Episode 4 Room 101 - Extra Storage

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,

the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates

exiled for ever to the dark vault that is Room 101.

In each round, only one choice can make it into the dreaded room.

The final decision is mine.

Sometimes it can be difficult deciding my least favourite.

Take, for example, this category...

Well, I mean, it would be wrong to separate them.

I think we can cram them all in.

So, let's meet the guests.

Joining me tonight are author and academic Germaine Greer,

comedian Ross Noble and pop music's very own Jamelia!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, let's have our first category.

Modern life.

Let's see Germaine's choice.

-Computer pop-ups. AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

"Ooh," go the crowd.

Yes, they are a little annoying.

Exasperating. There you are, actually working on something,

and suddenly - bing! - up comes this thing, and you have to hunt around

and find the little X to get rid of it,

and then it's something else hiding underneath.

By the time you've got your screen clear again,

you've forgotten what you were doing.

The ones I hate the most are the ones that pretend to be helpful.

You write "Dear",

and up comes a pop-up that says, "Are you trying to write a letter?"

Argh!

Isn't one of the worst sounds in the world...?

MICROSOFT WINDOWS ERROR NOISE

Ohh. It's like life stops for a second.

What I'd really like to know about computers is this -

is it just my computer,

or do you get things listed in your favourites

that aren't your favourites?

There's all my things, which are, you know, football and, um...

Russian literature...

..and then I'll get stuff like Radio Station Guide.

When I die, someone will look at my favourites and say "What kind of man was this?"

That says a lot about what you think your funeral will be like.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

"Right, we've got his hard drive. Let's have a look."

I hope they go for favourites rather than history.

LAUGHTER

-Do you ever google yourself, Germaine?

-No, never.

So you've never googled yourself? You must google yourself.

On an almost hourly basis.

-You have?

-Yeah.

It really kind of scared me.

There was a killer in America,

whose name was Jamelia something-or-other,

and she'd done a really bad crime...

So many killers have.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, what is Ross Noble's choice?

-Health and safety.

-Oh, God.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Health and safety in all its many forms.

I know there'll be do-gooders that say,

"But come on, we don't want people being injured

"and it's there to help."

No, the reason we have danger is to get rid of idiots.

These signs, my thing that I like to do is,

I get those in the supermarket

and I walk along and land on them and I lie on the floor, going,

"Aaagh! Some idiot left a big yellow sign."

God's honest truth, right,

in Afghanistan, right, Camp Bastion,

in Afghanistan, on the base,

the guys over there who wear full camouflage, full, proper camouflage,

at night, for safety reasons,

have to wear high-vis sashes.

It's a war zone, and you're wearing camouflage!

Camouflage and high-vis are two ends of the spectrum,

and we're getting soldiers to wear high-vis in a war zone?! No!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Oh, my God.

Here's an example. This is from Barking, right?

Don't say it.

They've decided in Barking, it was quite a wide pavement,

so they thought they'd put yellow lines down

to give people guidance on where to walk.

LAUGHTER

This woman is dicing with death.

She's about to reach out of the zone into the post-box zone.

I also like the fact that there's a trapdoor in front of her.

Even in schools now,

they're not allowed - well, they're allowed to play conkers

if they wear the goggles. I'm not joking. I have two daughters,

and they're not allowed to bring skipping ropes to school,

because they're dangerous.

-You're kidding me?

-No. They are not allowed to skip.

To be fair, though, as a child,

I was tied to many trees with skipping ropes.

And also, I think what's happened

is that the headmaster has googled you

and thought, "The mum's a strangler..."

OK, so, that is Ross's choice.

Let's see what Jamelia doesn't like about modern life.

Oh!

I had to...

-Can you actually read that?

-This is exactly my problem.

I hate text speak.

I hate "LOL" and all of that,

because I feel as if I'm decoding something.

I didn't go to school for so many years to communicate in this way.

It really irritates me.

-But it's the future.

-It's not the future.

It is. The language is changing. In ten years' time,

people on Countdown will say,

"Consonant, consonant, consonant, consonant, consonant, consonant".

That'll be it.

-In ten years' time, Countdown probably won't exist and...

-Whoa!

LAUGHTER

If anyone just tunes in and hears that, they'll be horrified.

Well, nobody will know how to spell.

This is going to become the norm,

so we have to put it in Room 101 as soon as possible. We do!

CHEERING

Can I ask you a personal question?

I've heard that some parents are anti this because the kids use it

and because the parents don't understand it,

the kids can have secret conversations

and the parents can't work it out. Is that right?

Well, my kids aren't old enough for texting.

I mean, they can, but they're not old enough for this.

I am strongly against it, like, they won't be...

I'm the leader of my house, and I will be seeing all text messages.

-I'll be seeing every message you ever send.

-What?!

As a parent, I need to be a spy. I'm going to be a spy.

I am!

-I'm going to know everything you do before you even do it.

-What, me?

LAUGHTER

Have you just adopted Frank?

Yeah, we're keeping it hush-hush at the moment. The paperwork's still going through.

I just love saying, "This is my mum". "Isn't she a murderer?"

"No, it wasn't her."

I honestly do like it.

I think it's shorter and quicker.

I start all my prayers now "OMG."

-I've got one more thing.

-Oh, sorry.

-I'm very passionate about this.

Even in e-mails, I'm now starting to get this text speak.

You know, I'm a businesswoman. Give me proper words.

-Are you a businesswoman?

-I AM a businesswoman.

-What are you selling?

Myself... In a good way!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Can I just say - OMG.

Can I just say WTF?

OK. At the end of this, I must admit, I hate computer pop-ups.

And I hate health and safety.

But Jamelia argues her case so strongly,

even though I really like text speak,

I cannot argue with the woman,

so I'm going to put text speak into Room 101.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, then, let's have our next category.

It's people.

Let's see what people wind up Ross Noble.

What this is is, um...

cycling commuters.

-Oh.

-Now, just whoa there.

Not ALL cycling commuters.

But there's certain cyclists

that think that because they're saving the planet

and all pandas are living because they're doing a bit of pedalling,

it's all right for them to go straight through red lights

and break the law. Oh, yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

By that rationale...

Are they clapping the going through the red lights?

I think they might be, yeah.

I like the ones that have a bike and they haven't got a helmet on,

and the bike's not particularly well maintained,

and they're just riding around, just taking risks.

-I don't mind that.

-Dangerous ones are all right.

-Exactly.

I don't mind the ones that are risking themselves.

But the ones that have got the light mounted

like a flashing Teletubby...

A Teletubby that's flashing, I don't mean Tinky Winky giving it...

-No.

-That would be very disturbing. "Eh-oh!"

What we should have is, at every traffic light, a sniper.

LAUGHTER AND SCATTERED APPLAUSE

You lot are really worrying me now.

"Let's kill people!"

You could lead this lot out onto the street,

holding up flaming torches.

Just find the nearest cyclist and drag them down.

-But you...

-There's a... Go on.

-But you cycle, don't you?

-I do, yeah.

But I cycle in the woods and in the fields,

on a mountain bike.

I do cycle and I like cycling,

but it's just the... Recumbent bikes. Have you seen these?

If you don't know what a recumbent bike is, we have a picture of one.

Do you? There.

Now, I'm sorry, right?

I mean, it's handy,

cos you're already in the coffin position

for when you die - Boom! Straight in the back of the hearse.

Just a ramp, that's all you need.

Have a cat flap on the back of the coffin.

I must admit, I am very tempted by the recumbent bike.

If I was going on one of those, I'd start to think at myself,

"How small a dog could I pass under?"

If it was a soaking wet Afghan hound,

it'd be like going through a car-wash.

Lovely fringes of silky fur.

We've got a clip of someone cycling in the countryside.

It doesn't look that idyllic to me.

LAUGHTER

You see?

That there is exactly what we need, an antelope on every junction.

A giant antelope at every single junction.

Fair enough. I feel you've made your point.

OK, then. What kind of people wind up Jamelia?

This represents, um, smelly people. Now...

LAUGHTER

That's just cruel.

No, I'll tell you. To me, smelly people are very inconsiderate.

And they're also the most...

I don't know, they want to get close to you.

And they want to... People with smelly breath always talk.

It's a kind of like their rule.

"I haven't brushed my teeth, so I'm going to talk right in your face."

Yeah, they all do that breathing thing.

