Dubplate People Just Do Nothing

This programme contains strong language

MUSIC FADES IN

-And you're locked into the sounds of the legendary...

-Yes!

-..Kurupt FM.

The Phone Line Crew inside, yeah?

Phone line number to get you through once again is 07050 030 108.9.

Why are Kurupt FM so big in the area?

That's because we're killing it.

-Exactly.

-And if you kill it, you get the respect of others.

You're now listening to the best MC in the galaxy right now, yeah.

You don't see Richard Branstone sitting there like,

-"Er, I think I might start a plane company." He went and done it.

-Yeah.

-People respect him now.

-He started off with the pickle jars.

-Bang.

-Bang, to the plane company.

Inside. Bit of baseline pressure.

DJ Fantasy rolling through.

And we are the next Branstone.

Exactly. Kurupt FM the brand.

-I Am Kurupt.

-And then we're gonna have I Am Kurupt trains.

-I Am Kurupt planes.

-No, you don't have to do exactly what he done.

That's not the point, is it?

Out to the Brentford man. Out to Alfie Danger,

out to Albatross.

Out to Wilfy D.

These guys are the best kept secret in Brentford right now, yeah?

It's not a secret. People do know about us.

-Yeah, not enough people.

-We have a TV crew.

But, you know, we're in our prime right now.

-We're young.

-Exactly. Exactly.

There's time. We're young, we're good-looking.

Make sure you're locked in this time tomorrow as well,

cos we're gonna be playing the most anticipated track of 2016.

Exactly. New Kurupt slammer, instant classic on the streets,

will be coming straight out studio tomorrow.

Yeah, cos we're going studio.

There's two types of studio, actually.

Radio studio.

-Yeah.

-And there's music studio.

Yeah, exactly.

-Studio!

-Just down here.

-Studio!

-Just down here, yeah.

-Studio!

-Yeah, also, going studio, it sounds good.

Press the buzzer, mate. I can't get my hands dirty, I'm about to MC.

Do you know what I mean? When someone calls you, or, like,

your girl's like, "What you doing today?" You just be like, "Studio."

-Hello, mate.

-What's your name?

No need for that. MC Grindah, CEO of Kurupt FM.

Oh, mate.

-We're back.

-We're back. Beats and Grindah back at it.

-And Beats.

-That's what I said, Beats and Grindah.

-Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Oh, sick, a chair. STEVES PLAYS PIANO

-Oh, I love chairs.

-That is a great chair.

-It looks really good on you, as well.

-Thank you.

Steves, stop touching things.

-Get it back on me.

-All right, let me know if you need anything.

-You'll be done in an hour, do you think?

-Erm...

-You can't rush these things, mate.

-Yeah. Music is an art form, mate,

yeah. It takes as long as it takes.

Oh, right. Your manager's only booked an hour.

Is not gonna take an hour, is it? It's a four-minute track, mate.

-He ain't got a clue, has he?

-Nah.

-Do you want me to talk you through the equipment?

-Yeah...

Nah, nah, we're all good. We know exactly what we're doing.

-Sure?

-Yes, I'm sure.

Look, it's none of your little rock 'n' roll bollocks, mate.

It's real music. You wouldn't have a clue about it. Pop yourself off.

-Come on, real men don't read instruction manuals, mate.

-Yeah!

Decoy, you know what you're doing though, right?

-Turn it all on, Decoy.

-All wires.

-Take a look at this. Look.

-Ah, they're all moving.

-That's real technology, mate.

-See, all at once.

They all move at once. Push me in the chair. Push me in the chair.

-OK, cool.

-Where is it?

-Spin him around.

-Spin me round.

-Spin him around.

-No, don't. No, don't.

-Because I'll fall off.

-Spin him round!

See, I've fell off now.

HEAVY BREATHING

Do you wish you were at the studio?

The thing is, I'm busy tonight.

You know, I've actually got a date, so I'm getting ready for that.

You know? Mentally, spiritually, and obviously physically.

Obviously when you hear the name Chabuddy G,

certain emotions come to your mind, you know? What do you think?

Sex symbol. That's a taken.

But then if you go further into that,

Chabuddy G -

style icon. This is not by accident.

People ask me, "What does the G stand for?"

I tell them.

Gucci, girls, girth.

Hi, Chabuddy G.

Smouldering. I mean, what woman can resist that?

I look a bit Japanese when I do that, innit?

Arigatou. Isn't it?

These rather beautiful gardens,

of course, were the inspiration...

-And this is the house.

-Oh, my God.

-Speaks for itself, doesn't it?

-It does. It says, " 'ello.

" 'Ello, Miche."

-So, er...

-Let's go. Let's get up there.

This is your bride.

I'll be like this at the top.

-Oh, yes.

-I'll, like, jump out from here and I'll just walk down.

Get some photos.

'Yeah, so Grindah's letting me handle

'all the decisions for the wedding.

-'It's actually really romantic of him, you know?

-Yeah.'

-Here behind us, is our wedding wall.

-Yeah.

That we've been working on.

So it's just like a big sort of collage, isn't it, of our big day?

A little bit terrifying.

It's like a horror film.

Like there's something wrong with you.

He's saying that because sometimes he...

Stop putting so much on there, and she keeps putting more.

It's partly just to remind us both that we are getting married.

-Well, I can't forget with that in the background, can I?

-I know.

Loving this. Do you know what? I just love all the white.

-Me too.

-What's your policy on ponies?

Ponies?

Well, I'd have to check on that for you.

-Of course.

-It is a protected building.

Protected? Oh, that's great actually,

because we're gonna to need some security on the day

because my fiance is actually famous, so it's ideal.

What do you reckon of this, boys?

BEAT PLAYS

-What you thinking?

-Hmm...

-Turn it up.

-Turn it up. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.

Yeah, turn it up. Yeah, yeah.

That's already much better, innit?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Do you think it's better?

-I think it's better, yeah.

Still quite repetitive, to be honest.

-It does need something more.

-What about something from next door?

-There's loads of shit.

-Yeah, cool, I'll come have a look with you.

That's quite good, innit? DEEP KEYBOARD NOTE

Decoy.

'My role in studio is kind of the...'

Like, the provider of the inspiration.

'I'm like a muse.

'Yeah, I'm an ideas man.'

Oh, for...

Actually, that sounded quite sick.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Do that again.

When the mic's on, Steve.

Are you ready, Decoy?

GLASS SMASHES

-Oi! That's the one.

-That felt good, yeah.

-That's the one.

That felt great.

I dunno know, man. I still reckon I could do better.

Perfect. That'll do.

Can I show you something really special?

Now, this is where the actual ceremony will take place.

-SHE GASPS

-Wow. Fuck off.

-Fucking hell, Miche. Look at that.

-That is well posh.

And the dome, as you can see, the very famous dome.

Fucking love the dome.

-Mental.

-Yeah.

He looks a bit like Dad, don't it?

-Poor sod.

-Yeah.

Ooh, while I think of it, could you do thrones as well?

Thrones? Yes, that'd be a nice touch,

I'm sure we could come up with a price

to accommodate thrones for you.

-Good.

-Oh, thank you.

-We'll definitely be taking the pillars.

-Yes.

-So that's great.

-Six.

-Thank you.

-We'll have six.

-Well, they are a permanent fixture.

So, listen, darling.

What we looking at? What price we looking at here, yeah?

Well, with everything we've discussed this morning,

I'd say we're looking in the region of say 15,000 to 19,000.

-We better jog on, Miche.

-No, I mean, that's the...

Yeah, that's the sort of, the mid to the sort of top range

that I had in mind in my range sort of thoughts, so.

Is that something we'd have to pay all at once,

or, you know, could we do it on credit?

You know, like when you buy a new sofa?

Listen, we'll get back to you, yeah?

-GLASS SMASHING ON TRACK

-Oh, sick,

there's free Wi-Fi in here.

Type in "Tupac still alive in Cuba."

No, no, no, no, no. None of that weird Steve shit.

Boys, we need to finish this track, yeah? We ain't got time.

Ssh! Decoy, you got no clue sometimes.

Inspiration is a very important part of the creative process, so...

What about "Jean-Claude Van Damme fight sequences all in one montage"?

Perfect.

-Ooh.

-Ooh.

-Move it here a bit.

-I love bad guys with scars.

-Yeah.

-Look, he punches him.

I can't believe he's French.

You would've thought he was English or American.

-He seems normal, don't he?

-Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oof! Very pungent, you know?

There's a few stains and that. It's fine, it adds character.

So, erm...

I'm actually really excited about the date tonight, you know?

I think... I think it could go really well.

So, yeah.

Let's just hope she doesn't break my heart or steal all my stuff again.

HE LAUGHS

HE WHEEZES AND COUGHS

-What do you think?

-Look at it. Yeah, lovely.

I like the windows.

-Here we go.

-Oh, have a word.

-World-class.

-World-class.

That's us. That's what they'll call us.

-Look at this.

-I like it.

-God, this is out of this world.

-I really like them.

-They've got pillars.

Light-up pillars with bubbles.

-Bish, bash, bosh.

-I love the Buddha.

-I do, I do.

-Proper spiritual, that.

What's important from a wedding venue?

Got to be a big size, you know, got to have a dance floor in there.

I think one of the big things that's important for me is,

-would you call it? Ambi... Ambiu...

-Ambulant.

-Ambu...

-Ambion.

-Don't, you got me at it now.

-Yeah.

-That anyway.

-The vibe.

-The vibe of it.

Look, they've got air conditioning unit.

Yeah, we have fully functioning air conditioning.

-They didn't have that in the last place.

-No, it didn't actually.

-I like the chairs, Miche.

-Ah, and you have a buffet.

-And so I presume there'll be food in here on the day?

-Yeah.

-INTERVIEWER:

-So are you going to take his surname?

Recently I've been thinking long and hard about

whether to change my name.

But I am definitely going to becoming Mrs Zagos...

-Zagrofoss?

-Zagrofoff.

-It's a strong Greek name.

-Mr and Mrs Zagrofoss.

-Foff.

-Foff.

-Yeah.

-Zagrofoff. Zagrofoff?

-Yeah. It's just how my family say it.

How do other families say it?

Don't know, I've never met another Zagrofoff.

I really like it. What do you think that the ponies

-just going down the middle there?

-Yes!

There will be four, three or four ponies.

-Two, probably.

-Ponies?

-Yeah.

Yeah, we're not gonna be able to do that, I'm afraid,

because it's a restaurant and the premises...

-I mean...

-We're not gonna eat them.

No, no, I didn't think you were gonna eat them.

OK, yeah, listening.

# Said I'm kicking man like Van Damme

# Who's on the mic with a rough slang... #

Ah, no. It was all right but...

-You want it a bit more...

-Yeah, a bit tougher.

-OK. All right.

-But you're doing well though, mate.

-Cheers, mate.

# Said I'm kicking man like Van Damme... #

No, no, no, no!

That wasn't it!

Really doing well, but if we could just try it again

-in a different way, like.

-Need to speed this up as well, please.

Shut up.

# Said I'm kicking man like Van Damme

# Who's on the mic with a rough slang?

# Kick to the cheek just like I'm Jet Li

# And I triple-backflip off a jet ski. #

That's it! That's it! Done it! Sweet!

-Smashed it, brother. Come through.

-Am I done?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Sick.

-Is that all right, yeah?

-Yeah. Done really well, mate.

-Wicked.

-Yeah, killed it.

-Nice one.

-All right, I've got to go to hospital and that now, so...

-I have to go.

-All right, mate. Good luck with it all, yeah.

And I'm still hoping it's a false alarm, so...

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I'll let you know how it goes.

All right, mate. Nice one. Cool, mate.

All right, see you fannies in a bit, yeah.

-Keep it Kurupt, yeah?

-Always do, mate.

Play it back.

So, does it have to be on a Saturday, because...

-Yeah.

-Yeah, it's a wedding.

-Yeah, OK.

-When did you get married?

-Well...

-On a fucking Tuesday?

The only reason I say that is because

we've got an 18-month waiting list if you want to do it on a Saturday.

-18 months?

-Babe, we'll have to have it down the working men's club.

I get that special discount for wedding parties

because I had my last two there.

No, Mum, I'm not having it there.

They haven't got pink lighting or Buddhas.

It's not the same.

So, do you want me to pop you down on the waiting list then?

Well, I'll have to check with my fiance, won't I?

He might not be up for waiting that long.

I said I'm in the studio.

I'm in the studio. I can't talk now.

Oh, signal.

So are you excited about the wedding then, Grindah?

Yeah, like, obviously if she's happy I'm happy, right?

Obviously everyone keeps going, like,

"You was fucked out your head when you proposed to her",

but I wasn't even that fucked.

And anyway, they say when you're fucked,

that's when the truth comes out, so...

I reckon it's what I wanted deep down.

-Probably.

-Aw.

-Hello?

-'Hi, babe.'

-Yeah, I had no signal, you know,

because I'm at studio. Yeah, studio, yeah.

-What you saying?

-'I found an amazing venue.

'Like, you're gonna absolutely love it.'

But there's an 18-month waiting list.

-Oh, really?

-It just seems a bit mental to wait that long

-but I mean it is...

-Although...

-..literally the dream.

-I'd say we should just wait it out.

-Are you sure? It's like a long time.

You know what, you've said it's your dream place.

I think that it's probably my dream place as well.

Yeah, you would absolutely love it.

So it's probably best that we wait, I think, yeah.

-All right, bye.

-All right, in a bit, bye.

Oh...

That's a shame, innit?

Do you believe in marriage?

To be honest, I'm married to the music,

do you know what I mean, like?

It's more for her, innit? It's like a prestige thing.

"I've married one of the top MCs in the game," which I get.

It don't really mean nothing to me.

-Hello, mate.

-All right. You've got five minutes.

What do you mean, five minutes? I ain't even done the lyrics yet.

I know, but you've only paid for an hour, so...

Yeah, but come on, this is your place, so...

Give us a little bit of extra time.

-Come on, I'll make you part of musical history.

-No.

I wouldn't know anything about real music, would I?

You've got five minutes.

-I've got five minutes(!)

-You've got four minutes now.

Yeah? I'm going to do it in three minutes then.

And then I'll be expecting my mate's money back then.

Decoy, we've got four minutes left.

As soon I get in there, start recording.

Just one second, yeah?

Mate, you know we're not gonna do this in, like, four minutes?

Do you know what? Fuck this.

The little prick thinks he can tighten me, yeah.

I'm locking us in. Steve, blockade the door.

You're blockading the door?

-Yes, mate.

-Decoy, we're blockading the door.

Bruv, get a piano.

-Block it properly.

-The Clavinova or the P80?

Just get any of them. Grab everything you can get.

Get some more shit. Hurry up. Hurry up!

Leads. Do you reckon I should lock it as well?

Yeah, do that as well.

As soon as I lock myself in there, you start doing that, all right?

Oh, mate. This takes me back.

The old squat party days.

-All right, Decoy.

-Yeah.

-It's my time.

-All right.

BEAT PLAYS

-All right, sorry I'm late.

-Where have you been?

Studio.

'I've got a very, very special announcement to make.'

Me and Roche are pregnant.

Well, her mainly, but I was there when it happened.

Yeah. It's amazing actually because it's our first baby together.

Hello, mate.

I wasn't there when she made Craig. But apparently it was a great night.

Was it a great night with this one as well?

Well, actually, to be honest, it wasn't one of them special nights.

It was more just four strokes and done type of thing.

Is that your date of birth?

-Yes.

-You're officially a cougar.

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah.

-I quite like that.

-Yeah, I did some research on the internet.

-Oh.

-Craig showed me this thing.

-It's pretty sick.

-I don't want to know about that.

It's got a weird name. It sounds like a hamster but it's not.

What are you doing?

I'm actually applying my own facemask.

It's my own blend of yoghurt, avocado and chilli which, you know,

waters the eyes.

It makes them water and it also cleans them out.

It also gives a red rouge effect to the skin, you know.

So, very smouldering.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hi, Chabuddy G.

Yeah, manager of Kurupt FM.

So is Chabuddy your manager?

Yes.

Well, technically he said he'd pay for studio

if he could be our manager,

-so we just said yeah.

-Mhm.

-So he is your manager?

-Yeah.

Yeah, he's our manager, if you say so, mate.

