Episode 2 Sweat the Small Stuff


Episode 2

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Episode 2. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

This programme contains very strong language

0:00:020:00:07

Hello, everyone!

0:00:260:00:27

I'm Nick Grimshaw, welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff!

0:00:270:00:31

-CHEERING

-Yeah!

0:00:310:00:34

This is Sweat The Small Stuff,

0:00:340:00:36

the panel show all about those little annoyances in life.

0:00:360:00:38

Because life's little annoyances really are worth sweating over.

0:00:380:00:42

This week, I've been sweating about Gareth Malone

0:00:420:00:45

being on the show, because...

0:00:450:00:48

APPLAUSE

0:00:480:00:49

I know what Malone is going to do - he's going to try and make me sing.

0:00:490:00:53

And even though I don't want to,

0:00:530:00:55

once you look in Malone's eyes, you can't not sing.

0:00:550:00:58

You WILL sing.

0:00:580:01:00

# I can't live

0:01:000:01:03

# If living is without you... #

0:01:030:01:06

More.

0:01:060:01:07

# I can't give

0:01:070:01:09

# I can't give any more! #

0:01:090:01:12

Go for it!

0:01:120:01:14

-# I can't live...! #

-I think that's fine, thank you.

0:01:140:01:17

He's so persuasive.

0:01:170:01:19

He's like human Rohypnol.

0:01:190:01:20

Right, before we get cracking, let's meet the teams.

0:01:220:01:25

First up, we have the beautiful Rochelle Humes.

0:01:250:01:27

APPLAUSE

0:01:270:01:29

So beautiful!

0:01:290:01:31

Who's on your team, Rochelle?

0:01:310:01:32

On my team, we have the lovely comedian Tom Rosenthal!

0:01:320:01:37

-Yeah!

-APPLAUSE

0:01:370:01:39

And EastEnders' Khali Best!

0:01:390:01:41

APPLAUSE

0:01:410:01:44

-And, next, we turn to Melvin Odoom's team.

-Hello.

0:01:440:01:48

Hello, Melvin Odoom. Who's on your team this evening?

0:01:480:01:51

On my team, I have the very funny Roisin Conaty!

0:01:510:01:55

APPLAUSE

0:01:550:01:57

-And...?

-And singing star Gareth Malone!

0:01:570:02:00

APPLAUSE

0:02:000:02:02

Let's get to know your team-mates this week -

0:02:040:02:06

Khali Best, welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff.

0:02:060:02:08

-You recently won the NTA for best newcomer.

-Yeah!

-That's right.

0:02:080:02:11

That's pretty amazing.

0:02:110:02:12

-That is the National...?

-National Television Award.

0:02:120:02:15

National Television Award! Congratulations, Khali.

0:02:150:02:18

APPLAUSE

0:02:180:02:20

Where is the award, Khali? Where do you keep the award?

0:02:200:02:22

So, what I did is, I took it home to Mum, and Mum lost her mind,

0:02:220:02:25

she was like, "Khali, I can't believe what you just did!"

0:02:250:02:28

Polishes it up, stuck it on her little mantle,

0:02:280:02:31

-and she's just got it now.

-Your mum's nicked it, essentially.

0:02:310:02:34

Effectively, yeah.

0:02:340:02:35

Shout out to Mum, the best newcomer at the NTA.

0:02:350:02:37

-APPLAUSE

-Congratulations.

0:02:370:02:40

You are nominated for the Soap Awards' sexiest male, everybody.

0:02:400:02:45

ALL: Woo!

0:02:450:02:48

The sexiest male. You are up against Danny Dyer.

0:02:480:02:52

Objectively speaking, what have you got that he doesn't?

0:02:520:02:56

Chocolate brown skin, you know what I'm saying?

0:02:560:02:59

Other than that, me and Danny Dyer are exactly the same.

0:02:590:03:02

What about your losing face?

0:03:040:03:06

Cos obviously if you go to award ceremonies,

0:03:060:03:08

if you're up for something, you do have to practise your losing face.

0:03:080:03:11

-I'm just not going to look at anyone.

-No?

0:03:110:03:12

"And the winner is...Danny Dyer!"

0:03:120:03:14

Yeah. What we thought we could do,

0:03:160:03:17

cos there's quite a lot of sexy men in here tonight, right, Rochelle?

0:03:170:03:20

-Oh, yeah!

-Right, Roisin? There's a lot of sexy men.

-Yeah!

0:03:200:03:23

I mean, Roisin can barely control herself tonight.

0:03:230:03:26

I want to see those hands on the desk.

0:03:260:03:28

Well, I want to see who's got the best losing face tonight.

0:03:280:03:32

We polled the audience tonight before you all came and sat here,

0:03:320:03:35

to find out who the sexiest male is on the show tonight.

0:03:350:03:39

And I have the results right here in a gold envelope.

0:03:390:03:44

I can announce that the winner of 2014's sexiest male award

0:03:440:03:50

goes to...

0:03:500:03:52

Oh, my God. Nick Grimshaw!

0:03:520:03:54

-Oh, my God!

-APPLAUSE

0:03:540:03:58

I actually... Oh, my God.

0:04:000:04:03

So many people to thank, the Lord Jesus Christ.

0:04:030:04:06

Um, of course, my parents, the surgeon who helped,

0:04:060:04:09

it really means the world to me.

0:04:090:04:11

Thank you so much.

0:04:110:04:12

So embarrassing, cos I wasn't even nominated.

0:04:120:04:15

Right, Gareth Malone, let me officially welcome you to the show.

0:04:160:04:18

Thank you, Mr Grimshaw.

0:04:180:04:20

Of course, Gareth, you are best known for The Choir,

0:04:220:04:24

that documentary, a wonderful documentary,

0:04:240:04:26

which was such a huge success.

0:04:260:04:28

Do you now, when you watch things like The Big Reunion,

0:04:280:04:31

do you just sort of like vomit into a handkerchief?

0:04:310:04:34

-It's not QUITE what I do.

-No.

0:04:340:04:36

What DO you do?

0:04:360:04:37

Good question. I like to get people who've never sung before singing.

0:04:370:04:41

-Yes.

-And probably that's the same on The Big Reunion, right?

0:04:410:04:44

Do you think you can make ANYONE sing well?

0:04:440:04:47

Well, Auto-Tune is amazing these days.

0:04:470:04:49

What about...?

0:04:490:04:51

I'm sure she doesn't need any help.

0:04:520:04:55

-CLEARS THROAT:

-She does.

0:04:550:04:57

Piss off.

0:04:570:04:58

Roisin Conaty is here, everybody!

0:04:580:05:01

-Hi, Roisin.

-Hello.

0:05:050:05:07

You know, I like you cos you immediately smile when I see you.

0:05:070:05:10

-Aww.

-Yeah, it makes me so happy.

0:05:100:05:12

Why have you been sweating about holidays,

0:05:120:05:15

cos holidays are the best, no?

0:05:150:05:17

They're not. They're a load of old shit.

0:05:170:05:19

What?!

0:05:190:05:20

-Why are they a load of old shit?

-So overrated.

0:05:200:05:23

I always get excited for them.

0:05:230:05:24

Like, "I'm going to go on holiday, I'm going to be happy."

0:05:240:05:26

Then I go on holiday and I get there and it's just me.

0:05:260:05:29

I forget that I'm there.

0:05:290:05:31

Same shitty brain, same shitty thoughts,

0:05:320:05:34

except now I've got a head full of cornrow

0:05:340:05:36

and I've got a Solero.

0:05:360:05:38

It's rubbish.

0:05:400:05:42

I go somewhere quiet and relaxing with no internet signals.

0:05:430:05:47

So, basically, it's like internet rehab and then you go nuts.

0:05:470:05:50

Four days in, you're like,

0:05:500:05:51

"This is my stone, get your own stone."

0:05:510:05:54

Tom Rosenthal is here, everybody.

0:05:550:05:58

Hi.

0:06:020:06:03

You are about to start filming a second series of Plebs?

0:06:030:06:07

-Yeah, tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?

-Yeah.

-Oh, wow, OK.

0:06:070:06:09

Well, we better get on with it.

0:06:090:06:10

For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's a sitcom set in Ancient Rome.

0:06:100:06:14

-Like Khali, you starred alongside Danny Dyer.

-Yes.

0:06:140:06:17

There it is. There's a picture. That is Danny Dyer's bottom.

0:06:170:06:21

Does that look like it's going in his bum?

0:06:210:06:23

So, what are you seeing in that picture?

0:06:240:06:26

Are you actually seeing the real deal, or has he put a sock on it?

0:06:260:06:29

No, yeah, you can see it all.

0:06:290:06:30

Was it like Dickus Massivus, or Dickus Tinius?

0:06:300:06:35

There's a lot of Danny to his Dyer.

0:06:350:06:37

Wow. Dickus Massivus.

0:06:370:06:38

I don't want to be crass, but in a competition

0:06:380:06:40

between mine and his genitalia,

0:06:400:06:42

I finished third.

0:06:420:06:44

Let's get on with the show.

0:06:450:06:46

It's time for the round where we meet members of the public

0:06:460:06:49

and test out a sweat on them.

0:06:490:06:50

This week, we hit the streets with a particular sweat

0:06:500:06:53

that's been getting on Rochelle's nerves.

0:06:530:06:55

What is that sweat, Rochelle Humes?

0:06:550:06:56

So my sweat is, you know when people think

0:06:560:06:59

they look like someone famous and you have to guess who it is?

0:06:590:07:02

I always get, "Guess who I always get told I look like?"

0:07:020:07:05

"Um..."

0:07:050:07:06

Gareth, I've heard you think you look like a celebrity.

0:07:070:07:10

There's a couple, but one in particular. Should I say?

0:07:100:07:12

This makes me feel under pressure, cos I'm like,

0:07:120:07:15

"Shit, who can I mention

0:07:150:07:16

-"that's a really good-looking version of Gareth?"

-LAUGHTER AND GROANING

0:07:160:07:20

Who do you think you look like?

0:07:210:07:23

I used to get people saying I look like Rick Astley quite a lot.

0:07:230:07:26

Rick Astley! Let's have a look.

0:07:260:07:28

Oh, a little bit!

0:07:280:07:30

This is BBC Three - no-one knows who Rick Astley is!

0:07:300:07:33

Everyone's skateboarding in future merch.

0:07:330:07:35

I think you look more like, um,

0:07:370:07:38

-Sue Perkins.

-I get that all the time.

0:07:380:07:41

LAUGHTER

0:07:410:07:43

That's what I'm talking about.

0:07:430:07:45

Yeah, Melvin, you think your doppelganger is

0:07:450:07:49

'90s children's television presenter

0:07:490:07:52

Dave Benson Phillips.

0:07:520:07:54

Here we go.

0:07:540:07:56

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:07:560:07:58

Someone said to me, you look a little bit like

0:08:000:08:04

a black Tom P from TOWIE.

0:08:040:08:06

I was like, "What are you talking about?!" But you look the same!

0:08:060:08:10

Oh, my God.

0:08:100:08:11

-That is scary.

-I'd like to broadcast that image for a full 30 minutes.

0:08:150:08:19

We rounded up some people on the streets and asked them

0:08:200:08:23

which celebrity do you think you look like?

0:08:230:08:26

All you have to do is decide who they genuinely think they look like.

0:08:260:08:30

Now, I let Melvin name this round every week, OK?

0:08:300:08:34

So what have you got for me this week?

0:08:340:08:38

..game.

0:08:420:08:44

It's not great, is it? Every week.

0:08:480:08:49

Melvin's team, you go first. Take a look at the first one, please.

0:08:510:08:54

Hi, I'm Matthew, I'm 18, and my celebrity lookalike is...

0:08:540:08:58

Who do you think Matthew thinks he looks like?

0:08:580:09:02

I think he looks like Ed Sheeran with brown hair.

0:09:020:09:05

He does a little bit, yeah. That's good.

0:09:050:09:07

I've never seen a face so dissimilar to every other face...

0:09:070:09:10

Denzel Washington, because he looks like NO-ONE.

0:09:100:09:13

He looks like a homeless Prince Harry Lego man.

0:09:130:09:17

Yes!

0:09:170:09:18

What are you going to go for, Melvin's team?

0:09:180:09:21

Let's go for Ed Sheeran.

0:09:210:09:23

Ed Sheeran. Let's find out if you're right.

0:09:230:09:25

..and my celebrity lookalike is...

0:09:250:09:28

Harry Styles.

0:09:280:09:30

LAUGHTER

0:09:300:09:31

He genuinely thinks that.

0:09:350:09:37

-Rochelle's team, the next one is for you.

-Oh, no.

0:09:380:09:41

Hi, I'm Rhodri, I'm 35, and the celebrity I think I look like is...

0:09:410:09:48

Who do we think he could be?

0:09:480:09:50

-Ben Fogle.

-Who?

-Ben Fogle.

0:09:500:09:53

He looks WELL posh, like he likes a good game of ruggers.

0:09:530:09:56

His face is pointy. You know in Angry Birds...

0:09:560:09:58

The yellow birds that you press and they go "voom", like that.

0:09:580:10:01

That's what he's doing with his nose.

0:10:010:10:03

The yellow bird from Angry Birds?

0:10:030:10:04

-I'm not sure he's the kind of guy who'd say that.

-No.

0:10:040:10:07

-I think it would be someone posh.

-OK, thank you, Rochelle.

0:10:070:10:12

-Is it someone posh?

-Really good input.

-Who do you want to go for?

