Episode 5 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 5

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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This programme contains some strong language.

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Mr T's been assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

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People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

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People who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions like, "Can I fit in that?"

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"What's through that door?" And, "Do I really need a parachute?"

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He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet.

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He's found the World's Craziest Fools!

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Welcome to my show.

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Are you ready? You'd better be.

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You're about to witness the craziest fools, doing the most eye-popping things you ever seen.

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We got fools tearing up offices.

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We got fools crashing boats.

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We got fools in cranes, dropping things all over the place.

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There's more too, but I ain't got time for all that right now.

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I'm a busy man. Let's get on with the show!

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Working behind a desk can be satisfying and rewarding.

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There can also be some slow days.

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Thankfully every office has at least one crazy fool to liven things up.

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Here's a computer guy fiddling with some computers.

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GLASS SMASHING

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That's it, sucker, you show those machines who's boss.

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See if they try and break on you again.

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Just another day at the office. Sales at this company are going through the roof.

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Unfortunately the sandwich guy is coming down through the ceiling.

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Good work, soldier!

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Here's a couple of guys playing football.

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Only they ain't playing football.

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Football is when you put on a helmet and charge into someone.

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This is soccer, or lacrosse, or something.

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Whatever it is, they just turned their pitch into a swimming pool.

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I want 50 lengths by the end of the show.

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Here's a guy who's going home for the day.

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I think we just found out who leaves the kitchen in a mess.

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I'm Evel Knievel!

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A bike in the office?!

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This is a major violation of health and safety regulations.

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Now get another one. I want to see you two race.

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Check out this next guy. Bored at work.

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He decides to blow off a few minutes spinning around in his chair.

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He keeps spinning till he feels bad.

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Real bad!

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You better clean that up, and clean up your attitude while you at it.

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This pen pusher got a little too much time on his hands.

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Someone needs to give him some files to alphabetise.

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This footage is gonna come in handy when he has his office appraisal.

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Now look at what he's done!

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This is what happens when you don't have enough files to alphabetise.

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Have a look at these guys.

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They're on their way home from an office party in New York

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when they decide to start horsing around.

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This statue cost 2,000 to fix.

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You do the crime, you pay the dime.

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Now watch this.

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I hope you're gonna pay for that, fool, or at least make some sort of contribution.

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Being a fool isn't just nine to five.

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It's 24/7. Wrap your ears around this call to a supermarket in Wales.

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What the heck is Wales?

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I think he handled that pretty well, don't you?

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It ain't easy dealing with someone dumb on the phone.

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Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh about it.

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HE LAUGHS

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Aargh!

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Aaargh!

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Aagh!

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Oh, fuck.

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Oh, oh, oh!

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Oh, shit!

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Aagh!

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Oh, my God!

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SHE SCREAMS

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Take a look at this.

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What do you see?

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A harmless glass of water, right? Wrong.

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Water's one of the most dangerous substances known to man.

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It's mean, it's ruthless,

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it makes fools of us all. Here's the evidence.

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This boat thinks it can make it under the bridge.

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It can't.

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This captain is smart. Now he's only got half the boat to look after.

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He just made his job much easier.

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Argentina, and this fool's about to launch

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his brand new 2m yacht.

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Congratulations.

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You are now the proud owner of a submarine.

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Error!

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This helicopter in Italy is trying to help a boat that has broken down.

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These guys are showing solidarity.

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You were in trouble, now we're in trouble, too.

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Let's all be in trouble together.

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The Netherlands. Here's a guy trying a new approach to boat launching.

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Next time, stick to the basics.

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Boats are for water, not land.

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If you want a big vehicle for land, buy a monster truck.

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Now take a look at these fools.

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That did not work out according to plan.

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At least, I hope it didn't. If that was the plan, it was a bad plan.

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Ferry crossing can be dull, but this company has livened things up a bit

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by not screwing down their furniture.

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If this is likely to happen, I would advise finding a different to travel from A to B.

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I would also consider how much I wanted to get to B in the first place,

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and maybe think about staying in A.

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Can what you want to do in B be done in A remotely?

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If so, A looks like a pretty good place to remain in.

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Next up, this happens.

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Take care when docking your boat.

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If you're not sure what land is, it's the brown stuff that comes after the blue stuff.

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Nova Scotia.

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This ferry is pulling away from the harbour,

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but somebody forgot to untie the rope to the truck!

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Fool!

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SEAGULLS CAW

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Even the seagulls are laughing.

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You know things are bad when nature is mocking you.

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This is Allanburg Bridge in Canada.

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What does the P stand for?

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Please don't crash me into a bridge.

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Too late, sucker.

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There are lots of things that can go wrong on a boat.

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Five tips on how to be a good sailor coming at you now.

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Number one, be careful when launching your boat.

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If you find a halibut down your trousers, you've probably done something wrong.

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Number two, be sure to wear the correct clothing.

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This may look like a harmless bit of fun,

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but he won't be smiling when that speed boat takes off.

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Number three, always make sure that your boat is in fact a boat,

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and not a car.

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If it's got furry dice, an A-Z and a tin of cough drops

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in the glove compartment, you've probably boarded the wrong vessel.

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Number four, brush up on your navigation skills.

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If you find yourself outside a branch of the Post Office,

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you're probably lost.

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Number five, be careful who you invite on board.

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If you see Ann Widdecombe's name on the passenger list, make sure she's sitting in the middle.

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There's only one way to really be safe and stay on dry land.

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Remember, people, stay afloat, avoid the boat.

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Everyone needs to refuel from time to time.

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Me, I like to fill up on bananas and tasty protein shakes.

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If you're a car, you're gonna need petrol.

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That means going to a petrol station. Check this out.

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Here's a guy who got a great new way to save money on petrol.

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Leave the handbrake off your car.

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No car, no petrol.

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I call that a win.

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This German lady has parked her car on the wrong side. Now she's trying to wrestle the hose around.

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I used to be a wrestler, and I've got to tell you, this lady has invented some powerful new moves.

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By the way, if you don't know that I used to be a wrestler, check out my muscles when the camera pulls back.

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They are pretty insane.

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Ever wondered what happened when you press the red button marked "Fire" at a petrol station?

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This lady just pressed the button by mistake and solved the mystery.

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Here's a guy minding his own business

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when a tyre comes from nowhere and knocks him off his feet.

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A lesson here, always be vigilant.

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You never know where attack is coming from.

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Here's a guy who drives away from the petrol pump with the nozzle still attached.

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Next time he visits a gas station, he'll save time by bringing his own hose.

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This truck driver in Texas pulls up to a gas station.

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What gas station? I was sure there was a gas station round here somewhere.

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Let's hope he's not too sore in the morning.

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A gas station shop. Keep your eye on the lady who just paid for her gas.

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The guy behind the counter must've said "come again soon", because here she comes.

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Maybe she forgot her change, or she wanted to buy a protein shake.

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Those things are tasty, but they make you do crazy stuff.

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OK, you've seen some clips of craziness at petrol stations,

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now listen to this real life story from Slovakia.

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If you don't know where Slovakia is, pay more attention in school.

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A 30-year-old Slovakian man was driving when he realised his fuel gauge was broken.

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Passing a service station, he decided to stop to be on the safe side.

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He than realised he had no way of knowing whether he needed any petrol...

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it was just too dark to see inside the tank.

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That's when he came up with the genius idea of using a cigarette lighter to illuminate the gloom.

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To the man's surprise, the fuel tank ignited and the car blew up.

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The blast demolished most of the petrol station, but luckily

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nobody was hurt and the man escaped with minor burns.

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He has been charged with endangering public safety.

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All these dumb suckers, going to petrol stations.

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I got to say, I pity the fuel.

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HE LAUGHS

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You best be laughing at my jokes.

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I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I'd love to be a crane driver."

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I suggest you abandon that dream right now, cos you never ever gonna be as entertaining as these people.

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This is footage from a street in Egypt.

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A crane is trying to lift a steam roller.

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Lifting is when things go upward.

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This is called dropping. Dropping is more of a downward manoeuvre.

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I don't advise it.

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Boom!

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Keep your eye on the crane on the right of the screen.

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Can you see it? Neither can I.

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That's because there's a big building on top of it.

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Here's another crane, knocking a building down.

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This was this guy's first day on the job.

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It also was his last.

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You are looking at a crane lifting a slightly smaller crane.

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Now you're looking at two broken cranes.

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If the goal here was to destroy all the vehicles in the yard,

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then this crane driver succeeded outstandingly.

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The United States of Portugal.

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These guys are lifting their truck down by the docks.

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Perfect. That's exactly where I wanted it.

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Let's call that lunch.

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Here's a crane lifting some boxes.

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Again, this is more of a dropping vibe than a lifting vibe.

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Why are people finding this so difficult?

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Ohio. This smokestack is about to be demolished.

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EXPLOSION

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Wrong way.

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No!

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Get out of here! Get out of here!

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As you can tell, it was supposed to fall the other way,

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but where's the fun in that?

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This has been a educational day for those school children, and an exciting adventure.

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It's an edu-venture. I like that new word.

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Help me spread it.

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A building site in France.

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The foreman in the portaloo is about to get a nasty shock.

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Poor sucker. Someone needs to give this guy a hug, and then take a really long shower.

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Tucson, Arizona. They're laying the foundations for a new block of flats.

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Looks like the driver is the first guy to be moving in.

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So how do you like your new apartment?

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It's nice and roomy, but the view sucks.

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The world is fast and furious.

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It's hard to keep up with all the latest gadgets, like laptops and mobile phones and time machines.

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For those of you who struggle, here's some rules for technology fools.

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Rule number one, don't confuse a microphone with a mobile phone.

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SPEECH INAUDIBLE

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SPEECH INAUDIBLE

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Rule number two, don't confuse a microphone with a pepper grinder.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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How do you do this?

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What is this?

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It's a microphone.

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-What?

-Microphone.

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SHE LAUGHS

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I thought this was pepper.

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Rule number three, take your toast out of the toaster before you start eating it.

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Rule number four, never trust your sat nav on your mobile phone.

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This lady did and now she's in a fountain.

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Rule number five... don't do this.

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Oh, come on! Oh, no!

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Boom!

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Rule number six, be careful when using an escalator.

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Make sure you know which end is the entrance, and which end is the exit.

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, my God!

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Fantastic!

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-Are you getting that?

-I've got it.

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LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

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Only in Glasgow!

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He must think this is the biggest stairs in the world.

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Now take a listen to this phone call.

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PHONE RINGS

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'Please leave a message after the tone.'

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That's it, it's over.

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I'd like to say a big thank you to all you fools who made this television show happen.

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Your energy and your commitment is much appreciated.

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Before I say goodbye, I'd like to leave you with one final thought.

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If you fail at something, don't let it get you down.

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Learn from it. Turn it around and use it to your advantage.

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Remember, the only real failure in life is the failure to try.

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See you next time.

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So long, suckers.

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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