Christmas Special Two Doors Down


Christmas Special

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Transcript


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This programme contains strong language

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# Next year, all our troubles will be out of sight... #

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Your mummy won't be long until she's home.

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Have you got a present for Granny? Have you?

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SHE SNIFFS Oh, I think you have.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-Oh!

-Hi, Eric!

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-You all right, squire?

-Aye!

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Just to say, that's us off!

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Oh, right, very good. Beth! So, what time's your flight?

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BETH!

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Oh, hi, Cathy. Oh, ready for the off, then?

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Oh, yes. Christmas in the Alps, eh, Cathy?

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Chernobyl, here we come.

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-It's Grenoble, Cath, it's Grenoble.

-Oh.

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All the lovely snow and the mountains

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and those big outdoor cafes with the heaters,

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where you can just sit and smoke and smoke and...

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-..smoke.

-What the pair of you two up to, then?

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Oh, we're just having it here.

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Aw, just the two of yous?

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Well, Ian's popping over to drop off presents

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and I think he's bringing that new guy he's seeing with him.

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Oh, no need for the mistletoe -

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they'll still be at the "shagging nonstop" stage.

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Aye. Remember that, Eric, eh?

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Well, they're just dropping by

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and then it'll just be the two of us for dinner.

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You'll not be bothering with a turkey

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-if it's just the two of you, then?

-Turkey crown.

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You've got a turkey crown, Beth?

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Oh, I wish I was staying here now.

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OK, let's go.

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Enjoy yourselves. Have a good time.

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Cheers. Hope Santa's good to you!

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Aye, well, he's given us one good present already!

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CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS ON TV

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DOORBELL RINGS

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What's happened?

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-DOOR CLOSES

-What's going on?

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French bastards, Beth!

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All right, Cath, all right.

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What happened?

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Air traffic control - they've gone on strike.

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-Oh, no.

-They've cancelled the flight.

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No flights in or out of France for the next 48 hours at least.

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Honestly, Beth, I've not been this disappointed

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since my implants had to come out.

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Oh, what a shame.

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I never, ever, want to go to France or have anything to do with

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anything French ever again in my life.

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I've been looking forward to this for ages, haven't I, Col?

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She has, aye. Had all her tache bleached and everything.

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Look, if you've not got anything else planned,

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well, you're welcome to have your Christmas dinner here if you like.

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Sorry?

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Well, if you're not going away and you've got nothing in, then...

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Colin?

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Er...it saves us cooking.

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That's true. Would we not be better getting a table somewhere?

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-It's too late in the day.

-What about the Thai Fountain?

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-I think they're shut Christmas Day.

-Oh.

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The Indian with the paper tablecloths?

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I think they do something for the homeless.

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Sake! There's definitely nowhere else?

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Not that I can think of.

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That would be lovely, Beth.

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Wait a minute. What about Sophie?

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As long as she doesn't sit opposite me, that'll be fine.

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No, I mean how is she going to get back?

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-Oh, God, of course.

-What do you mean?

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Well, she was out with Christine and the wee one at EuroDisney.

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And the flight back was overbooked.

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So she got put on the waiting list for the next flight home.

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Jeezo! Well, any luck, she won't be affected.

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Stuck?! What do you mean, "stuck"?

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Now, you listen here to me. I don't care how they do it...

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If they have to get Donald fucking Duck himself to fly you back,

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you will get here for this wee one's first Christmas.

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BABY CRIES Sh-sh-sh. It's all right,

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it's all right. Everything's fine.

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That be enough for us, will it?

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Well, it says "serves four".

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Aye, four what - mice?

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There's plenty of veg.

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I wonder if Sophie did make it home last night.

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Well, no news is good news. Let's not get involved.

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-Maybe I should go round and check.

-Beth!

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Hi, Christine. Merry Christmas.

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No' for me, it's not. Come in.

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She's just off the phone a minute ago -

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next chance of a flight's tomorrow.

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Oh, no!

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She says the airport's like a refugee camp.

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There's folk peeing in the prayer room, Beth.

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I mean, on Christmas Day itself.

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And poor Madison.

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Oh, she's devastated.

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Is she?

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Oh, aye. She shat in her bath.

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Oh, dear. Well, listen, why don't you come through to ours?

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Oh, no, we'll just have it here, Beth.

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Are you sure? Cathy and Colin are coming and Ian's popping by.

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No, honestly, we'll be fine.

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We can put Madison upstairs and use the monitor

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and then you can have a mince pie and a glass of wine.

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Just give me two ticks, then.

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OK, I'll just get this.

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In you come. I've got her.

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-Right.

-Didnae bother with a wreath, I see, this year, Beth.

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Oh, she's heavy, isn't she?

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Aye. Sophie's breast-feeding her -

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every time she slips that bra down it's like Man Versus Food.

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There you go, you wee honey.

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Christine's going to join us for dinner.

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Aw. I was hoping you'd say that.

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Compliments of the season, Eric.

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You won't know I'm here - I shan't disturb.

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No problem.

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Aw, look at that! I love a real tree.

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# O, Christmas tree

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# O, Christmas tree

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# De-deedle-ee, de-de-de-de. #

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-Do you not find the needles choke up your Hoover, though, Beth?

-Er...

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I'll keep my slippers on, just in case you've missed any.

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I've got the fibre optic tree, Eric, that changes colour.

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Oh, have you?

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Mm-hm. Oh, I cannae put it on the rapid flash, though,

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in case the guinea pig takes another seizure.

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Right, I'd better start getting things into the oven.

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Do you want a drink, Christine?

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Oh, no, not when I've got Madison.

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Aw, the wee soul. She's happy as Larry lying there.

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Aye, so she is.

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Fuck it, then. I'll take a wine.

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-All right?

-Fine.

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That's five of us that's got to feed now.

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It'll be fine. I won't take much.

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What is it you're cooking?

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Turkey crown? Are you not doing a proper turkey?

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-Well, we just thought it would be...

-What veg?

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-Sorry?

-What veg are we getting?

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Er, potatoes, sprouts...

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Are you doing a pig in a blanket?

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-IAN:

-Hi!

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Oh, hi. Come in.

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Merry Christmas.

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Merry Christmas, Mum.

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Aw!

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This is Gordon. Gordon, this is Mum.

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Hello, Mrs Baird. Merry Christmas.

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Ooh! Merry Christmas.

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Ian's told me a lot about you.

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Oh, right. All good, I hope!

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Don't worry - nothing bad.

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Except the story about when you clipped the woman's wing mirror

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in the car park at Sainsbury's and didn't say anything

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and then the police came to the door.

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And about the time you broke wind in the yoga class

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-and everyone was like...

-Why don't we go through?

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That's Ian and Gordon here.

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Oh!

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Hiya, Dad. Merry Christmas.

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Merry Christmas, son.

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-Gordon, this is my Dad.

-Hi Gordon, son.

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Merry Christmas, Mr Baird. Are we doing hugs or...?

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OK, that's fine.

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-All right, Christine. Merry Christmas.

-Mm.

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Christine, this is Gordon.

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Hold on till I get the rest of this pie down me.

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Hello, Gordon.

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Christine stays next door.

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Hello, Christine, merry Christmas. How's your day been so far?

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Oh, a fucking shit show.

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-Oh.

-We were away in EuroDisney and my daughter's stuck out there

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cos she cannae get a flight back.

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Oh, no. Because of the strike?

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No, cos she's been kidnapped by the seven dwarves.

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Aye, because of the strike.

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Here, Beth, Eric tells me that you're no' doing a proper turkey.

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She didnae tell me that

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-when she was dragging me in here, Gordon.

-Well...

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-BABY CRIES

-Aw, there's wee Madison.

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That's my granddaughter, Gordon.

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She's lovely. Aren't they cute at that age?

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She shat in her bath.

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Will I take her upstairs?

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Aw, I don't know, Beth.

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Seems a shame to have her up there on her own.

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We brought you a wee bottle of fizz.

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Well, er, take her up, Beth. Take her away up.

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Aw, thanks very much.

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-Ah, you want a wee drink?

-Aye.

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What do you want?

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Er, just a beer'll do me.

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Gordon?

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Oh, er, something Christmassy.

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A beer in a glass? THEY CHUCKLE

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Have you got any Baileys?

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Oh, I could go one of them as well, Eric.

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You've got your wine.

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Not any more, I don't!

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Could I get a cube of ice in mine?

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It just helps you get the dregs out the bottom of the glass.

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Oh, that's a good idea.

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Here, Eric, I'll have a cube of ice in mine as well.

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PHONE RINGS

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So, Gordon, how come you're not with your own family today, then?

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They're all down in Yorkshire.

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Oh, Yorkshire.

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There was a woman from Yorkshire in front of me

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in the queue for the toilets at EuroDisney.

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Oh, right.

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Mm. She took fucking ages.

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That's her - she's settled now.

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I was just chatting to my wee pal Gordon.

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Here, Beth, do you know that if you put ice cubes into Baileys

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you don't need to stick your finger in to get the rest of it out?

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Right, well, shall we do presents now?

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Cos I know you two can't hang around.

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Actually, I was going to ask if it would be all right

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if we could stay and have our dinner here.

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Oh, I thought you were going to Morven and Lynn's.

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Well, we were but...they cancelled.

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Are you doing a pig in a blanket, Beth?

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Hang on a minute, Christine.

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Well, if you want to, you're more than welcome.

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-Aw, thanks, Mum.

-As long as you're not a fussy eater, Gordon.

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No, no. Well, I'm a vegetarian.

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What's this?

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Ian and Gordon are staying here for their dinner.

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They're... Oh, right, OK.

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SHE HUMS: Jingle Bells

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-# Jingle all the way... #

-GORDON JOINS IN

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BOTH: # Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh

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# Hey!

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# Jingle bells, jingle bells

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# Jingle all the way. #

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You, me, Cathy, Colin,

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Christine, Ian.

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-What about Gordon?

-He won't take any.

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-Why not?

-He's vegetarian.

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Oh, God. So what we going to give him?

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I don't know! Vegetables.

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-Oh!

-Och, it'll be fine - we've got

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the big Christmas pudding and that'll fill everyone up.

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Right, come on, let's do these presents.

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Oh, OK. Right, go on.

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That's your dad's.

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Dad, that's for you.

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Thanks very much, son. Much appreciated.

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This is where I could start getting all emotional -

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this should be me and Sophie sat here exchanging presents.

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She was so looking forward to it, as well.

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Aw, what did you get her?

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Two pairs of tights and a big Dairy Milk.

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Right, will we get on with this?

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-Mrs Baird, that's for you.

-Ooh! Oh!

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Oh, I feel bad opening this in front of you, Christine.

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Don't be daft, Beth. You go ahead.

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I'm just happy to sit here and watch the surprise on folk's faces

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when they open them up.

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Oh, I wonder what it is!

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That'll be perfume.

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It's lovely paper.

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I'm telling you, it'll be perfume.

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Christine, don't spoil it.

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What is it?

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It's perfume.

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Told you!

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Thanks, Ian. Thanks, Gordon.

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Absolute pleasure. I'm not saying that you stink!

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THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY

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Right, come on, Eric. You open yours.

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Come on, Mr Baird, rrr!

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Listen, you didn't need to bother - I don't need anything.

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It won't be much, Eric.

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It'll just be pants that come in a box or a wee tin of posh biscuits.

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-Biscuits.

-Told you!

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Right, Ian, this is from me and your dad.

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Wait - I'll get my phone out. I should really be taking photos.

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Oh, here, Gordon, take one of me before I get pished.

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Aw, thanks a lot.

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That'll be something to wear.

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-Christine!

-Sorry.

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A polo shirt or the likes.

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-Hey!

-Sorry, sorry.

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Aw, that's lovely. Do you like it?

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That's really nice. Ralph Lauren!

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-Ralph Lauren, aye?

-Yeah.

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12.99, TK Maxx.

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Have you got the bag, Colin?

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Merry Christmas.

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I'm supposed to be skiing.

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What a shame.

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Wee Madison's first Christmas

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and her mum's not even here to give her her presents.

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I was thinking - why don't we...?

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Och, no, no.

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What?

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Where's that Santa suit we had?

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MUSIC: Last Christmas by Wham!

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PHONE RINGS

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Who was that?

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It's my mum. I'll call her later.

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How come you're not speaking to her?

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It's just...

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..if I speak to her, I'll have to speak to my dad.

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And?

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And he'll ask me where I am.

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-And?

-Well, he doesn't know.

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He doesn't know you're having Christmas with me?

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-No, he doesn't know that.

-DOORBELL RINGS

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He also doesn't know I'm gay, to be honest.

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What?!

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BOTH: Merry Christmas.

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-Hi, Cathy. Hi, Colin.

-BABY CRIES

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-CHRISTINE:

-That's Madison awake.

-Two ticks. In you come.

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-How you feeling?

-Fucking gutted, Beth.

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I got new pants.

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Hey!

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Merry Christmas.

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Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas, everybody.

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Merry Christmas.

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-Hi, Ian.

-Hiya!

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Oh, and you must be Gordon. Look, Colin - Ian and Gordon.

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Or is it Gordon and Ian?

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I suppose it might depend on who's the...

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Merry Christmas, Cathy.

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Oh, merry Christmas, Gordon, honey. Let me just give you a little kiss.

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Ah-oh-oh-oh! Peck on the lips.

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Peck on the lips, Gordon, just for Christmas.

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That's you.

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Merry Christmas, boys.

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Merry Christmas!

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Really different from Jaz, isn't he?

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What's your type, Ian - just...anything?

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Yous had a good day, boys?

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Oh, yes, lovely. Very nice.

0:15:370:15:40

Getting a bit hungry now, mind you.

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Ready for our Christmas dinner, you know.

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Oh, aye, I could do with something myself.

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I mean, there's nothing in these pies of hers.

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You having it here as well, are you?

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Your mum said you were going to a lesbian's house.

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We were, aye, but...

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Our plans fell through as well.

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Oh, no. What happened?

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We were supposed to be skiing

0:16:000:16:02

in a five-star resort just outside Chernobyl, Gordon.

0:16:020:16:06

Grenoble.

0:16:060:16:07

Yes, but the French Air Traffic fuckers fucking fucked us, Gordon.

0:16:070:16:11

Is this your first time here, is it, Gordon?

0:16:110:16:13

It is, yeah. I'm the new boy!

0:16:130:16:16

Aye, very good.

0:16:170:16:19

And where did the pair of you meet -

0:16:190:16:20

was it online or was it, like, in a park?

0:16:200:16:25

-BABY MURMURS

-Here she is.

0:16:250:16:28

ALL EXCLAIM

0:16:280:16:31

Christine, that's Madison down now.

0:16:320:16:34

-Has she been changed?

-Yes.

0:16:340:16:36

All right. Just keep your eye on her for me, then, please.

0:16:360:16:40

What a shame Sophie's not back.

0:16:400:16:42

I know.

0:16:420:16:43

How is Madison? Is she all right?

0:16:430:16:46

She shat in the bath.

0:16:460:16:47

Well, never mind that, cos we've got a nice surprise for you.

0:16:490:16:54

Is it a turkey?

0:16:540:16:55

Wait and I'll see if he's ready.

0:16:560:16:58

Oh, is that something I can hear on the roof?

0:16:590:17:04

Is it reindeer?

0:17:040:17:05

Is she half cut already?

0:17:050:17:08

We're ready for you now!

0:17:080:17:10

Ho, ho, ho. Santa's here.

0:17:100:17:14

Oh, good god.

0:17:150:17:16

-Merry Christmas!

-What's this?

0:17:160:17:19

Oh, it was your dad's idea for Madison,

0:17:190:17:22

seeing as Sophie can't be here.

0:17:220:17:24

Oh, look, Madison, who's this?

0:17:240:17:26

Hello, Madison. Have you been a good girl? Have you, Madison?

0:17:260:17:31

-COLIN:

-Eric!

0:17:310:17:32

-Have you been a...

-Eric!

-..good girl?

0:17:320:17:34

Eric! That's a bit threatening, that, Eric. I'd pitch it up a bit.

0:17:340:17:38

Aw, she's still a bit sleepy.

0:17:390:17:42

Hold on.

0:17:420:17:43

TOY SQUEAKS

0:17:430:17:45

That's her now.

0:17:450:17:47

Right, well, you sit down here, Santa,

0:17:470:17:50

and give Madison all her presents.

0:17:500:17:54

Beth, Beth, could I just nip out for a cigarette while this is happening?

0:17:540:17:58

No. That's OK!

0:17:580:18:01

There we go!

0:18:010:18:02

Look at the beard.

0:18:020:18:04

What happened to your beard, Santa?

0:18:050:18:07

Oh, don't ask. Her pal, Pat.

0:18:070:18:10

What is it?

0:18:100:18:11

That's the same suit that Pat was wearing

0:18:110:18:13

-when she set fire to herself.

-She what?!

0:18:130:18:16

Well, she tried to light a fag and the whole beard went up in flames.

0:18:160:18:20

Oh, for God's sake.

0:18:200:18:22

It's the flame on that lighter of hers.

0:18:220:18:25

It's like a blowtorch.

0:18:250:18:26

Honest to God, when she whips that out at the bus stop,

0:18:260:18:30

you don't know whether she's going to light a fag or fix the pavement.

0:18:300:18:34

Are you all right, sweetheart, eh?

0:18:340:18:36

-ALL:

-Aw.

0:18:360:18:38

Oh, Santa, you must be tired after your journey

0:18:380:18:42

all the way from the North Pole, hmm?

0:18:420:18:44

I hope you didn't give out any presents to

0:18:440:18:47

anyone in France on the way,

0:18:470:18:49

-because they are off the list.

-Cathy!

0:18:490:18:52

Right, here you go, Santa, here's the first one.

0:18:540:18:58

Col, Beth's an elf.

0:18:580:19:00

And who's this from?

0:19:010:19:03

-This is from us.

-All right.

0:19:030:19:05

Aw, let's see.

0:19:050:19:07

Aw, that's nice, Beth. Oh, she loves elephants.

0:19:070:19:11

They love them in China, too. The tusks.

0:19:110:19:14

They put it in the cups of tea in the brothels.

0:19:140:19:16

Here's one from us - that's from me and Gordon.

0:19:190:19:23

Oh, look at the card! Look, Christine,

0:19:230:19:28

there's a wee robin on it.

0:19:280:19:30

-Is it cash or a voucher?

-Voucher.

0:19:300:19:32

SHE TUTS

0:19:320:19:34

Right, so is that us all done?

0:19:340:19:36

Erm...

0:19:360:19:38

Oh, don't worry, don't worry.

0:19:410:19:42

No, no, no, no! Colin, where's the, er...? Where's the bag?

0:19:420:19:45

-Mmm?

-The bag with the pressies in it.

0:19:450:19:48

-Oh, er...

-Oh, here it is.

0:19:480:19:51

Right, er, let's see what we've got.

0:19:510:19:54

Boy, oh, boy, let's see what we've got for you.

0:19:540:19:58

Now, I'm afraid I haven't had time to wrap it, but it is...

0:19:580:20:02

A beautiful bottle of tonic.

0:20:030:20:05

OK, we're nearly ready.

0:20:140:20:16

-It's a wee bit...

-Don't!

0:20:170:20:19

Look, are you wanting me to open a tin of beans -

0:20:190:20:20

just fill the plates out a bit?

0:20:200:20:22

I am not serving beans with Christmas dinner, Eric!

0:20:220:20:25

We've got loads of sprouts

0:20:250:20:26

and that big Christmas pudding for afters - we'll be fine.

0:20:260:20:30

All right, Christine?

0:20:300:20:32

Aye, fine, Beth. Is that us nearly ready for getting our dinner, then?

0:20:320:20:36

Yes.

0:20:360:20:37

Oh, I WILL go just now, then.

0:20:370:20:40

SHE HUMS: O Christmas Tree

0:20:400:20:43

So, you not with the family today, Gordon?

0:20:430:20:45

No, no.

0:20:450:20:47

Where are you from, Gordon?

0:20:470:20:49

Yorkshire.

0:20:490:20:50

-Hmm?

-Near Manchester, the airport where we fly to Dubai from.

0:20:500:20:54

Oh, right.

0:20:540:20:55

You'll be giving your folks a wee ring at some point, no?

0:20:550:20:58

Colin called his dad earlier to wish him merry Christmas.

0:20:580:21:01

Well, I left a message with one of the nurses.

0:21:010:21:04

Aw, look! Oh, Colin, look. Isn't she sweet?

0:21:040:21:06

-SPLASHING

-Oh!

0:21:060:21:08

Pass me a wipe out my bag.

0:21:080:21:09

Right, folks, shift your bums up to the table - food's nearly ready.

0:21:100:21:14

Two ticks. Gordon's going to phone his mum first.

0:21:140:21:17

Oh, I'll do it later.

0:21:170:21:20

No, the food's not out yet - you're fine. Go on.

0:21:200:21:23

Oh, crackers! I love crackers. Come on, Ian, let's do one.

0:21:230:21:27

That is shit.

0:21:300:21:32

Beth, your crackers are shit!

0:21:320:21:33

Hello!

0:21:400:21:42

Oh, hiya, Dad.

0:21:420:21:44

Yeah, merry Christmas.

0:21:440:21:45

I'm good, yeah. Uh-huh.

0:21:460:21:49

That's lovely loo roll with the holly on it, Eric. Very Christmassy.

0:21:490:21:54

Christine, Gordon's dad's on the phone.

0:21:540:21:56

Oh, well, just a quick word, then.

0:21:560:21:59

Merry Christmas. It's Christine here.

0:22:010:22:04

Christine. I live next door to Ian's mum.

0:22:040:22:08

What do you mean, "Who's Ian?"

0:22:080:22:11

Ian - Gordon's boyf...

0:22:110:22:12

I'll just pass you back.

0:22:150:22:18

Okey dokey.

0:22:180:22:19

Here we go! I tell you what - I am ravenous.

0:22:260:22:30

Me too - it's all that running about after the wee one.

0:22:300:22:34

OK, that's us, folks.

0:22:340:22:36

THEY CHEER I'm ready for this, I tell you!

0:22:360:22:38

-Woohoo!

-There you are.

0:22:380:22:40

What's this?

0:22:540:22:56

It's Christmas dinner, Christine.

0:22:560:22:57

It looks like a wee plate of leftovers

0:22:570:22:59

you'd put out for the birds.

0:22:590:23:01

We only thought it was going to be the two of us.

0:23:010:23:03

It's fine - we always eat too much anyway.

0:23:030:23:05

No chance of that the day.

0:23:050:23:07

There's a big Christmas pudding in there for after.

0:23:070:23:10

It looks lovely. Isn't the main thing that we're all here together?

0:23:100:23:13

-All right?

-Yeah, fine.

0:23:210:23:22

Right, now, who would like gravy?

0:23:220:23:25

-Yes.

-What's she serving that in - a thimble?

0:23:250:23:28

Bon appetit!

0:23:330:23:35

What?

0:23:350:23:36

It's French for "enjoy your..."

0:23:360:23:38

Well, it's maybe not the biggest, but it's absolutely delicious.

0:23:500:23:56

Ach, it's a shame Sophie's not here.

0:23:590:24:01

Will she get Christmas dinner over there?

0:24:010:24:04

Nup. A ham baguette, a strawberry yogurt

0:24:040:24:07

and a bit of Ryanair shortbread.

0:24:070:24:08

God, that's a nightmare. I feel so sorry for her.

0:24:080:24:12

-She's not the only one who's had her Christmas ruined.

-Sorry?

0:24:120:24:16

I'm just saying, Sophie's not the only one who has had her

0:24:160:24:19

-Christmas turned upside down.

-You're not wrong there.

0:24:190:24:21

I should be up a mountain right now.

0:24:210:24:23

Like, a proper mountain, with a bar at the top

0:24:230:24:26

and a medical centre in case you break your leg

0:24:260:24:29

or your lips go all...dry.

0:24:290:24:32

A-and snow that's properly white, not like the stuff we get here

0:24:320:24:38

that just goes brown and disappears.

0:24:380:24:40

This is the worst Christmas I think I've honestly ever had.

0:24:400:24:43

Now, look, Cathy...

0:24:430:24:45

All right, Cath, all right.

0:24:450:24:46

Look, there's something I arranged -

0:24:490:24:51

a wee surprise that I was gonnae show you while we were away, but...

0:24:510:24:55

..it might be all right now.

0:24:570:24:59

Let's go outside.

0:25:010:25:02

Come on, everyone.

0:25:020:25:04

Come and see what I got Cathy for Christmas. Come on, grab your coats.

0:25:040:25:06

-ERIC: What's he on about? GORDON:

-What's this?

0:25:060:25:09

-Chilly, isn't it?

-Well, there's nothing here.

0:25:140:25:16

It's not out here - it's up there.

0:25:160:25:19

-What?

-Look up there!

0:25:190:25:22

-CHRISTINE:

-I cannae see anything.

0:25:240:25:26

I have bought you a star.

0:25:260:25:29

SHE GASPS

0:25:290:25:31

-No!

-Aye!

0:25:310:25:32

I've adopted a star and it's named after you.

0:25:320:25:36

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Col.

0:25:360:25:38

Beth, I've got a star named after me. What one is it?

0:25:380:25:42

Well, er...

0:25:420:25:44

See that... See that big one there?

0:25:450:25:47

Oh, wow!

0:25:470:25:49

Well, next to that, there's a weer one.

0:25:500:25:53

Uh-huh.

0:25:530:25:55

And to the left of that, just down a bit.

0:25:550:25:58

-That one?

-What one?

0:25:590:26:00

-The one in between the two that are close together.

-No, down a bit.

0:26:000:26:03

Right.

0:26:030:26:05

So, what did he say?

0:26:060:26:07

Oh, not much.

0:26:080:26:09

He was going to find out sooner or later.

0:26:100:26:13

Was he all right about it?

0:26:130:26:14

-Not too bad.

-That's good.

0:26:150:26:17

I'm glad.

0:26:170:26:18

Must be a weight off your mind.

0:26:180:26:20

Are you still going to go down and see them at New Year?

0:26:200:26:23

No.

0:26:230:26:25

Not a cloud in the sky, eh, Beth?

0:26:260:26:28

I know.

0:26:280:26:30

Makes you think, doesn't it?

0:26:300:26:32

Yes, it does.

0:26:320:26:34

Makes you think...

0:26:340:26:35

..there are worse places to live than this, eh?

0:26:350:26:39

Oh, I see it, I see it! Look!

0:26:400:26:42

What did you call it?

0:26:420:26:45

Cathy.

0:26:450:26:46

Oh!

0:26:470:26:49

Beth, look! That's me. That's my star! I'm a star, in the sky!

0:26:490:26:56

Fuck this. I'm wanting my pudding.

0:26:570:27:00

Come here, you.

0:27:090:27:11

Merry Christmas.

0:27:130:27:14

I mean, Gordon, all right,

0:27:160:27:18

Sophie didnae make it home, we've had fuck all to eat

0:27:180:27:22

and Madison got a bottle of tonic water for her Christmas,

0:27:220:27:25

but in the grand scheme of things, could've been a lot worse, eh?

0:27:250:27:29

Yeah.

0:27:290:27:31

OK, who fancies Christmas pudding?

0:27:310:27:34

-Me!

-Oh, yes!

0:27:340:27:36

Make some space.

0:27:360:27:38

That's it. Move that there.

0:27:390:27:42

Here it comes!

0:27:460:27:48

Ho, ho, ho!

0:27:480:27:50

THEY CHEER

0:27:500:27:52

Here he is - Santa Eric!

0:27:520:27:56

-SHE CHANTS:

-Santa Claus, Santa Claus!

0:27:560:27:59

Are you ready?

0:27:590:28:00

ALL: Yes!

0:28:000:28:02

ALL: Ooh!

0:28:040:28:06

THEY YELL

0:28:060:28:08

# Who's got a beard that's long and white?

0:28:080:28:10

# Santa's got a beard that's long and white

0:28:100:28:12

# Who comes round on a special night?

0:28:120:28:14

# Santa comes round on a special night

0:28:140:28:15

# Special night, beard that's white

0:28:150:28:17

# Must be Santa, must be Santa

0:28:170:28:20

# Must be Santa, Santa Claus

0:28:200:28:23

# Who wears boots and a suit of red?

0:28:260:28:27

# Santa wears boots and a suit of red

0:28:270:28:29

# Who wears a long cap on his head?

0:28:290:28:31

# Santa wears a long cap on his head

0:28:310:28:33

# Cap on head, suit that's red

0:28:330:28:34

# Special night, beard that's white. #

0:28:340:28:36

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