0:10:120:10:15

-He just looks like a nice guy.

-Just a nice guy?!

0:10:150:10:18

I think I just look like a nice guy.

0:10:180:10:20

-He does.

-Nicolas Cage.

0:10:200:10:22

Nicolas Cage. OK.

0:10:220:10:25

Let's see if this man thinks

0:10:250:10:27

he looks like Nicolas Cage.

0:10:270:10:29

The celebrity I think I look like is...

0:10:290:10:32

Daniel Craig.

0:10:320:10:34

-Oh...

-I knew he was can say that.

0:10:340:10:36

I knew it'd be Daniel Craig.

0:10:360:10:37

-He does a bit.

-I said that.

-Not so licence to kill.

0:10:370:10:40

Sort of licence to do your end-of-year tax report.

0:10:400:10:44

OK, let's have a look at the next one for you.

0:10:440:10:47

Hi I'm Krishma, I'm 29 years old.

0:10:470:10:49

The celebrity I think I look like is...

0:10:490:10:52

Who does Krishma think she looks like?

0:10:520:10:54

-Kim Kardashian.

-Do you think?

0:10:540:10:56

-Really?

-She's kind of like

0:10:560:10:58

Kim Kardashian before

0:10:580:11:00

she went to the doctor's.

0:11:000:11:02

-I think you might be right there.

-I'm right with Kim.

0:11:050:11:08

I don't think I can top that.

0:11:080:11:09

She looks like Kim Kardashian,

0:11:090:11:10

before Kim Kardashian had a brand-new face.

0:11:100:11:13

-I don't know what she liked before that.

-Like that.

0:11:130:11:16

Um, let's see. Who is it?

0:11:160:11:18

The celebrity I think I look like is...

0:11:180:11:21

Kim Kardashian.

0:11:210:11:22

Yes!

0:11:220:11:24

I guessed well.

0:11:240:11:26

Rochelle's team, this next one to you.

0:11:260:11:29

-Hi, my name is Tom.

-I'm Lauren.

0:11:290:11:31

-TOGETHER:

-And the celebrities we think we look like are...

0:11:310:11:34

-I know who he is already.

-Who?

0:11:340:11:36

-RPatz.

-RPatz.

0:11:360:11:38

And who do you think, Khali, that she is?

0:11:380:11:40

I reckon she...he... I reckon that's Marilyn Manson.

0:11:400:11:43

Marilyn Manson and RPatz.

0:11:430:11:46

And the celebrities we think we look like are...

0:11:470:11:50

-..Robert Pattison...

-..Kristen Stewart.

0:11:510:11:53

-Kristen Stewart.

-Did you see his reaction?

0:11:530:11:57

Less Twilight, more dusk!

0:11:570:11:59

Thank you to the people of Great Britain for playing

0:12:010:12:03

Fairly Famous Faces. Thank you for your faces.

0:12:030:12:06

Khali, you have been sweating about something to do with talking speed.

0:12:090:12:14

Yes, I think for me. People tell me, "Khali, you talk too fast."

0:12:140:12:18

-They say, "what?"

-You see? You see? They tell me

0:12:180:12:20

-that I talk too fast, right.

-Yes.

0:12:200:12:22

I'm like, "All right, cool, I'll try and slow down."

0:12:220:12:24

I try and slow down and I feel weird for slowing down.

0:12:240:12:26

I'm like, "It's not me talking fast, you lot just listen slow.

0:12:260:12:29

"Why don't you listen fast?"

0:12:290:12:31

I quite like it because the faster you speak, the faster

0:12:310:12:34

EastEnders is over and then we can get on with our real lives.

0:12:340:12:38

-Great.

-I'd like to see Dot Cotton doing it really fast.

0:12:380:12:42

"Oh, my God, can't believe it. Get some air..."

0:12:420:12:44

Maybe you should train her up. You should train her up.

0:12:460:12:49

Right, it's time now for Rochelle and Melvin - The Challenges.

0:12:510:12:54

This is where, each week, I challenge our team captains to take

0:12:540:12:57

a small sweat out onto the streets and into the public's face.

0:12:570:13:00

This week's sweat is about those kind of annoying health

0:13:000:13:03

and safety jobsworths who take health and safety to the extreme.

0:13:030:13:07

So I sent Rochelle and Melvin out to find out what would happen

0:13:070:13:09

if they became those really annoying health and safety people.

0:13:090:13:12

How did you find this, Rochelle?

0:13:120:13:14

Like this series, it is so hard.

0:13:140:13:17

It is harder but I did like this particular challenge

0:13:170:13:20

because people kind of respect you.

