pete?

-Um, I was in a bar one night,

felt somebody come up behind me, started groping my bum,

then I heard this bloke going, "I do like big women."

And when I turned round, I think the beard put him off, really.

LAUGHTER

-I've got off with worse transvestites.

-Well, he bought me a drink.

-You let him buy you a drink?

-Yeah.

Was that the last thing you remember, then you woke up in his cellar.

HE PRETENDS HE'S GAGGED

-OK, thanks a lot, Pete!

-APPLAUSE

Right, shall we have at look at someone else?

LAUGHTER

I said sex face, not a sex case.

-What's your name?

-Helen.

-What inspired you to the sexy face there?

-Many, many years ago,

I was woken in my sleep with a distressed call...

-Oh, yeah!

-..from a friend... No, she needed my help.

I was naked. I quickly just grabbed the first thing,

which was an elasticated skirt, which just covered my assets.

-You got the skirt and just put it over like that?

-Yeah, literally. Just about covered everything.

Got in the car, I was bombing it down the road to go and get to her, then I saw the blue flashing lights.

Pulls up, tells me to get out of the car, and I said, "I really can't."

He can see that I'm sort of half naked, everything's showing.

So I explained my story and he just said, "Under the circumstances, go and save your friend."

-Did he ask to look under the bonnet?

-No, he didn't! Just as well, eh?

-Let's hear it for Helen!

-APPLAUSE

Shall we have a look at another one of you?

LAUGHTER

Do you know what... Oh.

Do you know what? If I ever go to jail, you're exactly what I think my prison husband would look like.

LAUGHTER

-What's your name, sir?

-Stewart.

-Hello, Stewart. Do you find your sexy face comes in useful?

I don't really need to use my sexy face. My sex appeal's in my shoes.

-It's in your shoes?

-Yeah. I've got sort of size 15 shoes,

and you know what they say about the size of a man's shoes.

-What do they say?

-Big socks.

Big socks. Take them off, put them over the woman's head, carry them home. Perfect.

-Perfect. Let's hear it for Stewart.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, I've made my decision. Do you know what? Because it's the last show,

you're all winners! We'll see you all in the sketch later on.

-Shall we crack on and meet the guests?

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!

GOSPEL SINGING

My first guest tonight starred in Ugly Betty and Extras.

Weirdly, I used to have a masseuse called Ugly Betty.

She did extras, too. My second guests have a lot in common with spiders.

They've got eight legs, when girls see them, they scream...

THE AUDIENCE SCREAMS

..and funnily enough, I found one stuck in my bath the other day.

Don't worry, I put a glass over him and released him - it was Aston.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Ashley Jensen and JLS!

SCREAMING

GOSPEL SINGING

Ha-ha-ha! What a gentleman, what a gentleman. Hello! How are you?

-Very well, thank you.

-How are you?

-I was going to kiss you.

-Go on, let's hug.

Let's have some man love! Yeah! I'm getting it, ladies.

I'm getting it! I'm getting it! I'm loving it!

I'm getting it and you lot are getting none of it!

Now, can I say something? On behalf of every 42-year-old man in the country,

-pull your bloody trousers up.

-LAUGHTER

Honestly.

Before we do anything, Aston, can you just sign this for my friend's daughter?

It's her birthday. The Aston doll.

-What's her name?

-Don't worry about the name.

-Just put er...

-LAUGHTER

Just put, congratulations on being the highest bidder.

LAUGHTER

Thank you. What are you waiting for? Do you want me to spell it?!

They've all got wee dolls?

Ashley's been away, so she's not up to date. Thank you very much.

Get that on eBay.

-Did you see the sexy faces backstage?

-Yeah. I loved them.

You must do sexy faces in the movies?

What's weird is, when I went to LA I suddenly had to know how to walk..

along a red carpet.

Once you see photographs of yourself looking like a potato going...

You learn your sexy pose and your sexy faces.

And you learn to do things like...

You get side on, shoulders back,

stomach in, bend your leg a bit.

Like that, lean back a bit.

CHEERING

It's an art form, nobody teaches you that at drama school!

Don't stop, carry on!

If you're Scottish and look like a potato, what's wrong with that? The blokes'll go, "Hm, chips."

That's true.

True.

What about you guys? Sexy poses?

Marvin's probably got the biggest sexy faces.

SCREAMING DROWNS OUT WORDS

-He's got a smoulder.

-Yeah.

Let's see your sexy face. Come on.

