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The following show is full of fools doing foolish things.
Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,
you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.
Mr T is on a special mission.
He's been searching far and wide,
assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.
People who boldly venture where others fear to tread,
people who dare to do things differently.
People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"
"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"
He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.
He's found the world's craziest fools.
Hey, you. Shut up!
If you weren't talking, shut up anyway.
My name is Mr T and you're watching my show.
Today we got fools wrestling snakes,
we got fools falling off ladders.
We got fools going one on one with nature and losing.
We got all kind of crazy stuff. First, this thing is happening.
Fools walking into stuff.
Some days you feel like it's you against the world.
Here's some days when the world won.
Check out this guy. He's late for a meeting.
Don't worry about it.
Take off that shirt, go into that meeting
and give the best presentation you've ever given in your life.
And then ask for a pay raise.
This is CCTV from a shop in Canada.
That's a lesson for you all.
Just because something is pink, don't mean it can't kick your butt.
An electronics shop in America.
Watch out for that woman in the top left hand corner.
Don't mess with windows. They don't care about your feelings.
They are selfish and mean.
Keep your eye on the door on the right.
It's not a door. You just made the same mistake he did. Suckers!
See how easy it is?
At last, here's a guy who listened to Mr T.
That's right. Always use your head.
Now take a look at these fools.
MUSIC: "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J
Next time you're walking down a street, keep your eyes and ears open.
I don't want to see you getting hurt.
If I find out you went and got yourself hurt,
I will hunt you down and hurt you myself.
A lot of people go around talking about dumb animals.
What they don't know is, a lot of animals go around talking about dumb people.
She's a wonderful critter...
Australia. This guy's about to take on a spider.
..they move lightning fast, that's how they catch their prey.
I'll try to catch her with my best spider sensor, this food container.
-Can you see Daddy and spider?
-Yeah, I can.
Decided to get a bigger container
because of the size of this one. I'll have to be really quick.
Here's a tip.
Never mess with something with four times as many legs as you.
That's just basic math!
Chengdu Zoo in China.
This guy is about to show us
why you shouldn't stand too close to the panda cage.
That's a nice jacket.
This panda's going to be the best dressed animal in the zoo.
Check this out.
You know what this guy's problem is? He's too sexy.
He's driving those monkeys wild with his sexiness.
They can't help themselves!
If you're this sexy, don't go to the zoo.
Now take a look at this fool.
The lesson here, always be vigilant.
You never know where an attack is coming from.
Welcome to the USA.
MAN: No, I don't know about that...
No, I don't know about that...
I pity the fool!
What's going on here?!
This is all kinds of wrong.
Let's look at this again.
Here's what happens if you get too close to a horse's butt.
You end up looking like a horse's butt.
Those horse shoes don't seem too lucky now, do they? Sucker!
Now you know what happens when you go messing with wild animals.
But I've got news for you. Keeping them as pets ain't good either.
Now listen to this real-life police call.
I'm just driving along having a nice day out.
Oh, no, what's happening? I left the handbrake off. Boom!
You just witnessed an example of how an accident happens.
Here's a bunch of people who left their handbrakes off. Take a look.
Mexico. This guy pulled up to a store.
Maybe he wants to buy himself a certain delicious chocolate bar with nuts in it.
MUSIC: "Forget You" by Cee-Lo Green
He's thinking, "Where did my truck go? Where did I leave it again?"
"Maybe I left it inside the shop!"
"Inside or outside, I wish I could remember where I parked it."
An underground parking garage.
Here's a curious guy.
He wants to see if he can park his car, buy a ticket
and open the parking gate at the same time.
This teacher forgot to put his handbrake on
and ended up chasing his BMW down a hill.
Get in, get in, get in, get it, get it!
Chasing a car is a great way to exercise.
Exercise is important to keep your body healthy and toned.
I do 3,000 press-ups a day, then I have breakfast.
Things are pretty slow round here.
It must be boring being the security guard,
sitting around watching CCTV all day.
That's why this nice driver has decided to liven things up a bit.
It's important to make people laugh.
I employ seven people to keep me entertained with jokes on a daily basis.
That's why I'm always in a such good mood.
MR T LAUGHS
This bus driver forgot to put his handbrake on,
then got his arm stuck in the door.
It's a nice try, but there are only two people in the world
who can stop a runaway bus.
And I'm both of 'em.
In this showroom, someone's just about to buy a brand-new vehicle.
Before you sign on the dotted line,
I recommend not signing on the dotted line.
You might want to buy a car that comes with a handbrake instead.
This lady parked up and is off to do some shopping.
Let's see. Hmm...
Milk, eggs, washing up liquid...
Oh! You'd better get a brand-new car while you're at it.
Also get me some chicken, I'm hungry.
This lady is stuck in the snow.
She gets out of her car to push but ends up losing control.
She's an idiot. She's left her car in gear, and she comes out.
It's about to hit the house.
Oh, my God!
What a fool!
Welcome to Russia. Something exciting is about to go down.
This is what happened when it snowed.
If it snows, I recommend that you stay indoors and watch The A-Team.
This mailman in America pulls up to a gas station and forgets to put his handbrake on.
The van rolls straight onto a busy highway.
Then, amazingly, it rolls straight back around again.
Right back into place.
Someone better give that van a promotion.
Also, give it a raise.
Whatever that van's earning, double it!
Now take a listen to this phone call.
I once got locked in a car with nothing but two coathangers, and my furry dice and a blow torch.
I built a helicopter and flew my way out!
A lot of people drink to forget. Well, I got news for you. No matter
how much you drink, you'll never forget doing stupid stuff like this.
Here's a guy who had too much beer.
He's attempting to buy MORE beer.
He really doesn't need any more beer.
Luckily for him, his legs and his arms are aware of the problem.
They're doing everything they can to prevent him from getting more beer.
The human body is a wonderful thing. It never ceases to amaze me.
Most people go for a drink AFTER work. But this guy in Poland is trying a different approach.
He's seeing what it's like to have a few drinks BEFORE he goes to work.
I could have told him what it's like! It's like all kinda stupid.
If you have a job, it's important,
so he shouldn't be going to work drunk,
he should be going to work alert.
Here's a guy who's dressed as Santa Claus. He's drunk and he's out of control.
It could be worse. He could be out on his sleigh, posing a dangerous hazard to people in the sky.
What do you call two drunk Russians rolling around in the mud?
I call it friendship. It's a beautiful thing.
I could watch this for hours.
I've seen enough. End this.
Is there a quicker way to put on your helmet than the traditional method?
This Ukrainian guy is trying to find out.
It might be time to give up now.
I don't think that breakthrough is coming.
Take a look at this drunk guy.
He's trying to put his trousers on where his shirt should be.
They're laughing at him. But so what?
They laughed at Columbus when he said the Earth was round.
In 100 years' time, we might ALL be wearing our trousers on our arms.
Here's a couple of drunk ladies taking it out on each other with their handbags.
It's good to get grievances off your chest,
but make sure you stay in control.
Anger - use it, but don't lose it.
Up next, this.
Hello there, mate.
No good? Too much drinking!
Too much drinking, eh?
Oh, whoa! Whoa!
How do you test the strength of a fence?
This drunken Australian guy knows exactly how.
Now we know exactly how strong it is!
Not quite strong enough to lean on.
THEY SCREAM WITH LAUGHTER
That was exciting. What's next?
In my time, I've been a wrestler,
a soldier, a bouncer, a bodyguard, a television and a film actor.
I know work can be tough.
This section, in honour of good men and women who keep on going, no matter what stands in their way.
# Sometimes there's gonna be days like this... #
Italy. This guy has been called to repair a surveillance camera.
Well, the camera works!
This man had just made sure his moment has been recorded in history.
This guy is trying to get some boxes out of a truck.
The boxes are now out of the truck.
I can't imagine a way to get them out of the truck quicker.
This was a successful truck-emptying mission.
What's going on here?
I'm going to assume these guys were hired
to knock down those two glass doors at the front of the building.
Having made that assumption, I would say these guys have done a pretty good job.
Mexico, and this cleaner's taking a new approach to washing automatic doors.
Now, those guys filming her are laughing, but I think she's a genius. Why do all the work?
Just hold them up still and make the doors work for you.
Next up, Texas.
Now we don't have to strain ourselves reaching for those top-shelf items.
We can just pick them right off the floor!
These guys have just spent hours loading all those trolleys onto the back of a truck.
Now we know why the wheels on those things are always messed up!
Locker rooms can be boring.
Here's how to make them fun.
I love dominoes. It's a great way to make boring afternoons fly by.
You're looking at a supermarket.
Don't worry, this lady won't be defeated.
She'll learn from this and come back stronger.
These glass doors aren't opening properly, so along come a couple of guys to try to fix it.
That did it.
Ain't no problem getting in and out now!
Next up, this happens.
Just cut it. Just cut it.
Come on now.
-You better get that rope!
I'm not sure what this guy is trying to accomplish.
But if it's falling, then this is a win.
Now listen to this true story.
A Hong Kong man aged 50 entered the accident and emergency department
at a hospital complaining of abdominal pain.
Wondering what had caused this problem, doctors ordered an X-ray
and spotted what appeared to be an eel inside his colon.
Yes, the man admitted, there was an eel inside him.
He'd been suffering from constipation,
he told the dubious medical staff,
and thought that inserting an eel into his rectum would relieve it.
The man was rushed to the operating room where an emergency proctoscopy
disclosed that a 50cm eel was biting the side of his colon.
The eel had also taken a bite out of his rectal wall in transit.
After surgeons removed the animal and reconstructed his rectum,
the man's pain was cured.
Also, he discovered that he was no longer constipated. Hurrah.
Now watch this!
I think that's gone into the foul zone.
A rolled up copy of Church Times magazine.
Get thee behind me, Satan!
A bottle of Mrs Butterworth's delicious syrup.
It goes well with chocolate pancakes.
A pair of reading glasses.
Whatever they were looking for, I hope they found it.
Number five. A lightbulb. Whose bright idea was that?
That's it, the show's over.
I know it makes you sad, but guess what! It's OK to cry.
Real men aren't afraid to show their tears.
Like my mother always said, never trust a man who don't cry.
See you next time.
So long, suckers!
# I pity the fool
# I said I pity the fool
# Mmm, I pity the fool
# I said I pity the fool
# That falls in love with you
# And expects you to be true Oh, I pity the fool
# Look at the people
# I know you're wondering what they're doing
# They're just standing there
# Watching you make a fool of me... #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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