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Coming up: | 0:00:00 | 0:00:02 | |
Coping with foul stenches... | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
Oh! That's howling, man. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
..dumping dirty money. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
Are you offering me a bribe? | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
..and dealing with cut-throat blades. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:14 | |
HE MUMBLES | 0:00:14 | 0:00:15 | |
Hot on the heels of hoodlums. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
Come back! | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
..keeping the peace with ultimate force. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
When the public say that they want more, | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
I think it's legitimate for me to give them less. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
This is Scot Squad. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
In the United States of Scottish police work, | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
one man has worked his way up to the very top. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:50 | |
I've just noticed Twatt in Orkney. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
Hale to the chief of law enforcement, | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Chief Commissioner Cameron Miekelson. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
I should have got a pickled egg. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
I haven't met the new president yet. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:01 | |
I'm sure our paths will cross, the POTUS and I. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
I did meet Obama. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
A lovely three or four minutes up at Gleneagles once when | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
he was over golfing. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
We connected, I think, there was a bond between us. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
He recognised that we'd both overcome great hardships | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
to get where we are. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
I mean, what are the odds of a white middle-class boy from Edinburgh | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
reaching a position of authority in Scotland? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
Knights of the road, Tsars of the cars, | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
McKirdy and Singh patrol the highways | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
and slam the brakes on crime. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
-BRAKES SCREECH -Shite! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
He's waving. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:37 | |
Is he being nice? Or is that a calculated move? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
But these fast movers are also sensitive | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
to anyone in need of assistance, | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
human or otherwise. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
We were called to the scene of an RTA, | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
which is a road traffic accident, | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
and we observed a gentleman who was involved. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
He was quite banged up so he had to go to the hospital. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
He was fine, nothing serious, but he had a dog with him. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
So, we took it upon ourselves to take the dog into the back | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
of our car and keep him with us until we could safely drop him off | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
at the kennels. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
What do you see? Any criminals? | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Dugs are great, aren't they? We should be equipped with them. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Never mind having pepper spray or sticks, I'm telling you. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:20 | |
Dugs are great. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
We've got so many different departments in the police, | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
and the dog unit is something I'd maybe consider. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
No' yet, obviously my heart lies on the roads, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
my heart lies with the traffic. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
But this gave me a wee kind of taster of what it's like. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
Oh, have you let aff? | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
No. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
That's stinking, man. Is that you? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
Are you sitting in the back there farting? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
-Jeez. -It is, isn't it? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
It's that dug. Oh! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
That's howling, man. Get the windaes doon. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
We actually got a guy for speeding. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
He was doing 38mph in a 30 zone. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
When we pulled him up and got him in the back of the police car, | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
he started to complain that he was allergic to the dog. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
MAN SNEEZES | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
I don't know if he was just playing up, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
if he was just trying to wind us up, | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
but just to save any hassle I decided to swap seats, | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
we decided to swap seats with the guy. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
I sat in the back while my colleague here wrote him out a ticket. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:15 | |
-Three points. -Really? | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
-Aye. Be careful how you drive. -I will. -Right. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
Make sure you take your licence down to the station as well. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
-Aren't you a good girl? Hello! -I will, aye. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
-All right, they'll process it, OK? -Aye. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Aye, you can go on your way now. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
McKirdy, back into the front now, come on, let's go. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
I'll just stay in the back here. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:33 | |
I'm all right. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
Obviously it was great having a dug with us for the day. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
I would... Well, I'd love him as a partner, | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
but I would never ever swap you for a dug. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
I'd never ever dae that to you. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
Although it would be good to have somebody with hair. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
The dug. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
I'm only kidding, champ. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
In a community like this, | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
man's best friend can be his local police station. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
With limited resources, desk Sergeant Karen Ann Millar | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
juggles duties to decide what best deserves her diligence. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:09 | |
Just because we respond to a call doesn't necessarily mean | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
that that call is deserving of respondence. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
As a respondee we do respond, | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
but it's not necessarily worth responding. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
All right, Officer Karen. How are you doing? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
I'm all right, Bobby, but I'm really busy today, | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
I don't really have time. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
I know you're busy, but I've got some good news for you. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
That's nice, but can you maybe come in and tell me about it tomorrow? | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
No, I cannae come in. What's all this stuff? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
-I cannae come in tomorrow, it's today. -I'm right in the middle | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
of a data migration, Bobby. We've got 15,000 records | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
-that we're trying to put in a new database. -No. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
And I need to get all of this... | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
No, no, no, no, no, no, please don't, please don't mess it up, | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
cos I know it doesn't not organised, | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
-but I actually know where everything is, OK? -OK. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
So, I'll speak to you tomorrow. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
No, look, Officer Karen, you need to listen to me. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
Bobby. You have to go away, Bobby, OK? | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
I'm trying to be nice about it, but you have to leave. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
Sometimes police work has to happen in a police station, OK? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
-So, you can come back tomorrow. On you go. -You're no' listening. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
You are not listening. What did you tell me about people | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-that don't listen? -I can't remember, Bobby. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
I wasn't really listening to myself, to be honest. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
-Bobby, are we doing this now or what? -Shereen! | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
See? 'Mon in. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
Tell her what's happening, she's no' listening to me. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
Hi, Karen. It's lovely to meet you. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
-I'm Shereen, nice to meet you. -Miss Nanjiani, I'm a genuine fan. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
Nice to meet you. Bobby has filled out this nomination form to nominate | 0:05:24 | 0:05:28 | |
you as one of Scotland's community heroes. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
According to this, you've served your community | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
to an exceptional standard, you're an unsung champion whose actions | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
and deeds deserve wider recognition | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
and you're an inspiration. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
I'm delighted to tell you that you've won, | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
so we're here to do a wee bit of filming with you if that's OK? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
But she's really busy today and she cannae talk to us. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
So, I'll tell you what, we're just going to go, right, Officer Karen? | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
-No... -No, no, Officer Karen, I came in, you're busy, | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
-you've got your paperwork. -We've got the crew outside. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
-Shereen, we cannae dae it. Come on. -It'll just take just five minutes. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
-Yeah, I'm... -Shereen, the crew will need to go. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
-Five minutes? Five minutes. -No, she's too busy, Shereen. Come on. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
-You're still getting paid, don't worry. -It's, it's... | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
See you later, Officer Karen. Come on, Shereen. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
Setting targets is an intricate process. It's... | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
The key is they have to be achievable targets, firstly. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
If I was to tell you my target is to... | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
stand up, put my coat on and go home, | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
you'd go, "OK, that's an achievable target", but is it that exciting? | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
Now, if I was to say, conversely, I'm going to levitate | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
from this chair, summon up a unicorn, | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
fly home naked and have fish and chips | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
with the blonde lassie out of Game Of Thrones, you'd say, | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
"Well, that's some target, but is it achievable?" | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
You see? We're always looking for the middle ground. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
Something that's exciting enough to engage the public and excite them, | 0:06:47 | 0:06:51 | |
but something that's also achievable enough that we, as a force, | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
can do it without that much effort. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
