Episode 2 Sweat the Small Stuff: Extra Sweaty

This programme contains some strong language and adult humour

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello! I'm Nick Grimshaw, welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff, yeah

These are the people who are going to be sweating it tonight.

Joining Melvin O'Doom's team this week is comedian Carl Donnelly

Next, it's my genuine next-door neighbour, who's sweating it

because I keep stealing her Wi-Fi to illegally download her music

It's Eliza Doolittle.

Over on Rochelle Humes's team is a funny man called Joe Lycett

and one half of McFly,

who are sweating because the other two are on QI tonight

Shout out to QI, it's Harry Judd and Danny Jones

So let's go and sweat the small stuff! Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff: Extra Sweaty.

This week, I've been sweating about the rude people in cinemas.

I hate a rude person in a cinema.

Madonna has been banned from a New York cinema for texting this week.

Did you see this? They've banned her for life,

which, to be fair, is only about five years,

so it is not a big deal, is it

Also this week, Natalie Cassidy is going back in EastEnders.

She's back. Sonia Jackson is back.

She's not been on that show for seven years -

what a seven years she's had.

In that time, she's, um...

LAUGHTER Well, she did...

Anyway, best of luck to you, Natalie.

Let's crack on and find out how our team captains are.

Melvin O'Doom... Hello. ..the love of my life, how are we?

WHOOP FROM AUDIENCE MEMBER

Oh, very good, one person claps Thank you for that.

We'll stop here - rewind.

Melvin O'Doom's here! CHEERING

Guys! Guys! Calm down!

God, they love you. Yeah, I know.

Wow! I can't believe it.

Rochelle, you look beautiful tonight.

CHEERING Aw!

Are you going to try and get less drunk this week?

I was drunk last week, wasn't I Yeah.

You were a mess, Rochelle. I know.

People were mopping up puke.

She didn't know she had done this until she saw it on the telly.

Let's meet the teams, we have Harry and Danny from McFly, everyone

CHEERING

Nice to have you here.

You recently sold out four full nights at the Royal Albert Hall

Yeah. That's pretty big in the game. Look, the classic shot.

That looks like if One Direction had kicked Zayn out.

What sort of things do McFly have to sweat about?

What about being constantly compared to Busted?

Is that still on or have people got over that now?

No, it's still happening. Apparently, it's a good thing, though.

Do you hate them because they're like everything you will never be? Never be, yeah.

Eliza Doolittle, what are your top five favourite McFly songs

Come on, Eliza, you can do it.

It's All About You. BOTH: Yes.

That's number one. Four more.

I do have favourites, but I don't remember the names

Carl Donnelly, what's your top five McFly songs?

It's not about the names, is it It's more about the...

Carl, cos you're a comedian,

do you ever sweat about hostile audiences, is that a worry for you?

Not massively. No? It should be, but I mean,

I don't think I'm the sort that annoys people that much.

We'll see.

You should be concerned, though about hostile audiences.

Last week one of our panellists got bottled.

ROCHELLE: Shut up. I mean, Rochelle did it.

Joe Lycett. I saw you on the telly the other day

and I got a little bit jealous

ROCHELLE: I did as well. Did you?

Xtra Factor. Xtra Factor.

Oh, look, there I am. There you are.

You're dressed like a crew member from Star Trek.

LAUGHTER

Did you have a nice time with Caroline Flack and Matt Richardson?

Yeah, I'd not met Caroline before. She was very kind to me. Yeah.

Have you met Matt Richardson before, though

Yeah, I have, what's it to you? I'm just asking.

I'd just heard you were a fan. I heard you're a fan.

We've got proof you're a fan.

Oh, fan photo! Yeah, me and Matt are very good friends.

How good?

We have sex three times a week

It is time now for round one.

This week, it's about something which Melvin

has been sweating about recently. Melvin, pray tell. Hello.

