Illness QI


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Illness

Stephen Fry investigates illness with Jo Brand, Ben Goldacre, Andy Hamilton and Alan Davies.


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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening!

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And welcome to QI and my breeziest and most patronising bedside manner

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for a show that's all about illness, infection and injury.

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Joining me in Casualty are the slightly indisposed

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-Andy Hamilton.

-APPLAUSE

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Thank you, thank you.

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-The disturbingly insidious Ben Goldacre...

-APPLAUSE

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The seriously infectious Jo Brand...

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APPLAUSE

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And the terminally ill-informed Alan Davies.

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-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

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And, to tell you the truth, their buzzers don't sound so hot either. Andy goes...

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COUGHING

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-Ben goes...

-A-CHOO!

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-Jo goes...

-AMBULANCE SIREN

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-And Alan goes...

-THE DEATH MARCH

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-LAUGHTER

-Oh, dear!

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And don't forget, of course, that you have your Nobody Knows Jokers.

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TRUMPET BLAST Nobody knows!

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In this series there may well be a question to which the real answer is nobody knows,

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and if you can guess which question that is, you get extra points for playing your Nobody Knows Jokers.

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Now, why would you swallow a pill made of a poisonous metalloid?

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-AMBULANCE SIREN

-Yes?

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Would it be because you got really pissed one night,

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and then you woke up the next morning and realised you were next to Michael Winner in bed?

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Well, oddly enough, until you got to that last point,

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one of the uses of that poisonous metalloid was as a morning-after pill.

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But its other use was for the other end of the body.

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A metalloid called antimony, and it's a poison.

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But it was popular in the Middle Ages as a pill because it was very good for constipation.

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The weird thing about it is you would make a pill of antimony, it would pass through the body...

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You would then rummage through your leavings and wash it and use it again.

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"Rummage through your leavings"!

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-I wasn't quite sure how to put it.

-I'm certainly going to use that again!

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-I like that one a lot.

-And this would get handed on from father to son through generations.

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-And they'd use the same one?

-Because it's a rare...

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A father's leavings and his father's leavings...

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This ball has been up your great-grandfather!

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-And that's the earliest example of a repeat prescription.

-Yes!

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-Very good.

-600 years!

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Absolutely. The other use of it was an antimony cup where you would pour wine into it overnight,

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when you'd had a large evening,

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and in the morning you'd take the wine that had been soaked in this antimony cup, as it were,

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and it would make you vomit instantly, so it was used as an emetic.

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-So what is it? It's a naturally occurring thing?

-Yes, it's an element.

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And it's an irritant, presumably?

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There's a mnemonic for remembering laxatives

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which is they're bulkers, lubricants, irritants, softeners and explosives.

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And explosives would work like cholera.

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You would stick them up your bum. Technical.

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Or suppositories, as we comedians say.

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-So that's for a really serious case of being stuffed up?

-Yeah.

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-A proper phosphate enema, rocket fuel.

-Wow!

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On a skateboard.

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In Ancient Egypt, there was a doctor whose specialised function was to administer enemas to the pharaoh.

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He was known as the "neru phuyt", which literally translates as "shepherd of the anus".

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-LAUGHTER

-An official job.

-With the crook, you mean?

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Obviously not a natural thing. Animals don't pump warm water up their arses, do they?

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I mean, it doesn't seem to happen in nature in way that we know of.

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-How did it come about?

-They are very popular with quacks.

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I think there's something quite attractive about how transgressive it is

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to squirt a lot of something up your bum

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that makes pretend doctors feel like real doctors.

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-But there was a guy, John Harvey Kellogg, the man behind Corn Flakes...

-The Road To Wellville.

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Yeah, yeah. He had this big kind of quack clinic that he ran

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where the moment that you arrived you had to make a visit to a man called the Rear Admiral who would...

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bend you over and fill you with fresh yogurt and then you would poo that out,

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-and then you'd be ready to quack on with your detox.

-And they would deal with your thrush at the same time.

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What time's this show going out? LAUGHTER

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Will people be eating?

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Well, I mean, almost the most kind of basic fact about us all is that we poo.

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And also that we are, as we age supposedly, we get more obsessed by it.

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It's all you've got left, really. isn't it?

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And there are stories of nurses who get sent stools by grateful patients. You've heard those?

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They're not necessarily grateful.

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Weirdly, I've no idea why, but that habit has followed me through into my comedy career as well!

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There was a chap recently who tried to kill somebody by... He packed his anus with explosives,

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and it was a Middle East prince, I can't remember which one, but he showed up...

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His plan was shake the guy by the hand and then trigger it,

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but, unfortunately, the body is very good at absorbing explosives.

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That's why you have heroic acts with people jumping on to hand grenades and stuff.

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So all that happened was he shook this prince by the hand

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and the bomb went off and he just bumped up in the air slightly and then fell on to his knees,

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and the prince, like any sort of royal, just went, "Very good!"

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Oh, dear, oh, dear! Well, that's antimony.

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As I said, antimony pills were quite literally passed down through the family.

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Now, placebos. Placebos are often administered in the shape of sugar pills.

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The question is how do they work?

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-Very good!

-TRUMPET BLAST Nobody knows!

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Now, you might want to question this, Ben.

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APPLAUSE

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-Well, they do work, but nobody quite knows why.

-What's extraordinary is not only do they work,

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they work even when you tell someone it's a placebo.

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-I mean, you obviously have studied the placebo effect more than most.

-Mm-hm. It's amazing.

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I think the magic ingredient of the sugar pills is... it's belief and expectation.

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So, for example, we know that four sugar pills a day are a more effective treatment

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-than two sugar pills a day.

-Yes.

-And we know that a saltwater injection is a more effective treatment

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than taking a sugar pill, not because the saltwater injection or a sugar pill does anything

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physically to your body, but just because an injection feels like a much more dramatic...

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Is it something to do with you just feel you're being taken care of?

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-Some part of your body yields to the authority of an injection, even more than to a pill?

-Yeah...

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-you know, pacemakers start working before they've been switched on.

-Yes.

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I've heard this. Or knee surgery as well. They've cut people's knees open and then sewn them up,

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and they've said they feel better even though they've not actually done anything.

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That's kind of why it's important to do proper trials.

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Otherwise you'd be running around thinking that it was worth cutting people open

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and messing around with their heart, and actually it wasn't, it was just...

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The intervention, the almost priest-like nature of the doctor, the faith that is reposed in them,

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obviously that goes some way, I suppose, to explaining homeopathy,

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because a homeopathic pill is as inert as a sugar pill, in fact.

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But as Andy rightly said nobody really knows quite how the placebos work, but work they jolly well do!

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What kind of condition that astronauts suffer from is measured by the Garn scale?

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Garn is what Steptoe used to say a lot! "Go orn!"

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Eilza Doolittle says "garn" as well, doesn't she? Yeah...it's named after Senator Garn who was...

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a senator who became an astronaut.

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-He suffered very particularly from what most astronauts suffer from.

-Depression?

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No, seasickness, or at least travel sickness.

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It's really, really bad up there, apparently.

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There's a lot of vomming.

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-Which is not nice in weightlessness.

-Drifting around the cabin!

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-Oh!

-In fact...

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They can't do that, they've got a helmet on. It'd have to be...

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Yeah.

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47% of all the medication used by the shuttle astronauts were seasickness tablets.

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The sickest was Jake Garn in '85, and so after him they used the Garn scale.

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A score of 1 Garn means you are completely incapacitated by sickness up there.

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-It's the right word, cos it sounds like someone chucking up.

-Garn!

-It does.

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Do you know what causes seasickness, for example?

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Is it going up and down on the sea?

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Yes...

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that's the condition in which it happens.

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-Oh, you mean physically causes it?

-Why does it make one sick?

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Sometimes I've felt unwell on a ship just from the throbbing of the engines,

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not even the boat moving about much.

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Some sensation that's making this constant movement, it starts to make things come up.

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-It's a disconnect between the visual information and the sort of balance information, isn't it?

-That's right.

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-I'm at half a Garn at the moment.

-Are you? Just from looking at that...?

-I know!

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-It is!

-Watch the horizon!

-Why don't birds get it when they're bobbing about on the surface?

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-They never throw up.

-How do you know they don't?

-That's true.

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Or of course maybe they've just evolved not to.

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The bad things to do are going below deck for a long time, reading a book, looking at a compass,

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doing detailed work or staring at one point.

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It's helpful to stay in the fresh air, drink plenty of water, avoid fatty and spicy foods...

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They say that for everything! Everything!

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You can't move for advice now. You turn on 5 Live and someone's always telling you,

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"Well, we've got an expert in because it's sunny today. What do you think we should do?"

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"Well, you want to watch out because you can get sunburn.

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"Apply a cream or wear a hat." Are they seriously saying this on the radio?

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-What are you doing?

-And do avoid fatty and spicy foods!

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-Don't jump out of the window if you're on the tenth floor.

-Absolutely.

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-That must be from the film The Perfect Storm.

-It looks like a film.

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That would be an exceptionally good photograph from another boat!

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That's such a good point!

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How did you hold that so still?

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Anyway, yeah, that's the Garn scale. Almost half of all astronauts suffer from space sickness, it seems.

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What is intelligent falling?

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-AMBULANCE SIREN

-Jo Brand.

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Is it when you see Michael Winner coming towards you...

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and you deliberately trip so you can avoid him?

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That would be intelligent falling!

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-APPLAUSE

-Very good!

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-You've really got it in for the Winster, haven't you?

-I have.

-Yeah.

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Is it cos he's not returning your calls, is that what it is?

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He won't take me out to dinner!

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Is intelligent falling what Ronaldo does in the penalty area? Is that it?

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No, it's a kind of way of trying to demonstrate what scientists mean by theory.

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Because, as you probably know, they have in America this idea

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that it's equivalent to teach intelligent design as it is to teach the theory of evolution,

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because they say, "Well, the theory of evolution is only a theory,

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"so why can't we suggest our theory?" which is a misunderstanding of what a scientist means by theory.

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-You've lost me.

-Yeah, well, you've heard of the theory of evolution?

-Yeah.

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-And you've heard of intelligent design?

-No.

-Ah! Well, in America,

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religious people who decide that evolution is contrary to what the Bible says about the Creation,

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they want children to believe that all creation was made by an intelligent being, ie, God.

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And designed by some something.

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-And their name for it, rather than just saying, "Just believe the Bible," is intelligent design.

-OK.

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"It's a theory of evolution, so why can't we have a theory of intelligent design?"

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And they can both be taught in the same way.

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All I'm getting at is that theory has a rather specific meaning in science. It's not the same as guess.

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It's not even the same as hypothesis.

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This is what the OED calls a theory.

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"A statement of what are held to be general laws, principles or causes of something known or observed",

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ie, that's not a guess.

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The theory of evolution, as far as any biologist or zoologist would say, is true.

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-I mean, it is supported by facts.

-So what is intelligent falling?

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Intelligent falling is saying, "Well, Newton had a theory of gravity,

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"but it was overturned by Einstein's theory of gravity, so why can't we suggest our theory?"

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-which is intelligent falling.

-Isn't the point partly

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that different theories are supported by different amounts of evidence?

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For example, David Icke has a theory that the Royal Family are all seven-foot green lizards

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in six-foot human skin suits, and he doesn't have a lot of evidence for that theory.

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-He doesn't, does he?

-Whereas evolution is supported by a lot of evidence.

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And if you want to question a theory then you should do so by challenging its evidence,

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-rather than by...

-Exactly.

-Intelligent design believers in America,

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-what do they think they put in their cars?

-It is a problem. It's a hard position to be a fundamentalist.

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On the one hand you have to forgive people, on the other you have to take their eye out...

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Bit difficult to know which one you're supposed to do at any one moment.

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-Well, if Michael Winner's around...

-Yes.

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..I should make a decision!

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I've got this fantasy of Michael Winner sitting down, saying, "Oh, it's Friday!

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"What shall I do? I know! I'll watch QI. Jo Brand's on. She's my favourite!"

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-And his disappointment when he sees you being so...

-He won't be disappointed.

-No, perhaps he won't.

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So there we are. The fact is, evolution and gravity may be theories,

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but they work perfectly well in practice. Who was the last British monarch to be deliberately killed?

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Was it one of the ones who got beheaded?

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Er...no.

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LAUGHTER Worth trying.

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-You avoided saying Charles I whom most people think...

-I couldn't bloody remember him!

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-It happened in Norfolk, so where would that likely be if it was a monarch?

-Sandringham.

-Sandringham.

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-It was the Queen's dad.

-No, not the Queen's dad, the Queen's grandfather.

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This is King George V who was the grandfather of our current monarch.

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There he is, looking spookily like his cousin Nicholas Tsar Alexander.

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It's an attested story by the man who did it. It's extraordinary that it isn't better known, really.

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In 1936, he was at Sandringham, feeling unwell.

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On 15 January he retired to his bedroom.

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By the 20th, he was comatose and clearly dying, but still clinging to life.

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This presented his doctor, a man called Lord Dawson, with a bit of a problem.

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In Dawson's opinion, the world at large would be better served by hearing of the King's death

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in the morning papers,

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rather than by him lingering on a little bit longer

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and it being in what he sniffily referred to as "the evening journals".

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So he decided to force the issue.

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He wrote a very famous bulletin on the back of a menu card which was telephoned to the BBC.

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"The life of the King is moving peacefully to its close."

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He then went up to the bedroom, and this, according to his own diary, is what he did.

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"I therefore decided to determine the end

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"and injected morphia, three-quarters of a grain,

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"and shortly afterwards cocaine, 1 grain..."

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-Lucky old King!

-"..Into the distended jugular vein.

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"I did it myself because it was obvious that Sister B, the King's nurse,

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"was disturbed by the procedure."

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LAUGHTER

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"So I injected Sister B as well."

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Essentially, isn't that what a speedball is? He's basically gone the same way as John Belushi!

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It's... He gave him a speedball of morphia and cocaine.

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-And he told the family, did he?

-Well, he wrote it in his diary and this was reve4aled in 1986.

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-Treason?

-Well, it was quite extraordinary.

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And the weird thing is, being a Lord, he was in the House of Lords,

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not long afterwards he voted against euthanasia in a euthanasia debate.

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He said, "I'm not opposed to euthanasia per se..." Having just killed the King, not surprising.

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"I just felt it should be left to the discretion of doctors...

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-"not anybody else." There we are.

-Or a doctor.

-"Or myself."

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Now for a bizarre illness. What would you call a man who eats literally everything?

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AMBULANCE SIREN

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Winner.

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HOOTER

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Gotcha!

0:17:340:17:35

Oh, no!

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-Everything? Like pens and paperclips and lifebelts...?

-Yes, basically. Polyphagism, also known as pica.

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"An excessive appetite, often for non-nutritious substances,

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"coal, clay, chalk, nuts, bolts, batteries, soil and so on".

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It's a very exaggerated version of what can sometimes happen in pregnancy.

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Did you get any weird appetites when you were pregnant?

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Yeah, I ate a bit less.

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Some animals suffer from it.

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In horses, it's called depraved appetite,

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but the most extreme example we could come across was a man called Tarrare,

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a Frenchman in the late-18th century, he only lived a shortish life.

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He was abandoned by his family as a child because they couldn't afford the food that he ate.

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After working as a street entertainer swallowing stones and live animals,

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be became a soldier, and they decided to test his appetite, and he obliged,

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and he ate a meal intended for 15 people in a single sitting.

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He tore apart and ate, without chewing, live cats, snakes, lizards and puppies...

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and so they thought maybe he'd be a useful spy so they gave him things to swallow to go behind enemy...

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-They were at war with Prussia. But he was caught first time...

-"He'd be a good spy"?

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-He'd rather draw attention to himself!

-Well, no...

-Eating everything!

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They thought he could just swallow some box with military secrets in it, basically.

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So when he was searched he would have nothing. That was their theory.

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So he was then put on a diet in a military hospital and he would scavenge offal in gutters,

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he would escape from the hospital, in rubbish heaps outside butcher's...

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-Did they put offal in gutters?

-Yes, and outside butcher's shops.

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-Oh, I see.

-Bits of guts.

-Someone went "I don't like the look of that liver," and chucked it away.

-Exactly.

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And he attempted to drink the blood of other patients and eat the corpses in the hospital morgue.

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You know who's like that, don't you?

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LAUGHTER I don't even need to say it any more, do I?

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Anyway, he was eventually ejected from the hospital under suspicion of having eaten a toddler.

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-And then he died...

-Eating a what?

-A toddler, a little baby, a child, an infant, yes...

0:19:350:19:40

which is against the law in France.

0:19:400:19:42

Yeah, they're picky, the French, with their laws, aren't they?

0:19:420:19:47

They had to draw the line somewhere.

0:19:470:19:48

They did an autopsy. He had a belly so loose, he could wrap the loose folds of skin around his waist.

0:19:480:19:53

He sweated constantly and stank to such a degree

0:19:530:19:56

that he could not be endured within a distance of 20 paces.

0:19:560:19:58

At table his eyes would become bloodshot and a visible vapour...

0:19:580:20:02

I'm becoming increasingly attracted to him.

0:20:020:20:05

..A visible vapour would rise from his body when he ate.

0:20:050:20:09

-Bloody marvellous!

-Surely somebody's got to make a film about this man!

0:20:100:20:14

He didn't gain weight or vomit and he seemed perfectly sane.

0:20:140:20:19

-He didn't gain weight?

-No.

-On the eat-everything diet, he didn't gain weight?

0:20:190:20:24

If you've got a whole cat and a dog inside, they probably eat everything else.

0:20:240:20:27

-Yes, that's true, like the little old lady who swallowed the fly.

-There was a diet pill like that

0:20:270:20:31

-where people would eat...

-The tapeworm.

-The tapeworm egg, and wait until they got to their ideal weight

0:20:310:20:36

and then they'd take the Helminticide that would kill the tapeworm, and poo out the worm,

0:20:360:20:40

-and then get on nicely slim.

-I wish they still made that.

0:20:400:20:44

His autopsy, you'll be pleased to know, also revealed an enlarged liver and gall bladder,

0:20:440:20:48

an enormous stomach covered in ulcers and oozing puss.

0:20:480:20:51

So that's nice!

0:20:520:20:53

So now drop your trousers, it's time for a dose of general ignorance! Fingers on beepers, please!

0:20:530:20:58

Why shouldn't you sleep with a dog?

0:20:580:21:02

COUGHING

0:21:020:21:03

He won't respect you in the morning, will he?

0:21:030:21:06

It's against the law, isn't it?

0:21:070:21:09

I don't know, I don't mean sleep with it in the sexual sense, I mean share a bed with.

0:21:090:21:13

I'm afraid it's really terribly unhealthy.

0:21:130:21:15

Quite a lot of plague, amazingly, good old bubonic plague,

0:21:150:21:19

-especially in the Southern states of America...

-Not in this country, surely?

-Not at the moment.

0:21:190:21:24

-We seem to be OK in this country.

-Where dogs are wearing those anti-plague hats!

0:21:240:21:29

Can I just say a propos of nothing, what hideous pillowcases!

0:21:310:21:36

They are, aren't they?

0:21:360:21:37

Is it a book from the '70s that picture?

0:21:370:21:40

I bet they're that kind of brushed nylon where you can catch your fingernails on it!

0:21:400:21:43

Actually, the diseases you get off animals are often worse than the diseases you get off people,

0:21:430:21:49

because diseases that live in humans can't kill you off instantly and universally,

0:21:490:21:56

cos otherwise the disease would die out and they need you to carry on

0:21:560:21:59

going to work and sneezing on the bus

0:21:590:22:00

and scratching your arse and preparing food and all the other things you do to transmit stuff.

0:22:000:22:05

But something that lives on a dog, it doesn't care if it kills off a dead-end host like a human.

0:22:050:22:11

-That's not what it's bred to... It's not part of its normal life cycle.

-That's not how it gets around.

0:22:110:22:16

Anyway, letting dogs and cats share your bed can cause all manner of problems,

0:22:160:22:19

so now I'm having a panic attack... What do you recommend?

0:22:190:22:23

AMBULANCE SIREN

0:22:230:22:24

-Yes?

-A paper bag...

0:22:240:22:26

HOOTER

0:22:260:22:29

Yes...good old paper bag.

0:22:290:22:31

-No, no longer.

-Is that not recommended any more?

-No, it isn't. No.

0:22:310:22:34

-Nor indeed the other standby, take a deep breath. Both of those are now...

-Pull yourself together.

0:22:340:22:39

Pull yourself together's probably OK. I think we could manage that.

0:22:390:22:43

-"Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains."

-"Slap her, she's hysterical."

0:22:430:22:46

-That's a fine one. She had, I think...

-She had good reason to be hysterical.

-Yes, she did.

0:22:460:22:52

Jack was not behaving normally, was he? He was being a little odd.

0:22:520:22:55

No, there's a new treatment called capnometry-assisted respiratory training, or CART,

0:22:550:23:00

which encourages people to take shallow breaths rather than deep breaths.

0:23:000:23:03

You want to avoid blowing off too much carbon dioxide, don't you?

0:23:030:23:06

Yeah, that's the thing. It's because you're hyperventilating, apparently,

0:23:060:23:10

you're getting rid of too much CO2, and the idea was...

0:23:100:23:12

that if you do it in the bag, you're breathing back in the CO2,

0:23:120:23:16

but apparently this is now not considered a very good idea, it's dangerous and should be retired,

0:23:160:23:21

-is current medical opinion.

-Quite hard to find a paper bag, isn't it?

-I'm going to try it on Winner!

0:23:210:23:26

And avoid, if you can, fatty and spicy foods.

0:23:260:23:30

So, now...if you want to wash the bacteria off your hands, what temperature should the water be?

0:23:310:23:38

For killing bacteria... it would need to be 30...40...

0:23:380:23:42

Well, the point is, in order to kill the bacteria, the water would have to be too hot for you to bear it.

0:23:420:23:47

-Too hot to touch.

-It would have to be about 80 degrees centigrade.

0:23:470:23:50

It's nothing to do with the temperature, it is to do with... you would know as a doctor...

0:23:500:23:53

-it's actually the vigourness of the scrubbing action.

-Actually, for proper infection control,

0:23:530:23:58

-we should all be naked below the elbow.

-Oh, really? Short sleeves is the answer?

0:23:580:24:02

-Yeah, yeah.

-Which you do see now with some doctors, I've noticed that.

-Mmm.

-Is that now the norm?

0:24:020:24:07

-Well, it's...

-That's interesting.

-I like those taps they have, you know, the elbow taps.

-Yes, that's it.

0:24:070:24:12

I'd like to get them for at home.

0:24:120:24:14

Do above all avoid fatty and spicy foods. Now...

0:24:170:24:20

how many portions of fruit and veg should you eat each day?

0:24:200:24:25

Now, in Japan, they say nine...

0:24:250:24:27

-I think...

-It's different all over the world, it seems.

0:24:270:24:31

The five has been chosen in Britain

0:24:310:24:33

basically because they think that's the most they can persuade the British to eat!

0:24:330:24:38

-We are most reluctant to eat anything...

-There's no way they'll eat anything green.

0:24:380:24:43

It tastes repulsive to us.

0:24:430:24:45

Denmark says six, France ten, Canada, it's between five and ten...

0:24:450:24:50

-Somebody just went, "Eurgh!"

-Oh, really, the idea!

0:24:500:24:53

In Scotland, it's one.

0:24:530:24:56

I know.

0:24:570:24:59

-And supposedly it's seven for women...

-It depends what counts.

-Exactly, Haribos count in Scotland.

0:24:590:25:05

Wine gums, things like that.

0:25:050:25:08

That's a vegetable! Starmix, Haribos...

0:25:080:25:11

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-I had a bag of Dolly Mixtures!

0:25:110:25:14

And lastly here's something every teenaged boy should know.

0:25:140:25:18

What is that burns when you set fire to your farts?

0:25:180:25:22

You want someone to say methane, don't you?

0:25:230:25:26

I'll say it! Methane! COUGHING

0:25:260:25:28

-Thank you, Andy!

-HOOTER

0:25:280:25:31

Everybody thinks it's methane. No, most human beings do not produce methane in their extrusions.

0:25:310:25:37

-It seems that we produce about three pints of wind a day...

-Pints?

-Yes, pints, it's measured in pints.

0:25:370:25:45

..Released in 10-15 individual "episodes".

0:25:450:25:49

You can get the boxed set as well!

0:25:510:25:53

The best...

0:25:560:25:58

Or you can have a feature-length version!

0:25:580:26:01

So pyro flatulence is the practice of igniting these episodes.

0:26:040:26:07

It can lead to serious burns, so don't try it at home, everybody.

0:26:070:26:10

But methane in the body results from microbes called methanogens,

0:26:100:26:14

but only about a third of humans have methanogens among their gut flora,

0:26:140:26:18

so no-one knows exactly why. It seems to be genetically determined.

0:26:180:26:21

A 2009 study by Arizona State University showed that methane producers

0:26:210:26:25

are more efficient at converting their undigested food into fat reserves,

0:26:250:26:29

which, bluntly put, means fat people fart more.

0:26:290:26:32

The major components of flatus...

0:26:320:26:35

The major components are all odourless.

0:26:370:26:40

The distinctive aroma is caused by skatole, indole and hydrogen sulphide.

0:26:400:26:44

During the Great Plague of London, doctors recommended patients store their farts in a jar

0:26:440:26:48

and then, when they were feeling unwell, smell them, and apparently this would help.

0:26:480:26:53

-Anyway, it's usually hydrogen in fact that's lit.

-As I always say, better out than in!

-Definitely!

0:26:530:27:00

A bit like Simon Cowell in a lifeboat! Er...

0:27:000:27:03

APPLAUSE

0:27:030:27:07

And now the complications set in as we look at the final scores.

0:27:070:27:10

It's very exciting,

0:27:100:27:12

because in first place with a very positive

0:27:120:27:15

and a very thrillingly impressive 8 points is Andy Hamilton!

0:27:150:27:18

APPLAUSE Oh...that's not happened before!

0:27:180:27:22

And in...

0:27:230:27:24

in second place with 5 points is Dr Ben Goldacre!

0:27:240:27:30

APPLAUSE

0:27:300:27:33

But by no means the sickest patient on the ward with only minus 7

0:27:330:27:38

-is Alan Davies!

-Oh, no! APPLAUSE

0:27:380:27:42

I'm afraid...

0:27:420:27:43

it's get the mortuary trolley ready, at minus 24, it's Jo Brand!

0:27:430:27:48

APPLAUSE

0:27:480:27:51

Well, that's all from us tonight. So it's good night from Ben, Andy, Jo, Alan and me.

0:27:550:28:01

And I leave you with this heart-warming tale from America.

0:28:010:28:03

In 1981, the Mayor of Springfield, Illinois, suffered a heart attack during a council meeting.

0:28:030:28:08

The council voted to wish him a speedy recovery by a margin of 19 votes to 18. Good night.

0:28:080:28:15

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:280:28:32

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:320:28:36