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Good evening and welcome to Watson and Oliver. I'm Ingrid Oliver. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
I'm Lorna Watson. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
And this is our sketch show. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
What? | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
Anything you want to tell me? | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
No. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
You've got a massive moustache. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
What? You're kidding! I only shaved half an hour ago. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
-You're taking steroids again, aren't you? -No. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
I can't believe you're back on the 'roids. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
Look, it's not a big deal, yeah. I just needed a bit of testosterone | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
to get me through the show, that's all. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
I'm not doing this again, Ingrid. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
I want out. I'm walking. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
Listen, listen, all right, all right, I messed up, OK? | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
I'm through with them now. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
That's what you always say | 0:01:12 | 0:01:13 | |
and then you go and get off your face on the 'roids. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
It's different this time, yeah? Take them. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
I'll throw them away. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Good. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
I'm proud of you. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
I'm proud of you. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
Let's hug it out. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:31 | |
BONES CRACK | 0:01:33 | 0:01:34 | |
Ow! | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
Enjoy the show. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
I need to get that file back on the... | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
I can't stop. I'm going to see the chief. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
ENTRY SYSTEM BEEPS | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Damn it! | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
ENTRY SYSTEM BEEPS | 0:02:05 | 0:02:06 | |
Officer Brooks, Counter Terrorism. I need to see the chief. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
I'm sorry. You've not got clearance. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
I know I don't, but I need to see the chief now. It's urgent. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
We can't let you through. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:20 | |
I wouldn't be trying to get clearance if it wasn't really important, would I? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
Do you want to let me through | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
or lose your job because you didn't let me through? Hm? | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
DOOR BUZZES | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Thank you. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
Excuse me, you can't just... Wait! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
Sir, I really need to speak to you. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
What the hell's going on? | 0:02:41 | 0:02:42 | |
I'm sorry, Sir. She just barged in. I couldn't stop her. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
-I'll take it from here. -Yes, Sir. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
This had better be good officer...? | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Brooks, Sir. Counter Terrorism Unit. We met last week, Sir. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
On the first floor by the vending machine? | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
You wanted a can but you didn't have change so I lent you some, remember? | 0:02:54 | 0:02:58 | |
No, Officer Brookes, I do not remember. | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
I haven't got all day, so what's this about? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
Well, you owe me a pound, Sir. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
What? | 0:03:03 | 0:03:04 | |
You owe me a pound, Sir. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
You've breached three levels of security to get into my office | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
because I owe you a pound? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
Yes, Sir. So have you got it or should I come back later? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
No, I haven't got it! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
All right. I'll come back later. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
No, you will not come back later. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
But you owe me a whole pound. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
Yes I know I owe you a pound but as I said before, | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
I haven't currently got it! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
Don't you shout at me, Sir. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
You're the one who's borrowed a pound without paying it back. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Right... Stephanie? | 0:03:29 | 0:03:30 | |
Yes, Sir? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
You know that pound I lent you for those biscuits? | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
Well I need it back. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:36 | |
Sorry, Sir, but I lent it to Martin yesterday for some stamps. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
But if it's urgent I could... | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
-Could you? -Yes, Sir. Martin? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
-Hello? -You haven't got that pound I lent you yesterday? | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
Oh, um... | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
Yeah, there you go. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
Great. Thanks. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
-Oh, hey, Brooks. -Hi, Martin. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:56 | |
Sir. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
Thank you. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
There you go. One pound. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
Thank you, Sir. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
Right, is everybody settled now? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Yeah. I think so. Yup. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Jolly good. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Actually, Brooks, um, you owe me a pound. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
-Do I? -Cheese roll. Remember? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Last Tuesday, at the pub, I had a cheese roll, | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
you were hungry, so I bought you one. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
Yeah, yeah yeah. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Oh, very funny. Well, I know who these are from. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Guilty. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
These are going straight in the bin, mate! | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
OK, who's next? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:40 | |
The final two. We have Holly... | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
..and Ruth. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Holly, open yours first! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
-What is it? -It's a can of weight loss drink. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