I feel like I'm at the age where I should have had a threesome by now.

Come on, then, let's go.

Men are quite obsessed with the whole threesome thing.

"We are going to Magaluf and Shagaluf and have a threesome.

I'm just not really... Sounds like The Saturdays' tour bus.

I had a really weird threesome once... You had one?

Yeah. Oh!

And it was really weird cos I didn't know who to concentrate on.

I didn't know whether to go Ant .. or go Dec.

APPLAUSE

You didn't want to, like...

CHEERING You can't neglect Dec, you know.

We thought what we'd do is find out how common it actually was,

so we put it to the test and asked some people on the street

the very normal and nonintrusive question -

"Have you ever had a threesome?

The way this is going to work is we'll see the person swear on this.

# Eat, sleep, breathe

# E-E-Eat, sleep, breathe

# E-E-Eat, sleep, breathe... #

There's far too much smoke.

That's too much smoke.

I feel like this is going to be like Michael Jackson in that Pepsi advert.

We're all going to have to have new faces made afterwards!

The quiff's been out raving!

We asked people to swear on the Quiff of Grimmy

that they would tell the absolute truth.

All you have to do is decide

if they look like someone who's had a threesome.

Let's have the first one, please.

My name's Hughie and I swear on the Quiff of Grimmy

to tell the whole truth.

Have you ever had a threesome?

CROWD SHOUTS OUT

It's not a panto!

Some girls are like, "Yes, we know him."

He does look like he's in the middle of it now.

They are saying no.

No. I would be open to the idea but I haven't, no.

Oh!

He's up for the idea.

Is there two people here that are up for it?

NEAR SILENCE

LAUGHTER

Rochelle's team, this one is for you.

Hi, I'm Rob and I swear on the Quiff of Grimmy to tell the truth.

Have you ever had a threesome?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Quite immediate tonight. Everyone's like, "Yes!"

What do you think?

It is hard, because I would have said that Melvin's had a threesome,

if I'm honest. Do you think he has?

He looks like he's just got out of prison.

So, yes! Yeah.

Nonstop for 12 years!

Let's go yes.

They're saying yes cos of prison.

Yes. CHEERING

When? On a balcony in Ayia Napa

He doesn't seem too happy about it, does he?

"On a balcony in Ayia Napa."

Melvin's team, this one is for you.

I'm Andy, and I swear on the Quiff of Grimmy to tell the whole truth.

Have you ever had a threesome?

LAUGHTER

What do we think?

I think he has. Look how tightly he's clutching my quiff.

LAUGHTER

I think he probably has. They are saying yes.

Maybe.

Yes.

There's nothing else I want to say about that.

Oh, my God. Grimmy, what are you doing to me, mate

What am I doing? You did it!

Let's look at who is next. It's my pal from last week,

ASAP Del Boy.

Yay!

I'm ASAP Del Boy, I swear to tell the whole truth on Nick Grimshaw's quiff.

Rochelle's team, do you reckon he's done it?

As in, As Soon As Possible Del Boy?

Yes. I love the way he was christened "As Soon As Possible .

"That's too long, so we'll go with ASAP."

What do you think? I don't think he has.

I think he's a kind, gentle boy who, like an Action Man, has no genitalia.

OK. Let's go no. No.

Let's find out.

Yes, I have. We did it in the park.

It was quite awesome.

"Quite awesome."

Thank you to the people of Great Britain for playing

On The Quiff Of Grimmy. Yay!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I like that we play comedown music for it to go back down.

Carl Donnelly, we invited you on this youth TV show,

on youth station BBC Three to ask for your sweats.

We thought you'd sweat about Instagram or twerking or summat

but you are sweating about allotments.

It's part of a bigger thing.

What it is is, old-fashioned things that people from my generation do

to try and be cool.

Essentially, if you try to explain allotments

to people from overseas they look at you like you're insane.

If you describe it, it's basically all the hassle of a garden,

but not at your house...

..which is mental.

I hate having a garden, because I've got to look after it, legally.

But if I had to get a bus to my garden,

I would be the angriest person on that bus every time.

You didn't stop at allotments.

You've also been sweating over loose tea leaves and pyjamas.

Are you my mum?

The pyjamas one is the one that does...

You wear clothes all day

and then you get under a duvet which is warmer than clothes.

Mm. But then you put clothes on

The worst one is old people's pyjamas,

have you seen how smart they are?

They've got pyjamas on that have got breast pockets and collars, as if like...

I've never been denied entry into a dream because I was underdressed.

Maybe it's like a precaution because they put the outfit on

thinking, "I want to look nice in the outfit I die in."

That's true!

AUDIENCE: Oh! No!

Harry, what have you been sweating about?

I get really annoyed, I find clubs a very frustrating place to be in.

All right, Grandad! Why?

Because it's just shit. You go in and it's just really loud.

DANCE MUSIC BLARES

Whoo!

What's wrong? Everyone's having a nice time.

SHOUTING AND HOLLERING

It's partly that.

What is it about loud music that particularly annoys you?

It's generally music like that

DANCE MUSIC BLARES Ooh-ooh!

I can't hear what you're saying Exactly! Exactly.

Sorry, that's... That's a cheap gag.

It's painful to listen to. And I find you can't hear anyone.

DANCE MUSIC BLARES

MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH

APPLAUSE OK, OK.

It's now time for Grimmy Investigates.

Every week, I ask the listeners of Radio 1

and followers of the Sweat The Small Stuff Twitter account

what their biggest sweats are concerning a specific topic.

I'll pick one of those sweats and attempt to investigate it for them.

Once again,

I think this deserves a detective series opening title sequence.

Last week we had a Murder, She Wrote spoof,

in which I think I looked a little bit like Joe Lycett.

Did you see this? JOE MOUTHS

Look! I also look like Deirdre Rachid, nee Barlow.

So we thought we'd have another detective series spoof intro.

This week, Poirot.

You're fucking welcome. LAUGHTER

POIROT THEME MUSIC PLAYS

DANCE MUSIC BLARES

LAUGHTER

Hey, Grimmy, I'm Alanna, from Cheshire and what makes me

sweat recently is when I've gone out, got drunk, got my laptop out

and looked at things I shouldn't.

You know what I'm talking about

And the next day, I've realised that

I forgot to delete my internet history

and there's a risk of my mum seeing the naughty things

I've been looking at - oooh!

Nice acting. "Oooh!"

I thought this was a unique male problem, not to be sexist

I've decided to investigate if any of our panellists

have anything to sweat about in their internet history,

in a game I'm calling "Eat, Sleep, Search, Delete".

Earlier this week, I asked the panellists to send me

a screen grab of their internet histories.

To win points, the teams had to match these genuine internet search

histories to the correct panellists.

First up, Melvin's team. Who, from Rochelle's team,

has been searching for the following over the past week?

NICK READS LIST ALOUD

Autonomous sensory meridian response.

Chantelle - Daily Mail.

There's nothing like looking at paparazzi pictures of a former

Big Brother winner in 2006 to get rid of Sex Box out of the brain

Cod liver oil capsules.

So which one of them looks like they may need to prevent rickets?

Carl, Eliza, I've got no idea.

I have a feeling it might be Joe,

because he's got a wide array of interests.

Who do we think? Definitely Joe

Who from Rochelle's team is going to own up to this internet history

Joe Lycett! You get one point, you are absolutely correct.

Well done, you knew that, Carl

You knew that straightaway.

Joe, we obviously looked up

autonomous sensory meridian response.

I have to say... this is some weird shit.

Would you like to explain to everybody exactly what this is

For my entire life, when I've seen someone folding something or

being delicate with it,

I get this tingle in the back of my head

which builds up to this amazing sensation.