Yeah, but it's inconsiderate. It's mean, and I just think it's...

I've got a very sensitive nose, and I think it's unfair. I have!

I can smell people, and I think...

Have we got any in tonight, would you say?

I get more and more irate every time it happens,

and I'm now 30 years old, so if someone who smells is near me,

I'm very much like, "Arrrgh!"

I love the fact that you said that you've got to 30 now and it's getting worse.

Imagine what it's like when you're going to be in an old folks' home.

"Oh, blimey! Ooh, lavender and piss!"

I think that's a Jane Austen novel, actually.

I find, if there's anyone at home

who thinks they might have a body odour problem,

I think when people are dry retching...

That's the first thing to look out for.

I've got to say,

there's something I find uneasy about the smelly people thing,

because I think a lot of them don't know and they're not told by people,

-so it's not their fault.

-There is no excuse.

As far as I'm concerned, if you're wearing clothes,

you can afford deodorant. Simple as that.

That's a fabulous maxim you've come up with.

There are answers.

This is not a joke thing, this is an actual American product,

which was produced for this very problem.

Are you suffering from pungent pits? Foul feet?

Beastly butt odour?

How do you stop the stink?

Hi, I'm Adam Jay, and this is Doc Bottoms' A Spray.

A Spray your butt, A Spray your feet, A Spray under your arms.

You can even A Spray your privates.

A Spray is safe for all your odour zones.

Call right now before you stink up the place.

That is the greatest invention, I'm sorry.

The cleavage surprised me.

You never hear anyone say,

"She's a nice girl, but her cleavage..."

LAUGHTER

OK, I think that's a very good point,

so what kind of people annoy Germaine?

The people who annoy me are "ac-tors".

One of the problems about them, you see,

and it's interesting this should be poor old Hamlet,

because it doesn't matter how dim an actor is,

he always thinks he has a Hamlet in him,

and it's going to be different from everybody else's Hamlet.

I can remember one Hamlet who actually took all his clothes off,

and got himself flogged on stage, he had so little faith in the play

and so little modesty himself.

And actors always think that people are interested in them,

and that they are interesting and they're really not.

I have done a bit of acting myself, though,

and I am, I think you'll agree, fascinating.

Yes, but not because you're an actor,

you're fascinating because you're YOU.

You've so upped your chances of winning this round.

We had to put up with all that Hugh Grant carry on

-during the Murdoch carry on, remember that?

-Yes.

And he would say incredible things like,

that he was having to check his car every day

to see if there was a bug in his car,

and no-one ever said, "Hugh, dear, WAS there ever a bug in your car?"

No. Apparently there was a woman looking under the dashboard for one.

LAUGHTER

I've heard actors say some funny and interesting things.

-I mean, I wrote them.

-Usually written by other people.

Why is my morning news programme

messed up with actors who have to come tottering on

and talk some kind of connected sense

about what they're doing at the moment,

and everyone appears to be so interested.

It's not interesting.

You hear me?

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Why are you watching it then?!

I'm waiting for the next bit of news, I don't have very much choice.

It's that or GMTV.

LAUGHTER

Forgot to mention Kate Winslet is in.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, now it comes to my decision.

I'm not going to let smelly people in.

It feels a bit cruel and unkind.

And I know there are some dodgy cyclists, but I think most cyclists

are basically saving the planet - good, courageous people.

LAUGHTER AND BOOING

I'm going to put actors into Room 101.

CHEERS AND BOOS

Anyway, let's move on to the next category.

Airports. Right, what doesn't Jamelia like about airports?

What I don't like is, erm...

airport security. It hasn't quite got to this stage for me.

No, it's quite strict there.

But, um, I find that I find

the whole experience of going to the airport terrifying.

-I'm not a criminal, you know, despite what Google may say.

-Yeah.

I'm not. There are just so many different stages and checks

and it scares the life out of me.

And I just think that...

I know I'm not a criminal, and when you're coming from Europe,

you have the option of going through Nothing To Declare

and Something To Declare - "I've got eggs in my bag."

Why can't we have that for criminals going to and from countries?

LAUGHTER

-You know?

-Oh, sort of Terrorists and Non-Terrorists?

Exactly. Exactly!

Why do they trust people to go through Nothing To Declare

and Something To Declare?

