Episode 1 Sweat the Small Stuff


Episode 1

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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Yeah!

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Hello!

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Hi! Hello, I'm Nick Grimshaw,

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welcome to a brand-new series of Sweat The Small Stuff!

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-We are back, baby! Yeah!

-CHEERING

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Hello, welcome.

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This is the panel show all about those little annoyances in life.

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Because life's little annoyances really are worth sweating over.

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This week I've been sweating about celebrity tattoos.

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Justin Bieber has got a brand-new tattoo.

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Here it is, it is on his chest. There he is. Wow!

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Crucifix right between the tits.

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He actually got this done on a plane at 40,000 feet.

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When asked whether it was painful having to put up with

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a little prick at altitude, the tattoo art...

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Let me do that again cos I actually laughed.

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You can't laugh at yourself.

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When asked whether it was more painful having to put up with

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a little prick at altitude,

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the tattoo artist replied that Bieber was just as bad at ground level.

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Yes!

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-APPLAUSE

-First joke of the show!

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Oh, yeah! There we go!

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We're back.

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Also, I'm sweating about a band of giant rats

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that have been spotted in Birmingham,

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and I don't mean band like they hang out in Camden, wear skinny jeans

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and have slept with Alexa Chung - I mean like a pack of rats

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that are the same size as a small cat.

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Officials in Birmingham have said there's no need to panic,

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but experts have said they're the worst thing to come out of Birmingham

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since the Brummie accent.

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Yes!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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It's a personal best. Right, let's get on with the show. We're going to meet the teams.

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First, we have the lovely Rochelle Humes, everybody

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Who is on your team, please, Rochelle?

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We have a very funny comedian, Ed Gamble,

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-and star of The Call Centre, Nev Wilshire.

-Yay!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And we now need to meet who's on

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teeny, little man Melvin O'Doom's team.

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-Melvin is back, everybody. A round of applause for that.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Melvin, who is on your team?

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On my team we've got the very funny Katherine Ryan,

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-and the very beautiful Alexa Chung.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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We're going to find out how our team captains are.

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Rochelle, I've not seen you since the last series. How are you?

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-Very well, how are you?

-I'm very, very good, thank you.

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-And how's the little one?

-He's over there.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Melvin O'Doom, how are you?

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I just want to say congratulations on getting your breakfast show radio nomination.

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-Oh, yeah - that was just me, not you.

-Oh!

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AUDIENCE GROANS

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Nev from The Call Centre, everybody.

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-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hi, Nev.

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Nev is the head of call centre in Swansea.

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And you're known for being a bit of a zany, wacky boss.

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but what kind of boss would you say you are, Nev?

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An all-round hero.

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And last series we saw you having to deal with a girl who'd shat in a bin.

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-Oh, yeah.

-How did you know it was a girl that did it?

-Yeah.

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Unless some bloke had gone in the girls' toilet, it was...

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Why was she shitting in a bin in a toilet?

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Who gets that close and then goes,

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"Oh, fuck it, I'll just shit in the bin"?

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-You'd be surprised.

-Why would you shit in a bin?

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I want whoever that was that shat in Nev's bin to get in touch with me

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-because I want to know why.

-Can you tell me afterwards, please?

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You should be telling me, because I found this in your bin.

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That's... This is from Rochelle's dressing room.

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As you are, Nev, an expert salesmen,

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do you think you could sell me anything?

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-Do you want me to sell you that turd in the bin?

-Yes, please.

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Erm, yeah. Please don't see this as shit in a bin,

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-this is your opportunity for recycling.

-Yes.

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-Where there's muck, there's money, as you're aware.

-Don't touch it, Nev!

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-Stuck in there.

-It's not a prop! It's actual shit!

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Oh, Jesus, Nev! Thank you, Nev, everybody!

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APPLAUSE

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-Alexa Chung, hello, welcome to the show.

-Hi, Nick Grimshaw.

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-It's nice to have you on the television. It is.

-Good to be back.

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Alexa, you've released a book here, it's called It.

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This is Alexa Chung's book.

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-It's basically all about your style inspirations.

-Yes.

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-I've had a look through it.

-It's just pictures, innit?

-Mainly, yeah!

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-It's pictures with some bullet points that I wrote in a hurry.

-Yeah!

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-It's still got way more words than a Katie Price novel.

-That is true.

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It was meant to be a photography book.

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But then they said that they maybe weren't good enough.

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So you had to fill it in with some words?

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-I had to fill it in with some chat, yeah.

-I like that.

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I didn't realise it was called It. I thought it was IT.

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I bought it for my IT department.

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Yeah, they look major!

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They're all in a denim short, like,

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"Hello, would you like loft insulation?"

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We are all going to learn now from Alexa Chung,

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who's well fashionable, what's in and what's out, basically.

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-The little game is called It Or Not It.

-OK.

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So, first up, Alexa Chung, espadrilles - it or not it?

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LAUGHTER

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-I mean, I love an espadrille.

-Yeah?

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-I think they're great but they do make your feet smell weird.

-OK.

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-I think they're it.

-They're it?

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What about backpacks? It or not it?

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The problem is with backpacks, they're incredibly ageing.

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As soon as you put one on and you're not at school, it's just a bit weird.

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What about little baby turtles?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

-They're adorable.

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-Oh, they're so it!

-They're so it.

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Especially on a little sandwich.

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And what about, er...buckets?

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-It or not it?

-I don't know.

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Is Rochelle going to poo in one?

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-That is IT!

-That would be the thing.

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She knows fashion. Alexa Chung, everybody.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Right. Over here we have a wonderful stand-up comedian, Ed Gamble.

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-Hello, welcome to the show, Ed Gamble.

-Thank you for having me.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Now, Ed, it is fair to say that you are...

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-You've got a very nice face.

-WHISTLING

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-Thank you.

-A lovely face.

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You must have been literally sweating because,

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over the past year, you have had quite the transformation.

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You have lost an incredible amount of weight, I've been told.

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-Well, in two years, I lost about 6st.

-6st!

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We have a picture of Ed, which I didn't know was you

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-when I saw this picture.

-Right.

-Wow!

-That's Ed Gamble!

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I love that, "Oh!" That's still me!

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That's still an insult if you go, "Oh, that is disgusting!

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"Thank you so much for sending your thin twin brother!"

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How's it been being a comedian now, now that you're, kind of,

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a pin-up, as well? A bit of a sex symbol?

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I find that difficult in the UK to talk about that on stage, to say, "I've lost a lot of weight,"

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because self-improvement is not something to be applauded in the UK.

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It's so true!

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If I did it in America, people would be going, "Whoo! Yeah, you go, sir!

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"You take control of your life!"

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Say it in England and I get, "Yeah, I bet you were funnier when you were fat, you prick."

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-APPLAUSE

-Can't win.

-It's so true!

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Right, we need to say hello to Katherine Ryan, everybody.

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APPLAUSE

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-And you are from the country of Canada.

-I am.

-But you've lived here for years now - like six years.

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Are the nice things that you found slightly charming at the start

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-now beginning to wear thin?

-No! I love the UK.

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-I have a British...person living with me...

-Who?

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-..that fell out of me. She's my kid.

-Oh, OK.

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You know, I'm very proud to be Canadian but I'm glad I live in the UK.

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Is that something you'd really sweat about in Canada?

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-There's nothing to sweat about in Canada.

-Moose attack? Moose?

-Yeah.

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Or getting your beaver stuffed?

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LAUGHTER

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I enjoy having my beaver stuffed in the UK.

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I mean, I enjoyed it then.

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Nothing is scary unless you're a baby seal in Canada.

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Right, let's get on with the show.

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It's time for the Sweatbox, where you get to actually help

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members of this very audience.

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They'll go into the Sweatbox and tell you what they've been sweating about

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and you must do your best to help them out with some good advice.

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Whichever team they decide has given them

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-the most help will win the point. You get it?

-Got it!

-Get it!

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So who is first in the Sweatbox tonight?

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-Hi, Grimmy, my name's Luke.

-Hi, Luke. What's your sweat?

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My sweat is my mate Elijah Rocks trying to be friends with

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every celebrity he possibly can. He's turned into a nightmare.

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-Like Grimmy?

-I've made a career out of it!

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Yeah, anywhere we go, he'll literally push past little kids,

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he'll interrupt interviews, he'll try and take selfies and post them online.

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-Wow! Who's he met?

-He's met a lot of celebrities.

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-Er, Kelly Brook.

-Yes.

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-Gareth Barry.

-Yes.

-Jermain Defoe.

-Elijah's here.

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Elijah's in the audience.

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Stand up, Elijah. There he is.

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APPLAUSE

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Hi, Elijah. It just so happens, there's loads of celebrities here.

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I've got some over here and I've got some over here.

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-Come and be our friends!

-Come and befriend the panel.

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Show us, Elijah. How do you do it? Go.

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What I'd do is, when they're in the middle of talking, I'll cheekily...

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-ED:

-Is it always when people are talking?

-It has to be cos that's the element of surprise.

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-It's the nice way to do it.

-Also known as rudeness!

-Yeah!

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-You're ambushing always?

-Ambush is a good word.

-It's not a good word!

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But it is THE word.

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So you'll be talking, giving an interview, and I might cheekily come behind you.

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So I'll pretend to be talking. So, er, what are you doing later on? Oh!

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Hello. Smile a bit. That's it.

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Yeah. I mean, it does work!

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It worked right away.

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Have you been arrested before?

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-Not in this country, no.

-I think I love you for this.

-Aw!

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-Why don't we all have a nice picture together?

-Can we do that?

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Yeah, everyone get around. Come on, he's a nice guy.

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APPLAUSE

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-All get in. Are you ready?

-Surprise!

-Surprise!

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That is nice! I'm going to tweet that right now. I'm going to tweet that right now.

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-Yeah, we love you, Elijah.

-What a great guy!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-So, what advice have we got for Luke?

-Luke, I can see what's wrong.

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You are obsessed with taking photos of your friend Elijah next to celebrities.

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You should just tell him how you feel!

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Just say, "Elijah, I want to take a picture of you. Look surprised."

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-I've got a good way of shutting it down.

-Yeah?

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When you see it happening,

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you go over there with a big bag of human hair -

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all different colours, all mixed up -

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and you go up to Elijah and you say, "Have you asked them yet?"

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Anyone would run from that!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Who would you like to award the point to?

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-That is good!

-Er...

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Well, I don't think any of you helped, really.

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I'll have to go with this team, cos that's just going to make me out to be a weirdo.

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Melvin's team get another point.

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-We liked Elijah, didn't we?

-We did.

-Shall we get Elijah in the Sweatbox?

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-I think so.

-Yeah, come on, Elijah!

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Come on! Here y'are, Luke. Do one!

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-Oh, hello. And what is your sweat? Do you have one?

-I do, actually.

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So, Grimmy, lad, I love my girlfriend

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-but I fancy her sister even more.

-What?!

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-AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

-Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Well, basically, if she's watching, you don't have a girlfriend,

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so problem solved! Straight in there.

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-I disagree that this is a bad thing, right?

-What are you talking about?

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No, I've got a logical reason why. This is what you've got to tell your girlfriend

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when she finds out about this. You've got to tell her it's a compliment

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because they're from the same family - they share features.

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You fancy her sister because she reminds you of your girlfriend, right?

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To truly compliment your girlfriend,

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you need a picture of her granny in a bikini above your bed.

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APPLAUSE

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Any advice, Alexa?

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My only advice would be to not come on here and say that!

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-Katherine?

-Well, it's quite common.

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It's known as Pippa Middleton syndrome and, er,

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what you need to do is... There's a clinic near my house.

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If you get 150 quid together, go down there,

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just get yourself neutered.

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Elijah, whose advice are you going to take(?)

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I'm going to have to go for Rochelle's team.

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Thank you, Elijah. Right, who's next in the Sweatbox?

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Hi, everyone. My name is DJ MC Keen

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and my sweat is that I've been for about 15 years rapping

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and I haven't got a record label yet.

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So I would like to ask you, how could you advise me on this issue?

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-OK, you're DJ MC Keen?

-Yes.

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And your sweat is that you're not famous, basically?

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It's not about famous. I want to do a revolution in hip-hop culture.

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-ALEXA: He's a sweating the big stuff, though!

-I know.

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He's very sweaty and serious.

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So we are going to see just how good you are right now.

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This is DJ MC Keen and Busy Lady.

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# Busy, busy

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# Busy, busy lady

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# Busy, busy A busy, busy lady

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# You're running over London Milano, Las Vegas

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# In Cali-California

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# Hurry up, my baby

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# You are a busy, busy A busy, busy lady

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# Busy, busy A busy, busy lady

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# You're running over London Milano, Las Vegas

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# In Cali-California... #

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-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-# Busy lady, b-b-busy! #

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SHE'S not busy, cos she's just on the Southbank, like,

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-"I've got me hot pants on!"

-I love that, by the way.

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# Busy, busy Busy, busy lady. #

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I'm, like, not into rap too much cos I think sometimes it can be

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-a bit misogynistic.

-Mm.

-But that's lovely, cos it's about a busy lady.

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She's got a job. She's got a job, she's looking after her kids.

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She's good with admin. It's about a lady who's good with admin.

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She's busy, busy - very, very busy -

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but their sense is that she doesn't respect... LAUGHTER

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Do you have any advice, this team over here, what he could do?

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DJ MC Keen, this is the feminist anthem of the summer. I love it.

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I think you should tap into this market.

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'Pon de school run - you know what I'm saying?

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-Who do you want to be like? Tupac?

-Let me... Let me point out something.

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OK. Go on.

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You live in a world where every rapper speaks about drugs and guns.

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I want to do something different.

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Nietzche said, "If you want to do something different,

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"you open yourself the doors of madness."

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Fantastic. Change your name.

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LAUGHTER

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Keeno?

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APPLAUSE

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This is your chance to perform in front of the UK's favourite breakfast show DJ...

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and Grimmy.

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Grab yourself a microphone and perform for all of us.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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DJ MC Keen, yes!

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Thank you! Yeah, I'm ready.

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Ladies and gentlemen, DJ MC Keen with Busy Lady.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# Ba-ba-ba-ba

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# Ba-ba ba-ba-ba

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# Ba-ba busy lady

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# Hey! Busy, busy Busy lady

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# Please, listen to me for the first time in your life

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I am DJ MC Keen and you are

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# Yes, you are

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# A busy, busy

0:16:090:16:10

# A busy, busy lady

0:16:100:16:12

# You are a busy, busy

0:16:120:16:14

# Busy, busy lady

0:16:140:16:15

# Busy, busy A busy, busy lady

0:16:150:16:17

# Running over London, Milano, Las Vegas

0:16:170:16:19

# In Cali-California Hurry up, my baby

0:16:190:16:21

# You are a busy, busy

0:16:210:16:23

# A busy, busy lady

0:16:230:16:24

# Busy, busy A busy, busy lady

0:16:240:16:26

# Running over London, Milano, Las Vegas

0:16:260:16:28

# In Cali-California Hurry up, my baby. #

0:16:280:16:31

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:16:310:16:33

Thank you very much.

0:16:330:16:35

Yeah!

0:16:380:16:40

I love Busy... Busy lady!

0:16:400:16:42

Rochelle, do you think that could be a number-one hit?

0:16:420:16:45

-# Busy, busy, busy, busy... #

-Maybe for the Saturdays! Not that busy, though!

0:16:450:16:49

No!

0:16:490:16:51

I think that me and Grimmy should be, like,

0:16:510:16:54

what do they call them - vide-hos? When they're, like...

0:16:540:16:57

I think they prefer to be called dancers.

0:16:580:17:00

LAUGHTER

0:17:000:17:02

APPLAUSE

0:17:020:17:03

-Any advice over here?

-Well, to perform, which he just did.

0:17:050:17:08

He took the advice so we win.

0:17:080:17:10

OK. Who do you want to give the point to?

0:17:100:17:12

-I think the guys over there.

-Melvin's team.

0:17:120:17:15

APPLAUSE

0:17:150:17:16

That is the end of the round. Thank you, Sweatbox.

0:17:180:17:20

CHEERING

0:17:200:17:22

-Nev, why have you been sweating about sushi?

-Oh, sushi.

0:17:250:17:30

-Yeah.

-It's... You know how downtrodden and under the thumb I am.

0:17:300:17:33

-Yes.

-She's taking me out for sushi now.

0:17:330:17:36

She's gone into loving sushi and I can't stand it.

0:17:360:17:39

So we went to the London Palladium the other day

0:17:390:17:42

and beforehand there was this restaurant opposite.

0:17:420:17:45

We had two little bits of rice with fish in the middle.

0:17:450:17:48

That's sushi, Nev.

0:17:480:17:49

LAUGHTER

0:17:490:17:51

-150 quid.

-No!

-Where's the rest of it? Where's my chips?

0:17:510:17:55

-I can't imagine sushi in Swansea is big.

-No.

0:17:570:18:00

It's like a tuna baguette, sushi.

0:18:000:18:03

-Are you a taramasalata man?

-A what?

0:18:030:18:06

I know it's not sushi and I don't care about the answer but

0:18:060:18:09

I just want you to say taramasalata.

0:18:090:18:11

-Taramasalata.

-Oh, yeah.

0:18:110:18:14

Right, it's time now for Rochelle and Melvin: The Challenges.

0:18:140:18:18

This is where each week I challenge our team captains to take

0:18:180:18:21

a small sweat out into the streets and into the public's faces.

0:18:210:18:24

This week's sweat is about those annoying job interviews where

0:18:240:18:27

everything just seems to go wrong and the interviewers are...

0:18:270:18:30

They're just dicks, basically.

0:18:300:18:32

We've all had those horrible interviews.

0:18:320:18:34

We have seen some stories in the papers recently. Check this one out.

0:18:340:18:38

You must interview a lot of people,

0:18:450:18:47

Nev, cos you are the CEO of the call centre.

0:18:470:18:50

Have you ever made them do a Brent dance?

0:18:500:18:52

-No, I have had somebody sing, "I'm a little teapot short and stout."

-No.

0:18:520:18:56

That's what I'm talking about. You're exactly the problem.

0:18:560:18:59

What I've done is set up some job interviews up for people to

0:18:590:19:03

be Rochelle and Melvin's assistants on this show to find out just

0:19:030:19:06

what happens when they become the world's most annoying interviewers.

0:19:060:19:10

Let's find out who won in Rochelle and Melvin: The Challenges.

0:19:100:19:14

HE GRUNTS

0:19:170:19:18

I'm a people person. I understand the human brain and how it ticks.

0:19:220:19:26

S Club Juniors, I'm in the band. The Saturdays, I'm in the band.

0:19:290:19:33

I just never really had a bad interview.

0:19:330:19:35

I'm going to get in with my questions and get out.

0:19:350:19:38

Like it's a bank robbery.

0:19:380:19:39

This is a bank robbery of the mind.

0:19:390:19:42

LAUGHTER

0:19:420:19:43

Read your applicant's CV...

0:19:450:19:47

..and try to catch them out three times.

0:19:470:19:49

This is going to be easy.

0:19:490:19:50

Hi.

0:19:530:19:55

-How you doing, bruv?

-How are doing?

-Melvin, man. Are you cool?

0:19:550:19:57

-Yeah, I'm good, thank you.

-Pleasure, pleasure.

0:19:570:20:00

Me and the other guys insist on meeting everyone now

0:20:000:20:02

cos we've had a few problems with runners and stuff in the past.

0:20:020:20:05

It says here that your best attribute is making people laugh.

0:20:050:20:09

-OK.

-Go on, then.

-Do you like sort of like jokes or...?

-Yeah.

0:20:090:20:15

-What's your best joke? That's cool.

-Oh, God.

0:20:150:20:18

-I see that you've been in musicals, which is fun.

-I have.

-I love Grease.

0:20:180:20:23

Yeah, Grease was a good one.

0:20:230:20:24

# One, two, three, four, happy days

0:20:240:20:27

# Wednesday, Thursday, happy days. #

0:20:270:20:29

It was great.

0:20:290:20:30

Happy Days wasn't actually in Grease. That was a test.

0:20:300:20:33

-I meant the song.

-Oh, OK.

0:20:330:20:35

-It wasn't in Grease.

-No, I know that.

-OK, fine.

0:20:350:20:37

What's the last funny thing that happened to you?

0:20:370:20:40

Well, I fell down the stairs. It's not really that funny, though.

0:20:400:20:43

-Did you have to go to hospital?

-No.

-OK, that's not funny, then.

0:20:430:20:46

-Says you here you speak French.

-Yeah.

0:20:480:20:50

Hola, me llamo Rochelle.

0:20:500:20:52

Ah, bonjour. Ca va?

0:20:520:20:54

I was speaking Spanish.

0:20:540:20:55

LAUGHTER

0:20:550:20:57

-No?

-Just a test.

0:20:570:20:59

What font did you use on this CV?

0:20:590:21:01

It must have been...

0:21:010:21:03

-Do you not know?

-Garamond.

-What size is it? Did you write this?

0:21:030:21:09

-Yeah, I wrote that. It's 12.

-Are you sure it's 12?

0:21:090:21:12

-Cos it looks like 13, 14.

-11 is the small bit and 12 is the bigger bit.

0:21:120:21:18

OK, I'll believe you this time.

0:21:180:21:19

Another thing on your CV.

0:21:190:21:20

It says you are a fast learner. Can you repeat these?

0:21:200:21:23

15, 18, 92, 67, 87, 77, 17, 7.

0:21:230:21:27

57, 92, 87, 97, 16, 7.

0:21:270:21:30

-Nearly.

-Right?

0:21:300:21:32

Are there any other falsities in your CV or just that one?

0:21:320:21:36

That was not a false...falsity.

0:21:360:21:38

During the interview,

0:21:420:21:43

become obviously disinterested in the applicant.

0:21:430:21:46

To win a point they must question your actions. Nice.

0:21:460:21:51

So, Chris, tell me a bit about yourself.

0:21:530:21:55

I have an identical twin brother.

0:21:550:21:57

We sing together all the time.

0:21:570:21:59

-What's your story?

-I always had a passion for TV.

0:21:590:22:04

I always grabbed my dad's camera, messing around with it.

0:22:040:22:07

None of that offended me.

0:22:070:22:08

What I did, actually, I'm not going to lie to you...

0:22:080:22:11

It just sort of made me stronger.

0:22:110:22:13

I used to go to loads of productions in the Southbank. Southbank and BBC.

0:22:130:22:19

From the age of 13, 14, we've been working for a production company.

0:22:190:22:26

I always had a massive passion for photography and film and TV.

0:22:260:22:31

I do stuff at home.

0:22:310:22:33

-Are you all right?

-Sorry, carry on.

0:22:340:22:37

-Are you sure? I can wait until you're finished.

-Carry on.

0:22:370:22:40

That's what I want to do. I love TV.

0:22:400:22:42

LAUGHTER

0:22:450:22:48

Is that it?

0:22:480:22:49

Ask your applicant to agree...

0:22:530:22:55

..to as many unreasonable demands as you can. Piece of cake.

0:22:550:22:58

This isn't like a normal 9 to 5 job.

0:23:000:23:02

I want to make sure people I'm working with,

0:23:020:23:04

-we're on the same page.

-I'm happy to do anything, yeah.

0:23:040:23:06

-How do you feel about dry-cleaning?

-Dry-cleaning.

0:23:060:23:09

-Would you be cool to drop it off and stuff like that?

-Yeah.

0:23:090:23:12

Every Tuesday, I tell my husband I'm here and I'm not.

0:23:120:23:15

-Where are you?

-Well...

-I'm not happy to do that.

0:23:150:23:18

-You're not happy to?

-No, sorry.

0:23:180:23:20

I'm seeing eight girls at the moment.

0:23:200:23:22

Would you be able to keep track of them

0:23:220:23:24

with an Excel spreadsheet or anything like that?

0:23:240:23:27

I can schedule it all for you to make sure that you're appreciating them

0:23:270:23:30

in the right proportion.

0:23:300:23:32

On a Saturday, he hosts The Voice, which I actually don't like.

0:23:330:23:37

I'm not sure if you watch it but if you could,

0:23:370:23:39

just ten highlights or something, e-mail them to me straight after.

0:23:390:23:43

OK.

0:23:430:23:45

-Would you be able to organise restraining orders?

-Yeah.

0:23:450:23:49

-Do you know how to kill and pluck a chicken?

-Erm...

-You can learn.

0:23:490:23:54

It's on YouTube.

0:23:540:23:55

-Are you cool to learn?

-Er...

0:23:550:23:58

Yeah.

0:23:580:24:00

A few years ago I met this beautiful woman

0:24:000:24:03

and found that she used to be a man.

0:24:030:24:05

I need someone who will be able to check before I pass on a number.

0:24:050:24:09

-Just touch of the bulge and double-check?

-I'm being serious.

0:24:090:24:13

I'll have to just pretend I dropped something and, like, "Oh, God."

0:24:130:24:18

-Are you cool to do that?

-Yeah.

0:24:180:24:20

APPLAUSE

0:24:200:24:22

CHEERING

0:24:220:24:24

So good.

0:24:260:24:28

Rochelle, you win a point for your team.

0:24:280:24:31

CHEERING

0:24:310:24:33

Don't worry if you're watching this at home and panicking, because they

0:24:350:24:39

did actually get a real interview afterwards to work on the show.

0:24:390:24:43

Well done, Rochelle and Melvin, everybody.

0:24:430:24:46

-And Alexa Chung.

-Yeah?

-Why have we been sweating about Facebook posts?

0:24:480:24:52

So, I'm of an age now where a lot of people I know have been having

0:24:520:24:55

babies and that's so nice and lovely and I completely condone it.

0:24:550:25:00

Well done, everyone.

0:25:000:25:01

But I don't like when I then send said baby a gift

0:25:010:25:05

and they'll write on the Facebook as if the baby is writing to me

0:25:050:25:09

and they'll say,

0:25:090:25:11

"Thanks, Auntie Alexa, I'm really enjoying my de-de-deh.

0:25:110:25:13

"My mummy says that de-de-deh." As if they're the baby.

0:25:130:25:17

The baby can't write. The baby doesn't know I'm alive.

0:25:170:25:19

The baby doesn't fucking like the clothes. The jig is up.

0:25:190:25:24

LAUGHTER

0:25:240:25:26

OK, it's time for Quick Fire Sweats.

0:25:260:25:28

In Quick Fire Sweats,

0:25:300:25:31

the teams will have to pitch a sweat to the audience against the clock.

0:25:310:25:35

If they manage to persuade the majority of the audience

0:25:350:25:38

that it is truly annoying, they get a point for their team.

0:25:380:25:41

Rochelle's team, you're going to go first.

0:25:410:25:43

Would you like to pitch against the clock, Ed Gamble?

0:25:430:25:46

I would, thank you.

0:25:460:25:47

Around where I live, in my local area, there's a lot of adults who

0:25:470:25:50

insist on transporting themselves to the shops on children's scooters.

0:25:500:25:54

I do not think this is acceptable

0:25:540:25:56

and do not see how you think you can be taken seriously as an adult.

0:25:560:25:59

You may as well ride round on a fucking space hopper,

0:25:590:26:01

as far as I'm concerned.

0:26:010:26:03

A woman bumped into me and said, "Excuse me, I'm late for a meeting."

0:26:030:26:06

I turned round and she was on a child's scooter.

0:26:060:26:08

I don't know what meeting she's going to where

0:26:080:26:10

she thinks she's going to be taken seriously.

0:26:100:26:12

"Do that, do that, get the finances together." And then just ride off

0:26:120:26:15

on one of these things just, "See you later guys!"

0:26:150:26:20

KLAXON

0:26:200:26:21

Having said that, I've never been on one before and I now see the appeal.

0:26:220:26:26

Audience, what do we think?

0:26:280:26:29

Hold up your red one if you agree that is annoying or blue one

0:26:290:26:32

if you're like, "Do you know what? It's all right. I'm not bothered."

0:26:320:26:36

Definitely red faces. It does annoy the audience as well.

0:26:370:26:40

-So you win a point for your team.

-Yes!

-Well done.

0:26:400:26:42

-Right, Melvin's team, do you have a quick fire sweat?

-Yes.

0:26:450:26:48

Well, summer is coming.

0:26:480:26:49

That's festival season and we know that the girls are going to be

0:26:490:26:53

out in their teeny, tiny, little denim shorts.

0:26:530:26:56

That is a promise of thrush. I can't stand it.

0:26:560:27:02

They sit down in the grass

0:27:020:27:04

and then they stand up on it's like farting confetti all over the place.

0:27:040:27:08

I don't like it.

0:27:080:27:09

If you've been to a festival, you come home

0:27:090:27:11

and deliver a grass baby, then your denim shorts are just too, too short.

0:27:110:27:16

I can see into the future when you bend over.

0:27:160:27:18

KLAXON

0:27:180:27:20

Do very, very short denim shorts which allow

0:27:200:27:23

you to see inside of a person annoy you?

0:27:230:27:25

That's a lot of reds. Mainly men holding up blues.

0:27:270:27:30

LAUGHTER

0:27:300:27:32

Melvin's team, you get a point.

0:27:320:27:35

APPLAUSE

0:27:350:27:36

OK, that is the end of the show. I can reveal that the winners are...

0:27:380:27:44

I can't believe what I'm going to say now.

0:27:450:27:47

I actually can't believe this.

0:27:470:27:49

The winners...

0:27:490:27:51

are...

0:27:510:27:53

Melvin's team.

0:27:530:27:54

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:540:27:57

A big thank you to Rochelle, Ed, Nev, Melvin, Katherine and Alexa.

0:28:030:28:07

This has been Sweat The Small Stuff.

0:28:070:28:09

I've been Nick Grimshaw. You've all been beautiful.

0:28:090:28:12

Good night, everybody.

0:28:120:28:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:130:28:15

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