Which is why I am committed to getting | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
chewing gum-free pavements in Scotland by the middle of June 2056. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:05 | |
Urban officers Jack McLaren and Sarah Fletcher | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
lift the lid on crime. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
-Oh, it's a bam. -Oh, it's a bam! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
But as Halloween throws up extra challenges, | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
this Halloween the cops make sure they speak up for the victims. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:23 | |
We deal with a lot of varied crimes against people's sexuality, | 0:07:23 | 0:07:29 | |
against people's race, cultural insensitivity. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
For example, the other day we were called out to what | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
just looked like a minor assault in the street. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
But it turned out that the whole thing had been flipped on its head. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
-Is it yourselves that phoned the police? -Yeah. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
About bloody time, I've been bloody lamped. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
-OK. -Lamped? -Yeah, a guy smacked me in the face. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
Can I take your drink off you, please, boys? | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
You shouldnae be drinking in the streets. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Especially no' that. Rocket fuel. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
It's not actually... It's not actually Buckfast. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
-I wouldn't touch the stuff. -Uh-huh. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
It's actually Merlot, it's quite nice. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
Quite oaky, woody. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
It was mental cos you've got a really posh guy dressed as a bam. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
We had a, sort of, late lunch, leisurely meal, | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
that little Greek taverna that's round the corner. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
It's beautiful. And we come walking down the street, | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
we'd had a little couple of drinks, | 0:08:16 | 0:08:17 | |
and he shouted from the other side of the pavement, | 0:08:17 | 0:08:20 | |
"Oi, big man, fanny...baws..." | 0:08:20 | 0:08:24 | |
Something, something like that. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:25 | |
And then he came running over, smacked me. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:29 | |
Your voice, if you don't mind me saying, doesn't fit with your... | 0:08:29 | 0:08:33 | |
..gear. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Your stereotype. You look like bams. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
-We're just out for Halloween, you know? -Uh-huh. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
-So, we're just dressing up. -Ah, this is a costume? | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
-Yeah, it's just a bit of banter. -Maybe the fellow that lamped you, | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
were you mocking him, was he dressed like this? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
He could have been, yes. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
We're not saying you're allowed to go smashing folk round in the face, | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
but you can maybe understand he felt he was getting mocked, | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
culturally insensitive. It could be perceived as a hate crime. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
You know what these people are like, they don't have an ounce of sense, | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
uneducated people who roam the streets and they're just... | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
They're looking for violence. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
It's not just poor people that cause crimes. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
Politicians. The biggest criminals of all. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
I mean, they're slightly better crimes, aren't they? | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
I mean, let's be honest, no-one's going around punching anyone in the | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
-House of Lords, are they? -Right, I'm going to ask yous | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
a wee favour, boys, OK? Take your hat off, please. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:27 | |
Dress up as something different next year. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
-Like? -Any suggestions? | 0:09:30 | 0:09:31 | |
Minions or something, like a cartoon. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
Do I look five years old? | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Well, you're in a tracksuit, mate. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
-Something safer. -Safer. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:41 | |
Cos that way a real-life cartoon or a real-life minion, | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
is no gonnae come across the street and batter you, is he? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Stop mocking people, OK? | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Right, look after yourselves. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
-Stick in at the job. -The cops take the vintage Merlot off the street. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:56 | |
This party's over as Lord Snooty | 0:09:56 | 0:09:59 | |
hangs up his Bam Man costume for good. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
He was upper-class, but he certainly had no class. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
Hmm. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
Meanwhile, the chief steers the steering committee | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
in the right direction. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
OK, gentlemen, moving on. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
Yesterday, you saw a set of statistics | 0:10:16 | 0:10:21 | |
showing that crime in Scotland is on the rise. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
Well, let me tell you, no, you didn't. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
What you saw was a set of statistics suggesting crime in Scotland | 0:10:28 | 0:10:33 | |
was on the rise. Let's have a look at them. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
So, there we are, mobile phone theft up 100%. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:42 | |
Internet fraud up 100%. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
Theft of hybrid vehicles up 100%. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
Pretty damning statistics, I think you will agree. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
Until you realise there were no mobile phones, | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
internet or hybrid vehicles in 1848, | 0:10:54 | 0:10:58 | |
the year in which these statistics are being compared to. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:02 | |
So, let's play them at their own game. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:06 | |
Let's look at some success stories. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
Witchcraft down 100%, rustling down 100%. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:15 | |
Scrumping down 100%. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
Now, the only constant throughout the years is bestiality. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:23 | |
It just seems that every generation throws up | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
the same amount of nut jobs who want to have sex with a chicken. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
As the chief plays up the figures, | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
Volunteer Officer Ken Beattie plays up the community. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
There we go, the fudge is in the hole. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
He's ready for anyone | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
and anything at any time... ANGRY SHOUTING | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
..anything dodgy goes down on his shift. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
Stop, police, police, come back! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Back here! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Police! | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
-I'm trying to phone up backup. -Do you want to get off me, mate? | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
Officer requesting backup on Simpson Street. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
-Naw, he's no'. -I've apprehended a suspect in a suspected drug deal. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:03 | |
-Naw, he's no'. -Over. Right, come on, you. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
-What are you daeing, man? -What do you mean what am I doing? | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
I'm arresting you for a drug deal which I just witnessed. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
-There's that money you dropped. -What are you talking about, man? | 0:12:11 | 0:12:15 | |
So, that is yours. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
-That's no' my money, mate. -That is your money. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
You can take that money. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
-What do you mean "I can take it"? -I mean, you can take that money, | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
and we'll...I'll be off, you know? | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
Are you offering me a bribe. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
No, mate. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
-A bribe? -No, mate, I'm just saying you take that money. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
No, no, I will not be taking that money because this money is yours, | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
so, I'll be putting that back in your pocket. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Now you're planting evidence on me, mate, that's, that's... | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
-What? -Are you a dirty cop, mate? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
Ken Beattie is not dirty, Ken Beattie is clean. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
I'm one of the cleanest cops there is. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:45 | |
-You're planting money on me, mate. -I'm not planting money at all. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
-It's your money. -That's not my money. -You just did a drug deal. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
What do you mean, it's not your money? I seen you. It's yours. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
-It's yours, mate... -It's not. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:55 | |
..if you know what I mean. Take the money, mate, go doon the theatre. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:59 | |
Do you like Les Mis? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
-How do you know that? -You just look like the type that likes Les Mis, | 0:13:01 | 0:13:05 | |
-do you know what I mean? -I do. -Go and see it. -I do like Les Mis a lot. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
Go and see it, mate. Take that money. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
No, of course I'm not going to the theatre | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
with your blood money. I don't know what to do, though. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:16 | |
There. That's that settled. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:17 | |
-That's you planting money on me again, mate. -Stop saying that. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
You know there's CCTV round here, mate, they'll see that. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
-Is there? -If this goes to court, I'll say, "Look at the cameras." | 0:13:22 | 0:13:26 | |
Oh, my God, it's the police. He's here. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
Suspected drug dealer. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:29 | |
-BLEEP -sake, man. -He's got money, I've got money, | 0:13:29 | 0:13:33 | |
he accused me of planting evidence. I never planted evidence, OK? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
I'm a clean cop. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
Calm it down, wee man. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:38 | |
Calm it down. All you have to do is haun' it into the station. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
Six weeks it's yours, know what I mean? | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
-Can you do that? -Of course you can. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
OK. Right. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
-Sorry about that. -Are you going to calm down? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
-Yes, yes, of course, sorry. -We'll take it fae here, right? | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
See you later. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
I caught him, by the way, Volunteer Officer Ken Beattie. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Put in a good word for me. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
Jeezo. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
The cash was claimed the next day. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
Meanwhile the head of the police is concerned | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
with the head of the head of the police. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
So, the time-and-motion boys have been looking into | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
how I can best spend my time more efficiently. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
One of the areas they are looking into is my haircut. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
I normally go to Studio Spectum, | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
and they've got one of those lovely wee cappuccino machines. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:23 | |
Chantelle washes my hair, | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
then Nicki gives me a massage scalp. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
And then Erin cuts it, and then her twin, Kayleigh, a lovely girl, | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
she will blow-dry it. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
So, you know, door-to-door it takes maybe four, four and a half hours. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:36 | |
So, the time-and-motion boys think maybe we can make a saving there. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
That's where we're looking today - let's have a haircut at the desk. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
Jean, when is the, uh... | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
the meeting about the security issue at Balmoral, is that the 14th? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:53 | |
Jean? What's the password for, er... | 0:14:53 | 0:14:57 | |
that bunch of Faslane files we've got. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
Aye, the sensitive ones. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:01 | |
Kaboom? | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
You're going to bring the boat in where, Stonehaven? | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
OK. You reckon it's a bigger...? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
You reckon it's a bigger haul than last week's? | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
OK. I want every hold searched, I want them searched, | 0:15:13 | 0:15:17 | |
I want the fish searched, right? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
Jean, I'm just going through the diary, | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
and I think we're going to have... | 0:15:22 | 0:15:23 | |
-GARBLED: -..to move a couple of things around here. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
INDISTINCT MUMBLING | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
..the meeting with the Justice Secretary | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
I think we're going to have to put that on a Thursday. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
Very happy with that. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
You want to have a feel of that yourself? No? | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
Smooth as butter. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
Yeah, so haircut, also, I like it. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
Great success. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:43 | |
Didn't lose any time regarding police work and, | 0:15:44 | 0:15:49 | |
between you and me, Ali gave me some very interesting information | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
about who's selling the counterfeit cigarettes down in Granton. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
Win-win. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:56 | |
At Copcom's HQ, | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
Maggie LeBeau picks up all the crucial info | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
and gets all the key details. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
What was your name, sorry? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
Christine. Christine what? | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
Christine from the roll shop? | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
I'm going to need your second name. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
It's just we don't have a roll shop option on our system here. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:19 | |
Fully focused, even with time wasters. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
Daily, I get phone calls from people who are phoning up to report crimes | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
that are not crimes. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
Often they're just complaints about something people don't like. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
Somebody's opened an olive oil shop in your street | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
and you think it's "heavy dodgy"? | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
For example, a bus stop might have a poster of Justin Bieber on it, | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
and when you walk past that bus stop | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
you might want to scrape your eyes out. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
If I walked past that bus poster, I would want to scrape my eyes out. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
However, that being there is not a crime, so don't call 999. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:54 | |
And the Scottish Police Force would always advise that you don't scrape | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
your eyes out for any reason. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
You think that your neighbour has stolen the lawnmower. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
What makes you think that he's stolen it? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
Just because he earns less than you | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
doesn't necessarily mean that it's stolen. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
We get calls daily from people who say, | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
"Oh, so and so hasn't opened their curtains for three days." | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
That's not a crime, that's not an emergency. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
You know, they've probably just got a heavy hangover. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
999 is not appropriate for a curtain call. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
In the bonnie hills and the bonnie glens, | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
McIntosh and Mackay stamp out anything they reckon could be iffy. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:35 | |
-What's going on?! -You're under arrest! | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
But tradition decrees they go softly-softly | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
when the locals want to party hard. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
Every town has its own festivals and traditions. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
People have gala days and fairs. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
We have the Butter Fist. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
The Butter Fist? | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
It's an age-old tradition. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
A huge local fair. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
They do stuff from the morning right through to the evening. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
They bring out a huge barrel of butter | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
and they put it right in the village centre. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
Everyone just fists into the butter, | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
and whatever you manage to scoop up, you get to take that home with you. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
You haven't lived until you've fisted a barrel of butter. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
I must take you fisting some time, you'll love it. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
The big thing, someone is elected the Butter Man. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
He has to then take two fistfuls of butter. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
There's a bunch of Butter Bashers around. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
-Butter bashers? -Yeah, they're trying to stop the Butter Man | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
getting from one end of the town to the other | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
because he has to get to the other end | 0:18:25 | 0:18:26 | |
because if he does so and completes it before sundown | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
he gets to take the Butter Queen to the Butter Ball. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
You know, inebriation and public lubrication | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
was something that we were supposed to guard against, | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
but apparently if you do it annually | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
-then we can help you celebrate. -Yeah. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
-Oh, hello. -You've got to help me, they're after my butter. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-You know the rules as well as I do. -Come on. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
No, no, we can't abet the Butter Man. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
-Anything, come on, help me out. -On your way. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Get going, quick, they'll be here soon. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:54 | |
-Just up there. -What are you doing? | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
-What? -You cannot abet the Butter Man. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
-Where be the Butter Man? -There be the Butter Man. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
Charlie! | 0:19:01 | 0:19:02 | |
Charlie, you said you weren't supposed to... You can't help... | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
If somebody asks the question, you have to give the answer. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
Come on, now, get him. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:08 | |
-Got you! -That's it. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:10 | |
Charlie, he's sitting on top of him. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
No, he's fine, he can breathe. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:13 | |
He can't breathe. Charlie, this is assault. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
No, it's a wee knobbing, that's what they call it. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
-A wee what? -Just a knobbing, | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
they're trying to get the knobs of butter off him. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
-That is horrendous, and this is... -Give him a knobbing for me! | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
-Get off! -He's broken free! | 0:19:24 | 0:19:25 | |
- The Butter Man's away! - Come on, then! | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
-Run! -Have it. -Run! | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
He'll have a whole day of that. God, that is... | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
What I would give to be the Butter Man. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
It got a little bit wild at times, but nowhere near as bad as 2009. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:40 | |
That was a particularly messy affair - | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
not enough butter, too much fist. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
You do the math. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:47 | |
One of our biggest challenges is keeping up with technology. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
Do you know what is just around the corner? Driverless cars. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
I can tell you now, that's the next big one. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
Because, if there's an accident, | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
or a crime committed by a driverless car, | 0:19:58 | 0:20:01 | |
even something as simple as speeding, | 0:20:01 | 0:20:02 | |
there's no driver to arrest. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:05 | |
What do we do? Can we arrest the car? | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
Can we imprison the car? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
I honestly don't know the answer to these questions, | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
but somebody needs to find out, | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
because the future is coming straight towards us | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
and we need to know, | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
we need to meet it head on. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
The main question is, will the car ever be treated as a sentient being? | 0:20:20 | 0:20:26 | |
Right now, we can say what we want about our cars. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
You know? But in the future, might they take offence? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
I've got a crappy Renault. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
I can say "bloody French cars" any time I want, | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
but if that Renault comes to understand that it's a French car, | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
is it going to take offence on that? | 0:20:38 | 0:20:39 | |
Then the public might worry about us pulling over too many black cars, | 0:20:39 | 0:20:43 | |
that'll be the next thing. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
You know? And then, is an MOT an invasion of their privacy? | 0:20:45 | 0:20:51 | |
These will be the issues, mark my words. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
The public have to deal with dangerous hucksters out to con them | 0:20:55 | 0:20:59 | |
for an easy buck, so it's lucky Desk Sergeant Karen Ann Millar | 0:20:59 | 0:21:03 | |
has their back. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:04 | |
It's important to remember that being a victim of crime does not | 0:21:04 | 0:21:07 | |
automatically make you a fool. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:09 | |
Even the best of us can be duped. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
Confidence tricksters will worm their way right inside your life. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
I like to liken it to taking care of dolphins. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:19 | |
You know? Everybody is dolphin-friendly, aren't they? | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
Well, we, we are tuna-friendly. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
The Scottish Police Force is there to look after the tuna, too. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
Officer Karen. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:28 | |
-Bobby, how are we doing? -You all right? -I'm fine, yeah. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
Are you hurt, or anything? Are you safe? | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
-I'm perfectly all right. -The thing is, I was worried, right? | 0:21:35 | 0:21:38 | |
I got a deal off Groupon, right, and I went to see a fortune teller. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:42 | |
And see the fortune teller, | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
she gave me a warning. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
She was like that, | 0:21:46 | 0:21:47 | |
"Someone you know is in grave danger." | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
-Right? -OK. -It's a lassie, right? | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
-OK. -She's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and she's always smiling, | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
and something bad's going to happen. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
And I thought, I need to go in and tell Officer Karen | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
-and make sure you're all right. -Yes, I'm fine, Bobby. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:06 | |
Why did you feel you had to tell me | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
about this risk to an unnamed blonde, | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
blue-eyed lady of your acquaintance? | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
I was just wondering, cos maybe, you know how, | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
when people are, like, born, they've got blonde hair, | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
and when you get older your hair goes darker? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
Well, I can reassure you, Bobby, | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
that I did not have blonde hair when I was a child. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:26 | |
So, you're OK? | 0:22:26 | 0:22:27 | |
I'm fine. It's a shame, Bobby - these people are charlatans. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
Fortune telling is the last bastion for a credible society, | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
who are seeking some kind of higher power to give them an opportunity | 0:22:34 | 0:22:38 | |
to see a future for themselves, | 0:22:38 | 0:22:39 | |
and to feel as though someone else is in control of their destiny, | 0:22:39 | 0:22:44 | |
rather than having to accept that the universe | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
is just a very complex mechanism | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
that operates on its own rules and you can't really control it. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
That's what I said. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
Then the thing to do, Bobby, | 0:22:55 | 0:22:56 | |
is to accept that maybe the best thing | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
is to appreciate every day as an adventure. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
You move forward through life never knowing | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
what's going to happen to you, | 0:23:02 | 0:23:03 | |
-it's going to be a lot more fun, isn't it? -Yeah, OK. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:07 | |
Don't you worry, don't you let those charlatans take you in, OK? | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
Right, OK, I'll go up and get my sausage rolls, | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
and I'll come back down. Anyway, see you later, Officer Karen, bye. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
-Want anything? -I'm good, thanks. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
-Right OK, see you later. -See you later. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
SIREN WAILS | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
I'll tell you, the amount of vehicles | 0:23:21 | 0:23:22 | |
that we've pulled over in our career, | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
we've pulled over motors, vans, lorries, boats. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:29 | |
The other day we were travelling along and we seen a male | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
travelling at some speed going down the main road. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
Whit? He's in the middle of the road. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
-Here. -Morning, chaps. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
'We pulled him over.' Hi, what are you playing at? | 0:23:38 | 0:23:41 | |
-Lewis Hamilton. -All right, boys. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:43 | |
Some speed you were going at, do you not think? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
Look, it was an emergency. | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
What was the emergency, what's happening? | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
Well, I was getting my shopping back from my neighbour, you see, | 0:23:50 | 0:23:53 | |
before it defrosted, because it's all frozen food, cos he's elderly. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:58 | |
What have you got for him, anyway? Frozen cheese and ham toasties? | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
The basics, you see? | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
Is that us done? I've got to go, boys, here, man, come on! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
He started to get a wee bit shifty. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
He started to act a wee bit edgy, on edge, as if he was hiding something, | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
but nothing gets by us. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:13 | |
On further inspection, I found something that completely shocked | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
and surprised me. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
Is this what they're selling down the freezer shop now, eh? | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
No, it must have been planted. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
What is this? Charlie, skank? | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
-Smack? -I don't know. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
-Meow-meow? -I don't know. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:27 | |
Right, so you've been scooting all roon' aboot Iceland | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
with this in the back of your..? | 0:24:30 | 0:24:31 | |
I didnae realise, cos I cannae see behind me, | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
-I'm no' an owl. -You've got of a lot of explaining to do, boy. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
-Right, we're going to have to take you down the station. -What?! | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
The cops have seen enough and call it in. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
We'll mibbe need to get a van. 5-1 to Force Control... | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
-The suspect powers off. -Come back, you! | 0:24:43 | 0:24:45 | |
Nice try. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:48 | |
-Get the handbrake on. -Come on. -Get the ignition off. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
-Switch it off. -Is the ignition off? | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
Get it off! I'm no' wanting to use a stinger, right? | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
That's the last thing I want to use on these new wheels. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
You know, in the police force we don't see race, religion, ability, | 0:24:57 | 0:25:01 | |
but what we do see is big bags of gear. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
And he had a big bag of gear, so we arrested him. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
The modern Scottish police officer is professional and presentable. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:14 | |
-Hi, there. -He-llo. -I'm looking to sign up for the police. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
Could I have a wee leaflet, please? | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
-Yes. -I'll deal with it, it's cool. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:19 | |
Doing good. Feeling good. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
Looking good. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Have you noticed? | 0:25:24 | 0:25:25 | |
What? | 0:25:28 | 0:25:29 | |
-Noticed what? -My hair. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
What about it? | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
I spent 112 quid on it. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:37 | |
What?! | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Bit of colour, styling. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
It's exactly the same. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:45 | |
By a master stylist. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
Would you stop looking in that mirror? | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
That's not what that mirror is for. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:50 | |
I think it is, it's to see if there are any cars coming. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
-112 quid? -It's an investment. -Investment in what? | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
An investment in, well, think of the birds I'll get. | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
112 quid. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
I'll tell you... | 0:26:01 | 0:26:02 | |
It's like an ISA for shagging. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
-Mate, mate, listen, listen. -Calm down! | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
We're going to take you down to the station, you understand that? | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
Can I ask you a quick question? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
How much would you pay for a haircut like this? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
-ANGRY SHOUTING -Girls, girls, girls, hey, hey. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:19 | |
-The pair o' yese... -She's a slag! -Look, hey! | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
That's enough! | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
-Argh! -Come here, you! | 0:26:24 | 0:26:25 | |
You're going to make me bald! I'm going to look like a monk! Right. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:29 | |
-Argh! -Right, that's it, I'm arresting you! | 0:26:29 | 0:26:32 | |
-You're under arrest. -Oww! | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
Pepper, pepper! | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
I'm not peppering her, Jack! | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
-Get my lawyer! -Let go of his hair! He's just had that done, | 0:26:38 | 0:26:42 | |
-cost him a bloody fortune. -What are ye gonnae do? | 0:26:42 | 0:26:44 | |
-What have you got in it? -Fibre putty. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
It's 23 quid a tub. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:51 | |
Doing good while still looking good. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:55 | |
Meanwhile, the chief has a good idea. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
So, I've been looking at ways in which the digital economy | 0:26:57 | 0:27:01 | |
can potentially raise revenue for the police force. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:06 | |
And interestingly, you'll find that most crimes are committed solo, | 0:27:06 | 0:27:11 | |
so that when we arrest the criminal, | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 | |
there's only one person in the back of the car. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
So there is an available seat. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Seems silly to waste that. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
Is there anything we can do with that? | 0:27:19 | 0:27:20 | |
My thinking is Police Uber. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
How about that? | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
We're making the journey anyway - why not pick someone up on the way? | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
What member of the public | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
is not going to enjoy a ride in a police car? | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
And, of course, it's the safest ride in town. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:37 | |
You can guarantee the driver has been CRB-checked. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
Has he been vetted? Yes. Are the police happy with them? | 0:27:39 | 0:27:41 | |
Of course they're happy, they ARE the police! | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
Now, like any tremendous idea, | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
you need to be forensic and look for flaws. | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 | |
Potentially here I see the problem being | 0:27:50 | 0:27:54 | |
if Police Uber takes off, yeah? | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
Then the actual Uber drivers become unemployed. | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
As we know, unemployment leads to crime, we're back at square one. | 0:27:59 | 0:28:03 | |
So, maybe, | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
the answer is we flip it | 0:28:06 | 0:28:07 | |
and we get the Uber boys to pick up the criminals. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:11 | |
So, you phone in the crime, we phone the Uber boys, | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
the Uber boys drive round, scoop up the criminal, bring 'em back to us. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:19 | |
You could see that working, couldn't you? | 0:28:19 | 0:28:20 | |
It's all kicking off - don't worry, there's an Uber XL two minutes away. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:24 | |
He'll come and sort it out. Flawless. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:26 |