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-Here we are, then, Frank. -Oh, Tim, you shouldn't. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:38 | |
Well, a little spot of bubbly doesn't go amiss, does it, eh? | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
Not every day you get married. Not every day that I'm the best man. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:45 | |
We certainly know how to do things properly, do we Lumsdens. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
Let's face it, I am a wee Lumsden. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
Yeah, well, Champagne costs a fortune in here. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
-And it will be warm. -No, no. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:54 | |
I rang up Chris and asked him to put it on the ice. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
Mind you, the ice in this pub is a little bit on the warm side, | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
I must admit. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
-Be careful. -Don't worry. Look, when it comes to matters of style, | 0:01:01 | 0:01:05 | |
Frank, I certainly happen to know what I'm doing. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:09 | |
Good Lord, there's wire all round the top of this. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
Don't they trust the staff? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
-Oh, God! Give it to me. -Leave it. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
-Don't shake it up. -I was just going to say that. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
I'm all right. Honestly. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
-Oh! -Argh! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
Oh, dear... Sorry about that. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
-Oh, that's lucky. -What? | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
Most of it went in your crash helmet. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
Oh! There we are. Cheers, anyway. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Sorry about that. Seemed to be a bit lively, didn't it? | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
-There we are. -Cheers. -To Frank and Jenny. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
-May all your troubles be little ones. -Starting with you, you mean?! | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
Sorry about that. Are you all right? | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
Is there going to be a stag night, at all? | 0:01:51 | 0:01:55 | |
This is it. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:56 | |
Is it? | 0:01:58 | 0:01:59 | |
I suppose it is. Get in there, Frank. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:03 | |
Paint the town red, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
Have a wassail, carouse until the early hours. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
I've got to be home with Mother in seven minutes, | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
-so I won't have a lot to drink. -Some stag night. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
Wow-wee(!) | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
We've done some pretty wild things in our time, Frank. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
-Just think about it. -Have we? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
When? | 0:02:23 | 0:02:24 | |
Well, 1954. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
I put that banger in a bottle | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
through old Ma Tillsbury's cat flap. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
So we did... Why didn't you light it? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
Well, I didn't want to frighten her, did I? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
Then, I put that dead worm in the Willis Avenue postbox. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
-Oh, you crazy, mixed-up kid(!) -I suppose I am, really. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:47 | |
Happy days. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
I shall be sorry... I shall be sorry to lose my old mate, | 0:02:51 | 0:02:55 | |
I don't mind telling you. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:56 | |
I'm not dying, I'm getting married. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
I've lost a lot of friends through marriage, Frank. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
I just ask you to spare a thought for those left behind. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
-Well, don't BE left behind, you 'nana. -Well, who'd have me? | 0:03:07 | 0:03:11 | |
Oh. Don't start that again. Plenty of girls, as you well know. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
I suppose you're right. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:17 | |
I suppose I do have that certain something that no-one | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
can quite put their finger on. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:24 | |
Yes, well it's about time somebody did. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
What went wrong with that Linda girl? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
Eyebrows too close together. Mother always says... | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
Oh, "Mother"! God, I knew it. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
Mother always says, "Eyebrows too close together, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
-"sure sign of the gold-digger." -Gold-digger! What gold have you got? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:46 | |
I've got the granny bond. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:47 | |
My beer mat collection is priceless. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Oh, there's always some idiotic reason. Eyebrows! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
What was wrong with Julie Flint? Her earlobes, wasn't it? | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
You know the saying, | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
"Small earlobes, sign of not a very nice person." | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
No, I don't. Nor does anyone. Look, it's all excuses, | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
-old wives' fiddle-faddle. -Not too loud. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:05 | |
It's the same old story. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
You decide to do something, then you find an excuse for not doing it. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
Dither, dither, dither. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
-I'm looking. -Good. -I do not dither. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
I am very, very decisive. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
-Goodbye, Frank. I am going home. -Well done, Tim. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
Goodbye and don't forget to meet Liz, the bridesmaid. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
I remember the best man's duties, don't you worry. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
Did you see that, Chris? He decided to do something and he did it. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:29 | |
What is this Liz like, by the by? | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
Is she...? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:32 | |
Quite sort of, you know...? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Hmm, | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
-OK, I suppose. -What do you mean? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Do you mean, Mmm, OK? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Or Hmm-mm, OK? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:43 | |
Or Mm, OK? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
-Mm, OK. -Good enough for me. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
-Wait a minute. She's very much like you, in fact. -Oh, good. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
-You think that's good? -Well, we've got something in common. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
If she's very much like me and I'm, you know, | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
fairly like me, then we're both rather like me. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
-PHONE RINGS -There's your mother. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
-It may not be. -Answer it, you ditherer. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
-Shall I? It might not be her. -Oh, God. -It's her. -Ah, right. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Well, that's the end of the party, then. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
No, Frank, no. Ditherer, you say? Just listen. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
Mother, be quiet, please. Be quiet. Yes? | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
No, Mother, I'm staying here for my supper. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
Yes, I am NOT coming home for my supper. No, no. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
Anyway, I don't like the brawn, Mother, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
so I'm staying here, all right? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
Yes, goodbye, Mother. Goodbye. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
-Oh, my God, Tim, you did it! -Yes! | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
But I think I'd better go. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
-Oh, ye gods! I can't take much more of this. -All right, I'll stay. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:36 | |
-Do one thing or the other. -Yes, I have made up my mind. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
-The brawn has got to be eaten - I'm going. -Go, go! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:44 | |
Do you know, Chris, if they held a competition to find | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
the greatest ditherer in the whole world, | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
Timothy Lumsden wouldn't win it. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
-He'd never be able to make up his mind to go. -Frank, that is not fair. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:53 | |
Oh! | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
Hello-oh! | 0:06:01 | 0:06:02 | |
-Hello! -Ah, Timothy! -Shh! | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
Nobody talking to me? | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
A-ha! | 0:06:09 | 0:06:10 | |
# Hello, Muddah, hello, Faddah Hello, Muddah... # | 0:06:11 | 0:06:16 | |
We don't want to see what you're eating, Timothy. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
And we know you can't sing. We've heard you on stage. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:22 | |
Oh, thank you for that warm welcome. I shall... | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Good heavens, are those Christmas decorations? No, they're icicles. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:28 | |
Your father and I have something that I wish to say to you. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
GERMAN ACCENT: I shall give you only my name, rank and number! | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
Very funny, Humphrey Bogart. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
-Humphrey Bogart? -Your father and I have something to take up with you. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:51 | |
-This is not the moment, Mother, is it? -What? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
When you tell me you're not my real parents. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
That I was, in fact, left on the front doorstep by the Archduke | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
and I am the rightful King of Crovonia? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
I want you to know, Mother, | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
but I have not got a heart-shaped birthmark on my thigh. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
But there is something further up in the middle, that looks | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
very like a hamster going down its burrow! | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
Try not to be disgusting, Timothy. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
I thought that was rather imaginative! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
-Be quiet. I gave your room a good clean out today. -Oh, no. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:31 | |
-We moved the wardrobe. -Yes? | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
-Behind the wardrobe, it was filthy. -Yes. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
Dirt, broken ping-pong balls and this spoon. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:44 | |
-So? -When you hid this spoon, it was full of Radio Malt. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:51 | |
No wonder you never grew. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
Mother, much as I like domestic archaeology, I'm going out, | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
-I'm sorry. -Stay where you are. | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
To whom is this envelope addressed? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
-Mr and Mrs Bumsden. -Lumsden! Us! | 0:08:02 | 0:08:07 | |
That is a school report - autumn term, 1954, Form 5G. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:13 | |
Oh, how interesting, Mother. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
You never showed us that report. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
You read it, saw it was disgusting and hid it. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
What have you got to say for yourself? | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
-That was 30-odd years ago, Mother. I... -Read it out, Sydney. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
-Read it out. -Right-oh, Phyllis. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
"Attendance...something... | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
"Punctuality, very..." I can't read this. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
"Bography..." | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Bography?! | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
Geography! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
Give it to me. Look... "Could do better." "Could do better." | 0:08:43 | 0:08:49 | |
-"Doesn't listen." "Inattentive." -What, Mother? -Ina... | 0:08:49 | 0:08:53 | |
Aren't you listening to me?! | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
-Sorry, Mother, I was just being inattentive. -And what about this? | 0:08:56 | 0:09:01 | |
B for biology, C for chemistry, E for French... | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
-Shouldn't that be -F -for French? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
C, D, E, E-plus... | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
I was very good at drama. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
Drama! "Dear Timothy's Ophelia was a rare and lovely jewel. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:24 | |
"Evelyn W Crisp." Who's she? | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
HE, Mother. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Got thrown out later on, for... | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
Housemaster's comments. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
"A poor term. He is 16. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
"Perhaps long trousers would help." | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
-Stuff and nonsense! -It's true, Mother! -They used to tease me. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:49 | |
E-minus. "This subject seems entirely above his head." | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
What is it, basketball? Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
Headmaster's comments. "Timothy is constantly finding excuses. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:01 | |
"He should make up his mind what his goals are. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
"At the moment, he is dithering. E Grigsby, Headmaster." | 0:10:04 | 0:10:08 | |
How right that man was. Dither, dither, dither. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
I do not dither! Everybody says I dither. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
-I'm absolutely fed up with it. I do not! I'm going out, Mother. -Where? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
-To the station, to meet Miss Elizabeth Large. -The bridesmaid? | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
The bridesmaid, yes, Mother, who is 35 and, | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
if you want my un-dithering opinion, fanciable! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
Very! | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
But we know nothing about this girl! | 0:10:28 | 0:10:29 | |
You knew nothing about Lady Diana Spencer. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
That seems to have worked out all right. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Good point, that... | 0:10:36 | 0:10:37 | |
You won't be so full of yourself | 0:10:39 | 0:10:40 | |
when you've eaten this plate of brawn. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
Hello?! | 0:10:47 | 0:10:48 | |
TRAIN THUNDERS BY | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
-Oi! Where are you going? -Oh, sorry! I didn't see you there. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
-I was just... Has the train arrived yet? -Yes. -Oh. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
-What about the next one? -No, not yet. -Oh, good. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
That's the one I meeting. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
You on a demo, then? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
-What? Oh, no. No, no. -What's this "Large"? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:25 | |
Are you against large people? | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
No, no, Miss Elizabeth Large, on the next train. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
I'm carrying this so she'll be able to pick me out. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
She should manage that. Unless she thinks I'M waiting for her. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
Ah, you're joking! | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
Little twinkle there, just a little twinkle! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
TRAIN PULLS UP Is that it? Is that it? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
Well, if it's a bus, it's trespassing. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
-May I go on the platform? May I, please? -6p. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
HE DROPS HIS CHANGE Oh, sorry, Mother! | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
I mean.... | 0:11:53 | 0:11:54 | |
I should keep my hanky in a separate pocket, like Mother says. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
Oh, sorry. Oh! | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
Oh! Thank you! | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
Oh! | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
Keep the change. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:07 | |
Hello! Oh... | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Oh... Sorry! | 0:12:15 | 0:12:16 | |
This is the interrogation room, you see? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Mother sits here and Father sits there. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
I come in the room and the inquisition starts. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
Ha-ha! Considering I've been on the rack for 30 years, | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
it's odd that I'm not any taller. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
Oh, my father, as soon as I'm in, | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
"Where have you been? Who have you been with? | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
-"What do you look like?" -Oh, same as me. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
Moment I come with the door, Father starts. We all start, really. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
I mean, at least the KGB let you ring your solicitor, don't they? | 0:13:05 | 0:13:09 | |
-Oh, dear! -He even confiscated my Barry Manilow record. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:14 | |
Well, actually, to be honest, | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
they confiscated ALL my Barry Manilow records. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
I was rather pleased, actually! | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
-Well, would you... Would you like to sit down, take a seat? -Oh, yes. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:27 | |
Well... | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
What would you, er, what would you like? | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Look, I'm sorry to do this to you, it said there was a buffet car. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:44 | |
Don't worry! Honestly, they always say there's a buffet car. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
There was really, but they were short-staffed. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
-Oh, perhaps -I -ought to be working for them! | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
Ha ha ha! | 0:13:51 | 0:13:52 | |
You do go on about your height. I mean, what's wrong with it? | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
-It's lovely! -Is it? HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
Thank you very much. I... | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
There was a time, as a child, you know, | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
when I thought I was really going to be quite short. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Yes. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:11 | |
Then, I absolutely shot up. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
Mother actually thinks I've outgrown my strength. Ha-ha! | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
-Oh, but you haven't, not the way you carried that suitcase. -Well... | 0:14:19 | 0:14:24 | |
What are you... What would you... What would you like? I mean, er... | 0:14:24 | 0:14:28 | |
We've got, um... We've got some bubble and squeak... | 0:14:28 | 0:14:33 | |
To be honest, with precious few bubbles and not a lot of squeak. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
And there's a sort of...beigey stuff in the liquidiser, which is a bit... | 0:14:38 | 0:14:43 | |
HE MUMBLES | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
And, um, there's a curried egg and avocado sort of thing. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:50 | |
You know, Mother calls it her lucky dip. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
But it's been in the fridge so long, | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
it's rapidly about to become her unlucky dip! | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
So, you know, what, as you were, would you, what would you... | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
What would you... what would you like? | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Oh, well, I think I'll have the... | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
Or perhaps, er... | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
-No. -Mm. -Well, um... | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
Oh, sorry. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
-What should I have? -Well, um... | 0:15:14 | 0:15:18 | |
Perhaps, erm... | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
No, I don't think so. No, you could, what about, um... | 0:15:23 | 0:15:27 | |
Possibly, um... | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
You could have... What about bread and cheese? | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
Oh, bread and cheese. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
I think. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:35 | |
Oh, I don't know. I'm dithering. I do dither. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
Oh, do you? I'm glad to hear that, cos so do I. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
-I do, I do that. -Do you? -Well, yes and no, you know. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
Exactly. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
So, what is it to be, then? | 0:15:47 | 0:15:48 | |
-Bread and cheese, or, you know, something else if you like? -Yes. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:53 | |
Yes! Very decisive. Didn't dither at all, did you? Birds of a feather. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:58 | |
Good heavens, no flies on you. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Wish I could say the same for the cheese! | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
TIMOTHY LAUGHS | 0:16:03 | 0:16:04 | |
# I write the songs that make the whole world sing! # | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
Hello? Oh, sorry! | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
-Sorry? -Oh, sorry. -Sorry. -Sorry, sorry. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
It's just about the bread. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
I, um...I could cut this bit off, I suppose, give it to the birds. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:32 | |
Or, no, I know what I'll do, | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
cut this bit off and save the rest for Father. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
That's the best thing. Sorry. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
CLOCK CHIMES | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
Put it on its front. Put it on its front. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
-Oh, oh. -I'm sorry... | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
No, don't worry, it always does that, always strikes six | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
at 27 minutes past and vice versa... unless it's on its face. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:09 | |
-But how do you tell the time? -Look at my watch. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
TIMOTHY LAUGHS | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
There we are. Oh, dear. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
Why don't you get it mended? | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
Well, to be honest, Father was going to get it mended, you know, | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
-back in 1968. -Oh! My father's hopeless, too, really. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:26 | |
He needs looking after the whole time. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
Well, this is it, to be honest. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
You've put your finger absolutely on it, | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
because, well, my mother and father are getting on and, you know... | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
I just don't know where they'd be without me. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
The mind just boggles, really. It's frightening. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
It's the same with me and Father. I mean, I'm stuck with him. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
-Unless, of course... -Oh, yes, exactly. Unless, of course. Yes. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
I'm sorry, unless what? I'm sorry, I didn't... | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
-Well, you know, UNLESS. -Oh, UNLESS, yes. UNLESS, yes. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:56 | |
Unless? Unless? Oh, you mean UNLESS? | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
Ah, yes. Unless the right man... | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
-BOTH: Came along. -Quite, quite. -Quite, quite. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
Quite. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
I mean, I dream of escaping. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
You know, to be carried off on a great big white horse | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
by some strong, decisive man. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
Yes. I have that dream, as well. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
It's not a man, obviously! | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
It's a person. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
In a funny sort of way... Actually, it's a woman, to be honest. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:30 | |
-And it's not on a horse. -Oh, what is it, then? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:35 | |
Well, I never see, you see. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
Because I can't make up my mind to climb out of the window. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
-So silly, really. -You could come on my horse. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:43 | |
Could I really? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:44 | |
-Would it be big enough? -Oh! | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
I wouldn't wish to intrude on your horse. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
Am I interrupting something? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
Who is this person, Timothy? And what are you doing? | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
Mother, this is Liz. | 0:18:58 | 0:18:59 | |
How nice to meet you prematurely, like this. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
Timothy, that cheese was for the cat. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
And...who moved the clock and what sort of time do you call this? | 0:19:06 | 0:19:11 | |
That concludes the case for the prosecution. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
SYDNEY SLURPS | 0:19:20 | 0:19:22 | |
Please try not to do that. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:23 | |
Well? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
Sydney? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:27 | |
Well, what? | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
The hat. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
Well? | 0:19:31 | 0:19:32 | |
Good idea, a hat. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
I know that, it's a wedding. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
I mean, do you prefer this hat to the other hat? | 0:19:38 | 0:19:42 | |
Other hats? | 0:19:42 | 0:19:43 | |
The other hats I showed you. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
Oh, very nice, too. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
How you ever held a responsible position in the Water Board, | 0:19:48 | 0:19:52 | |
I shall never know. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
You were the wettest thing there. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
Nice one, Phyllis. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
Ta-ra! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:00 | |
Why have you put that hard suit on so early in the day? | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
I wanted to get value for money, Mother. PHONE RINGS | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
Ah. That'll be the chimney sweep ringing me up to tell me | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
the black cat has bitten him to death. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
Timothy? It's me. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
Yes. I've done a really silly thing, | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
I've locked myself out of Richard's house and there's no-one in. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
I'm supposed to be dressing the bride. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
Well, the window's open. An athletic man could get in. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
A strong, smallish, athletic man. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Yes. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:36 | |
On a white horse. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
You just stay there | 0:20:40 | 0:20:41 | |
and I'll be over before you can say Barry Manilow! Ha-ha! Bye. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:46 | |
Who was that? | 0:20:46 | 0:20:47 | |
That was the Gotham City Chief of Police, Mother. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
-Oh. -It's a disaster. The lovely Fay Wray is trapped | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
in a blazing skyscraper with a mad gorilla. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Is it a plane? Is it a bird? No, it's Best Man! | 0:20:58 | 0:21:02 | |
Da-da... | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
Be careful. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:08 | |
I think they're on the chest of drawers. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
TIMOTHY LAUGHS | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
-Not the best man for nothing! -Bring them down. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
No, no, I'll put the coffee on, you come in. Right? Catch. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:23 | |
Oh. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:27 | |
-The gate, the gate. -No, no, it's locked. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
Don't move. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
Leave it to Lumsden. Ta-da! | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
Right. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:40 | |
Left. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Steady. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:44 | |
There we are. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
Oh! You're wonderful. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
-That was so well thought out. -Yes, it was. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:54 | |
Up to a point. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
-Come on, what are you looking for? -The way out, dear. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:03 | |
My head's stuck. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:04 | |
I-29. Got that, Uncle Charlie. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
Boy with head in railings, 10 Prospect Place. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
I knew it! I knew it! | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
Oh! Why did I ask him? | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
He's dithering somewhere. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:27 | |
I just can't wait any longer. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
Well, they can't start without me! I'm the best man. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
-Well, I'd better take the ring. -No! | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
SIREN WAILS | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
Look, they're coming. You go. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
I'm going. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:40 | |
She's here. The bride's car. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
Well, tell the car to wait. Round the corner. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
How did you do it, sir? | 0:22:50 | 0:22:52 | |
Quick, get me out of here. Please. I'm the best man. Cut the railings. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:56 | |
What? Cut these? This is a Listed building. Grade Two. | 0:22:56 | 0:23:00 | |
-You need planning permission to cut these. -Planning permission? | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
There's regulations. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
-Couldn't you just bend them? -Regulations? | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
No, the railings! | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
We haven't got the gear. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:10 | |
We'll have to go back for it. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
You're not plumbers, by any chance, are you? | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
Please, please get me out of here! | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
All right, keep your hair on. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
George, go and buy some margarine. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
I should never have asked him. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
Oh! | 0:23:49 | 0:23:50 | |
Here, what are you doing down there? | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
Will you please help me out? I'm the best man. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
What at? Falling in graves?! Ha-ha! | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
Get me out. Will you please get me out?! | 0:24:04 | 0:24:07 | |
Hang on. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:08 | |
Come on, then. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:09 | |
MUSIC: Wedding March by Felix Mendelssohn | 0:24:11 | 0:24:14 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:24:14 | 0:24:16 | |
DOOR CLOSES | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
Sorry. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
Sorry! | 0:24:32 | 0:24:33 | |
You look lovely. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
And you. Sorry. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
-Where have you been? -Long story. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
-What sort of time do you call this? -Mother! -Have you got the ring? | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
Don't worry. Certain things I get wrong, not this. There you are. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
What are you doing? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
INDISTINCT | 0:24:50 | 0:24:51 | |
It's stuck! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:52 | |
Oh, you silly fool! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Hang on, can't get the ring off! | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
Timothy, this is all your fault. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
It won't come! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:01 | |
What you need, of course, is some margarine. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
Margarine? | 0:25:04 | 0:25:05 | |
It so happens I've got some of that on me. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
Where have you got some? | 0:25:07 | 0:25:08 | |
Behind my ear, Mother. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
I'm not just a dirty face. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:13 | 0:25:16 | |
Thank you. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:19 | |
If I could be serious, for a moment. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
Marriage is a very wonderful institution, so they tell me. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:27 | |
In fact, I'm rather hoping there will be another announcement | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
that I'm going to make at the end of the ceremony | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
with somebody who's not too far distant from me. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
No! I must say that it is nice to see that | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
Frank and Jenny have finally made it, having lived together for... | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
I mean... | 0:25:41 | 0:25:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
..known each other for so long. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:45 | |
Right, Frank and Jenny, the happy couple! | 0:25:45 | 0:25:48 | |
-ALL: -Frank and Jenny! | 0:25:48 | 0:25:51 | |
Liz, I just wanted... Liz, I want... | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
Liz... | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
Quite a good story, isn't it? People like that story. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
I didn't understand that story, I'm glad to say. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
I'm pleased to say, lots of other people did, Mother. Thank you. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
Tim, great! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:09 | |
I must see you before we go. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
Certainly, certainly. Well, you've taken the plunge now. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
-It's me, off the top board. -What? | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
I am going to propose to the bridesmaid. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
Wait! Look, you've had too many. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:20 | |
What, too many bridesmaids? | 0:26:20 | 0:26:21 | |
Drinks! | 0:26:21 | 0:26:22 | |
Look, Frank, you told me, no dithering. You told me that. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
That's what it's going to be. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
I was just... What I wanted to... | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Your speech went terribly well. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
Thank you very much. | 0:26:32 | 0:26:33 | |
Erm, will you marry me? That's what I... | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
-Will... -Timothy? | 0:26:35 | 0:26:38 | |
Hello, Dad. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:39 | |
Marry me? Will you? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:42 | |
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS | 0:26:42 | 0:26:45 | |
Bye! | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
Who shall I throw this to? | 0:26:58 | 0:26:59 | |
Throw it to Tim. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
Where is he? | 0:27:01 | 0:27:02 | |
I hope he doesn't do something stupid. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
CHEERING | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
Timothy? | 0:27:21 | 0:27:22 | |
Eaten too much trifle, have you? | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
Ha. No. No. I... | 0:27:25 | 0:27:29 | |
I proposed and she turned me down. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:34 | |
Yes, I turned your mother down the first time. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:36 | |
What seemed to be the snag? | 0:27:38 | 0:27:40 | |
-Well, she said I was after her money, I was a gold-digger. -What? | 0:27:40 | 0:27:43 | |
Apparently, my eyebrows meet in the middle or something. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:47 | |
They do a bit, you know, behind your glasses, though. | 0:27:47 | 0:27:50 | |
Yes, but it was just an excuse, really. | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
She was dithering. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
She wasn't your type, Timothy. | 0:27:56 | 0:27:58 | |
I suppose not. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
-We are talking about Liz, aren't we? -Yes, Liz, the bridesmaid. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:03 | |
You notice how she walked? | 0:28:03 | 0:28:05 | |
-Liz? -Feet splayed out. Sure sign. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:09 | |
Sign of what? | 0:28:12 | 0:28:14 | |
Nasty disposition. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
Sergeant major type. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:17 | |
Really, Liz? Good gracious! | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
Just like somebody we both know. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:22 | |
I'll not say a word against your mother. | 0:28:25 | 0:28:28 | |
Oh! It was a close shave, then! | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
Lucky escape! | 0:28:35 | 0:28:38 | |
Some people have all the luck! | 0:28:39 | 0:28:41 | |
Unlike yours truly! | 0:28:41 | 0:28:43 | |
-Cheers! -Cheers! | 0:28:45 | 0:28:48 | |
Good gracious me! I never realised that! | 0:28:48 | 0:28:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:28:52 | 0:28:55 |