Episode 10 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Mr T is on a special mission.

He's been searching far and wide,

assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

People who dare to do things differently.

People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"

He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

He's found the world's craziest fools.

I see you there, slouching on your couch, eating your fish and chips,

drinking your Earl Grey tea.

You best straighten up and pay attention, because you're watching my show.

We got fools flying out of cannons,

we got fools wrestling with toilet seats,

we got fools playing chicken with ice cream trucks!

Are you excited? I'm excited.

Let's get excited together. Start the show.

Motorbike fools!

Back in the '80s, I invented the motorcycle.

The idea came to me one evening when I was having a massage.

I thought about motor cars, then I thought about bicycles,

then I thought about combining the two.

Boom! The motorcycle was born.

Some people still haven't gotten the hang of them.

Here's the rules for biking fools.

Rule number one - before you hit the road, check to see if your brakes work.

Rule number two - riding outdoors is better than riding indoors.

SCREAMING

That goes for all things with wheels and engines.

Rule number three - bikes come with seats for a reason.

Stay on them.

# Gonna ride my bike until I get home... #

What a fool!

Rule number four -

work out which one's the brake before you start riding.

Boom!

Don't worry, he's OK.

Rule number five - don't take on a machine you can't handle.

MAN LAUGHS

If you've got skinny arms and skinny legs, stick to bicycles.

Rule number six - keep your helmet on at all times.

-Rule number seven...

-Look at him, man!

He's on his phone! He's texting.

Bike time and texting time are two separate times.

Don't get them mixed up.

# Gonna ride my bike until I get home... #

He's just chilling!

That's crazy, dude!

LAUGHTER

Rule number eight -

bikes are for getting from A to B.

If you want to be a show-off, join the circus.

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

What a fool!

LAUGHTER

Now take a look at these fools!

# Heads up! Heads up!

# Here's another one

# And another one Yeek-yeek!

# Why you all in my ear?

# Talking a whole bunch of ... that I ain't trying to hear

# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

# Yeek-yeek! I ain't playing around

# Make one false move I'll take you down

# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

# Get back, get back You don't know me like that

# S-S-So come on Come on

# Don't ... Get swung on, swung on

# It's the knick-knack paddy whack still riding Cadillacs

# Family off the street Made my homies put the baggies back

# Still stacking plaques

# Still action packed and dope I keep it flipping like acrobats

# That's why I pack a ... That'll crack 'em back

# Cos on my waist there's more heat than the Shaq attack

# But I ain't speaking about balling, balling

# Just thinking about brawling till y'all start bawling

# We all in together now Birds of a feather now

# Just bought a plane So we changing the weather now

# So put your brakes on cap Put your capes on

# Or knock off your block Get dropped and have your face flown

# Whoo! We in the red-light district

# We in the red-light district

# Whoo! We in the red-light district

# Whoo! The red-light district

# The red-light district... #

Let's hear it for these crazy bikers and put your hands together!

SCREAMING

Life is a journey.

On that journey, you take lots of smaller journeys.

This section is about fun stuff that can happen when you're trying to get from A to B.

Sit back and enjoy.

Transport fools!

The Netherlands in Holland, watch out for the guy in the background.

Did you see him? Of course you did, because I told you,

listening to Mr T always pays off.

This is how they cross the platforms in India.

Next time, I would advise sticking to the bridge.

Getting hit by a train is not a great way to start your day.

There are two ways to go up an escalator,

standing and walking, right?

Wrong. This guy's just invented a third way.

I don't know what it's called, but it looks like it's working for him.

Check out this guy.

He's gone and put his head where he shouldn't put his head,

and now he's stuck.

Look after your head, people, it's where all the happy thoughts are made.

# Is he a Yankee? No, I'm a Londoner... #

Whoa! Watch out there, old timer.

You've got to look left and right before you cross the road.

Also, look straight ahead.

Basically, look! Remember to look.

Riding the train to work can be dull.

These guys are spicing it up with a game

of "How many people can you fit into one train?"

As you can see, they're pretty good at it.

Other games you can play on the train include "Who's touching my leg?"

"What's that in your pocket?" And, "Am I facing up or down?"

Rush hour in Baghdad.

HORNS HONK

Who needs traffic lights?

Getting to work would be much more fun

if everyone could just drive wherever the heck they please.

You might get in late and your car might be smashed up, but hey!

I bet you have some stories.

These two ladies are going the wrong way down a travelator.

Look at this couple.

They've been trying this for like five minutes now.

I think they're going to make it, but the big decision here

is if they're going to continue on the other escalator

in front of them right there.

Oh, my gosh, she's going for it.

Oh, my gosh!

No! Oh, my goodness!

Or maybe they were going the right way. Ever think about that?

Maybe they're going exactly the way they want to go and they just like to exercise.

No freaking way!

Welcome to China.

Oh, my God!

We are on the freeway and our taxi driver...

Has decided that Will gave him the worst...

Directions.

So he decided to make a U-turn on the freeway

and we're riding on the shoulder in the fast lane against traffic.

And we're coming off the shoulder into the so-called bus lane.

This is what they do here in parts of China.

I guess you can't do this in Beijing, right? But we're not in Beijing.

Remember - next time, take the bus.

-I hope we...

-My God! We're going...

We're going to get killed.

It seems like a lot of you out there are not being as careful as you could be.

Have a listen to this.

Police in Florida were called to the scene of a nasty motorway pile-up during rush hour.

After interviewing the drivers involved, they discovered

that the crash had been caused by a rather unusual reason.

A female commuter on her way back from the office for a date with

her boyfriend had decided to save time by getting herself ready in her car.

While behind the wheel, she had changed her clothes,

put on her make-up and lipstick,

and then proceeded to give herself a bikini wax.

It was this final procedure that had caused the pile up.

No-one was hurt and the woman was charged with reckless driving.

Everybody likes to let their hair down once in a while and have a party.

If you're going to be a party animal, there's no point in being

a cuddly party animal, like a party kitten or a party hamster.

You might as well be a party tiger.

Check out these wild things. HE GROWLS

Party fools!

Welcome to the USA.

How do you know when you've had too much tequila?

You're dribbling all over my face!

You muck up my make-up, I'm going to be pissed!

When this happens.

Listen up, ladies, gravity don't care how hot you are.

You mess with gravity, you lose.

Here's another clue that you might have had too much happy juice.

# Let's go, party rock is in the house tonight... #

You know you're drunk

when the ground walks up to you and punches you in the face.

# ..We're gonna make you Lose your mind

# Everybody just have a good time... #

If you wake up and find you have fallen asleep

in a place that doesn't resemble your bedroom,

that's also a bad sign.

# ..And we're gonna make you lost your mind

# We just wanna see you... #

Fred and Jamie, I wish you guys the best.

This guy's recording a message at a wedding.

Keep your eye on the lady in the background.

Remember that you need two things, you need to understand each other,

because you're two separate individuals coming together,

entering one relationship and making it work.

It's really hard to do,

but with love and understanding,

you should be always able to do it.

Now that's what I call a special message.

If you're going to commit something to camera,

make sure it's colourful and eye-catching.

The bride and groom will remember it forever.

Now, take a look at these fools.

Three, two, one.

Are you fucking serious?!

LAUGHTER

Take it easy on him.

Remember, he's your friend.

Friends forgive friends, that's what friends do.

Check out this superstar.

He lost his shirt, but he's not letting it get him down.

HE MUMBLES

-Supposedly, I got...

-Whoa!

-Now he's falling down the stairs!

-Oh! Oh!

I bet he won't let that get him down either.

Nothing is going to get this guy down, he's ungetdownable.

I like that new word, help me spread it.

-Jessie, did you puke yet?

-Mm-mm.

-What are you waiting for?

-Yeah.

That's it, Jessie.

If you're going down, you might as well take the toilet seat with you.

If you drink too much, pretty soon you're going to go sleepy bye-byes.

That's when your friends are going to come along and take pictures of you, and they will.

Here's five dumb drunk fools in photos.

Five photographs of drunken idiots.

Number one.

Note to self - drink less rum and more cola in my rum and cola.

Number two.

The good news is you've made it through to the next round

of Britain's Got Talent.

Number three.

Ah, the circle of life in all its glory.

Number four.

Has anyone seen Steve?

Have you tried the glove compartment?

Number five.

You think this is bad?

Last week he woke up next to a mouse.

Now here in Britain, when you've had too much to drink,

you like to get yourself a kebab.

Have a listen to this dumb fool.

PHONE RINGS

The police have got enough problems without people wasting their times.

If I find out who that man is, I'm going to go round his house

and waste his time and see how much he likes it.

Warehouse fools.

I was in a warehouse once.

I was surrounded by 200 bad guys with machine guns.

I built myself a tank and busted my way out of there.

Actually, that didn't happen.

It was on a TV show, or maybe it was a dream.

Either way, here's some clips of people in warehouses.

Here's a guy messing around with boxes.

Now put a stamp on him and send him to Hawaii.

That guy deserves a little sunshine in his life.

You're about to witness a guy in a forklift smashing up some bottles.

