Episode 3 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Mr T is on a special mission.

He's been searching far and wide,

assembling an army of extraordinary individuals -

people who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

People who dare to do things differently.

People who aren't afraid to ask questions, like...

"Can I fit in that?" "What's through that door?"

and, "Do I really need a parachute?"

He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

He's found the world's craziest fools!

Listen, I can't talk now, sweetie. I'm doing my show.

OK. Bye.

That was my mountaineer coach, Sweetie.

He's training me to climb Everest.

I'm going to be the first man to do it barefoot

and with my eyes closed. But enough about me.

Let's talk about the show.

Today we got fools crashing into things,

we got fools breaking stuff,

we got fools falling all over the place. Let's do it!

SIREN WAILING

Mexico. This border-patrol cop has caught a van

full of illegal immigrants. Instead of calling for backup,

he tries to round them all up by himself.

SONG: "Ring The Alarm" by Beyonce

I tell you, this man is highly motivated!

Keep going, officer! This is your day to shine.

Another high-speed chase.

The suspect gets out of his car.

The policeman pulls over and starts running after him.

Only problem is, he left the handbrake off.

CRASHING

This officer and his car need to resolve their differences.

If you got a grudge, don't bring it to work.

Leave it at the door!

CRASHING

Florida. This cop is hungry.

He pulled over at the drive-through to buy himself some tasty nuggets.

Looks like he forgot he had a suspect in the back.

The suspect runs away!

You can't fight crime on an empty stomach.

You can't do nothing on an empty stomach.

That's why I have three square meals a day -

and I have breakfast.

This bank robber has just been pulled over after a high-speed chase.

Without realising it, the cops put a crucial piece of evidence

right in front of him.

When they're not looking, he gobbles it up!

"Oh, man! Where's that evidence?"

"What did we do with the evidence?"

They should ask me for help. I'd reach down that sucker's throat

and get it out for 'em.

Here's some Russian police trying to apprehend a tree.

THEY SHOUT

THEY LAUGH

That tree was charged with resisting arrest and assaulting an officer.

Now he's going to do hard time in a maximum-security correction facility.

THEY LAUGH

Brazil. Here's some more cops who forgot to lock their car,

and let a suspect escape.

I like the way these cops are thinking.

They had so much fun catching the guy the first time,

they let him go free. Now they can catch him all over again.

Riot police in Romania.

First one guy falls, then another drops his gun.

THEY SHOUT

That's it. You get all the clumsy stuff out of the way before you get to the riot -

then, when you get to the riot, that's when you put your business face on.

Clumsy stuff now, business later.

Being a policeman is tough work. You got to stay on top of your game,

24/7. Here's five tips on how to be a good cop.

SIREN WAILS

MUSIC: "THEME FROM THE SWEENEY"

Always keep your prime suspects close at hand.

Cor, that one on the right's a bit scrumptious!

Remember, just because you're a policeman

doesn't mean you're above the law, even if you are Italian

and all stylish, like Rufus Sewell in that Italian TV cop-show thingy.

Keep your eyes on the job at all times.

Yes, that goes for you, you naughty policeman.

Shame on you!

Keep practising those advanced driving skills.

If you end up upside down, the bad guys have probably got away.

The same goes for if you end up in a house -

unless that's the house where the bad guys live,

in which case, good work, officers.

Sometimes, when you're strong like me,

you end up breaking things by accident.

Take this banana, for example.

See? I just broke it by mistake.

Here's some other people who broke things by mistake.

Brazil. This man is trying to do a handstand on the back of a car.

His friend told him it was a bad idea, but he didn't believe him.

Sometimes you just got to learn the hard way.

That was the hard way.

A game of basketball in Turkey-land.

I hope you going to pay for that, fool,

or at least make some sort of contribution.

-Next up, this happens.

-You play as one team together?

-You need two controllers.

-Oh, to play against one another?

GLASS SHATTERS

-Oops!

-Oh, sorry. It slipped.

-It's all right.

This wouldn't have happened if he'd been outside playing proper sports,

like tennis. Or jousting!

Here's some kids from the United Kingdom of France.

There it is. I'm done.

Ping pong is not a real sport anyway.

Real sports involve putting on helmets, like American football.

Or jousting.

-THEY LAUGH

-Do I keep saying "jousting"?

I mean "baseball".

These guys are trying to move a bed by lowering it out the window.

-Ready?

-Yeah. Go ahead.

Make sure you push it, though, so it doesn't crack our... Oh, God!

-GLASS SHATTERS

-Now they broke the window.

That's what I call teamwork.

-THEY SHOUT AND CHATTER

-We broke the window!

We broke the window!

MAN YELLS

-THEY SHOUT

-Go!

-BLEEP.

There's only one way to find out how strong your body is,

and that's to put it to the test.

Go!

THEY LAUGH HE GROANS

This man is not as strong as he previously thought.

THEY LAUGH

This looks like a bad idea.

Why aren't these kids in school?

It makes me mad when I see kids not living up to their potential.

The roof's falling down.

This is sad to see. If I see much more of this,

I'm going to start crying.

Here's four guys carrying a statue.

CHOIR SINGING HYMN

ALL SHOUT AND SCREAM

Now the statue is in a hundred pieces -

one piece of statue for everyone in the room.

That's what we call sharing.

What's going to get broken here?

Dude!

Oh, my God, you buy me a new one!

Oh, my God! You idiot!

-Dude, you're buying me a new

-BLEEP

-windshield.

-Calm down!

Take it easy on him! Remember, he's your friend.

Friends forgive friends. That's what friends do.

SONG: "Boom Boom Pow" by The Black Eyed Peas

Don't jump, fool! You'll break something.

Why don't these people listen to me? Can he not hear me?

Am I not speaking loud enough?

Don't make me shout!

Don't be deceived by this guy.

He may look weak, but check out how strong he is.

All right. Just do it on the corner.

BOY LAUGHS

This guy is a man. In fact, he's a man's man.

In fact, he's a man's man's man.

No. That's too much.

He's just a man's man.

Breaking stuff is not a good idea. Remember, people,

take care of other people's possessions, and they'll take care of yours.

Also, drink milk!

A woman from Pennsylvania

came home one evening to find her house had been burgled.

Her windows were smashed and two diamond rings,

worth more than 3,000, had gone missing.

The woman was completely distraught

until she noticed that her computer was switched on.

It seemed the burglar had taken a break from robbing

to surf the internet and check his Facebook account.

He'd then forgotten to log off before he left.

Police had no trouble tracking him down.

The hapless but socially-connected burglar

now faces up to ten years behind bars.

HE LAUGHS

Seriously, don't mess with the law.

Some people ain't strong enough to pull a car with their bare hands.

They have to get a little help from Mr Rope.

Be careful with Mr Rope. He's a nice guy,

but he'll snap at any time. Take a look at this.

These suckers are trying to tow a trailer out of a garage.

SONG: "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly

MAN LAUGHING

Caravan holidays ain't no fun anyway.

Now you can stay at home and do DIY instead.

Most people like to tow a car on its wheels.

This guy is going for the more exciting option

of towing the car on its roof. He just made his job twice as fun.

This is a great day for towing.

This car is stuck in the snow.

How do you tow a car out of the snow?

I'll tell you - one piece at a time.

I said stop, let him tow!

Stop, stop, stop!

Now all you need to do is pull off all the other bits,

then put it back together again.

Easy!

Here's another car stuck in the snow.

Don't look like a car to me.

It looks more like a little tiny toy that children play with.

Do people really drive in that thing?

How do they fit inside?

HORN BEEPS

MEN LAUGHING

Error!

OK, listen up. Mr T's got a physics question for you.

A car is driving up the hill with a caravan.

They're going at a speed of 30 miles per hour.

The caravan weighs two tons.

The hill has a gradient of 20 degrees.

Here's the question. Why is my hair so soft and bouncy?

METAL CRUNCHES

The answer - because I wash it every day

with a mixture of lemon and honey.

Try it! It does work.

METAL CRUNCHES

This truck is stuck in the mud.

I have no idea how it got stuck in the mud.

That's probably a different funny clip.

This funny clip is all about towing.

-MAN SHOUTING

-Damn, dude! Holy

-BLEEP!

Who are all these people?

They just hanging around doing nothing.

Imagine how much they could achieve

if they got together and did something!

They could build a new school, or discover a new planet!

This AA van is towing a car back to the garage.

That did not work out according to plan.

At least I hope it didn't. If that was the plan,

it was a bad plan.

Those bollards creep up all over the place.

Here's some more cars that have been attacked from underneath in a vicious manner.

SONG: "Stuck On You" by Lionel Richie

Now, take a listen to this phone call.

RINGING TONE

I like this kid. He couldn't do his homework,

so he rang someone he thought could help him.

Remember - there ain't no shame in sharing the pain.

Back in the '80s, I invented something called the wheel.

Since then, mankind has been able to travel around the world with ease.

You're welcome. But despite the success of my invention,

not everyone has come to grips with it.

MAN YELLS

Boom!

Don't worry. You will get there one day.

I don't know where "there" is, but you'll get there.

Here's a tip.

Argh!

If you're going to ride a bicycle up a ramp,

make sure you ride the bicycle up the ramp!

Argh!

Cycling is good. Running on a treadmill is good.

LAUGHTER

This kid just combined those two good things

to create something...not good.

This guy is trying to ride a ramp onto a roof.

Don't worry. He's OK.

It's a shame he didn't make it,

because it's awesome on top of the roof. I know. I been there.

What's going on here?

-First time, bro.

-OK, I'm just going to jolt forward,

get a head start, you know what I'm saying?

-Do it.

-OK.

-MAN LAUGHING

-Agh!

-Ow!

-BLEEP!

-Ow!

Nice move! If you want your shop shut quickly,

this is your guy.

This rollerblader is sliding along a street rail.

The sign said "give way".

He didn't give way.

Other signs you need to pay attention to

include "stop", "don't go in here",

and "stay away from the tiger".

This man is trying to skateboard for the first time.

SONG: "Yeah Yeah Yeah Song" by The Flaming Lips

He's got his own vibe.

Will it catch on?

Maybe.

Another victory in skateboarding.

-What the

-BLEEP

-hell?

You know it's going badly when something that can't hit you back

hits you back.

This is street-luge.

THEY SHOUT

THEY LAUGH

Now, I ain't no doctor, but in my medical opinion,

he needs ice on that.

If I was a doctor, by the way, I would be Dr Mr T,

which would be pretty awesome!

Up next, this.

CLATTERING

Who needs doors when you can enter through the roof?

Now, listen to this true story.

A 23-year-old man was stopped by police

in a residential area at 2.15 in the morning.

He had been driving his high-powered sports car erratically

and was detained on suspicion of being drunk, and taken into custody.

While waiting for the recovery car,

the two officers who'd made the arrest

started admiring the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution 8,

which has a top speed of 175 miles per hour.

Climbing inside, they decided to take it for a spin.

Moments later, they had ploughed the turbocharged car

through the gardens of two luxury homes

and flipped it on its side.

The £50,000 car was written off,

and the unharmed police officers were suspended from duty.

Glastonbury, Reading, the Isle of Wight.

What does all these places have in common?

That's right - I don't know where any of 'em are.

But if you going to a musical festival, you might want to pay attention.

Here's some rules for festival fools.

Rule number one - if you take your car,

watch out when you're parking. There's going to be a lot of mud.

SHOUTING AND CHEERING

Rule number two - put your tent up before you start drinking alcohol.

SONG: "Kids That Love To Dance" by Professor Green

# It's a long day

# When you're rolling and rocking

# And the spin isn't stopping

# When you don't care where you are

# It's the wrong day

# If you're looking for sober

# You can find him hung over

# With the kids who love to dance

# Love to dance...

Rule number three - put your hat on before you start drinking alcohol.

What a fool!

Rule number four - put your flip-flops on before...

Ah, forget it! These guys ain't listening anyway.

# It's a long day

# When you're rolling and rocking

# And the spin isn't stopping

# When you don't care where you are

# It's the wrong day

# If you're looking for sober

# You can find him hung over

-# With the kids who love to dance

-# Love to dance

-# Love to dance

-# Love to what?

# Love to dance

# We're the kids that love to dance. #

SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

Rule number five - if you're going to the toilet,

make sure you read the signs correctly.

SHE CONTINUES IN DUTCH

Oh. Oh!

This isn't a urinal, is it?

SHE LAUGHS

I think it is, man.

Whoa!

-Whoa.

-SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

-For the record... is it un piss buck?

-Yeah.

I guess we've all learned some Dutch today!

SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

Rule number six - if you're going to do a stage dive,

make sure the crowd knows!

THEY GROAN

THEY CHEER

Sometimes music, it make you do crazy things.

Take a listen to this.

RINGING TONE

LINE GOES DEAD

That's all we got time for today. I hope you enjoyed yourself,

and more importantly, I hope you learned something.

I'm going to leave you with one last thought.

It takes a smart man to play dumb. See you next time!

So long, suckers.

# I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# I pity the fool

# I say

# I pity the fool

# That fall in love with you

# And expect you to be true

# Oh, I pity the fool

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd