Episode 8 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 8

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Mr T is on a special mission.

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He's been searching far and wide,

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assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

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People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

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People who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

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"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"

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He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

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He's found the world's craziest fools.

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I see you there, slouching on your couch, eating your fish and chips,

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drinking your Earl Grey tea.

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You best straighten up and pay attention, cos you're watching my show.

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We got fools flying out of cannons,

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we got fools wrestling with toilet seats,

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we got fools playing chicken with ice-cream trucks!

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Are you excited? I'm excited.

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Let's get excited together. Start the show.

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Back in the '80s, I invented the motorcycle.

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The idea came to me one evening when I was having a massage.

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I thought about motorcars, then I thought about bicycles,

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then I thought about combining the two.

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Boom! The motorcycle was born.

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Some people still haven't gotten the hang of them.

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Here's the rules for biking fools.

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Rule number one - before you hit the road, check to see if your brakes work.

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Rule number two - riding outdoors is better than riding indoors.

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SCREAMING

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That goes for all things with wheels and engines.

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Rule number four -

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work out which one's the brake before you start riding.

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Boom!

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Don't worry, he's OK.

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Rule number five - don't take on a machine you can't handle.

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MAN LAUGHS

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If you've got skinny arms and skinny legs, stick to bicycles.

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Rule number six - keep your helmet on at all times.

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-Rule number seven...

-Look at him, man!

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He's on his phone! He's texting.

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Bike time and texting time are two separate times.

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Don't get them mixed up.

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He's just chilling!

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That's crazy, dude!

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LAUGHTER

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Rule number eight -

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bikes are for getting from A to B.

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If you want to be a show-off, join the circus.

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-Oh,

-BLEEP!

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What a fool!

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LAUGHTER

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Now take a look at these fools!

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# Heads up!

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# Heads up!

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# Here's another one

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# And a, and another one Yeek-yeek!

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# Why you all in my ear?

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# Talking a whole bunch of ... that I ain't trying to hear

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# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

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# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

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# Yeek-yeek! # Why you all in my ear?

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# Talking a whole bunch of ... that I ain't trying to hear

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# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

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# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

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# Whoop, whoop I ain't playing around

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# Make one false move I'll take you down

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# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

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# Get back, get back You don't know me like that... #

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Let's hear it for these crazy bikers and put your hands together!

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Life is a journey.

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On that journey, you take lots of smaller journeys.

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This section is about fun stuff that can happen when you're trying to get from A to B.

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Sit back and enjoy.

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The Netherlands in Holland, watch out for the guy in the background.

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Did you see him? Of course you did, because I told you,

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listening to Mr T always pays off.

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This is how they cross the platforms in India.

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Next time, I would advise sticking to the bridge.

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Getting hit by a train is not a great way to start your day.

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There are two ways to go up an escalator,

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standing and walking, right?

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Wrong. This guy's just invented a third way.

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I don't know what it's called, but it looks like it's working for him.

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Check out this guy.

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He's gone and put his head where he shouldn't put his head,

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and now he's stuck.

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Look after your head, people, it's where all the happy thoughts are made.

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# Is he a Yankee? No, I'm a Londoner... #

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Whoa! Watch out there, old timer.

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You got to look left and right before you cross the road.

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Also, look straight ahead.

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Basically, look! Remember to look.

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Riding the train to work can be dull.

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These guys are spicing it up with a game

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of "How many people can you fit into one train?"

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As you can see, they're pretty good at it.

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Other games you can play on the train include "Who's touching my leg?"

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"What's that in your pocket?" And, "Am I facing up or down?"

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Rush hour in Baghdad.

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HORNS HONK

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Who needs traffic lights?

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Getting to work would be much more fun

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if everyone could just drive wherever the heck they please.

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You might get in late and your car might be smashed up, but hey!

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I bet you have some stories.

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These two ladies are going the wrong way down a travelator.

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Look at this couple.

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They've been trying this for, like, five minutes now.

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I think they're going to make it, but the big decision here

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is if they're going to continue on the other escalator

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in front of them right there.

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Oh, my gosh, she's going for it.

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Oh, my gosh!

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No! Oh, my goodness!

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Or maybe they were going the right way. Ever think about that?

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Maybe they're going exactly the way they want to go and they just like to exercise.

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No freaking way!

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Welcome to China.

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Oh, my God!

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We are on the freeway and our taxi driver...

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Has decided that Will gave him the worst...

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Directions.

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So he decided to make a U-turn on the freeway

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and we're riding on the shoulder in the fast lane against traffic.

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And we're coming off the shoulder into the so-called bus lane.

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This is what they do here in parts of China.

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I guess you can't do this in Beijing, right? But we're not in Beijing.

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Remember - next time, take the bus.

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My God! We're going...

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We're going to get killed.

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It seems like a lot of you out there are not being as careful as you could be.

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Have a listen to this.

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Police in Florida were called to the scene of a nasty motorway pile-up during rush hour.

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After interviewing the drivers involved, they discovered

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that the crash had been caused by a rather unusual reason.

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A female commuter on her way back from the office for a date with her boyfriend

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had decided to save time by getting herself ready in her car.

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While behind the wheel, she had changed her clothes,

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put on her make-up and lipstick,

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and then proceeded to give herself a bikini wax.

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It was this final procedure that had caused the pile-up.

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No-one was hurt and the woman was charged with reckless driving.

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Everybody likes to let their hair down once in a while and have a party.

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If you're going to be a party animal, there's no point in being

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a cuddly party animal, like a party kitten or a party hamster.

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You might as well be a party tiger.

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Check out these wild things. HE GROWLS

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Welcome to the USA.

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How do you know when you've had too much tequila?

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You're dribbling all over my face!

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-You mess with my make-up, I'm going to be

-BLEEP

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When this happens.

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Listen up, ladies - gravity don't care how hot you are.

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You mess with gravity, you lose.

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Here's another clue that you might have had too much happy juice.

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# Let's go, party rock is in the house tonight... #

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You know you're drunk

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when the ground walks up to you and punches you in the face.

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# ..We're gonna make you Lose your mind

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# Everybody just have a good time... #

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If you wake up and find you have fallen asleep

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in a place that doesn't resemble your bedroom,

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that's also a bad sign.

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# ..And we're gonna make you lose your mind

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# We just wanna see you... #

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Fred and Jamie, I wish you guys the best.

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This guy's recording a message at a wedding.

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Keep your eye on the lady in the background.

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Remember that you need two things - you need to understand each other,

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cos you're two separate individuals coming together,

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entering one relationship and making it work.

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It's really hard to do, but with love and understanding,

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you should be always able to do it.

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Now, that's what I call a special message.

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If you're going to commit something to camera,

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make sure it's colourful and eye-catching.

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The bride and groom will remember it forever.

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Now take a look at these fools.

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Three, two, one.

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-Are you

-BLEEP

-serious?!

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LAUGHTER

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Take it easy on him.

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Remember, he's your friend.

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Friends forgive friends. that's what friends do.

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Check out this superstar.

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He lost his shirt, but he's not letting it get him down.

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HE MUMBLES

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-Supposedly, I got...

-Whoa!

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-Now he's falling down the stairs!

-Oh! Oh!

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I bet he won't let that get him down either.

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Nothing is going to get this guy down, he's ungetdownable.

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I like that new word, help me spread it.

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-Jessie, did you puke yet?

-Mm-mm.

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What are you waiting for?

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Yeah.

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That's it, Jessie.

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If you're going down, you might as well take the toilet seat with you.

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If you drink too much, pretty soon you're going to go sleepy bye-byes.

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That's when your friends are going to come along and take pictures of you, and they will.

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Here's five dumb drunk fools in photos.

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Number one.

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Note to self - drink less rum and more cola in my rum and cola.

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Number two.

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The good news is, you've made it through to the next round

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of Britain's Got Talent.

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Number three.

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Ah, the circle of life in all its glory.

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Number four.

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Has anyone seen Steve?

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Have you tried the glove compartment?

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Number five.

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You think this is bad?

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Last week he woke up next to a mouse.

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Now, here in Britain, when you've had too much to drink,

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you like to get yourself a kebab.

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Have a listen to this dumb fool.

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PHONE RINGS

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The police have got enough problems without people wasting their times.

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If I find out who that man is, I'm going to go round his house

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and waste his time and see how much he likes it.

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I was in a warehouse once.

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I was surrounded by 200 bad guys with machine guns.

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I built myself a tank and busted my way out of there.

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Actually, that didn't happen.

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It was on a TV show, or maybe it was a dream.

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Either way, here's some clips of people in warehouses.

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Here's a guy messing around with boxes.

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Now put a stamp on him and send him to Hawaii.

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That guy deserves a little sunshine in his life.

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You're about to witness a guy in a forklift smashing up some bottles.

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Good news! You've now got yourself a great big pile of smashed glass.

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Smashed glass is great for making sand, or sprinkle it onto the roads

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to stop bad guys from chasing you.

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Either way, that ain't going to waste!

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Here's a question for you.

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What do you do when you want all your shelves annihilated?

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# ..Work, work, work, senora Work it all the time

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# You can talk about cha-cha Tango, waltz or the rumba

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# Senora's dance has no title

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# You jump in the saddle Hold on to the bridle

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# Jump in the line Rock your body in time

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# OK, I believe you!

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# Jump in the line Rock your body in time

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# Rock your body, child!

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# Jump in the line

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# Rock your body in time Somebody help me!

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# Jump in the line Rock your body in time... #

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Easy! Just hire this guy.

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He's great at shelf annihilation, some say he's the best.

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More crazy stuff, this time in a warehouse in Serbia.

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I have a warehouse like this, it's filled with protein shakes.

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I go through 200 a week.

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My favourite flavour is banana.

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Ooh, I hate raspberry!

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It's another forklift, and this one don't take attitude from no-one.

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Boom! You show that garage door who's boss.

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Let's see if it tries to disrespect you again.

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Here's another door that needs to be taught a lesson.

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That's it, you tell it firm and you tell it straight.

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These doors around here are getting too big for their hinges.

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This new car is being rolled out of the car factory.

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The good news is, you're right next to the factory.

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If there's ever a good place to have a car accident, it's next to the car factory!

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What's the quickest way to get stuff down from the top shelves?

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That's right, gravity.

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When forklifts and gravity combine, it's a beautiful thing,

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man and nature working together in harmony.

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MR T GROWLS

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Sometimes it's good to be a show-off, it means you're proud of yourself,

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and if you're proud of yourself, you want other people to be proud of you too.

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Take a look at these guys.

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Check out this guy.

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It must be his birthday.

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Going streaking!

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LAUGHTER

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The body is a beautiful thing. Be proud of it, show it off!

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But don't bring it anywhere near me.

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The most back-flips in a row ever.

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This guy wants the whole world to see how great he is at pogo back-flips.

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He was pretty amazing, right up to the point where he fell over.

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This guy's screaming, "Look at me! Look at me!"

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Lots of people looked at him.

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He got his wish. That's how dreams come true, people.

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# Everybody dance now! #

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Sometimes you just want to dance.

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For the man on the car, this is one of those times.

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When the rhythm gets hold of you, don't fight it, let it in!

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If you have an embarrassing fall like this, don't worry about it.

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Just turn it into a stylish breakdance move,

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pretend that's what you wanted to do in the first place.

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Some people just can't help showing off for the camera.

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And you can see why. look at the camera lapping him up.

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It's hard to take your eyes off him.

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You dumb fool!

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..In conclusion, I'm going to be taking you through the first stage...

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He's fallen over, but that's OK.

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You have to take the rough with the smooth.

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This town's been hit by a lot of rain.

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Is this man crying about it?

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Negative. He's out on the street,

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tubing off the back of a car, making the most out of a bad situation.

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Boom!

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Pain time now, but he'll laugh about this tomorrow.

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He will look back and call this a great day.

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Some people can't run as fast as me.

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That's why back in the '80s, I invented something called a motorway.

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You may have heard of it.

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It's a big road where people drive real fast and crazy stuff happens.

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Take a look at this.

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Keep your eye on the car in front.

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It's got an interesting passenger in the back seat.

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-There's a horse in the car!

-Smile, horsie!

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-Ha! There's a horse in the car!

-I like this horse.

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I like the look on his face.

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"Yeah, I'm a horse, and I'm in a car. What's the big deal?

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"You don't expect me to take the bus, did you?"

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Next up, this.

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So, we're driving on the freeway

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and I look over...

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and this guy's reading a book.

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Wait!

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-Is that a

-BLEEP

-iPad?

-I think it's a Kindle.

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Is that a Kindle AND a book?

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The only way this is OK is if this guy's reading the Highway Code.

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-LAUGHTER

-No way!

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Turn to page 35, fool. You see what you're doing is illegal.

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# Now shut up and drive Drive, drive, drive

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# Shut up and drive... #

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Albania. This guy's seeing what it's like without tyres on his wheel.

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Looks like it's working for him.

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I'd like to what other bits in the car that he can do without.

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Doors? Don't need 'em. Seats? Get rid of 'em.

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Radio? Actually, let's keep the radio.

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I'm enjoying listening to Olly Murs.

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This truck driver is tired of being weighed down by his heavy load.

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That's better. Now he'll get to his destination twice as fast.

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He's freed up some time for a quick workout.

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You know what gets me about motorways?

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There's nowhere to pull over.

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What do you do if you want to stop and have a snack?

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That's it.

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Just park right there in the middle of the roundabout.

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Nice thinking!

0:24:570:24:58

Welcome to the USA. Keep your eye on the bridge.

0:25:000:25:03

Congratulations, sir. You now own the world's first convertible lorry.

0:25:090:25:14

Just because you sitting in the car

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doesn't mean you can't catch up on your exercise.

0:25:200:25:23

This guy's showing how to work those triceps

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while also keeping your windshield nice and clean.

0:25:260:25:30

I love ice cream, I love chocolate ice cream.

0:25:380:25:42

I love strawberry ice cream, I love vanilla ice cream.

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What I don't like? I'll tell you.

0:25:460:25:48

I don't like people who don't like ice cream.

0:25:480:25:51

Take a listen to this.

0:25:510:25:53

PHONE RINGS

0:25:580:25:59

That's the end of the show.

0:26:540:26:56

Also, it's the end of the series. I want to thank you all for watching.

0:26:560:27:00

I really enjoyed your company.

0:27:000:27:03

Before I say goodbye for the last time,

0:27:030:27:05

I want to share with you my final, final thought.

0:27:050:27:08

Don't go around thinking you're better than anyone else.

0:27:080:27:11

Be humble, show a little respect,

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because remember, we all play the fool sometimes.

0:27:140:27:17

See you soon. So long, suckers.

0:27:170:27:20

Huh! Huh! Huh!

0:27:200:27:22

# I pity the fool... #

0:27:220:27:24

Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!

0:27:240:27:26

# I said... #

0:27:260:27:28

-Pow!

-# I pity the fool... #

0:27:280:27:30

Huh! Huh! Huh! Uh!

0:27:300:27:32

-Pow!

-# ..Oh-oh, I pity the fool

0:27:320:27:39

# You know I pity the fool

0:27:410:27:45

# Who falls in love with you

0:27:500:27:54

# Expects for you to be true

0:27:540:27:57

# Oh, I pity the fool

0:27:570:28:00

# Look at the people... #

0:28:050:28:08

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:090:28:12

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:120:28:14

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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