Escape Room Not Going Out


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Escape Room

Sitcom. As a surprise for Lee's birthday, Lucy invites the whole family to join them in an escape room.


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# We're not going out

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# We're not staying in

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# Just hanging around with my head in a spin

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# But there is no need to scream and shout

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# We're not going out

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# We are not going out. #

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WATER DRIPS

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Is this because of what I suggested after we watched

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Fifty Shades Of Grey?

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Happy birthday!

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Can you put it back on again?

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It's an escape room.

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-A what?

-Well, you must have heard of them.

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-It's basically a room...

-And you have to escape.

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-So you do know!

-No, I just understand words.

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They're like a big interactive puzzle.

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The challenge is you're trapped somewhere

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and you have to try and find your way out.

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Right, well, call me Harry Houdini,

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but my instincts are pointing that way.

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We haven't started yet.

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The idea is that you're faced with problems

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that make the situation more difficult.

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-What sort of problems?

-How do, son?

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-Where's the bar?

-There's no bar, Frank.

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Like I told you on the phone, it's an escape room.

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When I was married to Lee's mum,

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an escape room was what we called the bar.

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HE LAUGHS

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It must have been a very difficult one, Dad,

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because you were in there for days.

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-Happy birthday, Lee!

-Happy birthday!

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Well, what do you think, Mum?

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Oh, it's so exciting! Who knows what might happen!

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Yeah, what is going to happen?

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I've no idea. When you book online, they tell you nothing.

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I hope you're not going to make the same mistake as last year, Lucy.

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Ah, yes, the notorious Thorpe Park outing.

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I don't know why everyone keeps banging on about that.

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Those rides are supposed to make you scream.

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When you're on them, yes, but not while you're in the queue.

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Oh, this is...lovely.

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Sorry we're late.

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Yeah, God knows how we're going to cope with an escape room.

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It took Anna three hours to get out of the bathroom.

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Let's crack on and try to get this solved,

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then we can get to Wetherspoons.

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It's Free-Pie-With-Every-Fourth-Pint Day today.

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How lovely, Frank. You can't buy class.

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True, but you've certainly tried.

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Look, there's an envelope on the table!

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You're the birthday boy, Lee, you should open it.

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-Are you sure?

-Yeah. What's the scariest thing it could be?

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Tickets for Thorpe Park.

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"You will see a padlock on the door.

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"Use it to lock the door from the inside."

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So...the adventure begins!

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Oh, hang on, don't do that. We'll be locked in!

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Yeah, maybe I should grab my phone from the car first

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-in case of an emergency.

-Oh, for God's sake, Toby, relax!

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Sorry, my husband does have an irritating tendency

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to be overly cautious.

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I don't know, I did say, "Until death do us part."

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No, the rules are, no phones.

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They were very specific about that on the e-mail.

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Wendy Adams doesn't cheat.

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Well done.

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I hope there's someone close by in case we need to open this door.

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Well, I assume you were greeted by the organisers.

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No, we followed the sign that said, "Go straight to the cellar".

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-Well, that's what we did.

-And us.

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Look, it's all perfectly safe.

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They'll be monitoring us...somehow.

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Lee, they'll open the door in an emergency.

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-You mean, if we want to go and buy...

-Not for drinks, Frank.

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This is the worst lock-in ever.

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So, now what?

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When my friend Pippa did a zombie escape room, they told her nothing.

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She just had to start looking for clues.

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I say we begin by examining the room.

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Ask yourself, what would Holmes do?

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-Sherlock?

-No, Eamonn.

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Presumably we should start by taking this cover off the table.

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Hm! It appears to be some kind of bomb.

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How exciting! Let's press the button!

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Don't do that!

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It's not going to kill you, Lee.

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These places work on repeat business.

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I know it's not going to kill us, I'm not an idiot.

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But it might, you know, shoot out sparks and make a loud noise.

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You mean like the ghost train?

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If anyone else mentions what I was like

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at Thorpe Park last year, I'll...

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Scream?

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Fine!

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Oh, my goodness, Lee, what have you done?

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-We've only got 60 minutes to live!

-You what?

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Don't worry, you were obviously supposed to press the button.

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There's no game without the bomb.

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So we clearly need to defuse it.

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There's something else written on the back of this note.

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"Look inside the cupboard door."

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Well, I've already looked, it's empty.

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No, you looked behind the door.

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You didn't look inside the door.

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Ah, well done, Frank! Very clever.

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Yes, well done, Frank.

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All those years of hiding things

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from prison wardens not completely wasted.

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It's a videotape.

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Oh, it's bang up to date, this experience, isn't it?

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What else is in there, a ZX Spectrum and the cast of Byker Grove?

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Greetings, my new friends, and welcome to my humble abode.

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It may not look like much but, believe me,

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it has everything you need to make your day go with a bang.

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I recognise that actor. Was he in Doctor Who?

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-He's not an actor.

-MAN LAUGHS EVILLY

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Yeah, you can say that again.

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He's a deranged madman, remember?

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So, can we all get into the swing of the game, please?

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Well, I'm sure I've seen him before somewhere.

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MAN LAUGHS EVILLY

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Yeah, well, it wasn't the BAFTAs, I'm telling you that.

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By now, you're probably all wondering, "Why am I here?"

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Yep.

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Allow me to explain.

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Life, as I see it, is one big test.

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And I failed, or so society told me.

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This handsome fellow was me a year ago, with my wife Penny.

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This was before I was sacked from my job -

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or streamlining, as they called it.

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Three months after this photo was taken, she left me.

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She took the kids with her.

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All because I failed to make the grade.

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Well, now, I'm putting you to the test.

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Pass and you leave in one piece.

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Fail...

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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..and you leave in hundreds of pieces.

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You probably think I've got a screw loose,

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but don't keep yourselves in the dark for too long.

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I reckon that last bit was a clue.

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Oh, well done, Toby. Nothing gets past you.

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Hard to believe this is my husband's first escape room.

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Did you not do the zombie escape room, Toby?

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No. But I do share a bedroom with Anna.

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Maybe we have to search for something.

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Let's think outside the box.

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He said his wife's name was Penny, short for Penelope,

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who, as Homer tells us, was the wife of Odysseus.

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I suspect that is the key to solving this challenge.

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Found it!

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Well, where did that come from?

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Well, as he said, there was a screw loose, and there was,

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on the back of this unit.

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So I took off a panel and I found this.

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-He beat you to it again, Dad.

-Hm.

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Yes, or as Homer tells us, "D'oh"!

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Well done, Frank, you're clearly ahead of the rest of us.

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Yes, well done, Frank.

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Somehow managing to get inside the mind of a bitter,

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delusional alcoholic better than anyone else.

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-Well, open it, then.

-How? It's a lock with numbers on.

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-I think I've got it.

-Go on!

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Was he the coroner in Midsomer Murders?

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It's Lee's birthday, try putting in his age.

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It's a three-digit padlock.

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All right, try putting in Geoffrey's age.

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It's quite clear to me how we should work this out.

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He said we wouldn't be in the dark for long.

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Now, if that's as literal as his previous clue,

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all we have to do is switch the lights off, thus revealing...

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Oh, yeah, it's gone dark, Geoffrey.

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Who'd have guessed that's what a light switch did?

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I assumed there'd be

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glow-in-the-dark numbers painted on the wall.

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Can someone just turn the lights on, please?!

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Good God, switch them off again.

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Frank, what are you doing?

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You see, there's two bulbs here.

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One's normal, one's ultraviolet.

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If I take out the normal one...

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-..it just leaves...

-Look! Frank, that's brilliant!

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How do you know about UV lights?

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They've got them in strip clubs.

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How intriguing!

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Ever worn handcuffs, Wendy?

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No, Frank, but I'm sure you've had to wear a few in your time.

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-What's happening?!

-Maybe they've turned them off because

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someone's about to get murdered!

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-I nominate Frank.

-Will someone find the bloody switch?!

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-Found it!

-Argh! That's not the switch!

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Sorry.

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-Argh!

-What's the matter?

-Somebody just grabbed my arm!

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Calm down, it's just a game!

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They've put something on me! Get it off!

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Right, come on, who did this?

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It's probably part of the game.

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Not everything that happens is part of the game, Dad.

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If I suddenly kick you in the bollocks, is that part of the game?

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I'd say it's worth a try.

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That door is padlocked from the inside,

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which means one of you lot must have done it.

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So whoever it was, get them off right now!

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Oh, calm down, Lee, it's not a real bomb!

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It probably just shoots out confetti.

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Yes, in my face!

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Yeah, it could go in his eye and cause an ocular trauma.

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Oh, for God's sake, Toby,

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no-one ever had a traumatic experience triggered by confetti!