Good news! You've now got yourself a great big pile of smashed glass.

Smashed glass is great for making sand, or sprinkle it onto the roads

to stop bad guys from chasing you.

Either way, that ain't going to waste!

Here's a question for you.

What do you do when you want all your shelves annihilated?

# ..Work, work, work, Senora Work it all the time

# You can talk about cha-cha Tango, waltz or the rumba

# Senora's dance has no title

# You jump in the saddle Hold on to the bridle

# Jump in the line Rock your body in time

# OK, I believe you!

# Jump in the line Rock your body in time

# Rock your body, child!

# Jump in the line

# Rock your body in time Somebody help me!

# Jump in the line Rock your body in time... #

Easy! Just hire this guy.

He's great at shelf annihilation, some say he's the best.

More crazy stuff, this time in a warehouse in Serbia.

I have a warehouse like this, it's filled with protein shakes.

I go through 200 a week.

My favourite flavour is banana.

Oh, I hate raspberry!

It's another forklift, and this one don't take attitude from no-one.

Boom! You show that garage door who's boss.

Let's see if it tries to disrespect you again.

Here's another door that needs to be taught a lesson.

That's it, you tell it firm and you tell it straight.

These doors around here are getting too big for their hinges.

This new car is being rolled out of the car factory.

The good news is you're right next to the factory.

If there's ever a good place to have a car accident, it's next to the car factory!

What's the quickest way to get stuff down from the top shelves?

That's right, gravity.

When forklifts and gravity combine, it's a beautiful thing,

man and nature working together in harmony.

MR T GROWLS

I liked watching those clips. I might go out and get myself

another forklift to add to my collections of forklifts.

So far, I have seven.

My favourite is the gold one.

Fools showing off!

Sometimes it's good to be a show-off, it means you're proud of yourself,

and if you're proud of yourself, you want other people to be proud of you, too.

Take a look at these guys.

What's better than being fired out of a cannon?

The answer, nothing! It's the most invigorating feeling in the world.

I like your style, who needs a safety net?

Let's hope he's not too sore in the morning.

Check out this guy.

It must be his birthday.

Going streaking!

LAUGHTER

The body is a beautiful thing. Be proud of it, show it off!

But don't bring it anywhere near me.

The most back flips in a row ever.

This guy wants the whole world to see how great he is at pogo back flips.

He was pretty amazing right up to the point where he fell over.

This guy's screaming, "Look at me! Look at me!"

Lots of people looked at him.

He got his wish. That's how dreams come true, people.

Up next, this!

-Don't do it!

-Do it, do it!

Don't do it, sucker.

There's something I'd like to say to you guys.

ABC - Always Be Cool. DEF - Don't Entertain Fools!

# Everybody dance now! #

Sometimes you just want to dance.

For the man on the car, this is one of those times.

When the rhythm gets hold of you, don't fight it, let it in!

If you have an embarrassing fall like this, don't worry about it.

Just turn it into a stylish break dance move,

pretend that's what you wanted to do in the first place.

Some people just can't help showing off for the camera.

And you can see why, look at the camera lapping him up.

It's hard to take your eyes off him.

You dumb fool!

In conclusion, I'm going to be taking you through the first stage...

He's fallen over, but that's OK.

You have to take the rough with the smooth.

This town's been hit by a lot of rain.

Is this man crying about it?

Negative. He's out on the street,

tubing off the back of a car, making the most out of a bad situation.

Boom!

Pain time now, but he'll laugh about this tomorrow.

He will look back and call this a great day.

Here's another guy who's been taken over by the rhythm.

It's filling his arms and legs, making them move,

taking him to new and dangerous places, like the middle of the road.

HORN BLARES

The bad news is he got hit by the ice cream truck.

The good news is he got hit by the ice cream truck!

What better way to forget about those injuries than by licking a Mr Whippy?

Don't worry, he's OK.

He learned his lesson.

I love ice cream, I love chocolate ice cream.

I love strawberry ice cream, I love vanilla ice cream.

What I don't like? I'll tell you.

I don't like people who don't like ice cream.

Take a listen to this.

PHONE RINGS

That's the end of the show.

Also, it's the end of the series. I want to thank you all for watching.

I really enjoyed your company.

Before I say goodbye for the last time,

I want to share with you my final, final thought.

Don't go around thinking you're better than anyone else, be humble,

show a little respect,

because remember, we all play the fool sometimes.

See you soon. So long, suckers.

Huh! Huh! Huh!

# I pity the fool

# I said... #

-Pow!

-# I pity the fool... #

-Pow!

-# ..Oh-oh, I pity the fool...

# You know I pity the fool... #

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