You get it as well. Loads of people get it, lots don't.

I get it from when people are being really nice and endearing.

You like people being nice to you. He likes people folding towels

This teacher was giving me advice in prep at school,

I was like, "What's that feeling in the back of my neck?

That's just someone being nice to you.

He likes people folding towels

This is what Joe is talking about. Have a look at this.

Joe, what are you enjoying right now?

She is just taking such care over it.

You can't do it when you're in company.

I'm not getting anything now, but if I was watching this in bed,

this is what I would look like if I was in bed.

I just love it. It is weird,

because I've got some washing I need to fold right now.

MUSIC: "I'm Gonna Love You Just A Little More, Baby" by Barry White

They are dirty towels, Joe.

Oh, very dirty.

Fold the fuck out of you.

Fold that shit.

Naughty little towel.

Wait until I put you in the airing cupboard.

I hate you, Joe Lycett.

Rochelle's team, who from Melvin's team has been

searching for the following in the past week?

NICK READS LIST ALOUD

MELVIN: Arsenal!

So who searched for Porn Hub..

Is that Melvin? ..and elizadoolittle.com this week?

Look how guilty Melvin looks already.

So you went on Porn Hub before you went on Eliza Doolittle?

What's 8890? I've no idea.

Is it your pin number, Mel?

Why would I put my pin number in the internet?

Any ideas who that could be? Let's go Mel. Let's go Mel.

Melvin, they're saying Melvin.

Who from Melvin's team is going to own up that this is

their internet history for the week?

ROCHELLE GASPS Eliza Doolittle!

You've been on Porn Hub?!

Eliza!

To be honest with you, I didn't know it was search histories,

I just thought it was, like, your favourite websites.

I'm glad your favourite websites are Porn Hub and your own website.

Melvin's team, who from Rochelle's team has been

searching for the following in the past week?

NICK READS LIST ALOUD

And that is the most boring internet search history ever.

Which boring bastard from Rochelle's team searched for diet tips?

It's got to be one of the boys because they're all like...

Protein vibes. They have a lot of protein, don't they, then?

I reckon, yeah, it's got to be a McFly.

It sounds like their tour bus rider.

So which one do you think, do you think it's Danny or Harry?

I think it's Harry. You think Harry.

OK, which boring bastard from Rochelle's team does that belong to?

Would someone like to own up? It's Danny!

So, Danny...

Danny, that is boring, but while we're on it, do share

do you have any low-calorie dessert recipes?

Um... Boring.

Next one is for Rochelle's team who from Melvin's team has been

searching for the following in the past week?

NICK READS LIST ALOUD

Was the vegan so weak that they can't spell properly

The person struggled with motorhome, went for camper van,

can't spell Winnebago, too hard

Famous gorillas - don't need to Google that, the answer's King Kong.

Vegan cosmetics - I'm sensing a pattern here.

Gorillas are vegan, so this - look at them -

is the internet history of a very high-functioning famous gorilla

who is trying to disguise its appearance using make-up

and body building before escaping in a motorhome

Animals in sexy poses.

A horny gorilla on the run, is what we're looking for.

Tarka dal ingredients.

Who's searched for vegan stuff famous gorillas

and animals in sexy poses this week?

I think it could be Carl.

You are saying Carl is the obsessive gorilla, vegan, sexy animal man

OK, who from Melvin's team is going to own up to this internet history?

Yes. Yes, it's Carl's.

You win a point for your team.

Obviously, we were massively intrigued by animals in sexy poses,

so we did our own search on the internet.

We found these sexy animals.

That is the fittest horse.

The cheekbones on that! There's loads of them.

Look at this one.

What a cock-tease, that one. LAUGHTER

The next one's not even teasing it's really putting it out there.

What a slag!

Oh, that one's fit, but she knows she's fit.

She's like, "You wish."

You still would, though, wouldn't you?

So, Alanna from Cheshire, I've discovered beyond

any reasonable doubt that you are not on your own,

we probably all sweat over internet histories.

Thank you all for playing Grimmy Investigates.

Eliza Doolittle, hello,

apparently you've been sweating over small talk. I hate it. Do you?

Just get straight to the point

And actually, I don't engage in it, I just go, "but,"

and then talk about something else cos it's just...life-wasting.

You did that to me the other day in the street

when I saw Eliza Doolittle frantically walking home,

staring at a box of Grand Theft Auto V,

and then we had to have small talk in the street.

I actually said to you, "Yeah, I do like it around here

"but I hate running into people and always having to talk to them,"

and you went...and she went, "What, like this?"

And I was like, "Yeah." I feel exactly the same way

and I think I'm going to move cos of that.

Carl, is small talk something you like to engage in?

Yeah, I like it cos, again, it's that thing of, like,

if you didn't do that,

what, are you just going to dive straight into a really serious.. ?

Imagine somebody went, "Hi, I'm Eliza,"

and you went, "What d'you think of the banking crisis?"

Time now for Rochelle and Melvin, The Challenges.

Each week, I challenge our team captains to take a small sweat

out onto the streets and into the public's faces.

This week's sweat is about annoying customer service -

when waiters are a little bit over the top or needlessly rude

like, if you were in France or summat.

Danny and Harry, does over-the-top customer service annoy you?

Yeah, it's one of my main sweats.

You know when you get your food

cos there's no loud music and you can hear the person,

"Is everything OK with your food, sir?"

And you say, "Yes, it's fine,

"I'd fucking tell you if it wasn't, go away."

No, I do get that.

It really annoys me and then they're like, "Black pepper...

What I'll do now is... "There you are.

"Do you want a drink, sir? Yeah, please, mate. OK."

Yep, that is very much... And it's that awkward moment.

It's like, what do you do there And they're there for ages.

It's like Morecambe and Wise.

Well, I sent Melvin and Rochelle to find out what would happen

if they became those over-the-top waiters for the day.

This is Rochelle and Melvin, The Challenges.

I'm not scared of silly old Rochelle. She's a girl.

D'you find him annoying?

He's quite small, as well.

Small and annoying.

OK, task number one.

"You are the worst waiter in the world.

"Take as long as you can to get the table's order right." Simple.

Hi, can we start with drinks?

Sorry? Some drinks?

Are you guys ready to order?

The special is tagliatelle with roasted aubergine

and it says it comes with peas

How many peas, roughly, would you like?

You're having a laugh?

I'm dyslexic, could you spell potatoes for me?

P-O-T-A-T-O-E-S.

Some people ask for two portions of peas.

OK, fine.

Lots of peas.

Do you have a preference of plates you want it to be served in,

whether it is a round or square plate?

Porcelain or a china plate?

He is telling me there might not be peas. Wait one second.

You could be related to me.

Usually they do 90 peas.

Task two.

"Now that you've got their order, interrupt their meal as many

"times as you can."

Do you want any starters?

I just wanted to double-check.

How do you want your chicken, rare? No. Really well-cooked.

Really well-cooked.

Where are you guys from?

Would you like any water for the table?

Excuse me, sir, you have a call from Sarah. She asked to be discreet.

Do you have anywhere that's good to get a drink round here?

Would you like some pepper?

Some salt?

Fresh chilli?

Sorry, embarrassed-looking. Sorry!

Have you seen Inception yet?

The ending on that is mind-blowing.

CHATTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH

We'll come here again.

Where are you guys from?

Is everything OK, gents?

Would you like the pudding menu

Are you happy with the knives and forks?

I'm sorry about that.

I wanted to apologise for earlier on.

Task number three. Oh, man.

"You've been a terrible waiter but you still need to get paid

"Give them your best sob story to get the best tip." I will give it a go.

Do you want to leave a tip on here? Service isn't included.

There is the bill, guys. Just so you know,

my dog's having an operation next week.

Just bear that in mind.

I've got to pay cash for it.

In terms of the tip, bear that in mind. It's a heart operation.

It's quite rare.

Thank you very much. OK!

Oh, God. Stick a fiver on there Thank you.

AUDIENCE CHEERS

Rochelle's team win the challenge!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done, Rochelle. You won that.

Melvin, you slipped into the character of an incompetent buffoon with ease.

Eliza Doolittle. Yes?

Are you a person who gets wound up with things?

You have a new album.

When you go to the studio,

do you stress over it or do you do any old shit?

Making the album just comes like puke, it just comes out.

You heard it here first, it's like puke. I have it here

I have a copy of the Eliza Doolittle album.

Eliza Doolittle put this through my front door.

Yep.

A bit creepy, literally through the front door.

At least it wasn't a petrol bomb. No!

Danny, you have been sweating about rude people. Yeah.

What kind of rude people have been worrying you, Danny from McFly

It's just when you open the door for somebody and they walk past you

and you just... What's the point? Were they meant to thank you?

Yeah, it's awful, innit? Yeah, it is bad.

I actually did something the other day which I thought

was like a myth, a fairy tale, which was, I was walking to the park

and an old lady said, "Excuse me, dear, will you cross me

"over the road?" I was like, "Is that a real thing?"

So I helped her across the road and she was like, "Too fast!"

I was like, "Well, actually, I'm late for work, so..."

And then she's like, "You're gripping too tight.

My mum would like to thank you

It's definitely worse in the car cos you can't really say anything

and you're screaming in this box where nobody can hear you.

If somebody tailgates me, I will go just a bit slower

so that it's like just under the speed limit to annoy them

and then put the wipers on on the back of the car

and then just lean out and go, "I'm crying, you're hurting me.

Let's move on to the next round

It is time for the return of the Sweat Box,

where you get to help members of this very audience.

They are going to tell you what they've been sweating about

recently and you must do your best to help them out with some advice.

Whichever team they decide has given them

the most help will get the point.

Who is first in the Sweat Box tonight?

Hiya, I'm Rob. Hi, Rob, what's your issue?

When you go out to a club with a group of people,

and you're all there dancing, having a good time and you have a pact

and every one of them pulls and you are there on your own.

I need a game plan so I don't look like Billy No-Mates in the middle.

So all your mates pull and you don't? Yeah.

Just pull anyone.

Great advice, Rochelle(!)

Sorry, that's... From a mother

Joe, have you got any good advice?

Are you a heterosexual or a homosexual?

Your gaydar must be pretty off if you have to ask me.

So you're gay? Yeah.

What's your patter like? My patter?

Your chat.

What's your chat like?

Why are you so angry, Rob? I'm not angry.

"I'M NOT ANGRY!"

Joe's coming for you.

CHEERING

Budge up, budge up. Do you want to sit down?

We'll share the seat. That's what I said, did you want to sit down?

Right.

I see the problem.

If you were a bit nicer... I'll be nicer to you, I'm sorry

Maybe if you weren't so shouty it would be all right.

We should try for you to chat up Grimmy.

Cos you do look a bit like Harry Styles, so it would work

Get on with this, Joe.

And I look a bit like Niall, "Hello there!"

LAUGHTER What's your opening line, then

That's what I'm asking. What would be an opening line?

Go, "Oh, God, that's Nick Grimshaw off of radio and television."

I can't say that to ANYONE I go to the club with!

It's bizarre enough that they would be, like, "Sorry, what?"

OK, maybe just go..."Hello!" Like, in a sexy way.

Do your sexiest hello. OK, look

I'm going to pretend that I'm over here having a drink, right?

And then you just say hello in a sexy tone.

THEY SING

AUDIENCE CLAPS A BEAT

HARRY: It's too loud. It's too loud!

We can't do it. Turn it down. We can't hear him, it's too loud.

OK, seriously, I think you should hang out with less-hot friends

Melvin's team, do you have any advice for our pal in the Sweat Box?

I think you should bring your friends down with you.

Go in and before they are about to pull, cock-block them.

Say, "How's your herpes coming on?"

Shit like that.

Yeah, maybe you should have one designated kiss friend, so if, like,

you're both kind of not getting lucky then you can kiss each other.

What happened to friends just actually being

happy for each other when they get off with someone

Even the way he said it, he was like, "Before you go out,

"you make a pact." You have to agree on it.

Let them...

They might meet their future partner, just...

why don't you be happy with them and just get a kebab on your own?

And chill out a bit. Whose advice do you want to take?

They were both pretty awful, but I'm probably going to say Rochelle,

because it's Rochelle. OK.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, who is next in the Sweat Box?

I'm Dan. What is your sweat this evening, Dan?

My sweat, Nick, is cats surprising me when I'm least expecting it.

Dan, you're constantly surprised by cats?

They seem to keep jumping up when I least expect it.

I was waiting in my car with the window down, because it was hot.

A cat suddenly jumped into the car.

I was like, "Stupid cat, you scared me to death, like!"

Dan, are you a real person? LAUGHTER

I wouldn't complain, you're a pussy magnet, obviously.

APPLAUSE

Melvin!

And cats don't like water.

Live under the sea.

What about catfish?

Super Soaker.

OK, that's their advice.

Whose advice do you want to take?

I think Rochelle's team.

Rochelle's team win another point!

OK, who's next in the Sweat Box

Hi, my name is Jess and my sweat is I am 28 years old

and I'm afraid of the dark. Oh, Jess!

Oh, you're really afraid of the dark?

But when it's dark and suddenly you're like... Oh, honestly...

So you'd hate to be...? AUDIENCE: Ooh!

No, don't, I don't like it. ROCHELLE: Boo!

CHEERING

Any advice of what Jess could do? My advice would be put a light on.

Melvin's team, any advice for Jess? Why don't you sleep in the daytime?

Hang on, but then she'd be awake while it was dark, so she'd be. .

Oh, yeah, don't do that. Bad advice.

Sleep with two torches in your eyes like that. Sorted

Whose advice do you want to go for? Please say torches in the eyes

Um... Go for us, cos we haven't got a point yet

Yeah, I'll go for Melvin's team Oh, going for Melvin's team cos Eliza Doolittle said so.

Who's next in the Sweat Box?

Hello, I'm Michelli, I'm from Brazil.

My sweat is, I don't understand why British people

kiss with not much tongue.

Sorry? Like, for me, it is like a little cat drinking the milk, like...

You want lots of tongue?

If you want to be an actress, fair enough, don't put your tongue,

but if you are in a passionate moment,

you need to give it the tongue

Right, OK. OK.

CHEERING

How much do you need, girl? It is not about what I need...

LAUGHTER

I will teach you, not like together, like this.

Why not?

Because you don't like my things LAUGHTER

So...

I think you're changing me.

This is a threesome I could work with.

But don't you think the first kiss isn't really the time or place for a tongue?

The first time you kiss someone maybe at the end of a date,

and you just go straight in with tongue, it'd be a bit like "Whoa there, chill."

It depends on the person, doesn't it?

Michelli clearly just wants it straight in, bang!

No, I would like a romance. And a good tongue.

The guy that gives too much tongue on the first date isn't going

to romance you very well. Yes. I think you need to change

Actually, I think... I don't want to talk out of turn here,

Melvin, do you have any advice

I don't know, but I'm moving to Brazil.

I've got so much time for you. You're wonderful.

I have some really good advice I think you should tongue Melvin.

Sorry, I can't. CHEERING

Melvin's team, do you have any advice?

Is it the same? I'm guessing yes. Exactly the same, yes.

They're both saying, "Tongue Melvin." Whose advice do you want to take?

Rochelle's team. Yay!

Thank you, Sweatboxers!

OK, round five now is a brand-new round called Quickfire Sweats,

apparently what Melvin also calls lovemaking.

In Quickfire Sweats,

the teams will have to pitch a sweat to the audience against the clock.

If they manage to persuade the majority of the audience

that it is truly annoying, they will get a point for their team

Now, the way the audience are going to vote is by using these

All the audience have a blue Grimmy card and a red Grimmy card.

After the sweat is pitched I will ask them

to hold up the annoyed red Grimmy face if they find the sweat

annoying, but to hold up the nice, calm blue Grimmy head if they don't.

Now, before we do this, our lawyers have asked me

to point out that this is in no way similar to the voting system

used on popular North East daytime cooking show, Ready Steady Cook

Cos they had peppers and tomatoes. We've got faces.

It's completely different.

Although, Melvin, you do look a bit Ainsley Harriott.

LAUGHTER

ROCHELLE: That is brilliant!

Melvin's team... Hello. What is your quickfire sweat?

It's about guys over the age of 0 who still ride a skateboard.

Firstly, you're old enough to get a licence.

Grow up, please. Buy a car or a motorbike.

get something cool like a space hopper or something like that.

You never see girls doing stuff like that, you don't see girls skipping to work.

Stop it.

If I was a policeman and I saw a guy over the age of 30 on a skateboard,

I would arrest you, I don't like to see it, stop doing it, please.

OK, let's have a look at one of these guys.

We have an actual guy over the age of 30 skateboarding to illustrate.

Oh, look at him go! Ooh!

Oop, there he goes. Oop, oop! Here he goes.

I mean, what's annoying about that? He looks...dope.

Do you find this annoying, Eliza?

I think I'd quite like it if it was a girl riding a skateboard,

that'd be really cool. That's OK. Like, an older woman. An older lady?

Like Germaine Greer?

Is there anything that annoys you about this, Carl? Yeah, everything.

Everything. HOOTER BLARES

Audience, you have to decide, is this annoying, what do we think?

Melvin's team, you get a point the audience absolutely hate that.

CHEERING

Rochelle's team you have 20 seconds,

what would you like to convince the audience that is annoying?

OK, my annoying sweat is... Oh, God, I can't get it out.

When you can't get things out from desks on panel shows?

No, when summat comes like this and you can't get into it.

Why do they design it so you can't get into it? And you know... Look, help me.

Rochelle, do you want some scissors to help? No. Here you are.

See, see! Exactly! It's so frustrating.

It makes me nervous. It really makes me anxious.

HOOTER BLARES

So, audience, hold up your blue Grimmy face

if you don't find this annoying but hold up red if you do.

So, everybody here finds this annoying.

So, Rochelle, you get a point for your team. Thanks, thank you.

OK, last one is Melvin's team. Yes. Yes.

My sweat is celebrities that are always on holiday, right?

Don't you have a full-time job

you're an actor or a singer or something?

Why are you taking pictures and I hate

I want them to look like mine when I'm really tanned and black.

And that is my sweat.

Celebrities on holiday.

Now, you mentioned this to the Sweat The Small Stuff team,

so I got them to do some research,

where we're going to have a look at Tulisa's year of holidays.

Here she is in Marbella. Here she is in Miami.

Here she is in Ibiza.

And here she is in Skeggy.

Having a whale of a time in Skegness.

HOOTER BLARES But what do the audience think? Does this annoy you?

It's red, isn't it?

Everyone finds that annoying, so you get a point for your team.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's the final round and tonight's winners are...

..Rochelle's team! CHEERING

A big thank you to Rochelle, Joe, Danny

and Harry, Melvin, Carl and Eliza.

This has been Sweat The Small Stuff. I've been Nick Grimshaw.

You've been beautiful. Good night!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd