A Library in Action The Archiveologists


A Library in Action

Comedy performers Diane Morgan and Joe Wilkinson delve into the archives to parody a 1970s documentary about Luton Library.


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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Built on a plague pit,

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Luton is predominantly a shit-hole,

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specialising in hat-making and Satanism.

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One thing the 160,000 population doesn't like

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is reading matter.

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This library has over 15 books

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and there are plans to buy seven more.

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Luton Library members are varied.

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Someone who's in here all the time is Alan Bennett.

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Hello, I'm Alan Bennett.

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I'm due a fine on these but I'm buggered if I'm paying it.

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This statue is of the goddess Athena pulling off her grateful

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husband Archivia.

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Back again, Alan?

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Not that it's any of your fucking business.

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Just stamp these, you daft cow.

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The books are then carried along on a conveyor belt into a skip

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just outside the library, where they will be destroyed in a fire.

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In the main hall is the advice and information bureau,

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providing a range of information from everything from train

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timetables to marriage guidance.

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-I couldn't stand the sound of her breathing so I killed her.

-I see.

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Also, what time is the next train to Wapping, please?

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In the main lending room, Pamela plays soothing organ music.

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But no-one asked her to.

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The research room is a hive of people pretending to look busy.

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This couple are secretly screwing.

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Are you up for a meeting later?

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Yeah, whereabouts?

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What about by the bins?

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All right. What about Judy?

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She thinks I'm at my cousin Ted's.

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-HE SIGHS

-The things I'm going to do

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to you later.

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We also have a fleet of mobile libraries,

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all manned by oddballs that serve both the schools

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and the hospitals, as well as the wider community.

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This weirdo is connecting the mains electricity supply

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to the central library.

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This man spends his Saturday afternoons looking at ladies' arses.

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Occasionally, if he sees one he really likes, he'll print it off.

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This man comes here to get away from his loveless marriage.

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-MUTTERING:

-I've ruined my life. I wish I was dead. Ugh.

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HE FARTS Oh, dirty bastard.

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This is only a temporary goodbye,

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as you will surely return to use the facilities that libraries

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have to offer throughout the rest of your lives.

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Goodbye.

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Goodbye. Goodbye.

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Goodbye.

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Goodbye.

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Comedy performers Diane Morgan and Joe Wilkinson delve into the archives to parody a 1970s documentary about Luton Library.


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