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There's something engraved on these.

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"Find the enemy within."

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If that message was on the handcuffs from the start,

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it means that whichever one of us did this to Lee

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is in cahoots with the organisers!

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How exciting! We've got a dirty rat!

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And it's obvious who - Lucy. She's the one that did the booking

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and the only one that's been in contact with them.

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Not necessarily.

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When I booked, they asked me

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to provide the e-mail addresses of everyone in the group.

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Seemed odd at the time, but now I know why.

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-So, it's not you?

-No.

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-Anna?

-It's not me.

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-Toby?

-Not me either.

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-Dad?

-It's not me.

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Well, it's a brilliant system, Lee.

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It's only a matter of time before one of them cracks.

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This is pointless. It could be any one of us!

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Well, except Lee. It was a surprise, so I didn't give his e-mail.

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So how are we going to find out?

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I say the good, old-fashioned way, let's beat it out of them.

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Yes, good idea. I say we start with Frank.

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There must be a logical way of working out this.

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We need to examine all the clues in the room.

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And I say we start...with that swan over there.

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Hang on, why is he in charge?

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Because in any hostage situation,

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a natural order begins to take place.

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One person becomes the leader,

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others decide to stand on a table and become a stripper.

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This is how the Nazis started.

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All locked in an underground bunker with their husbands and wives?

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Actually, I think that's how the Nazis ended.

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Well, I'm not happy him taking the lead.

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All right, Frank, if you feel so strongly,

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-why don't you examine the clues?

-I will.

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What's the least humiliating for you -

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if I take it down, or I lift you up?

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-Taking it down would be better.

-I'll lift you up, then.

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How do you reach those magazines on the top shelf?

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So, how could this swan tell us who the secret agent is?

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Well, what do we know about swans?

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Well, a female swan is called a pen.

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Perhaps we could use a feather as a clue.

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A young swan is a signet, also a type of ring,

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which might relate to the handcuffs.

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-A mute swan...

-It was Wendy.

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-What?

-My dead swan.

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Swap the letters around and you get -

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Wendy Adams.

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Oh, don't be ridiculous!

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Well, it's either that or someone called Demys Wanda did it.

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It can't be her! Tell them, Wendy!

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Frank's right, it was me!

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I hate this bloody game.

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I got a mysterious e-mail a few days ago saying,

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"Your secret mission is to handcuff someone to the bomb.

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"If you succeed, your team will be rewarded with an extra clue."

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-Well, what clue?

-Once you worked out it was me, I'm supposed to say,

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"You need to look where I made my deal".

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-Well, what does that mean?

-I've no idea.

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Where did you make your deal? That's clearly where the next clue is.

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Please say a Threshers.

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Let's think about this.

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If Wendy's agreement was made by e-mail,

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well, one might say, on the web. Hm!

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Whereabouts is there a web? Well, spiders have webs, and...

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-Found it!

-Oh, for God's sake!

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She made the deal in secret,

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which some might say is under the table.

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This was stuck under the table.

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-Bravo!

-Very good!

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Ah, please, come on, this is getting embarrassing.

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I'm sure you can handle it.

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No, I meant embarrassing for you.

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Well, well, well!

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If you're watching this, it means you've passed the first test.

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Unlike me, thrown on the scrapheap at 45.

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But you've got more important things to worry about,

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like being handcuffed to a bomb.

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BEEPING

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Believe me, you don't want to be

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within half a mile when that thing goes off.

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-See!

-But guess what?

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I'm going to be helpful and give you the key to defuse the bomb.

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Oh, how wonderfully generous of the mentally unhinged gobshite!

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Just pause this tape and break away the plaster

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on the left-hand side of the TV

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and there you'll find the key.

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-Stand back.

-Seriously, stand back.

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Toby is useless at DIY.

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He once put up some shelves

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and accidentally injured me two rooms away.

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Accidentally.

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Two dolls.

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But each of them has got a key.

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Which key do we use?

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"Which key do we use?" I hear you ask.

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Well, that would be telling.

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One key defuses the bomb, the other one...detonates it!

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Well, which key is which?

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"Yeah, but which key is which?" I hear you ask.

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Well, that would be telling.

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"Oh, just tell us, you irritating twat!"

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I hear me ask.

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"Can we have another clue?" I hear you ask.

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Well, look a little deeper to see the bigger picture

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to find which key gives the best result.