I can't do it now! CHEERING AND SHOUTING

There is a reason why you're not trying to look sexy to appeal to the girls because rumour is

that you're getting engaged. Is that right?

That's what we've heard in the papers.

-Wow!

-See, I mean...

-First we've heard.

-I'd like to know.

-Yeah, cos, it's in a magazine, what? Last week.

Apparently they know I'm going to propose,

where I'm going to buy a ring. It's like, give me a chance!

So you're going to buy a ring!

I ain't confirming anything.

Of course, it's Rochelle from The Saturdays.

It's spoiling any element of surprise for the poor girl, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Know what I mean? So it's true, it's going to happen? Well, like I...

LAUGHTER

Listen, seriously, joking apart,

if you are thinking it's going to happen soon, can I just say,

what better way to do it than on a national TV programme on

a Saturday night.

LAUGHTER

She's got to be here!

Of course she has.

Three rules - she has to be here,

the right sort of mood lighting,

and you have to have music, don't you?

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

On your knees. On your knees!

HOWLS OF LAUGHTER

Anything you want to say to me, Marvin?

I don't like being down on one knee in this position with Lee.

LAUGHTER

-He didn't ask me!

-Aw!

See, I wanted to pull his trousers right up as well, there.

-Of course you're already married.

-I am, yes.

-And you live in LA.

-I do, yes.

-Do you like it?

-I do. It took a bit of adjusting the first two years but, erm, I quite like it now.

I still hanker after Britain and, I don't know, we might come back.

I'm not being rude but it's like...full of weirdos, innit?

Isn't it?! You get a more eccentric person in LA.

You do. In fact, there is a guy you often see... Well, Jesus.

A man dressed as Jesus walks about.

Round about Easter he carries a cross. LAUGHTER

Hang on, he doesn't look like a big woman from behind, does he?

I believe JLS might be returning to X Factor, is this a true rumour?

Er, well... If we're invited.

-I heard you'd be mentoring.

-Yeah, we'd love to go to the judges' houses stage and do that.

How do you feel about the whole Simon - Cheryl...row.

You can never know because obviously, you know, whatever's

happened behind closed doors with those guys, no-one will ever know.

Just hazard a guess.

I'm not letting that go!

Whatever did happen, I think...

-We'd have to split up two and two.

-Yeah.

-Do that then.

-Two on each side.

-Who's on Cheryl's side?

LAUGHTER

The accent thing - was it a problem for you with your accent in America?

Didn't you do Ugly Betty in an American accent?

Well, yeah, I think they thought my accent in America was ridiculous enough...

LAUGHTER ..to use my own accent.

They were like, "Why try to morph her into being American

"when, that's funnier."

You met the Beckhams. Is that true, did they come on set?

-She was in it.

-Yeah, away at the beginning.

I remember, my friend Derek, who was playing my husband in the show,

we sat there going, "David Beckham's out there, what'll we do?"

"Are we going to sit here or go out and speak to David Beckham?"

And we were like, "Come on, let's do it!" We went out and I said, "Hello, I'm Ashley Jensen."

IMITATES: He went, "Brooklyn, Romeo,

"this is the lady that plays Christina in Ugly Betty."

-That's a good impression. A very good impression.

-APPLAUSE

Do you do any other impressions?

I used to do Frank Spencer when I was a child. Why did I say that now?!

You can't do a good one, go on, give us a Frank Spencer.

IMITATES: I did a bit of Frank.

I love it, I love it!

-Do you do impressions?

-Um, we try to. We do ridiculous... He does good impressions.

-Marvin, who do you do?

-CHEERING AND SHOUTING

We have a request!

-Who do you do?

-Arnie.

-You do him.

-No, you do Arnie!

IMITATES: Come on, Lee, do it now, do ten press-ups now, get down!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Listen, guys, we played a game before we came in tonight.

It's called the Do You Know JLS game.

So we asked our audience, which one of these guys do you think would make the best woman?

Now, the question is, what do you think they said?

-JB.

-JB?

-AUDIENCE SHOUTS

-Or Aston.

-See, no, Marvin, cos he looks like Rochelle!

Yes, it's true!

APPLAUSE

Ashley, who do you think would make the best woman out of these four?

-I think JB. Yeah.

-All right.

14% went for JB.

28% went for Marvin.

Oh, wow.

-Now, 8% went for Oritse.

-I'm definitely a guy!

CHEERING Hold on, how much...

That's the worst thing I've ever heard!

Is that you r chat-up line? See me, I'm definitely a guy!

50% went for Aston.

CHEERING

-It's all right being feminine.

-So I look like a girl.

You don't look like a girl.

You don't. You look like a...very attractive boy.

LAUGHTER

Like Sigourney Weaver.

Which one would make the best Mastermind contestant?

ALL: JB!

-That seems to be unanimous.

-Exactly, JB.

-JB, you got 54% of the votes.

Thanks. CHEERING

Oritse, a respectable 28%. Marvin, 16%.

I'll get one!

It's not looking good, Aston.

Do you want to know how many percent?

-Yeah, I do, yeah.

-Read it and weep.

-Aw!

-Two percent.

-Can't have brains and looks at the same time.

I thought you were going to say you can't be a woman and intelligent.

Sorry, I didn't say that! I thought he was going to say!

I thought he was going to say it!

BOOING AND LAUGHTER

-Steady on.

-My final one, when they bring out the new range of pants,

they're bringing out their new range of pants. Right. Who will sell the most?

AUDIENCE SHOUT

I'll give you a clue now. This is the biggest runaway result of all of them.

Is it Aston?

Aston - 72%!

CHEERING

Do you know what?

I genuinely got a sample from the manufacturers,

and I could choose any one I wanted, want to have a look?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Ashley!

Look!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our special stand-up comedy guest.

We're joined by a fantastic comedian, he's appearing in Laughs In The Park.

I'm delighted he's here, he's one of my favourites in the world,

please welcome the brilliant Tommy Tiernan!

APPLAUSE

# Get up, Stand up

# Stand up for your rights. #

Thank you very much. My name is Tommy. I'm from Ireland.

CHEERING

Yeah.

As you know, Ireland is in a big recession at the moment.

There's no money.

That's why I'm here.

The whole country is on the dole. Everybody.

Even the lady who gives out the dole,

is on the dole.

But I don't think it's anything that Irish people need to be afraid of.

We're used to hard times. We've always had recession.

Going back to the great potato recession...

of the 1840s.

When two million people died because of no potatoes.

Heaped on top of one another in the ditches.

"No! No! No potatoes!"

The fields were full of cabbages and sweetcorn,

but, "No, I don't like cabbage!

"I don't like the smell of it!

"It reminds me of the inside of a psychiatric hospital.

"Sweetcorn?!

"Don't be talking to me about sweetcorn.

"All sweetcorn does is hitch a lift from your mouth to your arse

"I'd rather die in a ditch of no potatoes

"than have sweetcorn laughing at me."

Now, politicians are coming to Ireland now to try

and cheer us up, and Barack Obama came and he said,

"Ireland, your best days are ahead of you!"

Great.

And what'll we do in the meantime?

That's like going for a drink with somebody and saying,

"Jaysus, we'll have some session next month."

I got married recently.

THEY CHEER

It's important, during a marriage, to make an effort, isn't it?

And I snore! Or do I?

It's just an excuse for me wife to hit me, that's all it is!

I have made an effort.

I got all this equipment from the anti-snoring association.

I bought it all. And I wear it all at the same time.

It's like a home-made Hannibal Lecter kit.

I wear a strip across my nose to open up the nasal passageways.

I wear a blue rubber mouthguard

to stop the air going down my throat,

and to stop my jaw from falling open,

I wear a strap.

A strap!

Across me head!

Like I'm in a Victorian mental hospital!

And, when it's all on, I can't talk. I can't talk!

Which is fine, except we have small children,

and sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night,

and it'll be my turn to go in and comfort them.

I roll out of the bed,

plowing across the landing with me big hobbit feet,

into the child, "What's wrong with you?!

"What d'you mean you can't sleep?! There's nothing to be afraid of!

"Your father is here now. Will I tell you a story?

"Once upon a time there was a man and he wasn't getting any rest,

"and he went insane!"

That's all from me, folks, thank you.

CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen, Tommy Tiernan.

CHEERING

OK, let's meet the members of tonight's cast

who can't even be bothered to leave their living room.

Yes, it's time for...

# When will I, will I be famous? #

# For 15 seconds, yeah! #

CHEERING

Wonderful.

You should join a band! That's how good you are.

Yes, 15 seconds of fame, and joining us on the sofa

to help judge the talent, it's Mr Tommy Tiernan.

CHEERING

OK, first up, it's last week's winner, Kaiya Maxfield.

-Are you there, Kaiya?

-I'm here.

Blimey, you've changed since last week.

First of all, you now seem to have half a moustache,

but more worryingly, you've got a violin growing out of your ear.

So what are you going to do for us this week?

-I'm going to perform a unique act.

-A unique act.

Not the first time that's been said to me on the internet, carry on.

Kaiya Maxfield, this is your 15 seconds of fame.

ALTERNATING VOICES: # Don't go breaking my heart

# I wouldn't if I tried

# Oh honey, you know that I'm getting restless

# Baby you're not that kind. #

KLAXON BLARES

APPLAUSE

She's a lovely woman but a bit too-faced.

-What do we think, guys. Tommy?

-A bit scary looking, eh...

..when she looks that way she looks a bit like Daley Thompson.

-Ashley, you liking it?

-She looks like Miss World or something

when she turns that way, with the crown on.

Very glamorous woman.

Thumbs up or thumbs down from JLS?

-Yeah, I'm going to give her the thumbs up.

-Yeah.

It's good enough for us. OK, thanks very much, it's Kaiya Maxfield.

Well done, Kaiya. Ron Jakes, are you there, Ron?

-Yes, Ron Jakes, yes.

-Blimey, are you coming straight from prison?

LAUGHTER

That's a disturbing looking image.

Right, OK, what are you going to for us tonight?

I'm going to be doing some Beyonce booty action.

WOO!

JLS, watch this, you'll like this.

LAUGHTER

Here we go, Ron Jakes, this is your 15 seconds of fame.

# All the single ladies... #

KLAXON BLARES

First question's got to be to Tommy. Did you like the crack?!

He's Irish!

I think if you listen carefully

you can hear the Lycra screaming for help.

-Ashley, are we liking that?

-Yeah, well, everybody's got a skill.

Do you know, not many men can pull of a mankini, but -

don't pull of the mankini, that's not what I meant!

Ladies and gentleman, it's Ron Jakes.

-Vicky Edmonds, are you with us?

-Yes, I'm here, Lee.

What are you going to do for us tonight?

-I would like to show you my performing puppies.

-What?!

Wow.

Vicky, I've already got you down as the favourite.

Uh, OK. Vicky Edmonds, with her performing puppies,

this is your 15 seconds of fame.

-Oh, no.

-Oh, here we go!

DISAPPOINTED GROAN FROM AUDIENCE

Oh, no! The wicked witch has turned me into a dog!

Oh, no, turn me back!

Hello!

KLAXON SOUNDS

Bit of advice, I think you should drop the woman from your act.

Was it supposed to be, like,

were you supposed to have turned someone into a dog?

Aston, come over here, sit on my knee.

Come over here, come here.

Come here, come over here.

AUDIENCE CHEER

Eh, do you know what?

There was no person in the story, it was both a little doggy.

They were both doggies.

It started with a doggy and ended with a doggy.

Eh, come on, get your head down, have a little sleep.

There's no people, it's all doggies.

APPLAUSE

Go and sit with your older brothers.

If you could just stay online a bit longer, Vicky,

cos we're just trying to get the RSPCA to locate you.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Vicky Edmonds!

APPLAUSE

-Scott Robson, you there, Scott?

-Yes.

-Hello, Scott.

So, tell me this, Scott Robson, what are you going to do for us tonight?

I'm hoping to make a big impression on you.

Good answer.

We like you already. Scott Robson, this is your 15 seconds of fame.

IMITATING VOICES: Hello, I'm Joe Pasquale.

And I'm Captain Sparrow. And Marge Simpson.

And Rachel Adedeji. That was awful.

Oh, Matron. I don't believe it!

Mr Norton, take out your wand. Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That was good, wasn't it?

Six weeks and finally we've found someone talented!

-Ashley, did you like him?

-Yes, he was my number one.

He's your number one. You're looking good, looking really good, Scott.

-JLS?

-I think he's got a job.

-He's got a job?

-Yes.

Scott, have you got a job?

Um, not currently, no, unfortunately.

You managed to say something positive and upset him.

So, who do you want to crown as this week's 15 seconds fame winner?

AUDIENCE SHOUT "SCOTT!"

-OK, to Tommy first.

-Yeah.

-Go to deviant judge first.

I think the man wearing the cheese string should win.

-That was brave.

-Tommy's liking the mankini man. Ashley?

Well, I liked Scott at the end,

but I would quite like to see mankini's encore.

We don't want to see his encore.

The boys of JLS, what's your decision? You have to speak as one.

You know what, if this is going to be Lee Mack's Got Talent

right now, I'm going to have to go with Scott.

CHEERING

OK, congratulations, Scott, you are now the champion of Fifteen Seconds Of Fame

How do you feel?

Absolutely amazing. Excellent. Thank you.

The crown will be winging its way to you.

Hey, question for JLS.

Have you ever had the urge to dress up as women

and come back to my place, eh?

Of course you have.

APPLAUSE

PHONE RINGS

Lee Mack's All Star Cast. Oh, hi, Mr Murdoch.

Yeah, I can't believe you were attacked with a custard pie

and your wife had to dive in and save you.

Can I ask a question on everyone's lips?

How the hell did you pull her?

KNOCK AT DOOR

It's TV's Emma Bunton!

CHEERING

What's a Spice Girl like you doing in a place like this?

Er, my agent said you wanted to see me about being on the show.

Yeah, take a seat. Not over there.

No-one puts baby in the corner.

LAUGHTER

-Is it all right to call you Baby?

-Well, it depends.

Do you mind if I call you Grandad?

Seriously, do me a favour, if I do come on the show,

can you stop harping on about the Spice Girls?

-OK, why don't we talk about you judging on Dancing On Ice?

-Fine.

I'm a massive fan of Orville and Dean.

It's Torvill.

Orville and Torvill?

No, Jane Torvill and Christopher Dean.

So who's Orville?

Oh, it's that little bird with the funny eyes.

I know, you said - Jane Torvill, but which one's Orville?

Maybe I should talk about something else. Yes, er...

Oh, I do Heart radio.

Oh, I don't. I heart telly. It's much better.

You don't get Babestation on the radio.

KNOCK AT DOOR

It's my beloved landlady Miss Drent!

CHEERING

I've been asking for rent for the past six weeks now

and I've actually had enough, so right now I've got back up.

You can meet...my sisters.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-VERY HIGH PITCHED VOICE:

-Listen!

We ain't going nowhere till we get what we came for.

Blimey, you should change your name from JLS to PMT!

Pay up or else.

I tell you what, I'll flip you for it.

It's a deal, show him Aston. I mean, Angie.

CHEERING

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Come on, girlfriends, we outta here.

Whoa! Whoa! Girlfriends?

I thought you said sisters?

If you're all girlfriends, you're welcome round here any time.

-Now, the Spice Girls...

-What did I say before?

Can we just stop going on about the Spice Girls?

OK, sorry.

Ciga-cigar?

I'm not joking.

-I didn't get you round here to talk about coming on my show anyway.

-Well, what am I doing here then?

I'm putting together a tribute band and I'm one short.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I'm a baby short of a full set.

You're a sandwich short of a picnic!

No, Geri ate that.

Who do you think you are?

Oh, good! You remember the words then.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm here for the Spice Girls tribute auditions.

-I think you might be a bit old, love.

-No, no, no!

Not me - it's my granddaughter.

# I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want

# I want hey I want hey

# I want a hey hey hey he. #

Perfect, you're in.

APPLAUSE

Spare a thought for the runner who had to change Tommy's nappies after that.

That's it for tonight,

and the series so a big thanks to my house choir The Gospel Honest Truth!

And all the members of my cast, Ashley Jenson.

CHEERING

-Tommy Tiernan.

-CHEERING

-Emma Bunton.

-CHEERING

And of course Tracy, Pete, Stewart and Helen.

And playing us out with an exclusive performance of their new single,

out tomorrow, She Makes Me Wanna, it's JLS!

SCREAMING

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# OK!

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# JLS!

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Yeah

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# I can't explain what's gotten into me

# My sanity is in the passenger seat

# I let her drive She is my guide

# We're flying reckless tonight

# Direct me to the floor

# And turn it up some more

# I'm-a get it on on on o-on

# Direct me to the floor

# And turn it up some more

# I'm-a get it on on on o-on

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# London to Jamaica

# LA to Africa

-# She makes me wanna

-Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# I think her eyes are hypnotising me

# Something about her turns me into a wild thing

# I'm mesmerised, down for the ride

# We're flying reckless tonight

# Direct me to the floor

# And turn it up some more

# I'm-a get it on on on o-on

# Direct me to the floor

# And turn it up some more

# I'm-a get it on on on o-on

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

-# Makes me wanna

-Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# London to Jamaica

# LA to Africa

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# London to Jamaica

# LA to Africa

# Oh no no

-# London to Jamaica

-Whoa oh whoa oh yeah

# LA to Africa

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# All around the world

# London to Jamaica

# LA to Africa

# She makes me wanna

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]

Wow, this is the dream that I've always had and it's finally coming true.

There's just one thing missing.

Perfect!