But, I mean, we all say so.

It's been said.

They want me to come down to the studio?

Oh, right.

No, no, no.

No police, no police, no.

OK, no, please no, don't call police, don't call police.

OK, I'm coming down now. OK. OK.

Fucking bad, man. Get the wet wipes.

Fucking...

Oh, the chilli in my eye, bastard.

Oh!

Ugh!

I can't see anything.

BANGING

That's fucking ridic... What, you think you can lock me out?

Grindah, I can see him. He's getting in, bruv.

-He must have had a spare key.

-Fucking hell.

He's through the first barricade.

GRINDAH RAPPING: # Bang, hurry up.... #

This is it! He's coming!

You ain't getting in, bruv.

What are you doing?

You are not getting in today, rude boy.

Mate, you're dealing with a seasoned pro.

Idiot! You fucking idiots.

-Get out now!

-I'm doing my lyric. I will win.

STEVES LAUGHS

Get out now!

Fucking moron.

-Get out the booth!

-Oi, listen!

-Hey! You're interrupting my flow.

Get off me! My lyrics. Someone's jealous of my lyrics!

Listen! Listen! He's gonna call the police.

-It's just lyrics, mate!

-Listen to me, I understand.

-I asked normally!

-What's the damage?

-What's the damage?

-Look at the damage, you idiot.

No, look, that was like that before we got here.

-Are you fucking mad?

-That was like that before they got...

They told me there was broken glass there.

There's your little girl's arm.

-Can you see it?

-Yeah.

And then there's the other one.

Wow.

That is mad. I didn't realise it would have arms this early on.

-What?

-It looks a bit like a wasp.

It doesn't look like a wasp.

It looks like a baby.

What are your hopes and dreams for the baby?

I just want it to have teeth and fingers and that first.

-And then...

-Well, it won't have teeth straight away.

But don't get freaked out about that.

It'll have teeth later.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-So how does it eat?

Well, it just drinks to start with, doesn't it?

It drinks milk and then you mush all its food up.

Yeah, cos that's what RoboCop eats.

Yep, it's gonna be like RoboCop.

-Call the police! Call the police!

-No, don't call the police! Don't!

Just... Fuck, shut up! Don't call the police.

Don't call the police. Don't call the police.

-What about them ones?

-Just get out!

-That's six grand right there.

Just take that. Don't even worry about it.

-I don't want your watch.

-Take my watch!

-I don't want your watch!

Take it! Listen, mate.

Listen. You're trying to hustle a hustler here.

-I'm not trying to hustle anyone.

-I'm gonna hustle you.

Mate, you brought a bunch of morons into my studio.

-They're artists. Them artists. They're artistes.

-Morons, mate.

-Creative artists.

-Shut up and get out.

-No, no, we'll do it, OK?

-How much is there?

Let me do some counting here, OK?

It's our manager to the rescue.

That's what they're there for, innit?

-So I'm definitely your manager then?

-Yes. Just keep paying him.

Keep paying the man.

Definitely manager!

Yeah, just, come on, keep paying.

All right, mate.

Grindah, I stole a cable.

Whoo! They ain't gonna be seeing that again.

So, well, listen, boys, the track went well, yeah?

-Can I have a listen?

-No, it ain't even finished yet.

You can do it all on laptop these days.

-Decoy'll finish it off.

-What? You can do it all on your laptop?

Oh, yeah. You don't need any of that bollocks.

Well, why did I pay all that money for you to go to studio then?

Well, you said you'd pay for it. Plus it's quite a good day out.

Little blaze, go to studio, it sounds good, don't it?

-It's a laugh, innit?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Catch, catch, catch, catch, catch. Oi, oi!

Here you are then. Let's have a little toast to the...venue.

-Cheers.

-And the bride.

-And the mother of the bride as well.

-That's you.

-Yeah, who'd have thought?

I'm gonna move along my wedding timeline to dress shopping.

Oh, yeah, nice.

-Exciting.

-All right, that's that dress I was talking about.

Have a look. Look, Mick loved it.

Aw, bless him. Mickles was so sweet.

Weren't he just?

Not sure on the dress, though.

-It hasn't really got that regal vibe I was after.

-Really?

I'll keep it in mind, though. In case I get really desperate.

I love that.

Ho-ho...

There she is. She looks just like her profile picture.

I bloody don't.

Hey, jump in, baby.

HE CHUCKLES

-Sorry...

-Yeah, sorry, I'm just joking.

Let me just park up. Sorry, one second.

'Ladies love the van.

'It's very roomy, very spacious.

'So, put the seats down,'

we can have a bloody, you know, sauna.

Champagne Steam Rooms in there, mate.

-You know what I mean?

-But you haven't had any ladies in there yet?

No ladies in at the moment.

But once I do it's going to be like that bloody scene from Titanic.

You know when she puts her hand...

It will bloody be like that, mate, I tell you what, mate.

-Hi. Lisa, right?

-Yeah.

Yeah, sorry I was a bit busy.

I was back at the studio

with some artists I'm managing at the moment, so...

-Hi, Chabuddy.

-Sounds exciting.

Not really, they're bloody bankrupting me, the bastards.

'Chabuddy G's an entrepreneur, yeah?

'So, I've decided to transform my club, the Champagne Steam Rooms,

'into a classy, elegant cocktail bar.

'The Champagne Steam Bar.

'Think about it.

'If I've got my own cocktail bar,

'the ladies are gonna come to me, mate.

'You know what I mean? I've created the honey pot and now all the bees

'are coming for a taste of the sweet nectar. Yeah?'

Build it and they will come.

Literally.

URBAN DANCE TRACK PLAYS

Should have put a flash on cos it's well dark.

Yeah, it just wouldn't fit up there.

"Oh, look at me, I'm having a baby."

Everyone has a baby. It's no big deal.

Decoy, what's the track saying?

Oh, yeah, I actually had a sick idea at the hospital.

-I had a brainwave.

-About what?

-About the track.

-Finally!

Fucking hell! What is it?

OK, I tell you what, I'm going to go for a sex on the beach au bar.

-OK.

-And...

-Can I have a...?

-I'll tell you what,

I'll order for you. I know what you want.

Get her a Peanutini.

It's actually one that I designed myself.

It's like a martini but with peanut dust just around the rim, so,

crusty rim.

Do I believe in love? You know, does it exist?

We don't know. It's like oxygen.

You can't see it but it's there.

Is it a feeling? You know?

Is it a sensation?

Is it a vibe? We don't know.

-Oh, yeah.

-Can I have your cherry?

Oh! Yes, take my cherry.

Thanks. Get the taste out of my mouth.

Yeah! Be gentle, it's my first time.

No, I'm not a virgin, though.

I've had loads of sex.

What do you think about, like, walking down the aisle?

Ask Mick to walk you down the aisle.

-Really?

-Yeah, why not?

It sort of makes sense actually, doesn't it?

Cos obviously, legally he's my dad.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Aw.

-Exactly.

I never thought of it like that.

I mean, technically I'm older than him,

-but that doesn't matter, does it?

-PHONE PINGS

It's probably Grindah worrying about the wedding.

-What's that plum want now?

-He just says,

"Listen Kurupt, new track now."

Thank God he let us know, otherwise you might have missed it(!)

-'Who's ready? Who's ready?

-I'm ready! I'm ready!'

-Who's ready?!

-I'm ready!

Ladies, open up your ears. Mandem too.

We are about to drop the new instant classic.

-Decoy, run that!

-Run that...

Play it, Decoy. Sh!

-TRACK:

-'Raw... There's a dead MC on the floor.'

-Sample.

'Who's that standing above him?' BEEPING

Can you lot hear the hospital sound?

That was from my trip to the hospital.

Then this bit's me as well.

'I think it might be MC Grindah.' This bit coming up. It's louder...

-It's the heart monitor.

-This is my bit.

'MC Griiiindah...'

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw leaving every MC

# Down on the floor Bang!

# Lyrical blow to the jaw Bang!

# Lyrical blow to the jaw, Bang!

# Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Leaving every MC down on the floor

# Bang, bang, bang, it's an emergency... #

I tell you what... this is shit.

I think you might be a little jealous sometimes.

Yeah, maybe.

You're a good singer too. I've heard you at karaoke.

# I'm kicking man like Van Damme

# Who's at the mic with the rough slang?

# Flying kicks I learned from Jet Li

# With a triple-backflip off a jet ski

# Word to the technical ninjas here

# Lyrical karate mixed with kung fu

# What you gonna say now? What you gonna do?

# When Beats and Grindah are coming for you

# We're bandaged up with the victim

# Leaving every MC up on their arse

# Lyrical dragon fight, so damn fast

# Leave your head spinning for more of my bars

# Beats and Grindah up on the track

# Guess you could call that double impact

# Why are we so lyrically big?

# Cos we've been training, punching a tree for a week. #

RECORD RELOADS

That's mine, yeah, I invented that, midpoint reload, it's called.

-It's a great little reference to the garage sound.

-Exactly.

Also, it saves the DJ from having to reload it.

Yeah.

Plus, we didn't have much time to finish it from studio so it's only

a minute and half long. So now it's three minutes,

so a tightly wrapped track.

-That's Steves.

-Hear the hospital sound, though.

BEEPING

Yeah, that's quite good. But also my lyrics are sick.

And then you hear it again.

The whole track again.

'MC Griiiindah.'

Love that.

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw... #

He's started from the beginning again.

-Yeah.

-He's just repeating himself.

-Oi, oi!

-Go on, son, celebrate, innit?

"Emergency. Killed an MC."

Yeah. Ooh, look at that.

Even the booze is getting excited.

You've just witnessed musical history,

do you know what I mean, like?

That is a beautiful little drop.

You light it for me, mate. I've done enough work.

Then she ended up bloody taking all my stuff, robbing me clean,

breaking my heart and bloody pissing off.

HE LAUGHS

There you go, guys.

Oh, thank you, dear.

No, no, please. Allow me.

I have a calculator on my phone.

You had two cocktails, you had the olives as well, didn't you?

So add that, and there's a service charge as well.

Sorry, isn't this your place?

-Yeah.

-Can't you just..?

-Well, no, I mean I won't have to pay my half.

You just...pay yours, isn't it? £15.

-Seriously?

-I'm running a business here, baby.

It's not including service charge as well.

So, leave a little tip as well.

Thank you.

'The best advice I'd give to people who are seeking love.'

Ladies like power, wealth, status.

-Can we go?

-You want to..?

-Yeah.

-You wanna get out of here?

-Sure.

'I mean, I'm the most, you know,

'the most official bachelor in Hounslow at the moment.

'And, you know,'

I'm a great catch.

Ladies, come on, you know?

Their loss.

-Call me.

-Yeah(!)

See you, guys.

TRACK PLAYS

Bang, lyrical blow to the jaw.

Bang.

This one's gonna be your inheritance, mate.

This one's you, baba. Trust me.

It's that bit, is Daddy killing it?

MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

-Oh, my God, it's the wedding venue.

-What you doing?

-Tell them you'll call them back.

-Hello.

-This is the best bit.

-This is the best bit!

-Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

Hang on. It's the venue from yesterday.

Tell them I'm fuming at them, making us wait 18 months.

God, yeah, that's brilliant news.

Amazing. Will you just hang on a second?

They're saying they've got a space in five months.

You know, at your favourite venue?

-Yeah.

-The one you wanted to hold out for.

-Yeah, yeah.

-So we're going a bit sooner.

OK, so, when could I come in to look round again?

Tell them that's good, but tell them we got options.

-OK.

-Don't.

-Well, throw in the bespoke food and we will take it.

-Don't say take it.

-OK.

-Brilliant. All right.

-I haven't checked my calendar.

-It's a deal.

Thank you so much.

-Miche, I haven't checked my calendar.

-Aw, thank you.

-We've still got to have a...

-Oh, my God,

we're getting bloody married.

-We're gonna get bloody married.

-Yeah.

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Leaving every MC down on the floor

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Leaving every MC down on the floor

# Call 999, it's an emergency

# Beats and Grindah killed an MC

# Someone take him to A&E

# And perform some lyrical surgery

# Call 999, it's an emergency

# Beats and Grindah killed an MC

# Someone take him to A&E

# And perform some lyrical surgery. #