0:13:200:13:22

-Do people not normally respect you?

-No, they don't.

0:13:220:13:24

Only when he's got a hard hat on.

0:13:240:13:26

Well, let's find out who won in

0:13:260:13:27

Rochelle and Melvin - The Challenges.

0:13:270:13:29

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

0:13:290:13:32

Rochelle is a maverick. She doesn't care about rules.

0:13:380:13:40

-You've seen what she wears.

-I don't have a chance.

0:13:400:13:43

-Melvin's a short, annoying, anal man.

-She doesn't care about you.

0:13:430:13:47

She doesn't care about me.

0:13:470:13:49

If he doesn't win this, he should just call it a day.

0:13:490:13:51

Do you know what I care about? Winning.

0:13:510:13:53

This is a family and I'm Uncle Melvin.

0:13:530:13:55

Come here and suck on my teat.

0:13:550:13:57

"Measure the speed of a pedestrian. Accuse them of speeding."

0:14:000:14:03

"And get them to sign an official document promising not to do it again."

0:14:030:14:08

This is the worst.

0:14:080:14:09

Sir, could you step to the side of the walkway, please?

0:14:120:14:14

I need to have a conversation with you about the speed of your walking.

0:14:140:14:17

Excuse me.

0:14:170:14:18

I have to step you to the side one minute.

0:14:180:14:21

This time last year, we had a head-on collision.

0:14:210:14:23

Two people just walking into each other. Arms and legs everywhere.

0:14:230:14:27

It's showing on my gun that you were walking

0:14:270:14:29

over 14kph, which is really dangerous.

0:14:290:14:32

Because you got long strides, that I can see.

0:14:320:14:34

But long strides kill lives.

0:14:340:14:36

Short strides save lives.

0:14:360:14:38

Basically you will be liable for a fine with the CCTV.

0:14:380:14:41

So I just need to make sure... I know, right, I'm just doing my job.

0:14:410:14:46

You're like the Usain Bolt of walking out there.

0:14:460:14:49

It's not a fucking race, do you know what I mean?

0:14:490:14:52

-Where are you off to?

-I'm just going to get coffee.

0:14:520:14:56

I'm sure they don't need their coffee in such a rush next time.

0:14:580:15:01

Are you Melvin?

0:15:010:15:03

No. No, I've already told you, my name is Fred.

0:15:030:15:06

INDISTINCT

0:15:060:15:08

Thank you. Have a good day.

0:15:100:15:12

Task number two. "Stop shoppers with too many bags. Weigh them.

0:15:170:15:21

"Explain they're too heavy."

0:15:210:15:23

"And if they want to continue shopping,

0:15:230:15:25

"they must use the wheelbarrow provided."

0:15:250:15:28

Excuse me, miss. Can you step to the side for a moment, please?

0:15:280:15:33

We're just checking that people's bags are an OK sort of weight.

0:15:330:15:36

-Do you know how much weight you're carrying in those bags?

-Too much?

0:15:380:15:41

Yes, probably. I've some scales here.

0:15:410:15:43

What we're trying to encourage people to do is

0:15:430:15:45

pop their shopping in a wheelbarrow.

0:15:450:15:47

Osteopaths, chiropractors and even witch doctors support this.

0:15:480:15:53

And if you can't trust a witch doctor, which doctor can you trust?

0:15:530:15:57

I know it seems ridiculous but they're definitely coming back into fashion.

0:15:580:16:02

-Do you want to give it a go?

-I'm OK.

-No?

0:16:020:16:05

Don't you feel more comfortable rather than holding all that weight?

0:16:070:16:11

My grandfather used to carry bags like this every day for 90 years.

0:16:110:16:16

And do you know where he is now? He's dead.

0:16:160:16:19

APPLAUSE

0:16:210:16:23

That was good. You were both pretty incredible there.

0:16:260:16:28

Are you both ceding that's a draw, cos that was a big waste of time?

0:16:280:16:32

-Yes.

-It's a wasted day.

0:16:320:16:34

-Yes, a wasted day.

-Roisin, how do you think they got on?

0:16:340:16:37

It's really hard going up to strangers and being a bell-end.

0:16:370:16:41

You both excelled at it, guys!

0:16:410:16:44

Yes, a round of applause for Rochelle and Melvin.

0:16:440:16:47

APPLAUSE

0:16:470:16:49

Tom, why have you been sweating about Facebook quizzes?

0:16:510:16:55

Things that come up on your Facebook feed like,

0:16:550:16:57

"What minor Harry Potter character are you?"

0:16:570:17:00

"I've got Times New Roman. What font are you?"

0:17:030:17:05

-"What dictator are you?" It's a real one.

-What dictator are you?

0:17:050:17:08

-"What infectious disease are you?"

-What are you?

-"What sex toy you?"

0:17:080:17:12

I'm not Tom Rosenthal. I'm Saddam Hussein Chlamydia Butt Plug.

0:17:120:17:16

Wow! Gareth, why have you been sweating about people putting their

0:17:160:17:19

fingers in their ears? What's wrong with that?

0:17:190:17:21

I'm fine with people with itchy ears. I've no problem with an itchy ear.

0:17:210:17:24

-Thank God.

-But it's when it becomes sort of unseemly

0:17:240:17:29

and almost like a kind of self-pleasuring.

0:17:290:17:32

You know, when it's kind of like that

0:17:320:17:34

-and they're talking to you and looking you in the eye and going...

-Oh, yeah.

0:17:340:17:37

Look at that.

0:17:400:17:41

-Oh...

-Oh, I don't do that, but I do that.

0:17:430:17:45

We all have quick scratch but there's no...

0:17:450:17:47

There are limits. There are limits.

0:17:470:17:49

My mum said that ear masturbation'll make you go deaf.

0:17:490:17:52

The thing is, if you go deep enough, you can get an eargasm. You get it?

0:17:530:17:58

You said it's like masturbation, so I put the word "ear" into it.

0:17:580:18:02

That is good. A point for your team.

0:18:020:18:05

OK, let's move on to the next round. It is time for the Sweatbox,

0:18:050:18:08

where you get to help actual members of this actual audience.

0:18:080:18:12

They will tell you what they've been sweating about recently

0:18:120:18:15

and you must do your best to help them out with some nice advice.

0:18:150:18:18

Whichever team they decide has given them the best advice,

0:18:180:18:21

we will give a point to.

0:18:210:18:22

Who is first in Sweatbox tonight?

0:18:220:18:25

Hi, my name is Calum and, basically, my sweat is my gaydar is off.

0:18:250:18:30

I was out for a meal with some friends last week and I couldn't tell

0:18:300:18:34

if the waiter was into me or if he was just doing his job.

0:18:340:18:38

LAUGHTER

0:18:380:18:41

How off are you? Like your gaydar?

0:18:410:18:43

Do you ever watch Splash! and you're like, "Oh, my God, that Tom Daley is..."

0:18:430:18:47

-So butch.

-"..loves the women,"

0:18:470:18:49

"loves them.

0:18:490:18:51

"He loves tits."?

0:18:510:18:54

Before you give advice, let's put this to the test and find out

0:18:550:18:58

if your gaydar really is off.

0:18:580:19:00

Do you think, look at this panel, look at this panel,

0:19:000:19:04

do you think that anyone is gay on here?

0:19:040:19:07

Gareth?

0:19:070:19:09

Gay or nay?

0:19:090:19:10

-Yay.

-Gareth?

-His gaydar is off.

0:19:100:19:14

Not gay. What about any of these people over here?

0:19:140:19:17

-No. I wish, but no.

-No. Ooh, who do you wish?

0:19:170:19:21

I kind of wish Rochelle was a man.

0:19:210:19:23

LAUGHTER

0:19:230:19:25

What are we going to do? We're going to test some of the audience.

0:19:320:19:35

Before the show, I asked the audience

0:19:350:19:38

if there was anyone in here up for playing a game of Gay Or Nay.

0:19:380:19:42

So, will those people who were ready to play the three homosexuals

0:19:420:19:46

or heterosexuals, who knows, come down to the studio floor, please.

0:19:460:19:50

# Hallelujah, it's raining men... #

0:19:530:19:55

OK, here we go.

0:19:580:20:00

Calum, one by one you have to say whether you think these

0:20:000:20:03

members of our lovely audience are either gay or nay.

0:20:030:20:07

Let's start with Lee. Gay or nay?

0:20:070:20:09

Right. Gay.

0:20:090:20:13

-I am gay, yeah.

-He is gay!

0:20:130:20:15

Gay.

0:20:150:20:19

OK, next up, we have Simon. Gay or nay?

0:20:190:20:24

Nay.

0:20:240:20:26

-Simon?

-I'm gay for Lee.

0:20:260:20:27

He's my boyfriend.

0:20:270:20:29

Oh! Gay.

0:20:290:20:31

Finally, Jake. Gay or nay?

0:20:310:20:36

-Er, gay.

-Nay, I'm not.

0:20:360:20:39

Nay! Boo!

0:20:390:20:41

-Boo.

-I'm sorry, I love women.

0:20:410:20:44

Boo.

0:20:440:20:46

Thank you all for playing Gay Or Nay.

0:20:460:20:49

# It's raining men, hallelujah

0:20:490:20:51

# It's raining men... #

0:20:510:20:54

Right, teams, what should Calum and his broken gaydar do?

0:20:540:20:58

Have you tried turning it on and off again?

0:20:580:21:01

There's no troubleshoot, there's no reboot, so...

0:21:010:21:05

You need to develop a special wink, that's my tip.

0:21:050:21:08

So let's see the special Malone wink.

0:21:080:21:10

-GARETH MOUTHS

-Oh, wow. So if Malone does the wink to you, that means he is...

0:21:100:21:15

LAUGHTER

0:21:150:21:17

What advice would you give over here?

0:21:170:21:19

I would just ask more questions maybe.

0:21:190:21:23

The first one, "Are you gay?"

0:21:230:21:24

That's where you start. But just slip it in there so...

0:21:240:21:29

Don't slip it in there.

0:21:290:21:30

ROCHELLE SQUEALS

0:21:300:21:31

Rochelle, that's terrible advice. I mean...

0:21:310:21:35

When you're in the restaurant ordering your food, and he's like,

0:21:380:21:41

"Can I get you anything else?" Just be like,

0:21:410:21:43

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you gay?" Just get it out there straightaway.

0:21:430:21:46

Maybe when you're looking at the menu, go,

0:21:460:21:48

"I don't know what to have. What would a gay eat?"

0:21:480:21:51

And he'll be like, "Sausage."

0:21:550:21:57

And whose advice are you going to go for?

0:21:590:22:01

-I think I'm going to have to go with Rochelle's team.

-Rochelle's team.

0:22:010:22:05

-Thank you.

-You get a point, thank you.

0:22:050:22:09

Thanks, Calum.

0:22:090:22:11

-OK, who's next in the Sweatbox?

-My name is Lucy.

-Hi, Lucy.

0:22:110:22:15

What's your sweat, Lucy?

0:22:150:22:17

My sweat is I have a friend who I love, love, love, love

0:22:170:22:21

but as much as I love her, I won't say she copies my style,

0:22:210:22:25

she tries to copy my style, cos like...

0:22:250:22:28

Ooh, no!

0:22:280:22:30

I'm kind of hard to copy, but, you know?

0:22:300:22:33

I like that it's not copying, it's "trying".

0:22:330:22:36

She's trying to get to this level but it's not working.

0:22:360:22:38

She's essentially a shitty you.

0:22:380:22:40

It's like you can't have... There's no shitty version of me.

0:22:400:22:44

LAUGHTER

0:22:440:22:46

But you can't blame her. I feel like I want to dress like you now.

0:22:460:22:49

I know. But everyone does, babe.

0:22:490:22:51

Any advice for this wonderful woman that I'm fully obsessed with?

0:22:530:22:56

What you do - when you've got, like, a week off, yeah?

0:22:560:22:59

- is dye your hair green and see if she does it.

0:22:590:23:01

If she does it, you'll be like, "I knew you was a hater.

0:23:010:23:04

"A hater from the beginning.

0:23:040:23:05

"Go and dye your hair back, because you can't be me, babes." See what I'm trying to say?

0:23:050:23:09

And that way you'll know.

0:23:090:23:11

-APPLAUSE

-Nice advice.

0:23:110:23:13

And Melvin's team, what advice would you give to this woman

0:23:130:23:17

with this unfortunate problem?

0:23:170:23:19

I'd do that thing where I'd show her in a really petty way.

0:23:190:23:23

You know when you're a kid and you repeat what the person says to you? So say something.

0:23:230:23:27

-Hello.

-Hello.

-What's your name?

-What's your name?

-Where are you from?

-Where are you from?

0:23:270:23:31

That's how I feel when you dress like me!

0:23:310:23:33

I like that one.

0:23:330:23:35

That's brilliant!

0:23:350:23:37

Whose team do you think gave the best advice?

0:23:380:23:43

-I'm going to go here.

-You got a point.

0:23:430:23:47

Yay!

0:23:470:23:49

Thank you, Lucy. Right, who is next in the Sweatbox tonight?

0:23:490:23:53

Hi, my name's Zinar.

0:23:530:23:55

I'm an actor and entrepreneur and my sweat is I've recently become single

0:23:550:24:00

and there's this girl mate of mine I want to ask out,

0:24:000:24:03

but I just don't know how to.

0:24:030:24:05

-Ooh. That is awkward.

-How good a friend, Zinar?

-Really close.

0:24:050:24:10

Oh, wow. This is an issue. Tom, do you have any advice?

0:24:100:24:14

Has this ever happened to you, Tom?

0:24:140:24:16

I've got nothing good to say except stop describing

0:24:160:24:19

yourself as an actor/entrepreneur, that's really not good.

0:24:190:24:22

TOM INDISTINCT

0:24:220:24:24

APPLAUSE

0:24:240:24:26

Let's take a look at the lady in question. This is the lady.

0:24:290:24:31

Wow! Look at that sword!

0:24:310:24:35

-Is she a model?

-Yeah, she's a model. Yeah.

0:24:370:24:40

She doesn't just watch telly like that?

0:24:400:24:42

Ooh, Emmerdale's on, where's my sword?

0:24:420:24:44

It turns out, when we researched this woman,

0:24:470:24:49

it turns out that Melvin Odoom follows this woman on Twitter.

0:24:490:24:53

Oh, my God. Of course he does. Of course he does.

0:24:530:24:56

The worrying thing with Melvin and Twitter when he says that

0:24:560:24:59

he's following you, he actually is LITERALLY following you.

0:24:590:25:03

- How long have you been friends? - For about three years.

0:25:030:25:06

It's not going to happen, mate.

0:25:060:25:08

Having a friend is a good foundation for a relationship.

0:25:100:25:13

You go all-out and get on your knees and you propose to this woman.

0:25:130:25:17

Yes.

0:25:170:25:19

You're a good man. She's a great woman. I know - I've seen her tweets.

0:25:190:25:23

-Excuse me, have you been there?

-No, no, I haven't.

-No.

0:25:230:25:27

-Who are you going for?

-Melvin's team.

0:25:270:25:29

OK, Melvin's team, you win a point.

0:25:290:25:30

Do you know what, Zinar? I am looking forward,

0:25:330:25:36

to knowing whether or not that advice will actually help you.

0:25:360:25:40

I'm looking forward to that in the future. In fact, why wait?

0:25:400:25:43

Let's find out right now. Please welcome Charley Simmonds, everybody!

0:25:430:25:47

CHEERING

0:25:470:25:48

MUSIC: "Gangnam Style" by Psy

0:25:480:25:52

# Ooh, sexy lady... #

0:25:520:25:56

-Hi, Charley Simmonds.

-Hi.

-Where's your bloody sword?

0:25:570:26:00

I left it at home.

0:26:000:26:01

Oh, yeah. It's in the dishwasher.

0:26:010:26:04

Go on, Zinar, you must follow through on the advice that we have given.

0:26:040:26:10

And you have to propose to Charlie.

0:26:100:26:13

-Go on.

-I'll just... Will you go out with me?

0:26:130:26:17

-We'll go on a date and see how it goes.

-Yes!

0:26:180:26:20

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:200:26:23

That's nice.

0:26:250:26:26

But, seriously, if you ever get married, we need to go.

0:26:260:26:29

-We need to be invited to that.

-I'll do the choir.

-Yeah.

0:26:290:26:32

-Be the best wedding ever.

-Roisin will come and get drunk.

0:26:320:26:35

-It'll be brilliant.

-Yes, I will!

0:26:350:26:38

Zinar, why don't you leave through the curtains

0:26:390:26:42

and it'll be like Take Me Out.

0:26:420:26:44

INDISTINCT COMMENTS

0:26:470:26:50

Zinar and Charley, everyone!

0:26:500:26:53

And that was the final round. Thank you, teams.

0:26:560:27:00

Yeah.

0:27:000:27:01

So, it is the end of the show, which means it's time to get tense

0:27:020:27:07

right now in an attempt to make people care about who wins.

0:27:070:27:11

OK, let's just get tense to try and hope people care.

0:27:110:27:15

And, OK, I'm not sure I can do this, I do feel a bit sick.

0:27:150:27:18

So tense.

0:27:180:27:19

Ladies and gentlemen, I can reveal the winners of tonight's show are...

0:27:210:27:27

Be quick. I've been holding his hand for a very, very long time.

0:27:280:27:31

OK, OK, OK, OK.

0:27:310:27:32

The winners tonight are...

0:27:340:27:37

Melvin's team!

0:27:370:27:40

MUSIC: "The Winner Takes It All" by ABBA

0:27:400:27:45

They are the winners.

0:27:450:27:47

So a big thank you to Rochelle, to Tom and Khali, Melvin, Gareth

0:27:470:27:51

and Roisin.

0:27:510:27:52

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-This has been Sweat The Small Stuff.

0:27:520:27:55

I've been Nick Grimshaw. Good night.

0:27:550:27:57

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

0:28:040:28:06

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS