Episode 2 Old Jews Telling Jokes


Episode 2

In the fine tradition of American Jewish humour, a group of pensioners from all walks of life gather together to tell their favourite jokes.


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language.

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JAUNTY MUSIC

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A long time ago, I was in basic training in the army.

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I had the day off and I went into Kansas City and I saw a sign.

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The sign said, "Tonight at 8 o'clock at the Parkway Theatre,

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"come see Herschel the Magnificent Jew."

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Of course, I was curious and I went. It was a good-sized crowd.

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At 8 o'clock, they introduced him, "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Herschel."

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He came out, he was wearing a bathrobe.

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He removed his bathrobe and he was perfectly naked. Completely naked.

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Now imagine, if you will,

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the largest masculine equipment you can think of,

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Herschel was four times bigger.

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And he had a bench in front of him and he put three walnuts on the bench.

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And he took his masculinity in his hand and he went, "Whap! Whap! Whap!"

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and he smashed them to smithereens.

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The audience applauded. When they were leaving the theatre, they were still applauding.

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20 years later, 20 years later!, I was again in Kansas City

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and I saw the same sign.

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"Tonight at 8 o'clock, Parkway Theatre,

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"see Herschel the Magnificent Jew."

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Well, of course, I went! It was the same thing.

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They introduced him, he came out, took off his robe,

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he looked exactly the same, hadn't changed an iota!

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And he put on the bench three coconuts, one, two, three,

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took his masculinity in his hands and he went, "Whap! Whap! Whap!"

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smashed them to smithereens!

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Naturally, I went backstage, I was curious.

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I said, "Mr Herschel,

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"why did you switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

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He said, "Well, my eyesight ain't what it used to be."

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LAUGHTER

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This woman has a dog and the dog keeps scratching his ear.

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She decides to take him to the vet.

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The vet takes a look inside the dog's ear and says,

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"He's got a really bad infection.

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"I'm going to put some drops in there for now.

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"You might want to consider clearing the hair out of his ear

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"so it doesn't recur."

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And she said, "The hair?"

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He said, "You have to get a depilatory, something like Nair.

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"Just put it into his ear. It will take care of the hair."

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She said, "Thank you."

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She takes the dog home and she goes to the pharmacy.

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She walks up to the pharmacist and says,

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"I'd like to buy some Nair."

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He says, "Great. You know, if you're going to put it on your legs,

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"don't shave for a week."

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She goes, "I'm not putting it on my legs."

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He says, "OK, if you're going to put it under your arm,

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"don't shave for a week."

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She goes, "No! It's not for my arm. It's for my schnauzer."

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And he says, "Well, then, don't ride a bicycle for a week."

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LAUGHTER

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A woman calls her friend. She says, "Becky, I understand you've got a new apartment."

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She says, "I do. Why don't you come visit?"

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She says, "I'd love to visit, but you've got to give me directions."

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She says, "I live at 1486, 86th Street."

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"Take the train. Get off at 86th St to see a big apartment house, 1486."

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"Outside's a double door.

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"With the right elbow, press down the handle from the door,

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"push open the door, you'll be in what we call a vestibule.

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"In the vestibule's a list of bells. I'm apartment 4B.

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"With the left elbow, press 4B,

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"it'll ring upstairs, as soon as I hear the ring, I'll buzz you."

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"When you hear the buzz, with the right elbow, press open the handle for the inside door,

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"push open the door, walk straight ahead to the elevator, with the left elbow, press up."

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"Get in the elevator, with the right elbow, press 4 for the 4th floor.

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"The door will open, you'll walk straight to my apartment, 4B.

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"You'll ring the bell with the right elbow, give a couple of knocks with the left,

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"I'll answer the door, we'll have coffee -"

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She said, "Just a second! What kind of directions is this with the elbow?"

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"The left elbow, the right elbow! What's with the elbows?"

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She says, "What, you're coming empty-handed?!"

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LAUGHTER

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On the same subject, in an apartment house,

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a husband comes home from work and he's really very angry and upset.

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The wife says, "What's the matter?"

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He says, "The super in this building, I can't stand him!

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"He's so conceited!" "What now? What did he do?"

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"He came up with me in the elevator

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"and tells me every woman in this building has given him a blowjob except one."

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She thinks for a minute and says, "It must be that snotty Mrs Cunningham!"

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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A man walks into the doctor's office.

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And the patient, in his left ear has a cucumber.

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In his right ear, he has a banana.

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And in each nostril, he has a carrot.

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He says to the doctor, "Doctor, what's wrong with me?"

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The doctor says, "I don't think you're eating properly."

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SHE GUFFAWS WITH LAUGHTER

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SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

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SHE SCREECHES WITH LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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OK, because of the miracles of modern medicine,

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an 80-year-old woman is able to conceive,

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carry a child for nine months and give birth to a healthy baby boy.

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She brings him home and a friend comes over and says,

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"Becky, I came to see the new baby boy. Show me the boychik."

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She says, "You'll have to wait."

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"What do you mean?

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"I took two trains and a bus to get here. Show me the baby!"

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She says, "No. Sit down and have rugelach and coffee. I'll show him to you later."

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"I don't want to see him later! I want to see him now! Show me the baby now!"

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"I'll show him to you when he starts crying."

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"What?" "When he starts crying, I'll show you the baby."

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She says, "What the hell do I have to wait...?!"

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She says, "OK! I forgot where I put him, OK?"

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LAUGHTER

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This gentleman owns a piano bar not far from the studio

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and he's auditioning for a piano player.

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So this gentleman comes in and the owner says,

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"How many years you been playing the piano?"

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He said, "I've been playing 15 years and I write my own songs."

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He said, "Really? Let me hear you play a song that you wrote."

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He plays a song and it's really good. The owner is impressed.

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He says to him, "What's the name of this song?"

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He said, "The name of this song is Kiss My Ass In Macy's Window."

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The owner looks a little chagrined, but he says,

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"Let me hear you play another song you wrote."

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So he plays another song and this is even greater.

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It brings tears to the owner's eyes.

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He says, "What's the name of this song?"

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He says, "The name of this song is Big Titty Mama."

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The owner says, "Look, you're a very talented guy.

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"I'm going to give you the job on one condition.

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"You come here, play your set, you go to the bar, you don't talk to anybody."

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He said, "OK!"

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The next night, he shows up for work, plays his first set,

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he gets finished, he goes to the bar, he sits down.

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Just before he's supposed to come back for his second set, he goes to the men's room.

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When he comes out of the men's room, a woman walks up to him.

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She says, "Do you know your fly is open and your shvantz is out?"

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He says, "Know it? I wrote it!"

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LAUGHTER

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This fella goes to the doctor. He gets his test results and says to the doctor,

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"Tell me about my test results." He says, "I have bad news and good news."

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He says, "What's the bad news?" He says, "You have a serious illness

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"and you maybe have three months to live."

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He says, "What's the good news?" "You see that good-looking nurse out there with the big boobs?

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"I'm fucking her."

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LAUGHTER

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The desperados in the Old West commandeer Wells Fargo,

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they shoot everybody, they got the strongbox.

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The only survivor is this little old Jewish man.

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They say to him, "Look, buddy, we're not gonna kill you

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"because we need you to be our lookout." "What are you talking...?"

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He says, "There are Indians in the hills.

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"You're going to ride shotgun with this gun and tell us if you see an Indian.

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"If you see an Indian and we tell you to shoot, shoot the Indian!"

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This little guy's scared. They put this rifle in his hands

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and they start to ride and the horses are going...

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Every once in a while, they nudge the guy and go, "Jew, do you see the Indian?"

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"No. There's no Indian." 20 more minutes, another hour...

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"Do you see an Indian?" "No, there are no Indians."

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Another hour. "Oh, yeah, there's an Indian high on that ridge. He's about this big."

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He says, "Keep your eye on him. You watch and if we tell you to shoot the Indian, you shoot."

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They go on for another hour. "Do you see the Indian now?" He says, "Yes. He's about this big."

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"Keep an eye on him. When we tell you to shoot, shoot."

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Clop, clop, clop. Another three hours. "Do you see the Indian?"

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"I see the Indian. He's this big." "OK, keep an eye on him. When we tell you to shoot, shoot."

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They come around the curve and there's this Indian.

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"He's huge! Didn't you see him? Shoot the Indian! Shoot the Indian!"

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He says, "How can I? I've known him since he was this big."

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LAUGHTER

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Thank you! Thank you! JANUTY MUSIC

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Mrs Stein goes shopping to her local kosher butcher.

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She picks up a chicken. She smells it here and there.

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She picks up this, and every angle for ten minutes.

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She says, "I don't like this chicken."

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The butcher says, "Lady, do you think you could pass a test like that?"

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A fella driving down Long Island Expressway sees flashing lights, pulls the car over.

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The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says,

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"Sir, do you realise that your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"

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He says, "Oh, thank God! I thought I was going deaf!"

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LAUGHTER

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So Max and Sadie are at home watching TV.

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She goes to the bathroom and about a minute later

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he hears her screaming, "Max! Max! Come quick! It's terrible!"

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He goes to the bathroom

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and he looks at her and she's sitting on the toilet,

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her legs are spread apart, her support hose down by her ankles,

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and she says, "Max, it was terrible.

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"A mouse came, ran up my leg and he went inside. What am I going to do?"

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He says, "I don't know. Sit there, I'll call the doctor."

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He goes to the phone, calls the doctor and the doctor says,

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"Just relax, don't get nervous, I can be there in about 20 minutes.

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"But until I get there, why don't you go to the refrigerator

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"and get a piece of cheese and see if you could coax him out."

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He says, "OK." 20 minutes later, the doctor shows up.

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He walks back to the bathroom and sees Max leaning over Sadie's thighs,

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waving a pickled herring back and forth.

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He says, "I said cheese!"

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He said, "I know, but I had to try and get the cat out first."

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RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

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LIGHT GROANING

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-MAN GROANS

-WOMAN: What? It's great!

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These two old Jews were sat on a traffic island in Broadway, like they do on sunny days.

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One says, "What's up with you?"

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He says, "Not so good." "What's wrong?"

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He says, "You know I got married again?"

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"I thought it was time to get married again, but it's not good."

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He says, "What's wrong? What's she like?"

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He says, "Well, she's 20 years old, she's gorgeous, she's got great tits,

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"and all she likes to do is screw and suck all day long!"

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His friend says, "What's wrong with that?" He says, "I forgot where I live!"

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LAUGHTER

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Saul and Bessie have been madly in love for many years...

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Saul and Bessie, an elderly Jewish couple, they go to sleep at night...

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..and they still sleep naked.

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The husband wakes up in the middle of the night, goes to the bathroom, leaves the seat up.

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Becky goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

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-Saul says, "Where are you going?" "The bathroom."

-Doesn't turn the light on. Sits down.

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Bingo! Falls in!

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"Saul, I'm in the toilet! I fell in! I can't get out!"

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The suction is too much. She can't lift herself out of the toilet.

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He jerks her right arm, then her left arm. No help.

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He says, "I can't get you loose."

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Saul called the plumber. "You gotta get me out of here."

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It's 2am. He calls the plumber.

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The plumber rings the bell. Saul says, "Let me get it."

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-She says, "I got nothing to wear."

-"He'll see me!"

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She says, "I'm exposed and you're bringing a plumber in. Give me some cover!"

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"At least give me a yarmulke."

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He says, "Hold on." Takes off his yarmulke and puts it over her private parts.

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-So she does that...

-He brings in the plumber. The plumber surveys the situation.

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And he looks to the right, looks to the left.

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Scratches you-know-where and he says, um, "Hmm."

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-Saul says "What do you think?"

-"Saul..."

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-"I can get her off the bowl."

-"I can save your wife."

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-"Your wife is going to be fine."

-"But the rabbi, he's a goner."

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-"But the rabbi's a goner."

-"But the rabbi's a goner!"

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"But we couldn't save the rabbi."

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A small man walks into a psychiatrist's office.

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He says to the psychiatrist, "By any chance, do you treat dwarves?"

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The psychiatrist says, "Yes, I do.

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"You'll just have to be a little patient!"

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-That's so stupid!

-SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

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This man is in the recovery room, he's just had surgery.

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His eyes flutter and they open and he sees the nurse standing there,

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and he says, "Nurse!" She says, "Yes, sir?"

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He says, "Nurse! Are my testicles black?"

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She says, "Sir, I'm just a trainee!"

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He says, "Nurse! Are my testicles black?"

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She says, "Sir, I'm not authorised."

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He says, "Nurse! Are my testicles black?!"

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She says to herself, "He's getting so upset. He may do himself some injury. "I better... OK."

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And she removes the blanket

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and examines him very carefully.

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Puts the blanket back and says,

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"Sir, they are perfectly fine."

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He says, "Oh, thank you. That was very nice.

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"Um, now, listen carefully.

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HE ENUNCIATES "Are my test results back?"

0:15:590:16:03

LAUGHTER

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This little Jewish man gets on a plane.

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He's sitting next to two Arabs, going from New York to California.

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The Arabs are in their full regalia and he's wearing his yarmulke.

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They're sitting there and sort of...

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..politely nodding to each other, a little conversation.

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Finally, about an hour out on the flight,

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he says to them, "Excuse me, I'm going to get a Coke. Could I get you something?"

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The two Arabs say, "That would be very nice of you. We'd like a Coke, too."

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He comes back with three Cokes and he gives one to one Arab, one to the other

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and takes his and they toast and they start drinking.

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The little Jewish guy says, "This is so wonderful for us to be together."

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He says, "Why must we continue, why must we have all the bombings,

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"all the fightings,

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"all the peeing in the Cokes?"

0:17:020:17:05

LAUGHTER

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This guy tells his mother he's finally going to get married.

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The mother is thrilled. "When am I going to meet her?"

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He said, "Well, Ma, I'd like to play a little game with you.

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"You have a good sense of what's going on.

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"I'd like to bring three women in and have you tell me who's going to be my wife."

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The woman agrees.

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The next day, he brings in three beautiful ladies, sits down on the couch by Mom.

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Mom talks to them for two minutes and she goes,

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"The redhead in the middle!"

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The guy goes, "Ma, that's amazing. How did you do it?"

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She said, "Because I don't like her!"

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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What is the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler?

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Eventually, the Rottweiler will let go.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

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AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:18:130:18:15

Alice and Sidney are neighbours and they each grow vegetables in their backyard.

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And one day, they're both out together

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and Sidney is picking up tomatoes,

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beautiful, ripe, huge red tomatoes.

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Alice says to him, "Sidney, how do you get the tomatoes so red and ripe?

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"Look at mine! They're pink! They never turn any colour."

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He says, "I'll tell you my secret, Alice.

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"Twice a day, every single day, I take off my clothes,

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"I put on my raincoat, I go outside

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"and I flash the tomatoes."

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"They're so embarrassed, they turn this gorgeous, gorgeous red."

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She says, "Hm, not a bad idea."

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So she tries the same thing. Every day for two weeks, she's flashing out in her garden.

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Finally, they're both out there at the same time again

0:19:080:19:11

and Sidney says, "Well, Alice, did you try my idea?"

0:19:110:19:15

She said, "Yeah, I did." He said, "So, how are your tomatoes?"

0:19:150:19:19

She said, "They're just as pink as ever.

0:19:190:19:22

"But you should take a look at my cucumbers!"

0:19:220:19:26

LAUGHTER

0:19:260:19:28

There's a world-famous specialist in a highly specialised field of cardiology,

0:19:290:19:35

he got his undergraduate and his medical degree

0:19:350:19:38

and his PhD in his hometown.

0:19:380:19:40

He was then practicing as a research doctor

0:19:400:19:43

at the highest level in New York.

0:19:430:19:46

He wrote a significant paper and was invited to deliver the paper at a meeting,

0:19:460:19:52

which, by coincidence, is in his hometown.

0:19:520:19:55

He's called to the dais. This room is full of men and women,

0:19:550:19:59

the men wearing tuxedos, the women properly attired for an august event.

0:19:590:20:02

Dr Dropkin approaches the dais, puts his papers on the lectern,

0:20:020:20:08

as he's about to give the talk.

0:20:080:20:11

Suddenly, the papers slide to the floor.

0:20:110:20:15

He bends over to pick them up.

0:20:150:20:17

As he does, his tuckus is against the microphone,

0:20:170:20:20

and at the very wrong moment,

0:20:200:20:22

lets one ride that reverberates throughout the room, magnified by the microphone.

0:20:220:20:28

Somehow he gains his composure, delivers his paper.

0:20:280:20:32

No sooner is he done, he grabs everything up,

0:20:320:20:34

makes a quick exit through a rear door, never comes back to the town again.

0:20:340:20:39

Many years pass. His mother is on in years

0:20:390:20:42

and he has to go back to the town to care for his mother.

0:20:420:20:46

He does so under the name of Dr Cohen,

0:20:460:20:49

makes a reservation at the local Hyatt under that name

0:20:490:20:52

and gets there under a cover of darkness, checks in to the hotel.

0:20:520:20:55

A bright-eyed and bushy-tailed room clerk says,

0:20:550:20:58

"Good evening, Dr Cohen. Have you been in our town before?"

0:20:580:21:03

The doctor says, "As a matter of fact, I grew up here, got my education here,

0:21:030:21:07

"got my doctorate and PhD here at the university and I moved away."

0:21:070:21:12

The man says, "Why haven't you been here?"

0:21:120:21:14

"A number of years ago, an embarrassing thing happened here

0:21:140:21:18

"and I didn't feel that I could come back and face the people."

0:21:180:21:21

The young man says, "Doctor, far be it from me, a young stripling,

0:21:210:21:25

"to advise a distinguished older gentleman such as you,

0:21:250:21:30

"but if I can give you anything from my experience,

0:21:300:21:33

"things that I thought were embarrassing and that people noticed,

0:21:330:21:37

"I later found out that no-one knew that they happened.

0:21:370:21:40

"I'm sure that's true of the thing that you think is so embarrassing."

0:21:400:21:44

The doctor says, "No, I doubt anyone has forgotten this."

0:21:440:21:47

The young man says, "Well, was it a long time ago? "Yes, it was a very long time ago.

0:21:470:21:51

The young man says, "Was it before the Dropkin fart or after?"

0:21:510:21:55

LAUGHTER

0:21:550:21:56

Morris is about to turn 95. He's already resident in a very elegant nursing home.

0:22:020:22:08

His sons want to give him a present, but don't know what to give him.

0:22:080:22:11

They talk. "Maybe we'll take him to Israel."

0:22:110:22:14

"No, no. Let's go to Poppa and ask him what he wants."

0:22:140:22:18

They go to Morris and say, "It's going to be your 95th birthday.

0:22:180:22:21

"What would you like as a present?"

0:22:210:22:23

He said, "Well, fellas, I'm getting a little lonely here.

0:22:230:22:26

"Maybe you'll bring me a nice young woman,

0:22:260:22:29

"put her in my bed with me and I'll have an afternoon with her."

0:22:290:22:33

The boys are shocked. "We can't! It's a nursing home. They'll throw him out."

0:22:330:22:39

One son says to the other, "Listen, I've got an idea.

0:22:390:22:41

"They're making inflatable dolls now that are so fantastic that you can't you can't tell.

0:22:410:22:46

"Poppa doesn't see so well, hear so well. It'll be fine."

0:22:460:22:50

They go and they spend a fortune on this blonde blow-up doll.

0:22:500:22:55

They put it in the bed, they bring the father in,

0:22:550:22:58

they leave the father alone, go outside and wait.

0:22:580:23:01

They hear a little noise. Then all of a sudden, they hear an explosion and the father screams.

0:23:010:23:06

They run in and say, "Poppa, what happened?"

0:23:060:23:08

"Well," he said, "this girl doesn't talk very much.

0:23:080:23:11

"We're lying in bed, making out a little bit,

0:23:110:23:14

"I started to nibble a little bit on her breast,

0:23:140:23:16

"all of a sudden, she farts and flies out the window!"

0:23:160:23:19

LAUGHTER

0:23:190:23:21

Old man walks into church and goes into the confessional.

0:23:240:23:27

He says, "My name is Sam Cohen.

0:23:270:23:30

"I want you should hear mine confession."

0:23:300:23:33

The priest goes, "We can't do that!"

0:23:330:23:35

He says, "My name is Sam Cohen!

0:23:350:23:38

"I want you should hear mine confession!"

0:23:380:23:40

They go back and forth,

0:23:400:23:42

the priest sees he's not going to talk the man out of it, so he says,

0:23:420:23:46

"OK, fine. Let me hear your confession."

0:23:460:23:49

He says, "Well, my name is Sam Cohen, I'm 85 years old.

0:23:490:23:54

"Yesterday, my wife and I went by the grandchildren

0:23:540:23:58

"and they all went to the zoo.

0:23:580:24:00

"I'm tired, I stay back home with the babysitter, 18 years old."

0:24:000:24:06

"And what do you know?

0:24:060:24:09

"Next thing, I'm on top of the babysitter

0:24:090:24:12

"and we're making moofki-poofki.

0:24:120:24:14

"I'm 85. She's 18.

0:24:140:24:16

"We do it once, twice, three,

0:24:160:24:19

"four times we make moofki-poofki!

0:24:190:24:22

"85. She's 18. What do you think of that?"

0:24:220:24:25

The priest says, "Er, well, sir, I don't quite understand.

0:24:250:24:30

"I'm a Catholic priest. You're obviously a Jewish man. Why are you telling this to me?"

0:24:300:24:35

The guy says, "I'm telling everybody!"

0:24:350:24:38

Becky and Molly are sitting in their condo in Fort Lauderdale.

0:24:380:24:42

Becky says, "You're not going to believe this,

0:24:420:24:45

"but there is a good-looking guy that just moved in.

0:24:450:24:49

"He's a widower and he's looking for a good woman."

0:24:490:24:52

Her friend says, "Really? I'd like to go out with him."

0:24:520:24:55

She said, "Wait. I went out with him last night. Let me tell you all about it.

0:24:550:25:00

"I got a new gorgeous dress,

0:25:000:25:03

"he came on time, he brought me flowers,

0:25:030:25:07

"we walked downstairs, there was a limo,

0:25:070:25:10

"we went to the finest restaurant."

0:25:100:25:13

"I looked beautiful in my new dress,

0:25:130:25:15

"he bought the best champagne, the best dinner,

0:25:150:25:18

"so I invited him to come back to the apartment.

0:25:180:25:21

"We get back into the apartment and he becomes an animal.

0:25:210:25:25

"He tears off my new dress and he has his way with me twice."

0:25:250:25:30

Her friend says, "Oh, my God! You're telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

0:25:300:25:34

She said, "No, go. Just wear an old dress."

0:25:340:25:37

LAUGHTER

0:25:370:25:39

Sam goes into Macy's to the lingerie department

0:25:440:25:47

and he says to the salesgirl,

0:25:470:25:49

"My wife has sent me in for a Jewish bra, size 34B,

0:25:490:25:53

"and she said that you'd know what I meant."

0:25:530:25:56

The saleslady says,

0:25:560:25:58

"Boy, it's been a long time since anybody asked me for a Jewish bra.

0:25:580:26:02

"They usually ask me for a Catholic bra or a Salvation Army bra or a Presbyterian bra."

0:26:020:26:09

He said, "What's the difference?"

0:26:090:26:11

She said, "The Catholic bra supports the masses,

0:26:110:26:13

"The Salvation Army uplifts the downfallen

0:26:130:26:17

"and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright."

0:26:170:26:21

He said, "Well, what's a Jewish bra?"

0:26:210:26:23

"Oh, a Jewish bra makes mountains out of molehills."

0:26:230:26:26

LAUGHTER

0:26:260:26:28

This young woman is walking home to her home on Madison Avenue in New York

0:26:280:26:32

and she passes this pet store.

0:26:320:26:35

She looks in the window and sees a lot of cute puppies and a frog.

0:26:350:26:38

The frog has a sign on his neck saying, "10,000."

0:26:380:26:42

She can't believe it.

0:26:420:26:45

She goes inside, she says to the owner,

0:26:450:26:47

"Why is this frog worth £10,000?"

0:26:470:26:49

He says, "This is a very special frog.

0:26:490:26:52

"This is Pierre, a frog who does oral sex."

0:26:520:26:57

She said, "Really?" He said, "Yes. We'll give you a free sample."

0:26:570:27:01

So she comes in and he says, "Sit down in this chair."

0:27:010:27:04

He takes this frog, Pierre, and he puts the frog on the floor

0:27:040:27:07

and says, "Go ahead, Pierre, go do her."

0:27:070:27:10

The frog doesn't move.

0:27:100:27:12

He says, "Can you open your legs a little bit more

0:27:120:27:15

"so the frog would know what to do?"

0:27:150:27:18

Opens her legs. The frog doesn't move.

0:27:180:27:21

He says, "I hate to say this, but you should take your underwear off."

0:27:210:27:25

She takes her underwear off, sitting there, and he says, "Go ahead, Pierre, go do her."

0:27:250:27:30

The frog doesn't move. The owner goes,

0:27:300:27:32

"This is the last time I'm gonna show you how to do this!"

0:27:320:27:35

It was during the horrible time in the 1940s,

0:27:390:27:44

and two Jewish agents were assigned to assassinate Hitler.

0:27:440:27:50

They had great intelligence that Hitler was going to be

0:27:500:27:53

at a certain intersection at three o'clock in the afternoon.

0:27:530:27:56

They got their weapons together, they made their plan of how to kill him.

0:27:560:28:00

The positioned themselves on the day in question.

0:28:000:28:04

Three o'clock comes. No Hitler.

0:28:040:28:07

3.30 comes. No Hitler.

0:28:070:28:10

Four o'clock comes. No Hitler.

0:28:100:28:13

One turns to the other and says,

0:28:130:28:15

"He's always on time. I can't understand it.

0:28:150:28:17

"I hope he's OK!"

0:28:170:28:19

LAUGHTER

0:28:190:28:21

You've got to be Jewish to like that one!

0:28:240:28:27

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:280:28:32

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:320:28:36

In the fine tradition of American Jewish humour, a group of pensioners from all walks of life gather together to tell their favourite jokes. Remember, laugh loud. They don't hear so good.


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