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-Well, what kind of clue is that?

-Why don't we just guess which key?

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What's the worst that can happen?

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Er...the bomb could explode in my face and disfigure me for life.

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Why don't we just guess which key? What's the worst that can happen?

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Let's think rationally.

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He said to look at the bigger picture.

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But there aren't any pictures.

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Hang on, yes, there is.

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-Where?

-On that first tape.

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Remember? Earlier, he held up a picture of his wife.

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-Clever!

-Well, Dad has a keen eye for other people's wives.

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He told us to look closer, so let's do that.

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Oh, my God! Look!

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-That's weird!

-What is?

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Lee, you're in the photograph.

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No, I'm not. It's probably someone who just looks like me!

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I wish I could tell you it was a Chuckle Brother,

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but it's definitely you.

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-What's going on?

-Probably just a coincidence.

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A coincidence?!

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I'm in that photo and I'm trapped in here, strapped to a ticking bomb!

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-Is it a wind-up?

-Probably, if it's ticking.

0:16:130:16:16

Oh! I get it.

0:16:170:16:19

-What?

-You lot, you're all in on this, to freak me out.

0:16:190:16:23

-No, we're not.

-If we wanted to scare you,

0:16:230:16:25

we wouldn't need to do anything so elaborate.

0:16:250:16:27

We'd just take you on the log flume again.

0:16:270:16:30

I was the only one without a plastic poncho!

0:16:310:16:34

Hang on, this is even odder than we thought.

0:16:350:16:38

-Why?

-Because it's not just you in the photo. Toby's in it, too!

0:16:380:16:42

What?

0:16:420:16:43

That man chatting to Lee, it's you.

0:16:430:16:46

-Oh, yeah.

-When was this picture taken?!

0:16:460:16:49

Judging by Toby's jeans, I'd say 1983.

0:16:490:16:53

Snow-wash will have a revival.

0:16:530:16:56

I know exactly where that photograph was taken.

0:16:580:17:01

That is my department's Christmas party last year.

0:17:010:17:03

Do you remember, Lee, you tagged along for the free food and drink?

0:17:030:17:07

Right, this is getting seriously creepy now.

0:17:070:17:09

And I know why I recognise that guy now.

0:17:090:17:11

I worked with him at the hospital.

0:17:110:17:14

-You knew him?

-Well, hardly.

0:17:140:17:17

He was in IT, in the department that I joined,

0:17:170:17:19

but he left shortly after I'd started.

0:17:190:17:21

Left? He said on that tape he was sacked.

0:17:210:17:24

What exactly was your job in this new department?

0:17:270:17:30

-Doctor, of course.

-Anything else?

0:17:300:17:32

Well, I was brought in to implement some sort of efficiency programmes.

0:17:320:17:37

Which meant a bit of...streamlining.

0:17:370:17:41

-You got him the sack?

-Well, I could be mistaken,

0:17:430:17:45

it's difficult to remember, with all the staff that come and go.

0:17:450:17:48

So all this could be real!

0:17:480:17:49

That certainly explains the lack of drink.

0:17:490:17:52

Oh, my God!

0:17:520:17:54

Excuse me. If you can all rejoin me on planet Earth for a moment?

0:17:540:17:58

May I remind you that Lucy chose this experience, not vice versa.

0:17:580:18:03

Actually...that's not exactly how it happened.

0:18:030:18:07

-What do you mean?

-I didn't contact them, they contacted me.

0:18:070:18:11

I got a random e-mail.

0:18:110:18:13

It said, "Escape rooms - prices so cheap, we must be mad."

0:18:130:18:16

Ooo! Please keep talking, this just gets better and better!

0:18:170:18:21

I assume you checked out the company.

0:18:210:18:23

They must have had a website or something?

0:18:230:18:25

In the e-mail, he said he hadn't had a chance to set one up yet.

0:18:250:18:28

Said it was a brand-new experience and that we'd be the first.

0:18:280:18:32

He didn't say anything about us being the last, did he?

0:18:320:18:34

Look, he's not a maniac, this is all part of the game!

0:18:340:18:37

I think.

0:18:390:18:40

Of course, it's clearly part of the game, and Lucy's in on it.

0:18:400:18:45

-No, I'm not.

-How on earth would this man have got your e-mail address?

0:18:450:18:48

He was an IT expert, he could easily have hacked into my work e-mail.

0:18:480:18:52

And Lucy's copied in on various group e-mails I receive.

0:18:520:18:55

You know, Lee, important ones, like video clips of a drunk man

0:18:550:18:59

showing his arse crack at a family barbecue.

0:18:590:19:01

That was a very funny clip, actually.

0:19:030:19:04

-You didn't send it to me.

-Whose arse do you think it was?

0:19:040:19:07

So the man acquired Lucy's address somehow,

0:19:100:19:12

but if he wanted to harm Toby, why punish the rest of us?

0:19:120:19:15

You heard him on that tape, he's lost everything!

0:19:150:19:17

And now he wants Toby to lose everything, too!

0:19:170:19:19

Including his close friends!

0:19:190:19:21

But me and Geoffrey aren't his close friends!

0:19:210:19:23

-No offence, Toby.

-None taken.

0:19:230:19:26

-I'm not a close friend either.

-Still no offence.

0:19:260:19:28

I wouldn't even say we were particularly close.

0:19:300:19:32

Little bit of offence taken there, though.

0:19:360:19:38

All that maniac cares about

0:19:380:19:39

is that Toby is in here with some of his friends.

0:19:390:19:41

He doesn't care about the specifics!

0:19:410:19:43

-We're going to die!

-As I recall, you said the same thing last year

0:19:430:19:46

on the waltzers at Thorpe Park.

0:19:460:19:49

The waltzers were not being operated

0:19:490:19:50

by a man with a homicidal grudge against Toby!

0:19:500:19:53

It didn't stop you shouting hysterically

0:19:530:19:55

at the man spinning you around.

0:19:550:19:57

I was just trying to make the point

0:19:570:19:59

that "scream if you want to go faster"

0:19:590:20:01

is a system that is inherently flawed!

0:20:010:20:03

Tell me this, then - if the grudge is against Toby,

0:20:070:20:10

why did they not handcuff him to the bomb?

0:20:100:20:13

That is a good point.

0:20:130:20:16

-Actually...

-I am starting to hate the word "actually"!

0:20:160:20:20

I was suppose to handcuff Toby,

0:20:200:20:22

that's what it really said in the e-mail.

0:20:220:20:24

But in the darkness, I got Lee by mistake.

0:20:240:20:26

Well, why didn't you tell us this before?

0:20:260:20:28

I was worried I'd got it wrong. I thought they'd stop the game!

0:20:280:20:30

Well, why did he let us carry on if you'd broken the rules?

0:20:300:20:33

Well, he didn't let us carry on, did he? He's not here!

0:20:330:20:35

He's probably 50 miles away, waiting for this bomb to explode!

0:20:350:20:38

Don't be stupid. He's upstairs with the rest of the game's organisers,

0:20:380:20:42

listening in and laughing at your ridiculous rantings!

0:20:420:20:44

-Actually...

-Don't you start!

0:20:440:20:47

He's not. There's nobody upstairs.

0:20:470:20:49

When I turned up, I was desperate for the bog,

0:20:490:20:51

so I went searching.

0:20:510:20:53

Trust me, we're in a derelict old building in the middle of nowhere.

0:20:530:20:57

And you tell us this now?

0:20:570:20:58

Well, I don't know how this works, do I?!

0:20:580:21:00

I've never done it before!

0:21:000:21:02

Normal people celebrate their birthday

0:21:020:21:04

by opening a can of Special Brew

0:21:040:21:05

and sticking a candle in a Mr Kipling!

0:21:050:21:07

There's a poetry to the sadness of your life, isn't there, Frank?

0:21:090:21:13

Right, enough is enough!

0:21:140:21:15

If this is somebody's idea of an elaborate joke, it's not funny!

0:21:150:21:19

So this is your last chance to tell me...right now!

0:21:190:21:22

-Well, it's not us.

-Look, I really did work with him at the hospital

0:21:220:21:25

and I really could have got him the sack.

0:21:250:21:27

And he really did e-mail me out of the blue, I swear to God!

0:21:270:21:30

-Dad?

-Me?

0:21:300:21:31

My idea of an elaborate wind-up

0:21:310:21:32

is breaking wind when you pull my finger!

0:21:320:21:34

-It's not us.

-Wendy and I wouldn't do anything like this.

0:21:360:21:40

Seeing you teary last year on Billy Badger's Big Bumpy Boat...

0:21:400:21:43

..that was embarrassing enough, Lee.

0:21:480:21:49

I wouldn't want to go through all that again.

0:21:490:21:52

-Oh, my God, it is real!

-No, it isn't!

0:21:520:21:55

Nobody puts a digital timer on a bomb!

0:21:550:21:57

Look, it's even got a switch on the back to turn the bloody thing off!

0:21:570:22:00

RAPID BEEPING

0:22:020:22:03

Oh!

0:22:050:22:06

Funny how time seems to go faster when you're enjoying yourself.

0:22:060:22:09

DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL

0:22:090:22:11

Oh, good! He's included some dramatic music

0:22:110:22:13

because this isn't quite tense enough!

0:22:130:22:15

-Geoffrey, what have you done?

-Nothing! It isn't real!

0:22:150:22:19

-Is it?

-Yes, it is! We're going to die!

0:22:190:22:21

-And it's all my fault!

-None of us are dead yet!

0:22:210:22:23

We've still got a chance of solving the puzzles and getting out of here!

0:22:230:22:27

Frank, you're the problem-solving genius, which is the right key?

0:22:270:22:30

Oh! Er... I don't know!

0:22:300:22:33

Oh, you see, when we really need him, he's got nothing!

0:22:330:22:35

You're just jealous because I'm better than you at doing mammograms!

0:22:350:22:39

The word is anagrams, you imbecile!

0:22:420:22:44

Stop it, the pair of you! Now think, and quickly.

0:22:440:22:48

The man said, "Look back at the old clues."

0:22:480:22:50

Yes, and we did that, and we made the connection to Toby.

0:22:500:22:52

But how does that help us now?

0:22:520:22:54

Well, last time, when we worked out that Wendy was the secret agent,

0:22:540:22:58

it was linked to the swan.

0:22:580:23:00

This time, it might link Toby to the dolls.

0:23:000:23:02

Yeah, but we don't have an anagram this time,

0:23:020:23:04

we only have the letters A and B.

0:23:040:23:06

All right, all right, all right, let's think about this.

0:23:060:23:08

Two Victorian dolls, each with a key,

0:23:080:23:10

both made of fine biscuit porcelain.

0:23:100:23:11

What do we know about fine biscuit porcelain?!

0:23:110:23:13

-Got it!

-You can't have!

0:23:130:23:15

-I have! It's, er...

-Don't!

0:23:170:23:19

Don't...don't say it, just give me a minute!

0:23:190:23:21

You what?! RAPID BEEPING

0:23:210:23:24

You'll be kicking yourselves.

0:23:240:23:26

I'll be bloody kicking you if you don't say it!

0:23:260:23:28

Oh, for God's sake, just spit it out!

0:23:280:23:30

It's an anagram of Toby - Toy B.

0:23:300:23:33

Goddamn it!

0:23:330:23:35

RAPID BEEPING

0:23:350:23:37

Wait! What are you doing?!

0:23:400:23:42

It's the key from Toy B.

0:23:420:23:44

The man said, "Choose the key which gives the best result,"

0:23:440:23:46

but the best result for who?!

0:23:460:23:48

The best result for him is if we blow ourselves up!

0:23:480:23:51

-So, do you think I should use the other key?

-I don't know!

0:23:510:23:54

Quickly! RAPID BEEPING

0:23:540:23:56

RELIEVED SIGHS

0:24:060:24:08

Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I thoroughly enjoyed that.

0:24:110:24:14

Perhaps you're all now willing to accept that this was just a game.

0:24:170:24:20

Bit of a coincidence, that man being a colleague of Toby's,

0:24:200:24:23

whether Toby got him the sack or not.

0:24:230:24:25

Well, flukes happen all the time.

0:24:250:24:26

I mean, look at Frank, solving all those clues.

0:24:260:24:30

Now, can we go to the pub, please?

0:24:300:24:32

Well, not quite. We still have to find a way to uncuff me.

0:24:320:24:35

And open the door.

0:24:350:24:36

Oh, well, the door's an easy one,

0:24:360:24:38

that's obviously what Key B is for. Toby?

0:24:380:24:40

It fits.

0:24:450:24:46

RAPID BEEPING

0:24:460:24:48

TIMER BEEPS

0:24:500:24:52

SIREN WAILS

0:24:540:24:57

What's going on?!

0:24:570:24:59

-Oh, my God!

-Open the door!

0:24:590:25:01

I can't! It won't open!

0:25:010:25:03

THEY YELL

0:25:030:25:05

Looks like you passed the test, Toby, but who cares?

0:25:050:25:08

I hate tests, and I hate you!

0:25:080:25:11

You know, most people

0:25:110:25:12

would just have stopped sending Christmas cards!

0:25:120:25:14

RAPID BEEPING

0:25:140:25:16

You're going to regret getting me sacked, Toby.

0:25:160:25:18

We're all going to die!

0:25:180:25:20

For once in your life, Toby, do something!

0:25:200:25:23

Oh, don't you worry - if I get out of here alive,

0:25:230:25:25

I'm going to have some pretty harsh things to say

0:25:250:25:27

about all of this on TripAdvisor!

0:25:270:25:29

RAPID BEEPING

0:25:290:25:31

It's going to blow!

0:25:310:25:33

THEY SHRIEK

0:25:330:25:35

RAPID BEEPING

0:25:350:25:36

SIREN WAILS

0:25:360:25:38

Prepare to die!

0:25:380:25:40

THEY SCREAM

0:25:400:25:42

RAPID BEEPING

0:25:420:25:43

BEEP!

0:25:430:25:45

BEEPING TO THE TUNE OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

0:25:450:25:49

# Happy birthday to me

0:25:490:25:51

# It was hilarious to see

0:25:510:25:53

# You all hide from a pretend bomb

0:25:530:25:57

# That was put there by me. #

0:25:570:26:00

Hip-hip!

0:26:080:26:10

No?

0:26:100:26:13

So, are you saying you arranged all this, Lee?

0:26:130:26:15

Yep!

0:26:150:26:17

With more than a little help from Greg.

0:26:170:26:19

Who the hell's Greg?

0:26:190:26:21

The IT bloke from Toby's work.

0:26:210:26:23

I got chatting to him at that Christmas party last year.

0:26:230:26:26

Told me that he'd handed his notice in.

0:26:260:26:28

-So, Toby didn't get him sacked?

-Nope!

0:26:280:26:31

He was leaving anyway, to start his own business -

0:26:310:26:34

-escape rooms.

-You got him to e-mail Lucy.

0:26:340:26:37

See, Geoffrey, you can get the clues when they're a little bit easier.

0:26:370:26:41

So, how did you know I'd sign up for it?

0:26:410:26:44

Because, Lucy, I knew, like every year,

0:26:440:26:46

that you would leave my birthday arrangements until the last minute

0:26:460:26:49

and sign up to anything.

0:26:490:26:51

I was just a bit surprised you did it without a Wowcher being involved.

0:26:510:26:54

-They're in my pocket, by the way.

-What are?

0:26:560:26:58

The keys. They've been there the whole time.

0:26:580:27:01

Big one opens the padlock on the door,

0:27:010:27:03

little one opens the handcuffs.

0:27:030:27:06

Why? Why go to all this effort?

0:27:060:27:09

Because, Geoffrey, perhaps now

0:27:090:27:10

we've got a different topic of conversation

0:27:100:27:12

other than how scared I was last year at Thorpe Park.

0:27:120:27:15

You scared us all senseless for that?

0:27:170:27:20

Here's us thinking we've been lured here by a madman

0:27:200:27:22

hell-bent on revenge.

0:27:220:27:24

When all along, we've been lured here

0:27:240:27:26

by a madman hell-bent on revenge.

0:27:260:27:28

Come on, everyone, pub.

0:27:280:27:31

Er...aren't you forgetting something?

0:27:310:27:33

Aren't you going to unlock me?

0:27:330:27:35

See if you can solve this riddle -

0:27:350:27:37

My first is in "never" and "no chance" and "no".

0:27:370:27:40

The second is in "bollocks to you".

0:27:400:27:43

Hang on! You can't just leave me here!

0:27:450:27:48

Come on, Lucy, it was only a bit of fun!

0:27:480:27:49

Oh, well, lucky you! You get to enjoy it for several more hours.

0:27:490:27:53

Are you winding me up?

0:27:540:27:56

Ha!

0:27:590:28:00

No!

0:28:030:28:04

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

0:28:040:28:06

Well, some people can't take a joke.

0:28:060:28:07

# We're not going out

0:28:120:28:14

# We're not staying in

0:28:140:28:16

# Just hanging around with my head in a spin

0:28:160:28:19

# But there is no need to scream and shout

0:28:190:28:22

# We're not going out

0:28:220:28:25

# We are not going out. #

0:28:250:28:28