-Why can't they trust me to say, "I'm not a criminal, it's fine."

-Yeah.

And then just... The whole thing, they make you take off your shoes,

it's very undignified.

So many times, I've been told to take off my hat.

-I'm like, "I haven't done my hair yet."

-Oh, that. Yes, God.

I rather risk the plane going down!

Can I just say - what would the alternative be?

Because if there was no airport security,

-we'd be dicing with death, wouldn't we?

-Well, would we?

I mean, how many terrorists have there REALLY been on aeroplanes?

OK, so you'll take a few shots.

This thing is, the ones...

I really wish you were in government.

"Oh, come on! There haven't been that many!"

But the thing is,

the terrorists that have been on planes have been on the planes -

they've already done it, so, you know, there's no use punishing me,

I haven't done anything!

Well, I must say, you've given a very convincing argument.

I was on my way to Korea, and they took nail clippers off me.

In hand luggage.

What are you going to do with that?

Exactly, will I stand up on the plane and say, "Nobody move!"?

"Don't, don't... I'll trim you if I have to!"

-I've had the full strip-search.

-Yeah?

Yeah, I was going into Dubai and the bloke went, "You. Come."

He took me in a room and he said...

And I realise humour isn't the... It's not the time or place.

And he literally went, "Take you clothes off."

I couldn't help myself, I went, "Buy me a drink first."

I...

-I couldn't, like... I could not help myself.

-I think that's actually...

That's a worse offence in Dubai, isn't it?

I tell you what I do, as well.

I have a habit of if the thing doesn't beep when I go through,

I go, "Come on!"

They don't like that. That makes them edgy.

OK, then. Let's see Germaine's choice.

The most loathsome thing about air travel these days is budget airlines.

You understand when you pay...

a small price to go somewhere on a plane that you're going to be

in a tiny seat and you're going to have the seat in front

banging against your knees.

You understand all of that.

But what is completely unnecessary is the systematic humiliation

of the passengers.

It starts when you get there - you then queue at security,

you then queue at the gate.

You feel absolutely like cattle.

Then you get out and you're going to board the plane

and you queue AGAIN on the stairs up to the plane.

By the time you get into your micro-seat, you are so abject,

you would even buy a scratchcard.

That's pretty bad.

I flew on a well-known budget airline and I was spotted,

photographed and the headline in the Daily Mirror said,

"Frank Skinflint."

Which I thought was a bit harsh, because I resent...

You know, sometimes I fly first class. You know, posh.

And sometimes I fly budget, depending on the distance. I...

I'll tell you what put me off flying first class

is there's often a lot of other celebrities on the flight,

and I hate that.

What worries me... I'm sitting there, thinking,

"If this plane crashes, what's the billing going to be?"

I was on with Ant and Dec once, and I thought,

"I've got no chance, Ant and Dec. "It'll be, 'Ant and Dec die...

" 'comedian also perishes.' "

Can I show you this? This is a genuine item that you can buy.

This thing is a beat-the-hand-luggage jacket, right?

And the idea is that you actually...

You go on...

LAUGHTER

No way!

Look, there's a laptop in my pocket.

You can buy these. Can you imagine trying to get through in this?

I love it.

I want one. I really want one.

OK, let's see what Ross Noble doesn't like about airports.

Woo!

Miniature novelty cakes.

-Er, the carousel. The baggage carousel.

-You don't like that?!

Well, don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed the carousel.

One of the greatest days of my life -

I was with a bunch of mates,

and we were at quite a small airport I, for a bit of a laugh, I got on...

You know the bags come out that way and then it disappears behind?

I got on the carousel and rode it through,

so I disappeared into the baggage bit and went all the way round...

-Are you serious?

-Seriously, yeah.

I jumped on one bit,

and I went into the baggage bit - cos nobody's going to turn round...

Even security aren't going to go,

"There's a bloke travelling into the..."

It would even register, so I travelled through.

It was quite good, cos the blokes loading the bags

just looked and they went, "You all right?"

And I went, "All right?" And they... They weren't fussed.

And I went along the thing like that and around,

and then everyone's waiting next to the hole there, ready, like that.

So I curled up into a ball, closed my eyes,

then I came through the flap and appeared and went, "Oh, am I here?"

And I got up and just walked off.

Let me get this right -

you said this was one of the greatest days of your life?!

Honestly, it was like...

I felt like Brucie was going to go, "Cuddly toy, Ross Noble..."

But the thing that I hate about them

is there's always someone that has to start just creeping forward...

-It's tempting.

-..then someone else creeps forward.

And then you're all up against there, and it's that, "Argh!"

-But you see...

-And also they put a sign on the thing -

and, granted, I realise the irony of this -

"Do not ride on the..."

Now what sort of idiot...?

But everyone just pushes, and they don't spread themselves out evenly

and wait for the bags to come around - everyone gathers,

and then a little squeeze in of the trolley, like that.

And when people do that to me, I punch them in the head.

BANG! "Move back behind the line!"

It's the ones that don't notice their own bag,

and then they start chasing it - they're the problem.

They should have a grinder at the end of the carousel,

so people stay focused on their luggage.

Anyway, I've got some...

This is secret camera footage of baggage handlers,

um, with our beloved luggage.

And there you go, it just goes into the...

This is real stuff as well.

It's one of the few occasions

I've wanted there to be a bomb in the bag.

Ohh!

Oh, missed!

-So, um...

-And that was live puppies.

Well, it started as live puppies.

OK, then. Um, airports.

Well, you've all argued particularly well.

I'm not going to let the luggage carousel in,

cos that's one of the little exciting things in my life

and I think that budget airlines are just important

because they're so cheap.

A lot of people wouldn't be able to fly at all, probably,

if it wasn't for budget airlines,

so at great risk to all of our lives, I'm going to put in...

-airport security.

-Hey!

APPLAUSE

Sorry.

OK, another category.

OK, we now come to the wildcard round,

and in this one there are no holds barred, you can pick anything

at all you don't like without the restraints of the usual categories.

So let's see what Jamelia's wild card is.

My wild card is mornings.

Mornings?

I want to know who decided

that everything has to start in the morning.

Why...?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Why can our day not start at 12, or at least 11?

There'll be students at home thinking,

"What's she talking about?"

They'll be googling "morning".

I'm a mother of two, and they go to school,

and every morning we have to get up about half six or seven,

and it's horrible.

Who decided that school has to start at nine o'clock?

Why can't it start at 11?

Can we not try it out? Who do I talk to?

LAUGHTER

I don't know the answer.

It's no good getting on to me about it,

I don't know who made it that way.

Does anyone like waking up?

I do, if I know I've got a Cumberland sausage in the fridge.

Honestly, that will get me out of bed. You know a Cumberland?

Have you ever heated one in a microwave?

-Don't they straighten?

-No, I tell you what it's like...

I've heard they uncoil in the microwave.

They come up like a cobra.

I always think, as well, with black pudding,

when you get a whole black pudding,

I always looking for a cord on it, cos a black pudding always looks

like if you pull a cord on it, it'll just expand into a Goth.

There's nothing worse than pulling the cord

and finding out it's just a vein.

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

Being left with an aorta.

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

Oh, shut your faces!

I didn't realise it was vegan night!

I had an alarm clock, it was sort of a lamp alarm clock thing,

and it was a football, and it was activated by sound,

so if you woke up in the night, you could go like this

and the light would come on and it was brilliant.

Unfortunately, if you...

broke wind with any kind of rigour,

the light would come on, which always felt like a reprimand.

LAUGHTER

OK, let's have a look at Germaine's choice.

It might be difficult to tell, but this is a fun run.

You don't want to put fun runs into Room 101?

-I do.

-OK.

-I'm really fed up with them.

I'm fed up with them because, first of all, I'm meant to like them.

They are so worthy and so noble,

and the people are all being so self-sacrificing,

and it's supposed to be fun,

that's the other thing, and all I can see is misery.

I can see people really abusing their bodies.

For charity, which I'm not really keen on either. I really feel...

Let's go the whole way and put charity into Room 101.

I've tried in the past,

however, that's another thing. What really gets me is,

you see people doing things that are really stupid,

like running along loaded down with heavy things,

taking hours and days to get to the finishing line,

wrecking their own health, destroying their joints.

They're all going to need attention later on

and become a burden on the health service,

but it's really the worthiness of it.

Also, I'm sick of them.

There are so many of them. Enough, we've had enough fun runs.

They're wrongly-named, they're misery runs.

They're dangerous, and why don't you just write a cheque?

LAUGHTER

I know what you mean about the misuse of the word fun.

Anyone who's ever been glassed in a fun pub will know

that you can't impose fun on anyone.

It's like "fun-size".

A fun-size chocolate bar is a smaller chocolate bar

than a normal one.

So that means our economy is now more fun than it used to be.

What I love about when you watch the Great North Run

and the London Marathon

is you've got some little Kenyan guy with no shoes on up the front,

and he's just running like mad,

and that in itself, but I love to watch him

and imagine all the people dressed as rhinos and turtles are after him.

There's rhinos and Honey Monsters going, "Kill him!"

OK, fun runs. And finally, what is Ross Noble's wild-card choice?

Folk dancing.

Folk dancing?

Folk dancing.

You know, I travel quite a lot, and it just seems wherever you go,

you're just trying to relax and have a nice time,

and the next thing you know, and it's the words that just strike

fear into my heart, "Oh, you're lucky, any minute now

"there'll be a display of local dancing."

LAUGHTER

Usually it's rubbish as well.

Especially, and I know I'm in a dodgy area,

but if you go to Africa,

and I know it's meant to be this deeply cultural thing,

and you have local dancing,

but I swear they've just changed out of their tracksuits,

put on a coconut bra, and go...

That's not a dance!

-Do they have coconuts in Africa?

-No, they don't!

That is what aroused my suspicion.

LAUGHTER

"Hang on a second. There's no coconuts here.

"That should be a bit of grass or a tiger's face."

They don't even have tigers - it's lions!

"You lot, where are you...?!"

Look, have you been to Africa?!

Oh, no, now I come to think of it...

What you went to was Whipsnade Safari Park!

It doesn't matter where you go in the world,

it's just the same arsing about with different pants on.

Or no pants at all sometimes.

Well, on a good day.

Now, I really disagree with you on this.

I think that folk dancing is a link to an ancient world

that's been steamrollered by industrialisation.

No.

I do, when I see the Morris dancers,

there's something fabulously pagan and exciting about it.

I take your point, and I raise you five geography teachers

with a pig's bladder on a stick.

-I love it!

-# Oh, hey nonny no, with a hey nonny no... #

No, I love that!

It doesn't matter who's doing it, it's what it represents.

The original Morris dancers were like the bad boys.

They were courageous figures.

You take the maypole, it's brilliant.

I love maypole dancing.

It's like swingball, but instead of a ball they use villagers.

LAUGHTER

I love it.

In England, there's something real about it

and it doesn't have all that plasticness of the 21st century.

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Yeah!

-Thanks.

-And also...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Some Morris dancers have clearly got in.

I don't like it. If I hear jingling, I'm coming up there.

I really, really disagree with you, Ross.

I think you have this image of folk dancing

as something that's frozen and doesn't change and doesn't evolve.

But in fact, it can be modernised.

I'll give you a fabulous example, this might change your mind.

I'd ask you, ladies and gentlemen,

to welcome the sensational Time Gentlemen Please Dancers.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SHE BEATBOXES

APPLAUSE

I rest my case.

The whole time I was sat there I was just ready for one of them

to drag me up,

"Hey, come on, join in".

And then sell me some local produce.

LAUGHTER

I am not going to put folk-dancing into Room 101. Over my dead body.

I'm a bit torn with the other two.

Go on, give it to your mum again.

You're right.

You're right, I'll go with my mum and put mornings into Room 101.

APPLAUSE

And that brings us to the end of the show.

Well done, Jamelia, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,

and you are the winner.

APPLAUSE

And as winner, you get to put one choice unchallenged into Room 101.

What will that be?

I would like to put in silent letters.

I don't get the point of them.

My daughter, she's five, and I'm teaching her spelling,

and...knee.

"Mummy, why is there a K? Why is it not ker-nee?"

It would make life a lot easier for me

if silent letters would go into Room 101.

OK.

It's the sort of thing you find in text speak,

-the loss of silent letters.

-True.

Anyway, in it goes!

Thank you very much, Ross, Jamelia and Germaine.

And thank you. Goodnight!

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd