Episode 1 Sweat the Small Stuff

This programme contains some strong language.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE hello, hi, I'm Nick Grimshaw.

Welcome to a brand-new series of Sweat the Small Stuff, yeah! And

these are the people who are going to be sweating it

these are the people who are going because his new opening highlights

how small he is, is it is Melvyn. And the EastEnders actress who found

out the real reason why Danny Dyer took the job, and the X Factor stud

who is sweating it because he's never seen this many hopeless

wannabes in one room before, it is Matt Richardson. And the team

Captain, a proud new mum who is sweating it because she's been up

all night breast-feeding, it is Rochelle, and a come hike is

sweating it because the last time he was in a line-up like this he ended

up with a criminal record, it is mass murderer Seann Walsh. And his

mum's got the lock on the iPlayer, it is Conor Maynard everybody! Let's

go Sweat the Small Stuff. Hi. Hello. Let's start off by

finding out how our team captains are. Malcolm Odoom, good to see you.

Good to see you Grimmy. Do you like my trousers? I'm worried they make

me look like I'm at the cricket Your mum is gangsta? No, she is

actual gangsta. She is watching in Holloway Prison. Hi mum. Rochelle

welcome to the show. You seemed to have changed since the last series.

You mean I'm not fat? Zarlings you're thin! You lost a baby out of

your body and it's alive and everything? I had a baby girl and

your body and it's alive and she is very good. Is she bigger than

your body and it's alive and Melvyn yet? You know what, she's

about a foot taller. Let's get to know your team-mates this week. We

have Jacqueline Jossa off EastEnders.

APPLAUSE Hi Jacqueline. How are you? I'm good thank you how

are you? You've never done a panel show before? Be nice to you. Melvyn

will be really nice to you I imagine. Melvyn will be helpline

nice. Is there anything about being on EastEnders that makes you sweat

or is it the dream job for you? It's the dream job but you also have to

kiss older men. Eww, kissing. How is that, is it awful? Yeah. No offence

to them, but it's scary. Who've you had to kiss so far? Jamie, who was

Warren on Hollyoaks. Have you kissed Ian Beale? Is he still a tramp? No,

he's not a tramp. Remember when he was a crackhead and he came around

that tree? I thought he was on meth or something. Everybody, Conor

Maynard is here. Welcome to the show Conor. Thank you for having me. It's

awkward because me and Rochelle are racing in the charts right now. She

didn't know we were relesion at the same time and she tweeted about my

single, I love Conor and she deleted it. Seann, do you have a single out?

I didn't even know they still had the charts. You look like the star

of Nickelback over there. What a what a line-up. The closest I would

be was if I was in the line-up in Never Mind the

be was if I was in the line-up in Nicola I want my money back.

APPLAUSE Let's get on with Nicola I want my money back.

it's about something that Melvyn's been sweating about. Pray tell. I'm

not going to Naymars but I have a friend and his girlfriend liked him

to wear her underwear. I don't know if this happens out there, I'm a

freak in the bed room, I'm not going to lie, Jacqueline. By freak in the

bedroom he means circus dwarf. APPLAUSE I think that's a step too

far. Who would want that. I don t get it, it is not for me personally.

You see weird stuff on the internet and I've seen this before. Seann,

can we assume you've done this and move on? Yes. We rounded up some

people on the streets and asked them, you have ever tried on your

partner's clothes. We'll see the person swear on this, the Quiff of

Grimmy. It was a little bit over the top wasn't it? This series we pushed

the boat out. We went around the country and got the public to swear

on this, the Quiff of Grimmy. We went to Swansea and Birmingham and

got the public to swear they looked like the true. You have to decide if

they look like someone who wear their friend's nickers or underwear.

My name's Beth and I swear on the give of Grimmy to tell the whole

truth. Are you ever tried on your partner's clothes? What do you guys

think? I'm going yes at the minute. It's not so bad when girls wear

their boyfriend's clothes. It is when I put my girlfriend's bra on my

head, two big cones. What when I put my girlfriend's bra on my

answer? I'm going to say yes. They are saying yes. Yes. Once or twice.

Do you find it sexy? No, not really. I wanted to see what boxers felt

like. APPLAUSE She wanted to see what

boxer shorts felt like. It is not like a burning desire in your head.

For those of you who haven't done it, it is like wearing shorts.

Melvyn's team, look at this. Hi I'm Steve and swear on the Quiff of

Grimmy to tell the truth. Have you ever tried on your partner's

clothes? Jacqueline and market? Absolutely. He's got murderer eyes

so I suspect he wears his partner's skin. I think he looks cute. I think

he definitely has. What do you think? I think no. I think no. I'm

going for no. They are saying no. Yeah.

Did you find it sexy? No. Weird He hated that question. You can see

he goes from happy to be on telly and furious for being reminded of

his most horrific sexual experience ever. Rochelle's team this, one is

for you. I swear to tell the whole truth on Nick Grimshaw's quiff. Have

you ever tried on your partner's clothes? What do you think? Is he

trying to be a rapper? Does he know that Asap Rocker exists? And does he

know that Del Boy exists. I think if he does he won't admit it with the

camera there. I'm saying no. No I'm not that kinky. I love him.

camera there. I'm saying no. No I'm he should li a little and pop a

thong on, maybe some heels, paints the town red. The next one for you.

Hi, I'm James and I swear on the quiff for you. Hi, I'm James and I

swear on the quiff of Jimmy -- Grimmy I will tell the whole truth.

Are you ever tried on your partner's clothes? I don't think he's ever had

a partner, he's not been tainted by women. I think he is nice and kind.

It is always the quiet ones. You should know Jacqueline. What do you

guys think? AUDIENCE: No. Thank you! They are

saying no. Yes. But find it sexy? Yes. It was, it was nice.

LAUGHTER Naughty James. Thank you to the people of Swansea and Birmingham

for playing the Quiff of Grimmy Bring it up and put it back down it

looks like you know the films where someone escapes jail, they dig a

hole and they come out of the wrong hole? And realised they've gone back

in. Smith! Not here. Ey dig a hole and they come out of the wrong hole?

And realised they've gone back in. Smith! Not here. -- Shit! Not here.

Jacqueline, why have you been sweating about walking in the wrong

direction, what's wrong with you? When you realise you are walking in

the wrong direction, what do you do? Turn around. Not when there's a big

crowd and you know people are watching you. That's quite awkward.

You think, shall I keep on walking and see where I get to? You go all

the way around the country and eventually get there. Seann, does

this worry you? Know what you are talking about. It is one

this worry you? Know what you are to. If you realise you are walking

in the wrong direction you have to go, oh, God, sorry, what am I doing?

One thing you can't react to, don't react to this, it makes it worse,

you are walking past a car and you check your reflection and you

realise, oh, my God, there's someone in there. That is really bad.

APPLAUSE Don't react to that. It is time for Grimmy Investigates.

I'm Kirsty and I'm from Epping in Essex. Most annoying thing that s

been happening this week is everybody calling me by my nickname

Wing not, because my ear keeps popping out like this. It is really

annoying. I like Kirsty. She doesn't look like a wingnut does she? She

does a bit actually. It is uncanny. To show Kirsty from Essex she isn't

on her own, I thought it would be good to find out if you guys had to

sweat over having a nickname. We are doing this in the form of Nick's

Naff Nickname Game, which I hate by the way. Melvyn's team, I have an

envelope for Melvyn's team. Here I have some badges with some nicknames

on which apply to the people in your rival team. All you have to do is go

over and figure out who has had to endure these any more names. For

each one you get right you get a point for your team. Fist

each one you get right you get a is... Noodle. Next up... Surely

Seann. Next, the Girl from Outnumbered. I wonder who that is?

Is. And finally, I don't know who this could apply to, Condom Gaynard.

Time's were tough Rochelle. I think that's Rochelle. Melvyn and your

team, figure out who those names apply to. They have had to endure

those nicknames. Explain why you think these. The Girl from

Outnumbered? Yes, it's Seann. Jack laoengs you've got this for your

team. It looks like the Girl from Outnumbered has a heroin addiction.

You are saying Conor Maynard is Condom Gaynard? And finally... Jack

laoengs we'll find out if g Conor Maynard is Condom Gaynard? And

finally... Jack laoengs we'll find out if you're -- Jacqueline, we ll

find out if you are right. Seann, what's your embarrassing nickname

and how did you get it? My any more name is the Girl from Outnumbered.

People just shout it at me in the streets. Along with Aslan, just

inLee Collins, Jesus and locking tramp, mate.

APPLAUSE Let's see how accurate that nickname is. I don't even know which

one's nickname is. I don't even know which

got the Girl from Outnumbered on the show or Seann Walsh. I have never

even seen her. That's scary. I didn't realise that was true. She's

watching this going, dad? Rochelle, what is your nickname, could you

please reveal? When I was at school I had hair like yours, really curly.

They used to call me Noodle. Let's see how accurate that nickname is.

Here you are with noodle hair. And Conor, please reveal your nickname.

Yeah, it was Condom Gaynard. That is hilarious. Apparently my friend were

good at rhyming and they weren't my friend, but I've been getting weird

things for a long time, because now with fans everyone names their fans

and that kind of thing. Once genuinely this happened, a dad of a

fan came up to me, I think it was at an album sign. He said, is you know

Bieber's fans have Bieber fever your fans should have conditioner

roea. Ow Bieber's fans have Bieber fever, your fans should have

conditioner roea. -- Conor reeia. Last teem you were on you told us

thaw never cook, you have learnt to cook? No, God, no. I'm still

terrible. I still get take aways. Is it just me, but sometimes when your

pizza's delivered you think, can't you just break in? Do you know what

I mean? you just break in? Do you know what

got your iPad you just break in? Do you know what

Sports News and you think, for God sake, if you can hear me, I will

give you an extra two quid if you climb through the window.

APPLAUSE OK, time for Rochelle and Melvyn for the challenges. This is

where our team captains take a small sweat on to the streets and into the

faces of the public. This week's sweat is the annoying things people

do online which you would never do in the real world, unless you were

made to on a panel show. Anything that people do online that annoys

any of you? I hate the statuses that are like, oh my God, I've had the

best news ever. I go, OK, what is it, really, what is it? And they

don't write another one. I do like it when people are drunk drunk on

Facebook. You can tell they are going to be a good one, because you

have to click Read More. The first things I picked was annoying tweets

about nothing, just getting a coffee. People posting albums of

boring stuff like food or their baby or selfies. Sorry. And vague things

like oh, why does everything bad happen to me? Or I had such a

horrible day but don't ask me about it. Ask if you want help. I sent

Rochelle and Melvyn out to find out what would happen if people behaved

in the real world like they do online.

Come on, then. You know you are going to lose today don't you?

Sorry, I thought I could hear someone talking. I really feel like

this is my week. I feel pretty confident you know. Are you doing

something behind my back? No. You are taking annoying online behaviour

offline. Update your status out loud three times when ordering a coffee.

Simples. Smash the ffline. Update your status out loud three times

when ordering a coffee. Simples Smash the gym today # Gun show.

Task two, ask a strange tore look through and like your entire photo

album. What album? Can I just squeeze on there? Sorry. Can I share

my album with you guys. Can I show you my album? Sure. That's like a

half a bigger and and half a pizza. And then he a really nice salad and

there's pasties there. I like to eat. This is my cat. She's doing

yoga. I sit her down and put her in positions. That's when she hurt her

neck. I know, so old, bless her This is my cat on the toilet. I look

neck. I know, so old, bless her like I'm doing a helicopter but I'm

in the back of a car. And like I'm doing a helicopter but I'm

Did you like it? Yeah. And that s it asleep. Do you like it? Yeah, it's

good. Task three. Vagueing. Say out loud one of those vague

attention-seeking updates... And hope a member of the public cares

enough to check if you're OK. This might be hard.

CHEERING Well done to Rochelle and Melvyn on

the challenge. That was pretty amazing. Conor, I believe you have a

brand-new book out? Yes, I do. I've got it right here. Here you go. You

are supposed to stay inside the lines, silly. Not outside the lines.

That's madness. I have got a real book here. I've been reading it but

don't tell me what happens at the end. Let's move on to the next

round. It is time for the return of the sweat box, where you help

members of this audience. They will tell you lot what they've been

sweating about recently and you must do your best to

sweating about recently and you must advice. Whichever team they decide

gave advice. Whichever team they decide

pint. Who is fist? Hi I'm Imogen, my sweat is that I cannot stand the

sound of someone eating a banana. That's like the most silent of

snacks. It is like stealth fruit. Not when they have their mouth open.

How close... And why bananas?? It is the sound that it makes. I hate this

word and it should never be mentioned, but the word moist.

Before I thought I would go around and put a banana under each of your

desks in case you needed some potassium, but now it seems the

perfect opportunity to eat them around Imogen. It has to be silent

though. Imogen? CHEERING Mmmm. Nom-nom. Sorry, I

didn't even get in the shed there. Night was like a journey you think

you would never have. I am just a man that walks up to a shed with a

banana, had a couple of bites and walked back to the chair. On my own.

This is what I did. LAUGHTER

Out of everyone I know, someone said, guess who walked up eaten a

banana and left, I would say, Seann Walsh. Any advice from Melvyn's

team? I don't know what you are talking about. Oh, banana eating.

Why don't you get one of those things that people sleep, with a

banana mask. Get out a pineapple. If someone's eating a pineapple, just

go, wa'gwaan? Why did you have to eat a pineapple

with a West Indian accent? Whose advice are you going to take?

Pineapple. CHEERING Who is next in the sweat

box? Hi, my name is Hussein. My sweat is that I've introduced quite

a few of my friend to each other that didn't know each other and now

they are going on holiday and they didn't invite me. You introduced

your friend? They sound great. Where's the holiday? Apparently it

is Thailand. You don't even know where they are going? They haven't

gone yet? No, they are going. I want an invite. Any advice here? What can

he do about this problem? I could be your friend.

AUDIENCE: Ah. Your new friends Jacqueline and Matt Richardson. This

is how you should decide it. Who would you rather go on holiday to

Thailand with, Melvyn or Rochelle's team? I would bring Caroline Flack.

All of the Saturdays. That would be a lot of fun. One Nicoleshire zinger

equals four Saturdays -- Nicole Scherzinger equals four Saturdays.

Before you decide, wait one second, if you go with our team we'll tell

you what's going to happen on the next episode of EastEnders. Yes

that's good. Christmas. I can tell you what happens at Christmas. I

want to go with you lot. A point for Melvyn's team. That was the final

round and that's the end of the show. Tonight's winners and big best

stressors are... Rochelle's team. CHEERING

A big thank you to Rochelle, Conor, Seann, Melvyn, Matt and Jacqueline.

This has been Sweat the Small Stuff. I've been Nick Grimshaw, you've been

beautiful. Goodnight.