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This programme contains some strong language. | :00:10. | :00:16. | |
Hello and welcome to the fourth addition of No Such Thing As The | :00:17. | :00:29. | |
News, coming from Greenwich in London. My name is Dan Schreiber. I | :00:30. | :00:37. | |
am sitting here with the panel. Once again, we are here to bring you the | :00:38. | :00:41. | |
most interesting things we've found in the news in the last seven days, | :00:42. | :00:46. | |
like the fact revealed by the BBC that, as well as being the head of | :00:47. | :00:51. | |
the Church of England and the Armed Forces, the Queen also wanted to be | :00:52. | :00:56. | |
the head of the George Formby appreciation Society. She apparently | :00:57. | :01:01. | |
knows all of his songs and she can sing them pitch perfect. That is | :01:02. | :01:09. | |
your Queen. Let's begin. Here we go. Starting with you, James Harkin. The | :01:10. | :01:15. | |
Euro 2016 trophy was named after a man who retired from refereeing | :01:16. | :01:18. | |
after accidentally swallowing his own whistle. He was a French man who | :01:19. | :01:30. | |
worked at the French football Federation. He had earlier played | :01:31. | :01:35. | |
for a team in Paris and became a referee. One day he was hit in the | :01:36. | :01:40. | |
face with a ball and he swallowed his whistle. He also lost to macro | :01:41. | :01:46. | |
teeth. Then he became an administrator and thought of the | :01:47. | :01:50. | |
idea of the Euro Championships and they named it after him. Did he | :01:51. | :01:57. | |
always speak with a slight whistle afterwards? I was looking at the | :01:58. | :02:03. | |
referees and they all have day jobs outside of being referees. If you | :02:04. | :02:07. | |
line them up and say, here they are... Which one of these men was it | :02:08. | :02:20. | |
who sent you off? They all have day jobs and they include, two lawyers, | :02:21. | :02:28. | |
an insurance broker, and RE teacher, an ambulance driver, an estate agent | :02:29. | :02:32. | |
and an alleged multimillionaire who is doing it for fun. One of the | :02:33. | :02:39. | |
referees was voted the worst referee at the 2014 World Cup. One more | :02:40. | :02:50. | |
chance. That is nice. He was too harsh on the rules. When you look at | :02:51. | :02:56. | |
the harshest moments for referees, they are extremely harsh. I found | :02:57. | :03:01. | |
the earliest red card given to anyone, two seconds into the match. | :03:02. | :03:09. | |
What did he do? Did he look at the referee Fannie? It was Taunton East | :03:10. | :03:19. | |
Reach Wanderers. The referee blew the whistle and the striker | :03:20. | :03:32. | |
went, fuck me, that was loud! He was red carded after two seconds. | :03:33. | :03:45. | |
Talking of loud whistles. Did you see that a school has banned | :03:46. | :03:49. | |
whistles in its playgrounds because it thinks children might be too | :03:50. | :03:53. | |
frightened by the sound of the noise and teachers have to raise their | :03:54. | :03:57. | |
hand into the air at the end of play time to get the attention of pupils. | :03:58. | :04:03. | |
I want to give you a quote from a teacher, Pamela Cunningham. She said | :04:04. | :04:07. | |
you was going to keep the whistle in her pocket. He said, in case of | :04:08. | :04:13. | |
emergency, she would keep a handcart whistle on her at all times. What | :04:14. | :04:20. | |
kind of teacher has a hand carved whistle? It is exciting at the | :04:21. | :04:35. | |
moment. The International football Association board has just made 95 | :04:36. | :04:40. | |
changes to the rules. Most of them are quite Dahl. Some of them are | :04:41. | :04:45. | |
fun. They have had to register various things. If a manager dies in | :04:46. | :04:53. | |
front of a ball, it was a goal. Players wearing tights have to make | :04:54. | :04:58. | |
sure they are matching with their shorts and the tights of their | :04:59. | :05:04. | |
team-mates. So, here is an example of a footballer wearing bad tights. | :05:05. | :05:11. | |
These tights are bad. You are a footballer, do not wear these | :05:12. | :05:16. | |
tights! Think he has a ladder in them as well. I was looking at the | :05:17. | :05:24. | |
teams in Euro 2016. Iceland love football so much. They reckon if | :05:25. | :05:30. | |
they made to the final, of the entire population will be over for | :05:31. | :05:35. | |
the matches. 10% of the population of Iceland will be in France | :05:36. | :05:43. | |
watching the final. If you are a burglar, go over to Iceland. The | :05:44. | :05:48. | |
mascot will be this guy. That is what I used to look like when I had | :05:49. | :06:07. | |
a Venus for a nose. The problem is, if you search for super victor toy, | :06:08. | :06:14. | |
this is what to get. It is the name of a sex toy. It is quite extreme. | :06:15. | :06:22. | |
It says on one of the sites, but where, not for beginners. This this | :06:23. | :06:29. | |
is really interesting. British fans have been told by the French | :06:30. | :06:34. | |
government, if they are Courtois they are over there seeing any | :06:35. | :06:39. | |
prostitutes, they will be sent to sex school. I do nothing that is to | :06:40. | :06:44. | |
make them better at it. What they mean is, they will give them lessons | :06:45. | :06:49. | |
on how immoral it is and they will get a fine and they will have to go | :06:50. | :06:55. | |
to sex school and be taught. We will have to move on very shortly. One | :06:56. | :07:02. | |
last piece of whistle news from the East Anglia and daily Times. A | :07:03. | :07:07. | |
search is under way for a brass whistle stolen from a steam engine | :07:08. | :07:13. | |
housed in a separate museum. Police are appealing for information from a | :07:14. | :07:19. | |
museum in Stowmarket. The whistle was taken sometime between 8th of | :07:20. | :07:33. | |
May and 20th of May. Where were you? You just have a line-up of referees. | :07:34. | :07:42. | |
OK. Time to move on to fact number two. Andrew Hunter Murray. In the | :07:43. | :07:48. | |
recent Romanian elections, you are no longer allowed to give people | :07:49. | :07:52. | |
free buckets to vote for you. This is from a website called Romania | :07:53. | :07:57. | |
insider. It is grateful that they have just changed the rules for | :07:58. | :08:01. | |
Romania in local elections. There were a lot of free gifts given out. | :08:02. | :08:07. | |
Candidates can no longer give out branded pens, hats, mugs, T-shirts, | :08:08. | :08:15. | |
hats, lighters, matches, food, alcohol, cigarettes or buckets. One | :08:16. | :08:25. | |
guy has just been sentenced to prison for bribing voters with | :08:26. | :08:29. | |
grilled chicken. If you think that is a minor offence, he gave out 60 | :08:30. | :08:40. | |
tonnes of it. Just on the one guy! The reason those elections have been | :08:41. | :08:47. | |
in the news, there is a town where three candidates all had the same | :08:48. | :09:01. | |
name. You could vote for the same name. The first guy won 1200 votes. | :09:02. | :09:15. | |
Is it a really popular name? It is. It means big onions. It has not just | :09:16. | :09:24. | |
been Romanian elections this week. Hillary Clinton, it seems, will be | :09:25. | :09:32. | |
the Democratic candidate. I read a really good article in USA Today. | :09:33. | :09:38. | |
What might we call Bill Clinton is Hillary becomes president? You | :09:39. | :09:43. | |
cannot call them first lady. I thought they should call him First | :09:44. | :09:50. | |
Lad. They said may first gentleman or former President Clinton. It | :09:51. | :09:58. | |
could be President Clinton's husband, President Clinton. It would | :09:59. | :10:13. | |
be easy. One in admin. Recently, the candidates have been given their CIA | :10:14. | :10:17. | |
codename. Hillary Clinton were inherit the one she had when she was | :10:18. | :10:23. | |
in the Bill Clinton Administration. She will be called Evergreen. Donald | :10:24. | :10:30. | |
Trump's codename is Mogul. Prior to that, there was a public debate | :10:31. | :10:36. | |
about people being asked what they wanted their codename to be. Donald | :10:37. | :10:44. | |
Trump said, Hamble. He is a master of irony. Another chose, justice | :10:45. | :10:50. | |
never sleeps. He is asleep. It turns out American politicians | :10:51. | :11:10. | |
have more fun websites and British politicians. With Hillary Clinton, | :11:11. | :11:16. | |
she is selling so many interesting products. On her tote bag, it said, | :11:17. | :11:27. | |
girls just want to have fun! I really like that. There is a- and | :11:28. | :11:36. | |
everything. She also has, I have not seen them so much in the UK but you | :11:37. | :11:40. | |
can buy chilling things going around your pan of drink. It says on the | :11:41. | :11:48. | |
front, it says Hillary Clinton .com. On the back it says more like | :11:49. | :11:55. | |
Chillary Clinton. Underneath, am I right? There is a candidate called | :11:56. | :12:06. | |
John McCarthy. He is standing for the Libertarian party. He has been | :12:07. | :12:14. | |
an antivirus software pioneer and an international fugitive. It reads | :12:15. | :12:18. | |
technology behind their presidential candidate. He used to read eccentric | :12:19. | :12:21. | |
millionaire and still alive. The Libertarian party are | :12:22. | :12:29. | |
interesting because they have an important role in this election | :12:30. | :12:33. | |
because we have the two least popular candidates for about 100 | :12:34. | :12:37. | |
years running for President, so a lot of votes might go to the | :12:38. | :12:41. | |
Libertarians, the third biggest party. But they are riddled with | :12:42. | :12:45. | |
slightly eccentric people. They have their party conference last week and | :12:46. | :12:49. | |
there is a man called James Weekes who was running to be the | :12:50. | :12:53. | |
chairperson. He stepped on stage to give his speech and instead of | :12:54. | :12:57. | |
giving his speech, music started playing and he started to take his | :12:58. | :13:03. | |
clothes off. By the time was down to a leather thong, were booing loudly. | :13:04. | :13:08. | |
He leaned into the microphone and said, sorry, I did it for a dare, I | :13:09. | :13:15. | |
am out of the race. I have another Libertarian candidate. This man | :13:16. | :13:23. | |
called vermin supreme. Is he related to super victor? Yes, the sex toy. | :13:24. | :13:28. | |
He wears a Wellington boot on his head at all times, advocates regular | :13:29. | :13:33. | |
tooth-brushing and a free pony for every American if he becomes | :13:34. | :13:37. | |
President. They have events in America for fringe candidates but he | :13:38. | :13:40. | |
is the only one who hasn't been invited back, because during the | :13:41. | :13:46. | |
2011 event he started to glitter bomb the other candidates. I have a | :13:47. | :13:50. | |
nice picture of him glitter bombing this man. I love it when people | :13:51. | :13:56. | |
still attempt to look dignified whilst being glitter bombed by a man | :13:57. | :14:04. | |
with a boot on his head! We are halfway through the show and it is | :14:05. | :14:07. | |
time for the stories you have sent in on e-mail and social media. I got | :14:08. | :14:18. | |
this one which is from the Guardian. A great sunken city of the coast of | :14:19. | :14:23. | |
Greece has been tested and found to actually be made of microbe waste. | :14:24. | :14:28. | |
They saw all of these structures under their water and they thought, | :14:29. | :14:33. | |
it is obviously a building. They tested it and it turns out that you | :14:34. | :14:37. | |
have microbes and when they risk by they make a rock. They were in | :14:38. | :14:41. | |
circles which people thought were columns, but they were on events, so | :14:42. | :14:46. | |
all of the microbes sat around a circle and built them up in a little | :14:47. | :14:52. | |
column. Really cool. Imagine if the Colosseum and the Parthenon are just | :14:53. | :15:02. | |
piles of microbe waste. OK. This was treated in. This is from ITV News. | :15:03. | :15:08. | |
After ace beading vehicle was stopped by police in Swindon and the | :15:09. | :15:13. | |
four occupants ran forward, police constables pattern gave chase | :15:14. | :15:16. | |
shouting that he was a dog handler and then he started barking. To his | :15:17. | :15:21. | |
astonishment, one suspect gave himself up when he heard the barking | :15:22. | :15:29. | |
and was promptly arrested. Wow! He now has a career as an impersonator. | :15:30. | :15:34. | |
Haven't they done something where they have started to text criminals | :15:35. | :15:40. | |
and say, and yourself in? Sussex Police. They just text criminals who | :15:41. | :15:46. | |
go, sorry, I have been busted, see you later. This one is that there | :15:47. | :15:56. | |
has been a Bactrian camel born in Chicago Lincoln Park zoo, the first | :15:57. | :16:01. | |
since 1948, named Alexander camel town. Time for fact number three, my | :16:02. | :16:12. | |
fact. Mine is that as well as being a great boxer, Muhammad Ali was also | :16:13. | :16:19. | |
a great magician. However, he was also a terrible magician because, as | :16:20. | :16:23. | |
it was against his religion to deceive, he immediately told | :16:24. | :16:28. | |
everyone how he did the tricks. Straightaway. He could do over 30 | :16:29. | :16:33. | |
card tricks, he could levitate. He was like, I will explain how that | :16:34. | :16:37. | |
happened. Tragic news, Muhammad Ali has passed away and his funeral was | :16:38. | :16:42. | |
today. Nice things are coming out about his respect for every detail | :16:43. | :16:46. | |
for his religion. He has a star on the Hollywood walk of Fame, and his | :16:47. | :16:50. | |
is the only one that is not on the floor but on the wall. That was as a | :16:51. | :16:55. | |
result of his request that he did not want anyone to be walking over | :16:56. | :17:01. | |
the name of the Prophet Muhammad. He had multiple interests. This is one | :17:02. | :17:04. | |
of the things that is so great about Muhammad Ali. He was active in a lot | :17:05. | :17:10. | |
of directions. He was a poet, wrote some excellent poems. I particularly | :17:11. | :17:15. | |
like the one he wrote about his rumble in the jungle. For this | :17:16. | :17:24. | |
fight, I wrestled with alligators, tussled with a wail, handcuffed | :17:25. | :17:27. | |
lightning and through Sunday in jail. I can drown a drink of water | :17:28. | :17:34. | |
and kill a dead tree, wait until you see Muhammad Ali. He was a great | :17:35. | :17:39. | |
literary figure. There was a feeling that the great theory that he was | :17:40. | :17:43. | |
not very literate and even the books he collaborated on, he had not read, | :17:44. | :17:47. | |
which might be why he used so many rhymes in his sledging. One couplet | :17:48. | :17:53. | |
that has been in my head - Ali fights great, he has speed and | :17:54. | :17:58. | |
insurer -- speed and engine runs. If you decide to fight him, increase | :17:59. | :18:06. | |
your insurance. There was an article in the Coventry Telegraph. He was a | :18:07. | :18:12. | |
Coventry man, wasn't he? Well, he did once go to Coventry, and that is | :18:13. | :18:16. | |
what they talked about. He only ever went to one football match. Despite | :18:17. | :18:23. | |
knowing he was a famous Muslim they served him am sandwiches at | :18:24. | :18:27. | |
half-time. Being the polite man that he was, he took the ham out and he | :18:28. | :18:33. | |
ate the bread. He went on a feud tours of Britain and one of the ones | :18:34. | :18:37. | |
he was in the north-east and he played darts against the former | :18:38. | :18:41. | |
world number one darts player with the best nickname. He is called | :18:42. | :18:55. | |
David Allan Evans. Once, he was in Manchester and he was selling | :18:56. | :19:05. | |
Ovaltine. Muhammad Ali? Yes. He went to Tesco in Stretford. What is this | :19:06. | :19:13. | |
story? He went to Tesco in Stretford and he was selling Ovaltine and | :19:14. | :19:16. | |
thousands of people turned up and the police had to be called to keep | :19:17. | :19:20. | |
them away. The police could not quite understand it was because it | :19:21. | :19:24. | |
was Muhammad Ali. They thought the reason there were so many people | :19:25. | :19:27. | |
going mad was because some of them thought he was giving away free tins | :19:28. | :19:34. | |
of Ovaltine. It is annoying because you have a way of calming down the | :19:35. | :19:44. | |
crowd. He was very afraid of flying so it is interesting how many world | :19:45. | :19:48. | |
tour is heeded. When he did the Olympics in Rome, he was so flaky -- | :19:49. | :19:52. | |
afraid of flying that he would wear a parachute for the entire journey. | :19:53. | :19:57. | |
There is a story about him in a plane about to take off and the | :19:58. | :20:01. | |
stewardess said, can you put on your seat belt. He said, Superman does | :20:02. | :20:06. | |
money do seat belt. She said, Superman doesn't need a plane. | :20:07. | :20:15. | |
It is hard to tell it is Superman because he puts on those glasses and | :20:16. | :20:21. | |
it does not look anything like him. One of the things that he can do is | :20:22. | :20:25. | |
that he can compress his spine and so he is a little shorter than | :20:26. | :20:32. | |
Superman, Clark Kent. Nice detail. That is why no one can tell, even | :20:33. | :20:37. | |
though he looks the same. If you lost an inch, I would have no idea. | :20:38. | :20:48. | |
He fought a famous fight in Tokyo against a mixed martial artist and | :20:49. | :20:56. | |
it was kind of hilarious, because the rules were altered specifically, | :20:57. | :20:59. | |
because this man did martial arts and Muhammad Ali was a boxer. It | :21:00. | :21:04. | |
ended up being that the man realised the only way to beat Ali was to lie | :21:05. | :21:08. | |
on the floor and kick him really hard. He did this for round after | :21:09. | :21:14. | |
round. He lay on the floor, the Guardian said, like a hound trying | :21:15. | :21:19. | |
to scratch its pass on the carpet. Backing away and lashing out. The | :21:20. | :21:25. | |
report said he might have to have his legs amputated because they had | :21:26. | :21:29. | |
been so badly kicked. The Rumble in the jungle against George Foreman in | :21:30. | :21:36. | |
1974, amazing sledging before the fight, but also mid-fight, whenever | :21:37. | :21:40. | |
he got the chance he would whisper to George Foreman, is that all | :21:41. | :21:44. | |
you've got, George? George Foreman said he thought it would be an easy | :21:45. | :21:48. | |
fight and by around six he was thinking, yes, that is about all I | :21:49. | :21:55. | |
have got. I thought you were going to say that he said, I also have | :21:56. | :22:05. | |
this handy toastie maker. OK, time for our final fact and that is from | :22:06. | :22:13. | |
Anna. My fact is that fish can be trained to spit in people's faces. | :22:14. | :22:18. | |
This story came out this week and is about archerfish. What they did was | :22:19. | :22:23. | |
to work out if archerfish camera cognize human faces. The way they | :22:24. | :22:29. | |
did used to whether they code was that they showed the archerfish on a | :22:30. | :22:34. | |
monitor screen two pictures of people. If the archerfish spat at | :22:35. | :22:38. | |
one of the people, they would be fed, so they learned that was the | :22:39. | :22:45. | |
one to spit at. And then they put that person, a picture of that | :22:46. | :22:50. | |
person, among 44 other faces the archerfish had never seen. In more | :22:51. | :22:56. | |
than 80% of cases, they spat on the correct person, so they could | :22:57. | :23:00. | |
identify the face. They even changed the shape and colour of the fish | :23:01. | :23:03. | |
sometimes, which goes beyond my facial wreck -- facial recognition | :23:04. | :23:11. | |
abilities. The archerfish could still work out which person to spit | :23:12. | :23:15. | |
at. Not to be confused with the Geoffrey archerfish, when it says, I | :23:16. | :23:20. | |
am the best at spitting in the world. Topical! I have never had the | :23:21. | :23:27. | |
chance to make Jeffrey archer joke in life. We can insert it into have | :23:28. | :23:36. | |
I got News for you from 1996. Archerfish are amazing. When they | :23:37. | :23:42. | |
are under the water, they fired jets of water and they cannot insects off | :23:43. | :23:46. | |
leaves and they fall into water so they can eat them. That is amazing | :23:47. | :23:52. | |
in itself, but if you think about it, their eyes are underwater, so | :23:53. | :23:55. | |
the density of water is different to air. It will be a fracture. Also, | :23:56. | :24:01. | |
you have gravity which pulls down the water. They have two games | :24:02. | :24:05. | |
somewhere that is nowhere near the insect and they still get it almost | :24:06. | :24:09. | |
every time. Archerfish use water as a tool, because the definition of a | :24:10. | :24:14. | |
tool is that you mould it to your purpose. They do that with water, | :24:15. | :24:19. | |
because they spit out the last bit of water faster than the first, so | :24:20. | :24:22. | |
the last bit catches up with the first hit, so by the time it hits | :24:23. | :24:28. | |
the insect, it all hits at once and has the power to knock it off. There | :24:29. | :24:34. | |
is a new app in Russia which is very popular and it is called find face. | :24:35. | :24:40. | |
You take a picture of someone on the street and it tracks them through | :24:41. | :24:44. | |
the social networks they belong to. Creepy! One of the founders | :24:45. | :24:56. | |
explained that it was not creepy. And he did it while he was doing | :24:57. | :25:02. | |
this! He said, it also looks for similar people. So you could upload | :25:03. | :25:07. | |
a photo of a movie star or your ex and fined ten girls who look similar | :25:08. | :25:11. | |
to her and send their messages. Breen macro you are right, that is | :25:12. | :25:13. | |
not creepy at all. This week, there was a fish hack, | :25:14. | :25:26. | |
where people invent mobile things to do with fishing. The winner was | :25:27. | :25:31. | |
great Lake saviour, which is a real-time app which takes that | :25:32. | :25:34. | |
project and flow data of the great Lakes to work out when Asian carp | :25:35. | :25:40. | |
will spawn. They are an invasive species and you need to know when | :25:41. | :25:45. | |
they spawn. Another which did the same thing was called carpe diem, | :25:46. | :25:53. | |
which would have been good, right. Another one which did not win tried | :25:54. | :25:57. | |
to get the phone to analyse molecules in a fish and tell you | :25:58. | :26:05. | |
what species it is. If you do not trust the signage. One third of fish | :26:06. | :26:11. | |
in America are mis-sold. There was a companion app for fishermen, which | :26:12. | :26:18. | |
sounds good. So sweet. Is it if there is another fisherman on | :26:19. | :26:22. | |
another boat? Yes, you nowhere years. Is it like grinder for | :26:23. | :26:34. | |
fishermen? You are still 30 miles apart, I am afraid! OK, that is all | :26:35. | :26:41. | |
of our facts. Just time to share the facts we did not have time to get | :26:42. | :26:51. | |
to. This is from the Guardian. At London's first naked rest room, | :26:52. | :26:54. | |
which opened this week, staff have been asked to cover their genitals | :26:55. | :26:58. | |
for logistical reasons. -- restaurant. Minors from the | :26:59. | :27:09. | |
Australian broadcasting Corporation. A green tree frog in Australia has | :27:10. | :27:13. | |
been airlifted to frog hospital after being injured in a lawn mower | :27:14. | :27:18. | |
accident. The frog, which had to be x-rayed going through airport | :27:19. | :27:20. | |
security, is expected home next week. Mine was sent into us. The | :27:21. | :27:35. | |
fact is that at an anti-immigration demo in Germany, one demonstrator | :27:36. | :27:39. | |
turned up, plus 50 counterdemonstrators and 107 -- 170 | :27:40. | :27:45. | |
policemen. You need three people for it to be considered a demonstration | :27:46. | :27:50. | |
in Germany, so the counter demonstrators went away and so did | :27:51. | :27:57. | |
the police. Finally, Andy. This is from the Salt Lake Tribune. A | :27:58. | :28:01. | |
suspicious package left outside a launderette in a suburb of Salt Lake | :28:02. | :28:07. | |
City has turned out to be empty. Just time to go to Jane Hill in the | :28:08. | :28:13. | |
studio. I am not in the studio. I am in the pub. Hello, Bernard. That is | :28:14. | :28:24. | |
it from us and them in the pub. We will be back again next week. | :28:25. | :28:25. | |
Goodbye. with a new round | :28:26. | :29:07. | |
of celebrity rookies... | :29:08. | :29:10. |