I just thought it might come in handy. I know how difficult | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
it can be to shift the pounds once they start piling on. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
But I suppose that's the price you pay | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
for being in a loving, fulfilled relationship. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
And when I say you, I mean me. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:11 | |
Ruth? | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
I just saw it and it screamed you! | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
That's so thoughtful. I've been meaning to watch this for ages. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
This is the one about two girls who work in an office together | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
and one of them has a boyfriend and the other one doesn't, | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
so she steals the other one's boyfriend | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
in an unbelievable act of betrayal, right? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
You know? Hang on a minute. That wasn't a film. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
THAT WAS YOU! | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Ahhh! | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
I can't see! | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
Ahhhh! | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Aahhhhhh, the bells, the bells! | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
Right, well, we've all had fun | 0:07:15 | 0:07:16 | |
so everybody back to work please, OK? | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
-Yes, Simon. -No problem, Simon. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
MUFFLED MOANING | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
Oh, hello, Fiona. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
Hello, Mr and Mrs Beckford. We've come to pick up... | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
Bea! Fiona's here! | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
It's so lovely of your parents to let Bea come on holiday with you. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
-Two whole weeks. -Two whole weeks. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
-Hey, Fi. -Hey, Bea. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
-I like your jelly shoes. -Do you like them? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
Yeah, I really like them. They're really nice. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
Right then, Bea, have you got everything? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
I think so. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
Let's just make absolutely sure. We don't want you coming back | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
-because you've forgotten something, do we? -No, we don't. -Bea, did you bring your straighteners? | 0:08:24 | 0:08:29 | |
Yeah. I brought my pink ones and I also brought my other ones. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:33 | |
-I really like the pink ones. -Do you like the pink ones? | 0:08:33 | 0:08:37 | |
I was thinking about your passport. Are you sure you've got it? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
Do I have my passport? | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
-That's what we're asking you, yes. -I'm not sure. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
Let's just have a quick look then, shall we? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Sunglasses. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:50 | |
Oh, those are nice. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:51 | |
Really? Do you think they're nice? | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
Yeah. They're really nice. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:54 | |
-I really like them. -Next. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
-Bangles. -Oh, they're nice. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
-They're nice, aren't they? -Yeah, they're really nice. -Focus, Bea. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
-Body spray. -That's nice. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
-Coconut lip balm. -That's nice. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
Flamingo purse. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:11 | |
-Denim shorts. -Those are nice. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
Straw hat. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
I like that. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Flip flops. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
Those are nice. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Hang on a minute. Is that... | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
-Here it is! -THEY LAUGH | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
-Well done, darling! -THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
-Thank God! -Goodness! | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
Thanks so much for having her! | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
We'll see you in two weeks then. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
OK, come on, darling. Bye! Come on, darling. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:43 | |
Fi? | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Yes, Bea? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
Why are your parents crying? | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
How long since our last contact? | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
48 minutes and counting, Sir. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
'Sir? Things are getting pretty tight up here.' | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
Just hang on in there, boys. We're going to get you out of this mess. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
-'Sir?' -Yes, Captain? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
'If you get us home safe, the drinks are on me.' | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
Copy that. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:15 | |
Listen up, everyone, we've got a window of approximately 20 minutes | 0:10:17 | 0:10:22 | |
to get these guys back on the ground, before their oxygen runs out. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
So, Cooper, could you work on the landing trajectory? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
Yes, Sir. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:31 | |
And I want oxygen status reports every 60 seconds. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Jenkins, I need you to... | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
Flight Marshall Jenkins? Is there a problem? | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
I was wondering if I could nip off actually? | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
Pardon me? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
Well, obviously I'd love to stay, what with the whole... | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
MIMICS CRASH | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
..but the thing is it has already gone 5.00. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
These guys are depending on us to get them home safely. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
We can't do that without you so... | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
Well, it's just I do badminton on a Tuesday | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
and I already missed last Tuesday | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
because I had to take Cath to the hospital | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
to have her waterworks seen to, | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
so I tell you what, I could come in early tomorrow? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
Sit down, Jenkins! | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
How we doing here? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
17 minutes of oxygen left, Sir. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Um... The thing is, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, | 0:11:20 | 0:11:26 | |
but I did only have half an hour for lunch. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
-And? -It's supposed to be an hour. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
We are a team and if we don't pull together, four men, | 0:11:31 | 0:11:35 | |
four good men, will lose their lives. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
Well, four badminton players will go without their post-match oranges | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
if I don't make it to practice. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
I'm just saying. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:44 | |
If you don't sit your ass back down right now, Jenkins, | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
I will have you court-marshalled! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
-I'll just go and... -Do it. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
'Houston?! Houston do you copy? She's breaking up!' | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
Captain Miller! Can you hear me? | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
It's...We can't... | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
RADIO STATIC | 0:12:05 | 0:12:06 | |
Miller? Miller! | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
Oh dear, that's terrible, isn't that terrible? | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
Aaagh! | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
Come on, darling, you can do it. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
-Push! -Push! | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
Ow! Why does it hurt so much? | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
-Come on. -Uuurrrgghhhh! | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Almost there. One final... | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
-I can't do this. -Yes, you can. Come on, Michelle. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
No, I'm not doing it. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:49 | |
Come on, Michelle. You're nearly there. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
I said I'm not doing it. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
Just one final push. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
It's never just one final push, is it? | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
You said that five hours ago and yet here we are still. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
-Michelle... -I've had enough. This is just ridiculous. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:04 | |
It's not ridiculous. This is our first child! | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
Well, you have it then. I'm going home. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
Michelle! | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
Seriously, Andrew it's really painful, and I mean REALLY painful. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:15 | |
I've had enough. I'm going home. End of. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
Listen, why don't we try some of those breathing exercises again, eh? | 0:13:17 | 0:13:21 | |
Give me the car keys. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
-No! -Fine! | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
-Professor. -Ah, Scott. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Is it ready? | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Yes. Follow me. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
I had to make a few minor adjustments to the proximity sensors | 0:13:47 | 0:13:51 | |
and thrust controls, but I think we're operational now. Ready? | 0:13:51 | 0:13:56 | |
It's perfect. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
It will need to be. It's a dangerous world out there, Scott. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:06 | |
Now it's exactly as we discussed. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
The armour's carbon alloy, coated in dilobium polymer. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
It should flex at the joints, but be all but impervious to weaponry. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:19 | |
A crystalline micro display behind the left eye | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
will give a complete system profile, including damage report. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
Now, power is routed through the... | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
Ow! | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
What's wrong? | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
It's the boots, they're a little tight. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
Oh, that's odd. They should be a perfect fit. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
They're a ten? | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
A ten? No, I thought you said you were a nine. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
No, I'm a size nine in sneakers, | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
but in boots and shoes I'm usually a ten. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
Ten and a half sometimes. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
Oh, right. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
OK. Well, will they stretch at all? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
Well, they're pretty soft metal. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:55 | |
METAL CLANKS | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
-They should give slightly over time. -Right, right. | 0:14:56 | 0:15:00 | |
-That's your toe there, is it? -Yeah, yeah. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:04 | |
Do you have them in a ten? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:06 | |
Er, no, it's just what you see here. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:09 | |
Could I maybe wear it with different boots? | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
I think that might just look a bit odd. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
Hey, jeez, listen to me going on | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
and you've made me a unique crime fighting suit | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
and here I am complaining about my tootsies! | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
You might not even notice once you do the speech? | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
Do you want to do the speech? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
Sure. OK, why not. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:26 | |
Wherever there are wrongs, Alloy Man... Ow! | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
..Alloy man will right them. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
Wherever injustice rears its ugly head... Ow! | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
God, they really pinch! | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
Lights out! | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
-LOUD THUD -I heard that, Simpson. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
'Ere we go. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
Oi, Pat...it's me. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
I just wanted to say night night. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:00 | |
Night yourself. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
Oh, no. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
Oh, no. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
-'Ere it comes. -There's trouble. -Ere she goes. -Someone's off. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
There she is. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
Here I am. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:11 | |
Off she goes. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
-'Ere it comes. -There she is. -Hang on a minute. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
-Someone's off. -Who was that? | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
-'Ere it comes. -Off she goes. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
Is that you, Pat? | 0:16:19 | 0:16:20 | |
-That depends. -Don't you start. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
Right, that's it. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
-Who are you? -It's me, Pat. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
Yeah, I know that. Who's this joker? | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
-I'm Lou. -Mischief, more like. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
Oh, she's good. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
It's nice to meet you, officer. Pat's told me all about you. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:41 | |
Oh, has she now? So, um, you new then? | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
That's right. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:45 | |
Arrived today, and already me | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
and Pat get on like a house on fire, don't we, Pat? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
-Oh, yeah, yeah. -Funnily enough, that's why I'm in here. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
Oh, there she goes. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
-Off I go. -'Ere it comes. -Here it is. Yeah, it's funny really. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
I already feel like I've known Pat for years. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
Yeah. Course you do. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Best friend material this one. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
Well, she's Pat, isn't she? | 0:17:05 | 0:17:06 | |
That's right. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
Well, I'd better... | 0:17:10 | 0:17:11 | |
Yeah, yeah... | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
I've got to finish my patrol and that so... | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Yeah, course. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
I'll see you both later then. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
Not if I see you first! | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
That's what they all say! | 0:17:25 | 0:17:26 | |
-Off we go! -Here it comes. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
-There she is. -There she goes. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
Fancy a nightcap, Pat? | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
Yeah, go on then. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
There she goes. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:37 | |
Alloy Man! Alloy Man! | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
They're robbing the corner store! | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
Ow, ow, ow! | 0:17:52 | 0:17:53 | |
SHOES CLUNK | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
Well, that has got me very angry. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
Excuse me for a moment. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
Gah! | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
I'm sorry you had to see that. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
I've just had some... Sorry. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
I've just had some very bad news. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:21 | |
Apparently, my application to light the Olympic flame | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
has been rejected because, and I quote, "I'm not sporty enough." | 0:18:24 | 0:18:28 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
But then neither is David Tennant so I don't see why he gets to do it. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:35 | |
That man is literally the bane of my life. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
Ingrid. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
I've got the most incredible news. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
What are you wearing? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
Well, I got in, didn't I? | 0:18:45 | 0:18:46 | |
I got into the Team GB Luge team. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
The Luge Team? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
-What are you doing? -I'm Luging. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
So, basically, this means that you and me, we can go to the Olympics. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
You can be my plus one. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
Lorna, you do know that London is hosting the summer Olympics? | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
Yeah, I know. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
And you also know that Luge is a winter sport? | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
-No, it isn't. -It really is. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
Oh, no. I've been training for the wrong Olympics. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:15 | |
It would appear so, wouldn't it? | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
That's fine. It doesn't matter. It's all right. | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
I just need to pick a new sport, | 0:19:20 | 0:19:22 | |
which is not a problem | 0:19:22 | 0:19:25 | |
because I happen to be rather good at figure skating. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
Thank you. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
Yes, except that's also a winter sport, isn't it? | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
-Bobsleigh? -Again, a winter sport. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
You're kidding! | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
Basically, if it's on ice or snow you're pretty much guaranteed it's going to be a winter sport, Lorna. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:40 | |
Yeah, yeah, I understand. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
-Do you though? -Yes. Do I look like an idiot? | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
No, our time's running out, Lorna. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
We have to find a new way of making our Olympic dream happen | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
and luckily for you, I have an amazing back-up plan. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
-Oh, yeah? -Huddle up. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
OK, I've got two words for you. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
Olympic Opening... Three words... Olympic Opening Ceremony. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
Keep talking. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
If we can create an Olympic Opening Ceremony under budget for, say... | 0:20:11 | 0:20:15 | |
..£7.24, | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
I have a feeling they'll have no choice but to give us the gig, | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
which means that you and I will have the best seats in the house. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
Oh, you're good. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
Or I could always give Steve a call. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
-Who's Steve? -He's head of hurdles. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
He coaches the hurdles team? | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
No, he sets them out on the track before the race | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
and when the race is over, he picks them up again | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
and puts them in a kind of storage cupboard. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
He might need some help. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:46 | |
OK, well as tempting as that is, | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
let's stick with choreographing the Olympic Opening Ceremony for now, OK? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
All right then. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:52 | |
Can we maybe do a thing where a dog comes on, | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
pulling a mouse on a tiny cart? | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
No. And by the way, your nipples are showing. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
Lucy, look, your papa is here. Parlaying with my papa. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
Oh, yes. Catherine! | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
Look who our parlaying papas are presently parlaying with! | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
Whatever could they be talking about? | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
Well, Sir Thomas is wearing his lucky breeches | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
so it must be a matter of great importance. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
Oh, and do you see how they mark us? | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
Constantly throwing longing looks in our direction? | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
Mr Bridgewater and Sir Thomas parlaying with our papas, | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
pertaining to a matter of premium importance... | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
You don't think? | 0:22:12 | 0:22:13 | |
WEDDING BELLS CHIME | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
THEY GIGGLE EXCITEDLY | 0:22:18 | 0:22:21 | |
Papa, you did not tell me we were expecting company? | 0:22:27 | 0:22:30 | |
Ah, Catherine, Lucy. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
Gentlemen, I believe you are acquainted with our daughters. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:36 | |
Indeed. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
Indeed. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
-Indeed. -Indeed. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:40 | |
Well, to the matter at hand. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
Sirs, we come to seek your permission. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
Go on. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
Sir Thomas and I have of late formed a certain attachment | 0:22:47 | 0:22:51 | |
to two very special ladies. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
I see. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:55 | |
And should their fathers agree, | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
and we flatter ourselves that they will... | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
an answer in the affirmative would render us the happiest men alive. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:03 | |
Well come on, man, ask the question. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
-Would you sirs... -Yes. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
-..do us the very great honour. -Mmmmm? | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
-..of allowing us... -Yes? | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
-..the use of the village hall... -Right? | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
..on the very special occasion of our marriage to.... | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
Yes? | 0:23:19 | 0:23:20 | |
Miss Honeywell... | 0:23:20 | 0:23:22 | |
..and Miss Lavender. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:23 | |
-GLASSES SHATTER -Ah, and here they come now. Mum's the word! | 0:23:24 | 0:23:29 | |
THEY BOTH SCREAM | 0:23:30 | 0:23:33 | |
THEY CONTINUE TO SCREAM | 0:23:41 | 0:23:43 | |
May we be of assistance? | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
My associate and I have just moved in to the village. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:19 | |
I believe we are to be neighbours. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
Indeed. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:22 | |
Indeed. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
-Indeed. -Indeed. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
'Ladies and gentlemen, | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
'Watson and Oliver proudly present | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
'the 2012 London Olympics Opening Ceremony.' | 0:24:36 | 0:24:41 | |
# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner | 0:24:44 | 0:24:48 | |
# That I love London so | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
# Maybe it's... # | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
CLOCK CHIMES Oh, look. It's Big Ben. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:57 | |
Now, ladies and gentlemen, come with us... | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
Elementary, my dear Watson! | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
No, no, no, not yet. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:13 | |
Come with us on a journey as we introduce you to | 0:25:13 | 0:25:16 | |
-some of London's most colourful... -Elementary, my dear... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
-No! -No, no. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:20 | |
She's saying no! | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
..some of London's most colourful characters. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
Oh look, it's Baker Street's Sherlock Holmes. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
Oh look, it's Oliver Twist. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:36 | |
SONG: "Food Glorious Food" | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
Hey there, little fella. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
There you go. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:41 | |
That's all I've got. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
Ow! You little... | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
Oh look, it's the Labour MP for Lambeth North. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
THUNDER CLAP | 0:25:54 | 0:25:55 | |
Oh, no, it looks like rain again. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
BOTH: Typical London. | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
SONG: "Umbrella" by Rihanna | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
Ingrid. I've dropped my umbrella. Ingrid. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:09 | |
-Get the rain. -I can't bend over. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
Get the rain. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
Eh! That's the rain, is it? | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
It's all we could afford. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:31 | |
Oh, look, let's take shelter in that traditional London phone box! | 0:26:31 | 0:26:35 | |
Ow! You're pushing me. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:50 | |
'Ladies and gentlemen, | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
'Team GB!' | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
SONG: "Chariots Of Fire" by Vangelis | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
-Oh hi, Steve. -Thanks, Steve. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
Right, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:34 | |
The Olympic Cauldron. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
Lorna, will you please fetch the Olympic Torch? | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, I will now attempt to light the Olympic Cauldron | 0:27:55 | 0:27:59 | |
using this bow and arrow. | 0:27:59 | 0:28:03 | |
-Really? -Yes! | 0:28:21 | 0:28:24 | |
-The flame's gone out. -Relight it, please. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:31 | |
Has anyone got any matches? | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
Oh, can you just hold that for me? | 0:28:33 | 0:28:35 | |
It's all right! | 0:28:43 | 0:28:45 | |
Crisis averted. | 0:28:45 | 0:28:46 | |
Oh, no. What happened there? | 0:28:49 | 0:28:52 | |
You, Lorna. You're what happened there. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:54 | |
Where are you going? | 0:29:00 | 0:29:02 | |
I'm going to get off my face drunk, Lorna. | 0:29:02 | 0:29:04 | |
Oh, can I come? | 0:29:04 | 0:29:05 | |
Elementary, my dear Watson. | 0:29:05 | 0:29:06 | |
BOTH: Too late! | 0:29:06 | 0:29:08 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:29:23 | 0:29:26 |