Episode 3 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 3

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Mr T is on a special mission.

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He's been searching far and wide,

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assembling an army of extraordinary individuals -

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people who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

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People who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions, like...

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"Can I fit in that?" "What's through that door?"

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and, "Do I really need a parachute?"

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He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

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He's found the world's craziest fools!

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Listen, I can't talk now, sweetie. I'm doing my show.

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OK. Bye.

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That was my mountaineer coach, Sweetie.

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He's training me to climb Everest.

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I'm going to be the first man to do it barefoot

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and with my eyes closed. But enough about me.

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Let's talk about the show.

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Today we got fools crashing into things,

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we got fools breaking stuff,

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we got fools falling all over the place. Let's do it!

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SIREN WAILING

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Mexico. This border-patrol cop has caught a van

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full of illegal immigrants. Instead of calling for backup,

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he tries to round them all up by himself.

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SONG: "Ring The Alarm" by Beyonce

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I tell you, this man is highly motivated!

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Keep going, officer! This is your day to shine.

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Another high-speed chase.

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The suspect gets out of his car.

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The policeman pulls over and starts running after him.

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Only problem is, he left the handbrake off.

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CRASHING

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This officer and his car need to resolve their differences.

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If you got a grudge, don't bring it to work.

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Leave it at the door!

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CRASHING

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Florida. This cop is hungry.

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He pulled over at the drive-through to buy himself some tasty nuggets.

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Looks like he forgot he had a suspect in the back.

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The suspect runs away!

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You can't fight crime on an empty stomach.

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You can't do nothing on an empty stomach.

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That's why I have three square meals a day -

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and I have breakfast.

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This bank robber has just been pulled over after a high-speed chase.

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Without realising it, the cops put a crucial piece of evidence

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right in front of him.

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When they're not looking, he gobbles it up!

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"Oh, man! Where's that evidence?"

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"What did we do with the evidence?"

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They should ask me for help. I'd reach down that sucker's throat

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and get it out for 'em.

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Here's some Russian police trying to apprehend a tree.

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THEY SHOUT

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THEY LAUGH

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That tree was charged with resisting arrest and assaulting an officer.

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Now he's going to do hard time in a maximum-security correction facility.

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THEY LAUGH

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Brazil. Here's some more cops who forgot to lock their car,

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and let a suspect escape.

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I like the way these cops are thinking.

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They had so much fun catching the guy the first time,

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they let him go free. Now they can catch him all over again.

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Riot police in Romania.

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First one guy falls, then another drops his gun.

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THEY SHOUT

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That's it. You get all the clumsy stuff out of the way before you get to the riot -

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then, when you get to the riot, that's when you put your business face on.

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Clumsy stuff now, business later.

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Being a policeman is tough work. You got to stay on top of your game,

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24/7. Here's five tips on how to be a good cop.

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SIREN WAILS

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MUSIC: "THEME FROM THE SWEENEY"

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Always keep your prime suspects close at hand.

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Cor, that one on the right's a bit scrumptious!

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Remember, just because you're a policeman

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doesn't mean you're above the law, even if you are Italian

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and all stylish, like Rufus Sewell in that Italian TV cop-show thingy.

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Keep your eyes on the job at all times.

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Yes, that goes for you, you naughty policeman.

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Shame on you!

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Keep practising those advanced driving skills.

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If you end up upside down, the bad guys have probably got away.

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The same goes for if you end up in a house -

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unless that's the house where the bad guys live,

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in which case, good work, officers.

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Sometimes, when you're strong like me,

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you end up breaking things by accident.

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Take this banana, for example.

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See? I just broke it by mistake.

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Here's some other people who broke things by mistake.

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Brazil. This man is trying to do a handstand on the back of a car.

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His friend told him it was a bad idea, but he didn't believe him.

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Sometimes you just got to learn the hard way.

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That was the hard way.

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A game of basketball in Turkey-land.

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I hope you going to pay for that, fool,

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or at least make some sort of contribution.

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-Next up, this happens.

-You play as one team together?

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-You need two controllers.

-Oh, to play against one another?

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GLASS SHATTERS

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-Oops!

-Oh, sorry. It slipped.

-It's all right.

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This wouldn't have happened if he'd been outside playing proper sports,

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like tennis. Or jousting!

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Here's some kids from the United Kingdom of France.

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There it is. I'm done.

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Ping pong is not a real sport anyway.

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Real sports involve putting on helmets, like American football.

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Or jousting.

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-THEY LAUGH

-Do I keep saying "jousting"?

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I mean "baseball".

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These guys are trying to move a bed by lowering it out the window.

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-Ready?

-Yeah. Go ahead.

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Make sure you push it, though, so it doesn't crack our... Oh, God!

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-GLASS SHATTERS

-Now they broke the window.

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That's what I call teamwork.

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-THEY SHOUT AND CHATTER

-We broke the window!

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We broke the window!

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MAN YELLS

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-THEY SHOUT

-Go!

-BLEEP.

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There's only one way to find out how strong your body is,

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and that's to put it to the test.

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Go!

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THEY LAUGH HE GROANS

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This man is not as strong as he previously thought.

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THEY LAUGH

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This looks like a bad idea.

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Why aren't these kids in school?

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It makes me mad when I see kids not living up to their potential.

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The roof's falling down.

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This is sad to see. If I see much more of this,

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I'm going to start crying.

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Here's four guys carrying a statue.

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CHOIR SINGING HYMN

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ALL SHOUT AND SCREAM

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Now the statue is in a hundred pieces -

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one piece of statue for everyone in the room.

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That's what we call sharing.

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What's going to get broken here?

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Dude!

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Oh, my God, you buy me a new one!

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Oh, my God! You idiot!

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-Dude, you're buying me a new

-BLEEP

-windshield.

-Calm down!

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Take it easy on him! Remember, he's your friend.

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Friends forgive friends. That's what friends do.

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SONG: "Boom Boom Pow" by The Black Eyed Peas

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Don't jump, fool! You'll break something.

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Why don't these people listen to me? Can he not hear me?

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Am I not speaking loud enough?

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Don't make me shout!

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Don't be deceived by this guy.

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He may look weak, but check out how strong he is.

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All right. Just do it on the corner.

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BOY LAUGHS

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This guy is a man. In fact, he's a man's man.

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In fact, he's a man's man's man.

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No. That's too much.

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He's just a man's man.

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Breaking stuff is not a good idea. Remember, people,

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take care of other people's possessions, and they'll take care of yours.

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Also, drink milk!

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A woman from Pennsylvania

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came home one evening to find her house had been burgled.

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Her windows were smashed and two diamond rings,

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worth more than 3,000, had gone missing.

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The woman was completely distraught

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until she noticed that her computer was switched on.

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It seemed the burglar had taken a break from robbing

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to surf the internet and check his Facebook account.

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He'd then forgotten to log off before he left.

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Police had no trouble tracking him down.

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The hapless but socially-connected burglar

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now faces up to ten years behind bars.

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HE LAUGHS

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Seriously, don't mess with the law.

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Some people ain't strong enough to pull a car with their bare hands.

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They have to get a little help from Mr Rope.

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Be careful with Mr Rope. He's a nice guy,

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but he'll snap at any time. Take a look at this.

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These suckers are trying to tow a trailer out of a garage.

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SONG: "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly

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MAN LAUGHING

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Caravan holidays ain't no fun anyway.

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Now you can stay at home and do DIY instead.

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Most people like to tow a car on its wheels.

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This guy is going for the more exciting option

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of towing the car on its roof. He just made his job twice as fun.

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This is a great day for towing.

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This car is stuck in the snow.

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How do you tow a car out of the snow?

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I'll tell you - one piece at a time.

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I said stop, let him tow!

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Stop, stop, stop!

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Now all you need to do is pull off all the other bits,

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then put it back together again.

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Easy!

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Here's another car stuck in the snow.

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Don't look like a car to me.

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It looks more like a little tiny toy that children play with.

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Do people really drive in that thing?

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How do they fit inside?

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HORN BEEPS

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MEN LAUGHING

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Error!

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OK, listen up. Mr T's got a physics question for you.

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A car is driving up the hill with a caravan.

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They're going at a speed of 30 miles per hour.

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The caravan weighs two tons.

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The hill has a gradient of 20 degrees.

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Here's the question. Why is my hair so soft and bouncy?

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METAL CRUNCHES

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The answer - because I wash it every day

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with a mixture of lemon and honey.

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Try it! It does work.

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METAL CRUNCHES

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This truck is stuck in the mud.

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I have no idea how it got stuck in the mud.

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That's probably a different funny clip.

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This funny clip is all about towing.

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-MAN SHOUTING

-Damn, dude! Holy

-BLEEP!

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Who are all these people?

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They just hanging around doing nothing.

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Imagine how much they could achieve

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if they got together and did something!

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They could build a new school, or discover a new planet!

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This AA van is towing a car back to the garage.

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That did not work out according to plan.

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At least I hope it didn't. If that was the plan,

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it was a bad plan.

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Those bollards creep up all over the place.

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Here's some more cars that have been attacked from underneath in a vicious manner.

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SONG: "Stuck On You" by Lionel Richie

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Now, take a listen to this phone call.

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RINGING TONE

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I like this kid. He couldn't do his homework,

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so he rang someone he thought could help him.

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Remember - there ain't no shame in sharing the pain.

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Back in the '80s, I invented something called the wheel.

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Since then, mankind has been able to travel around the world with ease.

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You're welcome. But despite the success of my invention,

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not everyone has come to grips with it.

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MAN YELLS

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Boom!

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Don't worry. You will get there one day.

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I don't know where "there" is, but you'll get there.

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Here's a tip.

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Argh!

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If you're going to ride a bicycle up a ramp,

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make sure you ride the bicycle up the ramp!

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Argh!

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Cycling is good. Running on a treadmill is good.

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LAUGHTER

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This kid just combined those two good things

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to create something...not good.

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This guy is trying to ride a ramp onto a roof.

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Don't worry. He's OK.

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It's a shame he didn't make it,

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because it's awesome on top of the roof. I know. I been there.

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What's going on here?

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-First time, bro.

-OK, I'm just going to jolt forward,

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get a head start, you know what I'm saying?

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-Do it.

-OK.

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-MAN LAUGHING

-Agh!

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-Ow!

-BLEEP!

-Ow!

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Nice move! If you want your shop shut quickly,

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this is your guy.

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This rollerblader is sliding along a street rail.

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The sign said "give way".

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He didn't give way.

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Other signs you need to pay attention to

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include "stop", "don't go in here",

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and "stay away from the tiger".

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This man is trying to skateboard for the first time.

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SONG: "Yeah Yeah Yeah Song" by The Flaming Lips

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He's got his own vibe.

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Will it catch on?

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Maybe.

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Another victory in skateboarding.

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-What the

-BLEEP

-hell?

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You know it's going badly when something that can't hit you back

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hits you back.

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This is street-luge.

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THEY SHOUT

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THEY LAUGH

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Now, I ain't no doctor, but in my medical opinion,

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he needs ice on that.

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If I was a doctor, by the way, I would be Dr Mr T,

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which would be pretty awesome!

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Up next, this.

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CLATTERING

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Who needs doors when you can enter through the roof?

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Now, listen to this true story.

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A 23-year-old man was stopped by police

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in a residential area at 2.15 in the morning.

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He had been driving his high-powered sports car erratically

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and was detained on suspicion of being drunk, and taken into custody.

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While waiting for the recovery car,

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the two officers who'd made the arrest

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started admiring the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution 8,

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which has a top speed of 175 miles per hour.

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Climbing inside, they decided to take it for a spin.

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Moments later, they had ploughed the turbocharged car

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through the gardens of two luxury homes

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and flipped it on its side.

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The £50,000 car was written off,

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and the unharmed police officers were suspended from duty.

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Glastonbury, Reading, the Isle of Wight.

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What does all these places have in common?

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That's right - I don't know where any of 'em are.

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But if you going to a musical festival, you might want to pay attention.

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Here's some rules for festival fools.

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Rule number one - if you take your car,

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watch out when you're parking. There's going to be a lot of mud.

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SHOUTING AND CHEERING

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Rule number two - put your tent up before you start drinking alcohol.

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SONG: "Kids That Love To Dance" by Professor Green

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# It's a long day

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# When you're rolling and rocking

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# And the spin isn't stopping

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# When you don't care where you are

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# It's the wrong day

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# If you're looking for sober

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# You can find him hung over

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# With the kids who love to dance

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# Love to dance...

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Rule number three - put your hat on before you start drinking alcohol.

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What a fool!

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Rule number four - put your flip-flops on before...

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Ah, forget it! These guys ain't listening anyway.

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# It's a long day

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# When you're rolling and rocking

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# And the spin isn't stopping

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# When you don't care where you are

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# It's the wrong day

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# If you're looking for sober

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# You can find him hung over

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-# With the kids who love to dance

-# Love to dance

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-# Love to dance

-# Love to what?

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# Love to dance

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# We're the kids that love to dance. #

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SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

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Rule number five - if you're going to the toilet,

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make sure you read the signs correctly.

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SHE CONTINUES IN DUTCH

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Oh. Oh!

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This isn't a urinal, is it?

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SHE LAUGHS

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I think it is, man.

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Whoa!

0:25:050:25:07

-Whoa.

-SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

0:25:070:25:10

-For the record... is it un piss buck?

-Yeah.

0:25:140:25:17

I guess we've all learned some Dutch today!

0:25:170:25:20

SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

0:25:200:25:22

Rule number six - if you're going to do a stage dive,

0:25:230:25:26

make sure the crowd knows!

0:25:260:25:28

THEY GROAN

0:25:330:25:35

THEY CHEER

0:25:350:25:38

Sometimes music, it make you do crazy things.

0:25:520:25:54

Take a listen to this.

0:25:540:25:56

RINGING TONE

0:25:560:25:59

LINE GOES DEAD

0:26:220:26:24

That's all we got time for today. I hope you enjoyed yourself,

0:26:240:26:27

and more importantly, I hope you learned something.

0:26:270:26:30

I'm going to leave you with one last thought.

0:26:300:26:32

It takes a smart man to play dumb. See you next time!

0:26:320:26:36

So long, suckers.

0:26:360:26:38

# I pity the fool

0:26:380:26:41

# I said I pity the fool

0:26:440:26:47

# I pity the fool

0:26:510:26:54

# I say

0:26:570:26:59

# I pity the fool

0:26:590:27:02

# That fall in love with you

0:27:050:27:08

# And expect you to be true

0:27:080:27:11

# Oh, I pity the fool

0:27:110:27:13

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:210:27:24

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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