Episode 1 Peter Kay's Comedy Shuffle


Episode 1

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This programme contains some strong language

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Three divers to go then and this is

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Darren Croll of Australia.

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Oh, that's a good dive.

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642.2 and now Petit of Canada.

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Oh, even better! This final really hotting up.

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Now the favourite, John Smith for Great Britain.

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-What can he do?

-..A running bomb.

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Oh, terrific! The crowd love it.

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And so do the judges.

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Top bombing.

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Would you welcome, please, Peter Kay.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello! Hello!

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-Let me put my stuff down.

-Hello!

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-Oh, I'm on your foot.

-You are.

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I stood on your slip-on. How are you, David?

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It's over now. You can relax.

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-I'm coming round. Coming round. Let me get sorted out.

-What's this here?

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-Stick this here a sec.

-What...?

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Stay there. How are you?

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I'm doing all right.

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-Hello.

-How are you?

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Hello. Nice to see you.

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-Let's get started.

-Let's get started.

-Are you all right?

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-I'm all right, mate.

-Got some stuff. Let's get sorted out.

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Well, I brought a bag of treats, didn't I?

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Because it was your last show, I thought we'd be having a laugh.

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-Presents?

-I've got party hats here.

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Stick one of them on.

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Tablecloth. I thought you'd have had a big table, though, when I got that. There you are.

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You know, kick our heels up a bit. Enjoy ourselves. There you are.

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Get stuck in.

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Blow on that. Go on. Go on!

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Yes! That's what you want!

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Hang on.

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Here you are. Look at that.

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-What's that?

-Victoria sandwich.

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I bet you've said that a few times, ain't you, eh?

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I've got some plates an' all.

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There you go.

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Is it that way up? Got a knife.

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I thought, you know, we were having a laugh.

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-French fancies. Got them here.

-Oh, dear.

-Got the lot here. Cordial.

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-What else have you got?

-Cordial. Some cordial in there.

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-You want a drink, David? Do you want a drink, David? Do you want a hat?

-I don't think so.

-Want a hat?

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Got a party popper here for David. One of them, mate. Come on.

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Here you are. Hoorah!

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-Now you're talking! This is about you, this.

-I know.

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-This is your last one, man.

-I know that.

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Put it on, go on. Because this is it.

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-What else is there?

-You've had them all on here, haven't you?

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-I've had them all on here.

-Fred Astaire.

-Yeah.

-Bette Davis.

-Yeah.

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-Rod Hull.

-Yeah.

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-Morecambe and Wise.

-The two of them.

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You're the kiss of death, aren't you, when you think about it?

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You know what I mean?

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How long have we got? You know what I mean?

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We're not on cos we're good, we're on cos we're alive.

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Thank God you're on. I thought I were the youngest.

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It's like Cocoon, this.

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Geraldine!

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Her journey began right here.

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Since taking her Pop Factor crown, she has become a...

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This is the incredible story of...

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'You're listening to Chorley FM.

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'I'm Paul Le Roy coming in your ears and here's Yazz and she's going Up!

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'The Phoenix Club in Bolton has its grand reopening tonight with

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'chart-topping pop band Half A Shillin' and TV's own Roy

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'"It's the way I tell them" Walker,

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'who'll be cutting the ribbon at 7.30.

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'Tickets are £15 each - that includes supper and bingo.'

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# We've been broken down

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# To the lowest turn

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# And been... #

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-You holding these or what?

-Shut up.

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-Chuck us that hammer.

-Here you are.

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-You going bald?

-No.

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You can see your head through your hair.

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-It's always been like that.

-Since when?

-Since for ever.

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My hair, it's very fine.

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-It's thin. I don't know about fine, it's thin.

-It's not thin.

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-It's not thin, all right?

-It's anorexic.

-Oh, shut it.

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-Oh, dickhead!

-Here, these are for tonight. Brian says you've got to wear them.

-What are they?

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-Headsets.

-Headsets?

-Sets? For your head?

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It's all down here, "Grand Gala Opening of the Phoenix Club."

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-Yeah, very good.

-Smithills Brewery.

-Who's Brain?

-Brain?

-Brain Potter. Brain Potter.

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And on the back, Brain Potter.

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Brain Potter on the front, Brain Potter on the back. A disgrace!

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-Pop-up.

-Pop-up? What club's that? Whose club's that?

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That's not my club, son.

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-Ta-da!

-Who the hell's that?

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-Who's that supposed to be?

-It's you.

-Get it off. Get it off now.

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Stick 'em up your arse.

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-How is she? How's your nan?

-Oh, she's fine.

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-I've got your present for you.

-Have you?

-Oh, she's great. She's fantastic.

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-Me and his nan are like that.

-Here you go. She sent you that.

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-Have a go at that.

-Thank you. What is it?

-66 now.

-Is she?

-Mm-hm.

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-Is she well?

-Yeah, she's cracking. She's lovely.

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-Does she still watch the programme?

-Yeah, she watches you.

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She won't be next week cos you're off, aren't you?

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Come on, have a look. She got you this specially.

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She had one of these spare for you.

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-What is it?

-What is it? Is when you...

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Put it on, round your neck. You know when you're in a warden...

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Round your hat.

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-Take my hat off.

-It's for when you're in a warden-controlled flat.

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You know what I mean?

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Touch your button there.

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That's what you do.

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-They come running, do they?

-Yeah.

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If Mary's in the garden

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and you keel over watching Cash In The Attic...

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-..push that and that's it, you see?

-What a very nice idea!

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-And I've got you something now.

-What have you got?

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I got you something because you've got to... Now you're hanging it up,

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you've got to keep active, you know what I mean?

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I don't want you going stiff.

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You've got to keep going and I've got you...

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Here, you'll love this.

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-Stand up. Stand up.

-Oh, God. It gets worse.

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I've got you a job.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Here you are.

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Put that on. There you go.

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Put your arm in here.

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Oh, yeah! Hang on. Wait there.

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20 minutes.

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20 minutes in the morning.

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It's a primary school. It's a primary school.

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20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes at night. That'll be you.

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Go on. Oh! That's it. Go on.

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Go on. Go on.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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-I know why you want one of them headsets.

-Why?

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You don't want to mess up your hair. HE CHUCKLES

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-What hair you've got left.

-Don't.

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Hey, baldy.

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Baldy bouncer.

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-Leave it.

-Baldy, baldy. Baldy.

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-Baldy, baldy, baldy.

-LEAVE IT!

-Oi! Oi!

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That's it. Every last one of them.

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GLASS SHATTERING

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Shine a light. What were that?

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HE GROANS

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Max!

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-Is he all right? Has he fell?

-Jesus Christ. Help me, will you?

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Get up, you girl.

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Took my mum for a big shop today.

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We always go Asda, because we can park in that parent-and-child bit

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at the front of the shop.

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I'm with my mum. They don't put an age range on it, you might as well.

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You're right at the front of the shop, it's beltin'.

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At least you know where you parked when you come out.

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You're not like them dads that can't remember.

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I love seeing dads when they come out. They've no short-term memory.

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When the car is parked there and they come out...

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"Car's gone. Bloody car's gone.

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"Jean. Jean, car's gone."

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They do that dad run that dads do. I love that.

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Where they don't actually move any quicker. They just...

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Have you seen that? "Jean."

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"Bloody car's gone. Sierra... Sierra's gone."

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You might as well walk. What's that?!

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"Jean, bloody car's... It's gone. We've had it."

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I love seeing people running for buses and then they miss them,

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and then pretend that they didn't want them.

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What's all that about?!

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-Anyway, how was your make-up party?

-Virgin V.

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It's next Monday. I got my weeks wrong.

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-I just went dogging instead.

-Come again?

-Eh?

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-What?

-Virgin V, it's next Monday.

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Bugger the Virgin V. You went dogging?

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Yeah, went with Ken my neighbour. There was nothing on telly,

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so we just went up the back field.

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-Dogging?

-Yeah.

-As in dogging?

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-Yeah, dogging.

-Well...

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-Well, you've opened my eyes.

-What do you mean?

-You went dogging?

-Yes!

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-And who's this Ken fella?

-Ken, my next door neighbour.

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-He's in his 80s now, but he's very active.

-Sounds like it.

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Beautiful blue eyes.

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I think that's the glaucoma.

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I have to link him through the woods.

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I bet you do.

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Dirty old bastard.

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What?! What's your problem?

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Nowt.

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It is a shame for him, though.

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He usually takes Maggie, but she's on her last legs.

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-Who's Maggie?

-His cocker.

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A cocker?

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Spaniel.

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A dog?

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Well, what else?

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So dogging's with a dog?

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Are you slow, John?

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Of course dogging's with a dog. What else would dogging be?

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So you didn't have sex outdoors with people watching?

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Are you out of your...?! What?! What are you...?!

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Why are you asking me that?!

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Sick!

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SHE RETCHES

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-You are sick, John.

-Why?

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You said you went dogging outdoors. What am I supposed to think?

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In the park, with my dog!

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Dogging with my dog, Misty.

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So you go dog walking, you don't go dogging.

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-Well, it's the same thing.

-They're not the same thing.

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Are they hellers the same thing. They're a million miles apart!

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Where have you been living, on the moon?

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Dog walkers are doggers.

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I've even got a car sticker that says,

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"Dogging's for life, not just for Christmas."

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People are always beeping.

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I bet they are! I bloody bet they are!

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Dogging is people outside, using a car,

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having sex with other people watching.

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Urgh!

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-Where's the dog?

-What dog?

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Where's the dog in your dogging?

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I don't know. I...

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-I don't think there is a dog.

-Well, why is it called dogging?

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Don't know, but I'm telling you, dogging is not walking with dogs.

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You're winding me up.

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Ask anybody.

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-Do you know what? I bloody well will.

-I'm telling you.

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Whoa! Can you move back, please? Can you move back, please?

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15 quid a ticket, why can't we go around there?

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Cos it's for VIPs only, that's why, love.

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Oh, hey, it's all wrong, this. We're penned in here like cows.

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-PADDY, ON RADIO:

-'Punch her in the face.'

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Right, Roy, if you'd just like to get under the ribbon. Ten!

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Nine.

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-ALL:

-Eight, seven, six, five,

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four, three, two, one...

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MUTED CHEERS

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Look at the lights, look at the lights.

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Oi, love, look at the lights.

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Ladies and gentlemen, and Roy, welcome to the Phoenix Club.

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-ONE PERSON CLAPS

-Yay.

-If you'd like...

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If you'd like to make your way through to the Pennine Suite,

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"can-apes" will be served forthwith.

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Eyeball, eyeball, I think I've got myself a convoy here.

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'10-4, Rubberdick.'

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Hey, less of the Rubberdick.

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Baldly.

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MAX CHUCKLES

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Know what I love about a karaoke?

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When you're singing on a karaoke,

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you haven't got a clue that those were t'words.

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I was singing Take That, Back For Good.

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# Wash your back Wash your back

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# Wash your back... #

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"Want you back"?! What's this, "Want you back"?

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I've been singing "wash your back" for 15 years.

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It's only when you go on a karaoke and you see t'lyrics,

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that's what they're supposed to be singing!

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You know that song, We Are Family?

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For years, I thought they were singing,

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"Just let me staple the vicar."

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Right? Who's right and who's wrong here? Listen.

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# All of the people around us they say

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# "Can they be that close?"

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-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# Just let me staple the vicar... #

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That's what they sing!

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"Just let me staple the vicar."

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What's all that about?

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# Just let me staple the vicar... #

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"We're giving love in a Femidom."

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-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# We're giving love in a Femidom

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# We are family... #

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You know Duffy? Duffy, the Welsh songstress?

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Last three years,

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I thought that poor cow were begging me for birdseed.

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LAUGHTER

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-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# I'm begging you for birdseed, birdseed

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# I'm begging you for birdseed, birdseed... #

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Apparently, it's "mercy". I thought it were birdseed!

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I'm on t'karaoke with it, "Birdseed, birdseed!"

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"Mercy"?

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-MAX, OVER RADIO: Patrick, can you hear me now?

-Yeah.

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Hang on. Can you hear me now?

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Hear you? I can see you, you dick.

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Can you hear me now?

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Yeah, you'll have to go further than that.

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They're dear, these, you know.

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Can you hear me now?

0:15:370:15:38

LAUGHTER

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# I can't go on

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# Thinking

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# Nothing's wrong... #

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Drive, by The Cars. A beautiful song.

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They used this on Live Aid, do you remember?

0:15:490:15:51

They showed it over this harrowing footage

0:15:510:15:54

of these starving Ethiopians.

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ONE PERSON CACKLES

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LAUGHTER

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HE MOUTHS

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If you listen closely, they're actually singing about pork pie.

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Pork pie, swear to God!

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# Thinking

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# Nothing's wrong

0:16:170:16:19

-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# Pork pie. #

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LAUGHTER

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I pledged money, me. "Pork pie"! I pledged money!

0:16:250:16:29

'Can you hear me now? Paddy, can you hear me now?'

0:16:310:16:34

Yeah, where are you?

0:16:340:16:35

'I'm here, look. I'm on the bus, on the bus.'

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Look, I'm here. Hey, look, I'm on the bus! Hey!

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Hey! Look, I'm on the bus. Hey!

0:16:410:16:44

LAUGHTER

0:16:440:16:45

-MICHAEL JACKSON:

-# You are not alone. #

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Can't believe it, can you? You know what I mean?

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He should have been on here.

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PARTS OF AUDIENCE "OOH"

0:17:170:17:21

Apparently, according to Michael, your burgers are the best.

0:17:240:17:28

# I can hear your prayers

0:17:280:17:31

-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# Your burgers are the best. #

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He must have had one of their burger vans.

0:17:420:17:44

You know they have at funfairs?

0:17:440:17:46

Doing steak Canadians and hot dogs.

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Speaking of hot dogs...

0:17:500:17:52

# Near

0:17:520:17:54

# Far

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# Wherever you are... #

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I believe the hot dogs go on.

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-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# I believe that the hot dogs go on. #

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He's got a bit of rivalry, eh, Michael?

0:18:150:18:18

Celine's peddling hot dogs.

0:18:180:18:19

It's on his patch.

0:18:210:18:22

How did you get on with Misty, being at work all day?

0:18:240:18:28

She's a house dog. She's very lazy.

0:18:280:18:31

Ken nips round at lunchtime.

0:18:310:18:33

What, has he got a key?

0:18:330:18:35

-Yeah.

-You gave him a key to your house?

-Yeah.

0:18:350:18:38

-Why?

-In emergencies.

0:18:380:18:41

He nips in at lunchtime, lets her out the back,

0:18:410:18:43

she has a little run round.

0:18:430:18:45

Sometimes, if he's going for a walk, he'll take her with him.

0:18:450:18:47

You're very trusting, giving him a key.

0:18:470:18:49

It's Ken, what's he going to do?

0:18:490:18:51

-Dance round with your knickers on his head.

-Ugh...

0:18:510:18:54

You're bad-minded, John, that's your problem.

0:18:540:18:56

Well, you leave a camera set up, you'll soon find out...

0:18:560:18:59

Yes, we will soon find out.

0:18:590:19:01

Never mind You've Been Framed, it'll be Ken Goes Dogging.

0:19:010:19:04

Right, pull over now.

0:19:040:19:06

-What?

-Just pull over here, quick.

0:19:060:19:08

Why? What's up? Oh, come on, I was only having a laugh.

0:19:080:19:11

Excuse me.

0:19:120:19:13

Yeah, you. Excuse me, have you got a minute?

0:19:130:19:16

You know him?

0:19:160:19:17

-Who is he?

-Hello! You're beautiful, aren't you?

0:19:170:19:21

You out with your daddy? You're beautiful. How old is she?

0:19:210:19:25

-She's just six months.

-Aww.

-Bloody handful, I can tell you.

-Aww.

0:19:250:19:29

-Listen, would you mind settling an argument for us?

-Go on.

0:19:290:19:33

Would you describe yourself as a dogger?

0:19:330:19:35

Oh, sorry, bud, she don't mean any offence.

0:19:350:19:37

-Don't listen.

-Is this a wind-up?

-No, no, not at all, not at all.

0:19:370:19:41

-Oh, God.

-So, why do you ask? Are you both, erm, doggers?

0:19:410:19:44

Well, I am, he just thinks I'm some kind of weirdo.

0:19:440:19:47

Most natural thing in the world! I've done it for years.

0:19:470:19:50

-How I met the wife.

-Aww.

0:19:500:19:52

See?

0:19:520:19:53

And where do you do your dogging, mate?

0:19:530:19:56

To be honest, best place I've found -

0:19:560:19:58

the industrial estate after dark.

0:19:580:20:00

-Right.

-Need to keep your wits about you.

0:20:000:20:02

Yeah.

0:20:020:20:03

Why, are you looking for a mate to go dogging with?

0:20:040:20:07

Me and the wife would love the company.

0:20:070:20:09

Yeah, don't see why not. That would be lovely.

0:20:090:20:12

See? Told you.

0:20:120:20:14

He doesn't understand the joys of dogging.

0:20:140:20:16

Well, he's clearly never fucked in front of a crowd, has he, flower?

0:20:160:20:19

Right, drive on. Drive on, John! John, drive, drive, drive!

0:20:190:20:22

Since you crowned Geraldine your winner,

0:20:280:20:30

she has become an international superstar, and it now seems

0:20:300:20:33

that everybody wants a big helping of the dinner lady-turned-diva.

0:20:330:20:37

I've not stopped.

0:20:370:20:39

I've hardly had time to catch my breath, which is a worry

0:20:390:20:41

because I'm asthmatic. It's been an amazing few months.

0:20:410:20:44

I've been whisked here and whisked there. Here, there and everywhere.

0:20:440:20:48

I've done more photoshoots than Max Spielmann.

0:20:480:20:50

They've had me in every position imaginable - nothing candid.

0:20:500:20:53

Not yet, anyway!

0:20:530:20:54

GERALDINE SNORTS

0:20:540:20:56

I met Barack Obama. Barack Obama, can you believe it?

0:20:560:20:59

He's truly an amazing man.

0:20:590:21:01

Got to sing The Winner's Song with him.

0:21:010:21:03

That was incredible.

0:21:030:21:05

But one of the highlights for me was going on Hole In The Wall.

0:21:050:21:08

Though my team lost - I had Mr T and Stephen Hawking.

0:21:080:21:12

No holes fit him.

0:21:120:21:13

I also got to appear with one of my favourite bands of all time,

0:21:130:21:17

Take That. I was a special guest on their show.

0:21:170:21:20

Please welcome Geraldine!

0:21:200:21:21

That was amazing. They were lovely, lovely men.

0:21:230:21:26

Gary, Howard, Jason and Mark - met them all.

0:21:260:21:28

I can't believe it. Look at me, stood here with Take That!

0:21:280:21:31

I can't believe it!

0:21:310:21:33

And then I had to do a little bit of a quiz.

0:21:330:21:35

Which member of Take That would like to ride me like a donkey?

0:21:350:21:38

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:21:390:21:42

Now, come on!

0:21:420:21:43

-You can ride us all, Geraldine.

-All of you. Form a queue.

0:21:460:21:49

I was getting down off the boxes and then Mark grabbed me

0:21:490:21:51

and pulled me on top of him!

0:21:510:21:53

What's he like? I was on top of him in the studio, straddling him.

0:21:550:21:58

I nearly crushed him to death!

0:21:580:21:59

Unbelievable. What does he think I am, a machine?

0:22:000:22:03

And can you believe I got a call from the lovely

0:22:030:22:05

Stella McCartney asking if I could turn on the Christmas lights

0:22:050:22:08

at a shop in Mayfair?

0:22:080:22:10

We had to pay so much for this appearance.

0:22:100:22:12

That was a very glamorous night.

0:22:120:22:14

Stella is such a lovely person, but sadly none of her clothes fit me.

0:22:140:22:18

Everybody was there. I got to meet Lulu.

0:22:180:22:20

That was ironic because I ordered my very fist Cross Your Heart Bra

0:22:200:22:23

when she was doing the Freemans catalogues.

0:22:230:22:26

That was over 30 years ago! She still looks the same!

0:22:260:22:29

I don't know how she does it.

0:22:290:22:30

# He has a powerful weapon

0:22:300:22:33

# He charges a million a shot. #

0:22:330:22:35

And I had to go outside and flick the big switch.

0:22:350:22:38

You should have seen the paparazzi - unbelievable! I felt like Diana.

0:22:380:22:42

Good job I don't have epilepsy.

0:22:420:22:43

CHEERING

0:22:430:22:46

We sang a few Christmas songs

0:22:480:22:49

and then who would you believe showed up?

0:22:490:22:52

Sir Paul McCartney!

0:22:520:22:54

I'm sure that man's stalking me.

0:22:540:22:56

It was amazing. We sang together...

0:22:560:22:59

# Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. #

0:22:590:23:07

See, I knew we'd see each other again.

0:23:070:23:09

Special connection.

0:23:090:23:10

But I think the highlight of everything I've done so far

0:23:130:23:16

has been appearing on the Royal Variety Performance

0:23:160:23:18

in front of Prince Charles.

0:23:180:23:20

I get emotional just thinking about it now.

0:23:200:23:23

To think I used to sit at home when I was a little boy,

0:23:230:23:25

me and my mummy and daddy, and dream about being on it one day.

0:23:250:23:29

There I was on stage.

0:23:290:23:31

Hello.

0:23:320:23:34

Well, who'd have thought it?

0:23:340:23:36

Little old me on the Royal Variety Performance.

0:23:360:23:40

Now I'm about to perform in front of His Royal Highness.

0:23:400:23:42

You'll get your crown eventually - I got mine.

0:23:440:23:48

I met Prince Charles after.

0:23:480:23:49

I told him I had him at home on a tea towel, and would you believe?

0:23:490:23:52

He's got one of me!

0:23:520:23:54

Said him and Camilla used to vote for me every week.

0:23:540:23:57

I'd like to take this opportunity while I'm here to say thanks -

0:24:000:24:03

thanks to each and every one of the people who voted for me.

0:24:030:24:06

My journey so far has been incredible

0:24:060:24:09

and it's all because I had a dream.

0:24:090:24:11

Just like Dr Martin Luther King, I had a dream.

0:24:110:24:15

And you've got to have a dream. If you don't have a dream,

0:24:150:24:17

how else are you going to have a dream come true?

0:24:170:24:20

Meanwhile, k.d. lang's singing about arseholes.

0:24:260:24:29

-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# Arseholes. #

0:24:300:24:33

LAUGHTER

0:24:330:24:35

I don't waste my evenings.

0:24:380:24:40

# What do you get when you kiss a guy?

0:24:470:24:50

# You get enough germs to catch pneumonia. #

0:24:500:24:54

After you do, he'll never bone you.

0:24:540:24:57

I swear to God, bone you.

0:24:570:24:59

Bobbie Gentry, filth. Listen.

0:24:590:25:02

# Enough germs to catch pneumonia

0:25:020:25:05

# After you do, he'll never bone ya. #

0:25:050:25:09

HE MOUTHS

0:25:130:25:15

Filth. I've sang that in the car with my mum!

0:25:180:25:21

# I-I-I believe in you-ou-ou-ou-ou. #

0:25:210:25:27

-You going out tonight?

-No, back to my mum's again.

0:25:290:25:33

Power-washing the stone cladding,

0:25:330:25:35

-after I've taken her to Zumba.

-Oh, where does she go?

0:25:350:25:38

Mmm, church hall, Prestolee. Near the crematorium.

0:25:380:25:42

Oh, she wants to try Sh'Bam.

0:25:420:25:43

It's the new Zumba, works every muscle group.

0:25:430:25:46

She can come with me.

0:25:460:25:48

St Michael's Primary every Tuesday. Don't, you'll make me yawn.

0:25:480:25:51

How much?

0:25:510:25:52

3.50, but they test your cholesterol, as well.

0:25:520:25:55

-Who does?

-Shirley's husband.

0:25:550:25:57

Is he trained?

0:25:570:25:59

Well, he got a pack from Flora a couple of years back. He uses that.

0:25:590:26:02

-Oh, 'ey up, you're wanted here.

-Oh, it's Ken from next door.

0:26:020:26:05

-You're shitting me.

-Don't say anything, don't say anything.

0:26:050:26:09

-Hiya, Ken!

-Hiya, Kayleigh!

-Hello!

0:26:090:26:12

-This is John from work.

-Oh, hi, John.

0:26:120:26:14

-Come in, why don't you? Come in!

-This is Ken.

0:26:140:26:17

That's a hell of a grip, eh? Bet you need that.

0:26:170:26:19

Kayleigh, do you fancy going dogging again after Corrie?

0:26:190:26:23

HE CHORTLES

0:26:230:26:25

-You all right?

-She just told me a joke, buddy.

0:26:260:26:29

I'll tell you it later, Ken.

0:26:290:26:30

I think we need to have a little chat, Kenneth, all right?

0:26:300:26:34

OK, I'll come out now, Ken.

0:26:340:26:37

OK.

0:26:370:26:38

-I'll leave that one with you, Kayleigh.

-Shut up.

0:26:390:26:43

Shut up!

0:26:430:26:44

-I'll see you in the morning!

-See you tomorrow.

-Yes!

0:26:450:26:48

Woof!

0:26:480:26:50

Get in there, Ken!

0:26:520:26:54

Whoo!

0:26:540:26:55

# I-I-I believe in you-ou-ou-ou-ou. #

0:26:570:27:03

Every time I think of it, I piss myself.

0:27:030:27:06

-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# Every time I think of it I piss myself. #

0:27:070:27:12

# You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine

0:27:270:27:31

# You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in. #

0:27:310:27:35

Hey, can I just tell you I do my own choreography,

0:27:350:27:38

in case you were wondering?

0:27:380:27:39

I can't believe you kiss your cock at night.

0:27:410:27:45

-SOUNDS LIKE:

-# Guys who likes to shine his machine

0:27:450:27:47

# You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in

0:27:470:27:52

# I can't believe you kiss your cock at night. #

0:27:520:27:55

Can't even see mine, let alone kiss it!

0:28:010:28:03

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much! Good night.

0:28:070:28:10

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:100:28:12

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