Episode 1 Ronny Chieng: International Student


Episode 1

Comedy. Ronny Chieng arrives at Melbourne University from Singapore to read law, with his mum's pleas to study hard still ringing in his ears.


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Transcript


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This programme contains some

strong language

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I'm OK. Thanks, thanks.

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No, I'm OK. Thank you.

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MOBILE PHONE RINGS

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Ronnie? Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can

hear you.

Can you hear me now?

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Yeah, I can hear you know.

I can hear you then.

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Why aren't you in class?

I'm walking to class right now.

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I just shared a list of

study tips on your Facebook page.

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Why didn't you like it?

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Mum, you've got to stop posting

clickbait on my page.

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What is clickbait?

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Mum, isn't it like 6.00am

in Malaysia right now?

Yalla.

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I'm having a late start today.

Have you been studying hard?

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Mum, it's the first day of school,

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there's literally

nothing to study hard.

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Well, make sure you study hard.

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Because your father and I spent a

lot of money to send you there.

OK.

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And don't do drugs.

OK.

Do you do drugs?

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Yeah, heroin

and crystal meth every day.

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Where did you learn about

those drugs?

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Mum, look, I've got to go.

I'm going to be late, OK?

OK.

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Just pick up when I call.

OK.

And answer my e-mail.

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Don't talk to girls.

OK.

Don't get drunk. Don't tip -

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they don't need it.

OK. I got it.

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Only use Chinese hairdresser's.

OK, bye.

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Boil your water before you drink it.

OK.

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And if you have a cold,

don't eat chicken.

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Mum, coughing has nothing to

do with chicken.

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And don't get anyone pregnant!

And no-one's getting pregnant!

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Yes, I know condoms

are not 100% effective.

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Yes, I know you're supposed to roll

it all the way down the shaft.

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I've got to go!

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No, I was...talking to my mum.

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Must be the only one here

without a laptop.

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What about that guy?

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Do those glasses even have

lenses in them?

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Is he drinking from a jar?

Is anything about this guy real?

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Maybe his hair.

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Oh, wait... No.

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I'm Ronnie.

I'm Asher.

Nice to meet you.

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Um, excuse me guys. Let's start.

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My name's Mick,

I'm the activities officer.

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Basically I just coordinate

all the activities.

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So, yeah, welcome to your first day.

Are you pumped?

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Tonight's the first year pub night

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and it's a great opportunity

to meet each other

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and give it some of these ones.

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HE LAUGHS

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So anyway, so we've got

the boat race, which is

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the drinking game that we

do every year.

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So let me know if you want to sign

up and get pumped!

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This guy's pumped!

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Morning, everyone...

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COMPUTER KEYBOARDS CLACK

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SILENCE

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..and welcome

to your first day of law school.

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I want you to look to the left.

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Now look to the right.

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I want you to remember

those faces that you see,

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because THAT is your competition.

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Now the numbers say that

3 in 20 of you will become lawyers.

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1 in 10 will fail.

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And 1 in 200 will die.

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Bloated corpse

encased in cocaine resin.

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So, why are we here?

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I'm here because this is the most

prestigious law school and I

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believe if you want to be the best,

you have to learn from the best.

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Does anybody else want to

answer my rhetorical question?

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Let's all have a go.

You - why are you here?

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Is this rhetorical?

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You tell me.

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Er, I don't know.

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Good answer!

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Because the truth is,

nobody really knows anything.

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I'm sorry, I'm going

to have to disagree.

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Good, I like disagreement.

Go on, tell me.

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Um, I just think that turning up

to your first day of law school

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not knowing why you're here,

that's pretty stupid.

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How do you feel about that?

He thinks you're an idiot.

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Well, I think it's pretty stupid

to come to your first day of

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law school and dress

like your captaining a yacht.

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LAUGHTER

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This is excellent!

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Conflict is very good.

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Which brings us

to our first assignment.

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I want you to write 1,000 words

on conflict resolution...

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..based on my book,

Shut Up And Come Get Some,

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which is not available

in book stores.

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But the library does have a copy.

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Whoo, yeah! Whoo, yeah!

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GROANING

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Oh!

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Ah! The traditional

first lecture streaker.

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Have a look at him.

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HE CONTINUES GROANING

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Now what does the law say

about a man being found naked,

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and weeping, outside of his

own house?

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Can someone help, please?

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Hey. We should get that book.

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You want to team up?

Sure.

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I say, Ronny!

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I met this guy

last night, he's such a hater.

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Hey! Um, Elvin, right?

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Yeah, that's me.

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Someone's moving pretty fast.

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Pleased to meet you, too.

I'm Asher.

Hello.

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Yeah, I'm Elvin. This is, um...

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Wei Jun.

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And this is Denedict.

Denedict?!

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Denedict.

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Like Dennis mixed

with Benedict?

Denedict.

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G'day, cobbers. You gonna

sign up for the boat race?

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I'm not here to get drunk in a bar,

thank you.

Oh, man.

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I thought you'd give a real

international flavour, you know?

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Bunch of different cultures

getting together,

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to give it some of these ones!

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I won't be giving it

some of those ones.

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I want to get that book.

Are you coming?

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Ah, hey, I'll join you guys later.

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Yeah, OK. We'll leave you

and Cate Blanchett to give them

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some of these ones, huh?

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OK, let's go.

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What about you, cobber?

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You like to wrap the old laughing

gear around a couple of frothies?

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What?!

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He means, do you drink beer?

Oh! No.

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I don't have the liver

enzyme to process alcohol.

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I become like a red,

sweaty mess. It's a problem.

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Look who it is, Mr I Don't Know.

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Signing up for the boat race?

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No, wait, let me guess -

you don't know.

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Actually, I do know.

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I will NOT be signing up

for the boat race.

Good.

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Because we would wipe

the floor with you.

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His family have won the drinking

contest for three generations.

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So you come from a family of

alcoholics?

What's your team name?

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Above The Legal Limit.

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Was Captain Nemo And The

HMS Douche Bags already taken?

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Well, HMS refers to a Navy ship,

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while my family's yacht is a private

vessel, so the joke's on you.

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Wait, man. Even if you don't want

to have a crack, just come down

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and have a stickybeak while we sink

beers. It'll be sick fun, bro.

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What?!

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He means you're welcome to

come watch the boat race.

Oh, OK.

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Thanks.

No wukkas, bro.

Appreciate it. What?!

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Means you're welcome.

OK. Cool.

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This place is amazing.

What, you've

never been to a library before?

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My town had a library.

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Well, it was more of a shelf

of books at the back of the pub.

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And if the book was overdue

you had to do a shot.

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That sounds like fun...?

Yeah, I was a big reader.

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So, where is the law section?

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Ah, let's see, law, that's 340.

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So we have to go to 300s.

How do you know that?

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When I was a kid, my mum made me

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memorise the entire Dewey Decimal

system.

Whoa, nerd alert. OK.

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What's the number

for Russian history?

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Russian history, that's

general history of Asia, Siberia,

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so that's 957.

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We had very different childhoods.

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Childhoods. 372.

All right.

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What? Hmm.

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What was that?

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Are you sure this

is the law section?

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Yeah, the sign said 300 was

in the basement. This is B-1.

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This is B-2.

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HE GASPS

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You've come too far.

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Who are you?

I'm a postgrad student.

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How long have you been here?

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Can't remember.

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Just been down here,

writing my thesis.

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What's your thesis on?

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SHE SCOFFS

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Started out as the rule of law in

pre-Federation Australian colonies.

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And then, turned into the morality

of natural law versus positive

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law in post-modern society.

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And then somewhere along the line,

it changed into Japanese falconry,

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and now, I'm not sure what it is.

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OK, thanks. We've got to...

I used to be an undergrad!

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I remember having ambition,

social events, sunlight.

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OK. I'm really sorry,

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we have to go do an assignment.

Let me guess.

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You're stressing about 1,000 words?

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Well, you try being 90,000 words

into a 200,000 word thesis

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and you can't even remember

what your contention is.

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Ow! All right, I'm sorry, we've got

to go.

Thank you for all your help.

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Maybe we'll see you down here again.

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We're never coming back here.

Oh.

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Should be just here.

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300...

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Uh-huh-ho!

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Ronny and his girlfriend

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Nicole Kidman are going for a

romantic stroll in the law section.

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What? No.

We're just here to get the book.

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Good luck. Because we're here

to get the book, too.

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Why don't we just get it,

photocopy it

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and then we'll all have the book?

Yeah.

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Should be right...

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..here.

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I've got an idea.

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How about none of you get the book

and all of you fail?

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What are you talking about?

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This is the only copy of that book

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and I'm keeping it

until after the assignment is due.

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Why would you do that?

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Because I don't like you coming in

here and making me look like shit.

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Then why are you dressed like

you're in a barbershop quartet?

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It's called dressing for success.

You should try it.

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You look like Ben Sherman

fucked The Wiggles.

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No, see, it's you who's fucked

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because if you don't have the book,

you can't finish the assignment.

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SHE SCREAMS

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Just give us the damn book!

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OK, guess we won't be

using the photocopier any more.

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What's going on here?

This is the library.

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If you want to shank each other,

take it outside.

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I was just trying to borrow a book

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and these people

started harassing me.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look...

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We all need this book

to do an assignment.

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And this guy is holding

it like an asshole,

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so none of us can do any work.

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So, clearly the system is broken.

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How dare you question the system!

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What do you know

about the library system?

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Well, I know Melville Dewey invented

the Dewey Decimal system in 1876.

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Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

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Fuck Melville Dewey!

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Fuck him right in his face.

You know why?

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Cos I'm the system. Now get out!

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Nice work, Ronny. You've dragged us

into your your weak fight

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and got us

kicked out of the library.

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What are you talking about?

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She's the one who went

Kung Fu Hustle on the photocopier.

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So what are we going to do now?

You're not taking us down with you.

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Look, Professor Dale wrote the book.

I'll just ask him for a copy.

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I don't care what you

and Toni Collette have to do,

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just get that book.

Why do you keep calling me

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the names of Australian actresses?

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I'll call you whatever I want,

Rebel Wilson.

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Wait, aren't you from Vietnam?

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How do you know so many

Australian actresses, anyway?

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I've been a huge fan

since I saw Muriel's Wedding.

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That is such each a great film!

Yeah, I know.

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I still think it's

Rachel Griffith's best role.

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"Oh, you're so terrible, Muriel!"

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Is that the one where she's

in a wheelchair?

OK, hey, hey.

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I'm going to find

Professor Dale.

She's so young.

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Oh, that wedding scene is

so beautiful.

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KNOCK ON DOOR.

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Come in.

Hi, sir.

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I'm Ronny,

from your first year class.

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Mm-hm. Sit down.

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Er, I was wondering if you had

a copy of the textbook?

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I have, Ronny.

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I've got loads of copies

of my textbook

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because the academic board refused

to put it on the syllabus.

OK.

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Do you mind if I just borrow

a copy for the assignment?

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Absolutely not.

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Why not?

Because I want you, Ronny,

to find a copy for yourself.

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OK, I've found a copy. I've found

like 20 copies right here.

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And you think I should just give you

a copy because you've asked nicely?

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Yeah, that sounds pretty reasonable.

Give me your hand.

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The law...

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..is about conflict.

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Is that a tattoo?

0:12:410:12:42

Have a look at this fellow here.

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This fellow's got the best

left kick in all of the MMA.

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So what does his opponent do?

I don't know.

0:12:490:12:52

Avoid his left kick?

0:12:520:12:54

No. He breaks his left leg with his

own left kick.

Oh, my God!

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Oh!

He takes

his opponent's greatest weapon

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and he shoves it up his ass!

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Do you understand?

0:13:050:13:07

No!

I want you to find

your opponent's greatest weapon

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and turn it against him

to defeat him.

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BELL RINGS ON TV

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Oh, hey.

Did you get the book?

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No.

What happened?

I don't know.

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G'day, cobber.

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Are you guys still interested

in joining the boat race?

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Why you so obsessed with signing

people up to this drinking game?

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To be honest,

we've only signed up one team.

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If we don't get another, we're

going to have to pull up stumps.

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He means...

Yeah, I got it.

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I thought you could help make it

a real multicultural event.

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Show people that smashing beers

is something everyone can enjoy.

0:13:480:13:51

Look, I'd love to help you

meet your diversity quota,

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but a drinking game is

the last thing we need right now.

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The other team's going to be

so cut.

What, the other team?

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Yeah, Above The Legal Limit.

Really nice boys.

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With the family history...

Actually, you know what?

0:14:020:14:05

We will sign up for

the drinking game.

Really?

0:14:050:14:08

I've got to tell the other team.

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No. Let me tell them, please.

0:14:090:14:11

I'm pumped, cobber!

You fully pumped?

0:14:110:14:14

I'm moderately pumped.

0:14:140:14:16

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:14:200:14:21

What is this place?

0:14:270:14:28

I think it's the central hive

for stuck-up larva

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before they mature

into full-blown assholes.

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What a bunch of wankers.

0:14:340:14:35

Is this free?

0:14:350:14:36

You call that a parry and riposte?

0:14:440:14:45

I thought your one-two was

going to end in the cha-cha-cha.

0:14:450:14:48

I think you're lost.

The Canning Club is down the hall.

0:14:520:14:55

No, I'm pretty sure

I'm in the right place.

0:14:550:14:57

This is the Piece Of Shit Club,

right?

What do you want, Chieng?

0:14:570:15:00

Look, I've come to offer you a deal.

0:15:000:15:01

OK, you know that drinking game

you keep talking on and on about?

0:15:010:15:04

Yeah, the one we're going to win.

Yeah, here's the thing.

0:15:040:15:06

You can't win if there's no-one to

play against

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cos they're going to cancel the

game, OK? So here's what I propose.

0:15:080:15:11

I'll enter a team

to play against you,

0:15:110:15:12

and if we win,

you give us the textbook.

0:15:120:15:14

You have a drinking team?

0:15:140:15:15

Yes.

You are aware we're

not drinking green tea, right?

0:15:150:15:18

EXAGERRATED LAUGHS

0:15:180:15:19

Hey, how do you look like

0:15:210:15:22

Prince Harry and Prince William

at the same time?

0:15:220:15:25

Very amusing, Chieng.

So, if we win, what do I get?

0:15:250:15:27

I don't know, what do you want? Some

mouth surgery. Your mouth is huge.

0:15:270:15:31

Make him run naked.

0:15:310:15:33

That's a grand idea.

0:15:330:15:35

OK, you and your...internationals

enter the drinking game and when you

0:15:350:15:41

lose, you have to run naked through

Professor Dale's next lecture.

0:15:410:15:45

Or don't you have the balls?

0:15:450:15:46

OK. Deal.

0:15:500:15:52

I'll see you later tonight.

0:15:550:15:56

OK, listen up.

This is called a boat race.

0:16:050:16:07

You drink a beer,

put the empty glass on your head

0:16:070:16:09

and then the next person

does the same.

0:16:090:16:12

The first team to finish all four

pints, wins. Got it?

Got it.

0:16:120:16:15

What if you start drinking

before the other person?

0:16:150:16:18

You'd be disqualified.

What if you don't finish

0:16:180:16:21

the beer before you

put it on your head?

0:16:210:16:22

Disqualified.

What if...?

Holy shit.

0:16:220:16:24

You finish your beer and then

the next person finishes their beer.

0:16:240:16:27

All right, it's really not

that complicated.

Wei Jun.

0:16:270:16:30

On your marks, get set, drink!

0:16:300:16:32

Yeah.

Good, good.

0:16:340:16:35

Sorry. My fault.

0:16:360:16:37

I should have said,

0:16:370:16:38

take a deep breath before you drink

and then once you start,

0:16:380:16:41

whatever you do,

don't take a second breath.

0:16:410:16:43

This is bullshit!

0:16:430:16:45

Holly Valance doesn't know

what she's talking about.

0:16:450:16:47

Tell me why again we do this?

0:16:470:16:49

Believe it or not, this is actually

the easiest way to get the textbook.

0:16:490:16:52

And also, if we don't win

the drinking competition,

0:16:520:16:54

we're going to have run naked

in the next lecture.

0:16:540:16:57

So you turned us into strippers?

No.

0:16:580:17:00

We're not going to strip,

because we're going to win.

0:17:000:17:03

Wei Jun, you OK?

Oh! Oh, it's fine.

0:17:030:17:07

It's what happen when we're

drinking beer.

Like I said,

0:17:070:17:10

we don't have the liver enzyme.

0:17:100:17:11

Guys! The key to excessive

drinking is simple.

0:17:110:17:13

You just need to

focus on something you fear

0:17:130:17:16

and then drink to make it disappear.

0:17:160:17:19

Right, let's try it. Denedict?

0:17:190:17:21

Close your eyes and find your fear.

0:17:210:17:23

You're wearing shoes!

0:17:300:17:32

Inside!

0:17:320:17:33

Is that supposed to happen?

Yes.

0:17:380:17:40

Yes, Denedict. Very nice.

0:17:440:17:46

Right, Elvin, your go.

0:17:460:17:48

Congratulations, Elvin.

0:17:500:17:51

Nice work.

All right, Wei Jun, you're up.

0:18:050:18:06

We ran out of rice.

So I got you some couscous.

0:18:110:18:14

SHE SCREAMS

0:18:160:18:18

I DON'T WANT COUSCOUS!

0:18:190:18:22

No-one is going to

give you couscous.

0:18:230:18:25

OK. OK.

You're going to be OK.

0:18:270:18:30

You guys are all going to be OK.

0:18:300:18:33

Let's try again.

Ready...set...drink!

0:18:330:18:37

Right on!

0:18:410:18:43

Let's do this one more time.

0:18:430:18:45

Enough! The drinking competition's

like one hour away

0:18:450:18:47

and these guys are

getting shit-faced.

0:18:470:18:49

OK. Maybe let's leave it there.

0:18:510:18:53

You guys have one hour to sober up.

0:18:530:18:56

Personally, I recommend a kebab,

followed by a long vomit.

0:18:560:18:58

G'day, cobber. You still up

for giving it a few of these ones?

0:19:170:19:20

Up for it? We're here to win it.

0:19:200:19:22

Ha-ha-ha! What's your team name?

0:19:220:19:24

I don't know, guys.

What's our team name?

0:19:240:19:27

I don't give a fuck.

0:19:270:19:28

I'll put that down for now.

But you might want to workshop it.

0:19:290:19:32

How are you feeling?

0:19:380:19:40

Not very pumped.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

0:19:400:19:43

Yesterday I got off a plane

really looking forward to

0:19:430:19:46

studying in a new country.

0:19:460:19:47

Now today to do an assignment

I have to drink beer faster than

0:19:470:19:50

a bunch of idiots. If I don't,

I'm going to end up failing,

0:19:500:19:52

I'm going to end up

running naked in public

0:19:520:19:54

and I'm going to have to

study Japanese falconry.

0:19:540:19:56

That is a rough first day.

Sounds like you need a beer.

0:19:560:19:59

No!

I don't even like the taste of beer.

0:19:590:20:02

I remember when my dad

gave me my first beer.

0:20:020:20:04

I hated the taste

so I just drank it really quick.

0:20:040:20:07

My dad said he'd never seen

0:20:070:20:08

a ten-year-old skull

a long neck that fast.

0:20:080:20:10

Yeah, we had

very different childhoods.

0:20:110:20:13

You'll be fine.

You just need to focus on your fear.

0:20:130:20:16

Yeah, I tried. I just... I can't

think of anything scary enough.

0:20:160:20:19

SPEAKER FEEDBACK

All right, guys, it's time to get

0:20:190:20:22

fully pumped for the boat race!

0:20:220:20:24

CHEERING

0:20:240:20:27

Now, let's give a huge welcome

to Above The Legal Limit...

0:20:270:20:29

CHEERING

0:20:320:20:34

THUMPING BASS MUSIC

0:20:340:20:37

..and their opponents,

our very first international team,

0:20:400:20:45

I Don't Give A Fuck!

0:20:450:20:47

CHEERING

0:20:470:20:49

We should have workshopped

that name.

0:20:490:20:51

INTENSE ROCK MUSIC

0:20:510:20:53

I can't wait to see

the shape of your balls.

0:21:080:21:11

You have got some issues, man.

OK.

0:21:110:21:14

On your marks...

0:21:140:21:17

DRUM ROLL

0:21:140:21:17

..get set...

0:21:170:21:19

..D-RIIIINK!

0:21:190:21:21

CHEERING

0:21:210:21:23

SHE SCREAMS

0:21:230:21:24

HE YELLS

0:21:320:21:34

HE YELLS

0:21:460:21:48

CROWD GROANS

0:21:520:21:54

Don't take a second breath!

0:21:570:21:59

IN SLOW MOTION:

Cheers, Chieng.

0:22:110:22:14

ASHER:

Focus on your fear.

0:22:140:22:16

MRS CHIENG:

Ronny, don't forget to

run all it the way down the shaft...

0:22:180:22:22

..shaft...shaft...shaft.

0:22:220:22:24

Arrrrgh!

0:22:250:22:28

Oh, my God!

0:22:310:22:33

CHEERING

0:22:420:22:43

ALL: Asians! Asians! Asians! Asians!

0:22:520:22:56

Hang on, hang on...

0:22:580:23:00

OK, as the winners, your team

captain has earned the right

0:23:000:23:04

to attempt the Legionnaire!

0:23:040:23:08

Wait, what?

Thank you, Aaron.

0:23:080:23:10

The Legionnaire has been attempted

by some of the greatest drinkers

0:23:110:23:14

in the history of this university...

0:23:140:23:17

..with only one fatality.

0:23:170:23:19

CROWD:

Ooh...

What is this?

0:23:190:23:21

Team captain, please approach.

0:23:210:23:23

ALL:

Asians! Asians! Asians!

Asians! Asians!

0:23:230:23:27

Asians! Asians! Asians! Asians!

0:23:270:23:31

Asians! Asians! Asians!

Asians! Asians!

0:23:310:23:36

No, I don't want to drink it.

0:23:360:23:37

CHANTING SUBSIDES

0:23:370:23:40

He hates beer!

0:23:370:23:40

BOOING

0:23:400:23:42

No. I don't hate beer.

0:23:420:23:45

Well, OK...actually I do hate beer.

0:23:450:23:47

Come on, it tastes terrible.

0:23:470:23:49

It tastes like someone drank piss

and vomited it out

0:23:490:23:51

and someone else ate that vomit

and pissed it out again.

0:23:510:23:54

Like, seriously, does anyone here

actually like the taste of beer?

0:23:540:23:57

That was a rhetorical question.

0:23:590:24:02

We won the boat race -

what more do you people want?

0:24:020:24:06

But are you going to drink it?!

0:24:060:24:08

Yeah!

0:24:080:24:10

ALL:

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink! Drink!

0:24:100:24:13

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink! Drink!

0:24:130:24:16

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink! Drink! Drink!

0:24:160:24:19

Noooo!

0:24:190:24:21

DRUM ROLL

0:24:250:24:27

CHEERING

0:24:360:24:39

CROWD GROANS

0:24:440:24:46

Oh, go, you good thing!

Thank you.

0:24:480:24:51

Hey, are you OK? You didn't have

to drink that.

Yeah, I did.

0:24:570:25:01

If you drank that beer, the only

thing pumped right now

0:25:010:25:03

would be your stomach.

0:25:030:25:05

Hey, when you were screaming,

what fear were you thinking about?

0:25:070:25:11

I imagined failing and having to

0:25:120:25:14

go back to my home town.

0:25:140:25:16

I actually know what you mean.

0:25:180:25:19

I'm a man of my word.

0:25:210:25:23

Is that work "dick"?

Don't get ahead of yourself, Chieng.

0:25:250:25:29

I've been looking forward

to university for a long time,

0:25:290:25:31

and I'm not going to let you ruin

this...

Just give me the book!

0:25:310:25:34

Oh! Eurgh! What's that smell?

0:25:340:25:38

I rubbed it on my arse.

0:25:380:25:41

That's fucking disgusting, man.

You were awesome.

That's so good.

0:25:410:25:44

I can't believe that worked.

Hey, Ronny.

0:25:440:25:47

There is a video of us winning

the boat race all over Facebook.

0:25:470:25:51

Oh, great.

There's also

a video of you, Asher.

0:25:510:25:53

It's called

"Hot chick drinks giant beer -

0:25:530:25:56

"you won't believe

what happens next".

0:25:560:25:58

CHEERING ON VIDEO

0:25:580:26:02

Oh, that's so embarrassing.

0:25:580:26:02

I'm so sorry a video of

you drinking got put online.

0:26:020:26:04

Oh, no, I don't care

about the drinking.

0:26:040:26:06

If my family finds out I spewed,

I'll be disowned.

0:26:060:26:09

Mick's taking us on a pub crawl.

You want to come?

0:26:090:26:12

No, I think I've drunk enough

for today.

Yeah, me too.

0:26:120:26:16

Later, bros.

Easy, guys.

0:26:160:26:17

SHE CHUCKLES

0:26:210:26:22

INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:26:220:26:24

Hey, Ronny, you got the book?

Yeah,

I did, but it's a little gross.

0:26:240:26:29

Oh, this make everything worthwhile.

0:26:290:26:32

HE KISSES

0:26:320:26:34

HE SNIFFS

0:26:340:26:36

What that smell?

Uh...the smell of success?

0:26:360:26:40

HE SNIFFS

0:26:400:26:43

Yeah, that's it. OK! I'll give it

back to you in the morning.

0:26:430:26:48

Yeah, maybe just photocopy it.

Yeah, OK.

0:26:480:26:50

You sure you don't want to go

hang out with your friends?

0:26:560:26:59

I think I am hanging out

with my friend.

0:26:590:27:02

PHONE RINGS

0:27:020:27:05

Oh, boy.

0:27:070:27:08

MRS CHIENG:

Ronny? Ronny?

Why haven't you called?

0:27:080:27:12

Oh, sorry, I've been busy.

0:27:120:27:14

Yalla, busy doing what?

Uh...studying hard.

0:27:140:27:17

Have you been drinking?

No.

0:27:170:27:19

Don't lie to me, huh? I saw you

drinking on your Facebook page.

0:27:190:27:22

No, I was actually drinking

to do an assignment.

0:27:220:27:24

So now you're an alcoholic?

No.

0:27:240:27:26

Who's this girl?

She's a friend.

0:27:260:27:28

Is she pregnant?

No, she's not.

Why is she throwing up everywhere?

0:27:280:27:32

You lie some more, I'll send you

back home, I tell you.

0:27:320:27:34

Why are you always yelling?

I am not yelling.

0:27:340:27:36

Yeah, this is exactly why Dad left,

all right?

0:27:360:27:38

Your mother talking to you...

0:27:380:27:39

Ronny Chieng arrives at Melbourne University from Singapore to read law, with his mum's pleas to study hard still ringing in his ears. He soon learns it is not as simple as that when a deranged law professor, a drunken social secretary and a bunch of rich, uptight, racist fellow students make for an interesting first day.

When Ronnie and his new friends Asher, Elvin, Wei Jun and Denedict find that there's only one copy of the textbook for their first assignment, it's a race to get hold of it, and Ronnie somehow, very reluctantly, finds himself entering an Aussie drinking competition to win the book back.