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This programme contains some strong language
Built on a plague pit,
Luton is predominantly a shit-hole,
specialising in hat-making and Satanism.
One thing the 160,000 population doesn't like
is reading matter.
This library has over 15 books
and there are plans to buy seven more.
Luton Library members are varied.
Someone who's in here all the time is Alan Bennett.
Hello, I'm Alan Bennett.
I'm due a fine on these but I'm buggered if I'm paying it.
This statue is of the goddess Athena pulling off her grateful
Back again, Alan?
Not that it's any of your fucking business.
Just stamp these, you daft cow.
The books are then carried along on a conveyor belt into a skip
just outside the library, where they will be destroyed in a fire.
In the main hall is the advice and information bureau,
providing a range of information from everything from train
timetables to marriage guidance.
-I couldn't stand the sound of her breathing so I killed her.
Also, what time is the next train to Wapping, please?
In the main lending room, Pamela plays soothing organ music.
But no-one asked her to.
The research room is a hive of people pretending to look busy.
This couple are secretly screwing.
Are you up for a meeting later?
What about by the bins?
All right. What about Judy?
She thinks I'm at my cousin Ted's.
-The things I'm going to do
to you later.
We also have a fleet of mobile libraries,
all manned by oddballs that serve both the schools
and the hospitals, as well as the wider community.
This weirdo is connecting the mains electricity supply
to the central library.
This man spends his Saturday afternoons looking at ladies' arses.
Occasionally, if he sees one he really likes, he'll print it off.
This man comes here to get away from his loveless marriage.
-I've ruined my life. I wish I was dead. Ugh.
HE FARTS Oh, dirty bastard.
This is only a temporary goodbye,
as you will surely return to use the facilities that libraries
have to offer throughout the rest of your lives.